of course, you may feel differently, but maybe it’s not because of the light bulb that you slept better, but because in january you just sleep well, the light is still on, well, it’s dark and dark and you wake up, it’s dark again, and we have the phone darkened and in general even though we don’t open our eyes, well , you and i agree with the light, we have had contact with light since childhood, we cannot live without the sun, we develop it, that is, it is impossible to do anything about it, so of course, if possible , if we have contact with natural light sources... higher than with cold ones, it is understood that in nature there were no such cold light sources, there were no leds, so all these minin reflectors, infrared lamps, and in general for a person who is in, well, for example, take the peoples of the north , are based on this , yes, who have, say, a very short daylight hours there, and it has been proven that the average life expectancy of event girls there is the same, yes, it is significantly less by an order of magnitude than that of yes, but it is not clear, but it is not clear why yes. it’s clear why,

here we are after all, we fell asleep according to yours recommendations in the dark, it’s wet all around , it’s cold, it’s cold, this whole thing weighs us down, and we wake up to some cheerful music or the light starts to flicker somehow, we want to sleep less, you see, you say, we need to eat less so that i had more time to do my favorite work, well, i would also like to sleep, can you imagine how much we sleep, we spend a third of our lives sleeping, it’s a shame, but i... i have personal experiments, when i reached such sleep deprivation, i slept on 2-3 hours a day, and my sleep deprivation, that is, stealing or the stop was there for 2-2 hours, i completely rested and got enough sleep, and this continued there for several months, but another problem begins there, you don’t know what to do with the composition.

tribe, this new tribe, it still wants to live forever, yes, but you would like to live longer, imagine, but now there will be a new one , well, we started with the fact that we want to be young, healthy and eternal almost, well, we have you decided that to live longer, you still need to live a quality life and yes, and what to do, no one wants to die? really

in fact, probably yes, but that is, are there any secrets, life hacks? i think that here the mind, emotions, the emotional spectrum have a very strong influence, that is, the one that we study to a lesser extent, yes, as scientists, nevertheless, we have feelings and our feelings influence physiology, yes, with no one will argue with this either, and here i think that there is also a dark spot that we still have to give ; there is no practical advice. we've already listed so many tips, we've already slept under blanket, and drank water, yes, but this is to be effective, then onarexia, bulimia, all these problems that have become really widespread, these are essentially biohackers, they, it is proven that they come from the brain, and this is a disorder of the central nervous system, here are people who have food problems with, this, this, this is also a kind of biohacking, because people enter into this themselves of their own free will, they decide. they want to improve themselves,

they want to become more beautiful, whatever, but the question is how they feel about it, because it seems to us, we evaluate from our bell-shaped social normality, maybe this person is good, let him be like that, then then he’s feet first, only they usually take her out, that ’s the problem, well, that means it’s his choice, he made it this choice, we cannot be for people healthy and... for people happy, we give recommendations, we have known all these recommendations since childhood, the ministry of health gives them to everyone, okay, then and in conclusion, so that we still look into the future, here you are leading the right way life, this is a whole set of measures, which you, too, through trial and error, found what is suitable for you, and how you see yourself at 70 years old, you will jump up the stairs , jumping over the steps, run, jump everything, you will be the same young, or how should you have... some kind of plan for the future, how

can i tell you what will happen to me in 40 years, no one can tell you, because no one has ever canceled a brick falling on your head, but in principle, if we consider this as a goal, “i want to live the path allotted to me without shortening it filling your life and the lives of your loved ones with emotions, this is a great idea, it is not even related to biohacking, in this sense it is so universal, i really like it, thank you very much , igor, thank you very much, konstantin, it was very nice." hello, dear viewers, you are watching the podcast triggers, with you its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist psychotherapist, psychologist

psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest today is the beautiful elena, let's talk about her story. hello, hello, elena, tell us what you came to us with, i came. with my story on the topic of relationships, i would like to talk about what kind of men i meet on my way, i very often encounter abusive relationships, and usually in a row, yes, that is, the first relationship of this format was with the father of my child, yes we get we lived together for about a year, and as a rule they tried to change me in this relationship, i was 25 years old, we met, he was older than me, everything happened in such a way that i seemed to be wrong in everything, i younger, and thus, yes , there was a certain kind of suppression of me all the time, and i

was always a noticeable girl, let’s say, i didn’t want to be liked by others always, from a very early age... i, i didn’t understand who needed it, yes , at that moment it seemed to me, okay, i’ll be what you want, yes, as long as you like it, as long as nothing, nothing could separate us, let’s say, and then gradually,

gradually i felt that i no longer remain in these relationships as a person, in principle, that is, i am already doing what the person likes it, yes, i always do it the way he wants. when this relationship ended, it ended with me being told that there was another, more, let’s say, flexible, more, who is not trying to be bright, trying to be what needs to be, then for the first time i was faced with the fact that i i don’t know who i really am, that is, having left this relationship, i basically, like a transparent white sheet, don’t understand who... i’m really leaving this relationship, plus, yes, i was pregnant, but i was told i'm sorry so and so, he knew that he was leaving you pregnant, yes, yeah, and i gave birth to a child, yes, some time passed, i basically didn’t see anyone around me,

in principle i didn’t even have any relationships i was considering, there was a certain state of searching for myself, gradually, gradually i became interested in something, yes, i went... to sports, went to the gym, that is, i somehow tried to distract myself, yes, i tried to become better, so i just wanted to to be some kind of ideal, and yes, not only for yourself, probably, but also in order to prove it to others to the world, in the end i get into a relationship, saying that no, i don’t need a relationship at all , but again i feel something, that’s when i get into a relationship, that the person is weaker than me and for me... it’s kind of simpler, i didn’t have a long-term relationship, yes, that is, one relationship was replaced by another and then another relationship, then the next one, let’s say, i entered into a relationship with a man older than me, gradually, gradually i again begin

to feel this state, that i'm gone again, literally 2 months after relationships, that is... i’m again trying to adjust, i want to be perfect, i cook lunches, dinners, breakfasts and so on, and at the same time not understanding that for me, in principle, a person does nothing like this. .. yes, my relationship, it lasted 9 months, before that 2 months, you lived together, we already lived

there for 6 months together, yes , one way or another you describe all these relationships as abusive, i think so, let’s, for our viewers and for me, first try to come to an agreement on what abusive relationships, that’s how it is, well, i understand that it’s very fashionable now, it’s clear that we read a lot, and you read it, so you describe abusive relationships? that is, relationships in which, yes, relationships in which the line of your personal boundaries is erased and the line of who you are is erased, very often a situation occurs that you are wrong, no, look , it’s actually not like that, it seemed to you, no, here i am right, you're wrong, like this, where your worldview is questioned, yes, yeah, and your vision of life there, of realities , is constantly criticized?

ideal self-image is a good question , have you become ideal or have you gotten closer to i think that... i have become better for a person, but not for myself, yeah, if it’s still for myself, len, how would you feel if if you would receive some kind of, i don’t know, there’s a diploma, a certificate, a certificate stating that this is it, that’s it , you’re perfect, how would you feel, lousy, probably why, because this is the word ideality, how- then it really hurts the ear, yes, that is, there are no ideal people.

how others evaluate you, and how long ago is it that you have, in principle, such a desire to please others? well, basically it was from childhood and it seems to me that it was to attract the attention of my father, please tell us about your parental family, are you one daughter? no, there are two of us, yeah, are you older or younger? and i’m younger, yeah, and i have an older brother, i remember very well - this moment when, let’s say,

such an active life began in kindergarten, i did additional gymnastics there, my mother took me to gymnastics, then dancing 12 years and so further, i had one dream, connected with the fact that i really wanted my father to be present at this event at least once, well, at least for one thing, which meant for the girl lena that dad came to see, well, probably

the question , well, really, because it’s a good question, or because i’m a man, no, it’s just that this is the second time you’ve praised me for a good question, but as you understand, it’s a good question or not, which i like, so, let’s go, well let's talk about it, but how do you understand that you liked him, well then is he getting into some kind of essence, but me of what is happening inside, and what? what is happening inside you when, as you say, i get hit with this question? well, a question on the topic that yes, in my father, what he loved, i honestly don’t know what he loved, and i... even this was a little surprising that i don’t know, but i’m just saying that you know, well, basically no, i know, he really loved companies, yes, fun companies, he really liked to relax, he really liked to be the center of attention, and he really loved to be the life of the party, and this inspired me very much, of course, you wanted to be like her,

not yes, and he was a very authoritarian person, that is, everything... in the house had to obey his will, and nothing else, that is, the father was in charge, the mother took care of the house, yeah, that's it it was so, and such a certain ideal picture of the family was present, of course, without this there is no way, you say, dad was there, dad is no more, yes, dad died 10 years ago, you were 22 , yes, i was 22 years old, for me it was probably the biggest... shock in my life, well, such that there is no more in my life a person who for me would be, well , i can’t say that the ideal of a man, but probably the very first ideal, in childhood, yes, that a girl receives, that is , the state of protection, security, was given to me by my father in childhood, yeah , that’s why it

was such a kind of state for me. on the one hand, on the one hand, fear, yes, as now without it, on the other hand , liberation, freedom, because there was this authoritarian disposition, yes, that this is possible , this is not possible, only this way, study and so on, only fours or fives, in a different way no way, either this way or, in no way, that’s it, that is, it was like this, on the one hand, yes, i really lost.

you lost your wife early and you raised your son alone? yes, i was 38, i knew that there were children, i needed to put them on their feet, this is my treasure, these are the first medals that arthur dedicated to his mother, thanks to our parents for their contribution to the development of all of us on

saturday at the first, if i lived in shanghai... some kind of reality show. cameras make our life comfortable; we are not afraid for our bicycles and scooters left on the street. then i would probably feel like a heroine. look at the material, at the perfect seams, this is the original. why is it cheaper? but you don’t buy them from the barely sei fields, do you? locals love to show off and wear branded items, albeit fake. if you 're a minute late with your delivery, you 're going to have some kind of problem or yeah, that's what it is, that's why guys sometimes. begs clients to forgive them, sometimes they even fall to their knees, and you are a unique man, a manicurist, there are many of us here, you like going to a man for a manicure, i love it, i recommend it to everyone, here is this one the phrase “ice cream for children, flowers for women doesn’t work because ice cream with vodka”, it’s a bestseller for us, listen, there’s deception all around, just ice cream with lemon, the lives of others,

the premiere is on sunday on the first. you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its host is tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist, psychologist , psychotherapist sergei nasebyan. we listen to lena and her story. did your first relationship happen after your dad died? the first relationship is not, just, let’s say, a slight teenage crush, it happened before, well, in general were there guys you introduced to your father? there was not a single man whom i introduced to my parents. that these guys don’t exist, did you hide from them or just, well, just if i didn’t hide, maybe i don’t know what kind of conversation these young people would have,

his expectations, then i can tell you as a dad, they definitely don’t meet his expectations , as if normal, i don’t know how it happened that i really chose - it seems to me, these are the most like - well, as they say, but hooligan guys in that time, that is, the very, very best that were possible, because there were a lot of prohibitions of some kind, and of course i wanted, of course, to break them, to violate them. i would still like to clarify, let’s try to give free rein to our imagination since dad clearly threatened, it’s a threat, that if suddenly god forbid i find out, i can’t imagine what i

’ll do to you, but you’re still somewhere they imagined, this is a fantasy, if you let go of yours, what dad should have done if he found out, well, let him down the stairs, i don’t know, something else, well, this is it, i’m at home, in relation to you, in relation to me, well, i was worried about some physical things, that is. but i’ve never had anything like this, but at the same time, some words like that make sense to me, he never beat you, but he threatened that he could beat you, kill you, well , that’s the word kill, yes, that i ’ll kill you , if you’re wrong, well, there will be a very serious conversation, yes there, but in their hearts, how could i say that there, i don’t know, i’ll do something like that, well, now there are millions watching us there, i don’t know man for me 99% of them at least once in their lives heard threats related to death from their parents, it’s not obvious that they will kill you, but i’ll kill you if i find out that

i smoked there or i’ll kill you, i i’ll throw you out of the balcony from the window, well, that is, some kind of threats , just now you said, it reminded me that i’ll kill you, these are moments like this, but i remember, yeah, well, it’s obvious that your dad, in general, taught me to be afraid, yeah. okay, and apparently, well, while dad was alive, we never managed to reach that level perfection, so that he finally says: “well, now i love you, now i praise you, now you can, no, you didn’t succeed, uh-huh, that’s what a feeling, what a feeling you get inside when you understand, that you never lived up to it, and that means you don’t live up to it now, and most likely you won’t ever live up to that high level.” the bar that dad set for you, is this how you feel this conflict within yourself? i really want, of course, i still

want them to say that they are proud of me, yeah, okay, after all, if dad loved to be in the spotlight, dad loved big companies, dad loved to relax, when you witnessed these big companies, you probably saw how dad showed sympathy for other people, it could have been women. like a woman, he’s pleased that she’s here , she laughs at her jokes, he laughs at her jokes, as you saw, that’s how dad became, very kind, kind, very kind, very cheerful and, in principle, generally a sense of humor, it seems to me that it is stood out. among other people, yeah , the most important thing is so bright, for me, it was his sense of humor, his ability

to maneuver in certain situations, yes, to be able to laugh at any situation, because , of course, he told me such words, yes, now we will return to the fact that i will kill you, but then, when supposedly everything is ok, everything is fine, he says, well done, okay, yeah, but still it was more like. .. initial praise, but not for the triumph there of your genius, talent, which dad admired, well, yes, yes, and this feeling , this which you describe as the desire to still fit in, is similar to the feeling that you experience in relationships with men? yes, so good, now, when you are talking to us, would you like, as a result of this conversation, to find this button, this trigger and turn it off so that you no longer feel this way, or is this what you are trying to achieve? my, probably, the main question, and since i’ve read various literature, yes, i consider myself a strong person, i consider myself strong

a woman and... and yes, very often i hear in my environment that a strong personality is usually attracted to weak men, strong women, i mean weak men, probably the main question is how to be in such a situation if i i don’t want to build relationships with the weak, in your opinion, an abuser would be a weak person, a weak man, so we could just agree, so how would a strong man behave in your opinion? i think that a strong man will not put pressure in order to get what he wants, that is, to get some the picture he imagines, yes, that you should be like that, but if i have to be like that, maybe then it takes a man to be the one you imagined him to be, uh-huh, your dad was a strong man, yes, why then did he suppress your mother, again a good question, right? good

question, yes, i already understand from your facial expressions when i ask the right questions, good, even not the right ones, good, i like it, i boast, well, it was probably easier for him, so that it would be easier for him to suppress mom, well, yes, well then you are avoiding my direct question, after all, if he was a strong man, but still suppressed mom, then somewhere you are confused, either then you evaluate men incorrectly today, or you allow dad what you don’t allow other men can be. you were obviously brought up in such a way that it is not difficult to force, slander, convince you to fry cutlets, prepare breakfast, i don’t know, clean, wash, and so on, so that you are like a mother, but essentially, because your mother, as you say, took care of the house, we and you generally understand that she was to some extent a serving element in the family, right? yes, i saw this exact role of a woman in front of me, but i myself am not like that, that is

, this is probably the very root of the question goes back to the fact that i have my own business, i work , and i’m quite happy with myself - well, such a straightforward person, i don’t like to keep things to myself, but when in my last relationship i tried very hard to play this role as a mother, i really wanted that i was a wonderful wife there already in my thoughts at that moment not... it seems that i was already building it for myself and at the end, when i turned around , looked at the man, just at the moment when i cooked borscht and just looked back, and then i looked at this whole picture, i have i had a feeling that this was not mine at all, that is, i asked myself the question inside: why are you deceiving yourself, for what? eren, when i asked

the last good question about the fact that your father... being a strong man, in your opinion, still suppressed your mother, something happened to you inside, well, you have changed, come on so, what kind of feeling did it cause when i practically forced you to admit that either dad was not as strong as you thought, or you are mistaken, i’ll go from the opposite, i like to go from the opposite, maybe i’m wrong, that is, to you it’s easier to admit that you’re wrong, that is, dad is right off the pedestal... you can’t take it off, it seems to you , but now i’m just trying to understand why he suppressed mom, i really don’t know why, listen, well, judging by yours, worldview, because he was weak in his relationship with his mother, he was wonderful dad, he was a so-so husband, perhaps, but you are looking for a husband for yourself, not a dad, but as it seems to you, and your mother was happy in her relationship with your father, as she says, yes, it’s good that he says that, that is, she, when i ask her, i say, like this, she says, this is

mine. such awkwardness, and like all people who blush, you probably avoid it in such circumstances, but i will assume that at this moment, if you follow me , you will agree that i now suspect your father, otherwise it’s as if there is some kind of, you know, betrayal of him, the fact that we seem to be talking about him not very correctly, not very well, well, there is such a feeling, there is such a feeling, do you understand that if you put a man in place of the pope, then you will also

betray? his father, well, i’ll give a certain image that was created in my head, of course, this strong image, and yes, probably yes, what would you feel now if... i think that i would probably exhale at this moment, probably, what did you say to him? thank you for admitting this to this it was for you that a person admitted his

weakness, that he had, as in any person, and what conclusion would you draw for yourself then, that any person has the right to make a mistake, most likely. not an ideal person, and it also seems to me that there is a very important realization here , or something, that your relationship does not need to be assessed now from his position, that what kind of relationship you will have tomorrow, the only real

value of these relationships is determined by your feeling of happiness, love, comfort, everything, all we need in this sense is to leave from your head and add: a little feelings , add a little of your own value in all this, then you won’t, well, at least judge in terms of abuse, victimhood, and you will learn to be in contact with reality, in contact with a person, and not with that the role that this person plays for you, and we assign this role, of course, if we, for example, put this person in the role of an abuser, yes, for example, we say that he is... inside himself, then from this moment we can no longer have a relationship with reality, we only have a relationship with that the model that he performs for us , plays out, this is your freedom, probably the most important thing, yes, then you can

learn to appreciate, or maybe focus your feelings on them, in these three of yours, yes, there were three such main ones, yes, such an episode of your relationship, well, probably the most... such a fundamental one, it was just the father of my child, when yes, i met him just almost after i lost my father, and there was even fear there that a person will leave in principle, as if it will be the same departure as father, that is, all the time i’m afraid of this leaving and that the relationship ends, as if this is the same leaving that i had to experience... and this is how you end up in codependent relationships, you create them, in this your contribution, but how do you bring these codependent relationships to episodes of abusiveness, as you say, what criteria

were there in your life, was it physical violence or what was it? in one of the relationships i had an element, yes, of physical violence, it was, after that i realized that that’s it, that’s it. now. life, without telling him, somehow hiding it all, yes, he pretended that he didn’t notice it, and you pretended that no one , hiding anything from him , knew most of his own, it turns out that as if you really, he never found out, he didn’t know me

, this is really a fact, you know, and this is again the same thing that happens in your relationships with men, and what sergey is talking about, this is the point where you could stop earlier in a model where you are careful with your feelings. where do you appreciate your feelings and you hear them, this is unacceptable there, this could not have happened there , in fact, this is such a point of truth when you need to stop lying to yourself and give... the right to the other person to leave, stay, show anything, absolutely, yes, in order not to lead to a state where this person uses force, for example, yes, because well, this is unacceptable, obviously, but if we talk about what tatyana is talking about, how did you allow another person to sit on such a pedestal where you you put him as the main thing in your relationship, and your sense of self begins to depend on it, that’s where you begin to lose yourself. exactly, so the most important thing is

to learn to trust yourself, your feelings, and for this you need to, well, touch them with your fingertips all the time, and this is the only truth about you, for you, no matter what the other person says, but the feeling of you will definitely never your feelings will not be deceived, you are watching the podcast triggers with you its host tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist psychologist psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, as for your relationship with your dad, well, it’s always like that not a very pleasant situation, probably, when you need to remove him from the pedestal, and for a while, he will then get back there again, but this will be a more conscious decision or something, because yes, this is dad, he was a good dad, not a husband fact, and it’s as if you removed a tracing paper from him for any manifestations of masculinity, but this is true, this is where i agree, because... having been in this state, when you said that let’s try

to get away from this image , suddenly, it’s as if it’s clean and a white sheet, that is, how differently? i can tell you as a father, and not there as a psychologist, but as a father, that when we raise a daughter, we put a lot into her with a reserve, and such that she, you know, in the caucasus there is such a proverb that when you raise a son, you raise a person. when you raise a daughter, you are raising a nation, but the daughter always seems to be burdened with a little more than is probably necessary, so, of course, it is very difficult for women, especially when the father really took such a position, it is no better when the father, on the contrary, disappointed, but when dad turned out to be like this - an ideal , then of course, well, usually it is very difficult for women to build relationships with their husbands, with men, with their husbands, and dad really taught you a lot and showed you a lot, but i want to say that... such, you know, remember, pinocchio was looking

for the golden key, and he found it near the tortilla, i hope i won’t offend anyone by saying that this tortilla is for you, this is your mother now, just sit down and talk to her about how you saw him and how he was with her point of view, without in any way destroying any ideals, in no case doing anything like that, but just talk to her about her feminine part, what kind of woman she was, we already had such a conversation, you see, even more so. in fact, the picture that emerged was, let’s say, quite complex, not very rosy, as it turned out, and there were some moments that i didn’t even want to believe in, it was just after his death, but i told myself , and i also told her that it doesn’t matter to me what happened between you. because i don’t want my world to be shaken,

which here i am with my questions , so that this ideal is shaken, and most likely yes, i raised it, let’s say, to a very high level, despite the fact that, by the way, we communicated very little with him, we generally saw each other very little, i i understand, in the evening there for 2 minutes, where i was doing homework there back in school, they told me, well done, you’re doing it.

yes, to bring about conflict, and that’s probably the main idea that she always tried to convey to me, i saved the family, that’s why you are fighting in your life between the mother scenario. and an invented scenario with an ideal dad, well, you’re no longer a mom , that’s good, unlike your mom, you’re definitely not the kind of woman who will sit at home and save something there so that, yes, you have the opportunity to be absolutely free in your decisions, so it will be impossible to do anything with you free when you just

endure it for yourself, and of course dad doesn’t evaluate you based on your relationships, as if just accept the fact that pa... allow, let’s take this word, yes, allow yourself to build your own personal relationship scenario, this is probably the most important thing, yes, give free rein to your inner freedom, and i really liked what you recommended to me specifically about feelings, to rely on my feelings, i very often push them somewhere

far away, well, what seemed yes, this word seemed to me, but it didn’t seem , yes, trusting yourself, trusting yourself is very... hello, dear friends, this is the podcast life of the remarkable, i am with you, alexey varlamov, my guest is the famous

tv presenter, journalist, fyokla tolstaya, and we will talk about a wonderful scientist, slavist, academician. nikita ilyich tolstoy, and this is thekla’s father, thekla and i have known each other for a long time, and many times we have been in the opposite situation, when thekla asked questions and i answered, so today we are changing roles, and i am very interested in what kind of conversation we will have, especially , that the topic is very dear, very important, nikita ilyach turns 100 years old this year, so we ’ll talk about him as your father. as a wonderful scientist, as a person who once made an amazing impression on me, as on many students of the faculty of philology of moscow state university, because he was completely different, he was unlike anyone else, he had amazing lectures, and although i’ll be honest, i wasn’t very interested in slavic philology, well, for some reason, like that, but he himself,

the appearance of this tall, stately man, such a real russian a nobleman, a count, with a long beard, his speech, his movement, his gestures, it was something completely incredible. what are your memories of your father? we must tell our viewers that my father has been dead for more than a quarter of a century; unfortunately, he died at ninety sixth year, but really, in the twenty- third we celebrate the centenary of his birth. my memories, of course, are very, very warm, homely, when you say that he was not like others, then he is not a child, a daughter. doesn’t understand and doesn’t, doesn’t realize, but i’ve always been a daddy’s girl, and maybe i’ll say something completely different, about philology, we ’ll talk about serious things later, it seems to me that what i do is work on... .