there is a mom and there is a dad, and somehow you probably told him that you were getting a divorce, somehow there was some conversation when we were getting a divorce, he was 3 years old, so what? well, somehow it wasn’t like that, i can’t say that there was some kind of conversation, that is, he saw that my dad and i had conflicts, and in these conflicts he always seemed to protect me, my mother, yeah, and accordingly, such a conversation, that is, the conversation took place later, when he began to ask some questions there, and why? divorced dad and so on, yes, it happens that people together, yes, and then they get divorced, then misunderstandings arise, which means that my key slogan in life is that in the moment we do the only thing that we are capable of here now, but since we want our audience to receive new knowledge as well , then i will say that at 3 years old you need to talk to a child. divorce, yes, because

you, look at how you report that i had conflicts with my husband and my son defended me, that is, he can defend me for 3 years, but know the truth about what happened and what will never happen again mom and dad will be together, it’s as if he can’t, that’s why, but in any case, some kind of conversation took place in the end, but he has this acceptance that there will be no more of these men and women. never together, it seems to me, no, point one, yes, we’ll write it down, this is something that later, after our charming conversation, you can take to a psychologist for therapy, yes, that is, what needs to be done, how to talk to a child, so that he the fact of acceptance took place, well, it’s already passed, yes, i just have a question, it seems to me that children always hope that their parents will reconcile, because i have a friend my age, her parents divorced. when

she was at a more or less conscious age , all this was told to her in the moment, all this was explained, and she is more than 30 years old, she still thinks, suddenly, of course, this is a traumatic situation, a psychologist is sitting in front of you, who my parents divorced, they are no longer alive, and i still hope that they will measure up, i will finally have mom and dad together at the table. listen, we are all living people, this is always a very big trauma, why am i asking a question about divorce now? because... you and i have a theme in the description of the story: a man does not accept his son from his first marriage, but the son, as i understand it, is not delighted, but why should he be delighted? they brought her in, and now she’s taking away her mother , she’s also killed her brother , who is also taking away her mother, this is a podcast of the psyche, and we continue to analyze the story of our heroine anastasia, a man who does not accept her

child from a previous marriage, but you need to talk to the child when in such a situation that this man, this uncle, came to family, so that for you, not in the sense of being a dad, but besides a dad there are others, probably roles and functions and some values, yes, but i can’t tell him that maxim should be your dad, yes, for example, i can’t tell him that, he won’t be his dad because he has a child.

they expect adults to tell him this truth with words through their mouths, they can get sick, rebel, and do whatever they want for this, but just tell me the truth, tell me that i am a person who is so valuable to you that you are to me trust to know the truth, so here i am going to try to formulate things like this, but here we have a problem with an asterisk, we have a man who... first of all, did not come to the family, a guest marriage is not a family, let us not be disingenuous with you, yes, and secondly, he conveys in every possible way to the boy, ours, to whom no one tells the truth, along the way, and he transmits rejection to him, and if his dad, we assume , yes, we can’t dive so deep now if dad is our own, accepting father. in contact in emotional

an accepting mother, who, well, loves all this, then when he encounters rejection from an adult, he doesn’t at all... understand what’s happening, he doesn’t have that experience, yeah, and he will naturally look at his mother, mom trying here and there, to play two roles at the same time, both the mistress, excuse me, and the mother, and then there is the youngest son as a dancer, yes, then what does this child begin to do when he does not have an adult who begins to protect, he should start attacking him.

but he says that, well, firstly, he, apparently, there is something in his own history, why he has such a reaction to the child, this is only his projection, it has nothing to do with your son at all, but there is, my friends, such a thing in family systems as family hierarchy , and the whole point is that your son first appeared in your life, only then this wonderful man appeared, and until... until this man recognizes this fact, that this little beautiful boy, he is superior it's in hierarchy, this hierarchy is not about what i he said, you went, and this is about recognition , about recognition, about respect for the fact that you

had a life before him, there was love, and this child was born in love, oh, he doesn’t really want to admit this, by the way, this is the place for conflict. you 're dragging, you're dragging your past behind you, sometimes we talk to him too, we're not silent, we're swearing, we're adults, like civilized people, yes, we 're trying to discuss all this, like you speak with words through your mouth, he says, well, you ’re dragging your past with you, or everything would be there it would be good if you left the child there with dad, but i can’t leave him with dad, great story, just a great idea, that is, wait.

it turns out that no, because now there is still a network, the internet, yes, there are a lot of excellent lectures, including many famous psychologists, yes, that is, yes, who say that a woman cannot separate a child from herself, this is her part of the body, there is an arm, a leg, a tail, and so on, yes, and he calls on a woman to abandon her child, this is tantamount to saying, well, cut yourself off hand to be with me, well, that is, pay me for me to consider you... make a sacrifice for your woman, make a sacrifice, we have the same theme with make a sacrifice, and by the way, it also happened with the second child, well, which we have in common, but tell me, it’s so unique , tell me, it’s important, the second child, i’m ready to tell you, yes, as if in principle

this also happens in life, this is life, yes, it’s clear what happens at 30 years old you meet, not only to read poetry to each other, well, at some point we flew on weekend, two of us flew into the bosom , but three of us arrived, that is, an unplanned pregnancy, yes, yes, and so unplanned that we found out, there are such physiological moments that we found out not in the cycle in which it happened, even then, that is, there were already some things to think about, when we came to the doctor, they left us less than a week, so accordingly, it was with this moment that we arrived. he didn’t come with me to the office, i have tears in my office like a river, the doctor tells me, well, i’m okay with you i won’t do it, leave the office , goodbye, as if we were on our way, wait, you have already come to have an abortion, yes, that is,

the decision has already been made, the decision was made in my doctor’s office , tears just begin to hail, i i’m silent, my tears are still flowing like a hail, well, as if such a woman’s wife was quite adequate, but she just left the office. so how did he take it? so he started telling me about the biblical parable about abraham, yes, how he took his son to the mountain when he was there raised this... sword over his head, yes, that the lord told him that yes, i believe that you are devoted to me, yes, that is, this is a parable that actually speaks not about human relationships, yes, but about sacrifice in fact, to god, that is, for your man, when he cited himself as an example, he drew parallels, yes, it was determined that he is the king and god, the king is god, the creator from above, yes, and you, then, let’s make a sacrifice for me in the form of these guys. which was still in the mother’s womb, well, they left the baby, they left the baby, then he

says: i’m so glad that you left him, i’m so glad, that is, after all, he was happy, but he still wants a sacrifice from you, there’s no one there, well, look, my friends, he may want anything, now it’s important to understand what nastya wants, well , taking into account what we’ve already said, maybe you saw something new? uh, there may be some sensations, new feelings arise, you know, every month there is some kind of feeling, maybe even, well, i don’t want to admit it, that it is precisely the futility of the relationship, because what will happen if you admit it, they will end, and what will happen then, well, we will break up, but i don’t seem to want to yet, that is , i understand exactly what i want to preserve - the relationship with this man, i want to preserve. well, in principle, i ’ve known a man for almost 5 years already, and in about

this time i’ve already guessed what kind of reactions a person might give you to certain moments, and now you were talking about admitting, for example, that the child was first with recognition of my past, well, 5 years, yes, we have been arguing about this and he doesn’t admits, that is, you too, what ’s happening to you, are you talking about him all the time, yours? focus on you, what's happening to you? i’m offended, but what’s offended? why is that? well, that is, you , excuse me, have an expectation from this man that he will break the spell and say: dear son, what a blessing that you came into my life with your mother together, no, look, nastya, you can, i’ll translate, as he says we have ekaterina from russian into russian, yes, it seems to me, if i understood correctly, that we are now marking time, yes, we are watching this one stuck episode, so we have 5 years

, that’s it, let’s see what real ways the situation can develop, and what will happen in a year, in two, in five, let’s try to speculate, because that’s all we hear now , these are ponies running in circles, nastenka, yes, let’s mentally imagine ourselves in a year. not a fantasy, it seems like i want to feel, try to see a picture, how you can feel, i don’t understand, i understand how you can plan, how you can fantasize, for example, for example, it’s summer, i’m walking through the park , next to me someone, well, the little one will definitely go, so the youngest, that is, you are walking through the park together, yes...

how do you feel when you walk through the park in the summer with such a wonderful baby by the hand, you know that the eldest son has already grown up, he can walk on his own, mostly freely, there is a feeling of freedom inside. yes, where are you going, and we are going, well , if it’s in the park, i imagine, for some reason this path that goes in the botanical garden along the kamenka river, you know, there’s a bodsad there, yeah, we’re walking, we’re walking, i love sitting, i also love sitting there, looking at the fontancola from afar, from these steps, uh-huh, wonderful, that’s wonderful, the picture is simply mesmerizing, absolutely.

does not accept her child from a previous marriage, i just want to add one point, we tried to live together, yeah, and the man works as an it specialist, works for a large... foreign company, and accordingly he, well , we went after him, and lived there with him for some period of time, i left first, i just at some point i’ll go, no i’ll go, i’ll go, i won’t go, literally in 3 days i ’m packing my things and leaving with two boys, with two boys we’re flying away, yes, because i felt my eldest child

was so uncomfortable with all this, he asked me every day when we were going home when home, although he studied for an hour. school , he was not offended, but the child was so uncomfortable that i say, we packed up in 3 days, left, just returned to moscow, and returned to moscow, yes, and the most interesting thing is, he also packed his things a week later, he said employer, if you don’t like the fact that i work from russia, you can have me there, that is , he followed you, but at the same time you don’t live together, we don’t live together, fantasy, well , listen, how is this the fantasy that is our usual life, but how do you look at the option... in which there is a family, you and your sons, the youngest son has a sunday dad, well, that’s how it is now, and what ’s wrong, i don’t have time to meet him during the week, and what’s wrong, that is , it turns out that the eldest son has his own dad with whom they communicate, that’s right, yes, well, the youngest son has his own dad,

okay, where am i baby, where have i been, i want love too, warmth, so wait, how i want to make history, you understand what the whole thing is, nastya, he should, it’s like - very interesting , you have a request for a family, yes, you have a request for a family, but you chose a man who does not have this request, yes, bingo, and it’s very painful to admit, in fact, and this is very big.

you'll find out what it's all about, nastya, she just said a completely magical phrase: what about my baby, i want to lie in one, well, i want warmth, i want hugs, i want this feeling when there is a family, to ask for it, that i’m talking about you in the third person, nastin sr. is a son, and he also actually has a request for a family, in fact, what i want to say , about the fact that when nastya’s eldest son receives rejection... from a man, nastya at that moment takes this rejection personally, she perceives it as her rejection, and this is a story about the fact that we, all parents , what happens to our children in the first split second we react from our inner child, from that state when i was 11 years old, that is, when my

teenage daughter was 13, and she was terribly arguing with her father, which is basically normal. i also say that i perceive this as how you don’t accept me, so you tell me that i should put him somewhere, and what am i a man? yes, it turns out i don’t accept you, what should i do? wait, what

do i mean, what do you mean, it’s solved, what can we do? you accept your man’s child from your first marriage, well, you see, there’s another point here, that i see her very rarely, but i i accept. and what will i do, she is already there , sweet, good girl, beautiful, no matter what , we go there together, we walk, i give her gifts there, how can i accept her, yes, i don’t wake up with her, i’m there wait.

yes, yes, therefore, and your attitude towards your son has somehow transformed into this situation over these 5 years, yes, no, towards your son, no, towards

my son, even before that there were moments when he annoyed me, yes, they started more precisely at the moment of divorce, when i start, you start to see your ex-husband, and it just starts to make you, damn it, oh my, why is this so, and the older he gets, the more he looks like his dad, who should he look like? what are we going to do with the other half of what the father of this child put in you? well, yes, just admit that he put it there, and be proud that your son has such a father, we’re not talking about a man, my dear, but about the child’s father, mind you, our whole conversation today is about family roles. i don’t know, friends, i understand that you are now having a dialogue between a psychologist and a client, but i, with my, so to speak, worldly otherworldly bell tower, want to say that in my opinion, it’s generally immoral, immoral, immoral

, infantile, i allow myself value judgments, basically it puts a woman before a choice, i’m a man or your child, but it’s just so unnatural for me , it’s so abnormal, maybe i’m sorry , old formation.

you have something that doesn’t give you - the opportunity to call a spade a spade and see the obvious, this man may remain in your life, but he will never be the one who will give you warmth, family , that’s all, and i i still don't believe in never, nastya, i never believe, but i believe that you will find some options in this complex problem with an asterisk. decision, what do you think, that from this conversation, maybe you could already feel, i would like to find, of course , a solution, well, i felt that in

many moments i just need to take it and admit to myself that round is round, square is square and it will never be the other way around, that’s why thank you very much for the opportunity to communicate with your wonderful expert, thank you very much for your experience and advice. and maybe when anastasia recognizes this square square, then a way out will appear, some kind of solution, then inner freedom and the desire to live will be felt, family psychologist ekaterina sivanova helped anastasia, i hope, take the first steps towards solving this olympiad problem, psyche podcast .

psychologist, i work with family systems , when i listen to a client, i imagine who is who, who has to, that here there is a civil marriage, well, between anastasia and a man, that there was a marriage, there was a child, and it gives me such a picture , that is, you know, this 3d turns out when you then describe all this in detail with the client, you begin to see patterns, including in family scenarios, in behavioral strategies, well, in general it’s very interesting, this is the ... which i use with absolutely all clients, that is, this is a visualization of family relationships, which may not be obvious to the client, yes, of course, we showed it today, how cool, well, then we will invite you to draw more here such diagrams, thank you.

hello, this is a podcast of precious history, and i, the host, are the director of the all-russian museum of alexander sergeevich pushkin, sergey nikrasov. today we will talk about the tsarsko-selo lyceum. most recently, at the highest level, support was confirmed for ideas to revive the educational system. institution in tsarskoe selo for training civil servants, we, of course, will not talk about what kind of educational institution it will be, what its programs will be, but we will focus on the history of the lyceum, on what this educational institution is was different from many others. the lyceum arose at the very beginning of the 19th century. when

emperor alexander ii ascended the throne in 1801, he proposed a program for transforming the country, but it turned out that , in general, there was no one to implement this program. there were no trained specialists at a high state level who could, with energy and knowledge of the matter, implement the reforms that the tsar was going to propose. serious reforms were planned, especially since the emperor’s main assistant in this matter was mikhail mikhailovich spiransky, an outstanding russian reformer, an outstanding statesman of our fatherland, it was precisely he, spiransky, who came up with the idea to create a special educational institution, the main

task of which, as he believed, was to be the education of youth, especially destined for important parts state service, he thought that it should be, firstly, next to the royal palace, so that he could be guided by all the changes that took place in state policy directly, and the choice fell on tsarskoe selo. and in 1808, spiransky submitted his project for a new educational institution to emperor alexander i. of course, the king did not react immediately. he needed to get acquainted with this document, listen to the opinion of those dignitaries who were authoritative people for him,

he, of course, gave this into his hands. razumovsky, the then minister of public education, the charter of the future educational institution was discussed for a year and a half, and i could not resist the temptation to take from the auxiliary fund our museum has a copy of this charter, which we will now look through, but since it is still at least an auxiliary museum, it is a museum. fund, then you must first of all put on gloves and only then turn to this charter. the charter is a beautiful work of art. the artist novoselov placed here not only the text that spiransky offered him, but also various kinds of allegorical paintings made using watercolor technique. and

it represents the charter. of course , this is undoubtedly a work of art. here is a list of those subjects that should accompany training. in the list of these subjects, first of all , moral sciences. the original foundation of the law of god and moral philosophy, the original foundation of logic. there are mathematical and physical sciences. arithmetic, geometry, algebra. there are historical sciences. russian history, history, foreign history, geography, chronology, yes. on the basic principles of elegant writing, selected passages from the best writers with analysis thereof, rules of rhetoric, penmanship, drawing, dancing, fencing, horse riding , swimming. the charter was signed by emperor

alexander ii and the minister of public education, count alexei kirillovich razumovsky. the charter has been signed. was on august 12 , 1810 at the kamenoostrovsky palace, then the emperor went in the best mood to petergov for the holiday, and instructed the graduate student to closely take up the lyceum affairs. it took a year and a half to select a staff of teachers for... say that in 1808, when spiransky first proposed the charter of the lyceum emperor alexander i, 12 of the best graduates of the st. petersburg pedagogical institute were sent for

an internship to continue their education, as they put it in stupid times, to foreign lands, to france, to germany, where for 3 years they received... this additional education, and they returned as people, not only educated, but also people familiar with all the trends of european freethinking science, they were relatively young people, because we are hypnotized by this phrase, professor of the imperial tsarskoye selo lyceum, and the professors were 28-30 years old, that’s all they could do. understand over these years of study, they tried to pretend all this in their teaching practice. the first director of the lyceum was vasily fetrovich malinovsky, a wonderful person, an outstanding figure of russian

education, the author of the then-famous, and even somewhat sensational work at that time, treatise on the eternal world, everything was already ready for the very day when the lyceum... should was to open, however, first it was necessary to determine the composition of the students, so in at the beginning of january 1811 , an announcement appeared in moscow and st. petersburg newspapers about the creation of a new educational institution for representatives of the young russian nobility and young men aged 11-12 years who would like to study at the lyceum were invited to take exams, so it turns out that the minister of public education, who was involved in all the details of the creation of the lyceum, organized these tests directly at home; at that

time, count alexey kirillovich razumovsky had a beautiful palace and park ensemble on the banks of the fontanka, this is literally... opposite the current building of the large drama theater from the fontanka to the suburban avenue, it was a luxurious building where applicants for this high title of lyceum student began to gather. the exams were really serious, a good half of these tests failed, but still 30 people were selected. for the first year, for the first graduation, and having received notification that they had been accepted for education , these boys, accompanied by their fathers or grandfathers, began to gather in the royal

village. in tsarskoye selo, they were first of all brought to the house of the lyceum director, and the lyceum director’s house was literally opposite the tsarskoye selo lyceum. it was, as they would say today, a service living space, at first vasily fetrovich malinovsky lived there, then another director began to live there, yegor antonovicheld lived there.

of course, first of all there was a divine service, and then all the guests gathered in the large hall of the imperial tsarskoye selo lyceum, in this hall that we see now. the most honored guests were at the table. emperor alexander entered this hall, a solemn ceremony began, future lyceum students began to be introduced to him, and for the first time here, under the arches of this hall, the name alexander pushkin was heard. there were a lot of speeches, there were speeches.

it is designed from 7:00 am to 7:00 pm,

this does not mean that lyceum students had to sit and listen to lectures continuously for 12 hours or answer this and that lesson, no, everything was done very wisely, because general lectures alternated with general walks in the park in any weather, physical games they were, of course, mainly in the so-called fence, now we are here... we see this rare, one-of-a-kind watercolor, which shows the fence, as it was called then, since they fenced this piece of the grove with a fence, here are images of this place of times alexander sergeevich pushkin studied there. one of the important subjects in the lyceum was drawing and drawing was taught by a man who simultaneously held the position of senior inspector and so... being a senior tutor, he had an apartment in the lyceum

on the fourth floor, in this apartment at one o'clock his students gathered, quite a few hours were allocated in the curriculum for drawing, but since every evening from 7 to 10 there was free time in the evening, sergei gavrilovich chirikov, the drawing teacher, had a senior tutor. and they really drew absolutely delightfully, here in front of us is one of these drawings of the apostle, who was depicted by ivan malinovsky, and another drawing, the head of an athenian warrior, belongs to lomanosov’s pupil, the question immediately arises, what about

pushkin, we know his drawings, later drawings, here is his early drawing, drawn by alexander pushkin, a dog with a bird. ity, his abilities and to do everything as much as possible to ensure that these abilities were developed, therefore, those who wished to become military and dreamed of military service, special teachers came for them, officers from st. petersburg, who additionally very

seriously engaged in military affairs with those who chose a military career for himself in the future. gorchukov, lumanosov and other lyceum students. poets, poets delvik, poet kichelbecker, the future minister of foreign affairs, came out of the lyceum and of course, the brilliant poet pushkin. pushkin did not

need to study poetry, but he had to learn many other things.

opening of the lyceum, and they liked it so much that they decided to gather together until their death and celebrate this day. pushkin. was in st. petersburg, he was always with his comrades on this day, october 19, and not only was he there, he always kept minutes of this

meeting, minutes that sometimes ended with humorous words, well, for example, once, when he had to go to the tver province , after the celebration 19 october pushkin - completely filled out the protocol, added four lines at the end, diligently... praying to god, shouting hurray to the lyceum, farewell, brothers, i'm on my way, it's time for you to go to bed. pushkin’s biography developed in such a way that, of course, sometimes he was forced to be absent from these gatherings for very valid reasons. this was the case, for example , in 1825, when pushkin was in exile in mikhailovsky, but three of... you, friends of my soul, were embraced here by me, this is why my house is disgraced, my house is abandoned, you were the first to visit, you

sweetened the sad day of exile, you a day his lyceum was, in fact, transformed by pushchin , who arrived - literally for pushkin for one day, bringing with him french champagne, and most importantly the manuscript of griboyedov's comedy woe from wit, really... sweetened the exile of the sad day, in his memoirs ivan ivanovich pushin details about wrote this, and of course, we cannot help but remember this friendship, since in the person, which was, as we have already said, a closed educational institution, the sidewalks were on the top fourth floor, it was there that pushkin’s room and the room pushchina was separated only by a thin partition, so while talking over...

alexandra grigorievna muravyova, the fourth cousin of alexander sergeevich pushkin and the wife of the decembrist

muravyov, born countess chernyshova, approached the fence and held out a piece of paper, on this piece of paper ivan ivanovich pushchin read my first friend, my friend priceless, this was the poem that pushkin sent here from muravyova. and of course this was a huge event for ivan ivanovich pushchin and, of course, powerful support. there were different relationships between lyceum students, but they were all united by this lyceum friendship, this lyceum brotherhood. we continue the conversation about the tsarskoye selo lyceum. sergey nekrasov is with you. we just remembered how i wrote to alexandrga.