how to help, that is, well, this help is not constant, that is, it will no longer be as available every day as always, again , my grandmother is a lively person, she is a beauty, and she absolutely loves to cook, that is, i know , that it will always be delicious, it will always be delicious, there will definitely always be soup with pancakes, svetlana, before you enter into a dialogue with our guest, i want. ask you: what is the role of a psychologist in such a situation? well , it’s difficult to have such an unambiguous answer as to what will happen in the dialogue with the client. to say, this is always the art of improvisation , but the goal of this communication is so that a person, well, at least in the logotherapeutic approach, has not just a certain decision on what to do, but also so that all forces are activated so that this decision was fulfilled, that is, it’s not enough... to realize something, it’s not enough to understand

something, you also need to get some kind of internal consent to implement this decision, a very specific plan of action that could be taken at the very next moment, not just like wow or insight or some kind of experience, i mean, it’s really good to do exercises in the morning, it’s great, i understand, but so that it’s still done, so that there’s a specific plan, but oksana has a solution?

it is important for him, it is important for him that all participants in this process also receive something, but at the same time, look, she immediately draws our attention to the issue of separation, which means she thinks about it, yes, she thinks about create her own nest, she thinks about flying out of the nest in which she stayed in a place where it was comfortable, but at the same time, to look for herself like a worm. in order to spread her wings herself, this is important, but at the same time, it is also important to show those whom she leaves if this decision is made that everything worked out for them, including that the best parenting is the best parenting when you know that your children can spread their wings and fly on their own, when you watch with delight as they soar in the sky, this is the best... the best gift for parents, if

the chick wants this, well, let's help, come on, uh-huh, oksana, but at first you said that there were seven of you, and i counted six, and i , my husband, two children, already four, mom, dad and grandmother, also dad, yes, here we have almost nothing about dad we know, yes, and this is important, i think, yes, of course, what kind of relationship do you have with your dad, good, good, and with your mom too, yes, you said, yes, but how...

initially everything turned out a little differently, but i had to come to terms with it with how it turned out, now dad, well, at least he says he broadcasts what is great for him with his grandchildren, how great it is that they are there every day here, that he comes home from work, he can take them for a walk, that is, like a grandfather, he is now realizing himself in all his glory, and well, he always actually said that i have nothing for you and your mother..

.. still, i adhere to the fact that i try to raise boys in such a way that 18, you are independent and the time will come when you will fly away, each to your own nest, and whatever message you give them so that they succeed, you will succeed, i

believe in you, try to do everything so that you can live separately, well, i will help you in every possible way , as much as i have the opportunity to do so, but i really want each of you... to build your personal life yourself, yeah, why is this important to you, probably because i don’t got it, why is this important to you, i want it myself, why is it important for you that your children build their own lives, so that they cope with it there, why is this important to you? i guess i now want to return to your words at the beginning, when you said that this is such great praise and parents' understanding of what happened, what happened. this is parenthood, yeah, we’ll definitely come back to this, it’s great that you caught it, but still, it seems to me that natalya, it seems to me, guesses what answer i want to get, and you know it, but here it is for now not yet pronounced, this is actually what you, natalya, were talking about then, if the decision is whether there is some kind of internal understanding, we

always have some kind of internal understanding, but it seems to be invisible to us, we need to get through to it in order to unpack, here’s a box that ’s standing there, but we… don’t see it, like air, we don’t see it, we don’t want to see it, or maybe we’re looking at something else at this moment, so that’s why it’s important for you that your children can decorate it on their own their lives , so that they can cope, so that you can watch with the same delight how everything is in order with them, why do you care how things will happen for them, because these are my children, then same time i get my privacy, will you get it? my personal life, but you said, these are your children, and what follows from this is that you feel for them, well, love, care, and this is my continuation, this is your continuation at the same time, something very independent, yeah, then

it is they who inherited genetics there, they inherited the health that they may have inherited from you and from their spouses, but at the same time they are independent people who must go through their own lives, and no one else is likely to be able to go through this life, you can stand somewhere on the sidelines watching them go, but at the same time, they must move their own legs, and here you cannot replace them with anyone and you cannot substitute anyone here, everyone must go through their own life, you said that you want it this way, because you love them. that you are proceeding precisely from love when you want them to go through life on their own, but at the same time you said that your parents also love you very much, yes, would they like to see you go through this life on your own, i think so, but how can it be

expressed, this is how it can be expressed love for you in terms of allowing your life to develop independently. this is the message that they could send to you, what perhaps you hear from them in this regard? i probably hear it, but maybe i don’t perceive it, or maybe my message is not that, but what do you hear? mom even recently said such a phrase that i’m even ready to sell the dacha in order to invest in an apartment, that is, mom is ready to let you go, yes, but then i objected. what, i say, what are you, i say, dacha, i say, this is a family nest, how is this, this is impossible, well, how am i i say, we’ll find some other way, and my mother also talks about how, well , now we’ll install a gas supply there, we’ll be able

to leave there, she told me, oksan, well, we don’t want to leave this apartment completely, i say, mom, no one is kicking you out, but what are you saying, well, this is your apartment, as if i were saying, we need to move out, not you, we, well, we need to look for some ways, we need to look some, well, roads to get around, that is, my mother said that she was even ready to sell her dacha in order to invest in a new home for you. how then can you observe family traditions, if you suddenly live separately with your family, you will have your own apartment, your own kitchen, each child has a room, you and your husband will sit in the living room, then go to the bedroom, you have a beautiful view from the window, and you cook and order food yourself, but then how will there be family traditions that follow from your parents, how then will the holidays deal with this? meetings, going to the theater together, as we like to do, and after school the children can

come to your grandmother to eat her delicious pies, pancakes, yes, yes, of course, but how old are your children? and 6 years old, five, they are still small, small, like prince yuri dolgoruki, with the light hand of the ukrainians, became a lithuanian, by the way, ivan the terrible said that he was german and spoke in prison language, this is the first time i have heard such grimacing. watch other podcasts on the website 1tv.ru. svetlana, can i ask you, look, you

somehow very quickly brought oksana to her father’s line, it seemed to me that this was very good, you hit the nail on the head. yes. and i watched oksana, when you talked about this, and how i read her emotions. it seemed to me that perhaps you would tell oksana, whether it’s true or not, that you might even be scared by the fact that you might upset your father. yes, there is such a thing. yes, that this will be a blow for dad, maybe this is the hook that holds the whole situation, yeah, do you think there is something in this, because i have a feeling that if we are gone, he will feel completely it’s boring to live because every time he comes home from work, it’s there, well, someday he can even pick up the children from kindergarten, that is, he understands that he is flying back from work, he now has responsibilities there, that now he will come there to take them for a walk and... play with them there or watch something, that is, well somehow he ’s already had a busy evening, and if they’re not there

, it seems to me that he’ll get bored, maybe oksana is a hostage to her daughter’s still very childish love for her dad, maybe here we have just the request for separation, and this is a really cool story, in general, this is a rare situation when you can to have such a warm relationship with your parents, you definitely have something to gain. pass on by inheritance to your children, they can see how great it is when such wonderful warm relationships are restored between older family members and younger ones, but it is equally important for children to see that they too, you want to let them go on their own , it is important for them to see an example of how you can rebuild yourself, how you can be together, well, yes, he doesn’t have an example, in fact, you know, this famous one...

the wind was blowing so that there would be some other one like that independence in this column, then this is a good family for marital relationships, and for relationships with different generations, so that the wind blows, so that there really is an opportunity to be together apart, to know that i can be alone, that i have something to rely on in myself, but i have excellent rears, i have something to lean my shoulder blades on, this is a wonderful story, i have something to share.

parental nest, they stayed with her, and grandmother is the person who took me to kindergarten every day and carried me back in her arms, that is, this is the one a person who very wisely supported me during my puberty, yes, when it was difficult for me to make any decisions, my grandmother was always there, and she so deftly always sat me down at the table with tea, these heart-to-heart conversations, that is, she ’s there once...

at home to separate now, this is even to some extent, but if you don’t betray, then disappoint your grandmother, the most, most significant adult, yeah, it’s just some kind of dead end we’re getting with you, actually not quite like that, but it’s great that grandma is there, to her eighty-four years old, who has such experience, like this, she is such a main character, the main character of this family, she is... the head of this family, she looks as if what is happening and how such a picture is revealed in front of her, but at the same time, probably, the grandmother was it would be important to understand when she leaves, she will definitely leave someday, so that those who remain have the opportunity to still cope

without her, maybe, maybe, but probably now like this...

she will always give more bags with they will definitely send something there, put at least some bread there, a piece butter, but she will definitely give something, that is, she is such a person, she gives, she always gives, now, that is, well , it’s impossible for her, but how can i change my life like that, how do they yes, and who will i give to, what if there was an answer to whom she can give and what she can give, and how she can give, i don’t know, i’m at a dead end here, i personally am at a dead end here, because i see how in life, for example, she gives.. ... and for my son-in-law, that is, my dad, she has been looking after him all his life, that is, as if he were her own son, looking after him, watching, stroking, cooking, until a certain age, she always cleaned the apartment and so on, that is, when i had already grown up , she said that this is my boundary , please don’t go into my room, i will clean myself, i beg you, that is, we also had such people there some grinding, then

i finally won it back, she stopped cleaning there, how did you do it? but honestly, at some time it was through swearing, that is , i just fought back with a scream and said: “don’t, please, i ask, please don’t come here, because i’m used to this i have a candlestick standing this way and i don’t want it to stand differently, i’ll wipe off this dust myself, just please don’t go in, that is , you’ve already gone through a piece of separation , you’ve torn a little with your hand, with your hand, yeah, now it seems to me , this is just the right moment to move on, which is exactly what oksana drew attention to, what good parenting is in general, but she describes an ideal family, you understand, she describes that dream family, especially if you look from the outside , without delving into, yes, this is what it looks like it’s a truly friendly family, in

which everyone appreciates each other, look, her non-separation, as it seems to me, is not the non-separation of an infantile person, no, on the contrary, she thinks about everyone, she thinks about the children, about dad, about mother, about grandmother, that is, she leaves not because she is so infantilely comfortable, but because she has a soul. it hurts behind everything, here you are on the outside, it seems so perfect, it’s so great, so cool, yeah, but still, there is love that manifests itself precisely in giving space for another person, yes, so that everything works out for the other, when i leave, grandma leaves, she must be calm, it is very important to be calm, that those who remain will be fine, that

they will be fine, they will cope, this does not mean that it’s time for me to die, no, this means that on sunday we will come to chabureiki, this means that i have something to do there on sunday in order to

continue these traditions there, so that we know every holiday , where we will gather and somehow contribute to this holiday, but this is it’s very worrying if i don’t know how it’s going without me, yeah, and this is where you can help, help. so that your older relatives stop worrying or so that they can really rest assured that everything is fine with you, and if something happens, you know where to find us, but the most important thing is that your children, too, you can still learn to be independent, but it’s as if in an image like this, if those who are significant to them, parents, first of all, can do something on their own, where they show how to do it in words: there you yourself must lace up my shoes, but of course i will hear, but if i see that my mother is lacing there herself, then i want to do it myself, if i see that my mother can

go somewhere herself, saying that she has things to do, that this is important work, which means i can also have some important things to do, some important work, how else will i learn that i can have something independent? this is a psyche podcast, where i, journalist natalya losva, my expert today... personal life, they probably didn’t learn this at all with dad oksana, in general, it’s not too late to start, this is such a wonderful

, mature married couple, where the dad is so loving, so reverent, so responsive, this can be a completely new stage of life for mature parents, how old are your parents , mom 63, dad 61, well, young in general, well , how did you leave this syndrome? she and her dad travel together extremely rarely, because mostly now mom is already retired and she has a sister who is also retired and so they go on excursions together, that

is, they are like... each other’s best friends and they are still together, this is also very rare and great when sisters maintain such relationships, but at the same time , mom also has such a vector of development in the good sense of the word, when their relationship with dad can also be different - then, when dad is also involved in some kind of travel, excursions, she tries, she tries there, but dad, dad sometimes gives in, but what? dad loves to just, for example, come to the dacha and relax, and i also saw this thread, you said that your mother spends a lot of time with my sister, yeah, as i understand it, they have a close relationship, yes, very much, but at the same time they don’t need to live together, maybe it’s also an example for everyone, yes, yes, yes, well, you know, how, so

life turned out to be really interesting too.

i’ll leave, my parents and my grandmother will be able to be happy and happy that i’m building my personal life, absolutely, and what i liked when oksana said, not if i leave, when i leave, well, really , you know how it is for me this is a problem and the moment has been in me for a long time and this is how the ball sits, now i understand that this little ball is unwinding, and it just becomes easy for me. it’s easy from the realization that i can, you know, this is actually a very important thing, that you say this, because it’s so warm, just warm, conscious, i would n’t even say parting, but a transition to a new quality of life, under such circumstances, it is very important for those who start on a good path, those who... but

must follow their own path, who must really create their own family, their own, your own traditions, yes, where something will really arise only thanks to you, your children, your husband, the children will have the experience of independent life, an understanding of how they can go on - go on and build their own lives on their own, you can become the founder, it is you ... a completely new chain, a chain of how to treat a good family, without the traumatic of this broken nest, with such a very good parting, when you really watch with delight how people leave in order to continue life. well, friends, it seems to me that today ’s situation has turned out well for us, our today’s

heroine leaves, as she says, with a light feeling and with the words that i can, and i see that with a whole plan on how to act. svetlana, you didn’t tell the heroine what to do, you didn’t give advice, you just asked questions, was it improvisation or was it some kind of technique for the heroine to come up with solutions to questions, well, it was definitely improvisation, but along with those which can become... a style of consultation, a style of conversation, when i relied on the best that is in our heroine, on what has not yet been revealed, but is definitely ripe to be revealed, and i it seemed that it was important to look at the absolutely meaningful potential that can and should be used, instead of dismantling

it traumatically. hello, i'm dmitry bak, and here is a literary podcast under a romantic

name, let them not talk, let them read. we we're talking about literature, we're talking about books , we're talking about writers, but this year we 're celebrating the anniversary of arkady petrovich gaidar, so we... you know, here's the first word that for some reason came to mind - honesty, honesty , decency, loyalty to one’s work , understanding of the child. it seems

to me that the most important thing for arkady petrovich is that he always remained a man, despite the fact that he had a lot of trials, in childhood - the first world war, in his youth, the civil war. in adulthood the great patriotic war, always remained a man who was true to himself, his ideals and never betrayed himself. here - mandelstam said a little later, after gaidar had already become a writer, that in the first half of the 20th century, in the first third of even the 20th century, people were knocked out of their biographies, like balls from billiard pockets, this is a very capacious image, well, that is, we don’t know . who would gorky be, who would babel be, who would pasternak be, if not for the revolution and not the first world war, that is , this is the time when everyone mixed up cards, but even against this background, gaidar has

a completely unique biography, you know, i was amazed when this is still just a child, a child in the fourteenth year, so he is 10 years old, he... answers to questions: first: what do soldiers think about the war ? writes arkady, is it true that they say that they will attack only if they put the rear bourgeoisie on the front line. well, look, i see a paradox in this letter, dear daddy, on the other

hand, teach me how to be a military man, but dad won’t teach him to be a military man, why won’t he, because by and large he’ll go to the army, strange as it may sound , his mother brought him, when his son came one day he said: that he’s going to the front, his mother makes such a, you know, purely feminine move with a knight, she negotiates with the commander of the first red battalion , which is stationed in arzamas, so that he, the commander, would take arkady to his place, having been there and not quite old yet, well, everyone knows that he commanded a regiment for 17 years, it ’s like a fact, but why did this man suddenly become a writer if talk about what starts from childhood, from childhood he has a very a good school in... arzamas, where there is an excellent and, probably, most beloved teacher, a literature teacher. let 's call the city of arzamas again, because the city of arzamas, the city of gaidar, he was not born in this city, but this is his city, he is a man of the world, he lived everywhere, worked everywhere, yes,

in the urals, in the far east , and of course, timur, his team, wrote there in a wedge, and he was happy, the most important thing is that he was happy, i believe that it was natalya a’s mother... he is still a golik at this time of a golik for the first time in 25 this will be said , this is also an obvious fact. that arkady petrovich kolikov became the writer arkady gaidar. communicating with my mother, who at that time was very sick and lives in crimea. arkady hears these words as parting words that son, everything you tell about the war is very interesting. i think that there will be people who will want to know where, how our story began, how wonderful it is, it happens, first they tell children something, yes, then it turns out that it can be written down, it will be it’s not that interesting...

she’s right in many ways, especially since she generally knows the biography of arkady gaidar very, very deeply, but it seems to me that this is still an era, that is, this is the time, the time made writers out of many people, well, we mentioned that goleka became kaidar, but this pseudonym, which later became a surname, and there are many hypotheses, well, for me, it’s kind of like in aida or gaida - this is a slogan forward, yes, but there are others. in soviet times they were very fond of saying that gaydar comes from

the mongolian word haidar, which means horseman jumping ahead or looking ahead , that is, unfortunately, the mongols do not have such a word in the language, mongolian students told me about this, who know the hypothesis, which is a legend, there are too many legends, and if we talk about some kind of romantic relationship, in including to gaidar, then arkady gaidar got dirty.

i think he’s very, very gifted and here he ’s special he’s special here with me or special yes yes yes for him his reader is like a child, but he and this reader are completely equal and serious, this a child who, and you have some kind of book, is here, this is my dear one, yes, that’s it, here it is, gaidar, a volume, this is a four-volume publication.

such warming and a very large publishing program at this time, this is a four-volume green, so-called blue version, but it’s a little blue green, here it is. he. and you know, maybe, looking ahead, i just can’t help but tell this story. several times completely different readers told approximately the same story, how they were at the dacha in the summer, by chance, in in the closet or attic, old

collected works of gaidar were found, most often from the year fifty-six. well, apparently the family is kind of arrogant. closet, well, throw it away , well, somehow it’s completely unintelligent and impossible, and these children found it, started reading and couldn’t put it down, then, when i ask these children, what did you like, and the answers were completely different, i just i remember this little girl very well, she read everything volume after volume, and i asked her, what did you like most, she says, i learned from these stories, well... children have a story, a short story, a novel, they are still stories, from these stories there are many new beautiful words, like this, let them not say it, let them read it, so we will now move on to the author’s section, i remind you that in the author’s section i either read and comment on

some poem, or a quote from prose, or show an old book from my library, it is not a museum one. not a state book, but just my book, one of those thousands of volumes, i have 30,000, as i used to count, that are on my shelf, here today is a strange book, but i think that the one that is relevant to our conversation is the first congress of soviet writers, a shorthand report, this is 1934, we know that the first congress took place in the second half of august of thirty-four. and this book is already quite old, it is almost 100 years old, it just records how everything was, this is not a retelling of what happened, it is just a countdown, it is very difficult for us to imagine this now, by the way, we understand perfectly well that we are celebrating 90 years of creating our own recorders, like

since this year is also an anniversary, not only gaidar, an anniversary, and we see that there was a speaker for each genre, it would

attach such importance to literature. at this congress, an official definition of the creative method of soviet literature was adopted. socialist realism is a truthfully and historically specific depiction of reality in its revolutionary development. you can't go either right or left.