you didn’t give us at all the opportunity to kind of hear, to see that you have something to say, what made you, well, remain silent, not start answering first, well, i think, some kind of perhaps fear of manifestation or taking responsibility, and what are you investing into these concepts, here is the fear of manifestation in just one phrase, what is it, well, somehow to start first - to be a leader, it’s more about responsibility, no, well, probably yes, okay, put it aside too, continue, continue, then we will ask you what you came with, what is your request, we are now in in the family, it seems to us, there is a slight imbalance, maybe a big one, in the sense that... in

our family she occupies a leading position, and i am in second place, and for me this is probably a more familiar position, as well as for her, but now we want to change all this, so that i can be the leader in the family and be in charge, you both want this, yes, thank you, and you kind of voiced the request, i want to teach. this, i want to experience this experience, where i follow a man, why, in order to relax, and you never thought that you need to relax first, you thought about it in such a way that it doesn’t give relax, i was thinking, the illusion that if i do this, then i will lose control over the situation does not allow me to relax, why will you definitely lose the illusion, well, in the sense, if you relax. yes, and if i lose

control, then, then everything will collapse, then i just don't understand what to do. this is one option for the development of events , the second option for the development of events is that you will get pleasure from the roller coaster that you sit on, so i can already feel that way on them, yes, but you don’t get pleasure, that is, you ride a roller coaster and you pretend that you are steering this locomotive, it seems to me that i am enjoying it, but i am tired of these roller coasters and... and i want it differently, uh-huh, ol, how can you get tired of having fun? so that, while riding on this swing, rushing forward, i lose a lot of resource, then at a moment when i want to really relax and just let go of control and not be responsible for anything, as if at that moment i don’t exist at all also postponed, yes it is.

bye, tell me your story when you’re in a new place, let me tell you, great, come on, we’ve been together for a year and a half, we met on a dating site, uh, literally a month later we already started living together, and 2 months ago we got married, this is your first marriage, no, this is the second marriage for both of you, do you have children? there is a marriage, yeah, are you planning a child in this marriage? yes, how old are the children? ollie has a 14-year-old daughter, i have a son and daughter, 9 and 7 years old. what kind of family do you currently live in? me, olga and her daughter. okay, okay, what do you do? and i am now doing web design and also conducting body practices. and you olga? i am a psychologist, sexologist. colleagues, great, good

, let’s then understand, uh, what harmonization of, say, your relationships will look like, here are your relationships that are already harmonious, what will they look like in your opinion, in yours, in yours, it’s hard to hold a pause , yeah, it’s very difficult, and what’s happening to you at this moment, the desire to speak out, the desire to get ahead, because if i say this, it seems to me that this is...

shame, that is, that i will be ashamed of damir, that he but i couldn’t formulate it the way i would like, then you, how to my colleague, i’ll tell you straight away, we’re not ashamed of other people, yeah, shame is our feeling, and accordingly, at this moment the only question that shame answers, so to speak, is what’s wrong with me , that’s what’s wrong with you, if the world can’t handle it, what kind of person are you at this moment, uh-huh, i’m a bad wife, i’m a bad woman, that is, i’m not a woman or a wife, what ’s next to me, uh-huh, a man doesn’t cope, well, that is, your quality as a woman, accordingly, right away. makes you perform before him, now let's go back to the first file, why did you start the first one, but because you are trying to avoid this

feeling that something is wrong with you, in the event that your partner can somehow ruin your reputation, yeah, and now i have then the question for you is this: this feeling could not. not myself, where i could naturally manifest myself, that is, there were moments when dad came, looked at me from his brace, and then came out and said what are you doing here, my dad has been in the ministry of internal affairs all my life, yeah, that’s it the feeling that i

they’re always trying to convict me of something, that i ’m breaking something, that i’m breaking the law, that’s how it is, that is, that’s the feeling. there were a lot of such moments, and i’m such a creative person, that is, i could change clothes, i could dance, sing, and what were you like in those moments, when you showed your creativity, alive, creative, real, now i even want to breathe , yes, now, when i talk about this, as if being there, i feel calm, my anxiety disappears, yes, there i was real, there i was not ashamed of myself, freely, yes, until the moment i didn’t come, i’ll tell you here too, maybe it’s a secret. maybe you know, well, i mean, it’s a secret for the audience for sure, you probably know this, that shame only arises in us in the presence of another, uh-huh, yes, and it turns out that if someone does something wrong, otherwise this the person accordingly begins to judge you, but here it turns out that damir in this situation acts as, let’s say, your

creative essence, which can be free, you at this moment become your a dad who controls creativity to the world, yeah. that is, this is such a rather confusing transference and countertransference, but it looks exactly like this, that is, actions before the world should not bring any chaos, it should very well live up to the expectations that are placed on it, unfortunately, it no longer lives up to them, there’s a problem here, okay , so to speak, too, for now, let’s stay with it, tell me how you feel at that moment when...

because, well, again, this probably also comes from childhood, i grew up in a single-parent family, i didn’t have a father, but i grew up only under the tutelage of my mother, and my mother always knew better what you needed, yes, of course, yeah, of course, what, what to eat, what to wear, it’s as if there was some kind of this very expectation of how you should to be, that is, you always have to be somehow, then mom will be happy. gave her expectations naturally, of course, but what happens if you don’t live up to olga’s expectations? well, the marriage relationship will probably deteriorate, and this could lead to, to a divorce, to a separation, you wouldn’t want to judge that, no, i wouldn’t want to,

ok , what does your ideal union look like for you, in which you could live, well, i certainly want to take responsibility for myself, for olga, for our lives, and for olya to simply enjoy herself in her creativity, look, enjoy herself, and ... very good, as if the right words were chosen, i think that the audience is applauding, applauding, well , i wish i could stop applauding, but i would like us to switch to some simpler, what is called everyday language , but how - in your opinion, olya will understand that you are already did, what should you do specifically, which is difficult to answer now, well, conducting in marriage, yes, it’s always about... making some key decisions when your voice is important, the most important, what’s there, well, making

decisions for ours family, well, these decisions are in what plane they lie in the sense that this is what, this is the purchase of an apartment, this is where we will go on vacation, this is what we will eat today, that’s what, behind me we see 10 real drones, it is argued that... we, contemporaries of the red era, suddenly felt ourselves as russians, heirs of a huge,

mysterious, hidden outside our cities, russian history. i collected the huge , multi-colored boulders that lay along the shores of the pskov lakes, which reirich loved to draw so much, i brought them to one place, to the pechersk road, a mountain, hot with gems, formed here from a huge... i cut down a crucifix in a siberian larch, i remember, as this crucifix, erected on an armored personnel carrier, moved across the whole of pskov, aestes, a prophetic bird, descended from the sky onto the crucifix. premiere, alexander prokhanov. confession on monday on the first. you are watching the trigger podcast with you , its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan. today we are talking with our guests olga and damir about whether it is worth fighting for leadership in the family? you said that for you

this is a habitual combination of relationships , what then do you suffer from, if this is habitual for you, that’s your mother, she tells you what to do, tells you what to wear, what to eat , where to lie down, how it will be, do you have problems with this or would you be ready to live like this if it weren’t for olga’s potential, which calls you to realization, which does not get high at this moment. what will you do - relatively speaking,

waking up tomorrow morning and realizing that all the responsibility is on you, but i think, like all the previous days, then either all the responsibility is already on you and you’re great, then it’s not clear, you’re actively hiding it simply, why isn’t olya getting high, or, accordingly , you don’t plan to change anything somehow, you know, that’s why i’m asking, oh, i know when to drive the world crazy. well done, and how, i’ll say, you know, you ol, try, take yourself such a lunch for 3 days in silence, and it seems to me, damir won’t be able to stand it, he’ll go crazy and it will be either good or bad, kashchenko will go badly, well, accordingly, he’ll wake up, wake up and start doing something, can you imagine such a situation, you woke up, but he’s silent, not because i’m offended, well, i just don’t talk anymore, like a mermaid, i have legs, but i don’t have a voice, try it. yes, by the way, it’s not so easy to remain silent for 3 days, especially, yes, i

’m thinking about it now, no, it’s not easy, believe me, just imagine, you woke up, nothing to you, no one says anything, no one tells you nothing, no one makes any comments to you, does not praise, does not scold , nothing, nothing happens, this is what will happen to you, well, there will be some kind of misunderstanding, probably in general, what is happening and what to do , some, what further actions to take to change something, well, of course, there are no instructions? no, there are no instructions, when your mother was upset with you, did she stop talking to you? yes, of course, how many days did your mother punish you with her silence as a child, i think a day or two. two how are you doing you felt abandoned at that moment , well, you were scared, i think no, it’s offensive, yes , that’s what lies behind the offense, why it’s offensive, well , mom was upset, she’s not talking to you, it turned out to me that i didn’t do anything directly such that

you don’t talk to me for a while, uh-huh, yes, maybe there’s a deuce in the diary or something like that, then it’s definitely for you... a good experiment for you for a couple. olya, how do you imagine, if, for example, you wake up and cannot say how your life will turn out? couples on this day, if you don’t talk at all, the mood should be adequate, yes, that is, no one is offended by anyone, i will continue to go about my business, i will continue to fulfill my tasks, live, that’s how it is now i'm watching at home. i don’t understand what he will do , you accordingly don’t have any confidence at this moment, yes, but what is there, there is again some kind of fear of what he might do, i don’t know what he’s going to do will burn, no, that won’t cope, okay, this won’t cope, in what will it say, you will die of hunger in 3 days, because you don’t tell him, go buy bread, that it won’t help, nothing

will happen, that 3 days will pass and then i ’ll come back to all this again. there is some part of your life or an aspect of an area in which you definitely know damir better than you and knows better than you, knows better than you, i know 100% that these are administrative issues, structuring, such a template execution of actions according to the plan, planning in fact, once...

then look how we did it to do, when you have taken responsibility and come on, take it more, and let me give you all this, then that’s it, guys, the word responsibility will have to be deciphered, what do you mean in this word, obligations, that it is a duty, as it were i don’t know, carrying a burden, because domir doesn’t want to take

responsibility for one simple reason, he understands that punishment is associated with responsibility, yeah, he’s used to being punished. uh-huh, because it’s like foreseeing how to do the right thing, what from me expected, impossible, as if he didn’t try , it doesn’t matter, that’s why damir can’t answer the question, what will the relationship look like when everything seems to happen, everything will work out, because any, yes, any fantasy may not please olga, probably , yes, you know, damir, i will say

that the responsibility is always to understand, you must understand this, that relatively speaking, if domir decides to build a tower tomorrow, yeah, then you just have to bring the bricks, and what kind of tower you get, you will decide in the end, maybe she's not for you... like it, then you will go look for someone else who will build another tower, but if you stand and say that he is building the tower incorrectly, then, as you understand, either the tower will not be completed, or it will not even begin to be built, so this is

important here understand, and as long as you are frightened by the loss, well, the option of losing olga, then you won’t just budge, this doesn’t mean that you should send her a three letter, say there like i don’t care about you at all, no?

and i agree, although deep down i may i understand that my option would be better, and you know, here is tatyana, she has a unique habit, when, for example, i say, let's go to a restaurant, suppose yes, i say, come on, she says which one , i say, well, there’s japanese, she speaks great , in italian, relatively speaking, in most cases, well, i don’t care, yes, and well, okay, let’s go italian, yes, she does that all the time, yeah, that’s it , for example, there is another communication, she tells me, let's go somewhere for the weekend, come on, she'll say where you want, uh-huh, i'll say, in perm, uh-huh, she says, why not in tula, i say, just let's go, look, there are two different questions, yes, let's go to a restaurant, come on, uh-huh, yes, she doesn’t ask which one you want, i say, go ahead, she says which one, i say japanese, because i

don’t really care what to say, because in the end she will now say which one she wants, yeah, and if at this moment i don’t care, then it’s easy for me to agree, yeah, and if she asks where you want to go, i say in perm, uh-huh, and then i don’t have to explain, uh-huh, she wants me to explain, but i won’t explain, uh-huh, and these are like two different, well, contexts of choice, right? yes, but, you see, when you argue for leadership in a family, there are several aspects of the struggle for leadership in the sense that there is one thing: no, i will be the leader, and you will not be the leader, no, the two of us will be leaders there, no, you will be a leader, no, i will not be a leader, yes, that is, this is all a form of the same struggle, but you understand, for example, here you are, olga, when you show initiative you begin to answer the question, the first one, in the form in which you answered, this does not mean that you do not have the right to answer. first , and you dominate the dom in this way , this is obvious, yes, this is an expression of dominance , but when you say, take responsibility - this is also dominance, uh-huh

, that's the point, uh-huh, when, even if he takes responsibility, you such a person sits down and says, well done, he took responsibility well, great, in order for another person to take responsibility, you must leave this responsibility, yeah, that is, only when you leave it and he picks it up, then it will be his decision, everything else. it will be imposed by you, yeah, which means that under the weight of this responsibility he most likely will not cope, even if he does everything in the best way, because he doesn’t know how to do it in the best way, none of us know, yes , after all, responsibility lies in general, leadership is not about, you know, how a leader differs from a good manager, these are actually different personalities, because a leader, he doesn’t care where to go, he just goes, he’s like a leader - he’s a person who essentially pioneers, he opens up.

it’s good that you learn to just leave responsibility on the table in the morning and wait for him to take it, as if to do,

create such... a space in which everyone can take a risk, where there is space, where there is nothing, then there will be an opportunity not transfer, yeah, but leave, move away, therefore, and i have a question for you, when the world doesn’t take responsibility, we understand how you don’t let me, just like you say, i leave it on the table and peek at how dad, how dad, of course, took it, didn’t he take it? he took it correctly , he took it from the other side, and he peeks and he just like this: but he didn’t take it there, not from there, well, yes, you understand , yes, that you need to turn off this dad, that’s the point, no matter how it sounds, try your inner girl, who closed herself off, changed clothes, sang and danced, to awaken in the world, to allow that freedom that was not allowed to you, because this is also such envy of freedom, there is this element, everything can go wrong

happen right away. and most likely it won’t work out, but that’s the risk. you are watching the triggers podcast, with you are its host tatyana krasnovskaya, sergey nasebyan, and today our guests are olga and domir, and we are discussing the concept of leadership in the family and how two leaders can generally get along in the same boat. we often travel by motorcycle to different countries there, by motorcycle, well, i... in every sense of the word. tatyana knows for sure that she doesn’t know how to drive a motorcycle, right? absolutely. yes. accordingly, there is no option, no other option, except for me driving a motorcycle, truth? and here a lot depends on the second number, the one sitting in the back, because if the second number is inadequate,

then it’s impossible for the one sitting behind the wheel to pass.

and a car drove out in front of me, and as if tanya saw, but i didn’t see, uh-huh, and there, well , the distance quickly shortened, and well, at some point she correctly gave me a sign that i, well, sort of, because she was also me she very calmly said that i could scare him, that i couldn’t see, she seemed to understand that i couldn’t see, but she couldn’t be sure that i i don’t see, because we are both wearing a helmet, but she doesn’t see where i’m looking, and at that time i was looking at the navigator to... figure out the turn there, and here is a very important point, how carefully she did it, because if i did this more intensively, i would start to slow down, well, an accident would possibly happen even without the participation of that car, and it’s kind of important that you understand this as a certain structure of your own personality, because your anxiety is not going anywhere it will never go away, you will never be able to get high in the full sense of it words from the fact that damir took

responsibility until you learn to get high. from your own anxiety, yeah , because when you sit down to ride a roller coaster, for example, i’m not afraid to ride a roller coaster, i don’t have any pleasure there, yeah, but there are people who are afraid, but they go there to be afraid, yeah, and this can be done in short intervals, because you may not be able to stand it for a year, but there are some things that you can agree on, for example, damir, for a month on you responsible for the cultural program, i am sure that he will open some supplements, newspapers, i don’t know where they are watching this now, and he will start thinking about what you should do every other day... so that it would be a certain selection of successful plays , some successful concerts, yes, but he doesn’t know yet what will be successful, but giving him the opportunity to do it, that’s what’s important, i thank you very much for this metaphor, i don’t know, but this story with driving, because that thanks

to your...room now and i see him, i even see him visually differently, he another, when i go to this i relax, when we travel together , that is, it’s just that we can go as many kilometers as we want, anywhere, here i actually close my eyes like this and really trust, it opens up new pictures for me, new horizons us, that is, this is where the same story begins, and i’m now a... “i want to take this home, yes, and you can come back to this all the time, because this is the uniqueness of your couple, and your responsibility is to seeing damir like this, constantly checking, adjusting your look, yourself, of course, it’s natural

to check yourself, of course, your look , whether you’re bringing your shame there, whether you’re bringing something there that is not him, it’s your responsibility to see him the way you married.” . uh-huh, i understand, but here there is a responsibility for everyone, you each understood about yourself, but how do you take responsibility, how do you take it, don’t you take it, what do you leave with, with a motorcycle, with a motorcycle, yes, with a motorcycle, it’s beautiful, let's try, we won't try, we'll practice 3 days of silence, good luck with that. ulya, and you i i’m leaving with ease, i’m leaving with excitement, with the feeling that how great it is that we are together, how great it is that we are going into all this, how

great it is that we are here today, and we are who we are, and i love my husband , great, i’m my wife, this is a very romantic ending, yes, we are happy for you, what’s here... to say, thank you, thank you for not stopping in this research, because for me there is an absolutely clear understanding of why at all in principle, people go into relationships, yes, because i am always at all the venues where i ever perform i say that healthy people don’t go into relationships, healthy people don’t need relationships, we all usually build relationships because of our own neurosis, the key neurosis is, of course, fear and...

we can definitely see our own reflection in the eyes of another person, this is a study, i wish you many years of this research and don’t think that it will ever end, as soon as you realize that you have known a person, you have lost a person, thank you, thank you, i am told that you even changed your position, great, that means everything worked out because before that i watched your pose, thank you, you can find all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. you are watching the precious stories podcast

, we welcome you all, we are the hosts of the podcast sergei mikhailovich nekrasov, director of the all-russian pushkin museum, ekaterina varkan, author of the most interesting books that i read with pleasure,

in russia it was not customary for women to leave their men, and many are quite cases when in siberia, even before this famous women’s campaign on the twenty-sixth, twenty seventh and subsequent years to siberia. there were quite a few cases, quite interesting, for example, in the 18th century, the first beauty and the first rich woman, say, of russia, shermet , with her ... husband ivan dolgoruky, also went to bereza in 1730, where they did not find his serene highness prince menshchikov with the help of the long-armed hidden there, but she married him when he was already in great apalia and then wrote in her memoirs that yes, i showed that in all life situations, in love in difficult trials, i was a friend to his man, there were other, quite well-known stories to sergei mikhailovich.

hopeless stay there, then it wasn’t his wife who went after him, his wife had already , unfortunately, died by this time, but his wife’s sister went, he was sent to siberia to be his brother-in-law for ten years, and this was not at all welcomed, children appeared in siberia, and despite that , that on the way back upon returning, when paul. the first one had already canceled this sentence, radichey’s cruel sentence on the way back, they returned to the radishchevskoye estate, then radishchev’s father even refused to recognize children born in siberia, not from a wife, but from this sister-in-law, who also accomplished a feat, and it was doubly difficult, because there was such a direct family relationship. it was the wife who was not a matchmaker here, this also happened in russian

history, in general, women of the twenty -sixth year were already walking on the beaten track, so to speak, yes, and there were many examples before their eyes when women supported their men and went into exile, so to speak. and lived, gave birth to children, supported, but these nobles who turned out to be strong, they too they were not idle people, quite so to speak, well, besides, they were enlightened, of course, but it turns out they still owned more. the number of all kinds of crafts, who could have imagined all this, here is one of the most, so to speak , famous people, nikolai aleksandrovich bestuzhev, who back in st. petersburg invented the bestuzhev boat, a rescue boat, he used the bestuzhev economical stove so that he is a handsome man with sidebars , yes, in order to use less, so to speak , all sorts of firewood and coal, then

i made some kind of clock that went there for centuries, was engaged in astronomy, astrology, seismology, built an observatory, so they were in exile and then in a settlement with their brother mikhail, the third brother alexander was in yakutsk, it was they who came up with the idea, to forge rings from shackles, this idea... mikhail recalls that when the shackles were removed by order of the emperor, they made some small gifts to the guards, the soldiers, and they gave these shackles, these two brothers, mostly nikolai, did not forge them, here is mikhail, here we see him, forged rings, and of course, the first they forged rings for themselves, but we don’t have these rings, they are lost, but we can see the ring, because it means... there was a story that the decembrists lived in siberia and

quite often got along with local women and also had children, bestuzhev there was also, so to speak, such an illegitimate child, who after his death was brought up in the family of the merchant startseva, so he had the surname startsev, which means the child’s name was alexey dmitrievich startsev, and he was a russian merchant of the first guild, then he became an industrialist, a commercial adviser, and an owner.

my priceless friend, and i was blessed by fate, when my yard, secluded, covered with sad snow, your bell rang out, pushkin recalls here the story that ivan ivanovich pushkin wrote in detail in his memoirs, when in the winter of the twenty- fifth year, in at the beginning of the twenty-fifth year , he visited pushkin in the village of mikhailovskoye, they spent two wonderful days, he brought two bottles of french champagne, which was three bottles of french champagne, and clicco,

which they drank, first two, and then another one, this last one, as he writes , we drank sadly, because it was as if we felt that we were drinking for eternal separation, then the absolutely amazing phrase of ivan ivanovich pushchin: pushkin was the first who met me in siberia, and it was really so, because that on the very day when he arrived in siberia, alexandra grigorievna muravyova, born grafenya chernyshova, fourth cousin of alexander sergeevich pushkin, just brought him a poem: “my first friend, my priceless friend,” and it was really priceless gift.

they say that he even carried poison with him constantly in his youth, i believe that if some kind of failure occurs somewhere, and he cannot take the position for which he expected, then he will simply die, this was the highest measure his ambition, and an absolutely fantastic story happened, prince alexander mikhailovich gorchakov, who behaved very strictly, doing all the necessary things to do here...

here repressions, punishments, but pushchin, as you know, answered him that he had others the idea that he cannot leave his comrades, he must share their fate, these friends, to honor, to honor, yes, and this is an honor, but by the way, honor, honor is more valuable than life, that’s what they had the idea that they followed was, strictly speaking, the general principle of the russian nobility.