ukraine, which means the central committee of ukraine and the central committee of the party of ukraine, accepted our programs, well , what was left there, you can imagine, but the most interesting thing is that all the programs at the first stage were read by vitya ilchenko, because if misha had read them, they would never have been missed at all . vitya ilchenko took his text and read it as, you know, how to count, anti, anti, anti-zhvanets, as it was possible.

together with those who knew him better than others, with his friends, you considered yourself his friend, you know, now there is no more interference, so everyone can prescribe for themselves, yes, but no, now oleg, he asked, he asked a question , let me answer, i have an answer , why the hell did i come then, i’ll tell you, we were friends, yeah, that’s possible, that is , it doesn’t mean that we met there every second , but... but we had trust, our connection was very old, and you considered yourself, you were friends with him, or he was friends with you, and you know, i ’ll tell you, here you are, you’re married, now married, no, you see, fortunately, yes, i want to tell you, uh, how much, what, single or married, i’ll tell you, you can love with one sides, yes, yes?

probably, probably, after all, we had friendly relations, we were probably friends, besides, we talked with him, oleg is a witness, i told him everything honestly, what i like, what i don’t like, i told him honestly every time, that he has no equal, honestly , he was a very secretly self-confident person,

he had to enter into conflict, because from him this was hidden, hidden from everyone, this cheslavia that was present in him, and like speaking or self-confidence, no cheslavie too, but what about boba zhutovsky, he loves to say this phrase, boris zhutovsky, such an artist, he says that czeslavie was so great that it was as if he had never existed, in fact, you know, misha began to read. misha is not an actor,

misha portrayed zhovanetsky’s entire life, one hero. sometimes he had. such tricks that were accepted by many, he paused so that if they didn’t laugh right away, he paused, causing it to be understood, because, to be understood, or so, or so, even if it didn’t go very well and didn’t very funny it didn’t matter that he insisted, yes , he insisted that they then, then many didn’t hear the applause, didn’t beg for it, insisted, but...

that in life he was a business person, or completely unadapted to life, or he was adapted, as oleg said in general , that he was even a kamsorg at the institute, i think that, uh, depending on what you put in the word business, but well, not that, he earned money by his labor, by what he wrote and read, he became popular very quickly, he told me how they we arrived in naberezhnye chelny and walked along the street, right there these... houses, uh-huh, and it was fashionable then to put open tape recorders directly on from one tape recorder vysotsky, from another zhivanetsk, so they walked like that, and they forbade him, that’s how it was like these, and what they forbade him,

he nothing was prohibited, because he didn’t ask anyone what they were saying, when there were programs, in order to work it was necessary, i know that there was a funny story, once he, well, he read. on the main platforms in the columned hall of the house of unions he read, read his works, he had one about the minister of meat and dairy industry, and the minister of the meat and dairy industry was in the hall at that time, and he was offended and misha was very upset, i say, misha, either don’t read it, or don’t be offended, and what ’s funny is that the minister of meat, the minister of meat and dairy industry is very it looks good, and what’s interesting is that the meat... is there, we see it, we smell it. and what’s most interesting is that the products are produced five times more than in the forties, and what is very important, a truly expanded range in general in very convenient packaging. all this really exists,

no matter what they say, just to see it, you need to get inside them, they inside, apparently, produce all this, and apparently, they consume it all there, thanks to the leadership. for their care and assortment , that is, their production volume is increasing, which means consumption is increasing, and so all of us, standing right behind the fence, can only congratulate them, led by the minister, wish them further success, their families and ask if they need artty are literally three people, they have music inside them today, because speeches are heard, flags are visible, there is their day , and we, of course, with the last of our strength can surround ourselves with a fence, and celebrate our day, bon appetit, but let 's unite our holidays, and you won't look so lonely, making your way home from work and clutching to my chest a handbag with samples of increased products and an expanded assortment, i will write a lot in works about

conscience, i told a lie and blushed, and the main testing ground for misha’s humor was

himself, with all the advantages and disadvantages, that’s why there’s nothing to invent he had some kind of wings, he was an absolutely normal, living person, but he had this gift and talent in himself to find it, recognize it and talk funny, funny to talk about it. more

than one person will not listen to my opinion, and this one is already beginning to have its own, i will probably not lead a large symphony orchestra and i will not stage a film and will not receive anything in cannes, i will not receive anything in a tuxedo, in spotlights, in cannes, i won’t have enough time, i won’t have time, i won’t be a georgian, i’ll never be a woman, what they feel that when i appear, everyone won’t get up, i can serve myself chocolate in bed, but i’ll have to get up, get dressed, cook, and then undress, lie down and drink, not everyone will agree to this, i won’t take 7 m in length, i just won’t take it , well, i just won’t run away, well, even if i run away, it’s nothing. does not mean business, worries, in that mansion on the embankment, i

will never appear again, i can still appear next to him, opposite him, but there is also something else in it, also, even a simple cruiser under my command will not enter neutral waters , it won’t come out of ours, and my remarks won’t make the circus crash, and the hall won’t shed a tear, and won’t neigh... the horse is under me, just in front of me, and something won’t bloom, and won’t smell something, and won’t say, girl, i love you, and your mother won’t ask what you ate today, my boy, but on the other hand, i’ll tell my son now, boy, i went through everything, i didn’t become this and i didn’t become that, and i will pass on my experience to you , well, my dear, i need to end with how...

hello, dear tv viewers, you are watching the triggers podcast, we are with you...

or until i was seventeen years old, and i was afraid to such an extent that i could walk down the street, a man was walking towards me, i could turn around, go the other way, at the age of 17 - that’s how i became. work in a shoe store, and it focused more on men, and how specially, yes, how specially, so i accordingly found contact with men like this at work, and it became a little easier, and then - i seemed to live all my life with conviction that men don’t communicate with me, aren’t friends, or rather, and of course don’t love me anymore, at 22 years old

at work i made friends with a colleague , with my man, when at some point he introduced me, he said: what, this is my friend, at that moment i had a childish glee inside, such a god, he’s friends with me, really, but with the fact that they can love me and i can fight with men like women, everything is very difficult with this, and i still cannot pass this barrier, but how old are you now? 25, and could you tell us about your family? my dad left the family, i was 5 years old, yeah, and he left for another woman, soon i... my brother was born, at first i barely remember how we met, i remember that we met, but very rarely, it was with his family, meetings, that is, they were always with his family, with his younger brother, with his wife, that is, one on one with dad , you didn’t meet, didn’t spend time , i had a difficult contact with his wife, i always say that this is such a classic little girl and machha, and she forced you to sort out buckwheat and rice , well, practically, that

is, there was always something wrong with me, i i don’t breathe like that, i don’t talk like that, i don’t eat like that. i need to constantly lose weight, i was constantly told this at the holiday tables , where all the relatives gathered, they told me where else you put it, i need to lose weight there and so on, and when i was 8 years old, my mother had to leave for 2 weeks, she left me with my dad with his family, my father’s wife didn’t like the fact that i had long, kind of unkempt hair, she decided to cut my hair, and she cut my hair into a short bob at home with scissors, and i tolerated all this and... in general it was, well, that is at i had the feeling that do whatever you want with me, just let’s communicate with dad, but there was also little contact with dad, that is , these were meetings there in childhood, it was - i started crying to my mother or my grandmother, his mother, somehow an incredible miracle , the next day my dad called me and picked me up there for some day, spent time with me,

well, it was always not in private, then later i wrote a message to my dad there at the age of 12, saying that you don’t want to go with me there. communicate with me, you don’t love me, just tell me so, as it were, well, i have this uncertainty , because my mother, as soon as my dad left, she told me until i was 16 years old, she told me one thing, that your dad loves you very much, your dad is wonderful, well, just like that you, like, understand, but he has a lot of work, so it’s like this is happening, so for me there was dissonance in my head, like, why don’t they communicate with me then, at the age of 18 we had a fight. so we stopped communicating, we still communicate like this, purely to congratulate each other via text message. when you were a child, your dad was involved in your life. somehow, well, for example, there, if you need clothes there, i don’t know, did you ask dad to buy them or how it was, and i know that he paid for mom’s items, then , little by little, i started asking for some pocket money , yes, then

i asked him there for some money for some gifts for the new year, but he really helped me, plus due to the fact that he had shoe stores. and jeans, i kind of took his shoes, jeans , just like, and you guys were working, it turns out, you had a fight about work, apparently yes, for so many months he was supposed to give me my salary, he didn’t give it to me, well , like he’s done with me, well, you understand, now there’s no money, so at some point i just dared to tell my dad about it, that i don’t go on vacation twice a year, i just knew that he went on vacation, bought a dog, a cat, well, that is, as if there was money for this, there was nothing to pay me a salary and i said. your whole wife, her whole family, that i don’t want to endure anymore, it’s as if i no longer have the strength to accept, to understand all this, and we

it’s as if they stopped communicating with him, you gave the money with the help of your brother and his mother, yeah, okay, tell me? so you say that you were afraid of men, your dad left, you were five, your brother was born, you were six, that is, two men appeared in your life, but at that moment you were already afraid of men, you say, yes, i still have i had an older brother, my mother had an older brother from her first marriage, how much older he was, 6 years, and i had a difficult relationship with him, he called me names, well, of course, yes, periodically when i drove him to he could have some kind of condition there, i don’t know me, he even once tried to suffocate me with a pillow there. something like that, but my brother passed away, i was 10 years old, my eldest brother died, that was the end of my childhood, and this is a disease that is revealed only after death, so he... went in for sports, he had it turned out that he had too much adrenaline, his blood didn’t process it, so he died suddenly, and i think that after that my childhood ended,

why? well, my mother at that time turned out to be was pregnant, she decided to keep the child , and i unconsciously decided, when my brother died, to take full responsibility for myself, well , somehow become an older sister, in general the eldest person in the family, a person in the family even at the age of 10, yeah. so i already started somehow , well, helping my mother more than that, and then naturally my sister was born after 9 months, and since my mother was alone, we need to be raised, she went to work a week after the birth, everyone cared whether my sister was concerned about me and how i was i always say that i was raised by my sister, i was the only one who slept at night and i didn’t feed my mother, i was a mother, and this had a strong impact on my sister and on me because before... i was seventeen years old, well, more precisely, by the age of seventeen, i came to the moment that this was my first such request for help from a psychologist, because i came to the conclusion that i

didn’t understand what to live for, i never had social thoughts, that is , i didn’t want to, but i just didn’t understand why, and i just realized in a conversation with a psychologist there that i took on too much responsibility for myself, my sister was completely on top of me, that is i don’t know about the clubs there, the teachers in the kindergarten are in chat rooms there, i don’t know , i was the mother who did everything. i was the breadwinner who brought in money, i was fed, watered and did everything for the family, then little by little i began to understand that this was wrong, we had a difficult separation with my sister, she took it very hard, tell me, now you live separately from them , yes, i moved in september, uh-huh, you’re 25, you came with the fact that you’re afraid of men, uh-huh, uh-huh, now we’re here to help you in a wonderful way and what’s going to happen, i i’ll learn to love and be loved, now at 25 it also seems to you that men... don’t notice you, don’t love you, yes, yes, absolutely, yeah, despite the fact that i had a period when i was in psychotherapy, i there was a period when i started having affairs, and i had such

straight-up real affairs, these are not relationships, these are affairs, and at some point i really felt beautiful, cool, but still my inner self-esteem was, well, great , we now know that men want me, well, that’s where it all ends, for me in general, it’s difficult with close relationships, that is, i have no friends. i mean, i don’t have any friends, but in the end, with the help of a psychologist or yourself, you answered the question: why live? yes, for joy, for pleasure, how do you get happy? not at all now, what is your life filled with? while i was in psychotherapy, i started doing a lot for myself, i started dancing, which i dreamed of for a very long time, i started performing and singing, this is also for me, i started to advance at work, and then at some point i i realized that i need to do the next stage, i need to to move out and m... i had to quit, because at my job i realized that there was nowhere for me to grow, but what were you doing? i was, i worked at a dance school, so i just came there as an administrator, rose to

deputy director, that is, i kind of grew this school quite a lot, at some point i realized that such internal competition had already begun with the head , and i left work, i decided that i was leaving, i couldn’t work there anymore, i left, for the first 4 months i didn’t think about work at all i could, i have jitters. and then i realized that i had to look for a job, this process has always been very long for me, i looked for the last job for almost a year, even a year and a half, now i ’ve been looking for six months, and i can’t find a job, despite the fact that i live in moscow , what do you mean you can’t, is she hiding from you , where they take me, i don’t want to, where i want, they don’t take me, i’ll still return to my question, what gives you pleasure today, nothing, well, that is, you there, i don’t know, like walks in the fresh air, don’t you like delicious food, don’t like socializing with friends, singing, well, that is

, nothing gives you pleasure at all, no, because i have some kind of fad that if i don’t work, that is, i’m not fulfilled, i’m kind of so, i have no right to this life, and even now i’m trying to restrain myself, but i still understand that i’m unconsciously... limiting my circle of friends, because well , the question is what are you doing, then i have this, i nothing, that means i’m worthless, that means i’m somehow different, you can’t be with me communicate, and so on , and, accordingly, you can’t build relationships either, of course, of course, cool, let’s talk about the fear of men, so you say that since childhood you were afraid of men, the very first fear that you experienced due to the fact that that a man was nearby, it happened, i was probably about eight years old, i... went to my aunt, her husband was a drinker, but she guaranteed me that he was not at home, so come to me, waste and i loved with him to spend time with her daughter, and i just stayed at her place

at... at some point, and we didn’t notice the time , the husband returned, the husband came back drunk, closes the door, sits on the floor, says: i won’t let you out anywhere, and well, she starts hysterical, that at least let vika out, no , i won’t let you out anywhere, i don’t remember what he specifically told me, but i remember that this picture, then he eventually persuaded her, and we all went out together, but she says, i’ll go i walked vika home, and i remember how i was standing in a small elevator with a stroller, with my aunt, and he was like: there was a very tall man and he approached me like that leans over and says: it’s all because of you, that because of me i don’t know, but that was it, after which i finally began to be very afraid of men, this wild feeling, crowds of lonely people, of course, mikhail mikhalchenie, absolutely, he i saw what we see, but in a completely different way, so i could express it like this, go to moscow without work, without housing, that’s where, for example, zhvanetsky lived, he would rent.

near the airport, he rented a one-room apartment, on the occasion of the ninetieth anniversary of the birth of mikhail zhvanetsky, tomorrow on the first, wait, big ones in fives, small ones in threes , this is normal in general, no, but these are small, but today they are very small, but in threes, what is it, to love every second, day after day, i’m not all, i don’t want to. settle down like everyone else, when the men leave, the woman remains to wait, when the men fight, the woman can only hope, you are my victory, the only one, when men betray, they do not deserve vylarich in the active army, a woman can only forgive, when men love, a woman remains a woman.

bless the women on march 10th on the first. u you have one right, to be loved. dear viewers, you are watching the triggers podcast, with you its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan. we talk with victoria about the fears that arise in her contacts with men. what exactly can men do? well, if no one is around , if no one saves you, imagine now that you are in a confined space, well, in some room, there is a man with you, it so happens, the first thing that came to mind is moral rape, that is is not will be actions, they won’t beat me , i don’t know, they won’t touch me, but they will simply destroy me with words, yeah, but with what words, threaten me, i don’t know, i

can do whatever i want with you, that’s power above me, uh-huh, here he is, how to say, he scares you with his presence, what are you doing, how do you live this fear, how do you behave, you stop breathing , you close yourself off, you pretend to be dead, what happens to you there, i’m trying very hard breathe quickly, slowly, oh, more precisely quickly, breathe very briefly, that is, yes, like that very superficial. i huddle in a corner , well, that is, i sort of sit on the floor, i snuggle, i try to imagine as much as possible in my head that i ’m not here, and nothing is happening, to take up as little space as possible, yes, yes, have you ever been in childhood, perhaps do you have any such memories of witnessing a casual sexual relationship between your parents or your mother with her man of some kind, well, you understand that they had a sexual relationship, but of course,

how could it look in your opinion? not in the most sex sense, that's where you are, where are they at this moment? m, that i’m in the next room, i was with my brother in the room, and my parents were with the driver, yeah, they ’re doing something there, yes, but i never heard anything, didn’t see anything, thank god, and if they’re doing something there - then they do, what is happening to you at this moment, we are now fantasizing, well, such curiosity, what is happening there, that is, such control. is everything okay, is everything fine, control, yes, in my family never, well, that is, my mother was there before, when my dad and i started living together, i don’t remember ever raising their voice, that is, well, accordingly i’ve never been beaten, i’ve never touched a butt, plus i’ve never seen a fight between my parents, but you can feel it right away if something is wrong. now i’ve learned to feel people clearly, of course.

it helps a lot, but in my life it’s a big hindrance, it’s a big hindrance in life, i started to feel people strongly, i understand how to communicate with whom, that is, i understand with whom you can joke, with whom you can’t, in what mood they ’re most likely in. i'm going to start behaving right now in such a way that you'll think i'm some kind of bullshit i think about you, yes, but it won’t mean that i think, that’s the point , i agree, which means you read it before it happens, it means you’re making it up, and this is quite normal in a family in which it ’s emotional blocked, well, relationships, when you have to understand that you can’t do anything so as not to spoil this strange status quo, yes, that’s why i have a big problem with manifestation, are you afraid , huh? be inappropriate, uh, yeah, in any of your emotional reactions, be it laughter, be it a request, in general, what is the danger of being loud, bright, or even arrogant to some extent? - this is that, for example, i will laugh loudly,

everyone will look at me, everyone will laugh at me, and - since i was bullied a lot at school, well , i know what it is like when you are bullied. they joke and do some actions, why are they doing this to you? i don’t know, it was probably, but this was one of the biggest questions when i grew up, for what? for what? because i was quieter than water, lower than the grass, always, yeah, but i was always in sight of so that with me, but i don’t know, just name-calling, and i even had a case, once, we were in a children’s camp with a school. there were two girls with us, high school students , 3 years older than me, we lived in the same, well , kind of room, and once again returning from a walk there, i come and see that my bed is all smeared - with feces, when well

as if i were standing there, saying why i, well, of course, the teachers tried, firstly, they immediately kicked the girls out of the camp, their parents took them there, but this is the state, why... after that i finally got the feeling that something was wrong with me and that’s how you answered this question, what’s wrong with you, that i was invisible, no, look, here in front of me now a twenty-five-year-old beautiful , bright, very uh, attractive woman in every sense of the word is sitting , thank you, this is not a compliment, this is not a compliment, you know, in this sense you are very well suited to you... the words of ilf and petrov, when they described madame gritsatsueva , all so airy , calling for a kiss, because you dressed up for a kiss i think about this, of course, you understand, that is, now people are watching you and me, they really won’t be perplexed, and i am perplexed,

because everything that you are wearing now, how you look, how you speak, your facial expressions, your gestures, and there were a couple of moments when you could understand from your hands that you were really overdoing yourself when you said something, but in general you are absolutely organic, perhaps this is a kind of mask that you are used to, but even if you are used to this mask, it is very organic for you, that’s why i’m saying, you answered, or you are a person who answered the question for yourself, why they bullied me at school, they bullied me, there, well, i understand, i understood, there, i was, i don’t know, an upstart , suppose, yes, and so they hurt me, i realized, now i, accordingly, am an upstart, conscious, adult, and no one can hurt me. i don’t understand yet, who are you? here is the one who answered this question or the one who never answered this question. i have a guess, it’s hard for me to be there i had contact with people there as a child, because i never reacted to their actions

in my direction, that is, i didn’t, i didn’t give a back reaction, that is, they hurt me, i didn’t have there, i don’t know what i burst into tears in front of them, that is, i was just a flint, i got rid of it at home, well, in general, that is , i was like this, so that i am here. permanent violence in your family, and i will assume right now that your father raped your mother, emotionally, as you put it, and that this was the state in which she could not move, in which

she was absolutely frozen in the relationship, now i have the feeling that i understand that i am talking to a person with quite serious post-traumatic syndrome, and this post-traumatic syndrome arose in... as a result of the fact that it was as if you were forced to keep your eyes wide open watching with my eyes for a long time how one person mocks another, it’s quite possible, i directly imagine the picture that i’m... small, and he comes close to me, but i don’t understand whether it’s a man or a woman, they put their hand close, leaning against the wall, that is - as if to say that he is blocking me, and something speaks to me very much, quietly, but very menacingly, and i just understand that i am some kind of memory, well, sort of from childhood, i can’t understand whether this is a memory or this my fantasy, that is, this is what came to me and that i just slide down the wall and just say: please, don’t, well... so obviously i don’t remember this, i wouldn’t be surprised if my memory simply blocks it, but

it’s clearly not, because of course, according to the stories of my mother, that this is her best marriage and that she loved my dad madly, they had a wonderful family, but i understand perfectly well that i wouldn’t have so many problems now if everything were so wonderful, if it were all wonderful, but moms obviously embellish such a protective mechanism, but the reality, yes, yes , it can’t, she really loved, that’s not possible. but my mother has been telling victoria all her life about what a wonderful , loving dad she has, how attentive he is, it’s clear that mom tried, and it just confuses me in the sense that she clearly tells you she lied, well, in the sense of lying from the point of view of your reality, yes, you saw that dad is not like that , she says, no, he is like that, yes, well, she finished this matter only when i was already there at the age of 16 and said, i say, mom , that’s enough , despite the fact that mom tried to talk to dad, they have no contact at all, that is, they are there, well, there he doesn’t say hello to her if he passes by, but, what confirms my theory, and what is the legend for your family your

birth? my mother at that time, well, as i understand it, lived with my dad for a year, she left my first husband to my dad, and to my dad, and my mother became pregnant with me, my mother said that she told my father, he said that make a decision, this is what you will make, like it will be so, i, like, don’t care, and my mother couldn’t make a decision, she... was friends with a neighbor, she went to the neighbor, well, somehow it seems like sharing this burden of responsibility, and the neighbor suggested she throw a coin, yeah, but she kind of threw a coin, she told my mom : that’s the first thing you thought, that’s what, what result did you want to get from coins, but my mother said that, like, i want to give birth, she says, well, that means you have to give birth, in ninety-eight, so my mother said that, like, that’s it, i decided to make the decision to give birth, i told my dad about it, my dad he said like, yes, everything is fine, so we’ll give birth. so, when and at what age did you hear this legend? well, i’m still well

, that is, well, i mean, of course, i’m not five, but it’s either 10, did mom tell you, or did mom tell it herself, grandma, dad’s mom, what is her attitude towards their marriage, what are you like for her? i i was the first granddaughter, there was a lot of communication with my grandmother, it seems to me that she was trying to replace my dad a little, but i saw how my grandmother seemed to be uncomfortable because she communicated with her ex as... her daughter-in-law, yes, that’s why that there was one precedent , that there in the first year, there i was about six years old, it was the first summer, when my dad had already left there, and my grandmother took me to the dacha for 2 months, and my mother wanted to come see me, but dad’s wife found out about this, told dad, dad called my grandmother, she said that she didn’t set foot in our house anymore, like if you want, yes, you want to meet, meet behind the fence with the child, that’s why later, accordingly, my mother stopped coming, well, that’s understandable. 10 commandments for women's health, a holiday for all mothers,

a holiday for all women, a special women's issue in the live program, great, tomorrow on the first, the brightest and most extraordinary event of the season, a battle of generations, great champions... and current athletes on equal terms, on one ice, a unique competition as recognition in love for your country. russian challenge, tournament of the strongest skaters. live broadcast on march 9, on the first. he will bring a flash drive, an electronic key and money can be sent remotely. understood.

transfer her across the maidan. premiere from march 11 on the first. baren decided to do his legs. grandmas are brought out. let's drive the pig. dear viewers, you are watching the podcast triggers with you , its host tatyana krasnovskaya, sergey nasedyan, charming victoria is our guest, are you dancing now? temporarily not yet, why? because not i work financially, but does this mean

that you don’t dance? dancing is generally free, i’ll tell you a secret, i’m not at home , i dance, dance, dance, i’m used to it. since childhood, this was my salvation, yeah, now my sister found the same salvation in this, it’s that i usually locked myself in the room, yeah, turned on the music, first danced, then started singing, and well, it’s like there were always concerts at home , but behind the door, that is, for me it was my imaginary world, in which i closed the door, turned on the music, and i not in reality, who knows that you are dancing at the moment when you are dancing, no one, i am alone at home, how could you tell people that you are dancing now? networks, okay, and you do it, no , you will do it, if necessary, i will do it, this is definitely necessary, this is definitely necessary, because it’s really a very good way, now available to us , these same social networks, and for you to dance, what called live, scary, scary to show your weakness, what is

your weakness, you dance badly, well, because either this will be an option that if not showing weakness is...

and what needs to be revealed in order for us to be able to communicate in principle now, what you need to open up to me, stop controlling yourself very tightly, well, i don’t know, pronounce a phrase that i will tell you 100 times in my head , before i tell it to you, and

what will happen if you are not ready to tell me something, i can have something like that, i can say something wrong, pronounce a word, yes, that’s it you look stupid, what will i do, laugh at me, then what, well, you feel bad right now, yes , so let it go bad, i can’t, you can , what are you feeling now, what’s happening to your body, it’s turning to stone, my arms and legs are getting cold, and the emphasis is already wrong, they’re getting cold correctly . he’ll immediately wake up that there’s something wrong with me, i need something, i need, but i don’t know, to go there and improve my russian, uh-huh, well, you didn’t have time to do that, i’m already looking at you and i’m talking to you about why you’re avoiding contact, it’s hard,

i understand.