scientists, thank you, yegor borievich, and i would make a film about myself, i would, well, that is, i would kind of make a wonderful, wonderful movie out of this, which means, since i don’t know much about other scientists, i don’t know much, yes, that is, it would be difficult for me to show these gears that affect their destiny, their lives, their decisions, but i have a lot of interesting stories, this is an honest answer, maybe. hello, dear tv viewers, you are watching the triggers podcast, we are with you, its leading psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan and today in leonid is our guest. hello, tell us what you came to us with? hello, i came to you with a request, a problem, i have. son, he is 7 years old, so

the son doesn’t know that i live with another family, that i have two children, twins, he doesn’t know about your other family at all, he doesn’t know at all, yes, why, because i i’m afraid, well, to cause him psychological trauma, because i don’t live with him now, i love the child very much, so i’m trying to give him as much as possible everything that is possible on my part, the younger ones don’t understand anything yet, 2 s over the years, they are still growing, but in the future i understand. since all three of them will suffer maximum trauma, well, yes, it would probably be more accurate, because they must communicate, then you will do something like it’s customary in our family, so that relatives are sure to communicate, we all always spend a lot of time together there , so i don’t know what to do... should i introduce him

now or some time, when he has matured, because maybe, well, some kind of trauma may occur, and psychologically, it can affect the further development of the child, so questions, problems with this, i came to your show, where did you even get the idea that this could cause injury, where did you even get the idea that injuries exist, where did you get the idea that this injury could affect its development , we always? an adult, when he grows up, is influenced by some childhood moments, yes, when injuries, some, some cases, they later form his character, form his personality, well, i even know from myself that certain moments happened, yes, they could have had a very strong influence on me, yes then later, on my relatives, loved ones, that’s who i talked to, i watched, there was such a moment that really happened, then when... he became

an adult, because of these moments he behaved completely differently, yeah, what kind of trauma do you have, for example, trauma as such, probably, but how did you manage to survive without trauma? well, there are probably all kinds of traumas, but those that influenced me specifically in childhood, then tell me, what kind of trauma did you see in another person? i have a relative, if you want.

you said that there were some situations that affected you, okay, you don’t see the injury, but some situations, you can identify situations, but if it’s like that right away, i probably can’t, because. here's a story: the police were driving after you , you stopped, the guy got scared, it somehow influenced him, he became withdrawn there because of this, i don't know, fearful, cowardly, well , it doesn't matter, cautious, cautious, okay, eh what kind of trauma in the same context as you just described the reasons for the investigation connection, what kind of injury are you afraid of causing to your eldest son? but in fact, having introduced him to

his brothers, well, i left him, abandoned him, i’m now with other children, i spend time with him, because he loves me very much, that’s how... i’m just crazy about him, yeah, but then there is this trauma, that he will think that you abandoned him because of these children, yes, i think that maybe, great, super, and now tell me how you spend time with him now, i’m trying to take him away and from school, to take him to training, he goes to the pool, yeah, that is , practically every day, not every day, we live very far away, because my ex-wife lives in a communal apartment, i live closer to the center. yeah , the time there takes about an hour, yes , for me, if you take me half a day, but two or three times a week i’m good, yes, but at the same time, they took him, took him, stayed with him, brought him back home, they left, yes, and he ’s like, well, let’s just say, mm, that’s how it gets by, but

you don’t take him to your home, you don’t introduce him to the children, you don’t introduce him to your current spouse. if we assume that you told me everything went well, how will his life change in the context of communicating with you, will he spend more time with you or less, he may most likely not change in time, but he may have a resentment, here he is he will start to be offended by me, because he is a very sensitive child, he takes everything very close to his heart, so i think it can have this effect when he knows. about the fact that he has brothers, when will he know that dad has another family, ah, you don’t you will take him there on weekends , conditionally, you will not spend time together, the five of you, i really want to spend time, i want them to communicate, i want to spend as much time as possible with him, then it turns out that

the amount of your communication will still increase, communication will definitely increase, then what is the problem , then there will be a plus rather than a minus, well , the problems are still in the ex-wife, then let’s you... and say, yes, she is categorically against it, so that the eldest son communicates with the younger ones with the new one wife, well then the problem is that, not the child, and also yes, probably, what a legend for your eldest son, and how do you explain to him why you are leaving and not living with him, i explain that it is inconvenient for me to get far to work closer to where i live now, and i... is not enough place, probably, to live, and his mother supports this legend, you agreed with her that you will tell him this, about supporting i can’t say for sure, this is my legend, what i try to explain to him when he asks, well, i think mom probably also supports, but how did you agree with

his mother, when you separated, well, we are on good, normal terms, but she is still the mother of my child, i try to support her there as much as possible, and i treat her very well, so... this is still not a stranger there person, yes, this is the person who is raising my children, my child, so i try to listen to her and solve some issues together, as you agreed on what you will tell the child, we did not agree on what will not communicate she said no you don't you will, i don’t want him to be seen communicating with children, because it could traumatize him, including, yes, and what else, well, including her negative ones. and you broke up a long time ago, broke up, divorced for two years , something like that, but you broke up, and broke up for three, yeah, and she has a negative relationship, because as i understand it, maybe, yes, because i have a new family, yes because that the relationship with

that woman may have arisen when you were still married, yes, that is, she has reason to dislike that woman, yes, ok, i’ll tell you roughly how the whole story happened for us, i... lived in the north on yamal, that’s where we met my first wife, and we had a long relationship in the sixteenth year, andrei appeared there, and after 2 years we moved to moscow, but they were not in a relationship, and i was not happy, but there were relationships like most families, but 80%, probably 90 live. they live together, yes, but i needed exactly a person, a partner, with whom i could make some plans, go on developing a lot, a lot together, and here i am, when i had my first child, andrey, yes, for me it was just an unforgettable

emotion, i’m straight to the core, this is probably the best moment in my life, why because, well, when i lived... i didn’t understand what it was children, well, children, children , well, you need it, you need it, everyone is at work, it’s time to have children, and you don’t attach much importance to it, but then, when you have it, you understand, now you’re holding it in your hands . it’s your own blood there, yes, it’s he who looks like you, it’s unforgettable at that moment i had it in my head that i wanted more children, when i moved to moscow, we had difficulties in our relationship, against the background of this relationship viola appeared, yes, my new wife, and here i fell in love, i the person saw this person not just as a future spouse, but saw precisely... at a person, a partner’s spouse, yes, with whom i can, with whom i want to develop, yes, she thought

the same way as me, she also thought like me , yes, she too, these are all the ideas, really, really, well, i guess i’ve never fallen in love like that, because if there had been some kind of relationship, maybe there had been some kind of relationship, i wouldn’t have left, yes, but here i really met a person who would have radically influenced, well , influenced my life, and against the backdrop of this we with... my wife we ​​first started, the question was raised about divorce, i was the initiator, well, then we agreed that we would try to fix everything, so she really bothered me, well, she really didn’t want children yet. i didn’t want children under any circumstances, but at that moment i realized that, well, i

i need to change my life, i understand that with this person i have the goals that i set for myself, what i want, he won’t be able to give me, but the new wife, with whom i live now, yes, i’m with her i’ll be happy, and the fact that she’s ready to give me what i need, yes, she’s ready to give me a family. including children, against the backdrop of all this, my first wife and i divorced, now i have a new family, after some time children appeared, some claim that the main building of moscow state university is actually a huge, perfectly camouflaged spaceship, to to celebrate the eighty-fifth birthday of viktor sadovnichy. such a university is, of course, difficult, but for me this is life. now

university science is taking the lead because we have the most young people. in all countries, science is done by young people. almamator of every tenth scientist in russia, here they come up with our tomorrow. at this global level, without false modesty, we do not lag behind the best examples. students, where do you dream of studying? i believe in science, i believe that the main development of society will be a vector, vector of science, victor of science, premiere on wednesday on the first, graffiti in sao paulo is everywhere, it’s true that you can choose any place in the city and draw whatever you want, if you start drawing at some police station, then of course you... will fly in, they won’t put you in prison, but the fine they will impose is not small. the men here in brazil are very attentive

and caring. it’s clear that sometimes someone’s husband can go to the left, our blood is hot, but our own woman, she is always alone. i see that you mostly have women working here. we just want the women's coffee business to grow alongside the men's. the same. brazil, coffee is simply bliss, the life of others. era, next sunday on the first. you are watching the triggers podcast, with you its host tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan. leonid is our guest, and we are discussing whether it is worth confessing to the eldest son from his first marriage that he has half-brothers. what about andrey, you say, i wanted new children, i wanted more children. and he? he also i wanted him to have brothers, to

have brothers, to communicate with them, i understood that i would be with him, i would help him with him, but in fact at that moment , you probably said correctly, there was no such understanding yet, but that there were some investigative actions, well the fact that some depth may follow, that there may actually be a problem and... the fact that how this can affect, and including communication, even at that moment that they will not communicate, i didn’t even have such a thought, you wanted to unite the family, create a new one. and unite her with andrey, and then everything developed gradually, as if there wasn’t all the time the opportunity to say the right moment to tell him, there was a moment when i wanted to introduce him, my wife found out about it, she reacted very negatively, that’s what it means to react negatively, this is her reaction, how well, it might be

unpleasant for her, but it’s like she should go to a psychologist, how did it hurt you, why did it bother you at all? stopped what she said, absolutely no, i’ll lie down in front of the door and won’t allow this, yes, i won’t allow it, i don’t want to, so that they communicate, and with a very serious scandal, yes, well, that’s the point , the scandal was so serious that it traumatized you, and not andrey, well, including, yes, yes, that is, andrey on that moment there were four, but somewhere approximately, that’s why i say that you know something about the injury, but how to say, mm, somehow very, well, as it should, in general, superficially, from the point of view.

will understand that there is nothing more important than andrei’s mental health at the moment, if three adults take this for themselves as a priority, then andrei will not be traumatized, andrei will only be traumatized as a result of the fact that the conflict between adults becomes his internal conflict, he

will also take this drama and this trauma from you if, for example, his mother tells him that that dad chose another family there, it’s a trauma if mom says, well, listen, dad loves you, we just separated, so dad now lives there with you as a family, you’re with me, but dad loves you, there’s no trauma if dad say, for example, i left your mother because she is a fool, trauma, if he says, i fell in love with another woman, but i respect your mother , she is the best mother in the world, there is no trauma, that’s when two adults...

he can turn to each of them for help when he needs it, for support when he needs it, according to role models, that is , dad and mom are conditionally there...

through the child’s mother, if it is impossible to agree on how this is even possible to do, there may be no way to step over it, well, you must understand that...

well, how he might not even hear it, but the longer this situation continues, the it will be more difficult for him, the more time he lives in his more conscious age in a lie, he will understand only one thing: i was deceived, so he won’t be able to do that either, i’ll tell him, dad, that you deceived me, so what will you tell him, mom i didn’t want me to tell you the truth, the trauma, you know, you’ll have to blame it on another, well, another part of his life, on his mother, so i don’t really understand why... your ex-wife is like that, well, i mean no, of course i understand, but if we count on the adequacy of three adults, then of course this needs to be done, and

moreover, you know, you tell me i just don’t know, maybe she’ll watch this program in the end and hear us, or maybe you ’ll tell her that it’s not the presence of other children that traumatizes the child, it traumatizes child , when mom and dad lie, we take andrey, but after 25 years, he is already 32. here are two options: andrey has no brothers, and andrey has brothers, believe me, in the normal scenario, that everything is fine with you, andrey with brothers will feel much better than andrey without brothers, because if you can build such relationships so that children love each other, communicate with each other, support each other, really consider themselves brothers, and step-brothers, but there are thousands of examples, millions of examples when this perfectly allowed people to build relationships with each other. but it’s just that this is the situation itself in which now you are also tired of it, and as if the only thing that turns out is that the person who is now

not tired of anything and does not suffer in any way is your first wife, that is, it turns out that you took the child and you two, i mean with her, they took the child and sacrificed him to her peace, well, excuse me, well, really, if we talk here with such a juvenile position, yes, when we stand on the side of the child. why are you both crazy? no peace of an adult is worth the psyche of a child, this is the first, second, well, yes, there was a divorce, of course, she thinks that you did something bad , you did the wrong thing, and you probably somewhere there also think that it was possible somehow differently, i should have gotten a divorce earlier, i don’t know, i should have done it differently, probably it doesn’t matter, but still there are two adults, these two adults have not coped with what is called marriage. well, there are two of you, the child just needs to understand this, realize it, he will understand, well, 7 years is like the age when you, in my opinion , minimally traumatize him, well

, for sure, but the longer you say tatyana correctly, you drag it out, the more difficult it will be for him to understand, then why are you parents, and what could not be said before, this is how he will talk, you are afraid of what, what if you suddenly expose this truth, and your wife will not i agree with this that then the ex-wife will happen. well, most likely the main obstacle is probably the first ex-wife, yes, what will happen there, imagine the situation, you tell your ex-wife that you have decided that andrey needs to tell about it, she says: no, i categorically disagree, you are doing it anyway, so then, well, there will be obstacles, yes, because we must educate together.

all you can do now is to invest your attention in your relationship with his mother, well, in the sense of talking, explaining, how to clarify all this , that, well, because tanya is asking you the right question, what a legend for andrei, why are you not around, it’s as if you are playing a game called let’s save the family, let’s save this illusion for andrey, but you’re lying to him, you know, it seems that you feel very guilty. in front of your ex -wife, as if this is her instrument of influence on you, so you cannot feel free and make the

decisions that you consider necessary. i have more in front of the child, not ex-spouses, just in front of the child, why? because i left, and i’m not spending time with him now, and , probably, this is what’s eating me very much, the genius of tatyana’s assumption is that when you feel guilty before your first wife, you transfer it to your child, you...

to your wife , you can give it away, it’s a good idea to collect a dowry with your dad, we have embroidered shirts here, it’s so beautiful, in the vologda province an amazing ritual of dressing has been preserved, the bride was placed on a table decorated with a rich tablecloth and her friend was helped put on a wedding dress, someone came to us, well, who, who is young, bring out our beauty, well, the groom, to be in the wedding. first, you are watching the triggers podcast with you , we are getting married next sunday , hosted by tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, we are visiting leonida , we are talking about whether it is worth confessing.

this is the point, this is your fault, and also, including the fact that at that moment i was somehow even, well, deepened by new relationships, yes, by my new plans, building a new family, and i missed this moment, like can will be them, how the child might react, because it only came later, the fact that yes, there really could be problems,

it’s so interesting, as if all the time... you are afraid of the consequences, as if you are thinking about what you can’t so it’s better not to predict the consequences, because some odes may open up there , you know, like a person, when he knows that he will go, he may be there, well, he’s walking through territory that is unknown to him, he understands that in this territory he can hurt his leg there, there to get hurt, but he has some kind of fear, but in order to overcome it, he needs confidence, in order to really step on this therapy, so that... well , some guarantees that this is the right decision, but there are no guarantees, but guarantees, there is no certainty, and there are no guarantees, then, you know, it is not the quantity of time spent with the child that matters, but the quality, your child will not feel abandoned, and if you are in a relationship with him, well, precisely in those moments when you two spend time, you will be honest, sincere, open. and you will

totally involved in contact with him, well, in his life, in some of his interests, and the amount of time spent , going to bed together, getting up together, i don’t know, brushing your teeth and so on, well, that’s... a fact the fact that this has already happened, because the feeling of guilt, that well, what could you be guilty of, and how the feeling of guilt will develop inside you, that it should have been different, it should have been wrong, that is, you all the time you will come up with some kind of reality in which it is as if this event does not exist, but it exists, there is already this boy, there are these

two boys, as it were, and this already exists, and this must be accepted as a fact, taking responsibility for what adults have done , then the feeling of guilt will not interfere with your communication with your children, then these... children will have each other's brothers, well, in the sense of communicating with each other, but you can do this either by talking with his mother and, as it were, directly conveying to her the value of this openness, this is this discovery, well either one of you will do it, and if you do it, then yes, you have a risk that she will not give him to communicate with you, you with him, and yes, it will be bad, but otherwise everyone else will suffer, it’s just like here... unfortunately, this lie will have to go so deep that it can be unraveled one way or another with responsibility certain consequences, well, you can minimize them, that’s the point, roughly speaking, you need to prioritize either the child or the ex-spouse, right? i

’ll make a very bold assumption, that it would be great, but to sort out your relationship with your ex-wife before telling andrey, because the root in general... is there, of course, to clear up this relationship , to talk through all the grievances, expectations that she obviously may have , i talked thousands of times, tried to convince her, and through arguments, pressure, and well, not at all, just to convince her of something, to convince her , what is needed for them to communicate, i really want them to be in your relationship, you and between you and your ex-wife, without children, she has not yet lived through your divorce, that’s the point. i think so, yes, so tatyana is talking about this, that you need to talk it out, she has a very strong grudge, including spouse, and this does not allow her to build her relationship, well , you both need this purity between you in order to move on, of course, and

in order for the child to live calmly in all this, the child will be able to cope with this, but only then, when he will clearly understand what is what, and will not live in illusion, that’s if you are talking about what your relationship is. is not built only on improving andrey’s quality of life, then this, this is right there, not buying toys, there is medical care, insurance, there i am not i know, schools, education , it’s this purity, why yes, this is what i have, because my parents, they just categorically did not communicate, after the divorce i have them, even they have no communication at all, i understand that it was very bad , because it would be better if they communicated with each other, my mother, yes, with my father, they would do things more productively, and it would be better for us, for my brother there, if they there was some kind of communication, communication, but they categorically did not want to communicate with each other communicate, so against the backdrop of this

, i wouldn’t want to repeat what i had, my parents, while you go there in a different form, but you repeat the same story, you seem to be precisely because of this that you lacked communication from your mom... and dad in childhood regarding the issue of your trauma, even though you said that they didn’t exist, and because mom and dad didn’t communicate, you now prioritize communication with your first wife, than your child's mental health, because you are trying to save him, so that he does not see what you saw, winning back your grass, you see, it’s as if you are repairing the relationship between your parents, but how can i introduce them, how best to make it so that... and the child reacts normally, but the fact is that i have children in another family for 7 years, i think it can be done in different ways, you can first show him two-year-old children, and then tell him that they are his brothers, or you can first

tell him that we will now go to your brothers and then show him, i think that this does not really matter, i for the second approach, first bring them to communicate, so that they communicate, and then say what that i can’t, i say this and that. on the contrary, the second one is suitable, let's go for honesty, and since we're talking about honesty, let 's not burden andrey with additional, well , yes, additional suspicion, because this will result. maybe that he will still have the idea that when communicating with other people there is always some kind of story that can unexpectedly come to light, so you need to be hyper-attentive, what this or that communication can lead to, so let’s do it anyway for honesty, i would first yes in this i mean, the three of you would sit down and talk, you and his mother and andrey, and as if only when you two adults can say this, if mom is categorically not, well, come up with any convenient way. tatyana is right that you can first just tell him that we

will go there today, i want to introduce you to your brothers, and answer all his questions, he will have a lot of questions, it is important that you answer them, it is very important with talk to him about how you feel, what is happening to you now, what you are thinking about, what do you have concerns, why are you worried, and what do you expect, after you introduce them, you will also need to spend time with him, he must understand that for him the world has not changed, he has... in the same way, he has a dad, there is a time where you two can work through this situation with him in the same way, talk about what happened to you, how it was for you, how you liked it, didn’t like it, what you liked and what you didn’t, what would you like? tell me, will your ex-wife agree to go to a psychologist with you? i think no, she she will say that no, i don’t need it, this person is very stubborn, so trying to convince her of something is a very problem.

disclosure of the topic, yes, for revealing that

problem, yes, because oh, you know, i hope that this was useful not only for you and me, because a large number of people are faced with this, because people, well, really now from - because of the popularization of psychology, everyone is so afraid of inflicting some kind of wrong trauma on their children, but in fact it only aggravates this situation, so thank you for covering this topic, it will be very useful, i think it will be useful to many to people. you watched the triggers podcast , its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan were with you. we talked with leonid about how to integrate into life, the consciousness of an older child, the information that he has half-brothers. all projects are podcasts paws.

hello, the sunday program is on air. in our hearts, as victims and relatives of those killed in the terrorist attack in crocus, we are supported by a variety of people, from volunteers to sports and pop stars, i can bear it,

the story of the heroes who saved hundreds of lives, we know, of the people, we are interested in who ordered the new investigation into the monstrous crime in krasny. cover operation. there is no evidence, absolutely no evidence of ukrainian involvement. what's wrong with the version with the banned group isis. blow after blow, pollen storms, the snow has melted and allergies

are gaining momentum, that is , fainting, dermatitis, swollen eyes. vaccination against polynosis and what to exclude from the menu , medical advice? a pain that cannot be relieved - a terrorist attack in crocus cityhole. on saturday it was 9 days since the tragedy, the floor of the destroyed concert hall - a minute of silence, a light projection on the wall, photographs of those who will never return home and hug their loved ones, and cranes flying into it. a sea of ​​flowers, words of condolences and support, and a concert of the symphony orchestra conducted by valery gergiev. music is like a prayer for the dead victims. the final list of victims of the monstrous crime is 144 people. a terrible figure,

it could have been higher if not for the feat of the most ordinary people. they, like others, found themselves inside the concert complex, but not confused in... at different ends of a huge building, people who have retained their composure are trying to save those who are nearby, help here, help, help, these terrible shots were filmed by ilya krasnikov , he turned on the phone camera, kept it in his breast pocket, he managed to get out of crocus in the first minutes of the terrorist attack, but not finding his friends on the street, he decided to return for them. i moved against the flow of people, and

having walked there up to 30 m, almost approaching the evacuation route, i saw a girl being carried by her husband’s arm, what? wait, the girl her right leg near the knee was injured, a lot of heavy bleeding was visible, he helps to carry the wounded woman to a mobile paramedic station, here she is given first aid and taken by helicopter to botkinskaya, she will recover quickly, later he will send greetings from the hospital to the person who could not pass by, there on the cold asphalt, even those who have already gotten out urgently need help. young. a man does cardiac massage and artificial respiration of a girl in white clothes, i offered him mine help, he told me to take my pulse, i took my pulse, the pulse was weak, but, but it was there, i remember telling him, we’re working, that’s it, he continued to do, massage, at that moment an ambulance drove up behind me,

ilya again returns to the building again , does not have time to go inside, through this hole in the glass are guys, security guards in black clothes, because...

he communicates with his colleagues by radio, he finds a path along which he can safely take people out into the street, bypassing fire and smoke. alexey tried to guide us through these several times corridors to get us out of there, to save us. we approached the first floor, went up to the first floor, went up to the second, there were shots everywhere, and there was smoke, and he gave the command back when he had already brought all the people out into the street, so they began to thank me, there, thank you very much, you gave all this for a second life. they were crying there and everything and i began to lose consciousness, and now they had already saved me, i was already being rescued by an ambulance along the side stairs , frightened people were in a hurry to leave the building, anna berikova began with all her strength. behind

the front wheels, then two more men approached, one from the front took hold of the second wheel, the second one pulled me away and took my hands, the three of them carried it, thanks to this we were saved, these seconds that they spent on us could have cost them their lives. pressing her back against the wall, come here, baby , i have a leg, a leg, i can’t bear you, i can bring you, i turned off the flashlight, i see she

had a field wound to the bone and well, it was essentially an open fracture, we tried to lift her, but it became clear that she would simply lose consciousness from pain shock and ran for a stretcher to the doctors, the girls were injecting painkillers, the girl was killed. inside, pay attention, the walls are literally burning, flames are escaping from under the panels, people were hiding in fear in toilets and basements from the fire and smoke, ilya is looking for those who were trapped in the fire. the guy in the white sweater, i call him that, i ask him, where else could there be people? what's your last name?

first, we took turns running into the room, which was completely filled with smoke, that is, zero transparency at all. kamil rossi mogly - the same guy in the white sweater, who runs further along the corridor, this is how he describes his meeting with ilya in that hell. some guy was running with a phone, well , it was clear to his face, he was older than me, denser than me , he was filming with a phone, he said how to go down, he said where the escalator was, he said there were people there, when terrorists started shooting at the building, kamil was on the street could well have left, but he returned, i ran there, it turns out that the father of the wounded guy was standing over him, pulled out his jacket and was holding his head, the field wound was in his head, i i said what we were doing, well, he just looked at me, i took it, they started dragging it away, for 2 hours kamil carried the wounded out to the ambulances and ran again.