hello, dear viewers, as always, you are watching the triggers podcast, with you its leading psychologist tatyana krosnovskaya, psychologist and psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest nicole, hello! good evening, please tell us what you came to us with? you know, i have such a problem, i’ve probably had it since adolescence, from the age of 12 during adolescence i developed a disease called anorexia, later doctors diagnosed me with this, anorexia nervosa, and the disease sometimes appears and then disappears, that is, she doesn't depends on some... events happening

in my life, that is, suddenly it’s gone, suddenly it resumes again, it doesn’t have any periodicity so that it can be tracked, and i learned to cope with it as best i could, learned to live , but here’s my question, why do i have this image formed in my head that i try to suit him all the time, that is, it’s a certain weight, a certain look, in a different image, when... i gain weight, or when i try, yes, if you can call it that, live like ordinary people, with food more or less acceptable, why don’t i like this image, why because i look so well, it’s important that it affects my whole life, that is, and at normal weight i don’t want to be a normal person, to exist, to act, something achieve, only being in such a small ... in the person i strive for, i

do something, well, i have more strength, more energy, more aspirations, desires, yeah, in general, help, if possible, and how do you achieve such a small weight, this is physical exercise, and this is a limitation in your diet is quite strict, you have always been involved in sports, sports, yes, but what about dietary restrictions? to what extent, depending on what stage it is, and if you eat normally, well, as far as i understand it, yes, it’s normal, and i eat once or twice a day, well, usually these are some kind of salads, some , i don’t know, there ’s meat, vegetables, everything is there at the right time, of course, nothing harmful, nothing fatty, but when this next peak happens, and i leave,

once every 3 days, once every 5 days, this happens, that once every 10 days, you don’t want to eat or you just don’t eat, i don’t eat on purpose, that is , you feel hungry, but you try not to eat, yes, yeah, these days, how do you feel, you know, after about three, well, after the third day i’m no longer hungry i experience it and i just don’t even think about whether there was food today or not, i can drink coffee, but it would be desirable to have it. some kind of plant-based milk, maybe one energy drink a day, and then with ice, something like that, that’s where all my food ends, how old are you? 37, 37, are you married? no, well, you were in a relationship, are you now are you in a relationship? and i’ve been in relationships many times, at the moment i have a very good friend who supports me, well, friend, friend, yeah, who are you anyway?

what do you weigh now, how tall are you, how can i figure it out? my height is meter 75, at the moment i keep my weight at 50 kg, 50. have you had weight fluctuations, how significant? when i started, in july in july i weighed about seventy, yeah, seventy, yes, i have a lot of muscle mass, due to this it’s even difficult to say that i weigh 70, but... but i try

to agree on what the lowest weight is ? was? the lowest weight for all periods was now 43 kg. yes. and if you're in such good shape , you generally feel pretty good at seventy, right? well, at seventy i really don’t like myself. well, okay, what is the weight when you are satisfied with yourself, this seems to me right now. yes, so what about you, i like you too? where's the problem? and the problem is that the people close to me are very worried about me, they are afraid that i might leave further, although i know, as it were, but, well, there is a border that cannot be crossed, if you imagine that they they are sitting there now in the back, as in such programs

with the audience, who is sitting there and worrying about you, my mother and my closest relatives, perhaps, well, who is this, aunt, uncle, who is this aunt, uncle, my... nephews, yeah , so they all gathered there behind and are worried about you, yes, uh-huh, okay, clapped them, let them worry, your friend is worried about you, well , he worries in his own way, of course, but could you tell us about the story in general, how it was formed, but anorexia, i can’t directly complain about my childhood, and not i want to, but my childhood was not easy, yeah, when i was... 5-6 years old, my father died very suddenly, he died of leukemia, yeah, and my mother found herself in a difficult situation at that time, and decided that she i need to get additional education, improve my qualifications, and that

it will probably be quite difficult for me and her in this regime, she gave me to her mother, that is, to my grandparents and... somewhere before the first year of university i lived with them completely, my mother came periodically, these were often weekends, she spent some time with me, but the relationship was quite complicated, because we couldn’t spend time together for a long time, and because my mother had a lot of her own problems, every time she came, that is, at first it was a scandal. quite so serious, i didn’t always understand what the reason was, i did something wrong, that is, you know, such a premonition of a holiday every friday, but at the same time you move away from the door because it’s scary, well, that is, first you have to get over it what will happen,

so mom often spent time with her friends, that is, i felt that i was missing her, at school i didn’t have such a large number of friends, not that... i kind of suffered from this, i just lived, and well, i’m not such a talkative person , that is, i was comfortable with it, but i understood that somewhere inside it was somehow very, very difficult for me, i started smoking early, and you know, when i smoked, i always, well , that is, i didn’t smoke because that it was fashionable then or something else, i liked that i was inhaling what seemed like bitter smoke, but when i... exhale, i feel faint, that is, i often stood on the balcony and exhaled, and it seemed to me that i was exhaling everything that was holding me inside, yeah, although i really wanted to live with my mother, but every since she told me that this is not yet possible, i just asked the question, did you want to live with your mother

or did you not want to live with your grandmother, i wanted to live with my mother, yeah, go on, i loved my grandmother madly and i still love her, probably, although she is no longer with us, but... with my grandmother there were more complex relationships over time, because that the difference in age, when i already started my first year, i myself made the decision that i needed to return to my mother, i don’t know how it would be, i understood that it would be difficult, and i returned to her, we spent a long time building difficult, very difficult relationship, because we didn’t know who we were at all, well, in general , how to communicate, and what kind of returned to her, you just? they called, and i lived in another city, near moscow, i came, yes, i said that now we will live with you together, yeah, this is my decision, now we will live with you, yeah, but after some time, our relationship still got better, she also

tried very hard, now i think that we are great, there were several hospitalizations during this time, who was hospitalized, me for now... and two other clinics were specialized, but to say that they revealed something to me, somehow worked with me, i can’t say that, well, they put you in a neurological clinic, yes, yeah, well, it was difficult, that is, it’s not psychological treatment is mainly tablets, droppers, a lot of glucose, when you just come out in half a month with sizes four to five times larger. you go to work or study in this form, it is of course very scary and incomprehensibly terrible, but

now my mother and i live separately, we have a fairly warm, good relationship, if it is possible to say how long you lived with your mother, if you can in the first year we moved in with her at 17, yes, somewhere around 17, well, 18 i took the academy for 18 welcome days, well, that is, it turns out to be 20'. i didn’t quite understand that we were going back to him now, uh-huh, then it happened, rather this you know, and the first peak, when i was 12 years old, it was difficult in terms of relations with my mother, not in terms of relations with the disease, that is, it was difficult with my mother, you know what a thing, your disease is like any other disease, probably, this...

you are watching the podcast triggers with you, its hosts tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan, our guest is nicole, and we are talking about anorexia, our colleagues are watching us now, i know that many colleagues are watching us, they then they write to me, so for the colleagues who are watching now, and for you, as a future colleague, i can say that in long-term psychotherapeutic work using a psychoanalytic, psychodynamic approach, i would consider another version. that's it, you are trying to be very compact so that your mother will still pick you up, so as not

to take up a lot of space, but you understand, that girl, not an adult woman, plays this game only when you become disidentified with the motives, desires of that girl, who was afraid that she would be admitted to the clinic, she was admitted to the clinic, that her classmates would laugh at her, that my mother doesn’t accept me like this, but all these well... how, in essence, you need to disidentify with her, leaving her with all the problems that existed and everything that psychology, psychotherapy can do in this sense, it’s like i would like to find a way for you to live all these elements that that child was missing so much, and live your life separately from your mother, separately from this girl, to understand that, in general, no matter what size you are, you, by the way, and what, what, what is a big plus of your... anorexia, let's call it that, your disease, you know your body very well, and this is

an invaluable gift, and if you start with this, if in the end in your training you delve a little deeper into the body-oriented approach, for example, then you just have a huge storehouse of knowledge about how your body works, which most people don’t have, and if you start just listening to it, nothing more. learn to just listen to your body, not explore it with experiments on it, listen to it, then it will be a beautiful melody, well, right now, right at this moment, it seems to me that the most important thing is this it’s just to split up with this girl, you are so united with her that you tell her story, living her life, and you are already different, and somehow enjoy your own body, love it. this is the most important thing, that's for sure. yes. well, it was the triggers podcast, and we were with you, its

hosts, psychologist, tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergei nasebyan. nicole was our guest, in my opinion, it was a very deep conversation for the night. you can watch all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. i'm larisa guzdeeva, this is let's get married, good afternoon, today we have brides, andrey, 45 years old, in the seventh year of married life, he changed the role of alphonse to the alpha male and decided to file for divorce. andrey is an entrepreneur, lives in the village of konevskaya , krasnodar region, loves to relax in the mountains and cook according to recipes from famous chefs. he admits that he is a regular viewer of the let's get married program; they warn that he has

an increased libido. andrey will not pay attention to the platinum blonde with long manicure. lives with a girl who spends a lot of energy he puts his phone face down at work, marries a cozy, temperamental, fiery brunette, and is interested in moving to his territory and entering into an official marriage. hello, glad to see you, larisa, thank you very much, you don’t have to go far, you already know if in case. the house is already moving, you see, the hostess, pies, baking, you know, i want to tell you, andrey, you have an increased libido, because you are a regular viewer of our program, let's get married, this is already a scientific fact, and we have so many children born within the program , so everything is correct, here and mindelson won’t let you lie, confirm , dear, it’s absolutely true, for regular

viewers of our program, act of love lasts about an hour with three commercial breaks. well , perhaps you are the first man in 15 years to say this definition out loud alphonse, was it really like that? yes, larisa, of course, it so happened that i didn’t consider the girl, her internal state, in this, in this regard, i probably made a mistake, she just acquired a home, bare walls, i, of course, took it. my hands on landscaping and left work, it worked out so that i became dependent on her, the role of alphonse absolutely does not fit the type of this real man, how do you call it, you improve her living conditions, you do some fantastic renovations in her house, you understand that, larisa, yes i constantly look at you, i just admire your

statements and your position, well... she had a very good core, such a strong woman, a man is called if i may say so, and it so happened that i had already become addicted, healthy, handsome a two-meter man who works for his wife because a lover burns with passion, but it is love. such nasty things with people with us, and we didn’t do anything, rose actually sold the apartment from her lover, even rose, yes, i liked the groom, he’s quite strong, so strong-willed, and i also liked his mole, on the right or on the left, and what did you pay attention to, you didn’t pay attention to the mole, you paid attention to his receding hairline, and you, like your son, had child support, i

don’t pay child support, and maintenance, of course, all this is canceled, and if not then you don't you earn money. it was, it was, it was such that i was dependent, yes, every penny, it naturally came from and when i lived as alphonse, if you look at it, a trip to my parents, helping my son, where i often received the answer that, well, you have money, so help me, she mocked you so much, or something, you can only say so, like you know that he doesn’t have it, and you go earn it, there are no pens, there is no candy, yes, that’s how it all was, on i didn’t see it all at that moment. and somehow loved, because how much have you lived under your thumb? under your thumb, well , about five years, our story is very similar, my husband also quickly stopped loving me, when i couldn’t afford to support him, did you have children? yes, i have a very wonderful son in constant contact, that is, she gave birth to you after all, when you began to earn money, began to earn more than her, she was in

a position, everything was natural, you built her a house, made her beautiful, made a child, here she is. maternity leave and you understand that now you have to go and bring money into the house, while everything is going just like clockwork, and i began to develop his business, listen, well , it seems to me that this topic was actually imposed on him by his ex-wife, because you can’t absolutely tell from him that everything has worked out for you, no, not on the contrary, it hasn’t worked out, i mean with business, it was hard with business, it was hard, i registered everything in her name, but why, tell me, because again it’s love, no, not love, i wanted it. to gain, probably, more trust so that she trusts me, how would she trust me, she, i am an open person, i always, i don’t need anything, so that finally she i realized that she was living with a cool man, with the right one, but she probably knew that, in general. did you take the business back? i understood that either i would leave with nothing at all, but not only would i leave it at home, i never share it, i never, why do i need it, and i realized, yes, i began to somehow get out of this

situation and chose the tactic that i need to at least register my business, i said, of course, that i need to take out a very large loan, she said: i won’t make any signatures for you, your business is yours, your loan pay yourself, i can’t, naturally in this in this... i love strong men who bring bread home, tell me what to do, how to live, solve problems, you say that you have an increased libido, and if you’re so tense in the family, then you need energy somewhere, and you are always in the morning, noon and evening, when the moment has already arrived when we were already cold to each other, well, naturally, we are living people to us. i want to, but no, maybe it was for health reasons, yes, i already had construction crews at that time, i was doing finishing work, and yes, i sinned with the gardener, yes it happened

something like that, i cheated, well, there’s a little problem here, that it’s for you too, yes, my wife, yes, it was like that, it was like that, they forgave me, i tried, i tried, i tried to forgive for about 2-3 months, yes i tried. i tried to somehow move away from this, to distract myself, but still no, since his wife did not give him any warmth or comfort, it is very logical that a man gets gardeners, in my opinion everything is natural, your requirements may not work, but but in the evening, when i came home from work, my head wouldn’t hurt, there would be such a lighter, songs, dances, scratch everything else, i’m ready to provide, rose, that’s right, normal, normal man earning money, we don’t we don’t want to earn all the money in the world. yes, you can’t earn them, but you need to get this pleasure from life, i don’t mind my wife, my wife, working, but she worked only for one thing, this is for

a corporate party, go to a corporate party, make friends, have a party somewhere, where - there should be some kind of space of our own, that’s it, but when i come home, i don’t want to hear from her how her employer punished her today, he ready to ensure that the woman does not work, you take your own delicious ones. let’s say i, i’m a creative person, i have something that’s even considered, well, how can i talk, i don’t work, i myself sit and write my notes , i can write all night for three nights in a row, and i still make money from it , and another important point, larisa, she should be housekeeping, wash his socks, wipe off the dust, take care of the comfort, second, he should not have a headache, as i already said, in the morning, afternoon and evening, which means she definitely should have long hair, of course...

that a man aged 40 to 50 needs to have sex 69 times a year, minimum, maximum is unlimited, you can at least not wear clothes at all, it seems to me that at 45 years old , increased libido is very healthy, a hot temperamental man, it seems to me that this we will get along with him, age, number of children, husbands, past i don’t care at all. that's it, then go and meet the first bride, good luck,

hello, andrey, my name is natalie, i will show that family life can be bright and interesting, like my dress. natalie, you great, thank you. natalya, 36 years old, educational psychologist working with children with disabilities, lives in krasnodar, dreams of three white horses at her wedding, is proud that she honors family traditions, admits that she does not accept diets, sleeps in jewelry and gets angry, how... it looks bad, warns that they will never let a man near the whip. natalya could not ask her husband for a situation in which he did not take her side, but only hid her in a scandalous manner. he hopes that andrey will always be there.

her lawyer, hello girls, hello, what a beautiful bride, such luxurious hair, my dream is simple, he is with flowers, he is with flowers, you understand, well, this is an indicator, yes, i believe that there are plenty of judges outside the home, so family members, especially the husband, should be a lawyer always tell your wife your situation, my friend lived with me for 2 months, this was probably a mistake. let a single woman into the house, of course, so she played with my child, we spent time together, it turned out that we already had a divorce, and i even asked my ex-husband to take my wife, but my husband wasn’t there against the fact that you have a breed waiting for you, no, and i asked, i said, take the girl, buy t-shirts there, take her, and i needed a t-shirt, and i said, i’ll call you, well, my friend, zhen, and you pass the phone to vitalik, she

hung up on me. being in the store with him, and i can’t get through to him, she comes and i say: why did you hang up? i asked her to tell me, she turned around crazy, left, my ex-husband came and said: where is the girlfriend? i say, she left, he got into a row again, but how was it possible to bring an unmarried woman home to live? girlfriend, she should have gone to him herself , picked a girl of her choice, he says: you kicked the man out the door, and he called her, and she says: it’s my fault, yes i did that, he says:

but then i was in the club with a friend, and another girl began to make a remark to my friend that she was supposedly wearing some kind of cheap blonde dye, and i stood up for her, since she was younger, the girl just went out for a walk for the first time, i say, you look your color , look, as a stylist i can say that your color is much cheaper, and we are with her got hooked, and i called my ex-husband and told him about this situation that i have some conflicts there, he says he knows everything...

but i reviewed a lot, because after the divorce i didn’t build a relationship, by the way, you reviewed a lot about this, so you warn that you won’t buy bread for yourself, first of all you’ll get a manicure, you won’t deny yourself laser hair removal there, and when you look bad, you’re angry, and first of all, at whose expense, well, if you marry my husband’s account will happen, well, at the moment i’m earning money, but when will it happen? man, of course i am if.

is that how you see me or what? what about you? what do i have? this is feminine energy. natalya, i absolutely agree that character is destiny, character does not change with character, with this, we are born, with temperament, with a certain one, we are born, but throughout life, if everything is in order with your head, you

are adjusting your character. and your behavior, because you understand that people around you are uncomfortable, it doesn’t work out with men, and so on, you want them to change people around you, not you, no? here's a man, a man, when he offered to change you, were you angry that he offered it to you and not to himself? i believe that relationships are like a boat with two oars, i changed in some ways, he flared up, then i say, let's get together, we got better, that is, the quarrels stopped for a long period, they stopped, and mendelssohn, please tell me, i already said, character is fate, but what do you think, well, in general, psychologists... think so, but there are cases when character becomes softer, like usually after retirement, because you don’t have to go to work, follow certain rules too, there is less stress, the person relaxes, but this happens rarely,

or, for example, getting a dog to love, as in my case, why was i like this before disgusting, because i didn’t have a dog, it seems to me outwardly very bright, hair, lips, face, but some kind of tone. i don’t feel brightness from it, it seems to me that it is somehow absolutely driven, ordinary, perhaps even amorphous, you like it, andrey, well, i he seems to be a very pleasant young man, very attentive, i watch how he listens, does not interrupt, this is very important in a man, that is, not just this one, but he listens, looks closely, i love it when people look at each other - to andrey, because it’s important to him,

roman, what do you say, it’s not really his option, why? well, you can see right away, i know, a person, my own, a friend, you can just dissolve in her eyes, i don’t know, i don’t, i haven’t seen more beautiful eyes than natasha’s, now are you kidding or in fact, i probably from those.

hi andrey, i’m tatyana, i know that pepper is added to the dish to spice it up, i’ll be your pepper, you’re wonderful, thank you very much, please, thank you, this is very beautiful, pen, thank you, steps, tatyana, 33 years old, lawyer from st. petersburg, dances on the pole, draws on canvas and sculpts from clay. reads about the red car, is proud of the fact that he has changed his appearance, admits that he gets hair, eyelashes and nails extensions, i warn you that he does not know how to sew, sing or sit in one place. tatyana married a prisoner, and after his release i found out that he already has a wife and

a child.