the book is just the path to happiness, and i ended up seeing a psychotherapist with the fact that i don’t know how to continue living, the meanings were lost, and i didn’t understand, i wanted to get married, have children, these are imposed values, yes , which we really wanted to talk about this about those stereotypes of happiness that seem to be offered to us from childhood, well, maybe imposed, but offered as a given, so you must, in order for you to be happy, yes, get married, have children, get good education so that dad and mom are alive and healthy.

for me, a big revelation was the transition from the position of must to the position of important, if we live from the feeling for a long time, i must be successful, i must earn so much money, i must have such and such an apartment in such and such an area, i must to build an exemplary family and so on and so forth, i must follow all the rules, the position is important, because when i live for a long time - this is external motivation, and when it is important, it is important for me to follow the rules, it is important for me to live according to the law, it is important for me. yes, it’s important for me to realize myself, it’s important for me not to deceive, and so on and so forth, and it turns out that i find value and support within myself, this is happiness. andrey, personal happiness, there are some mechanisms that can be taught to be happy in your personal life. well, firstly, the longest social experiment in history, the so-called harvard experiment, which lasted more than 70 years, suggests that the most important factor in happiness is high-quality close relationships, everything in general...

basically fades into the background and for men and women, and if we talk about we can go on to say that what allows us to build high-quality relationships is, first of all, the ability to cope with conflicts, the ability to cope with differences, with the fact that we are very happy, because every person is different, probably some kind of, sorry for such a popular word is awareness, which helps us to be aware of ourselves, to be aware of others, to understand what is happening in the current moment. doing something about this may help us move on, that is, a lonely person, in principle, cannot be happy, you know, we everyone is different, there are people who can be happy, lonely, but man is a social being, we certainly need that same oxytacin that we are talking about on the one hand, on the other hand we need serotonin, which also depends on our social place again no one has canceled it, well, you know, you can get oxytocin in cats, you can, yes, i agree, yes, we need it and no matter how deep an introvert you are, you still need it.

the second thing is to give them quality affection, it is to give them an understanding of that at any moment, at any time, no matter what happens, no matter what they do, you still love them, you understand them, then they feel safe, then they will not develop cortisol and other anxiety, the second thing, on the other on the other hand, you allow them to take risks, you allow them to make mistakes, you motivate them to move forward, but again in the area that they call it, so i try to act like that with mine. this is

a psyche podcast, today we are trying to understand how to be happy, see other episodes on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru. let's give practical advice on how to teach a child to be happy. him, but this is not connivance, then it won’t work out that the child is happy only when he gets only what he wanted, give me this one, then he comes to work, they tell him, then look, this is what you need, it means that this is such a creative project, this is such a cool one, we will also have such a cool task, but you will still need

to make reports, he says, no, he says, i’ll take this, i’ll take this, and reports they will make me unhappy, i can’t afford it, no, we’re talking about a narcissist, yes, that is, such a self-centered person, you say. not in all subjects, let him bring c's, you need to require the child to bring a's , calm down, and if you want to make him an excellent student, ask yourself more, as for connivance, no, in this case it is also necessary to build personal boundaries, then there is not allowing the child to do whatever he wants, recently i heard a conversation between a child and his mother, the child wants chips and says: mom, mom, why do you tell me?

2 months in a new section or in a new circle , every time he says: that’s it, the most interesting thing is over, but this honeymoon, take it away, i’m deeply unhappy, well, of course that’s not what he says, he says i’m tired of it, i’m tired of it, i’m hesitant, i don’t want to go there, and so it continues from time to time, a similar situation familiar to me, my youngest daughter has already managed to resemble chess, cheerleading - some kind of needlework, now it is quickly ending, but this routine is beginning to be her so to speak. i think it's useful try different things, firstly, and as a person who went to music school for a very long time and was deeply unhappy there, i want to help my children find what they really like, and if my eldest daughter goes to a theater studio, she went, now she goes to dances again,

then the youngest one seems to have found it too, went there and she really likes it, but here there really is a very fine line, because if we just... because what great news, because people still born in the soviet union, they have some kind of discipline, but the generation of children was born, who were raised within strict limits, they tried to create a very favorable environment for their children, and thanks to this, children are not

always able to overcome, there is even such a concept as children of winners, the children of the defeated here with children are the same as in management, or rather on the contrary, in managing people, the same with children, you must be on one side. set clear, understandable boundaries, do not humiliate, but teach the child to set these boundaries, talk in the subject, the matter, the behavior, but at the same time be quite soft and accepting, in my case, if a child comes with a bad mark, the child himself is upset, it’s just that sometimes he is afraid to show this upset, and the first thing to do is to help the child to become a little happier than we are, the first basic thing is to learn to work with your emotions, learn to accept these emotions, yes, i’m upset, yes, i did... the second thing happened, yes, the second important thing, which i’m also trying to teach my children, at least, and this always happens with deuces, that they didn’t give it to us there, they didn’t pass it, so i got the wrong option, and so on, i ’m trying to teach that a deuce is your deuce, there’s nothing wrong with that, yes, it’s

the result of your action, let’s really discuss with you now, what can we do next time so that you don’t get a bad grade, i won’t do your homework for you, i tell her, that’s your task, i’ve never done homework with children at all , i say, but if you have it , you can come to me at any time and you and i will do this, even if i’m somewhere far away, i’m on a business trip, call me, record my voicemail, send me a photo of this homework, she understands that she has support, she doesn’t close.

with her husband and the man doesn’t know how to cope with these emotions, which he eventually experiences, and he doesn’t know where, he starts yelling at the dog, at the child, or somewhere else to drain these emotions, but he doesn’t sit down, doesn’t doesn’t write, doesn’t cry, doesn’t grieve, maybe gets angry or goes to a boxing match somewhere to pour out these negative emotions constructively, and he cannot teach this to a child accordingly, and the child does not know, he is afraid...

how to help, you need to do this, that is, please, this is what andrey also

said about the desire to help, and i i help, and i become happy, but this is not my true goal, well, that is , the behavior is learned, there is a victim, i am a rescuer, i rush to help, and then i rake, because the victim says, you helped me wrong, well, figuratively speaking, this happens very often, so you still have to keep it here. should be turned on like this at once, your formula for happiness,

alexander lone’s quote suits me, this is a body-oriented therapist, happiness is the awareness of one’s growth, that is, it is not an end point, it is a path, again, it is development, growth, that is, you compete only with myself, with myself, yeah, and your formula of happiness, my formula of happiness is to be here now, to accept everything that happens, everything that i cannot influence. influence what i can influence, and think in a way that distinguishes one from the other. well, friends, let's write it down our experts' formula for happiness. andrey shapenko, professor at the moscow skolkovo school of management, ilyana guseva, a provocative family psychologist, brought us pretty close to understanding how to be happy and how to be unhappy less often. psych podcast. increase noise and joy, sing. songs in good time, friendship, grace and youth, we have birthday girls, meanwhile, the child

greets you with wings, friends secretly think, one day the birthday boy will be me, the poet’s anniversary, i’m larisa guzeeva, let’s get married, good afternoon, today grooms anton, dmitry and oleg. and our bride is ekaterina. ekaterina is 29 years old, her lover damaged her nervous system, and she gave him pants and a passport. ekaterina sells selective perfumes. get a dog that can be dressed up on the marketplace, lives in moscow, dreams of acting in a movie and walking the red carpet, admits that she has so many things that they fall out of the closet, ekaterina will not pay attention to a man who does not stand out from the crowd and saves money, he sees his chosen one as a charismatic brutalist with a creative streak and

serious intentions. hello girls, ekaterina, your past. participation in our program was unforgettable, so i propose to remember how it was, let's see, i adore diamonds, i believe that i only need a man who will give me gold, diamonds, especially diamonds and no less, i believe that there is no such thing as too much gold diamonds, this is now the most expensive necklace with a diamond in this store on me, this is exactly the kind of generous, kind rich man i want. "i'm waiting his prince, the diamond one, well then why would he deceive you, if he loved you all the more, well, i understood that for 4 years he was not interested in a family, that’s another matter, and he was not in the mood for children, what is most important for me is that i really want children, and for me it would be a very important criterion if a man also does not have children from

any previous relationships or marriages, that is, i am very serious, 28-29 years, well, the age when you need to, well, start a family, well, here i am you know, i used to have a dream of being a flight attendant, well, i met this pilot on a website , i started spinning, spinning, but you know , there’s one thing, what the heck, your heart is in pieces, so to hell with all this, on a leopard like me for sure, yes it’s impossible to forget someone like that, tell me, this is the story of a man whose passport you ruined, the same pilot who flew away but promised

to return, no, this is someone else, this is a new italian, listen, a beautiful girl. really such an expressive lighter, right how did you meet? we met in a restaurant on belorusskaya, so i was walking, spilled wine on his pants, well, let’s be honest, we have one artist who on the red carpet always falls for the very man she has her eye on, and she has the same as if this leg was giving way like that, she was breathing right on him with all the perfumes and mists there, oh, forgive me, i won’t feel guilty, well, on purpose. i just asked for a phone number, we exchanged numbers, and so our relationship began so that you would pay for the kimchi, right, well, then, you know, at first i

didn’t think about it, then i realized that he was a rather pretentious man and... perhaps it was all because he was clinging to you all the time, i don’t understand, and he was cuddling and collecting checks, and when i started living with him six months later, i insisted on moving, yes, he was not very decisive, so when i was cleaning the apartment, well, in the house where we lived, naturally, we lived with him , i found checks, yes, he collected everything, what he spent on me, collected checks, collected checks, miser some kind, if he, for example, gives it as a gift, well, let him think for himself, i saved the store, i’ll return it. he kept it for himself, he didn’t give it to katya, that’s right, he took the gift from her with a receipt , returned it to the store, the money was returned, well, yes, by the way, but i didn’t even come for this, you gave it to him, you gave it back to the gifts, just you for example , i didn’t give it back, he took me, i only had a fur coat left, he took it from me, and took away the watch, and took the ring

that he gave me, i only had a fur coat left from him, just like that, that’s what i’m talking about , here they are for... checks, yes, but because of what they broke up, the last point of my boiling point was, i found an elastic band with dark hair, well, of course, i’m blonde, so i immediately understood, first of all, it’s not my elastic band , secondly , it’s not my hair, but i immediately realized that something was wrong here, well, naturally, i started yelling, well, well, naturally, what a scoundrel, i’m an italian, a real italian, he was like that, you know, he was very much like that. .. and i painted his passport with a black marker, everything i think about him is a foreign passport, well, he had russian citizenship, but here i am

i painted his passport, that’s all i think about it, right with a black marker, so i tore it up with scissors, took scissors and a knife, five suits, and by the way, this is a state document, they could have put me in prison, i’m so adventurous, mendelssohn, please tell me, my dear , but were there? some other such cases, outstanding, when women somehow took revenge on their men very clearly. there is a funny case of how a man took revenge on a girl, he found out that a student, his girlfriend, was cheating on him, he decided to cheat in return, he wanted her to i found out about this and did it with a classmate, but there was no reaction, then with my second, then with my best friend, in the end, in 2 months he performed this action almost completely. course, he himself confessed to her, but in the end she didn’t believe him, i will absolutely tell a true story, true, because

nikita mikhalkov told it to me more than 40 years ago, so, well , this is reliable, which means that at that time one couple was getting divorced and they the court awarded everything in half, while my wife was with my mother, he sawed everything in half, the tv, the sofa, the bed,

responsible, ready for a family, for children, generous, the most important thing, naturally, because a family means financial well-being, or a man in the shape of an ice cube, yes, or that means creative, creative who exactly, what profession, maybe a tv presenter? and this is my illness, here i have a store, it still brings you income, yes income, well, plus on top of everything i buy a lot of things, you are a shopaholic, and why

do you drink so much coffee, well, i have some kind of passion for it, so i can drink five or six a day cups of coffee, i can’t explain it, but i see you have crowns, there was one, now there’s another, in general, how many of these hats do you have, a lot, i know, i love hats, i love gloves, but today i have emeralds, then... i had a regular crown, today i have one with emeralds, today, real ones, it’s like, well, why, today is real, lord, emeralds and colombian, colombian, listen, you’re unguarded, yes, to me it seems that i can’t handle it, she’s still so wealthy, but on the other hand, she wants to start a family, you you want it too, why not, i like it, you have two apartments, one two-room apartment in rostov, you bought a one-room apartment in moscow, it’s on a mortgage, now... there’s already a little left there, who helped you? herself, all by herself, it ’s just this little store, yes, that is , i’ve been collecting this store for a long time before, but

i kept saving and saving, i love it like that , penny by penny, well done from our trade union, it’s good that she has an apartment , well, how many squares are there, 120 or 12, this is also a room of 120 squares, a wall demolish it, it will be 120 square meters, she is not an easy lady. meet the first groom, come in, oh, girls, hello, hello, you! today you are so good, so attractive, it seems to me that today we will show up with you in the evening in the most interesting place that you don’t even expect, you are very beautiful, this is

a compliment from my table. thank you very much, i am very pleased, thank you, uh-huh, anton, 38 years old, owner of a sports club, enjoys organizing basketball competitions, dreams of traveling around the world in good company, is proud of his mother, warns that he works hard and often spends time with his daughter in order to win his future wife, anton set traps all over the city, but in the end... to give you a present from the don land, yes, this is for you, rose , it's very tasty, thank you, yes, it's fish, very tasty, thank you very much.

go to other training sessions and not only that, she didn’t have a rose, neither her butt nor her breasts, oh well, but laris, you can make a little excuse, it’s still in my hands, even if she didn’t have one, we ’ll do everything together, man generally charged, so sporty, semenin, he loves his mother, it seems to me that i might even root for him, it seems to me that perhaps he’s even suitable for what, but you’re not suitable, even so i want to tell you, she came to clean up, tighten up her tummy, but she left belly, you’re my green one, and she’s like this, and they pumped up this, this, that , you can’t pump up that, well, just like they didn’t pump up, when the baby appeared, everything swayed on its own, what a cunning bug, anton, it happens sometimes, so listen, i don’t understand then, well, as you can see, look how good everything is, and we would like it for the child and it all seemed to be pumped up on its own, which is the catch, where the thriller begins, the thriller

began. unexpectedly, i really wanted a child, i fell in love with this girl, but a child appeared, a beautiful daughter, anechka, she and his wife then separated, he separated from his wife, you know, laris, after all, i am a creative person, i organize a lot of tournaments all my projects are for the future, but what about it? she's a hairdresser, no money, no money, i want money, i want money, yes, yes, i continued to look, not only for myself, i worked for four work in the nursery. when i saw that she was talking to other men? you know, i saw this already at the last stage, when i decided to open my own street basketball project in st. petersburg, i am an organizer of various tournaments, at that moment, when everything had already reached a dead end, and i said that we need to go to st. petersburg, to try, to start all over again, they told me, since it’s hard for us here, how will we live and survive in st. petersburg, but looking ahead a little, i want to tell you that after

parting... i earned, i i'm looking straight ahead such a confident man, confident second place, confident second place he will have 100%, that’s 200%, 100%, let’s do it dima, if you don’t like it, we’ll give it to him , he’s allowed to see his daughter, he won’t let me, now i’m answering this question, unfortunately, is now coming to a dead end, because when i am next to the child, here is my good one, well... golden, everything is fine, everything is fine, well, my golden one, well, woman, they are so angry, sit down, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, rose, sit, a man who knows how to show feeling is just gold, yes, generally a sincere person.