become happy when you have learned to control yourself, meditate, go to an ashram, sit there and so on and read mantras, just enjoy life , look at butterflies, well, if all people do this, then what will happen to the world, and there is another type of happiness, excuse the difficult word , eudomonic, as aristotle said, this happiness is associated with realization, with giving, with creating something in the world, with leaving a legacy, that’s all, i remembered a very children’s book, i went around the city a wizard, i think it's called maybe you remember, a fairy tale, a story about a boy who had magic matches, uh-huh, he broke the match and his every wish was fulfilled, that is, he was absolutely infinitely omnipotent, and he wanted to be happy, and this despite the fact that it was a children's book , with such a very adult meaning, she talks about how deeply unhappy, simply crushed by his misfortune and his omnipotence, the availability of any desire, this boy turned out to be. i will add that very often we

think that happiness will give us results, which we will achieve and the things that we will acquire, external, yes, that happiness is external, i would say, something material, something material, but in fact , what makes us much happier are actions, processes, relationships, yes, we are made something that we give not, as it were, from the outside in, yes, we do not take away from the world, but that we give to the world, and it does not come immediately. because at first, of course, in childhood we are incredibly happy in the moment, then at some age of 20-30 we chase success, we get a mortgage, some tasks appear, and then we encounter a crisis of meaning, people come to our business school who actually ask themselves the question, who am i anyway and why am i, everything is there, everything is there, it seems there is even happiness , and the family is all happy, but there’s this crazy emptiness, is it his happiness, the question, and then you understand that when a person... comes to you with the thought:

okay, i have a huge amount of money lying around and i don’t know what to do with them, and working with him, he eventually says: i understand, i i want to push this into projects, but projects that will develop other people, that will help other people, not just about money, but about something more, that’s where a person sees, it lights up in him, finally a fire appears in him energy, that’s another thing that i like, that happiness is energy, here i may disagree, about the fact that many people believe that if a person is happy, by himself... on his own, and this is selfishness, but happiness does not lie only in helping, but because if you yourself is not filled, you cannot give a person an understanding of happiness, and i myself went through this path, i was, i worked as a chief accountant in a company, and well, it so happened that an illness brought me into psychology about this, i wrote a book, just the path fortunately, i also ended up seeing a psychotherapist with the fact that i didn’t know how to continue to live, it was just that the meaning was lost, and i didn’t understand, i wanted to get married, have children, this is...

a child, yes, yes, you know, one of the main things that did this, now i impose this on my upbringing problems is that when a child he does poorly in math and does well in history, we hire him a teacher for math, not history, of course, he has to pass the game, yes, yes, yes, he needs to improve, yes, if we talk about my experience, it was a big revelation for me , has become a transition from a position, must in a position is important, if we live out of a sense of duty, i must be successful, i must zag. this is external motivation, and when

it’s important, it’s important for me to follow the rules, it’s important for me to live by the law, it’s important for me, that is, my values ​​are received, it’s important for me to realize myself, it’s important for me not to cheat and so on and so on, and it turns out that i find the value of support within myself, but this is happiness andrey, this is personal happiness, there are some mechanisms that can be taught to be happy in your personal life, well, first of all, the most the longest social experiment in history, the so-called harvard experiment, which lasted longer. years says that the most important factor of happiness is high-quality close relationships, in general, everything else, in principle, fades into the background, both for men and women, and if we talk about that, already further to say, what allows you to build high-quality relationships is,

first of all, the ability to cope with conflicts, the ability to cope with differences, with the fact that we are very glad, because every person is different, probably this is something, sorry for that - extroverts a little longer, how to raise children correctly so that they have this skill, as you say, andrey, to be happy, it seems to me that you don’t need to raise children, you need

to educate yourself, you need to allow them to be themselves, children learn not in words, you can read they have a lot of teaching, you are now an example, if you show them an example, because. there is no one more important for children than their parents, and they will, they will see an example, they will feel supported, well, the second thing is to give them quality affection, it is to give them the understanding that at any moment, at any time, no matter what happened, no matter what they do, you still love them, you understand them, then they feel safe, then cortisol and other anxiety will not develop, the second thing, on the other hand, you allow them to take risks, you allow them to make mistakes, you motivate them to move forward, but again in that area. which responds to them, uh, so i try to act like this with mine, this is a podcast of the psyche, today we are trying to understand how to be happy, see other episodes on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru, let's give practical advice on how to teach a child to be

happy, to be happy , give the child the right to choose and freedom, and the right to make mistakes, because many parents are anxious parents who do not let their children go and the child received a bad grade, what do we do to him? ok, got a bad grade, but what’s wrong, well, that is , what are the difficulties, don’t scold him, i don’t know, put him in a corner, yes, but figure out what the reason is, so draw the attention of parents to what is the strong part in for a child, this is precisely what it means to grow, and not to educate him, but this is not connivance, then it won’t work out that the child is happy only when he gets only what he wanted, here, give me this one, then he comes to work , they tell him: then look, this is what you need, this means this is a creative project, this is such a cool one we will still have such a cool task, but you will still need to do the calculations, he says, no, he says, this is what i’m taking, this is what i’m taking, and the reports will make me unhappy, i can’t afford it, no, we’re talking about a narcissist , yes, that is, such an egocentrist, you

say, you don’t have any craving for mathematics, don’t teach, child, above all, you don’t need to demand from your child to bring a’s in all subjects, let him bring c’s, calm down, and if you want. .. he just didn’t have any anxiety, because that the world into which he will then go out will not have this mother who gives him everything, and he will refuse to accept disappointment, teach, teach, the child, which means he signs up

every 2 months in a new section or in a new circle, every time says: that’s it, the most interesting thing is over, but this honeymoon, yes, take it, i’m deeply unhappy, well, of course that’s not what he says, he says: i’m tired of it , i’m tired of it, i’m hesitant, i don’t want to go there, and so it continues over and over again , a similar situation familiar to me, my youngest daughter is already managed to resemble chess and cheerleading. that it is useful to try different things, firstly, and as a person who went to a music school for a very long time and was deeply unhappy there, i want to help my children find what they really like, and if the eldest, my daughter goes to theater studio, i went, now i go to dances again, then the younger one seemed to have found it too, went there and...

often yes, as one of my students, a successful entrepreneur, once said, i no longer hire people under 30, that's why what great news, because people were still born in the soviet union, they have some kind of discipline, these are generations of children born who were raised in strict frameworks, they tried to create a very favorable environment for their children, and thanks to this, the children are not always capable of overcoming, there is even such a concept as the children of the winners, the children of the vanquished. here with children it’s exactly the same as in management, or rather the opposite, in managing people, the same with children,

on the one hand you must be very tough, set clear clear boundaries, do not humiliate, teach the child to set these boundaries, talk about the subject, the matter of behavior, but at the same time be quite soft and accepting, in my case, if a child comes with a bad mark, the child himself is upset, he’s just sometimes afraid of it show frustration, and the first thing to do is to help the child become a little happier than... the first basic thing is to learn to work with your emotions, learn to accept these emotions, but i’m upset, but i didn’t succeed in the second, the second important thing, which i’m also trying to teach my children, at least, and this happens all the time with bad students, that they didn’t give us this, they didn’t pass it, so i got the wrong option, and so on, i’m trying to teach, that a deuce is your deuce, responsibly terrible, yes, this is the result of your actions, let’s really discuss it with you now, and what can we do next time? so that you don’t get a bad grade, i won’t do your homework for you, i tell her, this is your task, i’ve never done homework at all with

children, i say, but if you have a question, you can come to me at any time and you and i will do it, even if i’m somewhere far away, i’m on a business trip, call me, write me a voicemail, send me a photo of it homework, she understands that she has support, she doesn’t close herself off from it, she may be afraid of teachers, maybe the teacher behaves in such a way that the child simply closes off, and you are trying to teach the child to cope with it, and i’m like pathological excellent student as a pathological excellent student, which is always 5:00, i look at my children and think, well, i probably don’t really want them to be like that, because i was an excellent student until i was 30, there’s this kind of self-doubt that you i have to constantly prove something to someone, so i’m trying to prevent this from happening, it seems to me that we have come to a very important moment, it’s already roughly clear how to learn to be happy, is it necessary to learn to be unhappy in some special way, and i would talk about getting the skill... to deal with it, andrey just said, yes, there is such a concept in psychology, containment, that is

, the containment of emotions, negative emotions, many parents themselves , unfortunately, do not know how to cope with difficulties, but i don’t know, well, the boss shouted or or someone stepped on them on his leg, well, figuratively speaking, but he had a fight with his husband and the man doesn’t know how to cope with these emotions, which he ends up living, and he doesn’t know where, he starts yelling at the dog. there is somewhere else to pour these emotions onto the child, but he doesn’t sit down, doesn’t write, doesn’t cry, doesn’t grieves, maybe gets angry or goes to a boxing match somewhere to pour out these negative emotions constructively, and he can’t teach this to the child accordingly, and the child doesn’t know, he’s afraid, he’s hiding alone, yes, the second one may be more protest, the fool himself tells the parent, well, figuratively speaking, now we are still more about emotions. and i’m more about such a long state, because there are people who, as they say, are a deeply unhappy person, and for him this is, well,

in general, part of his identification, to change thinking, again we are talking about the fact that happiness is a skill, the ability to be happy is a skill, and to change the thinking of a donkey when everything is bad, but to the fact that, again, you can see some positive moments in your life , what if a person feels good in this state? this is often such a manipulative strategy, look, this is the position of the victim, and what does the victim want, she wants attention, when you don’t give it to her, when i conduct group classes, and one... everything starts to go bad, oh well such an artist, but they immediately rush to help, you need to do this, that is , please, this is what andrey also said about the desire to help, and i help and i become happy, but this is not my true goal , well, that is

, behavior has been learned, there is a victim, i am a rescuer, i rush to help, and then i rake some more, because the victim says there: i helped incorrectly, well, figuratively speaking, this happens very often, so here you still need to remain aware, this is what, what, or what role a person plays, yes, or ask the question: i i understand correctly that you want me to help you, what exactly, everything is immediately error, error, he doesn’t understand, but what he wants, he understands that you should feel sorry for him, somehow some words say, continue, yes, that is, he does not ask himself, he does not know how to do this, please tell me words of support, yes, that is, he does not know how to ask, he manipulates, he believes that everyone should turn on like this at once. your formula for happiness, alexander lone’s quote suits me, it’s body-oriented therapist, happiness is the awareness of your growth, that is, it is not an end point, it is a path, again, it is development, growth, that is,

you compete only with yourself, with yourself, yeah, and your formula for happiness, my formula. this is to be here now, to accept everything that happens, everything that i cannot influence, to influence what i can influence, and to think in such a way as to distinguish one from the other, well, friends, let’s write down the formulas for our happiness experts, andrey shapenko, professor at the moscow school and skolkovo management, ilyana guseva, family provocative psychologist, we are pretty much closer to understanding how to be happy and how to be unhappy less often. podcast. happiness, this is home, these are loved ones, relatives, a synonym for the word harmony, oh, this is communication with children, their energy, i am charged by it, it’s very cool, we are often

confused, if someone sees us, everyone says: “oh, twins ". protect your children, raise them with dignity and honesty. noble and be an example to them. our main family values ​​are to tell each other the truth , always listen to each other, always understand, we were raised to always help people, our life is more comfortable because we are kinder. we want to confess our love to our native country. country, we love you. hello, you are watching precious stories and my presenters are sergei mikhailovich nikrasov, director of the all-russian pushkino museum, and ekaterina varkan, well, sergei

mikhailovich and i, when we meet, i often tell you about pushkin, and today will not be an exception, but we somehow noticed , what... but there are also two images, both of these images are in the collections of the all-russian pushkin museum, to be more precise, in our collections there is this particular painting by the artist pyotr petrovich konchalovsky, we see here pushkin at the moment of creative inspiration, and he is covered with this blanket,

a little like a tiger skin, and it seemed that's how it was supposed to be. from the very beginning, but however, in our funds there is also a photograph, a photograph of the first version of this painting, in this photograph pushkin is depicted as the artist decided to show him, as he really was, rather in total yes, because this pose, with his legs tucked under him, he is sitting on the sofa and the moment of creative inspiration that the artist showed so well here, of course, attracts attention to his appearance, to the poet’s face, to the very pen that pushkin holds, it is known that pushkin was very fond of nibbling the pens that were written to them, they all...

commissions, yes, who examined this picture, because we must remember that this is the beginning of the thirties, this is the first version of 1932, this was the beginning of preparations for big pushkinsky events in 1937, when there was a grandiose exhibition... in the historical museum, when there was a luxurious exhibition in the hermitage, and more broadly, in many countries, and the famous exhibition in paris in the pleele hall, everyone tried to show pushkin as interesting as possible, this work caused, as it is sometimes customary to say today, an inadequate reaction, because least of all they began to pay attention to pushkin and his inspiration, most of all to the fact that the poet’s legs...

are of such obligatory everyday use, chic and note, they are on ivory bone on the cane, pushkin is written on it, this cane is very interesting, the next one has an amethyst button. here it is a little blue in color, but in reality it plays with amethystvenom, especially in the light it looks completely different, so the first cane, alexander sergeevich, loved to walk, he was often seen in the summer garden with this cane, when the misfortune happened and pushkin had already died in duel, then this cane was given as a gift.

stayed with her and used her all the time, i must say that she is really very interesting, because on the one hand it is characteristic, as a typical thing of that time, at the same time, at the same time, the fact that pushkin’s name appears on this very, on this end of the cane on this on the ivory cane, emphasizes it. .. significance for us, because any thing that alexander sergeevich held in his hands, any thing seems especially important to us, it still retains the energy

of its owner, well, the second one is also, so to speak, no less significant and interesting, this is according to legend, cane with a button of peter i, by according to legend, there is a button inserted into the baldashnik, which abram petrovich hannibal kept and passed on to his descendants. yes, there is such a version that abram petrovich tore off a button from the uniform of peter the great, so it was kept in the family for a long, long time, and then alexander sergeevich took this button, put it here in the reed cane, with which he still loved to walk, it it’s really very elegant, light, pleasant to hold in your hands, although perhaps everything is not so clear here in the sense that this button is well... peter’s uniform, yes, all this is of course

very interesting, although, as far as i know, at the beginning of the 18th century under peter the buttons were smooth, this whole story with the fact that they were decorated with monograms or coats of arms and so on and so on, this whole story began somewhere at the end of the 18th century, when similar roses appeared. it means that here is an image, embossing on this seemingly pure, utilitarian object, under nicholas it simply blossomed into an unimaginable number of monograms, symbols, and signs, and so on, and so on, and so on, appeared on on canes, but nevertheless this is of course a wonderful item, if alexander

sergeevich pushkin believed... that this was an item that he inherited from his great-grandfather, abram petrovich, hannibal, godson of peter the great, well, you probably need to listen carefully to this. the third cane is wonderful, in my opinion, the most beautiful with an amethyst knob. well, here you are an expert in stones, so you have the cards in your hands, she is really very good, here she is standing here, the only thing i can repeat is that... i already said that she is in the light plays with many facets, it is very colorful and interesting, more interesting than what we see now, yes, and, but it is believed that amethyst in ancient greek means non-intoxicating, that is, it has the color of diluted wine, like the greeks drank , and as if he was such a talisman for people who did not become drunkards, so i will say, so pushkin, in general, avoided this, so to speak,

habit that existed.

and under shoes, and under socks, under everything, he also loved, was keen, he even wrote: i have a woman’s passion for these toys, but still less it was, but in fact, originally it was a cane, yes, in fact, initially it was as a weapon of defense, a cane, and i suddenly found out by chance that it turns out that there is fencing with canes, and what’s interesting is that it turns out -

in chisinau, because first memories and many, well, his acquaintances, they remember that he loved, so to speak, to walk around chisinau with this stick, our friend leprandi wrote that pushkin at first walked with pistols, again, the crime-prone situation was for purely protection, and then he got himself this stick and walked around with it to defend himself, he wrote to us that it weighs... 18 poods, that is, 8 kg

165 g, and this is, in fact, what it weighs, here we can also add that since at that time... there were quite a lot of dogs, which, naturally, could seriously attack any stranger, sometimes the cane was used for its intended purpose, to fight off dogs, but pushkin, as you remember, had one more task, he threw this cane and caught it, when they asked him why he was doing this, he he said that he was training his hand so that in a duel he could hold the pistol very firmly and not... miss, and in many ways he succeeded. you are watching precious stories, sergei nekrasov, ekaterina varkan. sergei mikhailovich, if we take a stick as a sports equipment, yes, then we can assume that

pushkin was generally characterized by sports hobbies, in such a large number, so to speak, in a great variety, we never particularly talked about this, but it seems to me that today it is quite possible to devote it to this. let's remember, here, after all, here, first of all, it must be said that - this began largely in the lyceum, because it was in the lyceum that there was a whole program, as we would say today, of sports of such sports education, which is not usually talked about, but this really extremely interesting, of course, there was the subject of fencing, where, by the way, pushkin was an excellent student, he fencing excellently, there was a subject related to equestrian sports, horse riding, although very... insignificant in scope, only for those lyceum students who wished to become officers, special officers teachers came from st. petersburg and taught them additionally, very seriously, horse riding, but manesh, who

was literally there 150 meters from the lyceum and its building is still preserved, of course, manesh remembers pushkin and kuchelbecker and many others, who are quite numerous there spent hours, in addition to this, which we rarely remember, there were other types of classes, physical exercises offered to the boys who studied at the tsarsko-seselsky lyceum, we all know, the large main hall of the lyceum, they took place there solemn ceremonies, the opening of the lyceum, there was a lyceum exam, when the sovereign came and pushkin was crowned, one might say, with the laurels of a great one, this raises the question, a huge hall, and that it was used there once every 3 years, not at all, when the ceremonies they passed by, the furniture was taken out of the hall, a thick carpet covered the parquet floor

of this large hall, and they did gymnastic exercises there, so that was also the case, the university too, yes, and if you came out. to the park, then you would see there simply, as they would say today, sports complex, because on a huge expanse of a pink field, not far from the oryol gate in catherine park, where there really was a field strewn with roses, back in kent, aninsky at one time in one of his beautiful poems dedicated to the tsar’s village exclaimed, there were roses, there were roses , but in pushkin’s time there were no more roses, there was a field. given to lyceum students, there they were engaged in outdoor games, games with a sword. moreover, pushkin, as you know, wrote such a very specific poem gavriliad, and so in this time gavriliada he

just in one of the digressions, turning to his friends, asking, do you remember, friends, that pink field, and not only did they walk there and rejoice in life at will, he is specific there, gives names, that - who was more successful, those who are less successful, that is, it was normal, it was natural, and so the guys came running around that they needed to take a shower, there was no shower, but especially for them , by order of emperor alexander i, a swimming pool was organized, in the very place where today there is just a bow , he goes down to the lake and there stands on the very shore of the lake, the famous girl with...

swam when he lived at the kitaev dacha in 1831, when he brought natalya nikolaevna to tsarskoe selo, he began the day by going to alexander park in the morning. and there he was also swimming in these ponds, when i remembered that pushkin was excellent at sailing a boat, apparently in mikhailovskoye, again, we always remember mikhailovskoye, where he was free to go on boats to swim, so he invited girls to go for a ride with him , i thought what could be done here is absolutely a wonderful selection of his hobbies in mikhailovsky, which were not alien to sports, and the st. petersburg artist helped me here, igor shimordanov, he at one time painted a wonderful series of works.

such a cheerful mood that even the dog gets drunk, the key question arises, where is the mug connected with arina radionovna, and there is an answer to this question too, look, we know that pushkin was a good shooter, he loved to shoot in the cellar, so the baron loved breaking ice, right here, means it’s really your favorite pastime, remember how he, turning to wulf, said: hello wulf, my friend, come to me in the winter, and the language poet... with you, and one of those

temptations, one of those temptations, was to shoot a pistol, yes, but the artist suggested that besides swimming, it means that pushkin was excellent at skating, which , by the way, is quite possible, that’s how fun it is in the winter, wearing sharp iron on his legs, so that all the boys cut the ice, yes, then no wonder he was a hobby and luge, pushkin, how unexpected it turned out that it was also quite. so to speak, it fits in, there is a wonderful picture, pushkin, there is a wonderful attachment, no, but there is, when he is trying to take up aeronautics, even, you know, tried to fly, look how wonderful it is, and of course, one cannot say so, not to pay attention to such a wonderful intellectual game as cards, that’s who didn’t know, the olympic committee recognized bridge as a sports game, this was typical of pushkin, which means it was a hobby, and even i would say, he was here, in general, the first, not

the last, for sure, yes, he was also lost, yes, yes, but apparently, you know, maybe he the muse was whispering something at that time , and that means he was confused all the time, and not everyone, that is, dared to play with him, for fear of offending, that is, a great contemporary, well, natalya nikolaevna they say that he won at chess, sometimes, chess is also , in general, an intellectual sport, yes, he believed that it should definitely be played. there is still a chess table in the living room at moika 12 in the apartment, and we remember this every time on a tour and talk about it in some detail, one chance for three, it will start with crazy, everyone will start running back and forth, we will have a few seconds to pick up our son, she stole him, this russian takes everything she wants, the premiere is tomorrow after the program time. yes, my russia will say, yes, and

we are united forever, like the sun, air and water all together, the most russian hit will wash away the sad soul, and let my heart ache for those whom i do not ask to breathe and believe from a wounded heart, yes, this my fight. until the last moment my goal is bad, even if my goal is bad, it’s not like that yet, the heart beats and gets better, our eternal memory is sung with strength in our chests, tiers, i go to the end, i am russian. sham, i'm russian.