in an intimate circle, i don’t want leonid papagatta’s wedding to suddenly have a random guest, even from high society.

all of neapal knows and palermo knows, even the riba stones know that we can’t live without each other, everything happens in life, everything happens in life, old love, it’s such a thing. everything will heal, fidelity will heal everything, even the heart of joy and doubt, torment, the hour will come to be heard, the hour will come to say goodbye, but for now we don’t know the heights. separation, naples is amazed,

palermo is shocked, even the stones of rome silently managed to be surprised, unusually, unusually, after 20 years, it’s a scandal to suddenly get married, that’s it. will heal everything, heal fidelity, even the heart, wounds and doubts, torment, the hour will come to melt, the hour will come to say goodbye, but while we are alive, we don’t immediately give up.

hello, this is a podcast for the profession. i’m larisa surkova, a psychologist and mother of seven children, today anastasia came to ask me, hello, hello, what brought you here, tell me, lately it began to seem that children devalue everything that my husband and i do for them, and so this began to create certain problems in discipline, in activities and in our actions with my husband, and i understand that even though i work with finances...

but i need help, because in relation to children i am still a mother, and a person needs a person, so i decided to ask a psychologist, children, there are several of them, to come to an agreement with my own children, uh-huh, can you remember a recent story, wow, this began to be observed very often with constructors, that is , a constructor, well, in my opinion, this is that thing , so you took out this set, put it together, enjoyed it, tidied it up, then you take it out,

play, but here they immediately brought it, unpacked it, tore it apart, scattered it, lost it, that’s it, buy a new one, and what measures have you already taken? i collected the entire construction set in one bag, and said that you will receive it in a week, and you will disassemble it yourself, that is, these are some small construction sets, more parts, everything in one bag, that is, it looks like one big mess , which you have to work hard on, and a week passes, and the children forget about this toy, that they like it, they want it and return it back, yeah, that is, it turns out that my punishment was reduced to zero, the child did not understand anything, okay, then let’s figure it out together, now everything will be the other way around, i will tell you, and you will ask me if something is clear or unclear, let's start from the very end, you just said such a phrase

that you yourself created about children, but you yourself created this situation, that your designer left there or some kind of thing of yours, some toy went into the dressing room, in fact, it was created by the parents. we now find ourselves in a world where there is even a phrase “all the best for children.” each country has its own foundation, someone there allows children up to 5 years old everything, then drives them into strict limits, as, for example, in japan, in european hot countries, children are squeezed, loved, allowed a lot, then again, it turns on strict discipline, borders, muslim countries generally have their own characteristics of raising children, so we went through such an evolution literally in... 100 years. after the end of the great patriotic war, at first the main treasure was the man, because that there were very few of them, when there were a lot of men, suddenly, unexpectedly, after the nineties , a child becomes a value. parents are under pressure from a huge number of books

and theories of education. you just happened to be one of those parents who fell under this slogan: all the best for children, give your child what you didn’t have, now it’s mostly parents. modern kids, you can even talk to your friends about this topic, our viewers can talk, the child has no dreams, so you ask what what your children want, you asked them what they wanted, i asked, they show, for example, some different instructions, or that’s how it happens before. yeah, my husband and i probably have a break in the pattern, because it’s easy to own, but why buy it then, come to the store, look,

create, we once had a moment when we decided, what if a child wants to wear clothes, this it’s also great, collecting, when we decided to support it and bought something and... from the same series, the child wanted the next, next, next, and we understood, that our experiment did not work, that is, everything did not go in the direction we wanted, this moment, to own, that the child wants something just to own, while he does not play, scatters, tears, in relation my husband and i probably have a separate obsession with books, when we glued these library books there, we all got these books. them, this phrase that everything is best for children, we , as you said, it’s more about us than we implement it, and this leads to very simple consequences, yes, at 7 years old reasons

the investigative connection has not yet been formed, it will be a little later, in another two, three years, they will understand and be able to draw simple conclusions that if the bag is gone. to the dressing room, he will never return from there, that’s it, you won’t have this, yes, that is , a relationship will be formed, now it’s still early, it’s unclear, especially if a situation suddenly arises that she does return here. or that they know that it is there, because if we promise that a thing leaves us, it really leaves us, and we are now we’ll talk about this separately, but this is our desire, to give all the best to children, how it is fixed in them, now we already see this in the generation of those who are 20 and a little older, they become extremely infantile, because we send this message to children we inform you that all the best is for children, an equal sign, never to grow up. don’t grow up, my friend, why do you need to grow up, you will lose all the best, because all the best is for children, this is the first story, if we

don’t want to raise extremely infantile people who will never come to this yours desired achievement, well, we don’t give them a chance, why, they already have everything, why should they dream about something, they remain in this infantile position for very many years, they don’t want to grow up, they want to be tied to their parents in order to so that they have everything. the first story, the second story is more individual about your family: you constantly compare yourself with your husband, with your children you get the feeling that you are doing it for yourself, and the model of trying to compare yourself with them is utopian, since we do not we compare in psychology, but we don’t compare people with each other, we compare a person throughout his life, how he changes, whether he has productivity, but all the time , even in our thoughts... allow this story, which is what we dreamed of, and we were careful, and we glued books, but we didn’t have, we

would like, it’s useless, you will only be more upset by this and not get any results in the educational process, because your children are not you, moreover, your children are most likely already clearly reading these moments that are traumatic for you, they can someday use them as a weapon and in interaction with you, understanding that... mom might be upset now if i throw this toy, yes, that means i’ll throw this toy now, so that my mother will be angry, or vice versa, my mother won’t buy me something, uh-huh, what can i do, i’ll go and say, well, that means you don’t love me, you don’t buy it for me, everyone has it, but i don’t, and i need these 23 sets here for instructions, so that i can feel my significance, including within the family, yes, because they buy me everything i want. concatenation, the story is very sad, a person always needs to dream about something, as soon as

we lose a dream, as soon as we lose a desire, our life becomes extremely sad, sad, and in children this is even more pronounced, especially in crisis periods of life, which yours are now entering, there is a 7-year crisis ahead, for the girl it will begin a little earlier, maybe you are already observing something in the boy a little later, this is the crisis that we are told: if possible, in a common space or on some common shelf, where, that is, we need

to reconsider the room altogether, let's start with this, so you arrive, return home, sit down with the children, say, here we have a room, the psychologist said, that it makes sense for us to divide it into clear areas of responsibility, that's it, guys, 7 years old, school is coming soon, soon you will have different friends, different interests, different toys. there are orphanages that accept toys that are in good condition or in perfect condition,

maybe there is another format specifically, but we can’t put it there like this, because no one will understand this bag, this is a very interesting psychological experiment in a good way, because firstly, children usually get involved, they are ready to share, in this they are they like to participate when we talk to them. this is necessary, it is not necessary, that is, they learn to make decisions for themselves, that is, we have this chain: summer is coming, we are growing up, we are putting things in order in your room, now dad and i are helping you, but in... in the future you are it you will do it yourself, in order for you to feel comfortable in this room, we must share it, in order to start a new life, you need to clear as much space as possible, you will never, we will not be able to, it will be very difficult for us to create a desire in them, in general dreams, desires, goals, if they have everything, in general you need to move as far as possible from

the material to the emotional, there is...

a leaf, we have a new year soon, it’s right around the corner, before the new year we will decide which of these we need to give you , then you are not buying this entire list, that is, what you need to understand, the list depreciates at the same speed as the purchased item, when the occasion comes, you sit down with them and talk, so we choose, okay, considering that you have a new year - march 9, and then we have another one. months of joyless life, well, come on september 1, first grade, a wonderful occasion, have a holiday, this is a holiday of transfer of responsibility, when you set the table, put on the cake, you tell them that yes, that’s it, school, your responsibility, so great, you are great , the day before, please ask them we choose, at this moment it would be nice to indicate the budget, say, guys, we have

3,000 from grandma, we choose, it’s good to put price tags in advance, well, your first contact with such financial literacy, but they need to make their first choice, they need to come buy or be happy that they got it, because firstly, it was their own choice, and secondly, they had to fit into a basic budget, this is a very important story, this is such a first step towards understanding the value of money. but no more, now we can agree with you, new year, march 9, september 1, that’s enough, we treat gender holidays purely symbolically, you get something like this, well, equally divided, and about every 3-4 months, since this year we have already tried to put this system into practice, when here is the money, the budget , let’s

choose, accept, and make a choice, but this moment, what to do with your own hands, then... i used to do it even as a child, that is , we didn’t have the habit of buying something like this, we really did something ourselves , this moment is just about flowers, making a cake and so on, we do this little, from the point of view of gifts, to celebrate something, we really do little of this, in fact it is very important, because time will pass, 10 years will pass, you will ask the child what they gave you for ... his 7th birthday, he won’t tell you, because this thing doesn’t mean anything to him, it’s one thing in a thousand, and the way he went with you there, i don’t know, on a hike and fried bread over a fire, the way she was there, yes, the way she made cakes with her mother and doused herself in some chocolate, then, what effect did this cake have on dad,

the way she first saw, opening her eyes on march 8, that dad and brother brought her coffee in bed, this... something that remains forever, nothing material from the huge list remains, of course, if it’s a big dream, well , let’s say, i don’t know, they dreamed of a dog for 5 years, then they got a puppy, yes, it’s an emotion, but another car, another designer, they don’t mean anything at all, their number needs to be minimized, minimized as much as possible and come up with a system right away storage, because what you are talking about is a separate fact that is traumatic for you. that means you bought a construction set, bought a container, that’s it, yes, there’s a container, okay, this is your construction set, i’ll shovel shovels in there, that’s it, take it, go take it to your zone. which we have allocated, this is not in your brother’s zone, not in the common zone, in your own zone, put this constructor, it would be nice to remind you periodically that you remember how you dreamed about it,

oh, how great it will probably work out collect it, maybe you need help, yes, because for a child, when he looks at a complex toy, it is even positioned this way, it is even advertised as a way to spend time together with a parent, and he is waiting, perhaps for this help, perhaps she thinks that you will help her at this moment, or maybe, in general, there is a designer in your desires, you come to the store together, it’s great to do this together, you come to the store and say: yes, here it is, this designer, no problem, we can buy it, but look, here here is a game that we can play with the whole family, here it is here i don’t know, something interesting came out for creativity, we can also spend time here together, because any material thing is just... accompanying material for the emotions with which it is associated, maybe offer them, you know, forms of exchange, okay, masha has this, and you have this, let you and masha

invite each other to exchange for a week, bring it to her in kindergarten, she will take your construction set, and you will take her construction set, you will play with this thing , such a desired one, which you have added to your list, you will understand that it is for you in general, please tell me, they go to the garden, and they do something else, maybe they have some clubs, you were there at the beginning about... teaching materials, i was a little tense, not too much, methodological materials - this is probably, i just don’t know what it’s called, these are various development tools, like simulators, sometimes notebooks, with various exercises, there are some kind of neuro simulators, they are always called in a clever way, but the point is that it’s just fun exercises to develop logic, that’s it categories, by the way, this is also one point. as for material things, i can’t say that we buy a lot from one category, but it turns out that i bought, for example, some developmental notebooks, because i see that we have interesting puzzles, and then there are for

creativity there, let’s say a couple some sets, because he tells his daughters: i like creativity, here is a set, well, i don’t buy it right away, let’s say, let’s say, okay, there are salaries, let’s look at it, let’s take something, some there is technology.

that they give up everything, why does this happen? we refused to pay for these subscriptions because we started having problems with discipline, because this turned out to be the extreme point when i stopped delivering the program, it feels like we have reached a dead end with these situations, with discipline, with agreements, with cleaning the room, and i realized that... we need to go back to the beginning, to the beginning without toys, without these, without everything, start talking to the children, and i explained to them why i was doing this, what we were renting for a month vacation, because they began to disrupt training, they began to, well, indulge, do whatever they want, and i understand that, that is, contact with the child is lost, that is , something is happening inside him, why he is disrupting training, that is it would be one thing if he didn’t like it, at least the two of them were doing the same thing, but... at ufp it was so that they started walking together and they were there, and my daughter once broke her brother’s nose there, due to the fact that he teased her, it’s time to separate them, well, considering

such a nuance cannot be not very common for our viewers, but for you it’s time to separate them into a hobby, they were separately, and then due to the fact that there are many sections and this takes a lot of time and so that there is no layering of training, well, in what way, what... so that the child there was time to play, be in your room, that is, we started to optimize, so we finally connected them, but then i realized that you really need to be in this beautiful room that you like so much, or is this still your desire so that they themselves talk about it, that is, we had a moment when they say: we we want to do something there, okay, i want this, this, we looked at it in the process of building a training schedule, and then at some point i, i don’t remember, or stasuli. they said, mom, i want to play, yeah, that is, i realized that our schedule is built in such a way that the child is no longer enough, both were sent to play or the one from whom there was a request, from whom?

a little hyper, a lot of everything, you want coloring books, a lot, you want a construction set, a lot, let's train, different ones, no, didn't notice, i wouldn't she said that it’s a lot, i would know how i outlined this point, there’s also no need to go on a diet in this regard, so my question is that there’s only one coloring, one section, so everything is one at a time, two at a time, a little, and why then everything and the section became so crowded.

something for families, for traditions, to buy a game, perhaps my mistake was that it was with a minimal time difference, and for them it turned out to be everything at once, in fact, if you look at the categories, this is the one, the only , we buy different things in duplicate, but there are only two of them, then there is one notebook by stas, it’s clear, well, the handouts are clear, but why are there games in

duplicate? general, i mean that for the most part it turns out that we buy two things each, but for children it looks like a big pile of things that mom brought, that is, because some things, for example, come at once, then another something, they don’t see this division, that this is a game - it’s separate, a creative set is for creativity, the son just plays football, before that he also did roller skates and continues to play football now and... he was also punished, we took a vacation, i didn’t call it punishment, i actually, that was the moment when the children and i, when they understood me, i say, you and i have problems, we argue, mom is a dragon, dad also gets into a dragon when he comes after work, we can’t agree, but this is how we want it to be in our family, the children are like, well, no, this is not very cool, i

i just can’t understand why you gave them sports, why you deprived them of clubs, what kind of vacation? a very strange option for a vacation when you are deprived of something important, man, yes, i can understand that they took out the entire room, even down to the bare walls, removed all the toys, removed all the books, removed all the development tools, why did they remove what was true, a priority for them, because when the coaches started saying that the child was crying, the child was not the coach’s problem. he’s an adult there, it’s almost like a teacher will call you in the middle of the working day and say: listen, mom, come to kindergarten, you have children here quarrel, solve the problem with them, but this is strange, this also happens, this is also strange, this is a question that if he tells us, it means that we have to do something, no, they tell you because they understand that you are such parents, excellent students, now the parents, excellent students, will come and subordinate the children to us, it will be convenient for us, the coach, an adult, wants him to be comfortable, so that everything is like this, oops,

let's run, oops! we jump, oh, in kindergarten everyone should also be comfortable, this is some kind of question of not building boundaries with these adults, because sometimes we just don’t we understand, where are the boundaries in relation to children, because children are in the garden for 8 hours, then let’s go to training, during training i try not to look, not to be there, because this is the time of the child, his formation, his development, then yes, i'm leaving, then you can tell me how the training went. in general, the paid time was left behind, this is the work of a coach, a person is 7 years old, maybe not 2 years old, and we can’t always track this moment, where in relation to sports and training, where are we, where are our boundaries as parents, and what should we explain, show, tell, do, influence, i don’t know what, what, what to do, what we

should... on our part, and we don’t always understand where the line is in relation to children, yeah, and we turn again, probably, here uh, with my husband, we always have an agreement since pregnancy itself, i say, we should be with you. on the one hand, we must agree, because otherwise the children will begin to have this split, and the good will begin to be bad, and so on, the children quickly read this, and then i come with my husband, start talking, when we, well, let us they complained about some situations, told what was wrong, that you should do something, they don’t always say that we are contacted accordingly. into myself and i think why not go to a psychologist, for example, we probably start with ourselves, if we can’t cope, we go to a psychologist, that is, i was, yes, i went to the child psychologist twice in our kindergarten, because

well, from the category a person needs a person, i say, i don’t deduce the program, and at the same time i don’t want to quarrel with the child either, because i want him to still be an adult came to me for support. i had such an experience, they helped, if not with everything, but they gave recommendations on how to experiment at home, maybe create some kind of tradition or what to pay attention to, sometimes they said, no need, there’s no need to do anything here, and we were like, okay, don’t, don’t, let’s abstract ourselves, reach an agreement with my husband, this is very good advice, i’ll tell you now too, when the coach tells you: do something, you tell him, thank you, definitely, definitely. but for you this means it’s not necessary, because it’s his area of ​​responsibility, you entrusted the child, he is taking care of your child, he is 7 years old, he has the right to get tired, he has the right to do what he is told for 10 minutes, then

go crazy and relieve himself of the tension that he received, then further follow the training program, that is, your task is to save face, be as polite as possible, say, thank you, dear comrade, thank you for informing, in no case can sports, sports, health, nutrition, education be a punishment, because we can in the end it will only cause more harm, moreover, the child will take it as a tool to control you, that is, he will understand that i’m tired of music school, i’ll go and scatter everything, my mother will say, that’s it, let’s clean up the music school, because we have something there is no order at home here, i’m exaggerating, but now, of course i wouldn’t want it that way. yes, but the line is clear, yes, i’m exaggerating, but the line is clear, that is , there are things that we do not touch and think about rebuilding, firstly, the boundaries between ourselves and the children, the child and i, my childhood, my the past, my thoughts are generally different stories,

these are like different continents, we cannot come here with our samovar and establish rules here that would have been comfortable for us in our childhood, many years have passed, they are generally completely... different, we separate the twins, by the age of seven it’s time, we separate them as directly as possible, we don’t try to mix them into one heap, on the contrary, we help them make adjustments, why, because they themselves will mix, my daughter sometimes tells me, i want my own room, i say, sorry, but of course we will look into the issue, but after many years, it’s just when i say, about cleaning, i say, it needs to be cleaned, but this is also relevant to the question, yes. about a shared toy, that this was a blur, because we don’t know how to react, how to share, he says: i want my own room, and again i don’t know how to answer her to this, but definitely, someday you will grow up, you will have your own room, when you set

goals for yourself, you will be able to earn money, we will probably try to help if we have such an opportunity, but today we have there is an opportunity to live in our beautiful apartment, in our nice, cozy, comfortable family, do you have it? a value that many are deprived of, you have a brother, and a brother who is your twin with you on the same wavelength, a very, very close person to you, enjoy this advantage, offer them a search for solutions, children all the time find some very unusual things in kindergarten as part of our conversation, that is, i came to talk about stas, well, about his situation, but since adela is always in the background, accordingly, not according to... anyway, mostly of course they spend time together in the same group, she also expressed a version, she says, maybe they’re just tired of each other for now, but they’re always together, they spend very little

time separately, because everything it’s equally important to introduce a tradition, we introduced it, but for the most part - as it turns out, bring two people to kindergarten, take two people out of kindergarten. and if during, well, let’s say, a doctor’s visit, then there are these household things, we won’t get anywhere, but at least during the day off and i i also started talking to them about training. that i have to drag two of them, although i’m training alone, because i say, i can’t do it yet, i’m like a parrot, for a few, probably three months, i can’t, i can’t leave one for now, i can’t leave one, well, recently they began to understand that yes, i will sit bored, because you can’t leave me, so use this time for effective time with the second one, who is not busy with anything, it’s the right time to read a book with him . some story for him tell me, i don’t know, just

pat him on the head, do something else, don’t leave at this moment, maybe use your phone to solve some work issues, you have 40 minutes alone with this child, you don’t even need to why spend a day off, divide it into two parts, now you have him alone, come up with it, tell me, let’s figure out how you and i will spend these 40 minutes, what do you want to do, maybe he just wants to hug and sit in his arms, and this can be, offer options all the time, use this.

this is very good, this is wonderful, you will meet him in a different mood with your second child, because you also spent this time effectively, without whining that your football is finally over there, with joy, yes, that we are glad that you are now with us if you join, it’s a question of effective time, which, by the way, has already ended, so we’ll also wrap it up. thank you for coming today, i hope that it was useful to you, it was useful, i believe that you gave so much food for thought, so much food for experimentation - to the question of about how we need to work, not with children, but with ourselves, because we very often focus on them, that here, here like this, here like this, here like that, and then we start to feel another feeling on top of them to push the blame there, that you don’t appreciate it that way, we ’re trying here, we’re doing it. come back to us again,

this is this moment, i kept thinking that i should try less, actually no, now i’m listening as we talk, i understand that i’m focusing on the wrong thing, now you suggested several such ideas, simple, banal, and even impossibilities about common toys, these nuances, which, i think, over time, even, i just directly see and feel, and even myself... it makes it easy that this firstly, it’s easy to do, nothing, that is, it’s easy to agree, children will understand it, accept it, because they like such experiments, they feel like adults at this moment, and that this will minimize this when there is time left, rude speaking, for pleasant things, and not for such bad things, when they fight more, well, i'm glad that i was useful to you, if you have a question that you want to ask me, you can do this on the website of the first channel. i was with you, larisa surkova, podcast ask

surkova, see you, if you want to come to me for a consultation, here in the studio, fill out the form on the channel one website, i will be happy to help you. hello, the program is on air, in the studio ekaterina andreev, the main event of the day. in the spotlight of ukraine, the results of negotiations in moscow between vladimir putin and viktor orban, prime minister of hungary, which currently chairs the council of the european union. five liberated

settlements. attacks on the airfield of the ukrainian armed forces, fuel storage and arsenals. the main thing for the week is about the progress of the special operation and a report about how our defenders took a village in the kharkov region without firing a single shot. second round of presidential elections in iran. who will win, a conservative or a supporter of reforms, and the new british prime minister, keir starmer, the leader of the laborites who won the parliamentary elections. new life for bama in the irkutsk region at lena station was opened ultra-modern station, why it is especially important for the baikal amur mainline. at the mercy of the elements, bad weather in the capital region, thunderstorm, hail, flooded streets, we will show the most striking shots and a forecast of what to expect next, performances, promenades, special projects, a meeting with directors and french lessons, tolstoy’s festival in yasnaya polyana, the home of the classic,

whose works relevant now. main event. in the kremlin, the leaders discussed a whole range of issues, one of the main ones being the ukrainian crisis, and also made a statement to the press. with details, our correspondent, anastasia kobazeva. as soon as the plane of the hungarian prime minister landed at the capital's airport, viktor orban published a post with the inscription "the peace mission" continues, but as the press secretary of the russian president noted before the negotiations,...

viktor orban saw each other last fall at the forum one train one way in beijing, enough time has passed, many questions have accumulated, especially since the prime minister of hungary was in kiev just a couple of days ago, where he outlined his peace initiatives. and more specifically, cease fire and then begin negotiations with moscow. zelensky rejected these proposals. from the first of july, budapest took over the leadership of the council of the european union for six months. and it is a peaceful settlement. orban identified ukraine as the most important point of the hungarian presidency. i understand that this time you have arrived not only as our long-time partner, but also as the chairman of the european council. we will, i hope, have the opportunity to exchange views on building bilateral relations in this difficult situation. and, of course, talk about

prospects for the development of the european, the largest european crisis.

the trade turnover there is more than 35%, but in general there is something to work on and something to discuss? negotiations behind closed doors lasted several hours, it is also known that putin and orban talked tetat, as the russian leader has repeatedly emphasized, moscow stands for the final end of the conflict, but kiev is not ready to give up

waging war to a victorious end.