when they say that karida is bloody, that she exploits death, therefore it should be banned in a civilized society, they forget or want to forget. that in the ancient ritual of the bull buoy that has come down to us, a message has been preserved about the real current state of the world to the human soul immersed in it, and those who are still dissatisfied with their reflection were answered by the great spaniard, hase artega y gaset. things in themselves are neither good nor evil; good and evil lie in our desire or unwillingness to desire them.

hello dear viewers, are you watching? podcast lab with you its host tatyana krasnovskaya, psychologist, psychotherapist psychologist psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest today. love, hello, love, hello, tell us what you came to us with? i came with this request, it sounds like this: why do i always feel inadequate in some things, despite the fact that there are certain successes in life, there is a happy family, my husband and i have been together for 8 years, and there is a business, successful, profitable, and at the same time , looking at the feeds from... social networks some kind of comparison of yourself with someone begins , the feeling that something is missing, something you haven’t completed, well, probably in the language of psychotherapy it’s called impostor syndrome, well, as i understand it, here’s how to work with it, what to do with it, if it is possible,

of course, or how, what exercises can be done in order to cope with this syndrome and so that it probably works in favor. so that i could use it and somehow transform it, on the contrary, it helped me and gave me some kind of resource, and did not steal energy and so on. have you tried not to look at social networks? it’s difficult, it’s difficult, well, you need to keep everything under control, and what do you control by browsing social networks? the successes of my friends, well, somewhere i tell myself, i turn on such a cartoon, that i train observation. well, i need to look at how people are, how people are, well, it seems to me that i need observation of what? observation of content, in order to also create high-quality content, because i have now taken up such a fashion story as the development of a personal brand, since this

helps there to sell more efficiently and better, all this is very implanted in society, but in principle i like it, i like blogging, i like telling people about... what i know, what i did, but nevertheless , of course, there is some kind of addiction, but why does it have a million views, yes, i have a thousand, and of course, this also somehow affects self-esteem, and what do you do professionally, professionally, and i have a business, there are five private kindergartens in moscow, that is, your business in this sense has nothing to do with social networks, with the story of your personal brand, of course not, although... i have stories when people came to my kindergarten because they follow my blog and they are there on their blog you talk about what is happening in your kindergartens or what is happening in your personal life, in general i talk more about business, yeah, that is, if i look at your blog, at best

i will have a, i don’t know, question, request , thought, desire to get to know you so that open a kindergarten, well, most likely open a business, because any, you are saying that... you have impostor syndrome, how is it expressed, what is the very idea of ​​suffering? that i would like to go out, well, i have the business that i have, it is a franchise, it is franchising, that is, in fact, i have five kindergartens, but i am not the face of this company and i have a request for to sort of open your own, yeah, but there is a huge fear that your own kindergartens or some other business won’t important, yeah. business and what confuses you about your impostor syndrome, that it constrains me to move forward, how are you sitting now, talking to us, how is your impostor syndrome constraining you, well, i ’m not doing anything, i mean, well, i i’m not taking

any steps to get this started, let’s call it that, but you understand what strategic steps need to be taken, i generally understand, yeah. it’s clear that everything there is built according to the same model, but i’m very scared that, well, i don’t know if it’s worth saying so rudely, well, it won’t work everyone will point their finger at me, that this is how she is, it would be better if she sat and worked for her uncle, why did she even try to do this, who will say that, the people around, well, what kind of people, what kind of people are there... then specific people bother you, but i was thinking about this. it seems to me that these are always some kind of adult figures, parental figures, and it seems to me that this is my grandmother, who knows nothing at all about business, yes, who, yes, does not even live in this country, and i just always remembered

when i moved, when i came to to visit my grandmother, i always had a desire for some kind of celebration to be held in my honor, well, how well done i am. and so you understand, this never happened, i had it, it was such an internal disappointment when i think, well, i went to moscow, i achieved results there. well, why doesn’t she meet me with a loaf of bread? and i’m great, because i succeeded in something, well, yes, because i succeeded, i left, well, grandma always said such things, where i was born, it worked there, well, that’s quite well-known expression, when i was leaving, she told me that you would come back in rags, yeah, when you come back you’ll still be sitting on our necks and so on. and the like, it’s better to sit and not go anywhere, but you proved the opposite, proved the opposite,

but there is no recognition, no, and you did the opposite, not the way she wanted, well , the opposite, yes, well, that’s it and what should she admit, if she wanted you to come back in rags, but you didn’t come back in rags, why do you expect that she should, that is, she should admit that she was wrong, well how, well, yes, i would like her to admit that she was wrong, why, why does she need this? well , 70 plus, well, they added 10 years, they subtracted , or rather, well, she’s sitting there looking and saying: well, you’re only 30, at 45 you’ll come back in rags, you’ll be 45, he’ll say, well, you know how after 50 life will twist you, you’ll cry and you will come back with your tail between your legs, well, that is, she will always have this idea that she will still be right anyway, but why. you want them to admit that you not only succeeded, but that they also were they’re wrong, well, the dependence is probably on

the recognition of the public from the public to me, well, let’s just depend on their opinion, yes, that’s how it was formed, why did you suddenly decide to play this game, like i’ll prove it to you all, it seems to me , that these are some kind of completely childish stories when, well, i now remember the period when i made some attempts and... they said, well, you see, we said, well, it wasn’t worth trying, and apparently, i still have such a rebellious nature , she took over, and i decided to prove something to someone, in fact i understand i really didn’t succeed, adults that they don’t care at all, but i feel very bad about it, and i suffer from the fact that i don’t get that recognition,

as if not with my life, well, there is a feeling, yes, that someone needs -to show someone something, to show that you have a good, good life, a good business, a good husband, although there is a demand for honesty and to be honest, but it feels like people don’t want you to be honest, and you showed a beautiful picture of your life, how you drive a cool car and generally... no you have no worries, and what kind of people don’t want you, these are your inner circle, these

are some friends, nevertheless, i want to understand, this is what i should do next in this life, because there is already some kind of business, but i want something more, i want some kind of greater realization, well, i probably want to prove something to myself, that well, i can do it, you have a good car, well, am i satisfied? you have a good car, so do i, but why are you answering me in a way that suits you? there are better cars, of course, but i didn’t ask this question, you have the best car, lyuba, you have a good car, a good car, yes, but mine is better, how do you feel, curiosity, what else, interest, compare, exactly, what difference does it make to you, what kind of car i will have, well, you said that yours is better than mine, i said, i just said, now i’m interested, but let’s say you satisfy your interest. what is really better, that then the next time you and i meet, things will be

better for me, be prepared, look, it turns out that some kind of emotion is born there, it is very looks like anger, yes, let’s assume this same anger is exactly there , it would just have the opposite effect, if my car is worse, really, well, like, now, but pay attention to the fact that i asked you a question, is it good? you are a machine, the answer is very... simple, good, bad, you tell me, it suits me, thus, wanting, well, how to stop my dialogue with you in comparative categories.

oh my good ones, how are you doing here? shukshin, this is the password of good literature, character, close your eyes, why, well, close your eyes, well, mother in the usa, everyone thought that they could move it like some kind of piece on the chessboard, and then at some point

they realized that they wouldn’t succeed, so what? what, i don’t know how to behave, some kind of unattainable thing, to exist in the frame as the main character and also be a director, this is a rare, very rare gift, oh, if i were in your place, i would make such a film, you what, hero, they should have broadcast it on the radio, but our headphones don’t work, but what about they launched me to the moon, shukshin is something that cannot be overestimated, pushkin is everything, shukshin is everything for me too, where?

and i’ll probably be right if i assume that your car is, well, better than the car of 80 percent of almaty residents. this is a fact, a fact. and so they meet you, they all gathered together, all these residents of this city at the crossroads, by chance, here you are, in short, everyone knows you. yes, everyone knows you, where you come from, what dirt you come from, it’s like a prince here, yes, your feelings, i feel sorry for them, but why do i feel sorry for them? "well, i want to possibly let someone down, uh-huh, well, the most normal thing, but probably it’s this kind of ego that is just like, i’m just a beauty, well, there’s this pity for them, arrogant in the sense, yes, arrogance and a certain one, but at the same time you don’t want to look arrogant, that’s not very

good, there is some kind of feeling to help them or something? ". this is to earn money, but in any case, pay attention, a whole range of feelings and emotions appears, although it would seem, why would they be there, why, uh-huh, well, for what, she, well, it’s not necessary, but i have there is an assumption that these feelings seem to protect you, but what if a person, one of these people asks you: lyuba, how did you buy this car? but otherwise, i would say that this is a very interesting question, and the story is very... to be honest, not yet, i wouldn’t tell it, because this is generally a story of great faith, when you have 100,000 rubles, you’re like: yes, i’ll buy myself this car, it doesn’t matter that it costs 3.5 million. well, yes, and you do it, yeah, well, that’s the story, but still, it’s like pay attention attention, but in this story there seem to be no

progressive steps of yours, which you can definitely say, look, first, yeah. then i thought that i would be paying a loan for this car for 7 years, and for this i realized that i needed to increase my income, and for this i opened another kindergarten, when i realized that this was not enough, i realized that we need to open a third kindergarten, well, that is, and you would tell the system directly, the fact is that the impostor complex often arises in people who cannot explain their success, well, to me it seems that i’m lucky, it’s true, i have... everything works from thought to word, from word to

action, well, in fact, certainly, but only when there is action, when there is action, when there is action, here is the most important point, remember two simple things: first, impostors do not have an impostor complex, because the impostor knows that he is an impostor, well , if i tell you now, it just doesn’t translate. no, just imagine, i’m now going to tell you about that i’m an opera singer, i’m just working here part-time, it’s like this, in fact i’m an opera singer, well, i’ll convince you that i’m an opera singer, where does the impostor complex come from, i’ll have an impostor complex, if suddenly someone someone will believe you and say sing, when i go on stage, probably at this moment i have, i’m not going to sing, i’m just telling you that i’m an opera singer or conductor, it doesn’t matter yes, so no, if you have an impostor complex, this is a good sign that tells you that you are not yourself... so in 8 years you

i managed to build a good relationship with my husband and at the same time being business partners in no project, that is, if i ask you now about how this is done, how you did it, you have a clearly understandable algorithm for what you did, to be honest , i ’m listening to you now, i understand that what i really need. you think, well, how would i take certain actions so that today, firstly, this business scales, so that in general it

functions in some way, well, brings benefits to people, yes at a minimum, however, i’m probably narrowing it down too much, but this concept of the path, i take , as it were, the initial point, i look at myself today and think, well, i was just lucky, well , at the right time, in the right place. yes, keep silent, yes, but these were objectively moments when you make some wise decision, which subsequently helps to save, for example, a marriage, so this is what you

need to figure out, uh-huh, you have, let’s call it bluntly, yes cases, you have such successful cases that you just need disassemble it like this, with this algorithm, and then you won’t need the approval of either your grandmother or anyone from the outside, then most likely you will have a question: do you need this large-scale business of your own or what you now have is that , what do you really want and in general, what are you doing, is this what you want, what makes you really happy, moreover, no matter what you think about, the second part i wanted to say, the first is about the fact that impostors do not have a complex, an impostor, the second simple thing i said, two things you need to remember, the second is just how you yourself came to this. digitize your experience, well, conditionally, yes, digitize, if tomorrow they wake you up at night and ask you, like, how did you become who you became there, let’s assume, yes there, why do you live in moscow and not in

almaat, why do you live like that , and not like this, there is a very important point there, that even as a child i never agreed with where i was, well, conventionally, i didn’t want to be there, i always wanted to be there in another place, that’s all, this this this.

or because it is your desire? here i have such polar opposite paths emerging, because we have now moved into a house and it’s so cool for me, but it’s so far from moscow, and i understand that in order to be on the move, you need to be here, because here a certain atmosphere, a certain rhythm, but i feel so good there, and i’m

so, i even called it quiet. harbor, here i am just, i feel good, and i want the opposite, now i have a desire to be with such a mother, with a child, and now i’m going to school the eldest son will go, somehow do homework with him, something else, but at the same time , this is the background that you need, you need some kind of business, well, of course, there is some kind of race, you trained it all your life, you have been training two such different paths, and i understand that having chosen one... yeah, but you are unlikely to be able to follow this path, it will definitely be nannies, tutors for the child, i will not be able to do homework with him, so i , probably here today in order to really understand the truth of my desire, do i really want to go where i want to go? i tell everyone what i want, so let’s imagine that you are, relatively speaking, already there, you don’t even need to tell me where, well, you have more money there, your business

is larger. house and so on and so forth, and now imagine that along the path that, well, during the path that you are going through, it so happened that all the people who are important people for you today, grandmother, mom, dad, friends, girlfriends there and so on, now they’ve all disappeared, this goal will still be relevant for you, i can’t to say that right at 100%, this is one, one of the test tasks is like this. it doesn’t matter, i want to change my car, yes, but what if no one ever finds out about this car, or, for example, i want to become famous, and what if suddenly i become famous, but in brazil and no one in russia will ever know, that i became the most famous in brazil, the presenter, how would it still be just as good for me, or would i still like that there would be a condition, let’s say, you will need to sign a contract, yes, which, in which you are so shady, a it's a shadow success, yes, you, you will do something, you will achieve everything, but it's... such

a secret, no one will ever know what car you drive, no one will ever know how much you earn, no one will know, that you are at the head of this business, well , this could happen, and if you are still interested in it, then it is definitely yours, then you will be ready to move mountains for this, but if there is still some classmate there, which should see and fall from envy, then with a high degree of probability you will not hit her, because that she’s always without... and most importantly, you won’t get this prize, you won’t be happy there, because there will never be enough there, and yes, i can’t say that this is very interesting for me, but it’s the publicity that’s interesting, media presence, fame, these are these concepts, well, this can also happen in brazil or in north korea, you will be the most famous in north

korea. no, can you imagine, i still believe in this illusion that they will appreciate it, that it will somehow inspire them, move forward, motivate them, look, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t do it, you just have to understand that these people will never appreciate it, you know, it seems to me that this will be at least an important awareness for me after today’s meeting with you, what about the impostor syndrome

i never really thought about it. that he’s an impostor, he doesn’t feel like he’s an impostor, and about the fact that if you’re expecting some kind of assessment or approval from someone, then you... definitely won’t get it, just get used to the idea that you’re from these people will never get anything, the main thing is that you will be in such stupid situation, when you put your whole life on the fact that this conditional classmate will see it someday and faint, but she either won’t see it or won’t fall and you’ll just find yourself with the feeling that you lived your life for whom - you know, i remember, for example, myself in childhood, when i was at school... some students came to our teachers there, well, there, who graduated from school 10 years ago, and these are some guys, yes, we are conditionally 12, and he is 22, he came back from the army in uniform, conditionally to visit, i then i dreamed of being a naval sailor, and

of course i imagined that one day i would also come to my home school, which means in the uniform, of course, necessarily a captain of the first rank, and how beautiful it would be in full dress uniform, with a dagger and all the business , life has developed with... you set before yourself, they should simply be interesting to you, they should inspire you, and they should be truly yours, because they should realize your values, yes, for example, inspiration - this means that you know what you will do for to do this, well, for example, i will create a big

business in order to be able to help people in my hometown, let’s say, open a kindergarten there, which will be absolutely there, i don’t know, free, accessible, with french, with a focus on mathematics bias, it doesn’t matter, but i ’ll do it, i’m doing it in order to realize this, that is, to have a vision of some kind of mission, for the sake of which, yes, that is, what will happen, even if you are gone and no one knows, that you did it, well, apparently that’s why i don’t have it yet, because that i don’t understand what, what, that is, success is a bonus that no one will appreciate, no one needs it except us, everything is there, there, period, one day many years ago, one came to me... a girl who i knew for a long time, she came to my session, and i asked: how are you doing? she says: bad? i say: listen, i saw you recently on a social network, yes, i say, everything is fine with you there, she says, and you saw

someone who is doing poorly there, for me then it turned out to be a realization, i all of a sudden i realized that it’s true, this is such a vanity fair, where everything shows that supposedly everything is fine, here in front of me sits a person for whom everything is bad, but on this social network he tells everyone: how to build e relationships, for example, there with men, let’s assume, and before that i had never thought about the fact that all these social networks are needed in order to speculate, this is also possible, well, this must be clearly understood, i sell there with the help of these social networks, then there , what do i sell, one thing is i sell my services, another thing i’m selling is the idea that successful success is very important, that is, it’s a soap bubble that is still somehow working, but in general the context is already clear. well , in general, you need to understand that this is only a tool for achieving some goal , use it for its intended purpose, exclusively, and most importantly, you know, i often, for example, recommend to people who come to me for trainings or to work with words that they want, for example, to earn 20 times more there than they

earn now, great, then i accordingly, i ask, where are there such people who earn as much as you want to earn, well , suppose this person says, well, they hang out there. in expensive restaurants, okay, go to a couple of such expensive restaurants, then you’ll come and tell me how you felt, uh-huh, yes, well, it happens in different ways, i myself also kind of did that once, then a person comes and says , listen, there was something i didn’t like there, and what i didn’t like, but well, i didn’t like it, because everyone there is kind of pompous, everyone there is kind of arrogant, everyone there is kind of, i say, so it turns out that you don’t love the people you strive for, it turns out like this, well, it seemed to you that they were pompous, but somehow that means you don’t love them, but how do you you will turn out to be the same person, it turns out that you no longer like yourself in all this, and for me this is a very important mental material that

needs to be worked with, because a person must first accept that they will say exactly the same thing about him, when he gets there, this work takes quite a lot of time in a person, so when you look, for example, at people who are bigger, better, somehow different, that’s your task. the task is to see what they will say about me when i am there, to resolve the situation, yes, they will say about me that i am dishonest there, that i am quite unpleasant. there is not enough faith in point b for one simple

reason: i, the one in whom i believe here, now, today, here i am, sergey, there is such and such, such and such, yes, i don’t believe that i can be the way i will be there at this point b. i don’t believe in this money, i don’t believe in success, i i don’t believe in myself that can be there, and it’s a very difficult job too, so if you look at someone, only to see how you will look through the eyes of people who have never been there, uh-huh, that’s it this is important and... to monitor your reactions, yes, stop, but i think that they stop me to some extent, well, because these are the reactions that will happen to you, it turns out that everything is going over your head, or as i once did they said why i say that now i have diametrically different paths here in my head, what and what to choose and such a split occurs, because once it really hurt me. i was told that i was like a man, and it became

wildly unpleasant for me at that moment, i’m thinking right now that maybe it’s really there in big business, but conditionally there’s where i want it, it’s like this , that is, these are not women, in fact, they have more masculine energy than feminine energy, then why do i want to go there if i am offended by the fact that they called me that? such the feeling that you don’t need to get somewhere there, on the contrary, go back and figure out who you really are, and what this race is for, for what prize, yeah, and who will you bring this prize to, you will take it to your grandmother, who won’t appreciate it, keep it with you, you ’ll be fine with him, that’s the answer, well, i guess it’s the other way around, now after talking with... with you i have the feeling that here i am now after 8 years in

business , on the contrary, i want to be a mother, for some reason i want to be that mother who takes care of his children, well, at the same time, i can’t say that this could greatly damage some kind of realization, but maybe it would make it easier to somehow reset some kind of internal ballast, which greatly interferes with movement. well, it turns out that through some kind of constant resistance, we also have to understand that your children need you as a mother until they are 12 years old, so i understand this moment, that now my son is seven, my daughter is five at the age of 12 they will tell me: mom, close the door, come out, and come straight to me this moment is very much not only frightening, i ’m just thinking about the fact that i have very little time left, in fact, i had 7 years that i didn’t... use, now, well, how i used it, but

not as effective as i would like, yes, but it’s important, there is also a trap here so that you don’t knock on their door when they tell you this, they didn’t say, i ’ve put so many years on you here, yes i i gave this to you, it’s worth doing just for yourself, to feel like a mother, so that to be a mother for yourself, and not for them, to try this quality, to try this part of life, and at the same time agree with your spouse, your business partner, that for these... 7 years you perform 80% maternal function there, 20% function as a business partner, then this can change if you want, and maybe you will give birth to a third by then, no one knows, so i ’m just wondering why you said this, you can read it in the eyes, of course, because i’m just like that with my eldest son it seems that i missed out on some kind of pleasure, probably motherhood, because i didn’t really enjoy it, but honestly i think, why at all, why, well, i was 22 years old? and i’m kind of like here’s a business here, here

’s a child, all this somehow at the same time, in the end now i want a third one in order to enjoy it, with each subsequent child there will be more pleasure, of course, that’s for sure, but still, you know, even this needs to be done, as tatyana rightly said, you have to do it for yourself in this sense, then you will find a balance, then it will really be balance, i know successful women who have children. probably, to some extent, they missed some things in their motherhood, perhaps how to tell their children, there will be something to talk about with a psychotherapist, but even if you give up everything and stay at home. sit, your children will still have something to talk about with a psychotherapist, you should not rely on them in this sense, but the fact that you can agree with your spouse and find this very balance, perhaps then you can really tell people about how did you come to this balance, here it is will be very valuable, i thank you very much for

today’s meeting, for the conversation, thank you, and there are a lot of, let’s say in a fashionable word, insights that you really want to directly... take notes somewhere in a prominent place so as not to forget to do, you really it’s important to look at this algorithm for yourself, write it down, yes, thank you, i think it was an interesting conversation, you watched the triggers lab podcast, its hosts were psychologist tatyana krasnovskaya , psychotherapist sergei nasebyan, our guest was love. yes, and we talked today about how to find a balance between the desire to achieve success and education. children, the role of a mother, the role of a business woman, it seems to me that there are a lot of interesting things that we found in this conversation, which will certainly be useful for the audience. if you want to become a participant in our program and ask questions that concern you, you can fill out a form on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru.

no evil will befall a good husband, our soul is immortal, after death there will be a reward for the good, and punishment for the evil. these words are inscribed on the scroll that the fresco holds in in the hands of the hero of our conversation today. the fresco is located in the annunciation cathedral of the kremlin, and the hero’s name is socrates. hello, dear friends. moscow university, igor evgenievich surikov, chief researcher at the institute of general history of the russian academy of sciences, dear friends, i’m vladimir ligoydov, let’s talk about socrates. igor evgenevich, let’s start with how this fresco actually is, you wrote a lot about it, how it appeared in the annunciation

cathedral, that’s what i know, that in general everything these sayings are like socrates, there are other sages there. that, as is known, socrates did not write philosophical texts compared to any other thinker, or even more so, texts, but they usually say that he did not write anything, not quite so, yes, some texts have still been preserved, but not of a philosophical nature, well, according to at least, this is in any case very interesting, maybe we ’ll come back to this, i know what the first one is... a question for you personally, even if we ignore purely professional activities, as far as possible, here’s socrates first turn, who is alexey pavlovich? meme, generally speaking, uh, because there is not only socrates, the ancient greek, but there is also the moscow socrates, nikolai fedorov, and

the georgian socrates, mirap mambashvili, that is, socrates was usually called a person who prefers oral culture. written culture, who remained in culture as a storyteller, as an interlocutor, and not as the author of a multi-volume collection of works, and here, again, if we turn to one ancient russian text, gelian mikhailovich prokhorov published, but about plato and pythagoras plato proclaimed with good words, but pythagoras preferred for the better to remain silent, because, and the following explanation goes on, the god of such and such. does not have, therefore does not suffer, and generally speaking, there is a russian proverb, silence is gold, the word is silver, therefore in russian culture, in traditional, in ancient russian culture, socrates is such an almost saint, justin the martyr said, christians before christ,

before christ, igor evgenevich, and for you here ’s a personal question, well, i’ll start with the fact that