to school, i won’t go to school, it seems to me that in my marriage it was my decisions all the time, well , that is, i was in my first marriage all the time, well , let’s put it this way, but this notorious one, who is the head of the family, then there is for us, well, i was wearing everything, and i understand that my husband, in principle, also seemed to be comfortable, well , despite everything, i was like a mother, yes, but i wasn’t much of a girl, that is, i don’t know , how can you not take packages that are worth it , well... just walk past them, yes, i ’ll definitely take them, here, well, here are some moments like this, how was it for you to be the head of the family? at first i liked it, well, judging by the fact that i took on this role, and i liked it, there is a feeling that along with this dominance you got the husband who did not live up to you, what were your expectations in the end? well, of course, yes, i understand it now, well, here’s the decision to get a divorce.

and this decision is bold, i don’t know, i just understood differently that well, it’s as if i just can’t breathe, well, well, i really just physically can’t, and accordingly , i’m suppressing my first husband too, well, because i i understood that just like that... there i was very, very strong, in a negative sense, strong, yeah, at the beginning you said that your request was that you were in a childish position, a childish position and such dominance in family, like this, well, now i seem to have happened like this, you know, like a changeling, i seem to be afraid of something to return and become so dominant in the party. or as if, well, let’s put it

this way, yes, it didn’t lead to anything good, well, relatively speaking, i think that if you now, when we talk about this, if you take responsibility for this whole experience, that’s just total responsibility, that you made decisions, you did what you did, and the result of these decisions, the result of your actions, in general, you don’t like , if you accept all this experience from beginning to end and integrate it into yourself, then most likely you will not repeat the same mistake, but then the question arises: how will you act from today in your relationship with your current spouse in order to and your personality developed as you say, at the same time you could count on your spouse and give him the opportunity to take care of you, what can you do differently? i just don’t really understand it yet, well, this is it, apparently, so here’s how to say, this is like an imbalance.

such and as if there is some kind of instability and uncertainty, or something, because you say, as if you cannot control this force, that if it exists, then it is total, then you begin to suppress husband, you begin to dominate, lead him with you, and as if now, if you turn it on, then the script will unfold in the same way, so that this does not happen, you then take this position, i do not take myself. responsibility, let’s somehow take care of everything here ourselves, i’ll get over it, this is such a diametrically opposite position, role, after all, there’s a balance between these two, but it’s clear that you’re scared of what the first 25 years of marriage have led you to, well, sense of the first marriage, and you can’t be here now allow this to happen, and you fall into this position of a child, what would you do now, yul?

“if you decided to destroy your relationship with your husband now, would you follow this scenario that you followed with your first husband, with your second husband”? i have a slightly different situation, we have a big age difference, it’s unlikely, even if i really want to, i will be able to defeat him, yes, but answering tatyana’s question, would you try to somehow suppress him, i don’t see it now in yourself, no, tatyana asked you another question, she i said, what would you do, yuli, if you wanted to destroy the relationship with him, from what you answer, i conclude that if you could, you would suppress him, that’s how you would...

do this, so that you categorically tell me, i think, if you would humiliate him, humiliate him, disrespect him, of course, yes, why did you ask tatyana this question, well, i’m interested in understanding what can be done in order to destroy, in order to understand, and what then should be done to preserve, that is, there is a certain idea, but about what destroys relationship, it’s clear now that it’s not worth it, then what’s worth doing, the most important thing is that... it seems to me that it’s worth talking, well, that is, communicating a lot, talking, explaining, getting over yourself, well, at every moment in time when they arise some situations, for example, or some are simply, as they say, dialected, yes, that is, i need to find

some kind of balance between destructive actions and absolutely creative actions, yes, i need to find some kind of golden mean, yes i i'll give you a hint that...

how to do whatever you want, you want, just not yes, well, because you can rush to the other extreme now, you can destroy, or you can rush to the other extreme, where you maintain relationships, just create everything, run there, spend all your efforts there, but you need to find yourself in this, with or without a relationship, you can find all episodes of the triggers podcast on the website of the first channel 1tv.ru, let's just say that relationships in marriage are not in the sense of not , well, not so important, yes they are not well now in the first place i have exactly that and about the fact that there in general, in principle, where am i for myself, that is, right now the fact that i was not there for a long time alone, well

, my daughter tells me that it feels like you can’t be alone, but i can’t say that, well, i’m right there in this marriage, well, i rushed , yes, that i just for me... well, it turned out that way, but at the moment i still have more of a request for myself, that is, i understand that marriage also depends, well, naturally it depends on how i feel, that is, how much i will be, in fact, yul, you answered all the questions, look, you understand exactly how you will feel satisfied, this is when you have a profession for which you respect yourself, an income that allows you to be independent and fully yourself.

in fact, an integral identity, mother, there, good mother, wife, and so on, yes, because these are identities that are always associated with the role of another. i always, well, often ask myself that it would be interesting for me to see

myself through the eyes of my children, and find out what they think about me, have you ever asked them? well i asked, and even when i didn’t ask, they somehow don’t really hide their opinion on the matter, but my daughter tells me that i underestimate myself, that i don’t believe in myself, and this is my daughter 16, yes you say, my daughter is 16, yes , my daughter tells me that... she is grateful to me for getting divorced, they highlight some of your strengths, something that they like about you, something that appeals to me, well, yes, she tells me often says that she likes the relationship we have, she is open with me, it happens that she and her brother sometimes put me in correspondence there with diagnoses, that i have some kind of adhd, what kind of advanced am i? depression, split personality, yes, now young people like to talk about it, well

, just at some point, when my friends used to congratulate me on my birthday, they often told me that you are an amazing mother, you are a great mother, i i somehow don’t know such mothers, at some point it already became like bad advertising, because it’s just a small part of your personality, and what did you manage to create in your relationship with... with them, what do you think, the most important thing is with children, yeah, it seems to me that it didn’t work out, i managed to keep them, well, realness, that is, they are like that, well, in my opinion, i also understand that they are loved, they are so spoiled, so, well, such good children at home, yes, well, in a good way, not in the sense that they are from the greenhouse, they have grandparents, mom, dad, so, well, it’s like that... you can say that, in principle, the family is a full cup, yes , they had a good, happy childhood, that

is, you know how to love, in fact, yes, well great, look, it’s the same thing, just now give it to yourself, and you’re right, your daughter, when they tell you that you underestimate yourself, because in fact you now, here you are 47, have the opportunity to show them another very important thing, that you are an adult, you can do anything, and you will do what you like, without looking back at them, at... parents, at husbands, there and so on, so they should see that 47 is just the beginning in this the meaning of life, when we begin to enjoy our life, when we can you were able to love them, you were able to love them, that’s it, that’s all with them, and now it’s just for yourself, in the good sense of the word, you have your beloved man next to you, in general, in the near future everything will be wonderful, i think you need to find yourself, that is, the self that you want to be, you know how when the chubrashka asks the crocodile gene... what do you do? he says: a crocodile in the zoo. just imagine how harmonious this is. well,

weren’t you embarrassed by this answer as a child? crocodiles in the zoo. he's either an idiot, or cheburashka is an idiot, or we, who are reading this, but no. in fact, this is an absolutely harmonious emotion of your essence, your essence, your, your inner self. this is what i need to find, the one you will work out in the zoo as a crocodile, that’s also good, but you need to find this you, who wants reality.

look at the present, what kind of self do you want to realize through your work and professional activities, thank you very much again, thank you, well, this was a podcast from labtrier, and we talked with yuliy about how to find yourself in the vicissitudes of life, relationships and professional activities . were with you hosts of this podcast: tatyana krasnovskaya and sergey nasebyan. and you, dear viewers, if you want to become a participant in the trigger podcast and be our guest in our studio and understand the issue that is interesting to you personally, fill out the form on the 1tв website.