we continue the podcast jokes, renat, mikhail stayed with us in the studio and are ready to tell a couple more amazing stories jokes, please, renat, you said, you like short jokes, and you know some long ones , like artistic and theatrical ones, i adore them, especially when they tell some masters there, you know, who works in the theater, there is a film actor, sometimes you listen to it and even you even know this joke, you just...

it depends on which ones, he says, well, white ones, let's say, white ones, he says, they give one and a half tons a year wool, he says, and the black ones, and the black ones give one and a half tons, he says that he would simply combine, he would say three 3 tons give everything, let's continue writing, he says, tell me how much food they consume, how much compound feed, this grass, he says, well again, it depends on which ones, if white, he says, then they eat about 3 tons a year, he says, and the black one, so what? yeah, listen, i knew we would get to he says: and the black ones, and the black ones are mine too, well, some abstract , stupid jokes, i'll read it now, i have it here there is a book like that, but i'll read it because it needs to be told quickly.

forgive me, dear viewers, but nevertheless there is an exam, that is, imagine, there is a topic, there is an exam, the professor tells the student: there are 500 bricks on board the plane, one brick fell out of the plane, how many bricks are left on board, the student says: well, that's easy, 499, the professor says: right, the next question: how to put an elephant in the refrigerator in three steps? the student says: first - open the refrigerator, second - put the elephant in there, third - in... refrigerator, professor, good, how to put a deer in a refrigerator in four steps. student, first, open the refrigerator, second, take out the elephant, third, put the deer in, fourth, close the refrigerator, professor, excellent. next question: the king of beasts, the lion, has a birthday, all the animals have come except one. why? student? because the deer is still in the refrigerator. professor, excellent, next. can granny get through the swamp with crocodiles? student, of course she can, because all the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday. the king's. professor. okay? and now the last question,

the granny went through, walked through an empty swamp, but still died, what happened to her, the student, she drowned, the professor, no, a brick fell on her, which fell from an airplane, on a retake, that is, i always imagined, who sits and makes up such jokes, yes, well, there is one joke, when a guy is lying at home on the couch, does not call a girl, "hello, hi, she says, hi, i say, what are you doing, she says, nothing, here at home alone, parents left, tomorrow they'll arrive, he says maybe i'll come to you then, she says, come on, come on, he says we'll drink some wine there, maybe, come on, come on, watch a movie, yeah, she says, come on, come on, well, let 's give each other a massage there, yeah, she says, come on, come on, let 's kiss there, yeah? come on, come on, let

's make love, come on, come on, who's this, about the son, so they're dating, eh, two friends, and he says, what about you, he says, your eyes are so huge, he says, son, son, i had a son, can you imagine, after five my daughters gave birth to a son, after five dots, son, he says, who does he look like, you or there or your wife, he says, yes, we... haven't looked him in the face yet, some jokes that can be called anecdotal happened, you had all that, of course, yes, of course, we, uh, what happened in our lives with komyzyaks, we pulled them out on stage, no, no, and we show it like that, it was obvious from your team there, how it all happens, well, we had a case when we wrote a competition of one song about an employee of the migration service and an illegal immigrant about love, yes i remember that, this song.

i think we went somewhere to baku on tour , we're lying in a hotel, we just arrived and a woman calls azamat and yells at him into the phone, why did you write my number, it turns out it's in kamaziak? that is, there were games there, you know, and two of my friends told me, they come to a village store, but there it's all like , you know, like a village, a village store, so everything is in these, win and there, how many cars, an apartment, there are generally a bunch of other prizes

, some caps there and so there are several more liters of this drink you can win there , so they took the bottle, opened it, or one of them looks, and under the lid it says 3 liters, that is, and there you can win nothing, that is, you buy a small bottle, they bought a liter and there are 3 liters, and so they go up to this village saleswoman, she is such a plump girl, you know, so cheerful, they come up and say, oops, what is she doing there, talking about 3 liters, is she 3 liters, he says what what, well, 3 liters. well, look at all you have here, cars, apartments, caps, there you can win there, how much is three, how much is five, what is 10 liters on the promotion, she is 3 liters, she looks, she sees that 3 liters, he says, well, come on , she, what should i give you, he says, well , come on, they are already starting, well, 3 liters,

such a game, she, and no, i don’t play such games, but are there any? some kind of regional ones, remember the joke, it immediately comes to mind, but it’s still old, i don’t know, it’s some kind of, probably, soviet joke about shuttle diplomacy, henry kissinger is asked what shuttle diplomacy is, he says, well, let's say, let's say i need to marry off rockefeller's wife to a simple siberian guy, i go to a village in siberia, i find a healthy guy there, i say, do you want to marry him to my daughter? yes, well, i beg you, we have plenty of our own girls here, cool, why do i need some newark girl, yes, but she's the daughter of a billionaire, so she gets rid of me, and then i go to the board of a swiss bank, i say, do you want

a simple siberian guy to be a member of the board, are you crazy, yes, but he's taking rockefeller with me, that's my business, then i... go to rockefeller, i say, do you want your daughter to marry a simple siberian man, in our family everyone is financier, jews, yes, but he is a member of the board of a swiss bank, he says: wait a second, seusie, come here, mr. kissinger has found you a groom, he is a member of the board of a swiss bank, she says, ugh, these financiers, they are all weaklings, yes, but he is a siberian man, when a russian belarusian and a kazakh end up on a desert island, it is also an old joke, i think, and the belarusian starts gardening there, she only has potatoes as it should be, everything is growing, russian

, he has cattle there, somehow they meet, they say let's unite in one farm, we will live together, we will have everything, they unite, a knock on the door. the door opens, there stands a kazakh, says: hello, i am your new district police officer, a policeman, young, that is, a complete leutian, so green, fooled around with makarov, stood somewhere on duty there in a secure place and somewhere lost him, so hand over the duty now, now a new one will come, there is the same flyer, and he is looking and nowhere to be found, and i lost his gun, what is putin looking for, oh my god, they're going through everything, everywhere, he looks at everything there... he opened the nightstands, in the closet, on the windowsill, there's nothing there, in the hallway, he's just panicking, that's it, no service weapon, that's it, they're going to strip him of his rank, there'll be some other ones, where's everything, it's gone, there's no gun, that's it, and where is he , where was i, where was i, what was i doing , what am i, oh my god, what will happen to me, i was smoking, i was smoking,

that's right, he crawls out into the street and crawls under the bench near this smoking room , he smells of cigarette butts, he's wearing trousers ironed, just crawling on the grass, where are you pistol, sat down for... he's just crawling, here's katya, misha, home, parents called the children, they were playing in the sandbox, and he 's crawling, crawling, crawling, suddenly little katya comes up, she has a makarov in a green bucket, and he's crawling there, like, he comes up, like: "uncle policeman, this isn't your pistol," and he looks at him: "no, i lost mine." jokes, tv series, come on, oh, jokes. that would be funny like that the second

part of the joke, when the guy is lying on the couch and a girl calls him, he picks up the phone, she says: hi, he says: hi, what are you doing? nothing, he says, lying on the couch, he says, my parents left, they won’t be back until tomorrow, maybe you’ll come? he says: come on, come on, she says, let’s watch tv, yeah, come on? let’s drink some wine, yeah, come on, come on, let’s give each other a massage , yeah, come on, come on, let’s kiss, yeah, come on, come on, let’s make love, oh, i got the hint , i’m leaving to sum up our conversation, yeah, look, look, despite on how to combine all this, despite the fact that you are not a fisherman, at all, and neither of us are kazakhs, that is, but still hobbies, they can be different, but still friendship, as

you say, yes, it can appear suddenly, yes, as misha said, that he started walking dogs, became friends with someone, yes, if you can say so, or when there is a children's theme, this educational one, when you start giving birth and there appeared there, you start communicating, that is, it can appear suddenly, also suddenly you can lose it, but someone moved somewhere there we... still remember about one of your friends, just call him or write, i think that from this only will become more positive

for everyone, for yourself and of course for your friend. that's it, keep the friendship, tell each other funny stories and jokes, from this everyone should be a little more positive, actually for this there are podcast jokes, so today we say goodbye to you, thank you, dear friends, thank you friends for watching us, until next time, bye. hello, dear tv viewers, on air on channel one podcast melodies of my life, i am its host, valery syutkin, and today a theater and film artist, who owns... his velvety voice, dmitry dyuzhev, has come to visit me. hello, dmitry, hello,

valerochka, dear, thank you for the invitation, good night, dear tv viewers, today with us is sergey osokin on the accordion, together with seryozha we play the light jazz project, this podcast melody of my life, it allows you to learn more about our guest through music, because music is the best keeper of memory, we will remember the melodies that accompanied you in your life, they will give you the opportunity, relying on them, to remember some small details that do not come to us without music, and of course, we always start with the melody of childhood, here dmitry dyuzhev was born, by the way, where did this happen, it happened in the city of astrakhan, mom was nine months pregnant, they also lived in alma-ata, dad worked at the lermontov russian drama theater. and on the morning of july 9 mom i started crying, i want to go to my mother, i want to go to my mother, my father

somehow manages to buy two plane tickets from almaty to astrakhan, they arrive at my mother’s, contractions begin, they arrive, an ambulance, my mother, pregnant with me, is taken to the maternity hospital, the maternity hospital in astrakhan is located on the seventeenth pier, where on the 2nd sunday of july, it’s 1978, fisherman’s day. the caspian fleet or ships loaded with fireworks arrive, so they bring my mother to the maternity hospital at 9:15 p.m., they raise the alarm, as soon as it all begins, the fireworks begin to thunder. bang, the people shout, hurray, mom remembers, you say, you were born, the midwives, she says, are running, oh my god, who was born, what a fisherman, what a fisherman will be , what a fisherman, dear friends, just now right before your eyes and i, i have such an impression,

i have never heard a more artistic story about the birth of a child, that's what it means. separately the bremen town musicians there was a record separately that was spinning, i want to tell you, after all, music is the password of a generation, you are not the first person who comes to visit me, in childhood, and for me too bremen musicians, it's some kind of straight, fortunately for our children this music by gennady golotkov continues

to sound, to the poems of yuriyentin, tell me, do you have experience of voicing cartoons in your career. it takes place, of course, i have several cartoons in which i voiced, did different roles, voice coloring, expressed the psychological portrait of the character, tell me, when you did not yet know such smart words, but were young dima dyuzhev, an astrakhan guy, he grows up, in his youth, well, it is clear that with you were already, so to speak, to some extent, directed by your dad's profession, well, youth, melodies of youth, what did you listen to as a teenager and what did you play, so to speak? the melody of youth, it is associated with such a melody from 17 moments of spring: so this is a film, it

flies with me in pictures, this youth, like a melody, and as a song, you know, i was an absolute fan of our soviet film the three musketeers, i dreamed of being one of them, i dreamed of taking a sword, in fact, we ran out into the yard, took branches , all this was performed, this is of course our domestic film, where mikhail sergeyevich boyarsky, where smekhov, where smirnitsky, valentin georgievich, yes, valentin georgievich and i, have been playing together for 20 years now, the play free love, when did you start? knowing for sure that the acting profession is your life's path, when was this decision made by you, i dreamed of going to the naval school in astrakhan, this is valor and honor itself, these chenilles, these belts with a buckle, the buckle is heavy, it is so convenient to fight with them, in general, this is such an honor and dignity

of astrakhan, of course i wanted to be like on them, but at some point my father, when we were watching the theater with him... kapustnik, he saw that i started laughing, started asking who it was, why they were doing it, it wasn't kvn, or any other programs, it was just students from the theater institute, and then he said: "dimochka, you dream of becoming a sailor, but if you enter the theater institute, you can be a sailor, a rescuer, and uh, a hero, and..." anyone, in one life you can try yourself, try different professions, in different characters of people, convinced you, dad, convinced you so much that i went to the theater institute, entered mark anatolyevich zakharov, mark anatolyevich, right from the first time, yes, you entered, everything was successful, yes,

then there was such a popular melody, everyone sang it, i had my first love there,

london goodbye, so lip, tell me , that's what it was, dancing, everything, study, study, and your first role in a movie, it's interesting, my first role in a movie was extras, it's like an actor in crowd scenes, i lived in a hostel on trifonovskaya, they came to me at night after 12 a friend from another course knocked and said, listen, he said, there's bob zemek with him...

some submariner, you know, but also as an actor of crowd scenes, and my first episode in a movie before brigada was with alexander atanisyan 24 hours, that was a short phrase, in general i thank you from anisyan, who... then said: well, guy, i've spotted your talent for cinema, maybe something will work out, you go ahead and try, again, hello, dear

tv viewers, the podcast melodies of my life is on the air, i'm its host valery syutkin, today with us together dmitry dyuzhev, you already said a little that during the period when you studied with mark zakharov, under his guidance, the melody of love, of course. moscow life spun you, of course, well, what kind of music is this, tell me, well, of course, all the pieces that mark anatolyevich staged were favorites, we all, of course, learned them and sang them, and were always ready to perform, we were like universal soldiers, that's what zakharov called us, that no one knows at what moment they will ask you specifically, and you must be 100% ready whenever you are called, and this is in rehearsals with...

"i love you to tears, music by igor krutov, words, attention, igor nikolaev, many do not know, it was igor nikolaev who wrote the words of this song, dmitry dyuzhev, sergey osokin, accordion, cab. raise your eyes to the christmas sky, make a wish for everything

you dream about, in life before you, i was not so happy for you alone, here in this place we are preparing, preparing the chorus. these white flowers, i love you to tears, every breath as if for the first time, instead of lies, beautiful phrases, this cloud of roses, sculpts. with stacks of white roses, i will populate our lodge, i... i love you to tears,

i love you madly, thank you, dim, by the way, you know , i just remembered, you have a brilliant vocal career, as an actor, not every film actor can boast of a grand prix with samaro gvertsiteli, remember, you took these, but valery, i apologize.

i can persuade him, when we got to him, he says, to whom to you, yes for free, well done, i just yes, i was just in incredible happiness, and that happened, well and my wife, of course, said, how did you do it i did, i can't, i can't help but ask, because tv viewers are always interested in this, and as a tactful person, you can tell exactly as much as you think necessary, but since the melody of love in your life with... your wife tatyana brought wonderful children, tell us a little about the family, what is theirs today, how old are they, guys, the eldest son ivan is 14, will be 15 in august, a straight-a student, tries, is now into sports, has already gone through such youthful maximalism, diligent, hard-working, has not yet decided on the choice of a future profession,

with the choice of a future profession, well... i looked at our then only son vanya, and he was so diligent, neat, intelligent, excuse me, please, can i ask and so on, she looked and said, ah, after all, no matter what you teach children, they will still look like their parents, well and so we look, as if at our reflection, suddenly dmitry is born, this is the youngest, well and also me, it was not me who named him, it was me

at some point pregnancy, well... that is, when we were choosing the name ivan, i said: well, the name carries a symbol, a code, that is, it is from yours ancestors, an outstanding ancestor, the name you want to continue, to glorify, to remember, it’s not for nothing that they ask us, in whose honor you were named, and we dug into mine, that is, my family tree, at tanechka’s, we learned about the priest father john, when... the nazis came, this is the penza region, then the parishioners hid their beloved priest in the basement, and the germans were there, then they passed, then our troops came, then the nazis, something like that, several times they somehow, all this, something like that, the situation changed, and that means our ancestor accepted such, well, how the hermit monastic path, he made

a decision. never to leave this room again, he lived for quite a few years, the war was already over, people were already just going there with requests, prayers and so on, and the prayers were miraculous, so they loved him, hid and hid him and so on, and even after the war and so on, he did not come out into the light, and so with his life the lord took him, well and i say, of course, such an ancestor, we really need to continue, and we named our eldest son john, ivan, and... the youngest is born, that is, we choose, yes, we choose a name for the second child, we try everything , that means, we look for names and so on, at some point tanya says: i have an idea, please, don’t talk me out of it, if you love me, then you will agree, i say, well, wait, well, i have to know , well, please, here you go, here this will be mine, leave this to me, please, so i say, yes, i have to know, it’s just that when you leave, i feel so lonely, i want

at least little dimochka to be with me, i say: no, no, no, please, no, i want, so that it was mine, dima dyuzhev, here 3d was born, with your energy, what do you think, tanya, it’s easy with you in general, i think with me it’s generally unbearable, unbearable, unbearable for anyone, well, you know, i also live in a happy marriage for 30 years

, nothing has disappeared from the house, so i think that we are very lucky and i am writing in the marital status column with pleasure , hopeless, so we will endure dima , we endure, we endure, as we do what dima, i can’t shake the feeling that i am, you invited me to the filming of the movie of your life, such a presentation, simply absolutely such, you know, we worked together. the only role in a big movie, this is the movie champions, the movie consists of novellas, and one of the novellas was filmed as director dmitry, this is your

directorial debut, yes, this is the second higher education, i graduated and i played myself, a fragment of the olympics, this segment was dedicated to figure skating, where i performed the song 700 above the ground, invited perfectly. the amazing energy of goodwill from dmitry dyuzhev nevertheless led me to such a tactful question: when dmitry is sad, what melody do you associate with him this state? well, in general i really like classical music, opera and maybe. some aria of nadir from the opera the pearl fishers, so darin, what is it, what

is it, i love it, my whole soul, oh i can't, i have no desire to interrupt your performance, everything is just going very well. tell me, in estrada, what is it? yes, but i have spent a lot of my life traveling on regular buses, these were moscow, astrakhan, and moscow berlin, and moscow holland, and moscow, all of europe, all on buses, somehow everything is on buses, i don't know, even at some point you could afford a plane ticket financially, but still the bus remained, remained, you know, maybe in first class. dad said, so i found a job escorting cargo, on a huge kamaz truck loaded with watermelons or tomatoes from astrakhan, he accompanied the cargo together with the driver guessing, it was either

some kind of truck driver, that it was some kind of and he always took me with him, and after that, after that he worked on a barge, and astrakhan moscow, we also accompanied cargo on the barge tomatoes, watermelons, that's how it is in all these travels, with sadness, and sadness is because you are far from home, you are somewhere on a journey, but you will still return someday, that was something, you will never guess what he will choose now, i don't know, association, well with nikolai rastorguy, this is his song, the road, you know so much, when there was some sadness, it was just pressing on me, there behind the fogs, so a second, this is igor matvienko, to the verses of alexander shaganov, absolutely right, because that this is the main author of lyube, well, come on

, seryozha, what a little note, yes, come on, the blue sea, only the sea behind... the stern, the blue sea and the way home is far, there is a fog. manami, eternally drunk, there behind the fog is my native shore, there behind the fog, eternally drunk, there behind the fog, our shore is one, in russian, yes, yes, such a breadth of melody. something yes, some kind of associative, and in general the mentality was

such a nineties everywhere some kind of threat awaited you, danger, everywhere someone had to answer, everywhere hold the core, here is yours choice, now it’s clear to me that i just needed to see dmitry dyuzhev for at least 30 seconds to understand that there was no need to look for another person for the role in the space garden. how did it happen, it’s his majesty chance, his majesty chance, well, really, then at the youth theater, i worked at the youth theater, by the way, excuse me for not asking, but what was your first theater like, the youth theater? well - when i was a student, in my third or fourth year, we got practical training on the lenkom stage and they predicted to us that, in general, after graduating institute we can remain in the same quality of the same. involvement of the same, here, but

it was clear that in the next 10 years, perhaps you will not be given lines and phrases, but i really wanted to start trying to play, to start trying the character, i do not know, a psychological portrait, a medical record of my character, this is necessary, and if you are not in the pantomime genre, then you should, so to speak, learn to play monologues and you, and i yes, i went to tyus, i showed up. different theaters, but then genreta naumovna yanovskaya, a talented director, her half, this is kama ginkos, this is a director from the edge of the theater laboratory in general, i am a fan of this kind of directing, so i was happy that they took me then, but the first thing i encountered was, of course, animals, i remind you that we are talking about how you are. i got into the team, that's how in what image of what

animal the director saw you, we had some kind of get-together until the morning, something like that, i came home in the morning, and i rented a room in a three-room apartment and then my mother came to visit me, there was no mobile phone yet, it was somewhere in 2000, and here is the home phone and mom meets me at 6:00 in the morning, says: dimochka, they called you in the evening from massfilm. they invite you to a casting for some series called bandits, something like that, i said, you 'll come at 10, i say, mom, yes, i can barely stand, mom, where will i come, well, you lie down, and i'll wake you up, really, mom woke me up there at 9:00, i quickly washed up, got dressed, combed my hair with mineral water on the minibus to mosfilm, to the office, it says the series brigada, well, i never, and what did mom say, don't go in there, so that you don't... so you say, open the door a little and so in

side say: i showed up, you invited me, and tomorrow i'll come to you like a cucumber, and today , oops, such a moment, as if i wasn't warned, so well, and so i did this, i opened the door, the director of the sidrov brigade was sitting there and i say: hello, so you invited me, but at the moment i wasn't really warned, so tomorrow i'll come to you, he says: oh-oh-oh, come in, come in! go, i say, no, no, tomorrow, tomorrow, he says, come on, come on, be bolder, i say, well, that's just the situation, he says, well, come on, you you know, i need one like that, i say, well, to be honest, eh, i just got home at 6:00 in the morning, no, well, will you play me one like that, i say, well, pour me some drinks at night, then i'll sleep for 2 hours and in the morning i'll come to the set exactly like that, well... we worked with him, and he says: i immediately approve you for the role of a fly, this role is for

the first two episodes, an antihero for sasha bely, and i was happy, i came home, i say, mom, i was approved for the role of a fly, then do you remember such a famous science fiction film, where a man with a fly, something like that, then turned into a fly, yeah, i say, mom, i was entrusted with the role'. some kind of bandit , you have to play bandits, well, that's it, and then they call and say dmitry, we're looking for an actor for the lead role of sasha bely, we need a partner, could you play along behind the camera, do you have time, i say: yes, i have time, well , and i came, well, 2 days for 3.4 hours, well, something like 50, probably, actors passed, who auditioned

for sasha bely, and i was behind the cameraman, behind the camera , just in the corner in the dark, that is, what it's called giving lines, well... at some point i've memorized, learned, well i've already started playing something, improvising, well and sidrov, i'm not needed at all, here the attention is still there, and he periodically says: dim, here just a little bit, move here, well okay, why does he need it, well i moved, yes, now this, and now this, now this and periodically he gives me something, i change something, develop, change, on the second day it continued, then after the second day they say, you know, alexey made a decision you to try out for space. i then say: you know, i'm so happy that you gave me the role of a fly for two small episodes, i 've never played big roles in films, so i'm a bird in the hand, worth two in the bush, give me this volume, which i feel i can do, but for 15 episodes, one of

the main roles, i may not cope, i may let you down, so it's better to leave me as a fly, and they say: young check, go, we 'll figure it out, we'll figure it out, well, i congratulate you, because it was great, well, not a start, but just remember, our beloved proverbs, proved yourself, consolidate, and it worked out, and you were introduced to sergei bezrukov on this film, we weren't acquainted, strict regime holidays, well, i understand, that is , you were caught several times later, yes...

you know, recently we have this song, dim, we have this song a young man came up to me and said: "thank you, valery milavich, for your songs, especially for the ldpr", i was so surprised, i didn't write anything for the ldpr at all and there weren't even any requests from that side, but it turned out that he meant the abbreviation: girls love simple romantics, you know, that's why for our tv viewers.