hello, this is dwight schrute calling from dunder mifflin, and according to our records, you appear to be low on office supplies. (dwight) okay, sure, i can take care of that right now don't sell your implants, please. i'm keeping them. i know you like them. they're kind of uncomfortable though. it's nice though. looks cute. kind of painful and my nipples aren't as sensitive now. looks cute though. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, charlamagne tha god! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> charlamagne: hey! welcome to "the daily show!" i go by the name of charlamagne tha god. hello! [cheers and applause] i'm back for another week of guest hosting! when i left three weeks ago, i said i'd never come back to host so long as henry kissinger was alive. and so here i am. we've got a great show for you tonight. let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's talk about jobs, the things everybody hates going to, until you lose it. last week, the number of americans filing for unemployment benefits rose to its highest level in two years. and there's nothing funny about people losing their jobs. unless it's this guy. >> and historical outcome of the house expelling congressman george santos. he is the first house member removed from the chamber and

over two decades. the fi first and not be convictd of a crime in 150 years or so. >> that george santos dhaka is officially over. 311 members voted to remove santos. 105 of them republicans. >> george santos began putting on his coat even as the vote to expel him was still underway. >> within hours of us have house colleagues voting to make him just the sixth member in history expelled from office, crews were changing the locks on his washington office doors. >> charlamagne: they wasn't playing with him at all. they weren't taking no chances. they changed the locks immediately. though i am not sure that will do anything. this guy stole money from a sick service dog. you think he wouldn't crawl through an air vent? but yeah, that some of my friends, is the end of former congressman george santos. you knew it was coming too. he put on his coat before the boat was even over! well, let me correct myself: he put on a coat. for all we know, there is another congressman, like, somebody stole my coat.

look, this might be unpopular, but i don't think george santos should have been expelled for two reasons. one: we were all safer when we knew where this dude was. now he could be anywhere! he could be at nordstrom using your credit card right now! but more importantly, i don't think congress should come before the court. you shouldn't be able to kick out somebody for crimes they have not been convicted of yet. and i'll tell you why: to get convicted in a court it takes 12 ordinary citizens to judge you. and i trust 12 randos off the street way more than 435 congresspeople. [cheers and applause] because when you really think about it, he just got fired by his coworkers! i don't know if we want to set that precedent. imagine if all of our coworkers could vote on whether we should have a job. we would all be unemployed! and look, i think it is very important to acknowledge, a large part of why he was kicked out is that he is gay.

republicans don't [bleep] with that gay shit. he could never be a full part of their club. yes, he was a scam artist who stole and lied, but republicans are ride or die with all kinds of liars and crooks. i'm just saying, looking at their track record. if you're lgbt, they'll make you gtfo. gtfo plus. let's move on to another group of scammers who got caught scamming. if you remember, back in 2019, a bunch of rich parents and celebrities got busted for faking their kids' college admissions. and one of those celebrities was actress felicity huffman, who white people know from "desperate housewives" and who black people, we simply don't know. well, felicity did her time, and now she's back on the streets to clear her name. >> this morning, felicity huffman is explaining publicly for the first time why she felt the need to break the law to get her daughter into college. >> i felt like i had to give my daughter a chance at a future.

and so it was sort of like my daughter's future, which meant i had to break the law. and i know hindsight is 20/20 but it felt like i would be a bad mother if i didn't do it. >> the oscar nominee paid $15,000 for someone to falsify the results of her daughter's s.a.t. exam. >> she says in this that when the whole incident went down, she actually didn't even think it was real. take a listen to her here. >> they woke my daughters up at gunpoint. again, nothing new to the black and brown community. >> charlamagne: [laughs] damn, man, the poor woman is trying so hard not to be racist that she ends up sounding racist. "nothing new to the black and brown community, they wake up with a gun in their face every day. that is what we do for alarm clocks. "five more minutes, officer, i had a late night."

white guilt is crazy, man. imagine a gun is pointed at your daughter and your first thought is, "black lives matter! like, why are you even bringing black people into this? are you trying to get your daughter into howard or something? felicity really needs to stop doing press about this because it makes her daughter look more and more like the dumbest [bleep] on earth. she's out here going, "i know it was wrong, but i truly had no choice. how else could i help my incredibly dumb daughter, who if i haven't mentioned it yet, is so stupid? i am only as guilty as she is dumb. which is to say, extremely guilty!" by the way, did you notice that her husband, william h. macy, is not involved in this scandal at all? he's the dad, and he doesn't show up in the story ever. police probably didn't even wake him up when they raided the bedroom. "don't worry, mr. h. macy, this doesn't concern you.

go back to sleep. shh, shh, shh." it just goes to show you, sometimes it pays to be checked out as a father. again, nothing new to the black and brown community. [applause] i am black! i can say that, okay? [laughs] and finally, we are less than one year away from the final presidential election in american history. and we all know it's gonna be a choice between donald trump, joe biden, or hanging yourself in the voting booth. but there are some voters who wouldn't mind other options. and a special event on fox news last week gave us an idea of what that might look like. on one side, ron desantis, governor of florida and guy who just wrestled a foul ball from a child. on the other side, gavin newsom, governor of california and the villain in a muppet movie. and here's how it went. >> a fiery face-off between two

top governors with presidential overtones. florida's republican governor ron desantis taking on california's democratic governor gavin newsom. the governors crashed over border security, newsom with the controversial year last year, sending migrants to martha's vineyard. >> you are trolling folks and trying to find migrants to play political games to try to get some news and attention so you can out-trump trump. and by the way, how is that going for you, ron? you're down 41 points in your own home state. >> this is a map of san francisco. there is a lot of plots on that. you may be asking, what is that plotting? well, this is an app where they plot the human feces that are found on the streets of san francisco. and you see how almost the whole thing is covered. >> charlamagne: now, now. ron is not wrong. if you have been to san francisco lately, i'm sure you've noticed a lot of shit on the streets. and obviously, he's going to keep track of it because he doesn't want to get any of it on

his high heels. but is this really a smart campaign move for desantis? he's like, "america can't have a crazy old man as president! it should be me, a totally sane man who carries around maps of shit in his pocket!" for more on the debate between newsom and desantis, let's turn live to d.c. with ronny chieng. [cheers and applause] now, ronny, this broadcast got huge ratings for fox news, but does it justify having this kind of debate? >> yeah, this debate was great. we got to hear from a guy who's not going to be president and the other guy who is not going to be president. this was a bigger waste of airtime then softcore porn. who doesn't know about regular hard-core porn? these debates are a bunch of desperate people having meaningless fights.

it's a cheap ratings stunt, and quite frankly, america deserves better. >> charlamagne: that is interesting, ronny. our debates are cheap ratings stunt? that is a subject of tonight's debate. let's bring in desi lydic. [cheers and applause] desi, your thoughts? you have 60 seconds. >> what the [bleep] is going on? >> thanks for having me tonight, charlamagne. as the daughter of a father, i believe this country runs on televised debates. times like this, i think of rita, the daughter of a mother, who works the night shift as a lunch lady in the cornfield. she cries herself to sleep every night, thinking about ronny chieng. america, we can do better. >> charlamagne: thank you, desi. ronny, your response? >> who is is rita? what is going on? how did i get on a debate stage? guys, i'm not participating in a stupid debate about a debate. >> that is debatable.

look, don't just take my word for it. let's look at the numbers, charlamagne. this is a map of all the places in new york city where ronny chieng has pooped. as you can see, it is alarming. >> okay, i have ibs! so what? this is not your business, okay? again, i am not debating here. but if i was, this is just a cheap stunt. >> i guess ronny doesn't want america to know the truth. i urge all voters to visit ronnydumps.com. >> who cares why pooped? >> call me a constitutionalist but i think the american people deserve to know that you pooped three times at the 9/11 mem memorial. >> charlamagne: that seems high, ronny. anything you want to say about that? >> i didn't poop three times. one was a false alarm. stop, this is stupid! two random people arguing about this. >> charlamagne: you know what,

ronny, i agree with you. you are absolutely right. we should bring in a third opinion. welcome to the stage michael kosta! [cheers and applause] now michael, as an independent correspondent, your thoughts? >> we do not need michael to step in here. >> you know, well of course, ronny doesn't think so. here is where there is only room for only two sides in this debate. look, maybe i don't fit the establishment of mold, you know, 90% of my donations are a $5 bills that i take from tip jars at coffee shops. but i still deserve to be taken seriously in this debate. but instead, my voice is marginalized by the powers that be. again, nothing new to the black and brown community. >> charlamagne: i want to thank everyone for being here tonight. desi and ronny and michael kosta. when i come back, i will ask you what your favorite music was

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and has a delicious buttery garlic flavored crust... and it's $9.49 making it the lowest price in stuffed crust. and i'm out of time... there was more time. pizza pizza. ♪ limu emu & doug ♪ [bell ringing] and doug says, “you can customize and save hundreds on car insurance with liberty mutual.” he hits his mark —center stage— and is crushed by a baby grand piano. are you replacing me? with this guy? customize and save with liberty bibberty. he doesn't even have a mustache! oh, look! a bibu. [limu emu squawks.] only pay for what you need. ♪ liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." if you listen to music on spotify, you know that last week, they drop their spotify wrapped where everyone found out what music they listen

to the most. i hit the streets to find out who listened to what and then i judge them for it. check it out. all right, it is a time of year where everybody judges everybody for what is on their spotify wrapped playlist fearless doctors and people and see what is on their spotify wrapped playlist, okay? ♪ ♪ would you also you have good taste in music? >> i think so. >> charlamagne: do you think you're spotify wrapped playlist reflects that? >> no. >> yeah. >> charlamagne: you don't look too confident. >> charlamagne: on the count of three come a point at your friend and i want you to say who you think the number one artist on their spotify wrapped. >> one, two, three. >> beyonce! >> beyonce! >> charlamagne: i'm covered my eyes because one of y'all are going to hand me your phone and i will guess who gave me the phone based on what the spotify wrapped wait-list look like. okay? >> okay. >> charlamagne: all right. sza, frank ocean, taylor swift. a lot of mayonnaise on his

playlist, guys. you are a swift-i.e.? it is you. >> this is my first time is here. >> she's had a great year. >> charlamagne: who do you got? what are you? beyonce? miley cyrus? okay. miley cyrus? >> her last album was excellent. >> charlamagne: coldplay. >> it is the music of a desert. >> charlamagne: ludwig? >> very cool. hans zimmer. >> charlamagne: who the hell is bob zimmer? >> you think it is cool to go through people's list? >> oh, no. >> no. [laughter] >> charlamagne: do you think it is okay to judge people based on their sex? >> gender, no. >> no. >> charlamagne: what about their spotify wrapped playlist? >> yeah, absolutely. >> yeah. [laughter] >> not even a question. >> charlamagne: why do you all get so judgmental when it comes

to that? >> i think it is very telling of lifestyle, interests, obvious. >> there are so many people that they say they listen to one artist and then the wrapped comes out and taylor swift is number one. [laughter] >> charlamagne: you -- are you upset that they like taylor swift or they lie about liking taylor swift? >> maybe both. i'm not upset about it. >> i value honesty. >> charlamagne: okay. what is the last thing you saw on somebody's playlist that made you go ugh. >> hamilton. [laughter] >> heavy metal music. like, nothing against it, but it is not something personally i am into. >> it is a little too hardcore for me. >> charlamagne: did it make you feel like they might worship the devil? >> i hope not. [laughter] >> not that far. >> charlamagne: no. we don't have to be that inclusive. >> the everyone needs to post it on the story, everyone needs to tell you. >> may be country music. >> charlamagne: you have

taylor swift on your playlist! do you think you log a lot of minutes on your spotify? let me see what you got. 31,655. that is decent. >> it's whatever. >> charlamagne: do you think you need a hobby or something? >> listen -- >> nice. >> i am producing everything. >> charlamagne: started new craft. i would tell you get a girlfriend or something. >> are you guys friends right now? [laughter] >> nobody. >> it's all right, we have each other. >> charlamagne: and you got over 66000 minutes listened of r&b? how much sex are you having? [laughter] would you ever ghost or dump somebody because of what is on their spotify wrapped playlist? >> i would dump them if they didn't have one because they are using apple music. >> charlamagne: wow! damn! >> what about your wrapped? >> oh, my god.

>> definitely not that. [laughter and cheering] >> charlamagne: when we come back, author s.a. cosby will be joining me on the show. so don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the award-winning and best-selling author from southeast virginia. his latest hit thriller is "all the sinners bleed" and the audible original "brokedown prophets." please welcome s.a. cosby! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hi, brother. >> hi, man.

appreciate it. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> charlamagne: how are you feeling, sir? >> crazy. it's been a crazy year. >> charlamagne: okay. >> feels surreal, man. >> charlamagne: it's been a great year for you. "all the sinners bleed" made "the washington post" best thrillers of 2023 list, "the new york times" best crime novels of 2023. stephen king reviewed "all the sinners bleed" for "the new york times." he wrote "cosby keeps his eye on the story and the pedal to the metal." what is it like getting a positive review from stephen king? >> it is the craziest thing. i grew up in southeast virginia have very poor. never could afford to buy stephen king books so i'll go to the library and read them and be transported to the world he is creating and for him to say that about me is the best thing ever. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: what i like, though, man, i like your story of how you kept it going. four critically acclaimed novels in just five years.

a lot of your protagonists are african american men in rural virginia. not the typical characters you see in national best-selling thrillers. was it hard to find publishers? did they not understand the world that we come from, coming from south carolina? >> yes, it was very difficult. i had a publisher tell me that my books weren't black enough because they weren't set in philly or new jersey or new york. i was like, but i'm pretty black. i mean, you know. >> charlamagne: there is nothing blacker than the south. >> exactly. >> charlamagne: the heart and soul of black america. >> exactly. >> charlamagne: over 60% of all black people in america live in the south. >> everyone that came north in the great migration came from the south. we started in virginia. we built this country. so for you to tell me, because the people in my books have accents that we are not black enough? it's like, all right, you come to my neck of the woods and see what you think. that's not a threat. i'm just saying. [laughs] >> charlamagne: that sounds like -- what's that song, "catch you in a small town?" >> yeah! >> charlamagne: that's what it sounds like to me. >> they can try. [laughter] >> charlamagne: now "all the sinners bleed" about a black sheriff trying to catch a serial

killer. does it freak you out that you have to start thinking like a serial killer? do you ever think, damn, i would be good at this? >> i really don't think like a serial killer. i had a conversation a couple of years ago with one of my writing idols. he was talking about how difficult it is for him to write really dark stuff. i don't know if it is something wrong with him, something wrong with me, because it don't bother me. i will chop some people in a wood chipper and then go play with my cat. it doesn't bother me. >> charlamagne: in the book, you mean. >> in the book. [laughter] >> charlamagne: we worked together along with kevin hart on the audible original "brokedown prophets." the novel is performed by a full cast instead of a single narrator. when you are writing for an audio production, are you directing it in your head when you write? >> it's funny, i had never written a script or anything like that before. what happened, for me it was all most easier than writing a novel. when you write a novel, you have to describe everything, the internal monologue.

i'm not really good at some things, like describing spaces in a novel. if you built a house based on the way i describe it in a novel, it will be 7 feet long and 12 feet wide. it was an incredible experience for me and an honor to work with you guys. >> charlamagne: we liked working with you too. you say tragic and toxic masculinity runs through your work intentionally. i am aware of toxic masculinity, but what do you mean by tragic? >> i think tragic masculinity is the idea that you can change, you can be better, you can communicate, you can be honest with your feelings, but it's just outside of your reach. it is the idea that you want it. i think when you have someone who is imbued with toxic masculinity, they are not thinking that way. they are not doing any self analysis. my characters, i call it tragic masculinity because they think about the mistakes and regrets and recriminations they have been through. for me, it is almost an optimistic way of looking at a very difficult subject. >> charlamagne: you love the south like i love the south

but you say it is a microcosm for what is wrong with the nation. if you were to write a thriller about the political state we are in, what would you call it? >> "ain't that some shit?" [laughter and cheering] >> charlamagne: "all the sinners bleed" and "brokedown prophets" are available now. we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] >> appreciate it, brother. >> charlamagne: absolutely. >> thank you so much. [cheers and applause] hi, i'm ron reagan, an unabashed atheist. and i'm alarmed, as you may be, by the intrusions of religion into our secular government. that's why i'm asking you to join the freedom from religion foundation, the nation's largest and most effective association of atheists and agnostics

working to keep state and church separate, just like our founders intended. please join the freedom from religion foundation today. ron reagan, lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell. [humming] hey, that's great. but who are the chefs? rookie mistake? great googly moogly. maybe you just need a snickers.

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donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> oxford word of the year goes to rizz. you know what it is? >> you got rizz to. >> thank you? >> i heard people saying it but i didn't know what it meant and i was too ashamed to ask. >> they weren't applying it to you. >> so true. >> charisma. >> oh! >> got some rizz going along. >> got some rizz. >> got to get rizz like that. >> oh, boy. >> it is cringe you all right. >> it is cringe you all right. >> not y ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪