and i never die. it doesn't sound like much, but it's enough for me. - ow. - good, good. just keep it on there for another five minutes. let the swelling go down. - oh, thank you. thanks. i owe you one, dwight. - fire jim. - no. - i'm cashing in the favor. fire him! - what are you talk-- - do it! promote me. tri-managers? - forget that. - can i have an office? - no. - you know what? you can keep your stupid favor. it's worthless. and this is my dinner on your face. i'm keeping it! - oh, that feels better. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, charlamagne tha god! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> charlamagne: welcome to "the daily show!" i go by the name of charlamagne the god. hello, everybody! [cheers and applause] let me tell you, the holiday spirit is definitely in the air tonight. human resources told me i can't say which holiday, so whichever is your favorite, that's the vibe. we've got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] as we all know, the presidential election is in full swing. pollsters are interrupting your dinner, campaign ads are interrupting your tv shows, and people are intentionally visiting iowa again. so let's check in on the latest developments in our ongoing election coverage, with "doomocracy 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's start with donald trump.

the only rich person who has never heard of ozempic. no yesterday, we were talking about how everyone is worried that if trump gets back into the white house, he will declare himself a dictator. and now trump is firing back saying, hell yeah, i am. >> at a town hall overnight with sean hannity, donald trump was asked what should have been an easy question. would he abuse the power of the presidency during his second term? >> i want to be very, very clear on this. to be clear, do you in any way have any plans whatsoever, if re-elected president, to abuse power? to break the law? to use the government to go after people? >> you mean like they're using right now? >> he dodged the question, but minutes later, hannity pressed him again for an answer. >> under no circumstances, you are promising america tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody. >> except for day one. except for day one. >> meaning? >> i want to close the border

and i want to drill, drill, drill. >> that's not retribution. >> i love this guy. he says, you're not going to be a dictator, are you? i said, no, no, no, other than day one. [audience reacts] >> charlamagne: yep. here we go again. once again, trump telling us exactly what he is going to do and no one is believing him. you trump supporters are all of my mentions with your clown about it saying, you democratic shell, you are overreacting. trump is not a dictator. he is telling you. okay? no, it doesn't make it any better that he says he will just be a dictator for one day. saying you're gonna be dictator for one day is like having sex with your partner and telling her you are only going to pump ones. ladies, would you all believe that shit? exactly. no one ever pumps once, on

purpose. and by the way, i can't believe i have to say this, but are you going to be a dictator is not a normal question you should have to ask a presidential candidate. [cheers and applause] if you have to ask your babysitter, are you going to eat my kids, it doesn't matter what their answer is. the fact that you needed to ask them means you should get another babysitter. so donald trump is currently running on a platform of dictatorship family only man standing in his way he is president joe biden, seen here looking at his own approval ratings. people have been questioning why biden hasn't stepped aside and last night, biden gave an answer that just raises more questions. >> not the president find its candid new remark on why he is running for reelection. >> during the closed-door fund-raiser tuesday, biden told supporters, "if trump wasn't running, i'm not sure i would be running, but we cannot let him win." >> just a short time ago, he

renewed his claims that he will be to, watch. >> could any democrat be donald trump other than you? >> you do believe that there are? >> charlamagne: oh, my god. this is biden's ego talking. if you think there are other people that can beat him, step aside, all right? i know you think you've got this in the bag. [applause] i know he thinks he's got this in the bag but the pull mys otherwise. i want biden stepping into beat trump the way i want him stepping into defeat me at a bar fight. i appreciate you carrying but i don't like our chances! the point is, we don't need biden to be donald trump, just like we didn't need rbg to stay on the court, okay? maybe if rbg had retired during the obama years, we would still have roe v. wade. maybe. the people said, no, she needs to be there protect roe v. wade, and now look, both of them are

gone. it's true. they are both gone. see, the facts are, biden is not getting any younger. he's not going to get any more popular and he is not getting a new running mate. please, mr. president, give america the ultimate christmas gift and a step aside. [cheers and applause] all right. let's move onto a more important election. every year, "time" magazine announces the person of the y year. so that people remember what "time" magazine is. and this morning, we found out who won in 2023. >> sam jacobs is "time's" editor-in-chief. welcome. you can reveal right now who it is. >> are you ready for it? >> we're ready for it. >> the 2023 "time" person of the year is taylor swift. >> okay. let me just -- let's just get this out of the way, sam, because the world is on fire right now. and, you know, this is person of the year, and it purports to say this is the most influential person or group of persons in

the world this year. you picked taylor. we know about her influence. how did you justify this decision? >> there are a number of different choices that could have represented 2023. i don't think there is anyone who's moved so many people so well as taylor swift did in 2023. >> charlamagne: "yeah. also, my teenage daughter doesn't speak to me and i thought this would help." [applause] but yes, taylor swift is "time"'s person of the year. which is terrible news for taylor swift! have you seen how the past few winners of this are doing? last year, zelensky won. how is ukraine doing now? year before that, elon musk got the cover. how is twitter doing now? year before that, biden and kamala got the cover. enough said! [laughs] forget travis kelce, if this pattern keeps up, taylor swift is gonna be dating the punter for the new york jets next year.

but the question is, does taylor swift deserve to be person of the year? to discuss, we turn to ronny chieng and michael kosta! [cheers and applause] let's start with you, ronny. why did taylor deserve this cover? >> well, as a swiftie, i can say, isn't it obvious? a massive tour that generated $5 billion for the u.s. economy, a movie about that tour that saved movie theaters, and she made football even more popular! not to mention the breakup that she got me through. i was getting dumped on purpose just to enjoy those songs more. >> charlamagne: good point, ronny. that's the pro-taylor side. let's go to michael kosta. give us the anti-taylor side. >> what? no, no. i'm not doing the anti-taylor side.

when did this happen? i'm not going to criticize taylor swift on television. she deserves all her success, and her music is great, she was terrific in that "cats" movie. i wish nothing but the best for her and her army of incredibly passionate and defensive fans. [laughter and applause] >> charlamagne: michael, i'm very confused, you were telling me earlier today how stupid you thought it was to give her person of the year. >> no, no, no, no, no, charlamagne, that is not what i said. i wasn't talking about taylor swift, and you weren't even talking to me. i've never even said words until now. how my doing? listen, listen, can't we just talk about something a bit less controversial? i've got some strong opinions about palestine. >> charlamagne: don't be afraid, kosta! remember earlier, you said you couldn't believe, with everything going on in the world, they would give person of the year to some overrated singer-songwriter.

you said that. who dances like phoebe from "friends." yes, that was you. you said, and i quote, "i wish conway l mike daum at kanye would interrupt her more." >> charlamagne! charlamagne! i have a family! please! i didn't say anything like that about taylor. that wasn't even me. i think you confused me with ronny. that sounds like something ronny would say! you know him, he's always like: "i hate everything, including taylor swift had babies and puppies. [bleep] these bloggers." >> charlamagne, these taylor swift haters like @michaelkosta on instagram and tiktok, they disgust me! first, despite michael says, the way taylor swift dances makes her relatable. and two, she can easily fulfill all the responsibility of "time"'s person of the year.

she could pose for the cover, she can hang on the wall, and then that's it. those are the responsibilities. >> charlamange: michael, he's got you there. are you at the airport? what are you doing? >> what does it look like i'm doing, you loose-lipped snitch bitches? i'm fleeing the country! i need to hide out somewhere safe. one ticket to north korea, please. they don't have any internet there, right? >> charlamagne: come on, kosta, you really think the swifties aren't gonna find you? >> that's why i'm changing my name to something generic. like, john... mayer? >> charlamagne: all right, good luck with that , my brother. michael kosta and ronny chieng, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we'll find out the truth about vivek ramaswamy. so don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

hi, i'm ron reagan, an unabashed atheist. and i'm alarmed, as you may be, by the intrusions of religion into our secular government. that's why i'm asking you to join the freedom from religion foundation, the nation's largest and most effective association of atheists and agnostics working to keep state and church separate, just like our founders intended. please join the freedom from religion foundation today. ron reagan, lifelong atheist, not afraid of burning in hell.

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(♪♪) i work hard, and i want my money to work hard too. so, i use my freedom unlimited card. earning on my favorite soup. aaaaaah. got it. earn big with chase freedom unlimited. how do you cashback? chase. make more of what's yours. choose duracell to make the most of holiday magic. because before you know it, they're... moody teenagers! ugh! (sfx: toy hits floor) holiday magic is fleeting. don't risk it to save a few cents. trust duracell. (duracell mnemonic) [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." tonight was the final debate of the g.o.p. primary, featuring three well-known politicians, and one newcomer with surprising staying power. who is this upstart, who donald trump is reportedly considering as a potential running mate? well, he's the subject of our latest "daily show-ography."

♪ ♪ >> americans are divided, fighting over everything, from beer to voting etiquette, to whether that [bleep] is real. sometimes, it can seem like they are living in different realities. luckily, there is a presidential candidate who exists in every reality. >> today, i am announcing my run for president of the united states. >> a powerful being who can travel between dimensions without even pausing for breath. >> president trump was the best president of the 21st century. as u.s. president, i would have made different judgments that donald trump made. climate change agenda is a hoax. climate change is also real. by the way, cancel juneteenth. happy juneteenth, everybody. i am very opining wow open to banning tiktok. yes, i am officially on tiktok. >> pop some dramamine because this is the "daily show-ography" of vivek ramaswamy. enter the ramaverse.

vivek ramaswamy was born on earth prime to immigrants in cincinnati, ohio. he learned at an early age how to navigate the multiverse, being raised hindu but educated at a catholic school, and eventually, using both to his benefit to benefit. >> i share those same judeo-christian values, more so than even many self-professed christians. >> you see, vivek is more christian than most christians. because he is hindu. by the end of high school, he already knew that time is a flat circle. >> the word "commencement" comes from the french word, which means "to begin." yet, we begin the same word commencement to set the ceremony marking the end of our focal year high school experience. >> this bright young man on a dictionary. after graduation, ramaswamy went on to study at harvard and yale and came out a man of the people. >> i think many people are like me. people who are disgusted with

the establishment. >> yet separately, harvard and yale are the establishment, but together, they cancel each other out, like a hamburger and a salad. after law school, ramaswamy was ready to tackle the world. one version of him became a stand-up comic. >> i was actually a one-time aspiring stand-up comedian in new york city myself. >> another became a pro tennis player. >> i'm a tennis fanatic. if the path was open to me to pursue that career, i would have done it. >> any third enter the business world is the founder of a company that sounded scientific but also wasn't. instead of developing its own products, or even by failed drugs from real summer critical companies and try to find uses for them because those drugs might not work in our universe, but maybe he could sell them in the universe where they did. many of the secondhand drugs failed, but in the multiverse, failure and success are all the same thing anyway. as a hardheaded businessman, ramaswamy had no interest in the world of politics. >> i was out of politics back

then. i was an apolitical guy. >> he was propelled into yet another alternate life i the only force powerful enough to rip a hole in the space-time continuum. woke nests. >> i was a ceo, who, like so many ceos, was probably sitting to potentially making statements on behalf of black lives matter after george floyd died. amongst ceos in america, i was unique in saying that i refused to do it. >> it takes a brave man to take a stand against sympathy for the dead and the republican party took notice. as an indian american who isn't indian-american, ramaswamy was just the person to ensure white conservatives that, while racism exists, it also does not. >> i am sure that white supremacist exist somewhere in america, but i never met them. i might meet a unicorn sooner. >> that's right, vivek is not never met someone who hates people of color except for the guy who cuts his hair. in 2023, this antielite outsider with nearly a billion dollars in

ivy league connections was ready to quantum leap into the oval office. but which recent president what he model himself after? yes. >> you have to give vivek credit for following the trump playbook to a t. >> i am sorry, you're fired. >> don lemon, you are fired. >> they are saying you are the republican obama. >> a skinny kid with a funny name. >> skinny guy with a funny last name. >> e pluribus unum come out of many one. >> e pluribus unum. from many, one. >> from many. >> yes. ramaswamy shamelessly borrowed from two men who won the presidency and yet he simultaneously will never be president. remarkable. ramaswamy picked up supporters in one dimension is a classical pianist. ♪ ♪ entered another, as an equally accomplished rapper. my name is vivek, it rhymes with cake. the united states united states is about to liberty. back to reality.

gravity. >> there goes mom's spaghetti. were not spitting bars, ramaswamy is talking about the issues become a familiar issues, like closing the mexican border, but also the upside down version of that. >> don't just build the wall, build both walls. >> and who is going to pay for it? mexico can fly? ramaswamy is a thoroughly modern republican and also come he's not republican. >> i have to cringe when someone says fellow republicans. >> he is a man whose principles make him strong and also weak. >> your greatest strength. >> the firmness of my convictions. >> biggest weakness? >> firmness of my convictions. [laughter] >> indeed, has firmness of conviction is like a coin. has two sides and ultimately isn't worth very much. but that is the genius of vivek ramaswamy. he is not merely a christian hindu elite everyman successful failure classical wrapper independent republican anti-immigrant child of immigrants.

he is everything everywhere all at once. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: when we come back, michael rubin will be joining me on the show. so don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause] ♪ just hear those sleigh bells jingling ♪ ♪ and ring tingle tingling too ♪ ♪ (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding) ♪ ♪ come on, it's lovely weather ♪ ♪ for a sleigh ride together with you ♪ ♪ (ring-a-ling-a ding-dong-ding) ♪ applebee's new holiday combos are ending soon. starting at $13.99.

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[humming] hey, that's great. but who are the chefs? rookie mistake? great googly moogly. maybe you just need a snickers. ( ♪♪ ) care counts by whirlpool has helped thousands of kids stay in school... by installing washers and dryers for students in need. ( ♪♪ ) learn more at whirlpool.com [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an entrepreneur, philanthropist, and social justice advocate. he's the ceo of fanatics and the co-founder of the reform alliance. please welcome michael rubin! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ my guy! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

how are you, sir? >> doing amazing, how are you? >> charlamagne: i am blessed, black, and highly favored, man. >> that is a pretty good response, i like that. >> charlamagne: you are worth $11.5 billion, michael rubin. how do you make your money? i am a pocket watch her. >> brick by brick, working my ass off. >> charlamagne: is that a dream? you sit around at 12, i'm going to be a billionaire one day? >> not at all. i realize you go to what you are good at and it was literally good and i think what working. i gravitate to what i love to do. >> charlamagne: you do a lot of work in criminal justice reform, due to reform alliance. >> yeah, so reform alliance is focused on changing the very broken probation and parole system. what is crazy to me is that 25% of the people that go to prison, jail each year don't go for committing a crime. they literally have what is called a technical violation and they go to prison for not committing a crime. you know the story of meek mill, who is family to i think each of us, he popped a wheel on a motorcycle, he went -- got sentenced to prison for 2-4

years for not committing a crime. that was the inspiration to start reform alliance and we have now changed 17 bills, 11 states, we have reduced 700,000 people. [cheers and applause] 700,000 people have less probation than before we started this less than five years ago and we have amazing founders, jay-z, you know, meek mill, robert kraft, myself, laura arnold, we have so many amazing members that have come together. by the way, the republicans, democrats, bringing people together to fix the really screwed up and broke in criminal justice system. >> charlamagne: let's talk about fanatics. you are the ceo of fanatics, one-stop shop for sports fans. talk about the fanatics athletes immersion program. >> yeah, one thing i feel as we are blessed to do what we do. we are really lucky to work with so many great athletes, we work with 300 incredible athletes. we wanted to come up with a program to help athletes figure out what they are going to do when they get done playing.

we are now building a program that next year, together with usc, we will have 60 professional athletes in all the major sports come and intern at fanatics and they will also -- they will start with the internship program, at fanatics and usc to do all the different parts. they are working in the live commerce division, trading card division, working on the online sports betting, merchandise, just working on all the different things that we do. we did our first class a few weeks ago. it was incredible. wnba players, major league baseball players. they had so much fun. great for me to feel like we could help them figure out, when they get done playing, what are they going to do next? >> charlamagne: is there an uptick in the wnba jerseys? >> definitely an uptick in the wnba jerseys and more upticks to be had. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: dope, dope. now michael, you throw what is now an infamous white party in the hamptons. it is called a white party -- >> small party for a few friends. >> charlamagne: small party. it's called a white party because everyone wears white. not because everyone is white. just want y'all to know. >> i think our diversity is pretty good. >> charlamagne: you have an amazing diversity. want to talk about that.

this infamous photo, i call you the notorious h-u-g. you like to hug rappers from the back. >> listen, i am a hugger. i am a hugger. i'm making hugging cool in 2024. that is my goal. fanatics, reform alliance, it's all about making everybody hug in 2024. it's why you are going to give me a big hug at the end of this. [cheers and applause] let's go, let's go. all right. and it wasn't from the back! there is no liquor in that cup. we will take a quick break. we will be right back after this. michael rubin, y'all. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ ♪ “it's love” by chris knox ♪

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>> charlamagne: that's our show for tonight. here it is, your "moment of zen." >> your question is, on the wrong guy to ask that question too. i never quit. i am not working for some members sitting in the conference, i am working for the country and i'm never going to give up of the american people. i'm going to work every day. you know what, if i come up short today, i am going to work harder tomorrow. that