all right, all is in order. i just need your signature. what is it? - nothing. - all right. how would you like to celebrate? - just pour yourself a cup of apple juice. i feel sick. - what...? - i couldn't find your ipod. just give me a couple days... be out of your hair. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, charlamagne tha god! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> charlamagne: welcome to "the daily show!" i go by the name of charlamagne tha god. hello! now, this is my last night as guest host. [audience reacts] but don't feel sad, because originally i was only supposed to do four nights, but then they brought me back and i lasted eight nights. so it's a black hanukkah miracle! [cheers and applause] we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with the big political news. last night was another debate between all the republican candidates who aren't going to win. it's like the national spelling bee without the asian kids. [laughs] and we've got all the details in our continuing coverage of "doomocracy 2024."

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] there was a lot to talk about in this debate, starting with vivek ramaswamy, millionaire businessman and the guy who puts the "dick" in "valedictorian." over the last few debates, ramaswamy has built up a bit of a reputation for being a world-class asshole. and this debate was no different. >> one thing that joe biden and nikki haley have in common is that neither of them could even state for you three provinces in eastern ukraine that they want to send our troops to actually fight for. look at the blank expression. she doesn't know the names of the provinces that she wants to actually fight for. the only person more fascist than the biden regime now is nikki haley. nikki, i don't have a woman problem, you have a corruption problem and that's what people need to know. nikki is corrupt. this is a woman who will send your kids to die so she can buy a bigger house. chris, do everybody a favor, just walk yourself off that

stage, enjoy a nice meal, and get the hell out this place. why am i the only person on this stage at least who can say, that january 6th now does look like it was an inside job? that the government lied to us for 20 years about saudi arabia's involvement in 9/11, that the great replacement theory is not some right wing conspiracy theory, that the 2020 election was indeed stolen by big tech. that the 2016 election, the one that trump won for sure, was also one that was stolen from him by the national security establishment. >> okay, thank you. >> charlamagne: [laughs] i didn't it want him to get cut off. i wanna know where bigfoot lives! this dude is up here spewing every conspiracy in the book. 9/11, stolen election, replacement theory. he is right about january 6 being an inside job, though. i mean, the whole thing was orchestrated by the president. you can't get more inside than that.

[cheers and applause] and by the way, going after haley for supposedly not knowing three provinces in ukraine just makes haley seem relatable. none of us know shit about ukraine! we just put that flag in our bio and call it a day. and when he told chris christie to go enjoy a nice meal, that was supposed to be a factual, right? i mean, it was definitely a more subtle fat joke than i expect from us butte vivek. he's such an asshole, i figured he'd say something like, "they call your state new jersey or, "hey, chris, if this president thing doesn't work out, don't worry: i heard they're doing an all-white reboot of "precious." [laughs] or he could just hold up a sign that says "thicc"." if you want to be their new trump, don't be subtle about it. say what you want about chris christie. he was the only person on the stage who knew why donald trump getting reelected would be huge

problem for the country. >> i'm in this race because the truth needs to be spoken. he is unfit. this is a guy who just said this past week that he wants to use the department of justice to go after his enemies when he gets in there. this is an angry, bitter man who now wants to be back as president because he wants to exact retribution on anyone who has disagreed with him, anyone who has tried to hold him to account for his own conduct. do i think he was kidding when he said he was a dictator? all you have to do is look at the history. you want to know why those poll numbers are where they are because folks like these three guys on the stage make it seem like his conduct is acceptable. let me make it clear. his conduct is unacceptable. he's unfit. >> charlamagne: good for chris christie. [applause] good for christie! got to give him his props. although, it does show just how out of touch he is with the republican base. he's like, "guys! donald trump is going to be a dictator!" and the whole audience is like, "we know! we can't wait!" and christie is right.

other republicans should be speaking out against trump's authoritarian aspirations. hearing someone say they want to become a dictator is like hearing someone say they want to start a podcast. you should be doing everything you can to stop them! then, of course, there's nikki haley, who has recently surged into first place among all the candidates who are in distant second place. although, based on this debate, i guess she doesn't think she needs the youth vote? >> we really do need to ban tiktok once and for all. and let me tell you why. for every 30 minutes that someone watches tiktok every day, they become 17% more anti-semitic, more pro-hamas based on doing that. >> charlamagne: hold up, tiktok makes you anti-semitic? elon must be shitting himself right now, like, "they're muscling in on my turf!" for real, man.

[laughs] this is the weirdest stand i have heard since that one about eating eight spiders a year in your sleep. how do they know that? is someone watching me while i'm sleeping? and if they are, why aren't they stopping me from eating all these spiders? listen, nikki, first, you hated tiktok because of privacy concerns, now you hate it because of anti-semitism. just admit it. you can't figure out how to go viral, and you are jealous. now, one topic that didn't come up in the debate last night was gun violence. which is a little surprising because there were actually two mass shootings just yesterday: one in las vegas and one in texas. but it's also not surprisingly didn't talk about it, because it's the same thing after every shooting. republicans want to talk about anything except guns. >> guns aren't the problem. it is people who pick up guns and because the crime. >> at the end of today, the problem is the human heart. it's not guns. >> anybody who shoots somebody else has a mental health

challenge. period. >> we stop teaching values and so many of our schools, now we are teaching woke-nice, we are a donkey waiting our children are things like crt. >> transgender hormone treatments and ideology increase the risk of aggression and even violence. >> all the bad stuff that is out there, these violent video games that are out there, getting in the minds of our children, why don't we do something about it? >> charlamagne: did this really dude say that porn and video games turn kids into shooters? those two things keep kids at home. if anything -- [laughs] no, it's true. [applause] [laughs] i mean, if anything, we should ban schools. that is where the school shootings happen. but this guy is wondering, what would it take to get a g.o.p. politician to get the guy to say guns. take a look. >> welcome to the final railroad

of $1 million republican pyramid. you just have to get this republican congressman to gas one word. and you win $1 million. your time starts now. ♪ ♪ >> okay. it is the reason america has so many mass shootings. >> wokeness. >> no. why do mass shootings only happen in america? >> violent video games. >> i said only in america. >> because we don't say the pledge of allegiance anymore. >> mass shootings, why do they happen? >> oh, mental health crisis. drag shows. smartphones! marijuana. single mothers. >> no. >> married mothers. >> no. >> just mothers. >> i know you know this. they kill 30,000 people per year. >> should have said this. swimming pools. >> jesus christ. they have bullets. >> powerpoints. >> they have bullets and they are dangerous for schoolchildren. >> powerpoints about gender. >> okay. imagine a mass shooting just happened.

>> if i may... ♪ ♪ i would like to offer my thoughts and prayers. >> we don't have time for this! just say guns! [buzzer] guns. why couldn't you just say guns? the answer was guns. >> mary, it is too soon to politicize this. >> charlamagne: [laughs] [cheers and applause] all right. when we come back, i'll tell you who should be the next president. so don't you go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

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♪ and i want you ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." as you all know, we're a year out from the election. and even though it seems like the two nominees are inevitable, there are still some potential options out there. no! never you, desantis. i'm talking about candidates that have main character energy, like this guy. >> after leaving "shark tank" and selling his stake in his nba team, does mark cuban want to run for president? >> billionaire mark cuban, he just sold his majority stake in the dallas mavericks. why did he do that? >> my opinion? running for president or at least exploring a run. >> mark cuban makes sense. he's very famous. he can self-fund, and he would have sort of the right approach to go mix things up in the general election. >> oh, my gosh. okay, i'm a huge mark cuban fan. he obviously knows how to run

businesses. i'm a huge fan. i hope he does run for president. >> you know who i like? and he's not a politician. mark cuban. mark cuban. >> charlamagne: okay. an outsider billionaire with a reality show about business! hmm. why has no one ever thought of that? i just hope he has a bunch of corrupt kids. now, look, there are obviously differences between trump and mark cuban. for example, cuban is an actual billionaire. he made his money the honest way, by inventing the cuban sandwich. he also owns a basketball team, which means he actually wants to hire black people. but this news got me thinking about how thirsty we still are for a celebrity in chief, and the concept isn't new. before trump, celebrities from arnold schwarzenegger to ronald reagan all succeeded in politics. and it makes sense. they've got huge name i.d., they're charismatic, and they

already lie for a living! that's like 90% of the job! the other 10% is pardoning turkeys and invading the middle east. but this year, the stakes feel higher. americans who don't want another president trump are worried that the current president doesn't have the star power to beat him. even though biden is almost the combined age of four jenna ortegas! now called me on fashion, but i prefer our politicians come from politics. i know it is weird. it's like how i want my surgeons to come from medical school, and not "grey's anatomy." but hey, if it takes a celebrity to beat donald trump, then all right, let's play that game. but why stop at mark cuban? there's lots of celebrities out there who would make good presidents. for example, how about the rock? [cheers and applause] seriously, why not? he's got the name recognition, he could literally carry this country on his back, and polls already show that he's got more support than biden. i mean, i don't know anything

about his politics, or his ideas for the country, but on the other hand, he's tall. so, yeah! run for president! or here's another option: how about keanu reeves? [cheers and applause] that's a great choice, just because we could replace the entire military industrial complex with john wick. you send him to moscow and that war is over by breakfast. although, if his dog starts biting secret service agents, you don't want to be the guy who has to take his dog away. now, of course, oprah would be an amazing option because... she's [bleep] oprah. if you ask why she needs to be president, you will be the first to be deported. or, about how a president who has sat in this very chair? no, not me. i love taking bribes too much. but what about jon stewart? [cheers and applause] he's a voice folks trust. he got a common sense perspective. he's gotten more legislation passed than most members of

congress. plus, i asked everyone in the building, and not one person had any dirt on him. which means he's really good at hiding his dirt! you ain't never gonna find his pee tape. and for all of you saying, "we can't have a short jewish comedian running our country" guess what, they did it in ukraine. and everything in ukraine is going great, let's move on! what about matthew mcconaughey? no matthew mcconaughey. [laughs] what about beyonce? sorry, swifties, she is still too young, and she was born in kenya. listen, before we dive back into bed with celebrity candidate, we got to be honest about how effective they would really be. just because you know how to run a company, it doesn't mean you don't want to run country. just because you can play a politician, it doesn't mean you know how to legislate. just because you can stop bullets with your hand...

that might be helpful actually. it would've helped kennedy. [audience reacts] i'm not saying celebrities can't become politicians, but maybe we don't let them start at president. because you can't squeeze years of political experience into a training montage. and besides, if celebrities want to run the country, they already have a place for that in our society. and that place is the illuminati. all right, when we come back, jelly roll will be joining me on the show. so don't you go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

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they know a 10 when they see it. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a grammy-nominated singer-songwriter whose latest album is called "whitsitt chapel." please welcome jelly roll! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hey, jelly! [cheers and applause] >> what's up! >> charlamagne: my guy. >> thank you! thank you! >> charlamagne: that's right. they all wishing you happy birthday. your birthday was on monday, right? >> yes, sir. >> charlamagne: and you celebrated a number one record with "save me." >> yes, sir. yes, sir. >> charlamagne: what a birthday present. >> having the best week, baby. now i'm on "the daily show" with charlamagne tha god, baby!

>> charlamagne: you know i love "save me"." and you posted, i know this is a little different for me but i'm wondering if this should make the album or not. y'all let me know below. why do you think the song shouldn't make the album? >> man, insecurity, the voice of negativity that gets in all of our ears. the one we fight every day. i'm glad i fought enough to put it up. >> charlamagne: absolutely. did "save me" taking off change your perspective on the type of music you do and how you release it? just three years ago, it came out, but it just went number one on the country charts this week. >> sometimes you have to let a song find people. music meets us where it where we are. that's the beauty of it, charlamagne. music is therapeutic. it's there to help and heal. it is a constant and a light. in the life that doesn't have many constants in it. finally i am glad to see the song finally touch people. >> charlamagne: i love your story too, man. 15 years ago, you were in prison and i you are a grammy nominated musician. i guess my question is -- [cheers and applause] yes. so my question is, should everybody go to prison?

>> [laughs] >> charlamagne: to find success? >> exactly. they are giving it away free. [laughter] i promise. it is really easy to get there. [laughter] three hots and a cot. you got a guaranteed bed, three meals a day, it's all good. might see a high school friend! [laughter] >> charlamagne: i love your song "she" too, man, where you address the heroin and fentanyl epidemic. why is this sng so important to you? >> i think it is important as an artist for us to talk about the things that we are afraid to talk about an artist sometimes is an expression of what words are even afraid to say. i think it is a responsibility as a songwriter to write those kind of songs and the fentanyl epidemic is sickening. what's happening in america right now is absolutely sickening. i think it is 14 -- thank you. thank you, all. [applause] i think i heard a statistic that it is 14 people an hour overdose and die in the united states of america every hour on the hour.

>> charlamagne: damn. >> 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, 366 days in a leap year. i'm that country. if you think about those numbers alone, it shows you that it has affected every household, every side of the aisle, everybody in america has been affected by this some way or the other and i think it is time we stand up and do something about it. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: that's right. what would you tell people who are struggling with that addiction? >> i would tell them that there is hope. my biggest message, actually, i had my first viral clip, charlamagne, i don't know if you know it. >> charlamagne: i reposted. >> you helped it go viral. i was talking about how it is so important for us to recognize that our windshield is bigger than our rearview mirror for a reason because what is in front of us is more important than what is behind us. who we were is not who we are. [applause] >> charlamagne: that's right, that's right. >> it was for new artist of the year the cmas.

was that prewritten or did your hip-hop kicking and that was a freestyle laptop? what was that? >> it was the old-school freestyle. half-and-half. i didn't think i was going to win. i thought zach bryan had it by a landslide, i think he is one of the most incredible artists on earth and i was prepared == him, in fact, i put my hand on his shoulder and said, be sure to shut me out and winked at him. when i walked up there, i held it up and it said 57. 56. 55. i said, boy, you better say something matters. i just kept -- if you ever come to a jelly roll show -- i encourage y'all to buy a ticket. if you ever come to a jelly roll show, you will see that i call it the back row baptism because it is like a southern tent revival. i do something like that every night on stage. >> charlamagne: you had some black pastor in you when you gave that speech. >> i'm from antioch, tennessee. we went to a 100 person church, it was 70% black, 30% white poor people. i just -- >> charlamagne: same difference. >> that line is razor-thin. [laughter] >> charlamagne: do you feel pressure to deliver another great acceptance speech after that one went viral? >> no, because i don't expect to

win anything. [laughter] >> charlamagne: stop! i saw you say that, man. >> nominated for grammy and i'm like, dude, i'm afraid if i actually won a grammy, charlamagne, i would snot rocket the whole time. >> charlamagne: that would definitely go viral. >> they would have to turn the music on and i'm weeping like a child. >> charlamagne: it would be dope. you could be the new michael jordan meme. >> i'm worried that is going to happen anyway. that is my aspiration, charlamagne. [laughter] >> charlamagne: you got two grammy nominations, but you said you don't feel like you deserve either one. why is that? you still dealing with imposter syndrome? >> i'm working through that too because -- also, i am really struggling, i've been killing the ego, it's a big part of me becoming a better person. and then you are in a situation where it's a lot of me, i, i, me, me. i am always trying to fight that battle too, just ground myself in humility and also respect people's art. noah kahan is unbelievable. you know what i mean? he is unbelievable, clearly. i know y'all didn't vote for me.

[laughter] but i would have voted for him too, if i got a vote. i also respect other people's art. >> charlamagne: what does jelly roll feel like he deserves? >> you know, i'm starting to feel better. i start to feel like i deserve this ability to be able to work this hard and to be able to influence this many people and i take that very serious, and that is why i am very, very, very direct about the message i'm trying to present, promote because i feel like i'm a voice for the voiceless and i speak for a group of people that have never been properly spoken for, and i take that very seriously. it gives me a lot of purpose, man. i'm finding purpose in life and that is really cool. >> charlamagne: man, jelly roll, you deserve it all. >> i love you, brother. >> charlamagne: i love you too. absolutely. "whitsitt chapel" is available now. we will take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> charlamagne: that's our show for tonight, and that's my time as host, but you can catch me on "the breakfast club," mondays through fridays, 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. and listen to my podcast "brilliant idiots" with andrew schultz. stay tuned next week, when your guest host will be kal penn! now, here it is. your "moment of zen." ♪ ♪ >> live from london, this is bbc news. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪