.. sing a song... ♪ captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ la la-la la-la la la la-la la-la ♪ ♪ la-la la la la-la la ♪ ♪ sing... ♪ ♪ sing a song ♪ ♪ sing out loud ♪ ♪ sing out strong ♪ ♪ ♪ >> from the most trusted journalist at comedy central, it's america's only source for news! this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> jordan: welcome to "the daily show"! yes! i'm jordan klepper, we've got a great show for you tonight! killer mike is here tonight! [cheers and applause] frankly, it is great to be back. jon stewart kicked things off last night, he worked one day, now he's taking a well-deserved break until next week. but the campaign continues and so do we with "indecision 2024". ♪ ♪ now, for once, the big news in the g.o.p. primary is not about donald trump. it's about nikki haley and what donald trump said about her. >> former president trump taking heat for questioning why

nikki haley's husband has not been with her on the campaign trail. >> wears her husband? oh, he's away. what happened to her husband? what happened to her husband! where is he? he's gone. >> your husband michael is a major with the south carolina army national guard currently deployed in the horn of africa. >> it's disgusting, and let's take it and move me and michael out of it. if you're going to go and criticize a combat veteran, you criticize one veteran, and you're criticizing all of them. >> jordan: wow! that is the spine of a leader. one who will stand up for our troops when donald trump attacks them. i mean, not john mccain. or the gold star families. she worked for trump after that, but if you go after a troop that nikki haley is married to, that is where she draws a very specific line. haley has obviously been hitting this very hard and honestly, i

don't blame her for milking this. the only time the media gives her attention is when donald trump is roasting her. in fact, if i were nikki haley, i would text trump like "hey, donnie, check out this picture of my son's overbite." send. [laughter] with this whole thing might be a misunderstanding. i don't want to be a trump defender. one, because he nevr pays his defense bills. but i honestly don't think he was trying to insult her husband's service, he was just trying to maliciously insinuate that their marriage is collapsing. so, nikki, i think you owe him an apology. [laughter] but, if you are going to engage, nikki, don't just do this "how dare you, have you know decency" thing. because he doesn't. we've seen this. you can't take the high road with donald trump, that off-ramp has been closed since 2016. if if he goes after your missing husband, you go after his

missing wife. [cheers and applause] yes! take the gloves off, take them off! something like "i'm not surprised you can't keep track of one spouse, donald, since two already left you!" boom! [applause] donald, why is it easier to spot a classified document at mar-a-lago than the mother of your children? boom! turns out, the only way your wife would spend time with you is if you golfed on the whole where you buried her. just spitballing here, guys. but the haley-trump feud isn't just about whose spouse hates them the most. it's about the direction of the republican party. something i found out weekend, take a look. ♪ ♪ >> trump is cruising in the g.o.p. primary, get nikki haley

has refused to back out despite losing in three states where she was beaten by the general concept of none of these candidates. so i went down to a campaign stop in her home state to see if she found any cracks in the maga foundation. >> i love nikki haley, what she did for south carolina. i voted for trump twice, and i'm embarrassed. >> she's going up in the polls, she keeps going up. >> she did lose to "none of these candidates" back in ne nevada. >> i know i know. >> the polls aren't great for haley up against trump for this primary. >> i am not smart enough to tell you numbers, but i can tell you one thing, she is certainly not going to get embarrassed in this state. i have a problem with people insinuating she might not have been an effective governor. it really? well, they either lived in another state or they are high as a georgia pine. >> how tall are those trees? >> very! the idea is just to stop trump. >> i'm a republican all my life

but i cannot support from. the g.o.p. nomination. >> staying all the way to the convention because he may not be at the convention because he'll get put in jail or convicted. >> what you think aliens to do to convince those trump voters who say they will never ever ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever ever ever vote for nikki haley? and obviously i'm abbreviating this. >> the crowd was small, but there were people in south carolina hungry for a new choice. i wondered here in her own backyard, what kind of a crowd would trump muster in? oh, shit, his belly was huge and he would say "bigly." >> it's going to be loud. >> it's kind of quiet and businesslike outside but it's a party in the back. >> it's going to be huge.

>> what's going on here? about to say it's a unique placement of his mouth area. >> i loved everything that he has implement in the past so i would love if we could put that back into office to get that going. >> liquid stuff? >> i like border control. >> we should be working to fix what's happening at the border. >> yeah. >> feels like they are just sitting on the hands doing nothing. they brought up a bill to do something in trump said no freaking way. why is that a good idea? >> i don't know. >> okay, so what did they think of trump's only remaining human opponent? >> i think she changed. she's changed. >> nikki who? >> not familiar with nikki haley? she was at the u.n. >> i know, that's a global fascist capital the world. >> to be fair she was pointed by

donald trump. >> but she stabbed him in the back as soon as she could. >> loyalty matters. >> fidelity matters. >> you're not talking about like marital? >> all fidelity matters. >> fidelity matters, have fun and they're inside with donald trump, i don't know if his third wife will be in there with him, i think she might still be mad at him. >> his recent court challenges have inspired a brand-new de demand. >> trump has been talking, he says he thinks he should be immune from the actions he takes while president. you think i should have total immunity? >> otherwise everyone is going to jail. >> you are fine with trump as king? >> yes. >> that's about as american as you can get. king trump. >> however, he isn't asking to be a king, he wants to be a different kind of roller. >> he says you are not going to be a dictator, are you? i said no, no, other than day one. >> a dictatorship for day one? >> and that's what we need. >> what does that actually look like? >> that means about half the people in the department of justice should be arrested and

put behind bars. >> that's like a true dictatorship. >> it needs to happen. >> donald trump says he will be a dictator day one, what you think of that? is not a good idea? >> just get it done. get a inning get it done, let's go. >> he's knocking to be like a hitler dictator, more like a mussolini. a dictator can do that, they can put people in place. the good people are over here, the bad people are over here go log. >> this is what america needs. >> so they are on board with the dictator justice. what about all the big dictator talk? trump said they are poisoning the blood of our country. >> trump kind of speaks in allegories. what he's talking about is the blood of the country has been tainted, people have come here and immigrated, it's a different story. >> and they don't know our american history and our values. >> nor do they respect it. >> when he says poisoning our country it sounds harsh, it sounds much nicer in the original german? >> yeah.

>> while many were on board with dictator 2.0, i did start to see some small cracks in support. like when i found this woman who spent 60 days in prison for her role on january 6th. >> you were a trump supporter? >> absolutely, i was a republican and i was wrong that day. for me to be there, january 6th was an insurrection. >> keep your voice down, this is a trump rally, that's not the most popular take to have right now. >> and this guy, who confessed he's scared about losing his money after investing and a bunch of weird financial maga products like trump debit cards into dubious trump currency. >> i've supported him with checks and gold trump bars, $100 gold thing, i can't get rid of those. a few cards -- >> how does that work? >> the give you a pin number, you go to any atm, couldn't get nothing out. the card has nothing on it. >> do you think it was a scam? >> it might have been, i don't know. >> you've invested a lot in donald trump.

>> yet. everyone is telling me top something -- >> don't buy anything. as a guy who's just getting to know you are, stop it. >> i had this one guy, he wants me to put in more money. >> no! >> i'm afraid if you go in there again we are going to be taken in for a scam. i'm saying there is hope you can make better choices and not give into a scam moving forward. so i think you just walk that way right through those gates. >> we almost saved one person. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: when we come back, we will fix the border crisis. stick around! [cheers and applause]

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seasoned with garlic and cumin.hand-shredded for fall off the fork tenderness. chipotle's braised beef barbacoa. if you know, you know. happy groundhog day! i brought sam adams cold snap and this groundhog... uh-oh. (patrons screaming) bright. citrusy. perfect for spring. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." for months now congress has been working on a deal that would send more military aid to ukraine. because if russia defeats ukraine, and europe is next and then america, and i don't know about you, but i'm never going to be able to learn russian. look at this, there's a 6, a pie symbol, the letter and is backwards, it's wearing a beret

some reason. what the [bleep] am i going to do with this? these people have to be stopped, the entire language is just a very strong password. but the good news is last night the senate finally agreed to a $95 billion foreign aid bill giving money to ukraine, israel, and taiwan. they just stuffed all the current and future wars all into one bill, like a delicious defense turducken. the bad news is, it's already pretty much dead. >> the bill's future is now uncertain due to opposition from republicans, who insist that it also addressed the border crisis. >> open the champagne, popped the cork. a senate democrat leader and a republican leader are on their way to kyiv. they've got $60 billion they are bringing. get the champagne ready and fly to kyiv. on friday, they will take the $60 billion to kyiv, cracked the

champagne and meanwhile, each day, between five to 10,000 people come across the border illegally. >> jordan: does rand paul want some champagne? [laughter] it feels like that's the energy of a drunk x making a wedding toast. sure! pop the champagne, cheryl! you and your new lover are whisking a way to kyiv! you know what? i've got a studio apartment above a weed store, so i'm doing fine! i'm leaving! i'm leaving! you sent the invite, you didn't have to send the invite! [applause] you know what? no. i want a working government, i do. if republicans care that much about a border, the democrats are that much about foreign aid, maybe they can negotiate a compromise. >> that is exactly what senators originally tried to do. a group of bipartisan senators worked for months to negotiate a massive bill that would address foreign aid and the immigration crisis, but then donald trump

derailed it by pressuring republicans to vote against it. >> jordan: oh, right! because they had a border compromise until trump tore it up like it was a federal subpoena. [laughter] frankly, it blows my mind that republicans ejected this bill, it was the strongest border bill in decades but it still wasn't good enough for them. it's like the democrats ask republicans to prom and they said "[bleep] off, we are waiting for jeremy allen white." [laughter] guess what, republicans? you missed out, because chuck schumer is over there in the corner with his dancing shoes on. perfectly nice man who also has a horse [bleep]. just gigantic, you know? just like -- you know those glasses are always falling off? that's the gravitational force -- just a giant horse [bleep] just pulling -- just pulling everything to the gr

ground. it's just -- you missed out, republicans. and republicans, you could have had all that, but trump made them turn it down. the question is why? to offer some analysis, let's turn now to desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause] desi, is there any possibility of compromise on the border? >> oh, you sweet, naive, idealist shit-4-brains. if if the republicans solve the border crisis then trump can't run on the border crisis. the border was the perfect campaign issue, it was scary, it was racist, it had a catchy chance, "build the wall." >> jordan: build -- see, it got me, just like me. >> if they want to get republicans on board with solving issue, they need to give them a new issue they can run

on, some heat, some fresh meat to rile them up. >> jordan: like what? >> like anything, like democrats pass a law that makes all guns gay. republicans would be so pissed and also a little turned on. >> jordan: true. let me try when here. democrats could cut funding for after-school programs. >> they don't give a shit about that. >> jordan: okay, they could make after-school programs gay! >> yeah! now you are getting it! republicans needed campaign issue that scares the shit out of their base, and you know what they are afraid of? everything! cities, books, vaccines, got health. >> jordan: high school musical theater, black little mermaid, the first 300 years of american history. >> yes! rainbows, dread brunch, dry dinner, drag afternoon snack.

beyonce singing country music. >> jordan: crt, pbs. >> npr, anything with letters! and of course... fico both: taylor swift finding love. >> jordan: maybe that gets a border deal done but we can't just keep swapping one problem for another. the whole point of politics is to solve problems. >> no. no, no, no. the whole point of problems is to let people do politics. if we solve all the problems, then there will be no more politics, and if there's no more politics, then there's no more political satire, and then we... >> jordan: have to find real jobs! no real jobs! >> no real jobs! >> jordan: no real jobs! >> no real jobs!

>> jordan: that is something you can chance. desi lydic, everybody! [cheers and applause] when we come back, killer mike is here, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] i can't see you! hi, i'm bradley cooper. everyone is auditioning to get t-mobile 'magenta status'. with 'magenta status' there's no need to fill up... ...when you drop off your car... at dollar. i like to juggle... that's good brad! i'm a really good whistler... [whistling] get a special rate on your hilton stay. mom! i can cry on cue. ♪ playing: you don't gotta try... ♪ ( ♪♪ ) no need to audition.

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i got you coffee. oh my god, what? you literally read my mind. got you, girl. [robot sounds] [car revs] [cars honking] hey, lexus show alternate routes. ♪♪ [drone sounds] ♪♪ [drone crashes] ♪♪ the future. sometimes it's a work in progress. other times, it's pretty well thought out. [robot beeps] the tech forward and tech ready, lexus nx. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guess tonight is a grammy award-winning rapper whose latest album is called "michael." please welcome killer mike. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

mike! sir! congrats, first, on sweeping all of the major wrap categories at the grammys! [cheers and applause] i'm sure you can't talk about what else happens there. >> no, but i did sweep them like a new broom in your grandma's living room. >> jordan: that's what it's there for! grandma has it there for sweeping of all the grammys. i have to ask the big question. the big question everyone had up to the grammys... did taylor snub celine? >> [laughs] shouts out to taylor! she won the grammys, her boyfriend won the chiefs. if she's into poly, my wife and i need a third. >> jordan: is that what power get to?

a polygamy reference? >> the only problem is my wife is good with a gun. so i will keep trying for all the men out there. >> jordan: you seem like whatever you throw out there is going to get a shot. you are on quite the streak. as well as winning the grammys, your son, after a three year search for a kidney just found a kidney. [cheers and applause] >> i had a talk with him about his kidney like you do a puppy. it like this is your [bleep] kidney, you're going to take care of it. of marijuana, alcohol, no. but we were sitting there as the nurses were telling us and i was like god, damn, this is a lot for a 21-year-old kid to be taking on but my kid is a worrier. i just got to tell him. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: frankly it is legitimately wonderful to hear good news happening to a good person. what genie lamp did you rub?

what do you all your success to? >> i over to the fact that i was just too stubborn to give up. my manager will and -- we are all friends but we have to just say get up every day and put 1 foot in front of the other. so i have a lot of talent but it took me 20 years to get here and i was just too stubborn to quit and i think that's half the battle, just being tenacious about it. and i want to take time to honestly think my children, because my children have lost so much time with their dad as i've been doing it. we had great quality time but the quantity has been cut short. so malik, anaya, pony boy, thank you for allowing dad to do this. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i want to switch gears a little bit. i will say -- i rewatched it recently after the george floyd murder, you made an impromptu press conference. in atlanta. you are asked to make a press

conference, which i think is -- if you haven't seen it, i think it is not only -- the clarity of it, the catharsis within a and call to action i think is a pretty remarkable moment over the last decade. >> thank you. >> jordan: something you said there resonated with so many people. you asked people at a time of unrest, you said to focus on to plot, plan, strategize, optimize? >> organize. and mobilize. >> jordan: and mobilize. we are on that process right now. i know you were talking specifically about police brutality. here we are three and a half years later, where are we on that, how are you seeing that process unfold? >> the truth is what happened to george floyd was a murder, it was evil, it was wrong. the truth is also that atlanta has long been a fortress for the black civil rights movement in this country and civil rights. matt, and if we would have burned atlanta down, we would have burned down a fortress that people would use -- ultimately

all i was saying in that speech was use your homes, use your businesses, use your churches as centers to welcome people in and plan, plot out what are we going to do next, and then do the next thing. i challenged them and mike city step up. i saw atlanta really welcome other people into try to push back against the powers that be. that's what my has always done, that's what we are doing now and that's what we will do going forward. organizers do not have to agree with each other, we must start to agree that there's a problem to be solved and if we waste too much with infighting the problems never get solved and the oligarchs and corporations continue to run this country. >> jordan: killer mike, everyone. "michael" is available now. we are going to take a quick break, we will be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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delicious little bars of smooth milk chocolate with a creamy, milky center. ♪♪ made for being a kid. let that kid flag fly. hey, can i get a verdinha? a what? hekkene? moneken? heini! hakkinen, please. me? ♪♪ wait, how do you spell it? ♪♪ heinekenne. ♪♪ the green one. ah. ♪♪ hakkinen? yes. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight! now here it is, your moment of zen. >> this morning the biggest snowstorm in two years, but in new york city, no snow day, if a work from home day students. >> long gone of the days of just a snow day and everybody just has off, we expect for them to

be fully engaged. >> what you think about not going to school tomorrow? >> i don't really want to go to school tomorrow, it's like a tuesday, and i'm not really a tuesday, and i'm not really a fan of tuesdays. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

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