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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  February 15, 2024 1:25am-2:00am PST

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y ys have to be so good at solving mysteries? - so wait, wait. stan took the dump in the urinal and he contacted the conspiracy website? but the conspiracy site was run by the government? - yeah. - so then who was responsible for 9/11? - whaddaya mean? a bunch of pissed-off muslims. - yeah. what are you, retarded? - [laughter] - well, it looks like this mystery is solved. it's time for the culprit to finally pay! - [rustling] - when you dook in the urinal, it's bad, m'kay? how would you feel if somebody came into your home, m'kay, pulled down their pants and laid a big mud monkey right on your mom's face? - [chuckles] - oh, you think that's funny, huh? yeah, that's real funny! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper!
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♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. and can i just be the last person to say, happy valentine's day! but be careful out there. according to your mom's facebook, there's fentanyl in the chocolate. we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into the headlines! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's start with the border crisis, shall we? for months, congress has been unable to take concrete steps to find a real solution. but yesterday, house republicans stood up, joined hands, and said, "[bleep] it, let's pull a cheap stunt instead." >> for the first time in almost 150 years, a cabinet secretary has been impeached. house lawmakers impeached homeland security secretary alejandro mayorkas yesterday by
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an extremely thin margin of one, 214-213. >> they think secretary mayorkas is not doing a good job, but they don't really have a case that he has committed what we are supposed to be looing for, which is high crimes and misdemeanors. >> it sends a message we won't just sit by while the secretary of homeland security fails to do his job at keeping the homeland safe. >> jordan: really, house republicans? really? that's grounds for impeachment now? doing a bad job? that's the standard you guys want to set? because you're not exactly crushing it! you can't pass legislation. you can't settle on a speaker. the most you guys have gotten done is one beetlejuice handjob, and even that wasn't to completion! come on, i could've knocked two out before the curtain rises! but fine, they impeached alejandro mayorkas. i guess house republicans think they can solve the border crisis by removing one latino at a
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time. so congratulations to house speaker mike johnson for finally getting something passed. although, you know who's going to be pretty upset about that? mike johnson from four years ago. >> the founding fathers, the founders of this country, warned against single party impeachments. they said that it would be bitterly divisive, perhaps irreparably divisive for the country. >> jordan: "i definitely won't regret that in a few years! now if you'll excuse me, i'm off to french-kiss a bat at the wuhan wet market!" but let's move on to more consequential congressional news: yesterday, long island voters had a special election to replace this guy: george santos! [cheers and applause] yeah! famous for getting expelled, dressing like a ventriloquist dummy, and running away from all of america's finest journalists.
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run away from me all you want, george. you'll have to talk to me when i pay for that cameo. those are the rules. it's in the contract. read the fine print, george. i'm coming for you. but the race to replace santos wasn't just a local issue. it had national implications, because both parties were looking to see what the result would tell them about november. so let's break down this race. in one corner we had tom suozzi, and in the other corner we had mazi pilip. suozzi versus mazi! even dr. seuss was like, "you know, that's a little much." now, looking at their pictures, you can probably guess which candidate is in which party. but you'd be wrong, and you need to do better! the white guy is democrat tom suozzi. funny story: he actually held the seat before george santos, but then he left to run for governor. and tom, how did that go? >> i ran for governor, and i got
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my ass kicked. [laughter] >> jordan: thanks for your honesty. that's the democrats' champion, tom suozzi: "i'm the guy who got my ass got kicked." this man failed and got another chance. this is what sociologists refer to as a "reverse female movie director." [audience reacts] meanwhile, the republican is mazi pilip, and she contains multitudes. >> mazi pilip is, in fact, a registered democrat, though she was elected to the nassau county legislature as a republican. >> pilip, a mother of seven and wife of a ukrainian immigrant, is an ethiopian jew born in southern ethiopia. she immigrated to israel, joining their military, the idf, before moving to the united states. >> jordan: that's a big gun! [laughs] okay. an ethiopian jewish refugee immigrant republican democrat mother of seven married to a ukrainian, who served in the idf? she's like if you asked chat-gpt
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to write a bio based on all the news. now, if this race has national implications, then understanding what issues resonated with voters is crucial. and in long island, one issue stood out. >> both candidates made the case that they are tougher on immigration. >> i'll work across the aisle to do what our leaders haven't: secure our border. >> at the same time, the two attacked each other on the issue. >> because tom suozzi repeatedly weakened america's borders. >> jordan: guys, guys, relax. there's plenty of migrants to demonize for the both of you. okay, so both suozzi and mazi made immigration a big part of their platform. but just as revealing as what they were running on was who they were running away from. mazi refused to ask trump for his endorsement, and suozzi politely asked president biden to stay the [bleep] away. >> would you want to campaign with biden? >> i can pretty much guarantee that the president's not going to be coming to the campaign
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here. >> but this is a huge seat. i mean, don't you think the president, you know, could be helpful if he came out here? >> i don't think it would be helpful, just as i don't think donald trump would be helpful to my opponent. and this race is really very local. >> jordan: he's declining the president's offer like how you decline your dad's offer to babysit. "so sweet of you, pops, but we don't want to put you out, and billy really doesn't want to play with your keys for three hours. he's 15." of course, suozzi is right. a biden visit would not be helpful. especially to biden. you don't want joe having to learn any new names right now. his brain is in a sort of "one-in, one-out" situation. "tom suozzi, nice to meet you, i'm... oh, no!" so that was the candidates and the issues they ran on. and last night, we found out who had the winning strategy. >> democrat tom suozzi easily winning a special election in
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new york's third congressional district, defeating mazi pilip by eight points. >> thank god. [cheers and applause] let me just enjoy this for one more minute, okay? >> jordan: "yes, let me enjoy this. tomorrow i start the world's worst job." yes, tom suozzi won the race handily. and now the question is, what does it mean for november? of course, donald trump has his opinion. >> former president donald trump blamed pilip's loss on her lack of loyalty to him. he said that though he boasts an almost 99% endorsement success rate in primaries and a very good number in the general elections, "this very foolish woman didn't endorse me." >> maga, which is most of the republican party, stayed home, and it will always unless it is treated with the respect that it deserves. i stayed out of the race, "i want to be loved!" in quotes. not sure what that "i want to be
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loved" in quotes is, um... >> jordan: [laughs] you don't know? you don't know what a bitter old man alone in his room, tweeting into the abyss "i want to be loved" the night before valentine's day means? haven't you seen a person make a freudian slip with his thumbs before? and as for democrats, they were gifted a blueprint for 2024. joe biden, heads up, the path is clear. you can win re-election in three easy steps: one, get out there with a strong message. two, tackle immigration head-on. and three: don't campaign with joe biden. [laughter and applause] for more analysis on last night's election, we go to troy iwata out in long island. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] troy.
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troy, what do you think the national implications of this election are? >> it was a local election on long island. so, none. >> jordan: a local election with national implications, when you look at -- >> stop it! who cares? a democrat winning in new york is not exactly shocking news. it's like finding out vaccines make you gay. we know! that's why we're taking them! [laughter and applause] >> jordan: right, okay, okay. but long island is a good bellwether. it's middle class, it's suburban, it's diverse. >> those are really good points. but also, it's long island. why are you looking for a lesson from people who voted for george santos, root for the mets, and idolize billy joel? we shouldn't be learning from them. we should pity them. >> jordan: okay, no.
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i actually really like billy joel. >> of course, we all do, but we're not supposed to be proud of it! he's a guilty pleasure, like reality tv or cocaine. i just don't think we should be looking for insight from an island that named their hockey team "the islanders." "the long island islanders." it's not exactly a bunch of hemingways out here. >> jordan: noted. so nothing to be learned, not a thing. >> well, there's one thing i'd like to learn: how to get home. the long island railroad is confusing and scary. who is ron konkoma? jordan, please send me an uber. >> jordan: we'll send you an uber. troy iwata, everybody! when we come back, author joshua green is here. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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♪♪ ♪ every road, that's wrong ♪ ♪ seems like the road i'm on ♪ ♪ every sign ♪ ♪ just seems unclear ♪ ♪♪ ♪ and i, ♪ ♪ i wish i was here ♪ what if the promise of better work
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wasn't just something we dreamed about... but something we found? this might be the one! or better yet... no way! ...something that found us. i got the interview. ay, muy bien! happy groundhog day! i brought sam adams cold snap and this groundhog... uh-oh. (patrons screaming) bright. citrusy. perfect for spring. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a national correspondent for "bloomberg businessweek," and bestselling author whose new book is called "the rebels: elizabeth warren, bernie sanders, alexandria ocasio-cortez, and the struggle for a new american politics." please welcome joshua green! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]
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josh, welcome! welcome. your last book, "devil's bargain," was about steve bannon and the rise of the far right populism. this book is looking at the far left and the rise of populism in the progressive movement. is this what you brought us for valentine's day? >> [laughs] i am giving you the gift of a book that is not about trump or biden or the depressing presidential rematch that is going to dominate our lives for the next nine months. >> jordan: yes. [laughs] >> that is my gift to you this valentine's day. >> jordan: thank you. for people who need a break, read about bernie sanders. >> there you go. it will cheer you up. >> jordan: yes. you talk about this book, about the rise of the left and the progressive movement and populism. and also, you talk about how it has a symbiotic relationship with the more moderate wing. the joe biden side of it all. talk to me about how you see those two things working symbiotically. >> yeah. the book starts in 2008 because
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i date the rise of this left populist movement to the reaction from the financial crisis. after that, everybody was angry. there was a big backlash. on the right, it led to the tea party and to donald trump. but on the left, it gave rise to people like warren, who were able to articulate the deep dissatisfaction, and a lot of americans had with the fact that the government was bailing out wall street banks, but that they weren't helping the middle class. over the years, we saw with the rise of warren, who used her platform, including places like "the daily show" to spread this message. you saw the rise of bernie sanders and his presidential race. and ultimately, this just became an important part of democratic party politics. when donald trump won, i think it woke up a lot of democratic officials who said, gosh, we better listen to these people and joe biden's presidency has really managed to kind of unite the populists and the moderates. he has put into place a lot of things that warren and bernie and aoc have argued for and we are heading into the november
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election with democrats really unified behind joe biden. >> jordan: it is interesting you say that. >> mostly unified. >> jordan: mostly unified. theoretically, i see that. it doesn't seem as if that is the feeling, i would say, most democrats -- they don't feel like they are lining up charge, ready to vote for joe biden. i think a lot of far left democrats still feel like their voices aren't being heard. how are their voices being heard and seen through a vessel like joe biden? >> when it comes to the actual rank and file of left-leaning voters, especially younger voters, there is a lot of disatisfaction with biden. maybe that is because of his age, he is kind of old, he looks like grandpa. maybe it is because -- >> jordan: kind of old? >> really old -- >> jordan: looks like grandpa, sure, yes. >> so does trump. >> jordan: they are both quite old, sure. >> but the challenge for biden will be, how can he bring those younger people back into his coalition? i think one hope is my
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characters will be effective surrogates. it is either that or he is going to have to count on going on tiktok and trying to attract them in other unorthodox ways that maybe the biden campaign isn't going to be so good at. >> jordan: you talk a lot about economic populism and what people across america really want. i was recently in south carolina, and biden has pretty good numbers right now when it comes to the economy, the stock market is up, inflation seems to be going down. you know, we have unemployment that is incredibly low right now. but when i talk to the maga folks, those aren't the indicators they care about. partially because -- >> i am shocked. >> jordan: [laughs] yeah. i think sometimes it is a political dodge but sometimes, what they focus on is gas and often times, gas can never be low enough for folks. but housing. housing is an indicator that they feel like the biden administration is not dealing with and that real people in america are frustrated with that as an indicator. like, are the democrats missing that conversation?
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looking at the middle parts of america and what they are actually disaffected by? >> no, i don't think they are missing it. there's been a ton of worry about inflation. that's been the main challenge of biden has had to deal with. you hear that from republicans, independents, and democrats. unless you spent the last three years only eating at a taco bell, you probably experienced price inflation and you are not really happy about it. >> jordan: i bet you are not real happy about it if you spent the last three years just eating at taco bell. >> other reasons too. but look, people's views of the economy are looked at through the lens of political partisanship. it is true for democrats. they were very unhappy about the economy, polls said, when donald trump was president. there is a certain group of people, and they're maga republicans, who are probably never going to be happy with the state of the economy under joe biden but what you really need to look at our democrats and independents.
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the one thing that biden really has going for him, running for reelection, is that he dealt with the deepest financial crash we have had since the great financial crisis, the one that followed the covid crash, by doing what my characters wanted him to do. what warren and sanders did, three rounds of stimulus, beefed up unemployment benefits, student loan freezes. and the economy three years later is in really strong shape, as you pointed out. the way i think of biden's reelection, it is not like the olympics where you have to put up a perfect score. you just have to do better than the other guy. things are trending in a direction -- [laughter] it's an at least attainable goal. we hope, right? >> jordan: the world's slowest hundred yard dash. >> yeah, exactly. [laughter and applause] >> jordan: tell me that is, when you look into the future, what do you see the democratic party reflecting? is it reflecting more of an aoc version or is it more of biden's version? >> it's a good question.
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i think if you look at where the democratic party is today, vis-a-vis where it was, let's say, 2008 during the last crash at the beginning of the book, completely different party. when i came to washington as a reporter in 2000, biden was considered so pro-corporate that we used to kind of jokingly call him the senator from corporate america. but if you flash forward 15 years to joe biden as president today, he is out walking on uaw picket lines, instituted a recovery plan that was geared so much toward the middle class, it pushed so much money out the door to working people that it actually caused inflation. and you look at what it is that politicians like warren and sanders have called for. i think there's a large degree of unity on economics and that is one reason why the party has remained unified behind joe biden. so he has come a long way in kind of melding the two wings of the party, in a way that kind of points the direction forward for democrats generally i think. i don't think we're ever going to go back to a time when, if
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there is another financial crisis, democrats are going to hand all the money to wall street banks. i think they've learned that lesson and i think joe biden's success in 2020, and if he has success in 2024, will help to underline that message. >> jordan: it is a great read. "the rebels" is available now. josh green, everybody. we are going to take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ chipotle's braised beef barbacoa might be our best kept secret. slow cooked responsibly raised beef. seasoned with garlic and cumin.hand-shredded for fall off the fork tenderness. chipotle's braised beef barbacoa. if you know, you know.
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wendy's breakfast 2 for $3 is so good, the crew is giving every combination codenames. bis-squared. egg and cheese biscuit and sausage biscuit. 2 biscuits! i'm impressed tyler knew what squaring was... mathletes! no matter what you call it, choose wisely. choose wendy's breakfast 2 for $3. wendy's breakfast 2 for $3 is so good, the crew is giving every combination codenames. bis-squared. egg and cheese biscuit and sausage biscuit. 2 biscuits! i'm impressed tyler knew what squaring was... mathletes! no matter what you call it, choose wisely. choose wendy's breakfast 2 for $3. ♪ music playing ♪ [tire screech] ♪ it's time ♪ ♪ to say goodbye, ♪ ♪ goodbye, ♪
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[notification sound] ♪ hello ♪ [phew] ♪ hey, can i get a verdinha? a what? hekkene? moneken? heini! hakkinen, please. me? ♪♪ wait, how do you spell it? ♪♪ heinekenne. ♪♪ the green one. ah. ♪♪ hakkinen? yes. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest is an actor that you know from "captain marvel," "no time to die," and "the woman can."
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she plays bob marley's wife in the new biopic "bob marley: one love." >> chris, the marketing genius? signing deals in the dark? mm-hmm. you swim in pollution, you get polluted. we used to talk about this and everything else when you only have one shirt! i give you everything you ask me for. everything! so naive! >> jordan: please welcome lashana lynch! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> woo! >> jordan: lashana, welcome! >> thank you! your friends are great. >> jordan: they are lovely, right?
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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: how lovely. >> love it! >> jordan: might you say it is all one love? >> oh, i like it. >> jordan: that's nice. >> it was nice. [laughter] wasn't it nice? >> jordan: it was very nice. lashana, going through some of the things you have picked up over the last few years, when you were part of the marvel cinematic universe, you learned to fly a plane. in "the woman king," you learned how to fight, in "no time to die," you learned to arm and disarm and fire a gun. do you feel ready for the impending apocalypse? >> yeah. >> jordan: yes, yes. you've done the work and prepped for it. >> i've been prepping all my life. >> jordan: you found a way to get paid for it. whatever happens post-november, you will be in a great space. >> basically, yes. you got to sneak your little skills in. >> jordan: got to get into it. you can write it off on your
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taxes, it is great. >> how did you know what i was trying to do? >> jordan: this is smart. >> thank you so much. >> jordan: what skill did you pick up working on the latest movie, "one love"? >> none of that. much, much lighter. emotional grasp, definitely. there's a lot of holding. rita marley is a strong, very powerful, balanced, spiritual woman. i had to make sure she was grounded at all times. >> jordan: you had to work on yourself. >> i had to work on myself. my spiritual self, my inner self, make sure that i was collected enough to take all of the experiences of all of the training that you just told me about and put them into good use. >> jordan: i think a lot of people think of bob marley, perhaps they are not as familiar with the story of rita marley. when you watch the film, you see that she is really the backbone of the bob marley story. when you read this, what did you know about rita's story and what drew you to this? >> well, my parents are jamaican. they are born in jamaica so i had a responsibility to take the role and make sure it was everything that it needed to be, represent rita marley in the way that she deserved to, and also
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uphold the legend's story, the legend that we know today did not come from nowhere. she literally is the backbone. she held everything together. she ensured that her children, the geniuses says that they are today, and i wanted to make sure that the remarkable woman remained the remarkable woman in the story and that the female narrative was told in the way that we know it should be and especially as a woman, as a black woman, and i am proud of it. i am proud of kingsley. he is a brilliant bob. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: it is a beautiful movie. it really brings you into his life and you bring it out. wonderful. "bob marley: one love" is in theaters now. lashana lynch. we are going to take a break. we will be right back. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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[robot sounds] [car revs] [cars honking] hey, lexus show alternate routes. ♪♪ [drone sounds] ♪♪ [drone crashes] ♪♪ the future. sometimes it's a work in progress. other times, it's pretty well thought out. [robot beeps] the tech forward and tech ready, lexus nx. ♪♪ >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. now here it is your "moment of zen." >> i got you a present. it is a bell. which means she wants a bell to ring when she needs something. >> i need many melts. i need crackers. [bell rings]
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>> i like this gift. i think it is good, right? >> bell rings] >> that is great. it can be used for affirmation, emphasis, or for you to get the cheese and crackers at 8:30. >> exactly. or if you say, when i was in congress, we could do that. >> sorry. - les: ♪ i'm goin' down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks ♪ ♪ without temptation ♪ - les: ♪ goin' down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking ♪ ♪ day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting ♪ ♪ "howdy, neighbor" ♪ - les: ♪ headin' on up ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - kenny: [muffled singing] - les: ♪ come on down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪
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