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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  February 16, 2024 1:25am-2:01am PST

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[ indistinct shouting ] that was so sweet, you guys! i bet the teenagers will never go back to that place again! of course they won't! i saw half of em' break their guns in frustration. hey, thanks, you guys. we couldn't have gotten rid of the teenagers without you. yeah, thanks, dad. mrph rm! hey, that's what we're here for, right? we're just glad you wanted to spend some time with us. well, i'm hungry, is there any place around here to get a hot dog? yes... yes, i live in a hot dog. it's right over here! come on, you guys, help me get it all ready! ok, let's go! come on, guys! ♪♪ should i take them out now? not yet... we still have a few good years before they turn into monsters. ♪ when they called me broken ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at
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comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got a great show for you tonight. we're going to dig into some of the big stories of the day. oscar-nominated filmmaker cord jefferson is here. [cheers and applause] yes, but first, let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] as we all know, the super bowl was on sunday. the kansas city chiefs won. [laughs] three kansas city chiefs fans here. taylor swift somehow got box seats. usher's abs were on the outside of his shirt for some reason. it was great.
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then yesterday, they had a celebratory parade in kansas city that tragically ended in gunfire. now, there's still a lot we don't know about the situation. the good news is, we do know one of the heroes that helped stop the shooting. it wasn't missouri's lax gun laws. it wasn't a good guy with a gun. it wasn't anybody bearing arms, it was just a guy with arms. >> take a look at this video. it shows the moment that one of them was tackled by a couple of fans who were in the right place at the right time. >> one guy was hollering and saying, you know, stop him or catch him. and as i'm tackling him, i see his weapon. >> jordan: bravo to this guy. [cheers and applause] bravo. bravo. yes. frankly, not just for stopping the shooter, but for executing a flawless tackle in front of the super bowl champions. travis kelce is right there and you're like, "watch this form." look, maybe you think we don't
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need gun control. but don't pretend there's any level of security that will prevent something like this from happening. there were more than 800 police officers there and all they could do was react after it happened. let me put this in football terms. america needs a defensive strategy that will stop a guy from getting the ball in the first place. not just hope someone tackles him before he gets to the end zone. that's not a winning strategy, unless you're playing the jets. [audience reacts] also, we need to limit the size of the ball. that ball is a weapon of war. the founders didn't anticipate the ball would be this big. i'm in too deep with this metaphor, but you get the idea. i would tell you what is infuriating, though. we're not going to get to have an honest conversation about america's gun problem. instead we'll be having a conversation about america's parade problem. should they have more security? should they be smaller?
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should they replace the confetti with kevlar? should the parade just be an email? it's not fun but those are all the ideas we're allowed to have! also, one thing i noticed about the media coverage around this is everyone saying, "today was supposed to be a celebration" or "the day started out filled with joy." shouldn't every day be able to end without a mass shooting? is our bar that low? like, even my shittiest day. my wife leaves me, the irs audits me, i go to see "madame web"... i mean, a shitty, shitty day. even that day deserves to end without a shooting. [cheers and applause] maybe i'm just a selfish, selfish optimist. like the rest of the country, let's quickly move on from gun violence and talk about something else. as you know, donald trump is on trial in every jurisdiction in america, and one of the most important trials is down in georgia, where he's accused of
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trying to overturn the election. and because this case is so important, it's crucial that the prosecution does everything above board and by the book. aka, not this. >> after weeks of mounting questions, fulton county district attorney fani willis acknowledging a romantic relationship with a special prosecutor she hired to lead her case against donald trump. trump and his two co-defendants claim willis benefited from the money her office paid wade, saying he had taken her on lavish vacations. >> d.a. willis could be disqualified from the case. so could her whole office potentially. this could really bring the investigation back to square one. >> jordan: are you kidding me? seriously! trump might get off because these two were getting off? the case might get derailed because these two were getting railed? are we [bleep] because they [bleep]? i can't believe a legal team's sexual appetite might destroy this case. now i finally understand why trump hired rudy giuliani as his lawyer.
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no one's risking their case to see what he's packing. but maybe we should give fani willis the benefit of the doubt. maybe she didn't know it was a conflict of interest to have sex with an employee. >> in 2020, fani willis was asked why fulton county voters should elect her as d.a. instead of her opponent. >> they deserve a d.a. that won't have sex with his employees because they deserve a d.a that won't put money in their own pocket. >> jordan: oof. okay, that's tough. but to be fair, she kept her promise. she did not have sex with his employees. just hers. i guess we call that progress. now, one of the accusations against fani willis is that after she hired her boyfriend, he kicked back money to her by taking her on lavish vacations. and today, they questioned nathan wade about those vacations, and the answers didn't exactly roll off his
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tongue. >> i'm asking if you remember paying for a cabin six months ago in tennessee. >> no. >> you remember booking a cabin? >> i book lots of cabins. >> did you go to a cabin with miss willis ever? >> ever? >> ever. >> no. >> jordan: i don't care what you're answering. anytime you pause that long, it's suspicious. also, who books so many cabins they can't keep track of them? you're either davy crockett or a serial killer. so after today, things are not looking good for special prosecutor nathan wade. but he does have an option here: he sexed his way into this mess, he just might have to sex his way out. if his loving is so good that a
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prosecutor is willing to break the rules for it, then he's got to sex everybody into breaking the rules for him. sex the judge. sex the jury. sex the bailiff. if the clerk wants some, sex the clerk. if manu raju is outside the courtroom, sex the raju. and if it comes down to it, he's gonna have to sex donald trump. if he's that good, it oughta do the trick. trump will walk out of that courtroom like, "the case is rigged, but the d is fire." as for fani willis, when she took the stand today, she denied any wrongdoing and also tried to bring some perspective to the day. >> you're confused. you think i'm on trial. these people are on trial for trying to steal an election in 2020. i'm not on trial. no matter how hard you try to put me on trial. >> jordan: yes, thank you! donald trump is the one on trial. which is why you should have been more careful. this is possibly the most important trial in the country right now, and it could be completely derailed, not because of the evidence or the facts,
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but because two people got horny. so maybe the first thing we need is some new hr training. >> hello. if you are watching this video, you are one of the 200,000 prosecutors currently working on a donald trump case. there has been some confusion lately over whether you should hire a person you are [bleep] to prosecute the most important case in the nation. so we wanted to just take a moment to clarify. don't. don't do that. remember, there are over 330 million other americans. you can have sex with any of them or hire them as a prosecutor, but not both. it should be pretty obvious. while we are at it, here are some other obvious things to avoid that i can't believe i have to say out loud. don't bribe the judge. don't bribe the defendant. don't burn down the court room. don't join isis. don't hire isis.
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don't try to sell the judge drugs. don't hire a stripper cop to be that they left. no, under any circumstances, toilet. don't slurp up the defendants bathwater. don't recruit the jury into a multilevel marketing scheme. don't sell tickets to the trial on stubhub. and finally come i don't steal the judge's organs and sell then the black market. by following these simple rules, you can maintain your integrity and not legally speaking, [bleep] this up, you idiots! thank you. and good luck in court. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: when we come back, more romance. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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this is cassie. she never really paid attention to her credit scores until she got credit karma. and used her scores to score more. like a great rate on an auto loan for some more reliable wheels. intuit credit karma. download the money app where your hard work pays off. hey, can i get a verdinha? a what? hekkene? moneken? heini! hakkinen, please. me?
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♪♪ wait, how do you spell it? ♪♪ heinekenne. ♪♪ the green one. ah. ♪♪ hakkinen? yes. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." romance is in the air this week, and to celebrate it, our grace kuhlenschmidt takes us through the most romantic people she knows. >> when you think of the most romantic man ever, who do you think of? jack dawson? noah calhoun? no, dumb dumb. those are made of characters played by actors who have restraining orders against me. for me, the most romantic men on the planet are the men who have served as president of the
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united states of america. and there are so many to choose from varied romantics like black and white president woodrow wilson. woody met his special lady in beautiful bermuda, while his wife stayed home with their sick daughter. can you believe it? that is like straight out of a rom! in fact, wilson was so smitten with her, he even wrote her love letters. "you really must come down to relieve me." that is so romantic! he truly wanted to bust in magic! fellows, take notes. another president of passion was warren g. harding. and the g must stand for gentleman, because even though his wife was chronically ill, he still found time to sleep with other women. our lovable warren was such a romeo that during his campaign, he paid not one, but two women to keep their affairs secret. stick me in the freezer because
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my heart is melting! one of these beloved blackmailers was carrie phillips, a possible german spy. yeah. harding was willing to risk state secrets and endanger national security all for love. i promised i wouldn't cry! [crying loudly] of course, when it comes to romantics, it is h hard to talk franklin dr. there was no one more in love or more faithful to his wife... 's secretary. fdr kept seeing her for decades, even though his wife eleanor was not a fan. love conquers all, bitch! in fact, fdr was so committed to his one true mistress, he even gave up walking so he could save all of his energy for boning her. ladies, if you are man can walk, that's a red flag! but perhaps america's most romantic president was none other than john f. kennedy
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airport jr. president airport jr. had so much love to give come he couldn't be contained in one won or two women, or three, or four -- or 17 women, actually. two of the lucky lovers are white house interns that kennedy referred to as, get this -- this is so cute -- "fizzle and basil." no one's ever called me that. they just take the time to learn my real name. [sigh] and while his door historians debate whether marilyn was really one of jfk's lovers, this footage of her singing "happy birthday" to him is one of the most genuine, purest displays of affection ever captured on film. >> at 1:25, the motorcade moves into the downtown area -- >> no, no! it is not the right jfk video! stop! ♪ ♪ and last but certainly not least, president lyndon b johnson.
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even when he was busy with president stuff, lbj always put his lovers first. he even had a bell installed in the oval office so the secret service could warn him when his wife was coming. are those wedding bells i hear? nope. it's the get off my dick and hide in the filing cabinet bell. [laughs] so sweet! lyndon's relationship with his devoted side piece spanned decades of his marriage until, sadly, she broke up with him over his involvement in the vietnam war. that's right. the vietnam war also had a dark side. who knew? so next valentines day, if you are trying to inject a little romance into your life, you don't need to go to a fancy restaurant or an expensive jewelry store. just book a ticket to washington, d.c., and apply for a job as an intern at the white house. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ sir, you wanted to see me?
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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: yes, thank you, thank you, grace. that was very sweet, but i don't know how romantic that actually was. you realize those were all extramarital affairs? >> what? oh, my god, that's so much hotter! [laughs] >> jordan: i guess it was. grace kuhlenschmidt, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, oscar-nominated filmmaker cord jefferson will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause] you're unfreezing me? that means... yes, there's a better wing. popeyes. the sailor man? the chicken place.
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crispy, juicy! what else has changed? “turn down for what” by dj snake and lil john. here we go. ah! make it stop! haha, you're crazy. two dogs in one? hooray! come to poppa. we did it! love that chicken from popeyes! ♪ music playing ♪ [tire screech] ♪ it's time ♪ ♪ to say goodbye, ♪ ♪ goodbye, ♪ [notification sound] ♪ hello ♪ [phew] ♪
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happy groundhog day! i brought sam adams cold snap and this groundhog... uh-oh. (patrons screaming)
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[robot sounds] [car revs] [cars honking] hey, lexus show alternate routes. ♪♪ [drone sounds] ♪♪ [drone crashes] ♪♪ the future. sometimes it's a work in progress. other times, it's pretty well thought out. [robot beeps] the tech forward and tech ready, lexus nx. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a director and emmy-winning writer whose film "american fiction" is currently nominated for five
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academy awards. >> what do you see in my brother? >> he is funny. >> he's not funny. >> no, not haha funny. sad funny. like a three legged dog. >> i see it. like somebody dying on a toilet. >> exactly. >> got it. >> invariably, you go too far. >> you think? >> i don't think i go far enough. >> it is hurtful. >> you have gone too far. [laughter] >> look at you! just by being pathetic. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: please welcome cord jefferson! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]
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cord! >> thank you. >> jordan: feature film debut, and you get five academy award nominations. >> yeah. >> jordan: i'm curious how you feel about it and how you are wielding that strength now. >> [laughs] i'm not wielding it too much, unfortunately. i probably should be more demanding, yet, but i am not. i feel a little overwhelmed, you know? we made this movie with very little money and very little time. we didn't make it under these great offices, so to be here right now, sitting with you, is beyond my wild dreams. >> jordan: this must be your highlight. >> this is crazy! [cheers and applause] truly. >> jordan: -- >> i don't really get nervous and interviews were anymore but i am nervous right now. >> jordan: really? >> "the daily show" is a big deal. >> jordan: nothing to be nervous about. so i want to talk palestine. >> okay, that's great. everybody, get out your phones, start putting this on the
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internet. it's my publicist is going to le this. [laughter] >> jordan: this movie because it's a ton of conversations. it feels very of the now. when i watch this, i think what i was devised to find out is that it is based on a book from 20 years ago, but it is still so relevant today. what did you see in that story that made you want to tell the story now? >> oh, my god, man. three months before i found this novel, "erasure," i sent in a script to some executives and they sent me back a note that a character, a black character needed to be blacker. and i said -- i said, i will end all to this note if whoever gave it is willing to sit down with me and tell me what it means to be blacker. tell me how to make somebody blacker. of course, i know in a way because they probably knew they were setting themselves up for a huge civil right lawsuit, so they dropped it, and but that was just one of the many instances in my tv and film writing career, where it is like, people just have this very limited perspective of what it
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means to be a black writer, very limited perspective of what black stories look like, what black life looks like. so when i read this book, that was published in 2001 but it felt like it was written yesterday, yeah, i was so overcome with this idea that it felt like it was written specifically for me. i just understood the characters so well. >> jordan: one of the targets of this film is white liberal audiences. first off, how dare you? >> [laughs] >> jordan: do you get exhausted talking to white liberals about this movie and having to explain reads to them over and over again? to be like, what is a deal with race in america? >> [laughs] no, actually. i mean, maybe a little bit but i have set myself up for this. this is the work that i put into the world so i'm happy to chat about it. >> jordan: what's interesting about this movie too is it is not only -- it's a satire, it's a political satire but it is also really heartfelt. i was surprised by it. it follows a family, follows the struggles that they have. why was that important for you
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to tell and to marry with that? it seems like those don't always go together when you see satirical films. >> yeah. i wanted the movie to be satirical but never farcical. so the clip that you played right there i think is one of the grounding moments of the film. i didn't wanted to feel like it was so funny or got it so silly that it became slapstick. i always wanted it to feel -- i feel like when satire gets kind of slapsticky, it lets people off the hook. it says, this entire thing is a joke that you can laugh out. you don't need to take it seriously. this movie makes some people uncomfortable sometimes and i'm okay with that. i think that every time i am experiencing a piece of art that makes me uncomfortable, i kind of lean and because i think that wisdom is on the other side of that discomfort. >> jordan: i want to talk a little bit about the ending. i don't want to give it away. this movie ends and you sort of -- there is a meta-ending. i wonder if that comes out of network notes, wanting you to end this movie for a certain audience, if that comes with you, not knowing how you wanted to end it or wanting to end it
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in a way that leaves people with their own ways in which they can understand the story? how did you ap? >> the novel is very meta-textual, and it ends with this latin phrase -- >> jordan: great hollywood ending. [laughter] >> a latin phrase using with mathematics. people love that. huge hollywood ending. so i didn't want the ending to be didactic. i wanted the ending to feel audacious. so i wanted -- i was trying to figure out what the ending would be and one of the producers called me and said, the movie is a big swing. try to write an ending that feels like a big swing too because i was kind of stuck as to what the ending would be. i wrote an ending that feels as audacious as the rest of the movie. and yeah, i think that i didn't want to spoon-feed people lessons. like i said, i offer no hypothesis. i'm giving you some scenarios and characters.
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it sort of offers you an opportunity to think for yourself and decide how you want to think about things. >> jordan: i do think this movie asks a lot of questions about what hollywood wants and movies from black filmmakers, and what a white audience will respond to. you make this film, and then primarily white oscar public is like, we love this film. [laughter] and i wonder how you -- is that a sweet revenge? is that an extension of the meta-story that you are telling? it feels like there is a conversation about people enjoying your film that is already happening with your film. >> yeah, i mean, look, i am basically slowly cosplaying as jeffrey wright. i'm looking at myself right now i mind becoming jeffrey wright. >> jordan: those are jeffrey wright glasses. >> this is a jeffrey wright suit, i am going gray like jeffrey wright. i will tell you how meta it has gotten. the other day, percival everett, the author of the novel "erasure," was stopped at a coffee shop in l.a. -- a true story -- and somebody asked him
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if he was jeffrey wright. he said, no. i'm not jeffrey wright but i wrote the book that jeffrey wright is now in the movie based on. it is all -- i like to maybe think that maybe this will all be -- maybe after the oscars, i will reveal that i'm a white guy. you guys don't know. [laughter and applause] >> jordan: i tell you what -- >> maybe i've been doing black face this whole time. >> jordan: i love that. that would supersede the ending. i would appreciate if you did that. >> i am just tobey maguire. people don't know that appeared to be when tobey maguire this whole time. >> jordan: "american fiction" is playing in theaters right now, cord jefferson. we will take a break. we'll be back right after this. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]
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(♪♪) [crowd cheers] ♪ it's been a night ♪ ♪ such a night ♪ ♪ such a long night ♪ ♪ watch myself disappear ♪ ♪ every road, that's wrong ♪ ♪ seems like the road, i'm on ♪ ♪ every sign just seems unclear ♪
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(♪♪) ♪ and i, ♪ ♪ i wish i was here ♪ (♪♪) ♪ and i, ♪ (♪♪) ♪ i wish i was here ♪ (♪♪) [applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider donating to everytown for gun safety. they work with local, federal, and state governments to end gun violence and build safer communities. if you want to support them in this work, please donate at the link below. now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> oh, steve, you've got some fans here, everybody. >> hey, steve.
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>> look, it is everyone. >> it is brian. >> thanks. >> i love everyone. >> thanks, guys. >> i got to do a better job trying to win people over. >> we are universal. >> i'm not very popular. they just don't like me. they like to see if. >> watches you. >> that has always been your hotbed. are you right? are you right? captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪me ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ e ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪emptai - ♪ going down to south park ♪outh ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪day o ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪dy neih - ♪ headed on up to south park ♪o south ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ can't u - ♪ [muffled] ♪mbling ) - ♪ come on down to south park ♪to sout ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪nds o
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