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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  March 6, 2024 1:25am-2:00am PST

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life ain't worth livin' anymore! what's the use? i'm comin' to see ya, gary! i'm comin' to see ya! - no! don't! - [pistol fires] - [police siren wails] - oprah's going to be okay. wish i could say the same for her vagina and asshole. - that's a great idea you had to sneak the hostages inside the bank. - yeah, it sure was. - we're sorry we tried to burn you and murder you before. - oh, that's okay. this whole thing was my fault. i learned that i shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. i should come up with ideas and then get high, to reward myself. you said it. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! [cheers and applause]
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♪ ♪ >> ronny: hey, welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng! we've got a great show for you tonight. donald trump finally made some black friends. joe biden has his hand up cookie monster's ass. and jordan klepper talks to the last nikki haley fan. so let's get right into our ongoing coverage of "indecision 2024." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's kick things off with the race to control the senate. one of the tightest races is in arizona, and although we don't know who's going to win, we already know who is going to lose. >> breaking news from the nation's capital. independent senator kyrsten sinema of arizona announcing she will not run for reelection.
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>> polling in the last months has shown her with support of just 15-25%, losing to gallego and kari lake. she met the ire of a great many democrats around the country, refusing to pass filibuster reform that would have allowed for the protection of abortion around the country and to codify roe v. wade. >> in 2022, sinema blocked a critical spending bill to protect a tax break for the ultra-wealthy. >> ronny: that's right, senator kyrsten sinema is stepping down to spend more time with her family, goldman and sachs. and i love how she says she's not running for reelection in arizona like it's her choice. totally not because you were going to get your ass kicked. that's like me saying, "hey, guys, i'm not going to be qb-ing for the patriots this year." guess what? nobody offered. it's also funny how people usually like independents in this very tribal political climate. you have to be a really shitty politician if you're an independent and everybody hates you. me personally, i actually liked
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that kyrsten sinema taught everyone a very important lesson: that you can't assume someone's beliefs based on how they dress. she came on the scene like, "hey, everyone, look at my pink tutu, you know i'm liberal!" and then she walks into the senate like, "private equity gets everything. drill those orphans for oil!" but let's move on to the presidential race, and the voters the politicians never forget... every time they need to win an election. african americans, a.k.a. black people. in 2020, trump only got 12% of the black vote, but this year, polls show that he could double that. and now, there might be a way for him to win over black voters without actually having to meet any. >> there are growing concerns about the way artificial intelligence could be used to mislead voters ahead of this year's u.s. election. it's emerged that some supporters of former u.s. president donald trump are creating and sharing fake images of him with black people to encourage african americans to back him in november's election.
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>> at first glance, this photo looks real. only it's not. it was generated using ai technology. >> the image was generated by trump supporters using ai to target black voters. but this picture has been viewed more than 1 million times. >> ronny: wow, it took the most cutting edge technology to get trump to hang out with six black guys. this is outrageous. you're telling me i've been wasting my time building real friendships with black people, a.k.a. african americans, when the whole time i could have just used ai and gotten the same number of likes? but seriously, i can't believe these photos would actually swing some votes. if we're gonna be this easily manipulated by ai, let's just let ai vote for us instead! we need to be smarter. i mean, i'm not gonna vote for trump just because i saw a picture of him with a bunch of asian guys. although, i mean, they do look like they're having fun.
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i wonder what they're talking about. damn, maybe it does help a little! but still, i know people are worried about misinformation, but it's pretty easy to tell if a picture of donald trump is ai-generated. here's the trick: if donald trump is in a picture and looks completely insane, then it's a real picture. like look at this picture: trump hanging out with black guys? this is ai because it's too normal to be real. now this photo of him with black people is weird. that's how you know it's real! is that confusing? all right, how about this one? trump with black people having a good time at a party? pretty normal human activity. therefore, this is ai. but kanye in the oval office shoving his phone into trump's face? i mean, what the [bleep] is even happening there? this is too insane to be real. that's how you know it's real. there's also other tells, like
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check the skin tone. does his face look like a normal human? then it's probably ai. does his face look like a dish sponge after chili night? then it's real. so that's the rule. is he smiling in front of 3,000 hamburgers? is he staring directly into a solar eclipse? is he touching a glowing orb with middle east dictators? then it's real. i hope that clarifies things. but while donald trump is trying to get the vote of black people, joe biden is trying to get the vote of cheap people. have you been grocery shopping recently and noticed your bag of chips has two fewer chips than it used to? well, joe biden has. >> shrinkflation is just one of the pocketbook issues that could find its way into the state of the union address on thursday. today, the white house is announcing a new strike force tasked with cracking down on price gouging and everything from groceries to prescription drugs is on the list. >> shrinkflation is when companies make the size of their products smaller without cutting prices.
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and the size of some oreo cookies has decreased by 6% since 2019. and a family size of wheat thins has dropped 12% in weight. even some charmin toilet paper rolls now have 20 fewer sheets. [boos] >> ronny: okay, boo. listen, listen. this is such an american crisis. oh, no, my costco sack of oreos only has 15 pounds instead of 16. and now when i shit my pants, there isn't enough toilet paper to clean my fat ass. [cheers and applause] you know what's not shrinkflating? it's celery. maybe you should try it some time. by the way, if we're going to complain about toilet paper, let's talk about how every time i buy it, the toilet paper is like, "there's eight rolls, but they're mega, so it's ten rolls, but really it's eight rolls." just tell me how many [bleep] rolls there are and stop making me do math at cvs.
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look, i do think it's a good political issue for joe biden to focus on. because you really think americans will go to the polls to "protect democracy"? hell no. but if you promise to restore the number of sprinkles on their pop tarts? record turnout. and luckily for joe biden, he's now getting help from an ally who speaks to young voters. and i mean, really young voters. >> this morning, the cookie monster has had enough. >> chocolate chip cookie important to me too. >> his beef with shrinkflation is getting attention on capitol hill after he posted, quote, "me hate shrinkflation. me cookies are getting smaller." [cheers and applause] >> ronny: you know, there's a real death of expertise in this country, so i appreciate when we can hear from someone who knows what he's talking about. for more on cookie monster speaking out, we go live to sesame street to our newest member of "the daily show" news team: josh johnson, everybody!
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[cheers and applause] josh, what do you think of cookie monster's battle with shrinkflation? >> what do i think? i think cookie monster is being a little blue bitch! why does he care about the price of cookies? have you seen the way he eats them? half of them end up on the floor! if the cookies were smaller, maybe they'd manage to get into his mouth. "me no like shrinkflation!" stop talking like that! you live on sesame street, how are you still doing remedial english? >> ronny: okay, josh, look, i love hating stuff too, but aren't you being a little too hard on mr. monster? he's trying to fight shrinkflation! >> oh, you're telling me that cookie monster just brought up "shrinkflation" the same week as biden? on his own? the only words i've ever heard cookie monster say are "me" and
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"cookie." who taught him "shrinkflation?" [laughter and applause] like, i don't wanna start any rumors, but i'm starting to think cookie monster's just a puppet. >> ronny: that's crazy talk, josh. stop the conspiracy theories. whether he is or not, shrinkflation is real. and it's not just cookies. it's chips, soda, toilet paper. >> explain to me why cookie monster cares about toilet paper. he doesn't have a digestive system. he's never taken a shit in his life! he doesn't know the pain of sitting on a toilet with a stomach full of lamb curry, running out of paper, and having to sidestep your way out, doing the pants-around-the-ankle waddle like you're robbing your own house. only for your girlfriend to walk in, see you, then immediately walk out. did you ever have to deal with
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that, mr. cookie monster? cause me did. me very much did! >> ronny: yeah, but why didn't you just take off your pants completely? you know what, never mind. i think it's great that cookie monster's bringing attention to an actual problem. >> it's not even the biggest problem on sesame street! oscar is still homeless. [cheers and applause] trump's about to deport rosita. and snuffalubbagus -- snuffa-buckabu -- snuffaluffa -- he in a gang. i'm not going to lie, ronny, it's pretty messed up that you sent me here. i saw elmo selling tickles for $5 dollars outside big bird's nest. no one here is doing well. >> ronny: all right, josh, let's get you out of there. >> aye, hold up. hold up. do you have $5? >> ronny: no, no. %-ú. when we come back, yuval noah harari will be
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joining me. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] (vo) welcome to lobsterfest. is your party ready? ready to tango with tails on tails on tails? try lobster lover's dream with two lobster tails and lobster & shrimp linguini. it's one of ten next-level lobster creations. but lobsterfest won't last, so hurry in.
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[traffic noise] [text message] let's ace this thing! ♪ ♪ i got you coffee. oh my god, what? you literally read my mind. got you, girl. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." today is super tuesday. hooray. i guess. this super tuesday, we all know what's gonna happen.
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trump's gonna win, biden's gonna win, i'm gonna eat a tub of ice cream and hate myself afterwards. just a normal tuesday. the only question is, who will nikki haley's supporters vote for after she drops out? jordan klepper went to find out, in another installment of "fingers the pulse." ♪ ♪ >> the general election candidates seem all but settled. but nikki haley has run a strong campaign, so what will her supporters too if she drops out? i went to north carolina to one of her super tuesday rallies held in a quaint train station to find out. >> i was a trump voter in 2016, not 2020, and so i am just ready to stop him. i would like to make him sweat. >> how do you make donald trump site? i think probably a walk down the stairs will do it. >> i have no idea. >> if nikki haley drops out after super tuesday -- >> not going to. >> she's not going to? >> you are defiant.
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even if she had doesn't h have a numbers, she shouldn't drop out? >> no. >> you sound like a republican. you are not going to accept any election results. >> of course they are going to keep going. they've seen the anti-maga as the tiny crowd of the biden rally. >> mr. trump would sell his own grandmother for a profit if he could. >> i don't think he could win. even if he does, the country loses because he's out of control. >> he is chaos. he'll be working on his court cases for the whole time. >> after january 6th and all that, there is no way i could ever vote for him again. >> you still think insurrection? >> oh, yeah. >> just to be clear, insurrection bad? >> yes. >> good to know. i'm trying to feel out the electorate. >> that is good. >> here was a group of republicans who don't like trump. a not insignificant number of voters who could be decisive in the general election. it was finally time to ask the difficult question. >> if haley doesn't go past super tuesday, who do you plan on voting if it is trump versus biden? >> first i will have a cry, then
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i will have a beer, then i will pray. >> if nikki haley is into the race -- >> that is so sad. i voted for trump twice. i will not -- i can't say i want to vote for him but god, don't put me in that position where i have to pick between him or biden. >> if it is not haley in the general election -- >> it is really tough. the other day, if i am forced to, it is going to be really hard. i mean, hold my nose, close my eyes, and tie me up. >> you are still not sure if you had to vote trump-biden, you are still -- >> would you rather have rat poison or what was the other thing that the people did in arizona? the fish tank cleaner? >> rat poison versus the fish tank cleaner? let's say nikki haley doesn't get past super tuesday. it is biden and trump. where is your head at? >> i just think both of them are too old. we shouldn't be voting for octogenarians at this point. >> i don't know. >> let me get you into making a
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decision. pizza or burgers. >> pizza. >> great. alien from a predator. >> alien. >> barbie come often minor. >> oppenheimer. >> biden-biden. >> i will say biden. >> some are ready to turn the page on maga. while others are still working through some things. >> do you feel donald trump poses an exit central to american democracy? >> i really do. >> you do? you are like, donald trump, i am done with him? >> completely done. >> completely done. hypothetically, if it is biden versus trump, who do you sup support? >> it is really going to be a toss-up for me because it will be trump but i, you know, i would rather just almost not vote but i will. i mean. >> and it will be trump. >> i think so. >> the guy you just said you are done with. >> well. >> i am struggling. why can't you be done with
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donald trump? >> it is just -- the sex cases and -- i mean, come on. they have all the criminal stuff. >> it is insane. no one should support of a president. >> no, but yeah. >> but if it is him versus biden, you will support him for president? >> i think so. >> the process of soul-searching can be agonizing for these never -- well, maybe just for a third time trumpers. ♪ ♪ but maybe the pain is a sign of growth. >> do you think trump poses an existential threat to the american way of life? >> i think trump will sell ukraine to putin. it's a threat to global security. and to me it is a big issue. >> if we get to the place where it is just trump versus biden, who do you support? >> well, i don't want to vote for either one of those characters. >> one person you just described as an accidental threat to global security. but even with that, voting for
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an old man is too much? >> that is voting for nothing. >> global security risk or nothing. i'm not saying those are great options. but i am also saying, that is not a hard decision. >> that is a hard decision to me. >> you can feel nothing, okay, it would be nice to feel something inside, or you can feel getting punched in the nuts. if you had to choose feeling nothing or punched in the nuts, it feels like a no-brainer. >> so at least if you get punched in the nuts, you can fight back. you are still there. >> trump 2024 comments i get punched in the nuts. at least you will feel something. >> yeah. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you, jordan. when we come back, yuval noah harari will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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heinekenne. ♪♪ the green one. ah. ♪♪ hakkinen? yes. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a historian, philosopher, and bestselling author of "sapiens." his latest children's book is called "unstoppable us volume 2: why the world isn't fair." please welcome yuval noah harari. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ standing ovation. wow, yuval. thanks for joining me. >> good to be here. >> ronny: i've been watching your stuff for the last ten
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years, before i came to america. love it. you specialize in dealing with the history of humanity and the rise and falls of civilization. what made you think that was an appropriate topic for children? this is pretty heavy stuff, man. >> yes, but you need to understand history to know even the most basic things about yourself. like when i was a kid, i often woke up in the middle of the night afraid of the monster under the bed. which happens to a lot of children. >> ronny: yes. >> and you call your mom but you also want to know, why is it happening? and history actually holds the answer. >> ronny: what is the answer? >> because this is really a memory from hundreds of thousands of years ago, when humans lived in the savannah and there were actually monsters, cheetahs, lions that came to eat kids in the middle of the night. >> ronny: is that something you want kids to know? >> yes! >> ronny: that this monster was once real and they killed kids in their sleep? >> it is important to know that because you then understand your own emotions and feelings better. you understand that i'm not crazy to be afraid of these
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things. with kids, you have to speak very simply. >> ronny: like sometimes we die from diarrhea. >> yes. >> ronny: so this is what i think. i think you wrote -- you have written "sapiens" before which is a great book for adults. i think that there's too many dumb people who couldn't understand what you are saying so you wrote this, not for kids, you wrote this for dumb adults. that's is what this is. you put some pictures in there. [cheers and applause] an illustration of someone dying from diarrhea. this is for dumb adults, right? >> that is one explanation. >> ronny: right, right. i feel like a lot of what you are telling us is the message of what history is trying to tell us now. i feel like that is what you are trying to decode right now, a lot of it. i guess, what is the message that history is trying to tell us now? >> many messages. one thing is to beware of
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unintended consequences of what we do. like again, the agricultural revolution, people thought it was a good idea. it brought about epidemics. so same lesson for the big revolutions of right now, like ai. the more important message is that the world in which we live has been created by humans and therefore, humans can change it. >> ronny: when you talk about history, you are always like, humans came, they ate berries. you maintain this academic objectivity. what actually do you go, [bleep] this shit? >> the question about any story, money, ai, whether it increases or decreases the suffering in the world. >> ronny: see, this is a nonanswer. tell me what you made. >> what i hate? >> ronny: for me, so you think -- you are openly atheist. >> yes. >> ronny: can you clarify that god is just made up? >> yes. >> ronny: we have it here. can you say it to the camera?
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>> humans created god. >> ronny: we settled it. that is great. this guy, we solved it. [cheering and laughter] >> again, it should be emphasized, just because humans created it doesn't mean it is bad. it can also do good things. >> ronny: stop hedging this. just let it ride. just go, this sucks. the last thing i found very interesting is, you said that right now, we have humans composing things and ai amplifying it. that is our current situation. in the future, we will have ai composing things -- >> already, the images you saw before of ai generating fake images. this is basically a kind of art. >> ronny: sure. >> so it is still the first steps. but ai is still a baby. it's like, ten years since the start of the major ai revolution. so we haven't seen anything yet. and it is very likely that in a couple of years or decades, much
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of art, many of the stories we believe, even religion will be increasingly created by this alien intelligence and not by human intelligence. >> ronny: okay, see, that's bad. that is a bad thing. that's not good. >> it is a very dangerous thing, absolutely. >> ronny: are you going to say [bleep] that? can you at least say that's bad? >> yeah, that's bad. [laughter] >> ronny: i finally got you to say something was bad. [cheers and applause] okay, i don't know. i guess i'm equal parts hopeful and pessimistic about the future. >> that is a good stance. it is a balanced stance. [laughter] >> ronny: all right. thank you so much for speaking to me. "unstoppable us volume 2" is available now. yuval noah harari, everybody. we are going to take a quick break. we'll be back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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