- they did it! - oh, my sweet j-jesus!eetj - you have played guitar hero enough to reach 1 million points!e i congratulations!! [crowd cheering] - that's it? - god damn it. god damn it.goddam [door slams] - butters, you want to play me next? - okay. o ka but i get to be the one that betrays you after the sex and drugs party!ysgs pay captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> ronny: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got a great show for you tonight. we'll talk about nikki haley updating her linkedin profile. we've got a new contender for craziest republican. and you won't believe who the two presidential nominees are going to be! so let's get right into our ongoing coverage of "indecision 2024!" ♪ ♪ [applause] let's begin with the big news. yesterday was super tuesday! the most important tuesday of the year if you're a [bleep] nerd. with 16 states and territories holding their primaries on the

same day, it was the last chance for someone other than donald trump and joe biden to break through and change the dynamic of the race. please, buddha, don't let biden and trump dominate the vote. please, don't let them dominate the vote. >> president biden and former president trump dominate the vote, sweeping nearly all their primaries, clearing their path for a november rematch. >> ronny: no! the baby boomer death grip continues! does anyone else have a chance to break through? ♪ ♪ >> nbc news election news alert. and this is good news for nikki haley. nbc news can confirm she has won the state of vermont. it's her first victory of the night. >> ronny: yes! vermont! [cheers and applause] she won the "subaru owner who makes their own honey" voting bloc. you can build on that! 2024, nikki haley! >> breaking news this morning. nikki haley dropping out of the

2024 presidential race, leaving donald trump the last man standing in the race. >> ronny: no! don't quit now, nikki! you were only 80,000 delegates behind! if you drop out, who will little girls without any principles, convictions, or charisma look up to? actually, hang on, i need to talk to nikki for a second. nikki, i'm sorry, i have no idea why everyone is being so mean to you, including myself. i was actually rooting for you. i know you were just trying to save your party and the world from donald trump, and all we ever did was shit on you, because you're such a giant loser who sucks so bad. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm doing it again. so please consider this a formal and sincere apology. we should have done a lot better. like you should have done in your own home state that you lost by like 20 points like a loser. i'm sorry, i'm sorry! i can't stop! but i swear to god, if you just turn around and endorse trump... i will -- i will totally be expecting that. but now nikki haley is out, and so the whole party is coalescing behind donald trump.

even mitch mcconnell endorsed him today. [boos] mitch, you said trump did an insurrection. trump said racist shit about your asian wife. and you endorsed him again? i mean, what is wrong with your brain? other than that thing that's obviously wrong with your brain. so it's now officially trump and biden. they crushed the primaries like it was an audition for a life alert commercial. and you know what? you know what, america? i don't want to hear any more complaining! okay? everyone is bitching about how much you don't want it to be trump and biden, and you all picked trump and biden! all of you say you hate them, but at least a couple million of you are lying! and now what, the primaries are just done now? where were the twists? where was the drama? i swear, if someone doesn't murder their fiance on the "love is blind" finale, i'm smashing my tv. although, to be fair, there was a little bit of drama. democrats did give joe biden some trouble yesterday. >> in minnesota, nearly 20% of

democrats voting "uncommitted" instead of voting for biden, a significant protest vote fueled by concerns about his age and support over israel. >> joe biden lost american samoa to a little known candidate named jason palmer, 51 votes to 40. >> ronny: hell yeah, jason palmer! [cheers and applause] look at him go! quick question, though: who the [bleep] is jason palmer? i have never seen this bloated matt damon in my life. and suddenly he wins american samoa? i mean, this must be a fascinating guy with an interesting background. tell me more. >> palmer's biography holds him up as a political outsider. he called himself an education and tech entrepreneur. >> ronny: okay, pass. hard pass. i don't need another generic white guy tech entrepreneur. no thanks. i can't believe this is who sid from "toy story" became. but as boring as this dude was, if you watch his campaign video, you'll see that he had one thing going for him: correct pronunciation.

>> talofa lava. i'm jason palmer. american "sah-moa," i'm asking for your vote in the democratic caucus on march 5th. >> ronny: yeah, american "sah-moa." i also can pronounce it correctly. just like when i visited "chee-lay." and "barth-elona." where i ate a "qua-san." that's how underrepresented pacific islanders are. if you can say their name correctly, you'll sweep the vote. but still, how could he be so popular in american samoa when no one knows him here in the mainland? >> you're probably wondering, who is this jason palmer? i've never heard of him before. well, in the mainland, i'm actually very well known. [laughter] >> ronny: wow. i actually respect that. this dude is going down there like, "i'm the most famous man in america. you guys don't have the internet, right?" here's what i think really happened: american samoa got together and voted for this guy as a pr move. because they need it! america doesn't give them

citizenship or votes. most americans don't even know american samoa is part of america, even though it's in the name! so they let this random guy win the primary, and all of a sudden, we're talking about them! now everyone's saying, "wait, this is a place that's part of america? it's not just a cookie? we should let this cookie vote!" but between the protest vote in minnesota and the upset in american samoa, the democratic party has some tensions. for more on these results, let's go to grace grace kuhlenschmidt, live from american samoa. [cheers and applause] grace, what is the mood over there? >> ronny, i've been walking up and down this beach all day, and let me tell you, the mood is great. [laughs] people are smiling, the sand is soft, i can see whales! i'm falling in love with politics all over again! >> ronny: that's great insight. for more on minnesota's uncommitted vote, let's go to michael kosta in duluth.

[laughter] michael, what are you seeing on the ground there? >> what am i seeing? i'm seeing grace in an island paradise while michael kosta's stuck in a duluth parking lot! according to an exit poll i conducted with myself, these results [bleep] suck. why did grace get to go to american samoa? >> sorry, where's american samoa? i'm in american "sah-moa." >> ronny: yeah, michael, maybe if you had some cultural sensitivity, you could be there too. grace, what are the voters saying about what they want from the democratic party? >> a lot, ronny. i've talked to a bunch of voters. one of them is a very cute volleyball instructor. and later i'm going surfing with one of the rock's cousins! >> ronny: and michael, have you talked to any of the rock's cousins? >> they're not here! nobody cool is here! all right? it's just me in princess leia earmuffs trying not to freeze to death.

meanwhile, grace is having the time of her life on a sunny beach? i hate democracy! this sucks! >> ouch, michael. i'll have you know it's not always perfect here. it rained this morning! [crying and laughing] and the rainbow that it made over the mountains was just so beautiful. i'm not usually spiritual, but like, i got it, you know? >> ronny: that's amazing, grace. it sounds like you need to stay a little bit longer. we'll set you up. michael, hey, you stay out there, too. >> what? no! i want to come home, ronny! >> ronny: no, we can't afford to fly you home if we're going to pay for grace to stay out there. >> yeah, michael! have some respect! i'm reporting! excuse me, could i get another complimentary mai-tai? i'm very well known on the mainland. >> ronny: grace kuhlenschmidt and michael kosta, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we'll find out who the next martin luther king jr. is. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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the governor's mansion is going to be among the most competitive. and now cnn is projecting that the republican candidate in that race is going to be lieutenant governor mark robinson. >> a favorite among evangelicals, becoming the first black gubernatorial nominee in north carolina. >> those who want to go into the mud feel free. where we're going is we're going towards the substantive issues that all north carolinians face. >> ronny: wow, pretty cool. this guy could be the first black governor in north carolina history. and it's nice to finally have some serious candidates in the republican party who are really focused on the issues. so what are these issues? >> ain't but two genders! ain't nothing but men and women. >> he says, god called on men to lead, not women. >> called to be led by men. when it was time to face down goliath, sent david, not devita, david! >> there's no reason anybody anywhere in america should be

telling any child about transgenderism, homosexuality, any of that filth. and yes, i called it filth. >> we could pass a bill and say, you can't have an abortion in north carolina for any reason. >> he says the civil rights movement in the 1960s was, quote, "crap," and that martin luther king was a communist. >> robinson posted the movie "black panther" was quote, "created by an agnostic jew to pull the shekels out of your schvartze pockets," using the yiddish words for money and black. >> he referred to the victims of the parkland school shooting as "spoiled little bastards." >> he says the moon landing in 1969 may have been fake. he also says there's a secret ruling cabal that is part reptile. >> and said that beyonce is satanic. >> ronny: wow. [boos] this guy hates everybody! gay people, jewish people, women, school-shooting survivors, beyonce. i mean, this guy is so into hating people, he even hates mlk. i know we're a divided country, but i thought the one thing we could all agree on was

"mlk good." and by the way, you can't just hate on everyone and leave out the asians. okay, that's racist. i will give him credit, though. you don't usually hear an anti-semite busting out yiddish. it's a very woke form of hatred. so this guy is saying some pretty extreme things. let me guess how trump feels about him. >> he's been an unbelievable lieutenant governor, mark robinson! this is martin luther king on steroids. okay, now, i told that to mark. i said, i think you are better than martin luther king. i think you are martin luther king times two. >> ronny: wait, mlk times two? did someone check the math on that? this guy doesn't even like mlk! but trump just ranks all black people on a scale of "how mlk" they are. "i had a great golf caddy. i give him 1.5 mlks."

and "mlk on steroids?" i kind of wish mlk was on steroids. that would've really sped up the civil rights movement. "i had a dream i was going to beat your ass!" "okay, okay! have some rights!" jesus. but mark robinson is the perfect symbol of where the republican party is at right now. because if you really want to be successful as a republican, you kind of have to be insane now. and we have donald trump to thank for that. he came into politics saying crazy shit, and instead of losing, he became the president! and so now his playbook is the playbook of the party. so like it or not, trump is kind of a visionary, a trailblazer. i guess what i'm saying is, trump is mlk... times three. when we come back, chelsea peretti will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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here at papa johns, we know our stuff! so try our garlic epic stuffed crust pizza. made with our iconic garlic sauce flavor, mixed with cheese and hand stuffed into that papa johns original dough! no one stuffs a crust like papa johns. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show!" my guest tonight is a comedian and actor who wrote and directed the new film, "first time female director." >> so life is good then? having fun following a male lead mutiny against a first-time female director? >> oh, god. don't embrace those labels there because because they are not labels, they are facts. i have a vagina, no? >> i don't know. >> fact. you have one too. you and your vagina took me and my vagina for granted and you left me and my vagina for dead. >> i am really uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going.

>> i thought you love the body. >> i do. >> i thought you loved medical terminology. >> ronny: please welcome chelsea peretti! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> thanks! wow! thank you. >> ronny: the people love you! >> the people have spoken. wow. >> ronny: you are very beloved. >> does this chair vibrate? >> ronny: yeah. >> weird question. i think i saw an ad on instagram for this. >> ronny: we try to keep our guests happy. >> thank you. >> ronny: your project is "first time female director." >> yes. >> ronny: film? >> it is very [laughter] >> ronny: you are also a first time female director pierre got to go this is going great. can i get the regular host? [laughter] >> we said we wouldn't roast each other! look at this! >> look at is going at each

other. "first time female director," you had a really larry david, "curb your enthusiasm" five. berry handmade. was that intentional, was that a lack of budget? >> [laughs] i'm trying to spur him to come after me because i'm a big fan of ronny's. i just want to say that. i really am. >> ronny: i am a huge fan of her too. [cheers and applause] no, we never met but you were very nice to me over the pandemic. over instagram and i was a huge fan of yours, watching your company specials. i love your music album that you released during the pandemic. it was about coffee. >> thank you. it was a coffee concept album, one of those. >> ronny: you did during the pandemic from a pandemic project. >> it was. pandemic and when call the club it happened, i was like, why did i spent the last eight months of my life making enough about coffee. what a waste. >> ronny: i like the music. you've got a film now. what you were saying to me among many things is, you are a

stand-up comic. you are starting in these comedy clubs and all of that. >> right here in the city streets, right here. >> ronny: when you do comedy, especially when you are starting out, you are in a bar full of drunk people if you are lucky. sometimes the bar is empty. >> if you are lucky. usually, it's a bar full of drunk men exclusively. >> ronny: then you are moved into directing a movie. how did you get that skill set? >> all it really took was decades. [laughs] so if you have decades to spare, you too might be able to do t that. no, but i wrote for tv, i wrote for "park and ride," and amy produced this movie. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: don't just say "amy." >> amy poehler. i know you are on a first-name basis with her. >> it would be weird if i always called her amy poehler. >> ronny: is she the one who kind of champion you? >> she is, yeah. >> ronny: how did this project come about? because it is very meta.

i don't want to misdescribe this. your first time directing this, directing a play in the movie, and a real life, you are a first time female director directing the movie. >> that is pretty accurate. that was a good description. >> ronny: what was the inspiration? >> the inspiration, well, i challenged myself to write a fake excerpt of a play at ucb theater in los angeles, which was a southern world drama. and it was a fun night. it was very silly. we did a really pretentious q&a afterwards. and then i was like, could i make this into a movie? that is kind of the origin story, if you will. >> ronny: and that is how you started. people, making movies is very hard. i mean, forget that making it, just trying to get it up and going. >> i tried to get ronny come actually tried to get him for my movie and i was told he is offer only. that is when an actor thinks they are too good to audition. so i was like, whoa, this one

hurts. >> ronny: but i am offer only. >> you are. >> ronny: so why didn't you make an offer? why didn't you make an offer? i was waiting. >> that was a good follow-up question. [laughs] >> ronny: make the offer. >> it's too late too late. technically -- >> ronny: you can do reshoots. >> what i want to offer you is the lead. [laughter] >> ronny: i will take the lead. >> we will redo it. this is good. >> ronny: so and you debuted at last year. >> i debutedded it. [laughter] >> ronny: i'm sorry, did i make a minor grammatical mistakes? [laughter] i'm sorry. >> sorry, i am white feminist. >> ronny: >> ronny: i don't know who wins here. >> probably you. >> ronny: if we keep fighting, white men are going to win. [cheers and applause] let's get on board and promote

the movie. >> watch it. >> ronny: when did you debuted? >> friday. friday, march 8th. >> ronny: but you got into the festival. >> we got into tribeca. >> ronny: it's hard to get into tribeca. you can't just walk into tribeca. it has to be a good movie. >> this is a hot crowd. >> ronny: this crowd is hot and good. [cheers and applause] they are hot, they are a little old. >> are they? >> ronny: a little bit. they've been waiting around in the new york rain. so i really appreciate them. that is a compliment. thanks for being so old and waiting out in the rain. and they love you. >> you are sweet with them. [laughter] a tender rapport. yeah. >> ronny: so tribeca was great. i know you are underselling it but it is hard to get into tribeca film festival. >> yeah, i got a fake stand for it. very classy. >> ronny: and now it is

premiering on -- >> roku, march 8th. i am excited and i hope people enjoy it. >> ronny: it is awesome. what was the most challenging thing you had on this project? >> not being able to get you in there. i really was -- no. >> ronny: cassie me was the biggest challenge? >> i love that you named it "first time female director." if anybody gives a bad review, is that, like, just sexist, right? >> it's a trap. that is what i'm trying to set up is some sort of infrastructure like that. any title you think of, you think of this duty reviews where they say, something like, they always use the title to slam the movie. "first time female director," i don't know. maybe it is harder. >> ronny: yeah. there is no reason to slam the movie because i watched it, it was great. >> thank you. >> ronny: super funny, very original. >> scanning your eyes to see if you are telling the truth. >> ronny: i am. think of it is a weird time because everyone is like, i love

the movie. i am like -- >> ronny: that is how i know you are iconic because comics can't take compliments. >> you cannot trust. >> ronny: you can't tell me a nice thing about myself. >> i love you. >> ronny: i don't believe that. >> you know it is funny, my dad loves you too. we were at dinner and he's like, i love this comedian. he is emotionless. [laughter] and the weirdest thing is, i go, is that this guy? and i pulled up a picture of you. and i was like, do you mean him? that was the joke. [laughter] >> ronny: i appreciate your dad knowing me as emotionless and not the asian guy. that is great. thank you so much. chelsea, thanks so much for being on the show. this thing is coming out on roku channel march 8th. please, give it a watch. chelsea peretti, everybody. she is also. [cheers and applause] we will take a quick break but we will be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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tide free & gentle is epa safer choice certified. it's got to be tide. [sfx: seagulls squawking] [sfx: fishline] back for another flounder fish sandwich? and a shrimp tackle box. let us do the fishing while y'all enjoy our seafood that you'll love. get them before they're gone. hey, can i get a verdinha? a what? hekkene? moneken? heini! hakkinen, please. me? ♪♪ wait, how do you spell it? ♪♪ heinekenne. ♪♪ the green one. ah. ♪♪ hakkinen? yes. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: hey, that's our show for tonight. now here it is coming your "moment of zen." >> this is a room chocked full

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