, ok, guys, xbox won the console wars. i mean, what are we gonna do, not play video games? - the last few weeks we've been too busy to play video games and look at what we did. there's been drama, action, romance. i mean, honestly, you guys, do we need video games to play? - that's right. - he's trying to make a point. - maybe we started to rely on microsoft and sony so much that we forgot that all we need to play are the simplest things, like...like this! we can just play with this! screw video games, dude. who [bleep] needs them? all: yeah! - [bleep] 'em! - the south park video game, coming to stores soon. - yeah, and if you believe that, i got a big, floppy wiener to dangle in your face. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. florida tells teens to touch grass, the supreme court finds out what women want, and donald trump just read a book. so let's get into tonight's headlines, shall we? [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's begin with the ongoing legal woes of america's defendant-in-chief, donald trump. trump has just over a week to come up with a $175 million bond in his real estate fraud case. and if he can't get it from selling shares in his social media company, or borrowing from his billionaire friends, or teaming up with giuliani for a sexy car wash... then, this latest very classy

business venture just might do the trick. >> i'm proud to be partnering with my very good friend, lee greenwood -- who doesn't love his song "god bless the usa" -- in connection with promoting the "god bless the usa" bible. this bible is the king james version and also includes our founding father documents. yes, the constitution, also, the bill of rights, the declaration of independence, and the pledge of allegiance are all part of this. all americans need a bible in their home, and i have many. it's my favorite book. >> jordan: many? many? how does that thing not burst into flames immediately? yes, trump is mashing together the bible and the constitution like it's a pizza hut-taco bell. and i know people will say that you're not supposed to mix the bible and the constitution. but what you have to understand is, trump has never read either

of them. if we step back and look at this, trump getting into business with god can only mean one thing: god is going to end up bankrupt and serving a three-month prison sentence for lying under oath. what's amazing about this is that trump just made $5 billion on his new stock. buddy, you're not supposed to be doing this embarrassing grifter shit when you're that rich! just start a private space company like a normal billionaire sociopath! you don't see elon musk selling his farts in jars to perverts, do you? no! no! maybe! maybe! i haven't looked into it, but probably! probably you do. i bet -- yes, -- let's move on, shall we? let's move on to the big news of the day. as we've all heard by now, this morning, a cargo ship leaving baltimore crashed into the francis scott key bridge, collapsing the entire bridge into the water. early indications suggest the

crash was caused by a power failure on the ship. but that's not going to stop america's professional fearmongers from blaming it on whatever's most convenient to them. >> the white house says there are no the indications of foul play here. of course, we are worried about potential terrorist attack given the wide-open border. >> you know, i'm no expert on what's going on on the seas. but all i would say is, is that, if you talk to employers in america, they'll tell you that filling slots with employees who aren't drug addled is a very huge problem. >> and what are we doing to make sure that we have the best infrastructure in the world so that when a ship passes by and clips the bridge that it doesn't entirely collapse? >> alex jones tweeting, "looks deliberate to me. a cyber-attack is probable. world war iii has already started." >> jordan: world war iii has already started?

but i have "dune" tickets this weekend! can i at least see it before i enlist in the war? who are we fighting, exactly? it is boats? are we fighting the boats? you know what, it doesn't matter, i'll just start shooting and we'll figure it out later. you know, media figures, you are allowed to just say "we're waiting for more information," right? we don't need to fill every moment of uncertainty with bullshit. [speaks in anchor voice] "it might be too early to speculate, but can we prove that this wasn't p. diddy's getaway sex-barge?" [cheers and applause] [applause] of course america's infrastructure is in need of updating but i don't think this is the proof. falling down is what you expect a bridge to do when a giant cargo ship slams into it. if your grandma gets body slammed by the rock, you're not going to blame her broken bones on a calcium deficiency. you're going to blame it on her not bringing her a-game to the rock!

you got to step it up, nanna! got to step it up! come on! [cheers and applause] finally, finally, some social media news. if you're a pre-teen in florida watching clips of this show on tiktok, you're about to be in a world of trouble. >> we turn to a social media showdown in florida. governor ron desantis signing a bill banning children under 14 from having their own social media accounts. if this law holds, florida will have one of the most restrictive social media bans in the country. the new measure bars social media accounts for children under 14 and requires parental consent for 15 and 16-year-olds. it also mandates social media platforms search for and remove the profiles of kids who don't meet the age requirement. [exhales] >> jordan: okay, this makes me so mad! this asshole ron desantis... might have done something i

agree with. [cheers and applause] what does that say about me? i don't know what this says about me. i do think maybe this law isn't a bad idea. i think we can all agree that social media is a nightmare for kids. it increases their risk of depression, it exposes them to predators, it harms concentration, it gives you wildly unrealistic expectations of how easy it is to prepare meals. just throw in the potatoes, some scallions, some boiling water, a couple of fast edits and voila, beautiful dinner and your entire family loves you, you're a great father! no, it's not that easy! turns out, there's a lot of prep work, the videos don't show you, you got to blanch the onions, julienne the carrots, now it's 10:00 pm, your kids are starving, they hate you, but why am i supposed to be cooking anyway! i was at work all day! i'm not a failure! i'm on tv, goddamn it! hypothetically. [laughter and applause] the point is, if florida teenagers are kicked off of

their phones, maybe they can focus on all the quintessential experiences of being a teen in florida. things like wrestling a gator at prom, or going to the library and reading the four books that are still legal to read, or trying to avoid matt gaetz on your walk home from school. classic florida teen shit. honestly, i wish ron desantis had run on this when he was a presidential candidate. this is a much better message than his platform of wearing high heels and smiling like a demon in a horror movie. there's always 2028, ron! for more reaction on this social media ban, we go to josh johnson in tallahassee. [cheers and applause] josh, i'll be honest, i don't hate this bill. i think getting kids off social media will benefit them in all sorts of ways: cognitive development, better time management, personal skills. it's going to be great for them. >> yeah, jordan, i couldn't agree more.

and that's the problem! okay? if you kick kids off of social while the rest of us stay on it, you're giving them a competitive advantage. how am i going to compete against a well-rounded child after social media has already broken me? i have short-term memory loss, bad eyesight, no attention span, crippling anxiety, short-term memory loss. and according to tiktok, all those symptoms mean i might be pregnant. [laughter and applause] >> jordan: okay, okay, josh, come on. i'm pretty sure you can compete with a 14-year-old. >> i can't! i've been staring down at a phone for 20 years. i can't even make strong eye contact. look! >> jordan: stop that. stopped doing that. don't -- stop. don't ever do that again, josh.

>> i don't know any other way! >> jordan: i understand your concern, but you have to admit, social media is awful for kids. they just spend all day bullying each other online. >> yeah, i get that, but banning social media won't make the bullying energy go away, it'll just redirect it to the rest of us, specifically me. i used to live across from a middle school, jordan. i basically couldn't go outside after 3:00. i was walking home one day in shorts and a kid in a wheelchair yelled at me: "damn! i thought my legs were [bleep] up!" [laughter and applause] >> jordan: fair, but you are an adult. you can handle a couple of accurate comments. but there have been conclusive studies that social media lowers kids' self-esteem. >> what about my self esteem? a child said i look like a pedophile merged with one of his victims. and his friend said they loved my performance of "fast car" at

the grammys. >> jordan: well, yeah, okay, yeah. [applause] i guess i could see it. >> you want to know what else they said? because they had more in the chamber! >> jordan: i don't know what they said, maybe "nice suit, did it come with a car seat?" or "you're like if lil wayne never rapped." or "i didn't know adults came in fun-size." something like that. >> okay, okay, jordan, damn! you too? >> jordan: sorry, it's just easy. to be clear, you're saying you oppose this bill? >> yes. in fact, it should be mandatory for those kids to be on social media! every child's face should be glued to a screen to protect me -- i mean us -- when we walk home in jorts. >> jordan: you can't argue with that. josh johnson, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we return, we'll find out how republicans can get voters back. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." in the last few years, anti-abortion activists have had a string of successes at the supreme court. but today, it appears that their winning streak might be in jeopardy.

♪ ♪ >> the supreme court today appeared likely to preserve access to mifepristone, the medication used in nearly two-thirds of abortions last year. during oral arguments this morning, court watchers say a consensus seemed to develop among the justices that the abortion opponents who filed suit lacked the standing to sue. now, if it stands, it would allow patients to receive the drug by mail order without a doctor's visit. >> jordan: that's right, looks like women in red states can still get an abortion, as long as they can sneak in a pill through the mail. success! maybe women have too many rights now? i don't know. but even if the abortion pill survives this time, it's clear that women's reproductive health will be under threat for a long time. which presents a big problem for republicans, who are trying to figure out how to win over women voters while taking their rights away. >> the republicans do have a woman problem. what do they need to do to message to those folks better?

>> a brand new strategy memo circulating at the house gop's policy retreat recommending that members express empathy for women. >> jordan: "express empathy." okay, novel idea, let's keep brainstorming. >> republicans need to learn how to talk about abortion in a way that is going to appeal to suburban voters, single mothers, married mothers, women across the political spectrum. >> jordan: yes, be as appealing as that guy... okay. [laughter and applause] these are very good notes. yes. achievable, i think, yes. any other breathtakingly obvious suggestions? >> what do you think the republicans need to do with their abortion messaging? >> well, i think it's an overall message in general. you got to talk directly to the people, you got to give and take on some issues and looks like the majority of americans

don't like the rape and incest thing. >> jordan: all right. i almost forgot. the majority of americans don't -- don't like rape and incest thing. right. it's amazing what the polling shows! here's a humble suggestion: maybe one way to win over women is not to talk about rape and incest like it's a menu item you forgot the name of. "oh, we went to that cute place and we had the -- what was it? that rape and incest thing? you know, with the phyllo-dough crust? so good!" but obviously, if republicans want to get the support of women, they could focus less on tweaking their messaging, and just, i don't know, give women their rights back. not that complicated! [cheers and applause] it's an idea. but maybe it's going to take

extreme measures for republicans to realize that. [applause] ♪ ♪ >> meet senator tim greco the arco likes fast cars, sexy women, and abortion bans with no exceptions for, incest, or the life of the mother. >> the eyes have it. total abortion ban. >> he thought he had politics all figured out. >> our poll numbers with women are tanking fairy just doesn't make any sense. republicans are mad they suck at sports. kobw! >> i'm going to go jack off in the breastfeeding room. >> a freak jacking off accidents transformed him. ♪ ♪ >> it's killing me. to go into the one thing his political party couldn't understand. >> whoa.

i am a woman. i'm going to barf. >> this november... >> you're pregnant. >> i can't be pregnant. it is thursdays thursday. isn't there some kind of medical procedure i can get? >> like an abortion? >> no, i mean like a medical procedure. >> not in this day. thanks to the law that tim greco just passed. >> should not have made that so specific. >> the inspirational story of one republican. >> boss, it's me, tim greco. i got turned into a pregnant woman from a magical breast pump on my penis. >> i believe you. continue. >> i know what women voters want. legalized abortion. >> [laughs] [evil laugh] greco, that's a good one. hey, does this mean since you are a lady now, that i could have sex with you?

>> no! maybe. ♪ ♪ >> and what it is probably going to take to make republicans realize what women voters actually want to. >> women voters want access to abortion. you know, like, before. >> before? maybe women voters want trans women banned from working and sandwich shops? >> write that down. down. so ago hey, now that you are a woman, can we maybe -- >> ew, no. may be. >> what women voters want. coming to theaters this fall. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: when we come back, jim scuitto will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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♪ don't you ever let me go ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a cnn anchor, chief national security analyst, and bestselling author whose latest book is called "the return of great powers: russia, china, and the next world war." please welcome jim sciutto! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ great to have you here! "the return of great powers: russia, china, and the next -- the next world war." what are we talking about? is this going to be a cold war, a hot war? >> it's an uplifting story, something to relax on a sunday afternoon. >> jordan: it's a lovely read

that i read to my kid, just to scare them to do better in school, to be honest. >> it is a warning. and i spent a lot of years in these places, tracking these things, which i think we have to be concerned about, so it is meant to be a warning, and i think it is a serious one. but i also think going into it, we, that it is the people who want a world not run by autocrats -- >> jordan: which is about half of us. >> maybe even more. we have some advantages going into it. i direct, over time, ways that we can find a way forward, i avoid the next world war, but also come out on top with the ways that we hold valuable. >> jordan: it provides in some ways the blueprint to get past that, but also, looks back as to how we got where we are right now. you wrote this book before the terrorist attacks in russia just a week ago. i'm wondering how you see an attack like that affecting some of these pathways? >> listen, post 9/11, that was a period when the u.s. and russia worked together on terror, they were sharing information and so on, and it showed there are times that you have shared

interests. that period with russia certainly, to the point where the reporting is the u.s. actually warned russia that an attack like this was in the offing and putin basically ignored the warning. that is partly a lack of trust, which is important, partly lack of communication. those channels aren't open anymore, so that is a sign of one of the dangerous trends here, that we don't talk in ways that we used to. we have to get back to that point. right now, we are going this way, we are not going this way. >> jordan: you talk to a lot of trump insiders. i think something that stood out in reading this was we heard stories about trump's desire to pull out of nato. you kind of walk through how close that was to becoming a reality. what i find compelling, that is a big issue right now. i will say, when i go out and talk to people at maga events, there is an isolationist attitude, to say the least. we are so disconnected from the realities of what that was created for, that i think the discussions we are having right now about the importance of nato are falling on deaf ears on one party and one candidate, but

also on deaf ears on i think an electorate that isn't educated in history in a way to understand what nato is supposed to do. is this also a crisis of education? >> 100%. you know as well as me that the baseball bat doesn't work. when you're trying to convince people of the importance of these things or how it served our interests over time, you have to remind people and make an argument, as to what we gain from it. nato has stood by the u.s. the only time nato has evoked its mutual defense agreement was post 9/11 and they want to wear a thousand afghanistan post 9/11. so you have that. but also a peaceful europe that is free from russian domination is in our interest. it is a vibrant europe, it is an economically healthy europe. we sell a lot of stuff there, we can build a business there, we can send our kids to semester abroads there, things we buy are cheaper here because it is peaceful there. you can say the same thing about asia. half the stuff in our homes comes through shipping lanes in asia, which the u.s. helps keeps open. so you have both a sympathetic case to make for this kind of

thing and a values case, but you also have a self-interested case because we benefited from that for years. not just since the last cold war, but even going back to 80 years ago, post-world war ii. nato and other treaties help keep the peace pretty much. it's not perfect. but they did prevent, so far, right, the next world war. that is important. we benefit from that. but the final thing is that you can, with those treaties, they can help us from going down the bad path. the final thing is that communicating what you won't stand for matter is, right? if you look -- i speak a lot to the estonian prime minister. estonia is right on the front lines of this, right next to russia. she constantly quoted churchill about hitler, which is, an appeaser is the one who feeds the crocodile, expecting that he will be its last meal. the thing is, the parallels between hitler and putin, if you give a little ground, he tends to take more. he took a piece of georgia in 2008, he took ukraine in 2014, then he invaded again. the clear communication, we

learned this from hitler, if you are soft and don't tell them what is too far for you, they might then take advantage and move forward. the u.s., i think, and its allies can be confident and say, we are not going to allow to invade countries because borders matter to us and the cost will be high for you. that doesn't necessarily mean we will go to -- we will take you to war by any means. but we defend our friends and we will be strong and those messages matter over time. if you look back, sometimes clear messaging can prevent miscalculation and can prevent the guy on the other side thinking he can take advantage of you. >> jordan: it is a great read. "the return of great powers" available now. be sure to check out "cnn newsroom" on max. jim sciutto. >> thanks so much. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: we will take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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dr. garcia? woah. they're a sign of bacterial infection. crest gum detoxify's antibacterial fluoride works below the gumline to help heal gums and stop bleeding. crest saves the day. crest. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> it is so important, it is still missing but it's going to come back and is going to come back strong just like our country is going to come back strong. in the end, we do not answer to bureaucrats in washington. the answer to god in heaven.

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