clyde? clyde, you there? hello? [toilet flushes] [seat clatters] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper.

we've got so much to talk about tonight. joe biden is getting a celebrity makeover, new yorkers are furious that traffic might go away, and leslie jones is joining us tonight! [cheers and applause] yeah. plus, the legend huey lewis will be here! [cheers and applause] so let's get into headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's begin with the breaking news: sam bankman-fried, disgraced crypto mogul and man who got bitten by a radioactive pube, has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for all his crypto scams. [cheers and applause] hopefully this saga has taught people not to fall for the easy money scam that is bitcoin. >> bitcoin on fire, touching another all-time high yesterday. >> bitcoin hits another record. the world's largest

cryptocurrency surged above $72,000 today, a new all time high. >> jordan: buy bitcoin. use kid's college tuition account. sure thing. yeah, not a problem. speaking of money, let's move on to one of the foundational principles of american democracy: money. the green was out today when president joe biden made history with the biggest one-day cash grab of all-time. >> the biden campaign just announced that its blinged out fundraiser in new york tonight has already raised $25 million. the event will feature former presidents barack obama and bill clinton in a huge list of others. >> they will be assembling more than 5,000 supporters at radio city music hall for this first of its kind fundraiser. one batch of supporters who will have a photo taken by famed photographer annie leibovitz of themselves and the three presidents. >> jordan: wow.

biden, obama, and clinton all in one show. it's like coachella for the kids who asked the teacher for more homework. and this fundraiser is serious. some people are spending $500,000 to be there. and guys, i'm sorry, this just feels gross. $500,000 for access to a president? that's not how democracy should work. save that money for a supreme court justice. much better bang for your buck. [cheers and applause] shell out for an rv and a jet ski and you are there. i will say, it must be a unique experience to have your picture taken with three presidents. and it's not just any photographer, it's annie leibovitz, may be the most famous photographer. she did the one of demi moore pregnant and naked, john lennon hugging yoko, naked, staying in

the desert, naked. the point is, you have to be naked. don't worry. bill clinton is way ahead of you. you'll be fine. totally fine. [applause] but let's move on, because while the presidents are hobnobbing in new york city, the rest of us have to deal with the traffic. every city is all too familiar with the side effects of traffic: delays. pollution. flipping someone off a mile back and now you're stuck next to them for an hour. [laughs] but now new york city might have just found a solution. >> here in new york, the first in the nation congestion pricing plan set to begin soon, charging drivers a $15 toll to enter midtown manhattan. >> the mta says 700,000 vehicles enter this part of the city every weekday, and the new tolls will help curb congestion and possibly generate billions of dollars for improvements to mass transit. but for many new york city commuters, they're saying no

thanks. >> another $15 just to get to work, which is just -- it's absurd. >> for each and every one of you, there is a special place in hell for you. lucifer waits for you, he waits for you! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: he sounds mad, but if you don't know, in new york, that's a typical greeting. "hey, jerry! lucifer waits in hell for you, you sonofabitch! how are the kids? sadie, is she good? see you at montessori drop-off, you jag-off." now personally, i can see the upsides to congestion pricing. it's better for the environment, it reduces traffic, there's fewer cars on the road, so there's more space for you to get hit by delivery bikes. but understandably, people are upset. and the last thing i want is

angry drivers in new york. i mean, can you imagine? new york's already too expensive. a beer? $15. grab a lunch? that's 40 bucks. you wanna get a handy from times square elmo? not in this economy! for more on the congestion pricing, we go live to grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] grace, you're also a commuter like me, i assume you'll be suckin' it up and paying the congestion fee, too. >> uh, no. maybe you're a sheep, but not me. >> jordan: grace, i'm not a sheep. >> baa! that's what you sound like, jordan. >> jordan: okay. >> baa! i'm gonna shear you and make a lovely sweater. look, i'm not just gonna pay a "congestion fee" just because the "law" says i have to. that's not what america is about. check your constitution, bro. >> jordan: you mean the document that is a collection of laws? that's what you are talking

about? >> baa! >> jordan: okay. grace, grace, you can't avoid the fee. they'll have cameras that will catch you driving into the city. >> yeah, on the roads. that's why i'm going to drive through the sewers. it's fast, it's efficient, and you might run into a teenage mutant ninja turtle. >> jordan: ninja turtles aren't real, grace. >> so i was hooking up with four normal teenage turtles? >> jordan: uh, for all our sakes, i'm going to move on. i should point out, you can't actually fit a car in the sewers. >> okay, then, how about this? the fees only apply to cars and trucks. so i buy a boeing 737. they're super cheap right now. >> jordan: those are really dangerous. >> yeah, to fly. i'm gonna drive it, idiot. >> jordan: grace, wouldn't it be easier to take the subway? >> no! it's a hellhole down there, jordan.

have you ever heard of subway flashing? >> jordan: yes, i know it's a big problem. >> yeah, a lot of people don't even react when you do it. everyone's on their phones, it's very hurtful. >> jordan: grace, just take the subway! >> there's got to be a better way. i know! i'm going to dig a tunnel under the cameras, so i can avoid them. and then over time, i'll extend that tunnel to connect to different areas of the city. >> jordan: you're describing the subway! >> i'm describing an underground utopia. and i am gonna call it the subway. >> jordan: okay. grace kuhlenschmidt, everybody. when we come back, leslie jones will be joining us. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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mixed with morita peppers, a splash of pineapple and fresh lime. it's where fire meets flavor. chipotle's chicken al pastor, the wait is over. [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." you know, all this week, i've been sharing my opinions on the news. and rightfully so, they're pretty great opinions. but studies show that other people also have opinions, so here with another installment of "in my opinion," is our good friend, leslie jones. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> yes! that's right. your favorite auntie is back to straighten out america. because america needs me, lord have mercy. the election is now less than eight months away. and guess what? america is on the path to doing something really, really stupid. >> new fox news polls finding former president trump leading president biden by five points nationally in a head-to-head matchup. this is the biggest lead yet against joe biden. just over half of those voters said that they are worse off today than compared to 2020. >> a new cbs news poll shows 46% of registered voters remember the trump-era presidency as excellent or good, compared to president biden's 33%. >> if the election were held today, even democrats i know think that trump would win. >> what the [bleep] is wrong with us? seriously!

[cheers and applause] this is like a movie where you see the disaster coming from a mile away and nobody is stopping it! every time i turn on the news, i'm shouting at the screen like it's a horror movie. "don't go in there, america! leatherface is in there, america!" i mean, are we really going to bring back a man who tried to overthrow the government? this is like asking jeffrey epstein to watch your kids! or a pedophile priest to watch your kids! or that sick [bleep] who used to work at nickelodeon to watch your kids! hey, how about we do this: don't let anyone watch your kids! and listen, i know some people don't care about january 6th, but let me remind you about something real quick:

he was also a terrible [bleep] president before that! [cheers and applause] do we really not remember? i know we don't have attention spans anymore, but how can you forget the man who wanted to nuke a hurricane? that actually happened! and the thing that gets me the most is there are these people saying we're worse off now than we were in 2020. in 2020, we didn't even have [bleep] toilet paper. we was wiping our ass with family photos! and listen, i know the pandemic wasn't trump's fault, but trump made it worse every chance he got! don't you people remember the kind of advice he was giving us? >> president trump suggested without facts that bleach injections might fight covid. >> and then i see the

disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. one minute. and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or -- or almost a cleaning. >> he told us to inject ourselves with disinfectant! we turned to him for advice, and dude was like, "kill yoself." i could go on and on about why it would be a terrible idea to bring trump back. but you know what, i guess i shouldn't be surprised that america is about to do something that we know is harmful to us, because that is what we always do. look at how we treat our own bodies! we know we need to sleep eight hours a night, but we stay up all night scrolling until the phone hits us in the damn face. we know we should take care of our mental health, but we

entertain ourselves by watching documentaries of [bleep] serial killers. we know we should go to the doctor, but instead, we get medical advice from the internet. listen, listen, and i'm guilty of it too. when i feel sick, i look up my symptoms on web-md. i know it's irresponsible, but i can't control myself. probably because i'm dying of scurvy. [laughs] [cheers and applause] we are constantly making decisions that we know are bad for us. we know we should be eating healthy, but instead, we eat like shit. we're out here eating double stuffed oreos and triple decker sandwiches. we stack our food like a [bleep] jenga. you know what only has one layer? a goddamn carrot!

just look at the lengths we go to for fast food. look at it! >> well, this week we learn the answer to an age-old question: how long would you wait in line just for an in-n-out burger? >> at the store's first location in idaho, some patrons had to wait as long as eight hours. this week's opening featured customers even braving cold temperatures to camp out overnight just to be first in line. >> you disgusting, gluttonous mother[bleep]! eight hours? i'm not a mathematician, but if you're waiting eight hours for fast food, it ain't fast food no more! [cheers and applause] unbelievable. some of the stuff we eat

shouldn't even be legal. in fact, in some countries, it is not legal. there's shit that's been banned in europe because it gives you cancer, and we're like, "nah, we good." because we don't care enough to make good decisions! it's even acceptable in america to binge drink as an adult! listen, it's cute at 21, but baby, at 45, that's called alcoholism. and after eating like shit, we know we should be exercising, but instead, we're doing shit like this. >> and next: you've always wanted six-pack abs, but can't seem to get to the gym. now there's a short-cut for that. researchers at the university of miami have developed a new plastic surgery technique called abdominal etching. it can reshape belly fat to make you look like you spent a lot of time at the gym. tools and some foam -- this is surgery -- are used to sculpt abdominal fat to accentuate muscle lines, typically six for men and three vertical lines for

women. >> jesus wept. what is wrong with you people? you can't trick people into thinking you got fake abs! that's why we got spanx! i can't believe this is what we've got our scientists working on. forget about curing diseases, we've got to make jordan look like he's doing sit-ups! [laughter and applause] >> jordan: i mean, maybe we use a different name for that joke? >> no, i think that's a good name. i think it it makes the joke perfect actually. >> jordan: like paul or steve? >> no, it sounds great. but it's not just jordan. we all make wrong decisions, from food, to exercise, to

mental health. last but not least, most importantly: we know we shouldn't be dating djs. but here i am, swiping right on every [bleep] guy with dj in his bio. now i'm on the third hour of listening to his new song and the beat still hasn't dropped. drop the [bleep] beat, dj andre! i got to go get some sleep! [cheers and applause] so here's an idea, america: how about, for at least this election -- for this one thing -- let's not do the obviously stupid thing that we know we shouldn't do. and that means you're going to have to put in some effort. it means getting involved in the political process. it means not sitting on your ass

just because you're not in love with the choices. i know you like fast food, but this time, let's eat a carrot, instead of voting for the guy who looks like a carrot. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: thank you, leslie. when we come back, huey lewis will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ “don't let go” ♪ by terrace martin, mr talkbox, pj morton ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no ♪ ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no ♪ ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no, no, no don't let me go ♪

♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no don't you ever let me go ♪ ♪ don't you ever let me go ♪ ♪ don't you ever let me go ♪ ♪

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broadway musical "the heart of rock and roll." please welcome huey lewis! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: wonderful. i know that helps with the hearing. how do i sound, huey? >> yeah, that helps my hearing. >> jordan: wonderful. >> thanks to starkey hearing institute for that. >> jordan: the starkey hearing institute? >> yep. >> jordan: thank you very much. you know what they did? they brought together huey lewis and the fake news. finally together. [laughter] together at once. it is an honor to have you here in new york. thank you very much. >> i hate to tell you, my news is kind of fake, too. >> jordan: what? don't break my heart, huey. you got a bigbroadway musical opening tomorrow, the previews start tomorrow. >> right.

>> jordan: 30 million records sold, 12 top ten hits. how do you start to narrow down what makes it into "the heart of rock and rol"? >> which songs make it in? >> jordan: yeah. >> well, it came about because a producer called tyler mitchell, who is my neighbor's friend, was a big fan of ours, and i was over at my neighbor's house for my birthday, and he was there. and my neighbor is a big musical theater buff. and said, you know, his son-in-law, tyler, you should do a musical. we started talking about "mamma mia," how much we love "mamma mia." he said, you should do a musical with huey's music. he said, what do you think? i said, sure, give it a try. he went off with his pal john abramson, came up with a very nice idea. >> jordan: if i ran into you a decade ago and said, your music is great, it is known worldwide. people love it. you should do more of it publicly, like, i could be working with you right now? >> [laughs]

yeah. >> jordan: shit! >> actually, it took nine years. and what they did, what tyler and john did was, they printed out all of our lyrics, right, and put them up on the wall, and then just lived with them and i guess there was some jogging involved, listening, and the story emerged that was pretty compelling. >> jordan: in creating a musical, you have to create a narrative, but these songs are written singularly. do you -- how does that look to take a step back? do you feel like there was a sense of narrative to those songs to begin with? or is it sort of a reinvention of what was there? >> yeah, reimagining the tunes, really. they worked in a certain way anyway. but we had to tweak them a little bit in order to push the story forward, because the songs have to push the story forward, but by the same token, you don't want to lose the integrity of the song. so that is a little balancing

act. it is so interesting. you are a beloved musician, it is so funny. i was talking a little bit backstage, when i told the folks, when we were told that huey lewis was coming on "the daily show," people of all ages who work on this show, they love you, and they are so excited you are here. you bring such goodwill to people. and i heard the story that an "back to the future," robert told you that marty mcfly, his favorite, the fictional character marty mcfly, his favorite band would be huey lewis and the news. in "american psycho," patrick bateman's favorite band to kill jared leto to is huey lewis and the news. so in a fictional universe, you appeal both to a person who is a time traveler and a person who is a psycho killer. you are that universal. >> and you know, that is fresh material for a musical. [cheers and applause]

>> jordan: previews for shit through shit"the heart of rock and roll "began tomorrow. at the james earl jones theatre. huey lewis. we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. a mystery! jessie loves playing detective. but the real mystery was her irritated skin. so, we switched to tide pods free & gentle. it cleans better, and doesn't leave behind irritating residues. and it's gentle on her skin. tide free & gentle is epa safer choice certified. it's got to be tide. hi. hey. nice to meet you. (♪♪)

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>> jordan: that's our show for tonight. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> you might not like what i am saying, but it's a fact. you are b.s. a new yorker. it is money pit. >> we pay taxes. where's the money going? we are paying taxes again to move around new york city? >> walking is b - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪

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