ok. who should i say is calling? erin. chea three. thead twa to bar. [gibberish] paunch and loud. paunch says to bartender. how's gonna da? barte says to him four tha pa. everybody tha, everybody tha, everybody tha. draw shweb. yes. draw shweb. drive safe. yeah. i get it. [sneeze] - [babble] - ok. we're going to work on walk out to a shweb. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. the presidential race might come down to nebraska, donald trump teaches elementary school, and here's an exciting one: the moon is going to eat the sun! so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] before we get into major news, let's start with some news right here in new york city. the new york city marathon: the best excuse for soiling yourself in public. now unfortunately, the costs of running the marathon are overwhelming. from registration fees, to travel, to chronic bloody nips. and now, the price might go up even higher. >> there is a battle brewing over the new york marathon now, because the mta wants the new york city road runners to cover the cost of lost tolls on that day, $750,000 worth, because they have to shut down

the verrazano bridge. in a statement, the mta says taxpayers cannot be expected to subsidize a wealthy non-government organization like the road runners, so that could mean steeper fees for the runners to enter the marathon. >> if that's what it's going to take to run the marathon, i think a lot of runners are going to just suck it up and do it. >> that's kind of frustrating. it's already super high because new york is one of the most popular marathons to run. >> desi: come on, you couldn't even wait for her cool down? dude, you know that run is the 20 minutes of peace that woman had all day. now the marathon does generate a lot of money for new york city, so you might be asking "is it fair to charge runners even more money?" [bleep] yeah, it is! yeah, if you're going to take over the city and shove in our face how fit you are, that you have goals that you achieve then, yeah, you should have to

pay for it. in fact, they should pay every time they tell us they ran the marathon. [cheers and applause] yeah, we know, it was three days ago, you can take off the silver blanket. and for anyone who thinks this will make the marathon too expensive, might i interest you in a much cheaper alternative? it's called "love island" and three pints of haagen dazs. i win every time. but let's move on to the presidential race. it's the reason your therapist drives a porsche. at least my nose. as you know, the president is decided by the electoral college, the incredibly over-complicated system that our founders came up with as a prank on future generations. most states award all their electoral votes to whoever wins the state, but nebraska splits theirs up by district. and in 2020, that meant joe biden received an electoral vote from liberal omaha.

because as it turns out, every state has a brooklyn. but now donald trump has realized that he wants that vote, and that could make all the difference. >> could the election all come down to nebraska? donald trump thinks so. he and his allies convincing nebraska's republican governor to support a major change in the way the state has been doling out its electoral college votes for the past 32 years. >> governor jim pillen says, it's time for nebraska to speak with one unified voice by making the popular vote be the one that counts for all five delegates. former president trump applauds that effort, but democrats pushed back. >> pathetic worm donald trump thinks that he knows what's best for nebraskans and what nebraskans want but this man obviously wants this electoral vote because he's so scared he can't win the presidency without it. >> desi: excuse me, madam, whatever happened to decorum? that's former president pathetic worm. [cheers and applause] but the implications here are

huge. biden's easiest path to the white house is to win pennsylvania, wisconsin, and michigan, plus that one nebraska vote. if he gets that, he can lose every other swing state and still win the election. but if nebraska makes this change, the election could end up in a tie. and you might be wondering what happens in that case? well, it's simple, really: have you seen "the purge" movies? it's like that. nebraska should really keep this system, though, because it's certainly a more fair way to divide up electoral votes than "winner take all." in fact, what if every state split up their votes like nebraska by district, or maybe even by person! then, whoever wins the most persons would be the president! [cheers and applause] that would be pretty popular. oh, we could call it the "popular vote," i don't know, i'm just spit-balling. but let's move on to some exciting science news.

next monday, a solar eclipse will totally block out the sun over parts of america. and we're all looking forward to having one brief moment when you can look up into the sky and see something besides the door of a boeing airplane plummeting toward the ground. but it's not just a moment for humans. an eclipse offers a once in a lifetime opportunity for rudy guiliani to come out and feed during the day. yeah, it's good for him, it's good for him. now, in the old days, a total eclipse would be a time when people would gather together as a community and burn the witches responsible for it. but these days, we commemorate it in the modern, enlightened way: by trying to make that money. >> this eclipse is causing a travel boom for small towns in its path. >> hotels are up about 550% in cities like jackson, missouri, where it will cost on average more than $600 a night. in erie, pennsylvania, it's almost $800. >> companies are rushing to cash

in. some of the strangest sun-inspired foods, including chips you can only get during the eclipse. krispy kreme is even teaming up with oreos for a doughnut featuring cookie pieces. >> to catch the eclipse from the sky, delta offering a flight from austin to detroit to give onlookers an out-of-this-world view. >> desi: wow, talk about a flight where you do not want to be in the middle seat. imagine you end up sitting next to that guy who insists on keeping his window shade down. although, how cool to celebrate the once-in-a-lifetime event of a delta flight taking off on time. [laughter and applause] i love how every civilization honors the heavens in their own way. the ancient incas built machu picchu. america put an oreo on a donut. we're really milking this event for everything it's worth. but look, we can't deny the

eclipse truly is a rare, magical moment. for those lucky enough to be in its path, you'll never forget you saw that, and nothing can take that away from you. >> weather and clouds might get in the way of perfect eclipse viewing in many parts of the country. >> desi: [bleep] for more on how towns across america are celebrating the eclipse, we have our news team live in the path of totality, ronny chieng in kerrville, texas. [cheers and applause] and jordan klepper in jackson, missouri. [cheers and applause] guys, what's the mood like where you are? >> oh, it's amazing, desi. i thought this small town would be full of dumb rubes, but it's actually full of the friendliest and most welcoming rubes i've ever met. it's so nice to see america stop fighting for one day and watch the sun put on a show. >> same here, desi. knowing how small we are in the vastness of space has brought

everyone together in love and friendship to wear repurposed "avatar" 3d glasses. so i agree with everything ronny said. except for the part about the sun. everyone knows the moon is the real star here. >> oh, i'm sorry, jordan. well, the moon is supporting. the sun is the star here. i mean, it's a literal star. i'm sorry they didn't teach that in american kindergarten. >> obviously, i meant star metaphorically. they must not teach metaphors wherever you went to community college. the sun is not why people are putting aside their differences and coming together, dipshit. they're watching the moon cross over the sun. unlike you, most people don't stare at the sun all day. >> desi: okay, guys, let's not fall apart over this. the sun and the moon are equally important here. >> oh, sure, yeah, equally important. because if the sun disappears,

i mean, all that happens is everything we love freezes to death. god forbid the moon goes away. then it will be, what, harder to surf? and jordan doesn't get his period anymore! >> you put some respect on the moon! it's our cultural touchstone! "goodnight moon." "moonlight sonata." "when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore!" tell me this: have you ever gotten a moonburn? no! worst thing that happens under the moonlight is that you fall in love. or turn into a werewolf. either way, it's [bleep] awesome. >> oh, sorry, did you say moonlight? did you mean the light that it reflects from the sun? yo, the moon is nothing! it is a rock! good thing it has a weak gravitational pull, so people can leave it easier. >> oh! i thought you'd like the weak gravity, because it's the one place in the universe where you can actually dunk a basketball, smartass! >> desi: guys, stop this! i thought this eclipse would

bring us together! >> shut up, desi! >> yeah, shut up, desi! you probably like mars or some stupid shit. >> yeah, [bleep] mars. look, the moon doesn't have shit on the sun. okay? you wouldn't even know it exists if it wasn't for the sun, so don't act like the sun isn't the most important part of the eclipse. >> oh! [cheers and applause] >> hey! what are you doing? what are you doing? >> i'm eclipsing you! passing in front, which the more powerful body can do! >> get out of my box! >> all hail the moon! all hail the moon! >> all hail the sun! >> the sun! >> desi: i'm sorry i even tried. ronny chieng and jordan klepper, everyone. when we come back, we'll get schooled by donald trump. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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♪♪ ♪♪ live up to it. the all-new gx. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." the election is well underway and donald trump is back on the campaign trail this week, talking about the issue that's most important to americans. >> i got indicted more than alphonse capone, al capone, scarface, you know how bad he was. you know, these are -- i know some of the guys in the front row, they're tough guys. if you ever looked at alphonse capone, you wouldn't be tough at all. you'd be dead by the morning,

most likely. i got indicted more than alphonse. alphonse was a tough man. they did a movie called "scarface." check it out. >> desi: say what you will about trump, but when he gives you a history lesson, you remember it. i learned that al capone's name was alphonse. i learned that if you looked at him, you'd be dead by morning. trump is like the world's worst teacher talking to the world's dumbest third graders. [cheers and applause] anyway, it got us thinking, if this politics thing doesn't work out, maybe trump has a future in education. >> it is the most prestigious educational institution of all time: trump university. now the children of those trump u grads have a school all their own: trump elementary. the only school where every class is taught by the smartest man alive. it is a typical day at trump elementary and it looks like u.s. history class is about to

begin. >> i don't know what it is, the civil war was so fascinating, so horrible. leg, you were essential going to die lose a leg. that's why so many people, no legs, no arms. >> next class, science. >> think of it, magnets. all in all about magnets is this. give me a glass of water. let me drop it on the magnets. that's the end of the magnets. >> let's switch to math. >> multiply 4,733, multiply times seven, divide without paper or pencil, by the way. divide it by four. add up another 37 and half. and what's your number? how many people can do it? not too many. >> and geography. >> puerto rico is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean. it's a big ocean. a very big ocean. >> okay, time to work on your vocab. >> the n-word. do you know what the n-word is? it is "no, no." it is the nuclear word. >> how about espanol? >> character rico.

we love puerto rico. >> time for p.e. class. [cheers and applause] [chanting "usa"] >> and it wouldn't be a well-rounded education from trump elementary without a lesson in the birds and the bees. >> [moaning] >> bad news, bad things are happening. oh, mom, i'm sorry. [cheers and applause] >> desi: when we come back, sebastian younger and ken harbaugh will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] (subway noises) ♪ ("tosca, act ii: vissi d'arte" by maria callas) ♪ ♪ (orchestra del teatro alla scala, milano) ♪ ♪♪

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"against all enemies," which explores the role of military veterans in extremist groups. >> the retired. >> not surprised that extremist organizations try to recruit veterans for the credibility that we bring, but also for our commitment. that commitment takes a lot of forms. veterans are people in our society who in many ways have said, i will do whatever is necessary to preserve what i believe and come up to and including violence. >> so the kind of shit you been doing your whole career. now it's for the united states. kind of a weird thing. >> desi: please welcome sebastian younger and ken harbaugh! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

well, hello. thank you so much for being on the show. >> pleasure. >> desi: this movie scared the shit out of me. was that the goal? [laughs] >> yeah. it is a tough time in america right now and i think we all have to pay attention to whether we stay a democracy or not and that is with the point of this film was, to get us to think about that. >> desi: yeah. it really, really does. ken, you are a military veteran, former navy pilot. you can absolutely say that the vast majority of veterans have not joined these extremist groups. but for those that have, what is so compelling to them to join the oath keepers, the proud boys, three presenters? >> i am glad you recognize the vast majority of my buddies, my brothers and sisters in arms, don't go join the proud boys or the oath keepers but the ones that do come in many cases, do it out of a sense of needing

to recapture the com lottery and a sense of belonging me felt in uniform. when you take the uniform off, that goes away, almost overnight. one of the things these groups do really, really well is recreate that, by giving these veterans that sense of purpose and that sense of mission. the problem is, that mission is undermining democracy. >> desi: sebastian, you explored -- you codirected an award-winning documentary, "restrepo," that explores the war in afghanistan. you've extensively talked about combat veterans reintegrating in to civilian life in your book "tribe." what is it about the wars in afghanistan and iraq that play a role in this? >> it's complicated. the guy that i was in afghanistan with, they trended conservative but i can't imagine any one those guys do anything like what happened on january 6th. the real combat veterans usually

don't have anything to prove. and i think one of the ways that the january 6th grout is dangerous, they are dangerous and two different ways. one is that there are some real deal special forces guys who know what they are doing, who can organize a very serious violent situation in this country, and we have to be very, very careful of those guys. most of them, i would say most of the guys on january 6th with the beards and the camo, the technical pants, et cetera, et cetera, quite a bit in the military, but probably never saw combat. i think that makes them extremely dangerous, because they have that sort of fantasy of themselves as a hero, along with probably some psych disorders, and that creates a very, very dangerous mix. >> desi: you bring that up. would you say that, is it fair to say that in this country, we could have stronger support systems for those veterans who are coming back and reintegrating into society? >> yes. i don't think that's a problem with these guys. i think they are willing dupes

of a dishonest ex-president. and they wanted to believe something and they wanted a war to fight and they wanted to be -- supposedly act in a heroic way, a crucial moment in history and save the nation, except it is all nonsense, right? but that aside, just generally for vets, absolutely. we live in an amazing but alienating modern society and that's come back and it's very hard to fit in. frankly, it's very hard to fit in. the depression and suicide rate in this country is through the roof. why would that be? >> desi: so extremist groups have been in the u.s. for a long time, but what makes this particular moment so impactful and so dangerous? >> we have dealt, since our founding as a country, with extremism, with extremist groups that you have to go back a long ways to find a period in american history where a domestic terrorist movement has the cover of a political party. that is a new situation.

when you have a former president name checking an organization, the proud boys, deemed by canada as a terrorist entity, name checking them from behind a presidential podium, that is incredibly invigorating for these organizations, and you probably have to go back to the rise of the kkk in the south to find an analog to a terrorist movement that had major political cover and used it to wreak havoc. >> desi: you bring up the former president. he has certainly said some controversial things about veterans, somewhat disrespectful, some might say. he has asked wounded vets to not appear at his events. he is called american service members who are past, suckers and losers. why is it that you find that your military brothers and sisters are coming to his side? >> we all know, he has no respect for the military.

he disdains the very idea of service. he didn't just call those who serve suckers. he calls those who died fighting for the country "suckers." he called those who put on the uniform to serve their country "losers." i think it is incumbent upon us to make sure that every single veteran knows between now and the election, just how disdainful of the very idea of service the former president is. [cheers and applause] >> desi: there is no real evidence so far that trump and his followers will accept the election results upcoming. how do you see this playing out? >> it could go a number of ways. i mean, i certainly hope that the person who tried to end democracy doesn't won a second term. even if he loses, though, i think we all know that he's not going going to concede.

he tried to overthrow the results of a free and fair election once. i assume he will do it again. i know sebastian has thoughts on this but i think we need to be prepared for the worst. >> absolutely. i can't think of a good reason why there wouldn't be violence if trump loses. i mean, he's all in now, right? if he doesn't get reelected, he is right up to criminal prosecution. that's the only thing protecting him. and it shouldn't even protect him but it seems to be for the moment. so he's got nothing to lose. [applause] >> desi: a lot of these far right extremists don't trust the government. they don't trust the media. they are untrusting of our intelligence agencies. do you see any kind of hopeful time in our future where we are all dealing with the same facts? >> [laughs] >> desi: [laughs] a glimmer of hope, please? >> i think it starts with conversations like this. it starts with films like "against all enemies." but at the end of the day, it is

going to come down to one-on-one conversations. it's going to come down to a family member who cares about a veteran who is at that crossroads, between doing something noble, like joining team rubicon and helping disaster relief victims across the country for joining the proud boys and all keepers and undermining democracy. that decision often comes down to a conversation with someone who cares about that veteran. >> desi: thank you so much for being on. thank you for making this incredible film and starting this conversation. "against all enemies" is in select theaters and available on vod. ken harbaugh and sebastian younger. we need to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ with so many choices on booking.com

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight! now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> for those of us who are lucky enough to be in the path of the eclipse, let's talk about what you should and should not do. and we do have a visual reference as to what you should not do. i know you have some -- you should not do this, apparently. you should not look up at the eclipse. captioning made possible by comedy central

♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ( mumbling ) ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ why do we always hold the "sundance film festival" here ? it's so painfully crowded. people from l.a. love to come to a quaint little town, and this gives them an excuse. this used to be a quaint little town, now look at it, sushi restaurants, upscale clothes stores, $25 dollar parking, liam neeson. i think we've tapped this town's resources out. we must move the festival to another small town and begin again. that's not a bad idea, but where ?

( humming ) ( noisy street hubbub ) whoa. o.k. children, i have some very exciting news for you, why don't you tell them mr. twig ? that's right, mr. garrison, the first annual "south park film festival" begins today. wow, cool ! they're not gonna show that stupid-ass "godzilla" movie ? no, these are "independent" films. like "independence day" ? that sucked-ass too. independent films are those black & white hippie movies. they're about gay cowboys eating pudding. no, independent films are produced outside the hollywood system. without all the glitz and glamor. you show me one thatisn'tabout gay cowboys eating pudding. you have no idea what you're talking about, fat-ass ! i'm not fat, i just haven't grown into my body yet, skinny bitch ! if you call wendy a "bitch" one more time, i'm sending you to the principal's office. bitch. that's it !