- you told me i was a ghost! - but i thought you were one. - how stupid are you? so help me god, butters, i'm gonna get you back for this. i am going to get you back! - butters! - oh, hamburgers. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ make make it ri-i-iight ♪ ♪ 'cause jesus wants me to have a clean slate ♪ ♪ not fakin' it i'm makin' it right ♪ ♪ payin' for my sins and it sure feels great ♪ ♪ make, make it right make, make it right ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> michael: love this energy! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we have so much to talk about tonight. a supreme court justice is in the hot seat. america wonders if its drinking water should have less poison? plus, a live performance by vampire weekend! [cheers and applause] oh, my god! holy shit! let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] i'd like to start tonight with a topic that's pretty important to me: water. yeah, i don't know about you guys, but i'm, like, 60% water. okay? it's kind of my thing. and if you'd like to put even more water in your body, well, here's some news worth celebrating. >> this morning, the biden administration is announcing the first-ever national standard for some harmful chemicals in drinking water. >> and a new u.s. rule will impose the first ever limits on

pfas or so-called forever chemicals in drinking water. the epa is now requiring utilities to reduce the toxic chemicals to the lowest level they can be reliably measured. the agency claims this will reduce exposure for 100 million people and help prevent thousands of illnesses, including cancers. >> michael: oh! yeah, yeah! [cheers and applause] i like not getting cancers! now i know it's not cool to say nice things about big government, but this is kind of exactly what it's made for, right? i mean, that and bailing out banks, but that's not the point. look, personally, i'm not worried about forever chemicals because my brita filter is still going strong after nine years. but it's still a good idea to cut them out, even if it costs money. people have called me a big spender, but i'm willing to pay a little more for water that doesn't make everyone i love throw up and die. it's the same reason i buy

name-brand cheerios and not the asbestio's on the bottom shelf. it'd be one thing if forever chemicals tasted good, like if they had the same flavor as the cucumber water sitting in the lobby of the hampton inn for who knows how long. then, i'd be like, "yeah, it's is worth getting the cancer." but since there's no flavor, i mean, this is a no-brainer. water is supposed to be healthy. that's why your one weird co-worker has that giant [bleep] bottle. because she wants to rub it in your face how healthy she is. it's not just water we have to clean up. did you see this news about lunchables today? it turns out that they have dangerous amounts of lead. why do we do this? why do we poison everything? lunchables are supposed to be healthy! okay, they're not, but they shouldn't have [bleep] lead in them! how did lead even get in there? i guess if i were an aspiring chef and i ended up working at lunchables, making food for a

bunch of little shits with no palette and absolutely no understanding of umami, i might just grind up a bunch of pencils into their food. now that i think about it. let's move on. if you're one of those people who likes sending hand-written letters on special paper to your loved ones: first of all, stop. nobody wants to read all that. just send a text. and second of all, sending letters just got more expensive. >> stamp prices are about to increase. the u.s. postal service filed a notice that it plans to raise the cost of the first-class for stamps from $0.68 to $0.73. >> michael: i know. that's right. the price of a stamp is going up five cents, which doesn't seem like a lot, because it's not. look, i know it's not cool to say nice things about big government, but the post office is still a pretty good deal. imagine if it didn't exist and some silicon valley tech bro pitched this as a start up:

"listen up, it's called blue box. you take a letter, put it in any blue box anywhere in the country, we'll find it, we'll transport it to anywhere else in the country within three days. and the best part is, it will only cost you $40 a month, $45 without ads. and, of course, we get to steal all your personal data. welcome to blue box: it's very hard to cancel." [applause] yeah. post office. and finally, let's talk about the supreme court, the law's final boss. ooh. this crowd is mad at the supreme court. we've had no shortage of reminders lately about the supreme court's shift to the right. they overturned roe. they killed affirmative action. last summer, they issued that ruling that just said, "no homo." and part of the reason conservatives were able to do all that is that ruth bader ginsberg resisted

calls to step down when obama was president, which meant that when she died, donald trump was able to appoint her replacement. and now that democrats are at high risk of losing the presidency and senate in november, they're thinking, maybe we shouldn't trip over our own dick a second time? >> growing calls from the left for supreme court justice sonia sotomayor, one of their own, to step down and leave the bench. the point: for the 69-year-old democrats control the white house and the senate and then they can choose her replacement. >> democratic senator richard blumenthal recently voiced support for sotomayor stepping down, saying, "you know, we should learn a lesson. and it's not like there's any mystery here about what the lesson should be." >> michael: yeah, there sure isn't. obviously, the lesson is: rbg should have retired, or if would have they had listened to me, turned her into some immortal robojudge. but for some reason, neither of those things happened. [cheers and applause]

and now democrats are trying to avoid that mistake with sotomayor. but it's a tricky situation. sotomayor is 69 years old, which is, by definition, "nice." it's a little ironic that democrats are trying to push her out at the exact same time they are trying to elect a president who can tuck his testicles into his sock. but on the other hand, it's just smart politics. and i know people are saying this isn't fair to sotomayor, but have a bit of perspective. it's not like they're gonna melt her down to make the new justice. she gets to retire! she's gonna make money! she's gonna sit by the pool. she won't have to spend her days pretending to like her coworkers anymore, she can spend them pretending to like her family. and i don't care if she retires or not. i just hate that we have to go through this every few years. and like everything else in america, this is the founding fathers' fault. they decided for some reason that the supreme court justices

get lifetime appointments, and now they're basically the forever chemicals of democracy. it's not great for the rest of the country, and it's certainly [cheers and applause] yeah. it's not great for the rest of the country, and it's certainly not dignified for the justices! everyone's first thought when you die shouldn't be, "yes! a job opening!" here's my proposal: if they're gonna get to stay on the court for their entire lives, at a minimum, the justices should be required to lead more dangerous lives. you can stay on the court as long as you want, but you have to do an annual running of the bulls. [applause] but if sotomayor does retire before november, who will democrats replace her with? to find out, we go live to the democratic party headquarters and troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, what are democrats looking for in a new justice? i assume a liberal track record, some racial diversity? >> nope. youth.

their only requirement is youth. if you make any noise when you stand up, they don't want you. >> michael: so who are democrats looking for? a judge in their forties? >> i said youth, kosta. >> michael: i'm in my 40s. >> oh, ew. younger. >> michael: so, like, a law student? >> okay, so they're thinking of going baby. really take advantage of that full lifetime appointment. birth it, slap it, wrap it in a robe. >> michael: hold on, hold on, troy, that's ridiculous. babies aren't allowed to be on the supreme court. >> oh, there's no age limit to be on the supreme court. check your constitution, you tall bitch. >> michael: okay, but how will we get a baby through a confirmation hearing? they'd be screaming and crying the whole time! >> it worked for brett kavanaugh. [cheers and applause]

>> michael: hold on. a baby can't do the job of a supreme court justice! >> what? you mean sit and bang their little law hammer while wearing a sleep-sack? i think a baby can handle it. >> michael: okay, i can't believe i'm even asking this, but how would democrats even know the baby will be liberal? >> they'll just bribe them! babies are super easy to bribe. just give them a juice box and they'll rule however you want. >> michael: that's really unethical, troy. you can't bribe a judge. >> oh, all right. i'll ask clarence thomas if he's okay with it. [applause] >> michael: has the gamesmanship of american politics really come to this? putting a baby on the court? >> all right, fine. we'll stick with the current plan, where all our rights depend on which of our decrepit jurists' bodies wear out the fastest. is it sotomayor? is it clarence thomas? spin the wheel of death. and you'll find out! >> michael: no, you're right,

baby judge is easier. troy iwata, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, vampire weekend will be here! don't go away. [cheers and applause]

(♪♪) hey lexus, show alternate routes. technology that's ready for the road ahead. the lexus nx. chipotle's chicken al pastor is back. and it's fire on every level. fresh chicken hot off the grill, mixed with morita peppers, a splash of pineapple and fresh lime. it's where fire meets flavor. chipotle's chicken al pastor, the wait is over. [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guests tonight are the members of the grammy award-winning band vampire weekend. their new album is called "only god was above us." please welcome ezra koenig,

chris baio, and chris tomson! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: that's got to feel good. i mean, they didn't -- they certainly didn't do that when i came out. [laughter] so your album is tremendous. >> thank you. [cheers and applause] >> michael: i love it. the songs -- [cheers and applause] i read somewhere that vampire weekend has a superb return to form. what -- i mean, are we thinking about this in the studio and recording? are we thinking about our form? what is vampire weekend's form? does that annoy you that someone else is talking about it? it would annoy me a little bit. >> that is what you hope they say every time. we returned to form. we went home and we returned to

the form. >> michael: right, right. >> it is hard to say because we made five albums now and they are all pretty different from one another. >> michael: yeah. >> i know it when i hear it. that is what i know what vampire weekend sounds like. >> michael: recently, a lot of you, you're an iconic new york city band but you now live in l.a. what the [bleep]? [laughter] we have earthquakes here now, too, you know. >> i know, you do. [laughter] >> michael: has that done anything for the band? has it adjusted you in anyway? let's start with you. >> i guess, it's been really nice, all being in the same city for the last five years. we were spread out for a while, lived in london for a period of time. i feel like we hang all the time, we see each other every week when we're home. it's really nice. >> michael: what is your response to l.a., helping the band or hurting the band or -- >> i like l.a. you know, i know a lot of -- like any place, our producer,

ariel, who produced this album, he is born and raised in l.a. and i think anytime you are in a city, you spent time with people who know it, grew up there, love it, you grew up to love it. >> it's a well trod path. new york musicians go to l.a. always a chance for return. i think there's a lot of great people out there that we've been able to work with, in the studio, alive and stuff, it has felt really vibrant for that stuff. >> michael: i can certainly say, as a comedian, going somewhere new always helps a little bit, got some new ideas, in l.a., you don't interact with anybody. i'm sitting on the bus now instead. "only god was above us." explain the title of the album a little bit. >> well, we were lucky that we found the cover kind of early in the process. it's this amazing photo taken by a guy named steven siegel who took all of these amazing pictures in 1988 -- >> michael: not that steven seagal. [laughter] >> steven seagal.

>> michael: that's steven seagal. >> who i think -- >> michael: i said earlier, if i [bleep] up, we will edit it out. that's what we'll edit out. >> i think steven seagal was probably bored steven siegel. [laughter] >> so the photographer steven siegel, the images were all taken in what he described as a subway graveyard. all the cars were overturned. he took these real surreal pictures of the gritty, '80s new york subway cars. it was such a good image. i kept thinking, where's the "vampire weekend" going to go? why ruin this image? the only text on screen is the newspaper, which is a daily news headline. "only god was above us." at first, i kind of thought, that works. but then, as time went on, i started to feel like this is the perfect title actually. >> michael: i also love when a band doesn't need to plaster its name all over the place. there is a confidence with that and it is your fifth album, you know, maybe that played into it, i don't know. the song you are going to sing for us, "mary boone," can you describe a little bit about

what, who is mary boone, where did this come from? >> mary boone is a very important figure in the downtown new york art world. came to prominence in the '80s, you know, which is an amazing time for new york art. well-known gallerist and the song is kind of about the people coming to the city trying to make it. so i don't know, i kind of picture the person singing the song is addressing her, like an artist or something, wants to take it to the next level. >> michael: the real reason i brought you here today because i want to talk to you about your podcast. [laughter] >> thank you. >> okay, all right. >> michael: literally, the whole reason you are rock stars is so you don't have to do a podcast. [laughter] as a comedian, i have to do my podcast. you guys don't even have to do a podcast, but tell me how this started. what is it about? you asked me backstage how tall i was? [laughter] you said we talk about this a lot. what the hell does that mean? >> so -- >> michael: you are sizing me up, you're going to kick the shit out of me?

>> no, no. >> just curiosity. >> michael: a hockey jersey. >> if you haven't heard our new podcast, it is called "vampire campfire." [cheers and applause] >> michael: they invited the whole studio. [laughter] >> i think one of the origins of it is that in the fall, when the record was almost done, we went up to oregon for the first ever vampire weekend corporate retreat. >> michael: oh, wow. [laughter] >> corporations have been having corporate retreats forever but i don't think many bands have had corporate retreats. >> michael: sure. >> very fun. the last night, we were on the ocean and had a nice fire going and sort of discussing our plans and stuff like that and i think it is just really fun to sit around a fire and talk about your future and talk about the things you want to achieve, so that was one of the reasons why we did "vampire campfire" and are doing "vampire campfire." >> michael: for anyone who hasn't listened to it, what are we going to find? >> we did talk about height recently. >> comparative heights. >> i am 6 feet tall but i am the shortest member of the band.

because these two guys are 6'2". people always ask which one of them is taller. it is actually him. so we were talking about -- got us interested -- >> michael: that was actually my next question. [laughter] >> we got kind of interested in our relative heights and also the height of the fictional character jack reacher, because the character is taller than the actor who plays him. >> michael: correct. >> you are somewhere between the actor and the character. [laughter] >> michael: i will let you talk in a second but i was furious -- [laughter] when tom cruise played jack reacher? i mean, i love that show. that show is male ego at its finest, isn't it? i just want to get a cup of coffee, i don't want anyone to bother me, oh, shit, i have to kill everybody. >> very cool. >> michael: what does the podcast do for you? >> i think a big part of being in a band is -- can i say bullshitting? >> michael: oh, my god, yes, please. >> just kind of chopping it up

is a lot of sitting near each other while in motion. [laughter] kind of the biggest part of being in a band. >> michael: true. >> and yeah, i think we are thinking about this record and how it feels and how i feel for us to be together and it was just kind of felt like this is something we are kind of doing anyways. this is something we can share and it contextualizes it in a cool way. >> michael: who doesn't want to hang out with their favorite band? that is with the podcast can be. vampire weekend, baio, ezra, ct, thank you very much. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> michael: "only god was above us" is available now. be sure to stay tuned for a special performance after the break. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." now to play "mary boone," please welcome back vampire weekend. >> ♪ painted white ♪ ♪ new in town ♪ ♪ you weren't hiring ♪ ♪ but i was looking ♪ ♪ in those days ♪ ♪ my working days ♪ ♪ came in from jersey ♪ ♪ not from brooklyn ♪ ♪ oh, my love ♪ ♪ was it all in vain? ♪ ♪ we always wanted money ♪ ♪ now the money's not the same ♪ ♪ in a quiet moment at the theater ♪ ♪ i could hear the train ♪ ♪ deep inside the city ♪ ♪ your memory remains ♪ ♪ mary boone, mary boone ♪ ♪ i'm on the dark side of your room ♪ ♪ mary boone, mary boone ♪

♪ well, i hope you feel like loving ♪ ♪ someone soon ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ crooked crime ♪ ♪ petty cop ♪ ♪ not on the street yet ♪ ♪ but it was cooking ♪ ♪ in those days ♪ ♪ the burning days ♪ ♪ the one from queens ♪ ♪ not from brooklyn ♪ ♪ oh, my love ♪ ♪ was it all in vain? ♪ ♪ we always wanted money ♪ ♪ now the money's not the same ♪ ♪ in a quiet moment at the

theater ♪ ♪ i could feel your pain ♪ ♪ deep inside the city ♪ ♪ your memory remains ♪ ♪ mary boone, mary boone ♪ ♪ i'm on the dark side of your room ♪ ♪ mary boone, mary boone ♪ ♪ ell, i hope you feel like loving ♪ ♪ someone soon ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ book of hours ♪ ♪ russian icons and ♪ ♪ sand mandalas and ♪ ♪ natarajas and ♪

♪ hex sign barns ♪ ♪ ando churches and ♪ ♪ whirling dervishes ♪ ♪ long exposures and ♪ ♪ these two tunnels go west and east ♪ ♪ let me bring you my masterpiece ♪ ♪ you're the author of everything ♪ ♪ use this voice and let it sing ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ mary boone, mary boone ♪ ♪ well, i hope you feel like loving ♪ ♪ someone soon ♪ ♪ ♪

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