shoot. um...i just wanted to say thanks. that's not really a question. okay, let's get you home, pronto. [laughs] [elton john's tiny dancer] all right. good night. bye. have a good night. thank you, angela. (elton john) ♪ hold me closer, tiny dancer ♪ ♪ you had a busy day today ♪ ♪ hold me closer, tiny dancer ♪ captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, it's america's only source for news! this is "the daily show," with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> michael: yes! oh, my god, welcome! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm michael kosta, we have so much to talk about tonight. politicians are falling downstairs, joe biden almost remembered what time it is and when it comes to abortion, even republicans are mad at republicans. so let's get into the headlines. [cheers and applause] let's talk about some big news on the abortion front. earlier this week, former president trump announced that after getting roe v. wade overturned, he's happy with how everything has worked out because from now on, each state will make its own rules. you know how sometimes the speed limit is 45 miles an hour and then down the road it's 35 miles an hour? well, that's how human rights are going to work now! what could go wrong? [laughter]

but then arizona decided that its law would be a nearly-complete abortion ban that was first enacted during the civil war. and even pro-life republicans started freaking out. >> tonight, some republicans across the country are rhetorically trying to distance themselves from arizona's ruling that upholds a near-total abortion ban. >> congresswoman nancy mace, a republican from south carolina, called an asinine ruling. >> republican juan ciscomani calling the decision a disaster for woman and providers. >> kari lake locked in one of the most high-profile races in the country. she released a statement which reads, and i quote, "i oppose today's ruling and i'm calling on katie hobbs and the state legislature to come up with an immediate common sense solution that arizonans can support." >> michael: yeah. this antiabortion law is being received as well as o.j. simpson at the pearly gates... [laughter and applause] "yeah, i -- i don't see you on

here most go. even far right republican kari lake hates it! and that can't just be because she's in a tight senate race! surely she's always hated it, right? >> kari lake previously set this about the 1864 law less than two years ago. >> i'm incredibly thrilled that we are going to have a great law that's already on the books. i believe it's a-r-s 13 36 zero three. >> michael: wow. if kari lake didn't just support this bill, she knew its number by heart. "i believe it's a-r-s 13 36 zero three." she said that like when a guy tries to play it cool about how much she's into "dune." "i think i've heard of that movie, i believe that's the one where paul wields the power to fulfill the prophecy of the lisan al gaib? i think that's the one. yeah, they changed it from the books."

look, have you ever loved a lost so much that you memorized it? even a person who wrote the law in 1864 would be like "my lady, thou art a weirdo," or however they talked back then. i'm just saying the way she rattled it off, 13 36 zero three. i'm pretty sure if you find kari lake 's iphone you will be able to unlock it. that's fine. if even republicans agree that this abortion ban is to extreme, that arizona democrats can just propose a bill to reverse the old law and i'm sure the g.o.p. will get on board. check it out! >> g.o.p. lawmakers today block a vote to reverse the landmark ruling from the state supreme court yesterday reinstating prestatehood near-total ban on abortion. >> michael: well that's -- that's weird. i mean, you guys say you don't want an insane abortion ban but then you voted to keep it. it's almost like you're just... totally full of shit. [laughter and applause]

if arizona women are going to be forced to live under this law from 1864 than all of arizona's lawmakers should be forced to get their health care from 1864 standards too. if got back pain? put some leeches on it. migraine? more leeches! feeling depressed? you can see a therapist. your therapist... is a leech. [laughter] clearly this law is completely thrown republicans for a loop, they hate the law, they love the law, they don't know what to do and this is all great news actually for president biden. a perfect opportunity to hammer the republicans in a critical swing state for their confusion and their hypocrisy. dude, you got a wide open that, my man, all right? all you need to do is just tap the ball in. >> president biden was asked today what his message is to arizonans. >> elect me. i am in the 20th century --

21st century. >> michael: oh, [bleep]! you blew it! hey, republicans think we are in 1864, the president thinks we are in the 20th century. if we are playing by at the prices right roles, biden was closest without going over. [applause] luckily arizona voters will likely vote on a ballot initiative in november that will let them decide for themselves if they want abortion to be legal. and for anyone in arizona who might need an abortion before then, republicans want you to know everything is fine. >> this is tricky business, how does it play out? >> it hurts from for a few days and then people realize this is not the worst thing in the world. if you had to travel to another state to get an abortion, it's not the worst thing in the world. hopefully this is a very rare occurrence in your life, once in your life maybe you would do it.

buying a bus ticket to go somewhere to get it is not the worst thing in the world. [boos] >> michael: it's true. a technically can't be the worst thing in the world as long as that to toupee exists. but what is wrong with you guys? it's not the worst thing in the world to take a bus to a different state? it's also not the worst thing in the world to just let women have rights, you know? [cheers and applause] i would say it's actually significantly nicer than going on a bus. you know? it doesn't cost you anything, there's never a circumstance where someone takes a shit so bad they need to pull over and wait for a second bus to pick everybody up. and by the way, i love that he made this entirely the woman's problem. where is the father in this scenario? he can't give her a ride? [laughter and applause] he's just standing at the bus station waving like "bye! have a nice abortion! tried to pick up some food on the way home!"

now, a panel of men talking about abortion might seem like a ridiculous embarrassment for everyone involved, but i actually think it's a great idea for our new segment, "men talk about abortion." sickle musical [applause] fico hey, all right! you know it! yeah! >> michael: joining me now is my main bro, my main man, you are just like me. >> a big old man! just watch me open this jar! i will finish it later! >> to >> michael: you softened it up. let's get right to it. what's your solution for abortion? >> easy peasy, lemon squeezy. if a woman needs an abortion, she should just take the bus to a state where it's legal. obviously i've never had to travel out of state for an

abortion but i did accident and hit myself in the balls trying to double not my deck shoes. i cried so hard they helicoptered me to a hospital in the next state and it was fine! >> michael: couldn't agree more. women should just take the bus ride or just give birth. and what, i've never given birth. >> of course not, but you would crush it if you did! >> michael: you know i would! i know it's frustrating for women, but we can't all -- we have rights some places and other places we don't. for example, i'm not allowed to go to the epcot food court anymore because apparently you can't "do that" to the funnel cakes. double standards? >> double standard! women are making too big a deal about all of this. i've never had to walk through a line of protesters to get basic health care but i have had to make eye contact with the woman at walgreens while buying a pack of slim fit trojan condoms! sometimes you got to get past feeling judged, ladies!

>> michael: you are brave. and by the way, what about the father's rights? >> the father's have to have rights! >> michael: right! are you a father? >> i am not a father! i would like to be, but i haven't quite figured out how it works yet. i do know boobs are involved! how about you? >> michael: i haven't found the right lady. i was in a relationship for several years but she turned out to be a raccoon and she tricked me out of my credit card! >> tale as old as time period of my ex was three possums in a trench coat! point is -- point is when it comes to women's rights, we get it! >> michael: we! get! it! before we go, quick question: what is an abortion? >> not a clue. not a clue. but, but i think the boobs are once again involved. >> michael: sounds right to me!

my main bro, run! when we come back, the new app for politicians! don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ “don't let go” ♪ by terrace martin, mr talkbox, pj morton ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no ♪ ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no ♪ ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no, no, no don't let me go ♪ ♪ don't let me go ♪ ♪ no don't you ever let me go ♪

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it's hard to live your whole life in the public eye where you get brutally judged for every little verbal gaffe or pregnant mistress, but perhaps nothing is more embarrassing to a politician and falling down. and now the biden campaign is making sure it won't happen to him again. >> after one too many falls, the biden administration is going to great extents to protect the president, and we are not talking about secret service. >> president biden is rocking some new sneakers, maximum support lifestyle sneakers, that is. >> they are designed to give joey even more stability after a number of -- well, harassing stumbles and the fact that he had to give up the big boy stairs to air force one for, well, the little boy stairs in the back. >> when your candidate has to wear the equivalent of orthopedic shoes because the staff is worried about his falling on his face, you know you kind of need to change the narrative asked. >> michael: fox knows it's viewers are all biden's age, right? [laughter]

doesn't seem like the best strategy to shit on your own audience. that's why i never make fun of beautiful, charismatic, bi big-dicked geniuses, am i right? [cheers and applause] god forbid fox news was around when fdr was president. "i guess frankie needs a chair to get himself around and what is it with that blanket?" [laughter] thank you. but the good news for team biden is that they don't need to worry anymore thanks to a new service that will make falling on the stairs a thing of the past. >> are you a politician who's afraid of falling downstairs? scared of going viral for a clip of you eating a staircase? worried every step could turn you into a human slinky? worry no more thanks to the stair sherpa! a new service for politicians who want gaffe-free way to get up and downstairs.

>> nothing embarrassing about this. >> it's easy, any time you encounter a staircase in public, just hop on the stair sherpa app and request a beefy man in your area. minutes later you will be on your way. take it from these satisfied customers. >> with stair sherpa i'm able to focus on the issues i care about as an elected official. kill him, leave no evidence. >> my opponent nicknamed me tom petty because every time i walked upstairs i was free falling. jokes on him, now the only reason he calls me tom petty is because i kind of look like tom petty. thanks, stair sherpa. >> best of all, with our premium service you can choose how they carry you options include piggyback... the baby bjorn... get on daddy's shoulders... the dirty dancing lift... and the vertical 69.

>> thanks, stair sherpa! >> don't want your constituents to know you are using stair sherpa? no problem! your man mountain can wear a blue bodysuit for easy photoshopping. your secret is safe with us! >> let's be honest. falling down the stairs could be the end of your political career, but thanks to the stair sherpa, i just got elected president. >> stair sherpa. step into the future. many stair sherpas have drinking problems. if you're stair sherpa is visibly intoxicated, do not mount him. [cheers and applause] >> michael: when we come back, be five b12 hanif abdurraqib will be joining us on the show! don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

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new reese's caramel big cup. [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guest tonight -- my guest tonight as a cultural critic, poet, and best-selling author whose new book is called "there's always this year: on basketball and ascension." please welcome hanif abdurraqib! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ unbelievable! this book, "there's always this year," this is a beautiful book. it's been said "ball is life," but you have written a book about basketball, poetry, meditation, music, lebron.

was your intention to do ball is life right here, everything? >> yes, in some ways i think i failed, in other ways i succeeded. my hope was to write a book where anyone could see their own interest in it like bucking, to walk into a body of water and seeing what you most wanted reflected back to you so if you are in this book saying i want to find a basketball book, you will. if you are saying i want to find a place for or home, you will. if you want to see a complicated relationship with lineage, parentage, reflected back to, you will. >> michael: you know, you tell the story of seeing your dad shoot the basketball once. >> one time. >> michael: and this book reminded me of how much i love basketball and also how much i watched with my dad. and i wonder, it's not often described this way, is ask a ball family sport? >> it feels like it. at least -- i grew up in a house of knicks fans largely and i

remember my mother loving charles smith and the dislike for the bulls, can't love michael jordan -- you know. in some ways basketball in a family that loves basketball, it gets passed down like so many other things. you learn to love the game through the people you witness loving the game and that is a beautiful thing. >> michael: my dad loved the floater. and you describe it in here. you know, i just -- do you mind if i read your words to you? >> really? >> michael: is that strange? >> and honor, but strange. >> michael: at the floater, the most romantic shot in the game when done right, it's almost obsessed with drama, almost pausing in the air to make sure you get it's good side before it begins to twirl downward. i thought about my dad when i read that. you did that. [applause] >> i'm in the second half of my book tour, you should take over for me. >> michael: it's just one example of the things you describe so well. you said you are a knicks fan so

i'm familiar with "there's always next year." [laughter] but the significance of "there's always this year." >> it prevents a real urgency, some of it is about the passage of time and making peace with it, i turned 40 last year and i think a lot of people as they age think first about what is being taken from them instead of thinking about the many versions of them selves that are to come and to present a kind of urgency and affection around the time you have and put it in the immediate moment, for me to structure a book around that was a real generosity to myself. [cheers and applause] the one yeah. >> michael: he's not just saying that, it's divided into quarters and timeouts and there's clocks, there's a countdown. and is that to give me, the reader, a sense of like time is limited, enjoy this?

>> in some ways to put a literal stop clock, a literal countdown clock is to say you, the reader and me, the writer, because so much of the process of the book was to make us feel like we are in this together and understanding what time is, how much we have left and how much we don't have left but some of the language i was attempting was to slow you down and say for example, we are all going to die but we are not dead yet and so since we are not dead yet, have you ever considered the sunset? and you haven't really considered the sunset because there are infinite sunsets on infinite days as long as you are alive so that urges people to slow down a little bit. >> michael: i was in cleveland this past weekend -- [applause] in the audio. so i'm walking around cleveland and you are riding about cleveland a lot in here and i had forgotten how [bleep] good lebron james is at basketball. there's a lot of lebron james, but why is he an important

backdrop for you to tell the story of your life? >> for two reasons. one, i got very interested in this idea of lebron james is an immortal figure, as someone who will play forever because it does seem like right now he might play forever but of course we also know immortality is a lie. time is undefeated, as they say, it will get the best of us eventually but in a moment where it feels like i could focus in on the idea of immortality, the idea of living forever, it was interesting because for much of my life lebron james did seem like a faraway star in the background of my living. i would write about being homeless and walking through the streets of downtown columbus in hearing the game on the background in bars i could not get into so in a very real literal way he was in the background of my living in ways i could not access and any book that analyzed my living and my survival it felt as though i should render it effectively, render what was in the back room to help make it to the forefront. >> michael: that leads to my next question, which is home.

i believe you moved back to columbus six or seven years ago. you talked about everyone getting something from this. here i am, i feel like we might have had different childhoods. and, man, your description of going back home to ohio reminds me of going back home to michigan, did i have to leave michigan to be successful in comedy? do we have to -- what is ascension? all of this was hitting me in the face. what is home to you? and did you need to leave it? >> it's good to talk to another midwesterner. >> michael: for sure! >> [laughs] for me, i never felt the need to leave home. i think this book is also trying to realign a consideration of what "making it" is an ascension not necessarily something that sends you upward but anything that moves you from the place you were to the place are going and sometimes that place geographically the same but is emotionally different, geographically, and for me if you have a place you love and place where you can do your work and a place where your name will

be cemented for years after you are gone, anything you have done, you have made it. even if -- you know, my mother passed away when i was 13. when my mother passed away there were grocery workers and postal workers who mourn her passing because of how kind and generous she was to the people in her orbit and therefore her kindness was a part of that legacy and so my mother made it. >> michael: i love that. of [applause] you wrote that nostalgia is a relentless hustler. >> truly. >> michael: please, educate me. i know you did it in here but i need help with it. >> so there is a useful to say -- if we sit back and talk about the good old days of our midwestern youth, that's a lot of fun, we could do that but it actually doesn't do anything to inform the way we can live thoughtfully and generously now. nostalgia for nostalgia's sake is great but there's a difference between a porch conversation and a page conversation. a page conversation has to use nostalgia as a way to move your

actual present life forward, i think. porch conversation is fine and fun but also, i'm not that interested -- we are all getting older in the way that my for example, i play basketball now is different. i can't play the way i did when i was 20, or even 30. and it doesn't really serve me to sit back and see the good old days, i could run up and down the court. it serves me more to say i cannot do that anymore, but i can still do this other series of things that align with what i know but the game and what i love about the game and what my body is still capable of and when i do those things i'm unstoppable for a little while. >> michael: i love that! "there's always this year" is available now. hanif abdurraqib! we will take a quick break and be right back after this. beautiful book!

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>> michael: that's our show for tonight expect but before we go, please consider supporting the brigid alliance. they support people who need abortion care by providing travel, food, lodging, child care, and other logistical support. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is... your moment of zen. >> abe lincoln had just been reelected in 1864. >> how old is this?

>> that judge was nominated by abraham lincoln. >> a law that was first put on state books when abraham lincoln was living in the building behind me. go before arizona was a state and before abraham lincoln -- was reelected. think about that. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

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