(♪♪) basketball's a very physical sport. i get a lot of marks throughout the season. it's a sign of hard work. you've got to push yourself to the limit. having marks on your body is not a sign of failure, it's a step towards improvement. movement leaves marks. your antiperspirant shouldn't. degree ultraclear. nonstop protection against white marks. people couldn't see my potential. so i had to show them. i've run this place for 20 years, but i still need to prove

that i'm more than what you see on paper. today i'm the ceo of my own company. it's the way my mind works. i have a very mechanical brain. why are we not rethinking this? i am more... i'm more than who i am on paper.

i love this place, but i need better credit. bad credit? you could just open a new card. but you kinda need... ugh. sfx: [phone buzz] wow, i could build my credit that fast? nice. everything you need to outsmart the system. intuit credit karma. and so today, south park held a parade to honor officer barbrady and his heroic work on the chicken !@#$% case.

thank you, everybody, thank you ! speech, speech ! what ? they want you to give a speech. about the whole experience over the last couple of days. oh, okay. well, first of all i'd like to thank the town of south park, the town that bore me and eventually will rob me of my life precious. second, i'd like to say to all those out there who think they can screw chickens just to teach people to read, your days are numbered ! and finally i'd like to say that reading totally sucks ass. ( together ) hurray ! yes, at first i was happy to be learning how to read. it seemed exciting and magical, but then i read this, "atlas shrugged", by ayn rand. i read every last word of this garbage and because of this piece of !@#$% i'm never reading again ! ( together ) hurray for barbrady ! i guess reading really does suck ass. that's what i've been saying all along, you guys.

i'm just glad everything turned out okay, and barbrady got his job back. it's poetic justice. thanks, boys. captioning made possible by comedy central ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jon stewart! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> jon: yeah! welcome to "the daily show!" my name is jon stewart. we've got a great show for you tonight. we've got a show -- you're going to be very excited that you tuned in tonight. i'll be talking to the great salman rushdie will be joining us later, about his new book, "knife." fabulous book and great surprises. but before that, it's a big day for donald trump. huge. his campaign for president was interrupted today by the trial about the other time he tried to run for president. let's check in on the latest in

another installment of "america's most tremendously wanted." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> the whole thing is a scam. >> jon: after a week of jury selection, today, it was finally time for opening statements. and it turns out the prosecution and the defense don't see eye to eye. >> the prosecution arguing that trump's alleged scheme to keep an adult film actress quiet is election interference, pure and simple, in those words. >> trump defense lawyer todd blanche told the jury that the former president, though, did not violate the law. >> jon: mm! that's right! it's the classic case of "the state of new york vs. nuh-uh." oh, no, you didn't. i think it's pretty clear, he did it. this trial will obviously be a test of the fairness of the american legal system. but it's also a test of the media's ability to cover donald trump in a responsible way, a task they have

acknowledged they have performed poorly in the past. >> i think to the degree that the media had lessons to learn in '16, they seemed to have been learned. >> it was irresponsible for cable news networks to give donald trump hours and hours of free air time. >> way too much speculation and liberal wishful thinking in attempts to connect dots that did not connect. >> it's the media's responsibility to not get distracted. >> i think we were much too busy chasing after shiny objects. >> all of us have learned some very valuable lessons from the last couple of years in delineating what's significant, what's important. >> jon: so brave. well done. and i think for this trial, we will see the seeds of that introspection bear fruit. or we will learn that learning curves are for pussies. >> here we go. >> it's on, it's happening, history will be made. >> shaping up to be the trial of the century. >> maybe the trial of the century. >> the trial of the century. >> what just might be the trial

of the century. >> the taxman is here, donald trump. >> he will finally be forced to face the music. >> the legal walls to closing in on donald trump. >> the legal walls to closing in on donald trump. >> jon: yes, this time, mr. bond, it truly is your doom! now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to leave this room. obviously, when i leave, i'm not going to press the button that opens all the doors and dismantles the killing machine i've established. don't follow me come by mr. bond. perhaps if we limit the coverage to the issues at hand, and try not to create an all-encompassing spectacle of the most banal of details, perhaps that would help! >> you're looking at live pictures in new york city of donald trump's motorcade. >> it's about a 20 minute drive between trump tower and the court building. >> trump leaving trump tower down fifth avenue. >> they're now making their way across town along 57th street.

they just crossed park avenue making their way up towards lexington avenue. >> he's heading down the fdr to the manhattan courthouse on chambers street. >> arriving at this intersection of american history with defiance. >> jon: arriving at the intersection of american history with defiance. the brilliant juxtaposing of the gravitas of the moment with simple traffic terms was... [chef's kiss] "arrived at the intersection of american history, where he put a quarter in the parking meter... of destiny. leaving the car, looking to avoid stepping in the urine puddle of jurisprudence." seriously, are we going to follow this guy to court every [bleep] day? are you trying to make this oj? it's not even a chase!

he is commuting. so the media's first attempt at self control failed. and i'm sorry to say that it didn't -- i'm sorry, hold on, we're getting breaking news. >> you know, he wanted to get a jury seated. so we had a lady -- >> i'm sorry to interrupt, i've just one second. i apologize. we're just showing the first image of donald trump from inside the courtroom. it's a still photograph that we're showing there. just want to make sure our viewers know what they're looking at. >> jon: yes, for our viewers who are just waking up from a 30-year coma, this is what donald trump has looked like every day for the past 30 years. the same outfit. so we have a photograph of donald trump in the courtroom! but do we really know what he looks like? the man is a mystery, a yeti, if you will. anything could be a deep-fake.

do we have an eyewitness account, perhaps from a dismissed juror? >> would you describe what you saw with donald trump, what you saw inside the courtroom? >> not very much. he was a bit ahead of me and off to the left. i didn't have a complete view of him today. [laughter and applause] >> jon: wait, did i have jury duty this week? what the [bleep]? brother? [bleep] dresses like me too.

this is -- anyway. coming up, more of our three-part interview with a guy who nearly saw donald trump in the courtroom. we have a photograph -- this is freaking me out, the picture. so we have a photograph and we have eyewitness accounts. do you have anything in a pastel? >> a courtroom sketch that we're getting in right now. i'm looking at the courtroom sketch and mr. trump looks like he is glowering. i'm not sure if that's supposed to be a glower or just a glance. i don't know how this -- it's art. it's not necessarily -- it's artistic journalism, but it's not a photograph. >> jon: why are you showing it to us? it is a sketch. why would anyone analyze a sketch as -- left wow it'd be like looking at the last supper and going, "would you say jesus looks sad here? what do you think? it's because of judas? can we interview one of the waiters at one of the tables from a different section of the

restaurant who maybe actually didn't see him? but you know, we got time to kill." i guess we'll never know. unless! we could talk to the person who drew the sketch! but do we have time? nothing but! >> christine cornell, she was in the courtroom today, the official sketch artist. i want to show one of your sketches today. we're going through some of them, but this one, it appears in this one that his eyes are closed. what was happening here? >> my apologies, ma'am. i was sitting 50 feet away. i was having such a struggle to try and get those eyeballs in. >> jon: damn it, woman! does donald trump have eyeballs or no, ma'am? does he or no? you were in the room! tell me! or i will not come to your trinket shop in newport! tell me!

[applause] what the [bleep] are we doing? "i notice here his head is perfectly round, why is that?" "well, i like drawing circles." at this point, you're probably saying to yourself, "how many television hours have they devoted to what donald trump, a man who has not been off any of our screens for more than 30 seconds in the last eight years, looks like?" the answer is: not nearly as many hours as describing his every move. >> trump craned his neck to eye perspective jurors and flashed a tight-lipped smile. >> leaning to the left a little bit, quiet, his arms crossed as well. >> hunched over with his elbows on the desk. >> looked through papers and periodically whispered to his attorneys. >> fidgeted and leaned back. a scowl fixed to his face while he sat squinting. >> he was actually biting his lip during today's proceedings. >> his lips pursed in that characteristic trump way. >> jon: "his eyeballs, gone.

the hulking former president stood up, slowly, he walked towards me, with a mixture of desire, scorn, and, let's call it, age-related confusion. it was then that i realized, that this former president of the united states has a front butt." look, at some point in this trial, something important and revelatory is going to happen, but none of us are going to notice because of the hours spent on his speculative facial ticks. if the media tries to make us feel like the most mundane bullshit is earth-shattering, we won't believe you when it really interesting! it's your classic boy who cried wolf blitzer. [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ look, it's a trial. it's boring. mostly. i've been on jury duty. and i can tell you -- that's not me! that's a different guy! why are you -- it's not me! it may be me. look, trials are a lot of procedural shit and side-conference and bars and "what's exhibit 372a" and "you're out of order this whole court is out of order!" look, the one person who has had the most normal reaction to the trial so far is donald trump. >> donald trump fell asleep on multiple days during his criminal trial. >> jon: as he should! i mean, he's been up since 2:00 a.m. rage-tweeting. he needs his anger sleep. look, we've got a long ways to go. it's the first day of the first of 438 trump trials to come.

pace yourselves. and if you're bored, you can always start planning how you're going to [bleep] up covering the next trial. and the sober mea culpa you'll deliver during his next term as president. because the kinds of things that you are talking about -- >> okay, okay, we get it! [cheers and applause] >> jon: what? i know that voice. who is that? oh, my god! oh, my god! oh, my god! it's jessica williams! jessica, how are you? are you down at the courthouse! are you there to give us a report? >> yes, i am! and here's my report: jon stewart hates fun. this trial rocks. why you gotta be all "get off my lawn" about it? >> jon: i don't necessarily sound like that. of course. as i was just explaining, the media has systematically failed

to contextualize -- >> oh, jon, please, you're killing me! my poor, sweet, naive, older-than-i-remember jon. >> jon: what? really? >> we need this messy bullshit spectacle. every other news story is a massive bummer. this trump trial is like an open window in a greyhound bus full of farts. why you trying to close the window, jon? why are you trying to make us smell farts? >> jon: i was just making points -- >> no, jon, you were making farts. >> jon: i would never do that! >> this is a gift! an extremely gross old man/former president might go to prison for banging a porn star and trying to pay her off. and you don't want us to cover that shit all day long? jon, the first witness is named david pecker. [laughter and cheering] i mean, it's david pecker. pecker is slang for wiener, jon!

it's a pee-pee. it's a peeper. >> jon: i got it. >> you know, a dongle. >> jon: when you say pee-pee. and then the peeper. wouldn't it be the of the pee-pee. >> different thing. >> jon: not trying to be the grammar police. >> i don't want to get in the weeds about it. i just want to be clear about the name david pecker and it has a double meaning and that meaning is for wiener. [cheers and applause] i am already tired! >> jon: i have missed you terribly. >> i have missed you terribly. shit. and then here you come, with your old-timey, high-falutin' media critique, ruining our good time. just like you ruined the 2012

"daily show" christmas party. >> jon: i didn't ruin it! what's not fun about mocktails and tofurkey? i didn't ruin it! look, jess, i hear what you're saying, but i thought my commentary on the sketch artists was quite trenchant. >> oh, you wanna talk courtroom sketches? look at this! [cheers and applause] "wah, wah, wah, i miss walter cronkite. i have a pen and i scribble nonsense on my script before the show starts! oh, no, the mets lost again!" >> jon: jess, did you draw that of me? >> yeah, dude, 'cause it was fun to do! and people like fun, jon! damn. anyway, i should get going anyway. i think i see pecker across the street. >> jon: david pecker? >> i'm not sure whose penis it is, actually. good old new york! >> jon: jessica williams, everyone! [cheers and applause] when we come back, salman rushdie will be joining us, don't go away. [cheers and applause]

jessica! [cheers and applause] (♪♪)

(♪♪) hey, can you guys... make room for one more? of course! sam adams summer ale. light and citrusy. perfect for summer. marco! polo! ♪ hit me with your best shot ♪ bacon. bacon. bacon. introducing applebee's new whole lotta bacon burger. just $9.99 for a limited time. ♪ fire away ♪ —applebee's now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood.

hello, ghostbusters. it's doug. we help people customize and save hundreds on car insurance with liberty mutual. we got a bit of a situation. [ metal groans] sure, i can hold. ♪ liberty liberty liberty liberty ♪ four delicious pieces of chocolate. three crisp wafers.

two layers of sweet kit kat® filling. one incredible break. have a break, have a kit kat®. now served up in birthday cake. look at the salt on that dressed dos equis. after two billion years underground, that salt could've ended up in a half-empty box in a half-empty pantry. but now, it's lucky enough to find itself circling an authentic mexican dos equis. (♪♪) congratulations, salt. from where you sit now, (♪♪) it's clear your patience paid off handsomely. my schedule is pretty jammed packed these days. i've got 2... wait, no, 3 birthday parties on saturday. and sunday, that's my me time. how's that look? works for me. works for me. popeye's $25 tenders bundle is perfect for the whole family! you get 12 hand breaded chicken tenders, four sauces, your choice of four regular sides,

four biscuits, and four small drinks for just $25! you can feed the whole family at a price you're gonna love! ♪ love that chicken from popeyes ♪ [bacon sizzles] [bacon sizzles] ♪ [electronic music plays] ♪ [bacon sizzles] ♪ [electronic music plays] ♪ woo!

to test the toughness of the kia sorento x-pro and the kia sorento turbo-hybrid... (♪♪) ...we recreated some of the wettest springs... (♪♪) ...hottest summers... (♪♪) ...windiest falls... (♪♪) ...and coldest winters. (♪♪) all on one track. to prove these three-row suvs were built for the unstoppable. kia. movement that inspires. [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a world renowned and best-selling author whose new book is called, "knife: meditations after an attempted murder." please welcome to the program salman rushdie.

sir! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ nice to see you. >> nice to see you. >> jon: for its question, obviously, how are you? this was obviously a dramatic experience. how are you feeling? >> i am okay, surprisingly. >> jon: yes. >> sometimes there are great surprises. this is one. i'm pretty much recovered. >> jon: i have to say, i know it sounds peculiar to say this, because of the traumatic experience that you endured. i love this book. >> thank you. [laughs] >> jon: it is a beautiful work of introspection. i feel like i know now how your mind works. you know, i have read other of your books. but you really do a wonderful job of taking us through how you think. >> yeah, it is weird how i think.

>> jon: [laughs] [laughter] >> i mean, i have this kind of free associating mind, which goes from the moon to a movie to a book to a piece of mythology, to a joke. >> jon: i had to read this book with another book next to me to get to some of the references. but it is -- it allows you, sometimes he read an author's memoir and there is a certain self-consciousness to it. but maybe because this is about a traumatic incident, i feel like your defenses were down and it was very revelatory. >> yeah, there is a subject. >> jon: right. >> i mean, what i felt is that it starts off, there is a love story, which turns into a murder story, which turns back into a love story. >> jon: yes. the love story, by the way, it is with his wonderful wife, eliza, who is really the hero may be of the book. >> no, i mean, she did a huge amount, i wouldn't be here in

good shape without her. and plus, she is an amazing writer. >> jon: right. >> there is that too. i say with a certain amount of gritted teeth. >> jon: yes. >> [laughs] >> jon: is there competition in writerly families? >> not really. one of the nice things about this is there we are enormously supportive of each other's book. >> jon: i thought a really interesting part of the book is -- spoiler alert at the end -- when you go back to chautauqua. the famed community in upstate new york where they bring in speakers where this unfortunate event happened. and you go back to revisit the scene of it, but also, the jail. >> yeah. >> jon: where they are holding this person that attacked you. >> yeah, it was a last-minute decision. we were on the plane flying up to -- because i have this desire to revisit the scene of the crime and show myself that i was standing up where i fell down. >> jon: right. >> sort of important for me.

and on the flight up there, i thought, chautauqua is a really small town. and if he is in the county jail, how far is that from the institution? it turned out, it was like 5 minutes drive. i thought, let's go to the jail. >> jon: [laughs] i just -- it blows my -- but you didn't have a desire necessarily to see this individual. >> no, i just wanted to see the jail. [laughter] you get there, it is a really boring jail. [laughter] it is a little cellblock and a wall with some barbed wire. but i thought, you know, he is in there, i am out here. that feels good. >> jon: you win. >> what happened is, a weird thing happened. my feet started dancing. >> jon: you were dancing. >> no, my feet were dancing. [laughter] >> jon: but what does that look like? shimmying but the body stays? >> eliza said, stop doing that. >> jon: i can't imagine, this gentleman glancing out the window for no apparent reason, going, is that the guy --

>> yeah, and he is dancing in the car park. [laughs] >> jon: you talk a lot about your thoughts about this gentleman and whether you wanted to confront him. there is actually a really wonderful section of it, almost like a socratic litigation that you do in four parts. >> yeah, i make him out. >> jon: you make him up. but you don't make him defenseless. >> no. >> jon: the litigation and the dialogue that you have with him is challenging. >> yeah. i thought, you know, you've got to give the enemy and even break. if you are going to have a serious conversation, then it can't just be me yelling at him, telling him what a bad person he is, which i think. >> jon: . >> jon: yes. >> [laughs] >> jon: but he wasn't -- it makes you wonder about -- you spent since 1989, there is fatwa is put upon you and it is these fundamentalists, and these are religious extremists who have decided they are going to punish you for what ever their

reasoning was. you write, though, that this gentleman is sort of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of that. >> he's 24. he wasn't even born when this thing happened. and he, by his own account, had read nothing i had written. and yet, he was willing to commit murder. i mean, that is stupid. >> jon: yes. [laughter and applause] >> jon: i wonder if you think of it -- does it strike you as a change in fundamentalism? you know, you say he was radicalized by imam youtubi, he watched youtube videos. do you think his attack had more to do with john lennon's attack than a religious attack? >> i think in some ways, it is a very american attack. he spent four years in a basement playing video games and watching videos. and it kind of messed with his

head. and also, i mean, he is born and bred and new jersey. >> jon: slow down. i think i know where this is going. >> well, you know, you are ahead of me. [laughs] but you know, we live in an america where people kill each other every 5 minutes. >> jon: right. >> i think maybe in his new jersey brain -- >> jon: [laughs] yes. that is how we describe it as well, by the way. "he's got that new jersey brain." do you think that there is a shift -- you know, we think the fundamentalism as primarily a religious artifact. have the algorithms made fundamentalism something different from that? >> i think maybe they have. i am too old to no really, because algorithms don't know what to do with me. >> jon: right. give them a chance. >> no, i do. but they don't know what to do.

so i am not algor algorithmicaly influenced, but people are. people are all the time. and yet, i mean, i think he was -- something happened in him which made it possible for him to decide to murder a total stranger. >> jon: right. >> and that has to be brainwashing of some type. >> jon: right. >> whatever you want to call it, but i call it brainwashing. >> jon: yeah, as i read the story, i started thinking, we are so used to this idea of violence with a cause. this idea that there is something deep inside them that can almost be noble or understandable. this is not that. it struck me more as more and common with the school shootings we see here. >> yeah, exactly. >> jon: or the other things, you were just this thing he saw. >> what a strange about it, first of all, he must have known that he was messing up his own life as well. >> jon: right! >> not just mine.

>> jon: at 24. >> you know, the last thing he did before he got on the bus from fairview, new jersey, to chautauqua, the last thing he did, he canceled his gym membership. >> jon: what? [laughter] because he knew the prison had weights? >> he knew he wasn't coming back. why should he keep a standing order going? >> jon: wow! he is going through it, knowing, i don't need sirius radio anymore. so was he suicidal? or was he -- >> i don't know. maybe we will find out, whenever, if this trial happens, we might find out more about him. >> jon: do you dread something like that? is that something is still visit you? >> no. if they need me to testify, i will go testify. and i will be in the courtroom with them. but my view is, he should be scared about being in the courtroom with me. [applause] >> jon: absolutely. absolutely. do you wonder sometimes, you know -- and this is not