♪ that you turned my life around ♪ ♪ just like the like the quote from shakespeare said ♪ ♪ i'm your tweek ♪ and you're my craig [ moaning ] okay, okay. the date's almost over. tee hee hee! man: ♪ tweek and craig aren't you liking your massage? it's fine. it just doesn't really do anything for me. [ speaking japanese ] well, i've got something you might like a little better. cupid -- cupid me, no! no! i'm straight! tee hee hee hee! cupid me, what are you doing? oh, my god! oh, cupid me, that's enough! okay, that's it, cupid me! that's it! that's it, cupid me. okay, that's it. that's it, cupid me. aww. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump is looking for a new vice president, kendrick and drake are at war, and bring your dogs in the house at night, because kristi noem is on the loose. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off right here in new york city, where week three of the donald trump hush money trial kicked off with a stern warning for the defendant-in-chief. >> we just got that decision from the judge on whether or not donald trump has in fact violated his gag order again, and the judge has decided that yes, donald trump has now violated it for the tenth time and he said, going forward, if donald trump violates it again, he will consider jail time.

[cheers and applause] >> jordan: ooh! whoa! whoa, you've done it now, donald! if you violate that gag order for an eleventh time, the judge is gonna really consider jail time! i mean, he's going to strongly contemplate the possibility of consequences for your actions! oh! just one more chance! look, i get that no judge wants to throw a former president into the slammer, but donald trump has the mind of a toddler, and if there's one thing a toddler understands, it's that when mom and dad start counting like, "nine, nine and a half, nine and three quarters" -- the brat has already won. whether trump is thrown in jail for a few days over this gag order, or thrown in jail for a few years for the hush money scandal, he's still going to be the next president, so let's get into the latest news in our ongoing --

[boos] look at the polls, everybody. the latest news in our ongoing coverage of "indecision 2024." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ right now, the presidential race is all about the veepstakes. and over the weekend, everyone desperate to be trump's running mate gathered in mar-a-lago for a classic trump beauty pageant. >> there are a lot of special guests that are on donald trump's shortlist for vp and donald trump today at mar-a-lago during that fundraiser, actually called a series of them up on stage and praised them. >> about senator tim scott, he said, "as a surrogate, he's unbelievable." on congressman michael waltz: "a man that knows more about the military. when i want to know about the military, i call him." kristi noem: "somebody that i love." senator mike lee: "i love your haircut! and he's a good man too." representative hunt: "makes the best commercials." congressman byron donalds: "i like diversity. "diversitay," as you would say. i like "diversitay."

>> jordan: [laughs] wow, subtle! "byron donalds! i like diversitay!" what a clever way to say that he's black... and maybe french? "diversitay" sounds like the name of a stripper trump once slept with. i have no evidence for that, of course. maybe because he paid her that hush "monay." some vp candidates are showing like, a lot of them deny the 2020 election results, but senator tim scott was on tv this weekend, pre-denying this year's election results. >> will you commit to accepting the election results of 2024, bottom line? >> at the end of the day, the 47th president of the united states will be president donald trump. and i'm excited to get back to lower inflation, lower unemployment -- >> wait, wait. senator, yes or no? senator, yes or no? will you accept the election results of 2024, no matter who wins?

>> that is my statement. >> but -- but just yes or no? will you accept the election results of 2024? >> i -- i look forward to president trump being the 47th president. kristen, you can ask it multiple times -- >> senator, just a yes or no answer. >> the american people -- the american people will make the decision. >> but i don't hear you committing. >> that's -- that clear. >> jordan: ah! this is how humiliating it is to be on trump's team! normal questions become trick questions! "do you accept the election results?" "agh, well..." "should you look directly into an eclipse?" "well, eh...." this is not a hard question! it's like when the band comes out and says, "are you ready to party?" just say yes and enjoy imagine dragons like a responsible adult! [cheers and applause] come on! of course, one of the top contenders for trump's vp is

south dakota governor kristi noem. she's got maga credentials, she's got executive experience, she's got fox news anchor face. if you ask me, the race is hers to lose. there's really nothing she could do to ruin her chances. >> a governor thought to be a contender for donald trump's running mate this november is responding to the backlash over a story in her new book. it's a story about shooting her puppy. >> jordan: okay, maybe that might hurt her chances. i'm not a political expert, but i think if i had to give a politician advice, i would say the top thing is to not shoot your puppy. the second top thing would be to not write about shooting your puppy. look, let's give her the benefit of the doubt. maybe she has a good reason. >> in the book, noem says she shot and killed her 14-month-old puppy named cricket for bad behavior. >> noem describes leading the 14-month-old dog to a gravel pit

to be shot, after concluding it was "less than worthless," "untrainable," and "aggressive." >> as a mom, i made a choice between protecting my children and protecting them from a dangerous animal that was killing livestock. >> noem posting this response on x, saying, "we love animals, but tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm." >> jordan: that is not an excuse, kristi noem! you can't just go around executing puppies and say, "well, that's life on a farm." it's a farm, not international waters. and for bad behavior? i mean, even cruella de vil is like, "jesus! at least i was making a coat!" was there really nothing else that could have been done with a misbehaving puppy? training, medication? i mean, worst case, send the dog to a nice family upstate. that's what my parents said they did with my dog when i was a kid, and he still sends me a birthday card every year. how cool is that? now, kristi noem's defense is that she had no choice because

the dog was untrainable and a danger, although if you read her book, the carnage doesn't stop there. >> you put it in a part of a chapter called "bad day to be a goat." and then after you shot the dog you, quote, "realized another unpleasant job needed to be done. walking back up to the yard, i spotted our billy goat." >> jordan: what did the goat do? it sounds like she saw it and was like, "well, i can't leave any witnesses." she could have. [applause] come on. she could have at least given the goat an opportunity to prove its loyalty. like, here's the gun, you shoot the dog. don't forget, nobody forced her to tell anybody these stories. these are the stories she chose to tell to seem tough for the maga base in this book. by the way, was "no going back" supposed to be the title, or was

that what her editor said when they read this section? "are you sure you want this in? there's no going back." what were the alternate titles? "for god's sake, don't include this." "not sure if you're kidding, lol?" "were you hacked?" i don't know. and by the way, noem is not letting up on this. in fact, not only is she willing to shoot her dog and goat, now she wants to shoot other dogs, too. >> south dakota governor kristi noem is not backing down, defending her decision to shoot her own dog, now implying president joe biden's dog, commander, which no longer lives in the white house after several biting incidents, should be put down. she reportedly writes the first thing she would do if she got to the white house is make sure joe biden's dog was nowhere on the grounds. "commander, say hello to cricket." [audience reacts] >> jordan: dear lord, this woman has a taste for dog blood!

it's like she thought "all dogs go to heaven" was a personal challenge. [applause] why? why is she going so hard on dog killing? can cats vote now? did i miss that? for more on this, we go live to kristi noem's ranch with our own michael kosta. michael! [cheers and applause] michael, how is noem's team reacting to this story? >> they're not worried at all, jordan. this story might upset the coastal elites, but noem's people are confident that real americans understand that this is just life on the farm. [gunshot fires] >> jordan: was -- was that a gunshot i just heard? >> yeah, it was, city boy. where do you think your chicken comes from? it comes from blindfolding the

birds, leading them into a gravel pit, giving them a last cigarette, and shooting them in the back of the head, all so you can stuff your face on 10 cent wing night. it's how we feed america. >> jordan: okay, i think we all understand that death is a part of our food system. what's disturbing is how thoughtlessly governor noem treats her animals. >> yeah, but noem's team says that's a real advantage in politics. you want a leader who can make hard decisions about the budget, without being preoccupied about whether the kids are going to be hungry because they don't get a school lunch. [cow moos and chokes] >> jordan: i'm sorry, was that a cow being choked? >> oh, here we go. reality check for you left coast soy boys, all right? this is how your steak gets to the supermarket. do you think it magically falls from the sky shrink-wrapped? no, governor kristi noem sneaks up behind each cow individually

with a piece of piano wire and wraps it tightly around their neck, saying, "shh. let it happen." let it happen." it's simple, honest farm work, jordan. [pig oinks] [car starts and explodes] >> jordan: okay, i'll admit, i have no idea what that sound was. >> well, if you got outside of your media bubble once in a while, you'd know that pork is produced when an unsuspecting pig gets into his midsize sedan, starts it up, and it explodes. but does kristi noem get any thanks for rigging up the c4? well, not from the new york city brunch crowd! >> jordan: michael, i don't accept this explanation. i think the average rural american treats their animals with more respect than kristi noem is saying they do. [gunshot fires] what was that? >> let me guess:

you think your mailman meat just grows on trees, huh? >> jordan: okay, i guess not. michael kosta, everybody! [cheers and applause] when we come back, we find out who's winning the latest war in hip hop. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] you don't need the same duracell batteries that help power williams racing... (engine roaring) (screaming) ...until you do.

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"the daily show." you know, the news is so serious these days. what we could really use is a palate cleanser, like a fun pop culture story. and luckily, there was some big news this weekend. >> oh, boy, has the rap world been buzzing over the weekend. the internet on fire. are you team drake or team kendrick lamar? the feud is red hot, with both stars dropping several diss tracks over the weekend. both stars gaining tens of millions of streams in the process. the beef has been ongoing for several years, quite frankly, but it's reached a fever pitch right now. >> jordan: ooh, a rap battle! it's a great way to showcase an mc's skills. i got to say, as a michigan boy, i loved watching eminem slice-and-dice his competitors. always a great time! in fact, i bet drake is going to tease kendrick about selling more albums, and kendrick is going to make some playful jabs about drake being a toronto raptors fan. so let the ribbing begin! >> in his diss tracks, drake claims kendrick abuses and cheats on his fiancee, while

kendrick accuses drake of being a pedophile. [audience reacts] >> jordan: oh! that got dark. we went from zero to epstein in about one weekend. this beef is really out of control and it doesn't look like it's coming down anytime soon. kendrick is probably in the studio right now trying to figure out something that rhymes with "killed jonbenet ramsey." for more on this, we go live out to the streets, with our own josh johnson. [cheers and applause] josh. josh, who would you say is winning this beef? >> nope. pass. no thank you. i don't wanna get dragged into this at all. all these dudes do is research and destroy! apparently diss is short for "dissertation." and i don't need anybody looking me up and rapping about how i took my cousin to senior prom,

or that i pissed my bed until senior prom. okay? i just wanna do my job, and rest my head in whatever safe house they got j. cole in. >> jordan: i mean, i see your point. this has got to be one of the most brutal rap beefs in history. >> well, hold on, let's not get crazy. i mean, remember how rap beefs used to be? remember biggie and tupac? there's a reason that the last time you saw pac was in hologram form. what's happening now is nothing compared to back then. because hip-hop has matured. in the '90s, it was: "i [bleep] your girl, how about that?" now it's "i don't think you're emotionally available as a father and husband. [cheers and applause] due to your general lack of vulnerability, which leaves me no choice but to [bleep] your girl, how about that?" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: so you're saying as

ugly as this is getting, at least it's not spilling into violence. >> correct. in fact, i wish all global conflicts were like hip-hop beefs. the middle east, russia-ukraine, instead of missiles, wouldn't you wanna see zelensky release a track saying putin is on ozempic? that he learned brazilian ju-jitsu because he got a brazilian butt lift? or that putin's not black enough to say [bleep]. you know what i mean? or whatever the russian version of that is. >> jordan: you really think you could replace wars with rap beefs? >> absolutely. forget abroad, even at home! wouldn't the national anthem be hotter if it was a diss track against england? like, "no taxation without representation", that's already half a bar right there! now you just need something like, "you eat beans on toast like some broke-ass hoes." [laughter and applause] instead of shooting at britain, the founding fathers should have been spittin' at them. >> jordan: like in "hamilton!"

>> not like that. >> jordan: well, josh, if everything being a rap battle de-escalates situations, why are you so afraid to just pick a side between drake and kendrick? because you tell me all the time how you love drake's music and he makes you feel safe to twerk in the shower, how you like to pop ass to his beats, how it makes you feel like a bad bitch -- >> no, no, no, no, no! no, no, no, no! [phone dings] well, thanks a lot, jordan, ya gave him plenty. kendrick just dropped a song, and the cover art is me slow dancing at senior prom. oh, my, god, i got to call my cousin! >> jordan: josh johnson, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, jonathan haidt will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a social psychologist who teaches ethical leadership at new york university. he's here to talk about his latest bestselling book, "the anxious generation." please welcome jonathan haidt! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ jonathan, i see people walking all over brooklyn holding this book. it is talking about the great rewiring.

not only these phones come in and change the way kids think and society thinks, but you talk about raising a child, an anti-fragile child. you make some bold claims in this book, one of which is right here. you claim that this merry-go-round, playground spinner, is the greatest piece of playground equipment ever invented. defend yourself. >> okay. [laughs] [laughter and applause] >> jordan: first of all -- >> what is better? >> jordan: teeter-totter. it's just a metaphor, you are up, you are down. it is what life is all about. work with somebody else. one is up, one is down, no way to stay in the middle. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. [laughter] while i have no citations to prove my claim, the psychological thing i'm trying to get at there is thrills. this is something i talk a lot about in chapter 3. kids needs to play but they especially need risky play. kids literally need to face risks. if you don't give them risk, they will find a way to get it.

yes, you are right swing set, a teeter-totter is really big, you could come crashing down. >> jordan: why are you trying to hurt these kids? >> because you have to put kids in a situation where they can get hurt, because only then do they learn every day how to not get hurt. the human program of evolution is, kids face risk, they are a little scared, they overcome it, and then they are more confident the next time around. that is the path to adulthood. but we stopped at the '90s, we said no more of that. we will keep you overprotective forever and then we will send you to universities like mine where you are coming in, still not ready for independent living. >> jordan: is there an argument, though, that the anti-fragile way in which kids need to -- it is not to pull this thing away, that they need to be exposed to the risks that the internet has? i mean, this is the world they are going to be born into anyway. shouldn't they be learning how to navigate that at an early age? >> in theory, yes. but let's look at, say, sexuality. we want them to learn how to have sex.

does that mean we should give them a running start at age 8? there are certain things that are not appropriate at that time. >> jordan: just to be clear, i did not say that. [laughter] that was theoretically. whoof. >> i heard this before. in theory, why are you -- you are saying, we need to protect them less in the real word but you are saying we need to protect them more in the virtual world. isn't that contradictory? not at all. not at all. kids, we are mammals, kids need to be out playing, roughhousing, putting their arms around each other, touching, out in nature, this is the way a lot of us grew up. you play outside. and when you put kids in an environment where everything growth of their phone, as soon as you give your child a phone, they will use that, now the latest stats are around nine hours a day they are on their phone. a lot of it, it's almost all the time because they are always checking. that blocks out time in nature, time with friends. time with friends is down 65% since 2010. kids need time with friends. texting and sending emojis doesn't compensate. it is done instead of time with friends.

that, i think, is why as soon as they moved on to social media and the boys onto multi-player video games, they got so lonely. loneliness surged along with depression and anxiety. >> jordan: i read this book, i want to do this right. how do i helicopter parent my child correctly? what are some tactical things i can take away from this? >> just push them out of the helicopter. [laughter] >> jordan: sorry, learn how to fly, right? the anti-fragile of it all. [laughter] >> for birds, it works. so the key thing to the solution, even though a lot of my books, a lot of my writing is very dark, things are actually going to hell in a lot of ways. but this one, we can solve it in a year or two. first, no smartphone before high school. the second is, no social media until 16. the third norm is phone-free schools. every school needs to go phone-free by september. they don't just make the kids anxious and lonely, they make them less intelligent. test scores have been dropping

around the world.since 2012. once the kids bring the phone to school, they are doing this, not listening to the teacher. get rid of phones in schools. the fourth norm is far more independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world. this is not just about, let's take away, take away, it is, let's give them a real childhood, the kind of childhood than us older people, the kind that we look back on. [applause] so if we love our children, the best thing we can give them is a real human childhood. if we do it together, we can get this done in the next year or two. >> jordan: i love it. give your kid some space, a beer, and a bag of glass, and they should be okay. [laughter] it's a fascinating read and an important one. "the anxious generation" is available now. jonathan haidt. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

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