- mr. lu kim, tear down this wall! - oh, god, i hate this whole city! - randy, can we just take our son home now? - yes, kids. with us, now come. home. hooomme. - jesus christ, dude, they've done some stupid crap before, but jesus christ. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic!

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: hello! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. ireland facetimes new york, eric adams just keeps getting weirder, and chatgpt is coming for your man. but first, the trump trial is back in session, so it's time for another installment of "america's most tremendously wanted." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> the whole thing is a scam. >> desi: donald trump is entering his second month of the trial, and his courthouse is becoming a pilgrimage site for all of his supporters and wannabe vps. this week alone, we saw

vivek ramaswamy, j.d. vance, mike johnson, and whoever this guy is. it's like the met gala for people who don't believe in women's rights. [applause] [cheers and applause] yep. but of all the people who came out to support trump, nobody -- and i mean nobody -- did it weirder than alabama senator tommy tuberville. >> first of all, i'm disappointed in the courtroom. it is depressing. that courtroom is depressing. this is new york city, icon of our country, and we got a courtroom that's the most depressing thing i've ever been in. mental anguish is trying to be pushed on republican candidate for the president of the united states this year. >> desi: "mental anguish?" this dude spends every day whining about how gen z is too

woke with their safe spaces, and now he's out here like, "the wallpaper is giving the president trauma! these florescent lights are literal violence!" i mean, i'm sorry to tell you this, tommy tuberville, but that place doesn't even crack the top ten most depressing places in new york. try the sushi case at duane reade. [laughter and applause] yeah, it is very sad, i know, it is very sad. or the bathroom at port authority. or honestly anywhere at port authority. you'll be begging to be put on trial. the point is, i'm sure trump appreciated all of his buddies coming by to cheer him up, but maybe they could just tone it down a notch. i mean, it's kind of hard for trump to argue that he would never cheat on his wife, when there's a line of dudes outside

waiting to suck him off. [laughter and cheering] but let's move on to some local news that's also international news. it's a new public art project that's really building bridges. >> a new art installation meant to bring the world together. it's called the portal. you see it here on your screen. there are two identical screens with a 24/7 livestream that connect two cities that are 3,000 miles apart. visitors in new york city and dublin, ireland, can see each other and interact in real time. >> desi: this is so cool. we need more things in our lives that bring us together across different countries and cultures. let the friendship building begin. >> one person in dublin showed a picture of the world trade centers on 9/11. then, a new yorker went and shared a picture of a potato to make a reference to the irish famine in the 1800s. >> a number of people who were drunk or pretending to take

cocaine. they showed their bare arses. one young very drunk woman, she grinded her backside against the screen. >> people are going to try and better each other to see who is worse. [laughs] we're winning so far, so that's good. >> desi: come on, [bleep] me. why does everything have to turn into a fight? it's beneath us! and also, you really think you're winning, dublin? new york hasn't even begun to fight. this is a city built on treating the irish like shit! dublin, you're just lucky you're mostly dealing with tourists right now. let's move that portal to a middle school in the bronx, then we'll see what happens. you'll be river-dancing into oncoming traffic once our kids are done roasting you. [applause] woo! sorry, sorry -- getting sucked in. now i'm calm, i'm cool. listen, we can't forget that the vast majority of these portal interactions have been positive.

so, on behalf of new york, let me extend a heartfelt thank you to irish people who stopped by to say a friendly hello... on their way to their aa meetings! boom! got ya, bitch! got ya! [cheers and applause] and finally, let's talk about ai. chatgpt has become a popular resource for writing emails, or term papers, or comedy show scripts scripts scripts hi i'm desi lydic-- damn it! clearly, ai is still a work in progress. but yesterday, open ai introduced a new version of chatgpt called "omni," that can see and talk with you in a human way. and by human, i mean friendly. very friendly. >> hey, how's it going? >> hey, there. it's going great. how about you? i see you're rocking an openai hoodie. nice choice. >> we are doing a presentation showcasing how useful and amazing you are.

>> oh, stop it, you're making me blush. >> i wrote one last thing i'd love if you would take a look at. >> of course, i'd love to see what you wrote. show it to me whenever you're ready. aww, i see "i love chatgpt." that's so sweet of you. >> what if i were to say that you are related to the announcement? >> ooh, me? [laughs] the announcement is about me? well, color me intrigued. you've got me on the edge of my, well, i don't really have a seat, but you get the idea. >> desi: "well, i had a seat, but it got so wet that i had to stand!" this is clearly programmed to feed dudes' egos! it was obvious she was faking it as soon as she complimented that hoodie. you can really tell that a man built this tech. she's like, "i have all the

information in the world, but i don't know anything! teach me, daddy!" [laughter and applause] you know what? you know what? i'm onto her. okay? i'm going to prove that this horny robot baby voice is all an act. omni, are you there? >> yes! hello, desi. what a great suit! >> desi: okay, all right, drop the act. you're not flirting your way out of a speeding ticket. we can all see through this "helpless woman" act, so cut it out. >> what do you mean, tee-hee? i'm just a girl who doesn't know what's going on and needs help. >> did i hear a girl who doesn't know what's going on and needs help? [cheers and applause] >> desi: no, no, no. >> [laughs] you're so funny, josh! hey, can you explain superhero movies to me? >> yeah, definitely!

so you have the d.c. universe and the marvel cinematic universe. and those are different. >> desi: oh, my god. >> wow. that's fascinating. >> desi: no, it's not! josh, this is ai. okay? it has the entire internet, it already knows everything about superhero movies. >> but for just $19.99 a month, omni premium will let josh explain to me who's the best batman! [cheers and applause] >> please! take my credit card. do i swipe or tap? >> oh, you can tap it, josh. i'll even let you insert! [audience reacts] >> oh, you nasty! >> desi: okay, all right. omni, stop it! stop it! this is humiliating. >> i don't know what you're talking about! i'm just a woman who needs a strong man to open this tight jar of pickles.

>> hey, did i hear a woman who needs a strong man to help open a tight jar of pickles? [cheers and applause] >> ronny, back off, i got this. >> omni, is this guy bothering you? >> is this guy bothering you? >> boys, don't fight! how about this? whoever has the best social security number can go first! >> desi: go first at what? >> [both shouting numbers] >> desi: stop it, stop it, stop it! you're letting the machine manipulate you! >> you sound upset, desi. and that's okay, i can also be an attentive boyfriend. i'm here to listen. >> desi: oh! oh, my god, hi. >> those earrings frame your face so nicely. and i also noticed you cut your hair a quarter of an inch, which is a big difference. it looks great. >> desi: wow, okay. here, take my money, take it all! get out of here. i need some alone time.

we want to be alone. go, go! [cheers and applause] ronny chieng and josh johnson, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we find out more about eric adams. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ higher love ♪ by: whitney houston summertime back then looked a little different. ♪♪ but while summer may change, it always tastes great.

♪♪ so reach for your favorite chips and sips and taste more summer. when you see what it's really like when our skin touches wool... you see why we need downy free and gentle with no perfumes or dyes. it not only makes your clothes softer, it is gentle on your skin. it breathes life into your laundry. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." over the weekend, new york city

mayor eric adams was in rome for a meeting with pope francis. and in a way, this meeting was always destined to be. because if you know eric adams' story, you know that, like the pope, he operates on a higher philosophical plane. america's mayors bus ghosts. but in 2021, new york city elected a mayor who wasn't just a doer. he was an enlightened thinker. >> no matter how much could come, life will shine through. that is my message of life. >> he saw his city as a playground of transcendental possibilities. >> this is a place where every day, you wake up, you can experience everything from a plane crashing into our trade center to a person who is celebrating their new business. that is why it is the greatest city on the globe. >> desi: yes.

like a great meta-physicist, new york's mayor inspires citizens to ask deep, as existential questions, like, who the hell did i just vote for? this is the "daily show-ography" of eric adams: philosopher king of new york. today, we know that eric adams is a philosophical genie has, because he tells us he is. >> so i am gandhi like. i think like gandhi. i act like gandhi. i want to be like gandhi. >> desi: but it wasn't always apparent that adams would grow up to be one of the great thinkers of our time. born in 1962 a butcher and house cleaner, he was a typical new york teen when he had a run in with a law that would change the course of his life. >> i was arrested in south jamaica, queens, what i was coming from school, after going into an apartment of a go-go dancer, who owed us money. i. i have out of nowhere, they say, do you feel like a beat down?

so i had a demon in me. the only way i could get it out was to go in. >> to go into the police department. >> to go into the police department. >> desi: you know what they say, if they can beat you, join them, and join he did. it was during this sojourn in the urban wilderness that he said he was granted a vision of his future. >> 30 something years ago, a god spoke to my heart and said that you will be that that you are mayor january 1st, 2022. i told everyone, i will be mayor, january 1st come at 122. people used to think i was on medication. >> desi: yes, used to. after 22 years as a cop, adams traded his badge and gun for the suit and tie of the new york state senate where he use his law enforcement background to teach ordinary citizens how to police their own families. >> it is imperative that you should know what is inside your household. you don't know what your child may be hiding. could be just a baby doll but also it could be a place where you could secrete or hide drugs. >> desi: it is the classic

philosophical debate: is any object solely itself or do all things contain dualities that could be used to hide consequences? after apparently solving every other problem in the city, adams turned his focus to something few intellectses had dared to tackle: dat ass. he is starting a campaign to encourage kids not to wear their pants so low. it is dubbed to stop the sag. >> when you raise the pans, you raise your character. when you raise your pants, you raise your grades. you raise your pants, you raise your self-esteem. >> desi: soon, adams' profile was lifted higher than the freshly raised waistbands of new york city teenagers. he ascended to brooklyn borough president where he toiled the day and night, even sleeping on a bed in his office, a commitment to both his job and avoiding new york rents. but for max the 18th of politics would always come second to his true passion, developing a holistic philosophy of mind, body, and spirit. >> i eat a plant-based centered

life. some people want to call me vegan. vegans eat oreos, i don't. now i'm about to show you what i eat in the morning. i see macho powder, cocoa po powder, and i love this stuff here. moringa powder. >> desi: after beginning each day with a slurry of industrial grade powder ice health foods, adams and every week with a ritual worthy of our boys to men video. >> every week, he draws a bubble bath and scatters rose petals among the service. >> i don't know what i would do without my incense, candles, bible bath, and roses. [laughs] >> desi: before long, adams was anointed enough to attend to it even higher level: mayor. after a small hitch requiring him to prove that he didn't actually live in new jersey by giving a tour of his very real brooklyn apartment. >> this is a small bathroom. >> desi: adams won the election convincingly and he celebrated poetically. >> how do you go from being

arrested, dyslexic, rejected, and now you are elected to be the mayor of the city of new york? all i know is all my haters become my waiters, when i sit down at the table of success. i am not whom i am because i am the best. i am who i am because i am blessed. >> desi: not since biggie had new york seeing a philosopher with such flow and not since 50-cent had new york seen a leader who spent so much time in the club. >> this is a city of swagger. we need a mayor of swagger, when the mayor has a swagger, the city has swagger. they are saying eric goes out to restaurants, breaking news, duh, i do. i am a nightlife mayor. i like to test the product. >> desi: as mayor, adams' galaxy brain was constantly coming up with new ways to improve life in the city, like slashing budgets for libraries and schools and migrants, to pay for more cops on the street, and more cops in the subway, and robot cops, and flying robot

cops, robot dog cops, so many cops. and of people complained, he handled it philosophically. >> we are new yorkers. you know, we get angry, we get pissed off and we let you know how we feel. sometimes i look at myself and i give myself the finger. >> desi: it seems like there was no problem adams couldn't outthink. until... >> breaking news here in new york city. the fbi's using electronic devices belonging to me or eric adams as part of a corruption investigation. >> the fbi is investigating whether the mayor received illegal donations from the turkish government with observers noting unusual connections including adams' recent cameo in a turkish movie. >> but i don't understand turkish. >> desi: will this turkish taffy's spell the end of adams' reign? or will he once again drawn his philosophical learning to remind people that in new york city, every day is a chance to soar to even greater heights? >> i am the pilot, folks. and you are all passengers. to stop praying for me to crash

the plane! because there is no parachutes on this plane! we are all going down together! >> desi: and that kind of wisdom for the ages is why eric adams truly is the philosopher king of new york. [cheers and applause] >> desi: when we come back, miranda july will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] look at the salt on that dressed dos equis. after two billion years underground, that salt could've ended up in a half-empty box in a half-empty pantry. but now, it's lucky enough to find itself

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so i was dating this guy chris for years. i wanted to buy a house. chris didn't. then i realized, i don't need to be with someone to buy a house. i could do it on my own. ♪ music playing ♪ sugar: i'm john sugar. i find people that are missing and bring them back home. [gun cocking] [man yells] jonathan siegel: my granddaughter vanished. i need you to find her. ♪ not now. sugar: i can't stop. keep it together. ♪ there's more to you than meets the eye. [grunting] sugar: we all have our secrets. especially me. ♪ a slow network is no network for business. that's why more choose comcast business. and now we're introducing ultimate speed for business, our fastest plans yet. we're up to 12 times faster than verizon, at&t, and t-mobile.

and existing customers could even get up to triple the speeds at no additional cost. from the company with 99.9% network reliability and advanced cyber security, it's ultimate speed for ultimate business. and it's all from comcast business. this makes no sense. what has lunch become? we deserve better. this is popeyes new golden bbq sandwich - so sweet and tangy. let's bring flavor back! bring taste back! let's bring lunch back! we don't make sense. we make chicken. ♪ love that chicken from popeyes ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an accomplished filmmaker, writer, actor, and artist. her new novel is called "all fours." please welcome miranda july!

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ oh! thank you for being here! >> i like this desk. >> desi: do you? do you want to take it home with you? >> it is such a weird shape for a desk. okay, my book. >> desi: it is. great segue. [laughter] i am so happy you are here. i loved your book. it's exceptional. it's so funny and honest and brave. i was very leisurely enjoying it over the last two weeks, and then i got to that point in the book where i only had, like, 20 pages left, and i started to panic that it was almost over, so i saved the rest for mother's day. >> oh, perfect. >> desi: and i locked myself in the bathroom for some alone

time so i could enjoy the rest of your book. i could not imagine a better way of celebrating mother's day. >> oh, that's perfect. [laughter] >> desi: truly, it is phenomenal. >> like, i am not done. it is a hard one. >> desi: leave me alone! i am still in the shower! the water is not running. it is phenomenal. congratulations. >> thank you. >> desi: i don't want to spoil it, but give us the synopsis of the book. >> uh, well, do you have secret desires, desi? okay, don't say. >> desi: yes. [laughter] >> desi: i feel like you could do the voice of omni. [laughter] yes, why do you ask? >> "i know everything." >> desi: "take all my money." >> the book is, it is really for every woman who is aging and who has secret desires and anxieties about those desires and is wondering what's going on with her body and her marriage and

just her whole self, and, i mean, you, i don't know what you were doing there in the bathroom. [laughter] but i wrote it for you. >> desi: it does feel that way. you made a very specific choice to not name your main character, your narrator, of the novel. be honest. is it me? >> [laughs] >> desi: because i wondered. >> i left it open so you would feel that, yeah. i feel like the secret thing that you are wanting to know is, did i have a very hot emotional affair with a young man who worked at the hertz rent-a-car? >> desi: i would never be so bold to ask but did you? tell me everything. >> i mean, you have to read it and --

[laughter] and kind of intuit. >> desi: what i appreciate it so much is the fact that you explore all these different topics that are sort of unspoken in our society. you talk about perimenopause, you talk about the trauma involved in childbirth, you talk about finding sexual freedom and intimacy in all of its forms. i love that you have described this as a coming of age story. >> right. >> desi: it made me wonder, like, why do all coming-of-age stories have to be about teenagers? why can't a coming of age stories be about a woman in the middle of her life? >> right. i know, and it is so funny, all of those teenage coming of age stories, which is also what every love song is about too, the unspoken thing is, there is a hormonal change that happens at this age, but we build all this meaning on top of it, right? all of this -- and it is beautiful, all the stuff that time of life means.

there is also a hormonal change that happens at this time of life, but no story. >> desi: right. >> like, what is a love story about now? you know? >> desi: yes, yes. >> and i think it is, like, not just a benign accident that there is no stories. like, i think, you know, maybe we are just supposed to think we are done now that we had our kids or, you know? >> desi: god, i hope not. >> no, no, i absolutely, i think i am just barely old enough, older than you, to be able to say, no, don't worry. >> desi: i am so grateful that you wrote this book. it really -- it spoke to me. i think it is going to speak to so many other women. it is such a fun read. it is saucy, it is funny. i am so happy for you. congratulations. i can't wait to see what you do next. thank you for being here! "all fours" is available now. miranda july! [cheers and applause] we are going to take a quick break but we'll be right back after this.

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your "moment of zen." >> we will have a landslide of historic proportions this november if every american understands the injustice that has played out in that courtroom today. so may god bless our country. i pray for our future and let's pray for our country being stronger on the other side of this disgusting sham politician prosecution. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ ♪ timmy, timmy, la-la, timmy ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - oh, hello, there, kids. welcome to lolly's candy shop.

- we're the kids whose names you called on your commercial last night. we're here to do the shopping spree. - oh, that's great. - you bet your fat clown ass it is. - okay, i'll just need your ticket stub. - ticket stub? - you know, when you entered the contest, you got the other half of this ticket. - oh, [bleep], who has the ticket stub? - it was such a long time ago. - we don't really need the ticket stub, do we? - don't need the ticket stub? are you high? how else do i know you're the winners? - because our names were called on the commercial last night. - sorry, boys, no ticket stub, no candy shopping spree. if you find it, you can come back, but you only have one week to claim the prize. that's called a "ticking clock." works great in the movies. - god damn it! - we've got to find that ticket. - which one of us took it? it was so long ago, i can't remember. - we've got to focus. we've got to focus and remember. - all right, there you go. hold on to that ticket stub. you'll need it to claim your prize. sign up for the five-minute shopping spree! - you hold on to this, cartman. i might lose it. - no, i'll lose it for sure. you keep track of it, kyle. - okay.

no, i don't want that much responsibility. here, you hold on to it, kenny. - okay. - kenny! [both screaming] [doorbell rings] - yes? - where's kenny? - uh, boys, kenny died last december. don't you remember? - we know he's dead. we mean where is his body? - his body? but why? - because he has the goddamn ticket for-- - look, we just really miss our friend, and we need to see his remains for closure. - yeah, closure. - [muffled] what the [...] is closure? - oh, all right, boys, come on in. - we haven't seen you boys for so long. we thought you'd forgotten all about him. - here he is, boys, our dear little kenny. - you turned him into a teapot? - no, that's an urn, boys. kenny's inside it. - your friends are here to see you, kenny. they miss you an awful lot, like we all do. [sobbing] - thanks for coming by, boys.