until they are all wiped out. [bleep] you. [bleep] you, dolphin and whale! - so that's what this has all been about. - dude, it actually wasn't a dolphin and a whale who bombed hiroshima. it was the-- - shh! shh! dude, they won't rest until whoever's responsible is completely wiped out. - oh, right. look, i--i think i can make everything okay here. can i just use a phone? [cell phone rings] - hello? stan? - dude, are you sitting at your computer? i need you to do something for me. mr. prime minister, japanese officials, there's something you need to know. the photo you were given of the enola gay was doctored, because the real bombers feared retaliation so badly that they simply pointed the finger at somebody else. my government has authorized me to give you the original photo, unaltered, so you can finally know the truth. dolphins and whales were just framed by the real bombers. a chicken... and a cow. - chicken and cow? chicken and cow!

- chicken and cow use poor dolphin and whale as a scapegoat! this is outrage! [cows mooing] - [bleep] you, cow! [angry yelling] [chickens clucking] - [bleep] you, chicken! - [bleep] you, chicken! - great job, son. now the japanese are normal like us. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, jon stewart! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> jon: what is up? [cheers and applause] welcome to "the daily show!" my name is jon stewart. we got a great show for you tonight. there is so much going on in the world right now. the president of iran died in a helicopter crash, the international criminal court is moving towards arrest warrants for bibi netanyahu, and michael cohen admitted on the stand today that he stole money from the trump organization! only in a donald trump trial would the star witness be the one who ends up going to jail. how lucky is donald trump? donald trump is like a corruption mr. magoo, he's just stumbling around, quid pro quo-ing, metal beams falling all around him, gets out completely unscathed. but forget about all of that.

because there is still one story with so many unanswered questions, it made its way all the way to the white house press corps. >> can we still assume that the kansas city chiefs will be visiting the white house this year in celebration of their super bowl victory? can you confirm, is the chiefs' kicker, harrison butker, welcome at this white house? >> jon: butker! apparently, the kansas city chiefs field goal kicker gave a conservative catholic commencement speech at a conservative catholic college, seems expected. although he did have a shout out to the ladies. >> some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but i would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. [boos] >> jon: ha-ha! apparently "enjoy the pta,

bitches," not the advice you want to hear when you're $100,000 in debt earning a degree in electrical engineering. but i imagine the cancellation of one harrison butker was swift and unforgiving at the white house. >> what i can say is we invite the entire team and we do that always. i don't have anything beyond that. >> jon: aha! you wokearati at the communist --- wait, what? he can still go to the white house and be on the football team and all that's really happened is some people roasted him on tiktok? so i guess this is kind of just a passing distraction. or if you happened to tune into more conservative media... >> major scandal rocking the nfl. player's in big trouble, not for doing drugs, betting, or beating women, but because he's christian. >> the left seeks to destroy an outspoken nfl catholic. >> he's been doxxed. he's been slammed. they're calling for him to be canceled. >> the left hates christian values.

>> they will try to denigrate you, isolate you, cancel you, and ultimately, silence you completely. but be not afraid. >> jon: how can i "be not afraid" when what you have proffered is so "afraidable"? and you're hitting us with that king james sentence structure! "be not afraid!" people only say that when there is shit to be afraid of. let's say, three to four horsemen. but my question to the right, i guess, is: have you never been on the internet before? because that's all it is. it's just people giving each other shit all the time. i mean, my god, you're all so thin-skinned! look, jerry seinfeld took more shit over the past two weeks

promoting a pop tart movie than harrison butker did for his entire speech, and i ask you people, "what is the deal with that?" [cheers and applause] no, i am not doing an impression. i legitimately would like to know why he is taking so much shit about everything from everybody. and who are these people? it is so hard not to do the voice. "and who are... these people?" [applause] no, it is -- [cheers and applause] the jerry seinfeld impression is the first thing a jew learns in kindergarten. of course, nothing about the

right-wing reaction is surprising, because the idea that there is an all-pervasive, all-powerful threat to free speech called "cancel culture" has become a central tenet of modern conservativism. they celebrate their being silenced at conferences, they celebrate they are being on podcasts and streaming outlets, and with over 700 book titles about being canceled. why are there so many of these [bleep] books? unless you don't know, nobody reads anymore! and by the way, if you already read "a war on woke" and "woke inc.," you're really not going to learn anything from "woke warriors." conservatives have an entire industry devoted to complaining about not being allowed to say the things they say all the time. their victimhood is the entire brand!

>> you can no longer say somebody is homeless. you have to say they are unhoused. >> free phones, food, and clothing, sounds like a great deal for a homeless woman in a democratic-run city. >> pretty sure we won't be allowed to say illegal aliens because it'll be hate speech and therefore illegal. >> illegal aliens streaming across our border. >> trans agenda is a religion now. convert or be canceled. big trans has a real knack for making everything about themselves. >> dare to speak your mind about issues like pro-life? well, your life could be ruined forever. you could be canceled. i'm never going to apologize for being pro-life. >> how did we get to the point where we can't say all lives matter? as a matter of fact, all lives matter. >> jon: all of you still speak. how? doesn't the woke mob have cable? but this is their identity now, constant victimization. they say what they want, and if you get upset about it, you don't believe in freedom. >> i just believe in freedom. why are liberals so afraid of freedom and freedom of speech?

i don't get outraged. if you don't like what somebody is saying, you can turn off the tv, turn off a radio dial, turn off a podcast, walk out of a commencement. >> jon: or you could buy a different beer than bud light without going into your back swamp and assassinating six-packs? [cheers and applause] you are so unbelievable! they're so full of shit that sean hannity can say with a square head, "i'm not the kind of guy who gets outraged." sean hannity! he is basically just a meat-bag support system for a forehead vein! >> tonight, every american has a right to be angry and ticked off. we have a story that will make your blood boil. now the left is hell-bent on banning dr. seuss. pepe le pew, dumbo, peter pan are on the chopping block.

sanctimonious, self righteous, frankly overpaid, lazy, agenda-driven liars. what a pompous jackass. do you even know what my job is? what part of this can't you get through your thick head? my message tonight to these snowflakes is very simple. you people disgust me. >> jon: but every snowflake is different. we can't all disgust you! look, it is absolutely true that in our modern, social media-driven society, our interactions are incentivized and monetized for outrage. and it is [bleep] exhausting for everyone. but contrary to your conservative book industry, the outrage isn't just coming from the left. it's coming from the left, the right, for the left, for the right

and the swifties and y.a. readers and anybody who dares lift their head up to say [bleep] anything. we are not censored or silenced. we are surrounded by, and inundated with, more speech than has ever existed in the history of communication. and it is all weaponized by professional outrage hunters of all stripes, scouring the globe for graduation speech snippets, offhand comments during promotional tours, out-of-context comedy bits, lame marketing ideas, or any words and phrases they believe they can latch onto to generate monetized clicks. outrage is the engine of our modern media economy. and sometimes, someone loses a job or something else happens like that that should never [bleep] happen. [cheers and applause] i leaned over so far, i may

never get back up again. but contrary to conservatives' victimization complex, there is no organized "cancel culture" conspiracy where even the slightest misstep can 100% get someone on the right canceled. well, actually, there is one. >> congresswoman liz cheney gets kicked out of wyoming's republican party for opposing trump. >> jon: yeah. as irony would have it, it turns out that when it comes to cancel culture, the ones who smelt it dealt it. [applause] there is someone canceling people on the right, but the only one canceling people on the right is donald trump. and anyone who dares speak out against him, refused to buy into trump's stolen election claims, and you'll lose your job like liz cheney or countless others. in fact, everything the right

says cancel culture does to them is actually being done by maga. for example: >> they will shout you down and try to shut you down as opposed to discuss with you. >> jon: yes, the woke mob shouts you down! and what happens when you're a republican and dare criticize the boy king? >> that is a failure of leadership. [boos] and i -- you can boo all you want. [boos] but here's the thing -- >> donald trump is running to stay out of prison. [boos] and if we elect -- [boos] i know, i know, i know -- >> you know me as a person who says what he thinks. [audience buoying] and i don't hide the fact that i wasn't a fan of our last and i'm also no fan -- [boos] >> jon: "show some damn respect, romney, you piece of shit mother[bleep]!

it's called class, like i was telling your mother last night! ah! hickory dickory doorman, your mom was [bleep] a mormon!" [applause] they like the poetry. by the way, what's another thing that the right hate about woke cancel culture? >> many americans feel forced to stay silent for fear of upsetting the cancel culture mob. >> jon: yes, under cancel culture, you can only speak your truths in private while denying them in public. for instance, this poor young fella, who privately wrote of trump: "he is a demonic force, a destroyer. i hate him passionately." he wrote in private. but of course, in public, fearing the cancel mob, he is forced to stand next to his tormentor, with what can only be described as the fakest of over-laugh faces. [high pitch laughs] "grab 'em by the pussy! that's hilarious.

[cry laughing] but that's cancel culture. it won't let you speak your truth. in fact, it makes you do something even worse. >> the left is married to censorship and has nothing else. that's how you get people to believe in an alternate reality. >> jon: yeah, the woke mob is so pernicious, it forces you to deny reality. like, imagine if trump gave a speech about january 6th, where he clearly confuses nikki haley with nancy pelosi. >> nikki haley, you know, do you know they destroyed all of the information, all of the evidence? everything. because of lots of things, like nikki haley is in charge of security, we offered her 10,000 people. >> jon: now in a healthy discourse, you would just go, hey, man, everybody brain-farts sometimes, what ever it is. but under the maga cancel culture mob, people like congresswoman stefanik have to pretend it was all part of the plan. >> that isn't a mix-up. the reality is -- >> nikki haley wasn't speaker. >> nikki haley is relying on democrats, just like

nancy pelosi, to try to have a desperate showing in new hampshire. >> but he was talking about january 6th. >> president trump has not lost a step. he is a stronger candidate, stronger than he is today than he was in 2016 and was in 2020. >> jon: he is reverse aging. he is stronger. he is benjamin button. he will be our wisest baby president. and by the way, denying reality still won't save you. there is no level of loyalty deep enough to be free of trump cancel culture. ronna mcdaniel literally dropped romney from her name to keep trump happy, and he still fired her! and that romney name had gotten her into all the hottest clubs in salt lake city. yeah, the ones with lattes. truth is, trump is the real cancel culture, emphasis on "cult." because on the right, you can say whatever the [bleep] you want about gay people and trans people, from tiktok to patreon.

you can decry dei from podcasts to, i don't know, the governor's office of florida, and chances are, not only will you be fine, you'll get a raise. but if you ever dares speak out one iota against donald trump? be yes afraid! when we come back, we'll discuss the presidential debates with frank fahrenkopf. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[dramatic music] whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. you don't want to do this. oh, i promise you. i do. [metal squeaks] what have you done? don't get mad. i borrowed some adamantium from your claws, and i made us something special. [song: "just the two of us"] [song: "just the two of us"] yeah! (♪♪) you- heineken® silver. all the taste, no bitter endings. see? isn't this better than fighting? nope. [cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight, he is the co-founder and co-chair of the commission on presidential debates. please welcome to the program

frank fahrenkopf! sir! hello, sir! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let me -- first of all, welcome you to the show. >> thank you. >> jon: and explain very quickly, the reason why commission for presidential debates kind of got blown out of the water -- you guys had run the debates since '87. >> we ain't dead yet. >> jon: ain't dead yet. the two candidates, trump and biden, the two main candidates, made their own agreement, and kind of cut you guys out of the process. is that correct? >> well, they are trying to. >> jon: what are we missing? like, so let's say, they don't go with the presidential commission, and they don't go with -- what are we really losing? to be perfectly frank, i don't get much substantive out of these debates anyway. the idea that their answers have to be a minute and a half and there is a buzzer --

>> no, see, that has all been changed. we changed that some time ago. what happens is, the debate is 90 minutes, divided into six 15 minute pods. they each answer a question from a moderator for 2 minutes without interruption and then the moderator can drill down. none of the 2 minutes, one minute, like all the rest, existed a long, long time ago. those are the things we changed. so what they are going to do here, they haven't answered those questions -- >> jon: do you believe that those debates were fruitful? when i think of the debates between trump and hillary or trump and biden or trump and, let's say, a door, i didn't necessarily -- i didn't find much fruitful. >> what we do after each cycle is, we go out and ask the public, did the debates have an effect? were they any good for you in making this decision? about 65-70% say it is not the only and the most significant factor, but yes, it does play a part. and we look at it in two ways, jon.

not only are they answering the questions about issues that are important to the people, they want to hear, but you will learn an awful lot about the personality, the attitude of a person, how they conduct themselves in the debates. for example, i think former president trump really hurt himself in the first debate last time. i think al gore back in 2000, walking across the stage in front of -- so they learn -- >> jon: i think that it's kind of my point, which is, if what we take away from it is al gore sighed and wore rouge, so he shouldn't be president, that strikes me as a methodology that is terribly flawed. >> well, you tie that with the answers to the questions were also. >> jon: but no one remembers those. >> [laughs] >> jon: and isn't -- because i think the point is, you have this sort of system set up for tradition, but the media has changed so drastically, it is so polarized, it is so sensationalized, they are not looking to accomplish

what maybe the commission is even looking to accomplish. is that now at odds? i guess, my worry is, we have this, are we clinging to an institution that nobody is particularly satisfied with, whether they think the moderators are too partisan, whether they think the rules are too archaic, or too steeped in robert's rules of order? and we are not working hard enough to design a system that will help our democracy flourish rather than just become sensationalistic? >> i think that is a criticism that has been there. but we have changed. what we do now wasn't what happened, how we did it back when it started or how it was done before us. it is just dividing, in fact, the 90 minutes into six -- >> jon: not having an audience seems to me a way of dispelling a little bit of the theatrical nature of it. >> you know, both parties, both candidates, said, at our debates, there is roaring, people are booing -- no, those

are the primary debates. we have nothing to do with the primary debates. in our debates, you can go back and look at all 33 of them, very few times do you even hear there is an audience. they may laugh at something funny you said. the ticket says you are not allowed to make noise. if so, the secret service will drag you out. >> jon: sure. >> so they have been pretty good. >> jon: does the secret service really drag people out for making noise? >> yes, yes. >> jon: i don't think you are making the case for democracy you think you are making. >> [laughs] [applause] >> jon: i think you are finding yourself -- [applause] >> jon, we are not perfect. >> jon: understood! i am starting to get that sense. how does the commission regain its footing or is it out of the barn and that is the end of it? >> as i said, we started so that we could provide the middle, down the middle for the public. if these two candidates --

>> jon: you were going to say clowns. i saw it. you started with that and switched. >> if they're successful, if they do this, and it works out, so the people sitting at home or watching on television have learned something, we will salute them. we will salute them. >> jon: okay. >> that doesn't mean we are not ever going to come back. but if they crash, which they may still, because a lot of things have to be figured out, we are going to be there, we are going to be there until we know for sure what happens. >> jon: there to pick up the pieces. one of the situations where you say to the debate people, we will be there when you fall. and -- >> can i write that down and remember it. >> jon: and you will fall. all right. frank fahrenkopf. ladies and gentlemen. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show for tonight! but before we go, we are going to check in with your host for

the rest of the week, mr. michael kosta! michael kosta, everybody! [cheers and applause] what are you doing here, jordan? we're trying to let people know that michael is hosting the rest of the week. >> the rest of the week? that's, like, a million years from now. let me tell you what's happening minutes from now. my special, "jordan klepper fingers the pulse: moscow tools" will be airing right after this. let me tell you, it's hilarious, informative, award-winning probably. [cheers and applause] i mean, i went to estonia and interviewed the prime minister. so enjoy your little "hosting" week. >> okay, well, look, i plan on it. because while you were off jet-setting to the tropical paradise in sunny estonia, some of us -- me -- were pulling all-nighters at the office, preparing for the rest of the week. >> you were pulling all-nighters? >> you think can jon hear me right now? >> maybe? frankly, i don't know how old people's ears work. >> well, then yes. yes. but not to prepare for the show. i stayed up all night mining

crypto. it's cheaper if i use the studio's power supply. >> jon: hey, good job, guys! stay tuned for jordan's special coming up next and "the daily show" the rest of the week with michael kosta. here it is, your "moment of zen." >> when i'm in new york, the amount of people that show support is actually huge. they do it like this. it is a thumbs up like hanging out of their jacket so no one else can possibly see. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> sorry. [suspenseful music] we're in estonia. they're training to fight the russians. do you have any more camo? no? ok. that's cool. we're just-- are you using all these leaves? yeah, ok, sorry.

the crawling helps? the leaves, it looks like you're a moving bush. yeah, yeah, no, i got it. i got it. yeah, yeah. [theme music] [orthodox chanting] jordan (voiceover): america is heading into an election nobody wants, and the world has serious problems that demand serious conversations. however, after years of trump rallies, the only people i know how to talk to about the state of the world are old pals like maga edward. we may already be in the middle of world war iii. it just hasn't gotten real hot yet. we could blame biden, but we all know who's running this country. - who is running this country? - barack obama. this is his third term. do you think the world would be safer with donald trump

returning to the presidency? 100%. i know without a fact it would. without a fact, it would be a safer world. woman: yes! - amen. jordan: but as the maga faithful wait for trump to return us to safety, they found a surprising model for their perfect society. i would like to see america be more like russia. jordan: yes, russia. it's clean. everybody looks healthy. i mean, it looks like they, you know, take care of their people. you see the streets in russia, people are walking around, they all seem to be happy. their country really looks like they've got things together a little bit. putin is a [indistinct] leader who runs his country. he's a respectful person towards his country. what do you like about vladimir putin? the way he's leading his country is all for freedom. i used to watch his videos, fishing, horseback riding back in the day. you would do it just for fun? you'd watch putin horseback riding videos? yeah. who's a better leader, vladimir putin or joe biden? putin. jordan (voiceover): this guy? the one with a terrifying track record? reporter: littering the landscape with violent deaths, mystery illnesses, and dubious suicide.