i'm not grounded? no. i don't know why or how, but it's over. they did it! they figured it out! whoopee! all right, i'm nearing checkpoint alpha. you guys still there? we're here, dude. just a little further, and we can finally end this. okay, i'm back in cartman's room. cartman: all right, stan, just sit down at the computer. all right, dude. take off the headset. so, aside from all the bullcrap, what did you think of the oculus? it's pretty cool... but the graphics suck. fellas, i'm not grounded anymore! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we've got so much to talk about! summer vacation is coming up, nikki haley is giving up, and the supreme court might face consequences. but don't worry, they won't face any consequences. so let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] we start tonight with the fundamental battle of the ages. not the one between good and evil. evil won that immediately. i'm talking about the fight between marijuana and alcohol. alcohol has had the upper hand for decades, but now it appears that marijuana is pulling ahead. >> well, for the first time ever, daily marijuana use is outpacing daily alcohol use. >> this is according to a new national study. millions of people in the u.s. report using marijuana daily or nearly every day, according to the national survey on drug use

and health. those people now outnumber those who say they are daily or near-daily drinkers of alcohol. >> michael: that's right. daily pot smokers are beating daily alcohol drinkers in the race to see who can escape their sad lives more quickly. but in some ways, it makes sense. edibles are just much more efficient than booze. i mean, have you ever tried to get a trick-or-treater drunk? it's almost impossible! of course, the rising popularity of weed is a good reminder to the beer industry that they got lazy. they thought they could just sit back and relax while tommy chong bought every goddamn ad on twitter. congrats, beer companies. you lost to that well known super ambitious, type-a, hardworking, go-getter tommy chong. now, weed and alcohol aside, the larger issue is that maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't be depending on all these substances in the first place.

you know, life is much better when you're sober and can really feel everything authentically. that's an epiphany i had on my weekly ayahuasca voyage. let's move on to the presidential race. you may remember that the end of the republican primary campaign saw a bitter feud between donald trump and nikki haley. she criticized him for his record and conduct, and he mocked her indian birth name, promoted birther conspiracies about her, and implied that her husband deployed to africa just to get away from her. so, high-brow stuff. the attacks got so personal that when nikki haley finally dropped out of the race in march, she made it a point to not endorse donald trump. >> i have always been a conservative republican and always supported the republican nominee. but on this question, as she did on so many others, margaret thatcher provided some

good advice when she said, quote, "never just follow the crowd. always make up your own mind." it is now up to donald trump to earn the votes of those in our party and beyond it who did not support him and i hope he does that. >> michael: wow, go nikki haley, right? a republican standing up to trump, that's pretty rare these days. it's like seeing an eclipse or a movie without timothee chalamet. but basically, nikki haley said, "trump, if you want my endorsement, you gotta earn it." so let's see how trump courted nikki haley's supporters. >> you've talked about trying to unify the party. how do you bring these nikki haley voters, some of whom voted for you in 2020 but say they don't want to now -- >> oh, they'll all vote for me. >> how do you bring them back into the tent? >> they're going to all vote for me again. they're going to all vote for me again, everybody, and i'm not sure we need too many. >> michael: damn, that's cold. trump's like, "yeah, let me reach out to haley supporters...

gotcha!" trump just doesn't care about winning over haley voters. to trump, haley voters are like vegetables: he's gotten this far without them, why worry about them now? but that's trump for you. he doesn't come to you, you come to him. he's not going to grovel for your support. he's not going to work to "unify the party." he's not going to meet you at a coffee shop halfway between his house and your house. you come to the coffee shop near his house. he doesn't care if you met up there the last three times. he's not dealing with that traffic! but you know what that means, donald, if you're going to take nikki haley's voters for granted like that, then good luck getting nikki haley to vote for you. >> breaking news, nikki haley declares she will vote for donald trump, endorsing the former rival she fiercely attacked during her gop presidential bid. >> i will be voting for trump. having said that, i stand by what i said in my suspension speech. trump would be smart to reach out to the millions of people

who voted for me and continued to support me. >> michael: what the hell, nikki? what happened to that margaret thatcher quote about never following the crowd? is there another margaret thatcher quote where she said, "you know what, who gives a shit? just follow the crowd, whatever." [cheers and applause] and it's not the hypocrisy that annoys me here. every loser ends up supporting their party's nominee. but haley made this whole big show about withholding her support, and then she gave it up for nothing. she'd be the worst kidnapper ever. "if you want to see your child , send me $1 million in unmarked bills... actually forget it, i'll drop him off at 5:00." anyway, i'm sure it'll be worth it and trump will reward her for it. enjoy being ambassador to the island where those nuclear bombs get tested, nikki!

[applause] let's move on from politics to a place that's completely above politics: the supreme court. now usually, we expect this esteemed body to sit above partisan pettiness, while it issues rulings that let corporations sell my organs for profit, but last week an unfortunate issue sullied that image. >> justice samuel alito is facing calls to recuse himself. this comes after "the new york times" published a photo outside alito's home of an upside down american flag. it's widely viewed as a symbol of efforts to overturn the last election. >> alito confirming the photo telling "the times," quote, "i had no involvement whatsoever in the flying of the flag. it was briefly placed by mrs. alito in response to a neighbor's use of objectionable and personally insulting language on yard signs." >> michael: yeah, mrs. alito's fault, huh? yeah, i feel you, sammy! my wife's always squabbling with

the neighbors, too. i mean, her squabbles don't usually end with her raising the flag of insurrection against the united states... but maybe your neighbors are just that bad? but hey, sam alito is a supreme court justice. the pinnacle of moral integrity! if he said he had nothing to do with it, then i believe him. and i believe that it's never going to happen again. >> new questions surrounding supreme court justice samuel alito after a second controversial flag was hanging outside one of his homes. "the new york times" reports that "appeal to heaven" flag carried by january 6th rioters was photographed at his new jersey beach house last summer. >> the flag, which features a pine tree and the phrase "appeal to heaven" dates back to the revolutionary war. but today, the flag has become, quote, "a symbol of support for former president donald j. trump for a religious strand of the stop the steal campaign, and for a push to remake american government in christian terms. >> michael: what the hell, man? another flag? did this guy get a two-for-one

deal at the weird flag store? -- the maga flag store? look, i'm not an expert, but i always thought a judge was supposed to be impartial and neutral. and i'm not naive, i know he's not, but can he at least respect us enough to pretend to be? it's not like he's a judge on "american idol." he's a supreme court judge. but he's stunting on us like a soccer player popping his jersey after a goal. "i killed roe v. wade, bitches! i killed roe v. wade, bitches!" [cheers and applause] but if you're upset about this, the good news is, the supreme court has a code of ethics. now, the bad news is, they wrote that code of ethics, and they don't follow it. so i guess there is no good news, and the bad news is even worse. for more on the flag controversy with justice alito, we turn to troy iwata! [cheers and applause] troy!

troy, you're outside justice alito's house at the jersey shore. what's the mood down there? >> it's awful, michael. it's the jersey shore. stop sending me here! it's like if florida wore too much cologne. >> michael: okay, but what can you tell us about the flags at alito's house? they're very provocative! >> well, it's worse than that, michael. these flags are very confusing! i don't know what any of these weird right-wing symbols mean. one is upside down. this one has a clip-art pine tree on it. i don't get the message! the first time i saw that blue lives matter flag, i thought the smurfs finally got citizenship. >> michael: well, right-wing nationalists use this pine tree flag to symbolize how god gave them the divine right to violently overthrow the government. >> then [bleep] say that! write "this is a reference to whatever shit michael just said"

on the flag. because right now, this is just an ugly flag with a christmas cookie on it. >> michael: i think the bigger question is what justice alito thought the flag meant. >> i'm going to stop you there, michael, because he just put up a new flag. oh, okay, so it's a big blue wave? i'm guessing that means alito likes surfing? or maybe they're fans of that japanese wave painting that white people put in their first apartment. i'm going to look it up. okay, so the wave is noah's flood washing away the sodomites, and drowning them in an ocean of tears. >> michael: troy, that's terrible. that's a terrible flag. >> i know. i did not get any of that from the fun wave flag. if you're going to be hateful, stop being so subtle! add a tiny gay person drowning under the wave. or something!

you know what flag works? that "don't tread on me" flag with the angry snake. i get that. i know where not to tread. or the punisher skull? when someone is wearing that on their shirt, i know that they're saying: "i'm divorced." or you can have a flag like saudi arabia. i can't read arabic, but i know what a sword is. like, message received! maybe samuel alito should hire saudi arabia's flag guy? >> michael: okay, troy, hold up, there appears to be a new flag up behind you. >> okay... it's a bible... holding a gun? oh, my god. i love it! see, i get that! straight to the point! i am pissing my pants in fear, but i know why! yes! [cheers and applause]

thank you, justice alito! god, it must be nice to own a home. >> michael: troy iwata, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, i'll give you some tips for summer travel. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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"the daily show." it's memorial day weekend, which means summer is just about here: the time of the year when my armpits begin to resemble that swamp planet where yoda lives, and people set off for fabulous vacations. but if you've got travel plans coming up, it's important to remember a few simple tips, which i'll give you in my brand new advice segment. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] hmm, now that i think about that title... it's perfect. so let's talk about some of the mistakes people make on vacation, and how you can do better. for instance, like these guys. >> tonight, new video of two men damaging ancient rock formations here in the west. >> two men seen damaging ancient rock formations at nevada's lake mead national recreation area outside las vegas. the vandals not once, but twice

knocking massive red stone boulders off a cliff last week at the popular red stone dunes trail. a young girl standing behind them screams out as the rocks come toppling down. >> daddy! ah! >> michael: amazing. the first time these guys work out in their lives, and they do it by pushing over million-year-old boulders. "hey, should we get a bowflex?" "nah, let's just [bleep] up nature." someone should go find these vandals. shouldn't be too hard. just look for the guy whose daughter has a blurry face. there can't be too many of those. so here's just the tip: next time you're in the desert, ask yourself, "would wile e. coyote do this?" then do the opposite. now maybe you're thinking, "this doesn't apply to me. i'm more of a lie on the beach kind of gal." well, guess what, there are plenty of ways you can mess things up, too. like what happened to this lady. >> first up, don't be a fool and never mess with a raging bull. shocking video shows a woman on a mexican beach refusing to get away from the beast and paying a

price. >> lady, please get away. we tried to [bleep] tell you! >> michael: yeah, they tried to [bleep] tell you! did you think "let me speak to the manager" would work on a giant bull? they are the manager! "but that's my tote bag. i have a bag of warm grapes in there!" lady, those are his warm grapes now. just walk away. and then for dinner, you can have carne asada. for revenge. so here's just the tip: next time you go to the beach, pack a matador. now here's a story to remind you that smart traveling begins when you're packing your suitcase. >> there's a plea for leniency this morning in the turks and caicos. another american tourist has been detained after security officials found live ammunition

in their luggage. that's illegal in the caribbean territory and carries a mandatory sentence of 12 years in prison. right now, five americans face those charges. none were carrying firearms and all claim they didn't even know the bullets were there. >> michael: five people and none of them knew they had live ammunition in their suitcases? this is how gun-crazy some americans are. most people going through their luggage find old hotel keys or sand from that beach trip. these guys are like, "oh, good, my spare bullets!" but this one isn't entirely on the tourists. turks and caicos, i get that you're worried about rising gun violence on your island, but i don't think it's coming from americans bringing in bullets two at a time. you know bullets don't do anything without a gun, right? they're not going to run around your island throwing bullets at people. so i think turks and caicos is being a little unreasonable.

and if this were up to me, i'd have those americans back in a second. it just takes one simple phone call. "hey, turks, can you release the prisoners please? no? all right, let me talk to caicos." but as it turns out, someone else is already on the case. >> tonight, several members of congress pleading for leniency for the five americans facing 12 years behind bars in turks and caicos. a bipartisan delegation of lawmakers going to the territory, meeting with government officials, urging light sentences instead. >> michael: wow, nothing motivates bipartisanship like a free trip to turks and caicos. so here's just the tip: if you're going to do something idiotic that gets you arrested, make sure it's on an island paradise your elected officials want to fly to. yes, you'll still be in prison, but at least you can look through the bars at your congressman holding a surfboard saying, "we're doing everything we can! now watch me rip this double-barrel flipside!" when we come back, john legend

will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ i wanna see all my friends at once ♪ ♪ [droids beeping] [loud indistinct chatter] ♪ [message received tone] ♪ ♪ i wanna see all my friends at once ♪ [find my chime] ♪ ♪ i wanna see all my friends at once ♪ ♪ [find my chime] [in unison] - hey! ♪ [thud] ♪ ♪ i wanna see all my friends at once ♪

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>> michael: whoa, here we go. >> what's up! >> michael: egot-winning, multiplatinum. i wasn't expecting to see your name on audio documentary "afghan star." >> yeah, i am a podcast host now! my biggest aspiration finally come to life. >> michael: tell me about this new project. how did you get involved? >> "afghan star" is the name of a competition show, so it's like "american idol" or "the voice" but the revolutionary fact is that it was in afghanistan. and prior to the u.s. invasion, the taliban was in charge, and they had basically outlawed music in the country. >> michael: right. >> so literally, they would have bonfires to burn cds and records and musical instruments, and so there was a whole generation of people that were growing up not having access to the most basic thing that we all love, that is a part of all of our lives, music. >> michael: yeah. >> so when the taliban was

deposed and there was this new freedom that was permeating through the country, one of the producers there who started this network called tolo tv, he decided to start a singing competition show. he had no idea how revolutionary it would be, because not only was it displaying music on television, but it was giving women opportunities that they never had before. >> michael: yeah. >> it was challenging a lot of the societal norms and some of the religious strictures that had been in the country for a long time. it was quite a cultural moment that impacted that the entire country. >> michael: you talk about on the podcast how the taliban used to stop people's cars and if there was a cassette tape in there, they would beat up the driver and then rip up the cassette tape and hang it from a tree as a trophy. >> they would unspool the actual tape from the cassette and hang it up so people would know, you can't have this. >> michael: as an american, i listen to this stuff,

it almost seems fictitious. it never even crossed -- this is how spoiled i am, it never crossed my mind that people could not have music. >> yeah. >> michael: let's talk about the role of women in afghanistan. this was such a groundbreaking cultural change for them. >> one of the most controversial things at the beginning of the show was when a woman was performing on the show, and she started dancing, just a little bit, a little shimmy, and they were very upset about that. and then her hijab starts to sneak back a little bit, you see a little bit of her hair, and these are norms that have been enforced with a gun, with the threat of death. so the fact that people were doing this on national television was quite daring. >> michael: right, yeah. >> and then we had a judge named aryana sayeed, who is a pop star, and she was very well known in afghanistan, and she became a judge, and her life was under threat all the time, because she was a symbol of women's liberation, just by the fact that she was there as a

judge. and she actually mentored a few of the female contestants and one of them finally won after several years of the show being on the air. and it was quite a thing for women to have access to this. one of the things we are doing with our fund-raiser, with the art sale we are doing is making sure we raise money for the noor foundation in afghanistan which makes sure that women have access to education and all the things they need. [cheers and applause] >> michael: how are you feeling this election? i mean, you are politically outspoken. what can people be doing, what should people be doing? >> of course, they should vote. i will be voting for joe biden. i think it is a clear choice. [cheers and applause] you know, it is a clear choice. we talk about things we take for granted, but there is one candidate that isn't too keen on democracy. isn't too keen on us having the right to vote. he literally tried to steal an

election and nullify the votes of the american people and i feel like that is utterly disqualifying and he should not ever be anywhere close to the nuclear codes, the white house, the oval office. [cheers and applause] >> michael: [laughs] >> and i'm doing my best to make sure he doesn't get back there. >> michael: i appreciate you chatting with me. thank you very much. >> thank you! >> michael: john legend, everyone. [cheers and applause] listen to afghan star" on the iheartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts! john legend. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. >> thank you. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] whoa! how'd you get your teeth so white? you gotta use the right toothpaste! dr. c?! ♪♪ not all toothpastes whiten the same. crest 3d white removes 100% more stains

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[cheers and applause] >> michael: that's our show for tonight. but stay tuned: an encore airing of jordan klepper's newest special "moscow tools" is coming up right now. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> we are trying to use international lending organizations to be able to divide that capability so people can grow. that's what it's about. >> whoa! >> [indistinct audience questions] >> this concludes the press conference. thanks, everybody.

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