- wait a minute, where's butters? - wees hasses our preciouses. hasses it... hasses it. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> from the most trusted journalists at comedy central, it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your hosts desi lydic and ronny chieng! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm desi lydic. >> ronny: and i'm ronny chieng buried >> desi: and i'm desi lydic. >> ronny: and i'm ronny chi chieng. >> desi: and i'm ronny chieng! >> ronny: and i'm desi lydic. damn! >> desi: let's get into the headlines. if >> ronny: let's kick things off with some major international news. you know when you are in middle school in your two worst enemies had a sleepover and spent the whole night talking shit about you? that just happened to america. >> tonight, two of america's first just adversaries together on north korean soil. vladimir putin arriving in pyongyang for the first time in nearly a quarter of a century. >> north korea's kim jong un pulling out all the stops in an elaborately choreographed state visit for russian president vladimir putin. the outcast and sanctioned leaders side-by-side reviewing troops, cheered by crowds of children with balloons.

the two unveiled a strategic defense treaty, promising mutual assistance in case either country faces aggression. >> ronny: best friends for forever! russia, north korea, it's the perfect alliance! they go together like vodka and famine. everyone wins. i mean, russia gets north korean weapons and north korea gets... whatever putin has. the nesting dolls and tucker carlson's phone number? i don't know. and now that russia has north korean weapons, watch out, ukraine! get ready for some missiles that blow up on the launching pad! but my favorite part about this visit was getting to watch two dictators hang out together because when putin first landed, they were all formal and polite with each other. look at them, trying to get the other to get into the limo first. no, go. no, no, after you, i insist. it's friendly, but it's also obvious that these guys have blown up a lot of cars.

[laughter] "no, no, you start the ignition. no, you do it. okay, fine, we will both turn it at the same time." but over the next couple of days the two had a lot of fun together. kim picked him up and they took a drive, just two communists in cars getting coffee. they drove through a botanic garden. they looked like they adopted a couple of dogs together. and clearly putin had a great time because when he left he looked really sad. he hugged him goodbye and then he stood there waving way too long. and then he went inside the plane and waved from the window! [laughter] can you at least act like you have another friend? you look like you are waving to your mom on the bus to sleep away camp. >> desi: also, based on have been a pretty high maintenance guest. just look at him.

bye! come back soon! god! i thought he would never leave! next time, he stays at the radisson. let's move onto climate change. if you couldn't tell from all the sweat on your ass cheeks today, the earth is still getting hotter, so climate activists have taken their protest to the next obvious place: a pile of rocks. >> a pair of climate protesters have been arrested after spray-painted the historic stonehenge monument in southern england. video of the incident shows two people running towards the stone circle while spring orange. trying to stop them, then a fourth, the climate activist group "just stop oil" has taken responsibility for the incident. >> desi: guys, i appreciate the cause but what did stonehenge ever do? i mean literally, what did stonehenge do? i get the stone part but what the [bleep] is a henge? i don't think this helps the

cause. all they did is make it look like stonehenge went to town on some doritos. these stunts don't work, i promise you. exxon saw this and thought "that's a good point, i wonder if there is oil under stonehenge." >> ronny: i don't think painting stonehenge orange is going to do anything, guys. last year the sky in new york turned orange had we still didn't care! everybody was like "that's weird, let's turn up the air conditioning." >> desi: i'll tell you what they should be going after. billionaires and their private jets. >> two more members of the organization "just stop oil" have been placed under arrest for spray painting private jets and taylor swift might have a target. >> desi: no! >> ronny: not taylor! >> desi: she is our queen! >> ronny: take another billionaire! >> "just stop oil" said that the airfield was where taylor swift's jet was parked but essex police in the united kingdom said the pop star's aircraft was not at the airport. >> ronny: thank god, taylor

doesn't have to fly commercial! but guys, spray paint is not going to ground these planes. you've got to do something radical like cut some wires or install some boeing parts. [laughter and applause] >> desi: and finally, some major education news from louisiana, where schoolchildren are getting a lesson from the greatest textbook ever. >> knew this morning, the governor of louisiana signed a law requiring the ten commandments be posted in all public school classrooms, the only state now with such a law. >> it mandates poster size displays of the ten commandments in large, easily readable font. this is in all public classrooms. this is in kindergarten up until state-funded universities. >> desi: "easily readable font?" i hate to break it to you, but louisiana ranks 38th in reading. i don't think the font is going to help. i can make that joke because i'm from kentucky.

we are ranked 32nd! suck it, louisiana! we read gooder. [laughter and applause] for more on louisiana's new ten commandments law and what it means for the separation of church and state, we go live to louisiana with michael kosta. [cheers and applause] michael, how can republicans justify religion in public schools? >> the ten commandments aren't religion, all right? just because they are in the bible doesn't mean they are religious, okay? the ten commandments are universal moral principles that these louisiana republicans want everybody to live by. just like the party does. >> desi: so they live up to these same moral standards? >> of course, it's not that hard. like "thou shalt not kill." pretty cut and dry, don't kill anybody. unless you are standing your ground, you've got to protect yourself. or if a protester is blocking

traffic. i've got places i've got to -- you know what, let's forget about this one, it's complicated. [laughter and applause] but look, the rest of these are clear-cut. >> desi: sure, like "thou shalt not commit adultery." >> yes. well, obviously not if it's a porn star and your wife is pregnant. god is gonna give you that one. but if you're going to nitpick, let's cross out "commit adultery." and if you are going to commit adultery you also have to lie about it so you can't do "false witness" either. ronny, that's just bible talk for lying to your wife. but the rest of these are rock-solid, all right? and that's what he put them on a rock! like number five, "honor thy father and mother," you can't get more moral than that. >> ronny: like giving parents maternity leave and universal child care? >> no, not honoring them like that. honoring them like texting them

at 11:55 on father's day. you know what, let's just cross off number five. while we are at it, i don't even know what "graven image" means. don't say the lord's name in vain? that's just cancel culture. here we go! here we go! remember the sabbath day and keep it holy! we should all take sundays off! there we go! order some grubhub, watch the nfl. >> desi: but delivery drivers can't work on sundays either, right? >> ronny: and i guess no football because you can't play games on sunday. >> let's just cut all the chaff out of here. none of these needs -- there we go. there it is, perfect. >> ronny: yeah, but all you have left is the "thou." >> exactly. this was a nation founded on individual determination, putting thou-self first is the american way. [laughter and applause]

>> desi: do kids even know what thou means? >> well, we are going to teach them and if there's one thing republicans support, it's teaching kids new pronouns -- oh, shit, wait a second. can't do that. >> desi: michael kosta everybody! they will figure it out. when we come back, jordan klepper checks out the latest trump rally. don't go away. [cheers and applause] [indistinct chatter] professor: first class of the day. ♪ [brooding dramatic music] ♪ and no charger? you're playing a dangerous game... ♪ [chair squeaks] but i guess battery death is just a part of battery life.

you get used to it, grow numb to it... student: it's a mac - the battery lasts all day. [laptop shuts] see ya next week. [chair squeaks] i hate these chairs. [door shuts] summertime back then looked a little different. ♪ higher love ♪ by: whitney houston but while summer may change, it always tastes great. so reach for your favorite chips and sips and taste more summer.

[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show"! donald trump is fresh off his felony convictions and back on the campaign trail, and that means jordan klepper is out there with him too in another edition of jordan klepper fingers the pulse. ♪ ♪ >> donald trump has a big month ahead. a debate, and immunity rolling, sentencing, and a convention in a horrible city of milwaukee. his words, not mine. so i went to my first rally since he became a convicted felon in the good old battleground state of wisconsin and as usual, -- >> make america great again! i need to make some money! >> you've got a truck you want to show me? i wish the world a better place because i was here,

president trump. you don't worry about that whole worshiping false idols thing? >> not all. >> what you think about the upcoming debate? >> people say biden won't show up. geico do you think trump is going to show up? >> absolutely. i think he's going to show up. >> he's not afraid to debate anybody buried >> no, no. >> except for nikki haley. of course there is one thing still on everyone's mind. trumps recent felony conviction for falsifying business records. people are talking about what happened with donald trump's conviction recently. >> [bleep] that! it's all bull-shit. all 34 of them, get rid of it. >> why is it a [bleep] mess? >> because he didn't do anything wrong! who is he cheating? >> other than his wife. >> i'm not getting into that. >> it's not there. >> scam.

it only takes one crime to send you to jail or prison. >> isn't that the truth! america, the land where you commit a crime and go to prison. >> this is absolute stalinist. >> do you have faith in the department of justice? >> no. >> the hunter biden trial, he was found guilty. what you think of that? >> well, the evidence was overwhelming. >> you put it through the justice system and he's found guilty and we should accept that. >> yes. >> i thought the justice system was, we shouldn't trust. >> it wasn't taking place in a community that voted -- >> but the judge was a trump-appointed judge. >> was it? equally out. what you think about the whole hunter biden situation? he was found guilty. >> they are not going to do anything. so he can sit around, dump a pistol in the garbage and smoke crack? >> he was convicted. is that the justice system working? >> i don't know.

justice system won't work until that [bleep] is put away. >> which? >> trump. >> part of the justice system do we totally implicitly trust and which one is a total sham? it's hard to keep them straight. >> but this conviction dole out justice or just create a martyr? >> there's a classic cartoon that shows other convicted felons. there is gandhi, nelson mandela, and then there's trump. >> you put trump in line with gandhi and nelson mandela? >> yeah. >> which was the one that had sex with a porn star and then paid her? >> none of the above. >> one of them. and one of them recently made bank off his brush with the law. spoiler alert, it wasn't gandhi. >> so the conviction helped donald trump? >> everyone is pouring in money to support him. i know i've done that a couple

of times. >> he goes to trial for sexual assault, what you given? >> probably a thousand dollars. >> okay, classified documents, how much are you giving? >> another thousand. >> a thousand across board. overthrow democracy, is that two grand? >> that's probably five grand. we don't need to be shelling out money to immigrants who don't deserve it. >> you are sick and tired of your money going to people who committed crimes. >> that's right. >> what about the sexual assault case, did you give for that? >> this is all just so old news. you know? it doesn't affect me. >> it's old news. sexual assault, shmexual assault, let's move on. >> [laughs] >> that's a laugh! [laughs] >> what is slightly less hilarious is trump's second term plan which sounds a lot like going after everyone who went

after him. >> based on what they've done, i would have every right to go after them. i am your retribution buried >> donald trump is put into office, should he go after his political opponents? >> definitely. rock their world. [bleep] them up like he [bleep] there is up. >> should donald trump show any mercy to political opponents? >> i don't think so. he should go after them. >> how important is vengeance to you when trump gets into office? >> it's probably third on the list. >> so i'm guessing that's between martial law and fixing toilet pressure. but there's a simple reason it is so easy for them to give him a pass. >> but i love trump. it's like if you have a child and they pull some shenanigans. you don't like what they do. love the person but don't necessarily like what they do. >> the child analogy is kind of perfect. but to be clear, we want him to

be -- >> i want him to be president. [laughs] yes. >> at least someone is having a good time. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thank you, jordan. when we come back, ebon moss-bachrach will be joining me on the show, so don't go away! [cheers and applause]

my life is full of questions... mom, is yellow a light or a dark? how do i clean an aioli stain? thankfully, tide's the answer to almost all of them. why do we even buy napkins? —use tide. —can cold water clean white socks? it can with tide. do i need to pretreat guacamole? not with tide. this is chocolate, right? —just use... —tide... yeah. no matter who's doing it, on what cycle, or in what temperature, tide works. so i can focus on all the other questions. —do crabs have eyebrows? —ahh... for all of life's laundry questions... it's got to be tide.

norman, bad news... for i never graduatedndry from med school. what? -but the good news is... xfinity mobile just got even better! now, you can automatically connect to wifi speeds up to a gig on the go. plus, buy one unlimited line and get one free for a year. i gotta get this deal... i know... faster wifi and savings? ...i don't want to miss that. that's amazing doc. mobile savings are calling. visit xfinitymobile.com to learn more. doc? twix is too good. cookie inside a candy bar... it's like a cookie in disguise... imagine one of our gang was in disguise!!!

i'd snap 'em!! (bikers laugh menacingly) there's more to a twix. why would i use kayak to compare hundreds of travel (bikesites at once?ingly) i like to do things myself. i can't trust anything else to do the job right. kayak... aaaaaaaahhhh kayak. search one and done. there's nothing better than a game and great tasting miller lite. it's less filling, miller lite. tastes great. i never understood this argument. let it be both. miller and miller. i like it. norman, bad news... i never graduated from med school. what? -but the good news is... xfinity mobile just got even better! now, you can automatically connect to wifi speeds up to a gig on the go. plus, buy one unlimited line and get one free for a year. i gotta get this deal... i know... faster wifi and savings?

...i don't want to miss that. that's amazing doc. mobile savings are calling. visit xfinitymobile.com to learn more. finding the right home for us was tough, but our agent joe just got our needs. - hey joe! - hey! he even clued us in on a local secret, a well hidden dog p-a-r-k. ♪ i wanna rock n' roll all night ♪ ♪ and party everyday ♪ ♪ i wanna rock n' roll ♪ applebee's late night because half off is just more fun. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show"! our guest tonight is an emmy award-winning actor you know as cousin richie on "the bear." >> all right, look alive, team.

almost there, just another seven courses. i know you guys have probably waited a very long time to be here. thank you. but i couldn't live with myself if i let this beautiful family leave chicago without sampling one of my personal favorite dishes, deep dish. >> you did not hear me say that! >> mangia, baby. >> ronny: please welcome ebon moss-bachrach! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> desi: soak it up, baby! they love you! >> very nice, you guys are very, very nice. wow. >> ronny: must be nice. must be nice to be --

>> desi: an emmy winner! >> ronny: on the best show in america. [cheers and applause] >> desi: congrats on your huge enemy win. we were sitting down the way from you. and we looked over and we said to each other, we were like oh, my god, "the bear" is right there. these are really good seats. >> yeah, we were kind of peppered throughout the top chef team too. there were a lot of top shelf folks. >> ronny: at the emmys? all i remember is you ignoring me. >> desi: very upset about this. >> i have no memory. >> ronny: like hey, man, loved you on "the bear." >> desi: don't feel bad, this is the usual reaction that he gets. so it's okay. >> like a profoundly forgettable face, yeah, yeah. >> desi: totally forgettable. we are such huge fans of the

show and huge fans of your character. the clip that we saw was from your episode "forks" last season, which cousin richie goes on this like epic journey just in the course of this one episode. you have such a beautiful arc. does cousin richie get to continue down that path of evolution in the next season? what are you allowed to say? two i can say whatever that -- can say whatever i want to say. whatever i feel like saying. exactly. [laughter] you know, i don't know what your personal evolution is like. i think for richie, you know, he's become aware that there's a path for him to find purpose and sort of live a maybe fuller life, a richer life but just because he's aware, doesn't mean that he's cruising up to the top. i think it's a struggle, forward, back, you know, when you've yelled for 46 years, you

know, i think it's hard to maybe put the outdoor voice totally -- to retire it totally. >> desi: is that kind of liberating for you to play a character like that? do you ever just want to mouth off in real life you met >> i think of myself as a fairly socialized, polite person. i live in new york, many millions of other people and you kind of have to, you know, fall in line and if you sort of say what you feel every second of every day -- >> desi: did you hear that, ronny? [laughter] it's great advice. >> it is nice, it is nice to walk in the shoes of this man who is like fully expressed to a fault most of the time. it's nice. yeah, i blow off some steam. >> ronny: at the moment i feel like america can't agree on anything other than "the bear" is good. everyone is always like oh, yeah, "the bear." great show.

[applause] as an actor, when the script comes in, when you read that script, didn't pop on the page or were you just like i need some money? >> like a combination. no, it was like one of those rare scripts were like i read it and within a few pages, especially with this character, he just felt so vital and alive. like a lot of the time i find myself having to create a character a lot, like the script is kind of open-ended and you sort of have to figure things out and build and create a lot and this one he just felt really fully formed and i just had a strong connection. i also felt like i knew people like this. i run into folks like this and spend some time and love dearly like some richie kind of characters. >> desi: we have a very important question for you and i hate to get political, but deep dish or new york pizza? careful now... >> i've met a lot of chicagoans that would say that deep dish is trash. they've got a tavern style thing

over there, which is thinner, which i like. there's also detroit style. as a lot of the detroit style. i kind of have -- i like that one. i've had some good deep dish. >> desi: a very politically safe. >> that was nothing, some flip-flop bull-shit. >> chicago. >> chicago a serious. >> desi: you are about to start a marvel movie. >> yep, fantastic four. >> desi: kind of training do you get to do? >> yeah, i'm playing ben grimm, who becomes the thing, a man encased in rock. so yeah, i've just been looking at rocks. you know. >> desi: like the stonehenge bit. >> exactly, exactly! and you spray paint him orange, my guys kind of orange. i should maybe take a trip out there. what am i doing?

i don't know, of been reading a lot of comics, that's been nice. they gave me like this kind of marvel unlimited thing so i can just go on my ipad and go to any comic book that marvel has ever released. >> desi: that's cool! suite! >> yeah. yeah. >> ronny: as someone who was in "shang-chi" for five seconds, i want to welcome you to the marvel universe. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> desi: thank you for being here, season three of "the bear" drops on hulu on june 27th. ebon moss-bachrach! we are going to take a quick break, we will be right back after this! [cheers and applause]

-electric for short trips... -hmmm? ...gas for long. hmmm? quite the paradox... -it really is both. -hmmm. the lexus rx plug-in hybrid. ♪

(sigh) i need better credit card rewards. try my travel points calculus... no thanks. this is better...75k bonus miles and lounge access? love it. everything you need to outsmart the system. intuit credit karma. ( ♪♪ ) woman: skating is my life and falling is a part of skating. there's a story behind every mark. movement leaves marks. your antiperspirant shouldn't. degree ultraclear. nonstop protection against white marks. so, i didn't think i needed swiffer. until... i saw how easily it picked up my hair every time i dried it. it only takes a minute. look at that! the heavy duty cloths are extra thick for amazing trap and lock. even for his hair. wow!

and for dust i love my heavy duty duster. the fluffy fibers trap dust on contact up high and all around without having to lift a thing. i'm so hooked! you'll love swiffer or your money back! [cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight but before we go, tomorrow, june 21st, we are teaming up with headcount and animal haven to register voters and get dogs adopted. join us at indogcision 2024: rescuing democracy from 2-6:00 p.m. at 200 centre street in new york city. >> ronny: unlike politics, there will only be good boys and girls there. here it is, your moment of zen. >> what you say to the parents and students or even teachers who don't share your religious

views? >> ... don't look at it. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ ♪ timmy, timmy, leh-bah-la timmy ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

(♪♪) basketball's a very physical sport. i get a lot of marks throughout the season. it's a sign of hard work. you've got to push yourself to the limit. having marks on your body is not a sign of failure, it's a step towards improvement. movement leaves marks. your antiperspirant shouldn't. degree ultraclear. nonstop protection against white marks. welcome to the credit karmaverse. here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small, so you can enjoy less stress and more piece of mind. simply scan your screen to experience intuit credit karma for yourself.