[all gasping] - what? they're all dead? that means-- - that we can go back to being the south park cows! [all cheering] - now your vote didn't matter. - ♪ let's get out and vote ♪ ♪ let's make our voices heard ♪ ♪ we've been given the right to choose ♪ ♪ between a douche and a turd ♪ ♪ it's democracy in action ♪ ♪ put your freedom to the test ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... and actually live special report!

"the daily show" presents "indecision 2024": the first presidential debate. america watches through its fingers. with your host, jon stewart! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is jon stewart. thank you so much for joining us. we are coming to you live! [cheers and applause] you may sit. we just watched -- what we watched -- we just witnessed a debate between president joseph robinette biden versus former president donald robinette trump.

it was a highly anticipated affair, according to the network that was running it. >> the first biden-trump debate, a little over one month away right here on cnn. >> we are less than two weeks away from the first presidential debate. >> just one week from today. >> welcome to the first workday of the most important week of the presidential campaign. >> three days and counting. >> just two days now. >> about 30 hours, 30-ish hours. >> just over 24 hours. >> twelve and a half hours >> say the words! >> it's debate day in america! >> jon: the candidates must have been so excited to know they haven't missed it! i imagine old man biden opening his window and shouting at the street below, "you there, boy! what day is today?" "why, it's debate day, sir!" "then there's still time! prepare the debate goose!" prior to the event, what did the political class believe was the

criteria for each candidate to be successful? first, donald trump. >> trump has to show that he's not going to end democracy. >> don't respond in a way that the suburban mothers wouldn't like. >> don't interrupt joe biden. >> don't take the bait. >> don't look like a bully. >> don't get angry. >> portray normalness. >> jon: "can't you just pretend to be normal for 90 minutes?" how is this advice for a presidential debate and not what you would say to your parents when you bring a date home for the first time? "can you not talk about january 6 and please don't do your asian voice? i really like this girl!" but that's trump. surely, the expectations on the president biden will be higher. >> he absolutely cannot have a senior moment. >> a physical or verbal stumble. him forgetting something. >> any of his kind of freezing moments. >> stay alert, to stay engaged, and to stay awake.

>> president biden has to show that he can stand there for an extended period of time. >> remain upright. [laughter] >> jon: remain upright? to be president? i may be mistaken, but i believe those are the same qualifications needed to be scarecrow! "tonight, the president must show the country that he can keep our corn safe." but then, it was time for the actual debate. and let's see how it began: both men came out and yes, okay, then of course -- both men are

ambulatory. they are both upright. level one cleared. this is an important discussion between two important men. what are the rules? >> we want to share the rules of the debate with the audience at home. each candidate will have two minutes to answer a question, and one minute each for responses and rebuttals. >> jon: what can you do in two minutes? i can't even articulate what's wrong with your entire set up to this debate! an ad-break to watch a hulu show is three minutes! what can you do in 2 minutes? but okay, that's going to winnow out what may be interesting substance. but let's begin! we know the bar that's been set up for each to pass. biden has to not look old and not have a senior moment. go. >> making sure that we're able to make every single solitary person eligible for what i've been able to deal with. with the covid, excuse me, with dealing with everything we have

to do with -- look, if we finally beat medicare -- >> thank you, president biden. >> jon: i need to call a real estate agent in new zealand. okay, high pressure situation. a lot of times you confuse saving medicare with... beating it. i'm sure it's not something that repeated throughout the debate, causing democrats across the country to either jump out of windows or vomit silently into the nearest recycling bin. anybody can [bleep] up talking! how did biden do not talking? >> how close the police are to him. almost every police group in the nation from every state and

everybody wanted to get it back to the states, everybody. and china, nothing and russia nothing, and india nothing. i will have that reporter out. he should have had him out a long time ago. because i didn't have legislation. i said close the border. we had the safest border in history. >> jon: not great. but a lot of people have resting 25th amendment face. [laughter] i'm not a political expert, but while biden was preparing at camp david for a week, did anyone mention he would also be on camera?

on the split screen? is there any moment here that can save biden? >> this is the first presidential election since the supreme court overturned roe v. wade. >> jon: oh, shit! we're back, baby! abortion! aid to the b to the o to the -- the repeal of roe v. wade, that's trump's weakest issue! >> it's been a great thing. >> jon: oh, he is [bleep]! he is [bleep]! "it's a great thing!" hit 'em, joey! >> it's been a terrible thing, what you've done. >> jon: it's a terrible -- this is awesome! we are done here. tko. no, no, joe don't say anything! joey! >> the idea that states are able to do this is a little like saying, we're going to turn civil rights back to the states, let each state have a different rule. look, there are so many young women who have been, including a

young woman who just was murdered and he went to the funeral. and the idea that she was murdered by an immigrant coming in, they talk about that. >> jon: did you just immigration abortion? "i know abortion is one of our strongest issues, but let me, for a moment, talk about immigrants killing and rating rating people. it's one of our weakest. folks, i think sportsmanship would insist that an opponent not seize on the opportunity such as this. >> there have been many young women murdered by the same people he allows to come across our border. >> jon: "so how do we do this,

white house tonight? we done with this shit? dubai ups his stuff? that was [bleep] crazy what he did. so biden, perhaps not on top of his game. maybe i will check out this young upstart donald trump. obviously we have a binary choice, so let me see what this trump fella is about. as we learned earlier, he just had to come in there and not be an asshole. >> he doesn't care about our veterans. he doesn't care. it is unlike the military at all. probably the worst administration in the history. the worst presidency in the history of our country. this shouldn't be a debate. he is the worst president. i really don't know what he said at the end of the sentence. he challenges me to a golf match. he can't even hit the ball 50 yards. >> jon: does not appear to have passed the asshole test. see me after debate. all right, trump. what do you got on substance?

>> we have the greatest economy in the history of our country. a lot of credit for the military, no wars, and so many other things. everything was rocking good. but the thing we never got the credit for and we should have is getting out of the covid mess. he allowed millions of people to come in here from prisons, jails, and mental institutions. the only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants. we had the lowest taxes ever. i didn't have sex with a porn star. [cheers and applause] >> jon: she was a porn character actor at best! i'm not saying she couldn't open a movie but." just so we are all clear, everything that donald trump said in that clip is a lie. blatant and full, and we were

tight on time putting this all [bleep] together. there is plenty more. it really makes you wonder, what is rfk jr. doing tonight? maybe he's got something -- what is that? i'm sorry. oh, vaccines? no, i see. that's -- i am sure, there are side effects to all of them, okay. and a worm where? okay, fair enough. vice president running mate donated how much? anyway. there was, of course, a moment where i kind of thought we were getting substantial. >> i was recently in france for d-day and i spoke to all all about the heroes that died. i went to the world war ii -- world war i ceremony he refused to go to. he was standing with the four-star general and he said i don't want to go in there because they are a bunch of losers and suckers. my son was not a loser. you are the sucker.

you are the loser. [cheers and applause] >> jon: shit just got real. >> i thought it was a made-up quote. >> jon: a made-up quote, which i think in trump land means that is a real quote. but this is about our nation 'and veterans, foreign policy. this is important to biden. come on, brother. >> four-star general standing by your side was on your staff who said you said it, period. we have done more for veterans than any president has done in american history. the only sacred obligation we have is a country is to care for our veterans when they come home and their families and equip them when they go to war. that is what we are doing. that is what the v.a. is doing now. we are doing more for veterans in every president in history. >> thank you so much. >> let's move to the topic of foreign policy. >> jon: move on? no! no! don't move on! who came up with these rules and

why would any of these people agree to them? the one thing that we did prove tonight is that the maga conspiracy theory about biden's upcoming debate performance was nonsense. >> a little before debate time, he gets a shot in the ass. >> they are giving the president some sort of a stimulant, a.d.d. drug, adderall, ritalin. >> new drugs that are out there are specifically for alzheimer's or parkinson's. >> a lot of caffeine pills. >> debate viagra. >> certainly, there are drugs that can be used to energize a person in that state. >> jon: "i apologize... for how fast i am talking now. i am on those drugs...

let me just say, after watching tonight's debate, both of these men should be using performance-enhancing drugs. [cheers and applause] both. as much of it as they can get, as many times a day as their bodies will allow. if performance-enhancing drugs will improve their lucidity, their ability to solve problems, and in one of the candidates cases, improve their truthfulness, morality, and malignant narcissism, then depository away! guess what, everybody! they should be taking whatever magical drug can kick their brains into gear because this ain't olympic swimming. you know what i'm saying? oh, "he is off the middle east but he was doping so it doesn't

count." there is going to be an asterisk next to his presidency." and by the way, if those drugs don't exist, if there aren't actually performance-enhancing drugs for these candidates, i could sure [bleep] use some recreational ones right now! because this cannot be real life! it just can't! [bleep]! we are america! god! [cheers and applause] when we come back, lori gottlieb will be joining us. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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what happened to your dreams of becoming a famous villain? isn't this better i did manage to steal the moon. you mean that moon? [ laughing ] gru, i will exterminate you! regular unleaded. wow, it is expensive. no? ok. insert card and remove rapidly. [ beeping ] card not read? did you pull it out rapidly? very rapidly. [ groaning ] [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to "the daily show."

now now. my guest tonight, an incredibly prescient booking by our talented people, is a psychotherapist. hmm, fancy that. bestselling author of "maybe you should talk to someone," and "dear therapist" columnist for "the atlantic." please welcome to the program lori gottlieb! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ please, have a seat. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ doctor, you are probably wondering why i have called you here tonight. >> yes, my therapist clearly turned off his phone. [laughs] >> jon: i am sure. are you expecting as a therapist on occasions like this, they always say, the super bowl, people get so angry and they are rooting for their teams and there is a huge uptick in arguments and violence in all kinds of other things.

do you expect something similar for an event like this? >> well, i think that a lot of people are going to be having arguments. i don't know that it's going to be domestic violence. but i think there is definitely going to be a lot of arguments happening with friends, family, workplaces, all of it. >> jon: and you think because this is a time when the country is really focused on this and there is really no way to escape it, and so whatever schisms are there are going to be exacerbated? >> i think they are. also because we are so polarized. i think people don't know how to have conversations about the issues. it doesn't even become about the issues anymore as we just saw. >> jon: we were as i load, is of the nation keeping us from having to have those conversations? because he you don't really run into those people that you disagree with too much except on thanksgiving? >> [laughs] >> i think you run into them on social media. and i think that is where a lot of this is happening and then people get very upset by what they are seeing on social media.

i can understand when we look at the rates of anxiety and depression. we say in therapy, before diagnosing someone with depression, make sure they aren't surrounded by assholes. [laughs] are not going to name who those assholes are. >> jon: is that really a thing? >> it is a thing. >> jon: wow. >> i understand. >> jon: look at who drove you hear. >> look at who sent you here. because often the people who come to therapy are the people who are coming to therapy because the people who should be in therapy are not coming to therapy. >> jon: that just blew my mind. >> [laughs] >> jon: so this is -- people are coming because they feel they don't have an outlet for their frustrations and the only outlet they might have become a social media, is toxic. >> welcome i think what you see on social media is a lot of this sort of name-calling and again, there is not a lot of new ones, not a lot of complexity. it is a lot of people -- it was like that golf exchange on the debate. [laughs] those kinds of things where people are talking about

completely irrelevant things or they are just uninformed. i think that people -- >> jon: uninformed and irrelevant, a presidential debate. >> [laughs] >> jon: how do you deal with -- there is an existential fear to this. i mean, for social media to keep people engaged, for news organizations to keep people watching, they have to ramp up the urgency and the existential nature of the crisis. so you are sort of torn between these two impulses. one is to not participate, which would be advocating civic responsibility, but the other would be to bathe yourself in this existential crisis. what choice do you have? >> we do have a choice. look at anxiety. there is productive anxiety and unproductive anxiety. >> jon: what? >> well, think about it. if you didn't have anxiety, you wouldn't be able to be safe.

that is why we have anxiety. there is a bear, you better have anxiety. unproductive anxiety as i'm just going to stand here. productive anxiety is, i'm going to do something about this. >> jon: see, that is so we are because my anxiety has never saved me from bears but it often convinces me i am not lovable. >> [laughs] >> jon: so how -- i shared too much. [applause] >> i was just going to say -- >> jon: how do you separate this? i didn't want to watch the debate tonight but i do work once a week now so i have to because it is toxic to me. i know that. i have to participate. but how does that anxiety of watching it, how is that a relic of something that is good for me? >> it is good for you because then you can take action. by the way, i hope you are taking action on the unlovable thing. i hope you are getting action with them. >> jon: thanks for mushrooms, baby. micro does away. sorry. >> it is helpful because you say

there are two ways you can respond to this. you can say, i'm going to put my head in the sand and not engage, which is, i hope not the option that people here are taking. and you can also say, i am just spinning in anxiety, i am doomed scrolling, getting all worked up. >> jon: yes. >> that is not helpful. that is unproductive anxiety. then there is productive anxiety where you say, what can you do? you can get involved in a campaign, you can volunteer, you can please vote. you can get the people around you to vote. there are things you can do. the thing you want to do is you want to say, what can i control here? and that is where you take your anxiety and you say it is going to motivate me to do something productive. >> jon: does sitting in your underwear screaming at the tv account has action? >> [laughs] no. >> jon: doc, you are losing me here. have you seen an effect of this on relationships? all marriages come on families?

is this separating people at a much deeper, more emotional level than what we are understanding? >> yes, absolutely. you know, when i see couples in therapy, often with a command, that person -- you say, what is going on? and the person wants something to change. what they want to change as the other person, the person sitting there. >> jon: sure. >> they don't think i want to change myself or have a role in this. i see that and what happens around these political conversations is that people don't say, oh, maybe i am not being curious about why they think what they think or i'm not really getting to the bottom of it and i am just -- we're just yelling at each other. >> jon: are you seeing this in couples, and married couples, where politics has driven a wedge to them that they can't overcome? >> absolutely. >> jon: how do you traverse a political conversation with a couple? >> there is this great phrase in therapy saying, "i wonder." it starts with "i wonder." >> jon: i got it. >> it is kind of like, "i wonder

if instead of taking another drink, maybe you should take a walk when you're feeling sad." >> jon: unfortunately, it is a live show, we are out of time. i use that all the time. i wonder why you are such an asshole. >> [laughs] >> jon: check out lori's book, "maybe you should talk to someone," her column in "the atlantic," and her "dear therapists" podcast. "d life's daily battles are not meant to be fought alone.

- we're not powerless. so long as we don't lose sight of what's important. don't be afraid to seize that moment to talk to your friends. - cloud, you okay? because checking in on a friend can create a safe space. - the first step on our new journey. you coming? reach out to a friend about their mental health. seize the awkward. it's totally worth it. when we're young, we're told anything is possible... ...but only a few of us go out and prove it. witness the greatness of anna hall on a connection worthy of gold: xfinity mobile. only xfinity gives you the most powerful mobile wifi network, with speeds up to a gig in millions of locations.

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[cheers and applause] >> jon: hey, everybody, that is our show for tonight. here it is, your "moment of zen." >> joins us now from inside the debate hall. john, how is it working, what is it like? >> well, 24 hours from now, in a few minutes, anderson, you will have a president and a former president standing on the same stage. pretty close to each other. these lecterns are just 8 feet apart. i can basically touch them at the same ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪

♪ loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo, loo ♪ ♪ loo, loo, loo, loo, loo hey, douche bag. are you doing anything cool? hey, eric. i'm just looking at a video of bird eggs that i took. oh, god damn it. nobody's doing anything cool. i'm so bored. everything is so stupid. i don't know. this bird nest is pretty neat-o. no, it isn't. my dad and i shot is yesterday at the lake. that's stupid. you can see the mama bird fly in. i'm dying of boredom. we took all kinds of videos with this drone. what did you say?!

you know, those drone thingies. you can make it fly anywhere and shoot video and stuff. your dad has a [bleep] drone?! whoa! it can fly like a quarter mile away from whoever's controlling it. and it can take video the entire time right to your phone. [ gasps ] don't touch the propellers. you want to take it out for a spin? are you crazy? this is my dad's drone. do you have any idea how much fun we could have with this thing? we could spy on everyone. my dad says it's not for spying on people. butters, that's all drones are for. if we use it for a couple minutes tonight, your dad will never know. oh, he'll know. you can hear it take off. okay. good idea. we'll take it over to my house. come over after dark, and don't tell anyone. no, eric. i don't want to -- mr. stotch: butters! oh, shit, it's your dad. go, go, go! i'll see you later at my house. butters, are you home? coming, dad! [ crickets chirping ] [ knock on door ] butters, is that you? yeah, it's me. nobody followed you, right? you didn't tell anybody? of course not. all right. come in. kenny's here. i told him all about it. what?! you said nobody would know! it's just kenny.

like we'renotgonna tell kenny we have a [bleep] drone. come on, butters. all right. come on, guys. i think i have this thing figured out. [ whirring ] dude, no way! this thing is so epic. [ dog barks ] be careful of the power lines! dude, look! there's everyone's backyards! dude, there's craig's house. that's craig's house. mrph rmhmhm rm! okay, uh, maybe that's enough. oh, dude. look -- there's craig. [ chuckles ] craig's mom is taking off her clothes. mrph rmhmhm rm! let me see! check it out, you guys. she's taking off -- oh, my god. we've got full bush. mrph rmhmhm rm! geez! this thing is recording, right? rm! dude, that is craig's mom's bush right there. wait. wait, what's that? oh, shit, dude. bail, bail! what do i do?! his dad sees you! i don't know what to do! fly back to the house, stupid! [ pounding on door ] you got a problem, stotch?

what are you talking about? youknow what i'm talking about. there was a drone spying on my wife, and you're the only person i know with a drone. now, hold on. i am a drone-hobby enthusiast. i would never use my drone in a way that contradicts the drone hobbyist code of conduct. horse shit. your drone's out there flying around right now. i assure you my drone is sitting in the garage. i'll show you. there. you see? it's right there. so -- so you flew it back here in time. i swear i didn't fly it. well, these things don't just fly themselves, do they? they ought to be illegal. i better not find out it was your drone! [ eerie music plays ] butters? [ panting ] oh. h-hey, dad. butters, did you hear the drone making any sounds in the garage? uh, oh, no, dad. i've just been sleeping. [ wheezes ] why do you ask? nothing, son. it's nothing.

get back to sleep, pal. love you. love you, too, dad. [ panting ] all right, all right. shh. kenny. here comes stan and kyle. remember -- not a word about this to anyone. mrph rmhmhm rm. not a word, kenny. mrph rm! seriously, it's like there's no real thing to grab onto, you know? yeah, i don't even know if i'm gonna watch it anymore. i know. hey, guys. 'sup? [ straining ] ehh... eehhhh... you guys want to see craig's mom's bush? rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! what?! somebody, i guess, was spying on craig's mom, and they got pictures of her bush, and it's like -- it's like a yeti. you guys want to check it out? rm! that's horrible. if that's true, i don't want to see it. you don't want to see craig's mom's bush? not if somebody took pictures without her knowing. let me see. locked and loaded. full metal bush, bro. how did you get that on your phone? oh, um...uh...kenny? um...it's on the internet. yeah, i just downloaded it off the internet. nobody knows who took it, huh, kenny? uh-huh. that's terrible.

i know, right? now everyone's gonna see it. hey, craig. have you checked out the internet lately? [ all chortling ] what are you talking about? ohh, nothing. it's just that you might want to invest in some hedge clippers. [ all chortling ] for what? ohh, nothing. you just might want to... hire tarzan to do some landscaping work for your mom. [ all chortling ] [ slam! ] what the heck are you doing?! whoa, butters. chillax, bro. why did you put craig's mom's bush on the internet?! butters -- you promised me we wouldn't get into trouble! butters, butters -- now everyone is gonna know what we were doing! butters, ihadto, okay? i had to put it on the internet. why?! because stan saw the video on my phone, all right? if the video is only on my phone, then clearly we did it. if we downloaded it off the internet, then anyone could have done it. i should have never listened to you. i should have known this would get out of hand. butters, don't start playing the blame game here, okay? you and kenny are just as responsible, and the next time you want to shove me, just remember i'm coveringyourass. [ chatter ]

hi, everyone. for those of you i don't know as well, my name is roger donovan, and, uh... just like you, i'm pretty upset about what's going on in our neighborhood. how are these drones legal? my wife didn't deserve to be splayed all over the internet like that. yes, well, luckily, nobody's watched the video, of course. [ all murmuring agreement ] but the fact is that these drones are only getting more popular. i mean, anyone can get a drone off amazon for 200 bucks, and there's no laws and the whole thing is pretty damn hairy. oh. oh. god, i'm sorry, laura. you know i meant thesituation is pretty hairy, right? nothing to do with you...personally. i mean, how would i even know? i didn't see it. um... look, we're all here because what happened to laura could happen to any of us. there's nobody regulating these drones, and if we don't do something now, we're gonna be up to our navels with bush. oh! uh, up to our necks in trouble. sorry! you know, it used to be called "natural." completely shaving bald down there usedto be the weird thing. it's okay, honey. th--

but now, because i choose not to let society dictate how hairy my vagina should be... ew. ...i'm labeled as some kind of freaking monster. a-a-and that's the point. i mean, we all have things about ourselves that are embarrassing that -- that -- i'm not embarrassed about it! it's natural! it's alotof natural. look, look, why we're here is because it's gonna take all of us -- a neighborhood watch -- to make sure that our community stays safe. yeah, but how can we keep that close a watch on the whole neighborhood? it's simple. [ whirring ] oh, yeah. this is gonna work great. [ whirring continues ] are you happy now? what? is -- is this -- you thinkthisis cool? what does that have to do with me? see, when you start invading people's privacy

and thinking it's harmless to put up pictures of them they didn't want up,kenny, you start a domino effect that eventually screws everything up for everybody. kenny has no idea what you're talking about, dude. i was in the bathroom when you were talking to butters, cartman. i know you -- you were what? i was in the bathroom -- you were spying on me?! no. i was taking a crap, and i heard you guys talking. but you didn't say anything? that's [bleep] spying, kyle! how is that spying?! you were listening but we didn't know you were there. how is thatnotspying?! you're a dick! you're a spying dick, and now you want to lecture kenny about spying?! [bleep] you, hypocrite dick spy. [ whirring continues ] hello. can i help you? yes. i'd like to return this drone. you want to return it? yes, i'm -- i'm not into the hobby anymore. the hobby of flying drones is new and exciting. how can you not be into it? look, something's wrong with it. it does things. it... flies by itself. uh...no. somebody has to control it. you don't understand. it was in the garage,

and the battery was fully charged. someone said they'd seen it flying around, so i checked. the battery was half empty. [ eerie music plays ] i'm sorry, but we don't do returns. please, i just want another hobby to get enthused about. sir, did you try looking at the sd card? all the video gets recorded to that, so you could probably determine who flew it. you think i didn't try that? i pulled out the sd card. [ eerie music plays ] it was all erased. somehow it erased everything! uh, sir, did you consider that yourson might have done that? no. it's impossible. he's not allowed to fly it without my supervision. [ eerie music plays ]

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[ whirring ] oh, for god's sakes! god damn it! get the hell out of here! that does it! you people have to do something. you're the law, and these things need to be illegal. but theyaren'tillegal, mr. tucker. our privacy was invaded, and now there are kids at school making music videos with the footage of my wife. have you seen what they're doing?! no, no. none of us watched the video. but if we did, we could handle it. we're police officers. we see sickening things like that every day. we understand the humiliation your wife has gone through, mr. tucker, but we don't -- i haven't been "humiliated." i've been wronged.

we are here to ask for your help. now are you gonna help us or not? well, that'd probably be best left to a professional hair-removal company. or perhaps a forest ranger. help us with the drones spying on us. all right, all right. we'll do everything we can. [ whirring ] are you out of your mind?! what are you doing?! butters -- why would you turn craig's mom's bush into a music video starring us?! because, butters -- why can't you leave it alone? why can't you just stop?! because, butters, kyle was spying on us, okay? kyle was spying on us, and he knows that we put the video of craig's mom on the internet. he found out everything. that's why i had to make another video. why?! because when kyle says he heard us say we made the video, we can say we were talking aboutthisvideo. "oh, thank you, eric. that's pretty smart. i really owe you one." that poor lady. her vagina is everywhere. poor craig. butters, we live in a world where privacy is gone, okay? it's -- it's just gone, bud. your wiener, my balls -- they're public domain.

you can get on the internet right now and look at that chick from "hunger games'" butt-hole. we can either all freak out about it, or we can just calm down because, honestly, i'm getting a little sick of covering your ass. [ crickets chirping ] [ whirring ] [ chuckles ] gerald's watching "housewives of atlanta." you're supposed to be keeping watch on the neighborhood. i am. let's see what nelson's doing. [ whirring continues ] [ siren wails ] oh, shit! dude, neighborhood watch! i'm neighborhood watch! [ wailing continues ] [ gunshots ] [ drone malfunctions ] i've been shot! [ crash! drone engine cuts out ] no! no!!

shock and outrage all over the state tonight after an on-duty police drone chased and shot down an unarmed civilian drone. and worst of all, yes, the civilian drone was black. what gives them the right to shoot down our drones?! i wasn't doing anything wrong! this is a complete outrage to drone owners everywhere! it was about yea big. i mean, the hair on it was out to here, and then it had another trail of hair down from her belly button. i mean the -- thedrone. yeah, that's what i saw. that -- that's all i saw. while police claim they were only following standard protocol, the drone owners are banding together and holding a candlelight vigil. [ whirring ] [ sirens chirping ] man:please disperse. candles on top of drones are a fire hazard. return to your garages.

what the hell are these police drones doing? we can't protest now? just hover, honey. they can't do anything if we're just hovering. [ pounding on door ] randy, we need to talk. okay. inside! i've been going over it and over it in my head. i thought butters and i were alone, but then i saw you on the news. another drone-hobby enthusiast whose drone was blamed for something the enthusiast didn't recall doing. randy, this is very important. is it possible that you did something contrary to the proper code of conduct for drone-flying enthusiasts? no. i didn't. [ eerie music plays ] i thought it was justmydrone. but i think it might be all of them. whatmight be? once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. our drone flew. the battery was drained. the sd card was erased. butters was the only other person who had access to it. butters can't use the drone without my supervision.

so where does that leave us, randy? drones are...spooky? if they have minds of their own, they're more than spooky. i don't know about you, but i'm starting to feel pretty un-enthused about this hobby. the town of south park has become a hotbed of tension with civilians lashing out at police. after police used excessive force at a peaceful protest, the town has now broken out into full-scale riots. [ siren wailing, glass breaking, drones whirring ] as the people of south park continue to protest, the south park police are now ordering a mandatory reverse curfew. the governor has asked for help from the national guard to bring order to the town. [ whirring ]

there's nothing chill about a hot sweaty line. to bring unless...the town. you add mountain cold refreshment. coors light. choose chill.

man: tonight on an all-new "20/20," a town in crisis over the matter of privacy. now, for the first time, we sit down and talk to the mom behind the bush. you've become sort of a poster child for privacy and drone issues. i don't think anyone wants to live in a world where police drones are monitoring neighborhood-watch drones. i mean, where does it stop? it just keeps going on and on, kind of like your... i mean, it just goes outside what most people would call acceptable. have you ever seen pictures of naked women before 2005? it's not that weird. it's okay, honey. i didn't see the video. i don't believe in doing that, but, uh, i'm just saying that this situation in your town is...

unwieldy? [ buzzing, static ] please do not adjust your televisions. what is that? my name is stephen willis stotch. the drone that took the video of craig's momwasmy drone. i didn't want to believe it, but they do things without us knowing. at this point, i have completely lost all enthusiasm for the hobby. all of you with drones, please listen to me. three days ago, my drone recorded a video thatsomethinguploaded to the internet. we all were told to respectfully not watch the video. but on the page, it has over 300 million views. so if none of us watched it, who did? [ eerie music plays ] we have to find a way to get rid of them before they get rid of us. [ doorbell rings ] [ siren wails ] oh, hey, butters. 'sup? do you remember when i showed you the video

of the little bird eggs? that's the last time i felt happy. dude, what's the matter? i have to tell the truth. i want you and kenny to come with me and tell craig's mom we're sorry and that we'll -- okay, okay, okay. come inside. there's drones out here. i don't want any more discussions, eric. i don't want any more excuses. butters -- i just want to end this so we can take our punishment and be done with it. okay. okay. butters. butters -- i don't want all these drones everywhere! nobody does! butters! all right, all right, butters. fine. i have a way that we can get rid of all the drones. you do? yes. everyone's sick of it. it's just that everyone's waiting for everyone else to stop. we can put an end to it all tonight. we're just gonna need one thing. what? your dad's drone. no! there is no way we're gonna -- butters, butters, butters! jennifer lawrence's butt-hole didn't take a picture of itself. it started with her, right? just like this started with you spying on birds. now, i'm willing to bail you out of all this, but i swear it's the last time, okay?! okay.

[ gun cocks ] time to end this hobby once and for all. no. no! all right. we've got power. prepare for takeoff. if this doesn't work, we are dead. it'll work, butters. if there's one thing we've learned, it's that drones can't resist craig's mom. [ whirring ] [ siren wailing ] [ whirring continues ]

[ triumphant music plays ] [ cheers and applause ] we are here tonight to pay tribute to a woman who overcame humiliation, who rose above the monsters invading her privacy and said, "no more!" just when it seemed that we were about to live in a world controlled by drones, she did something miraculous. and someday, our children's children will still be telling stories about how craig's mom flew through the town and led all the drones away.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ have you heard the tale of craig's mom's bush ♪ ♪ and the night that it saved us from drones? ♪ ♪ nobody knew the power it had ♪ they just thought it was shaggy and gross ♪ ♪ craig's mom lived a life of shame and despair ♪ ♪ everyone feared her great, giant bush ♪ theydidn't. ♪ but then when drones were filling the sky ♪ ♪ she unfurled her bush and she used it to fly ♪ ♪ craig's mom's bush, craig's mom's bush ♪ ♪ gargantuan thicket of madness ♪ ♪ bigger than earth and denser than gold ♪ ♪ truly a magical bush to behold ♪ [ whistling ] well, you see, butters? everything worked out. "oh, thank you, eric. "i screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy. thanks for covering my ass." craig's mom doesn't seem very happy. [ whistling continues ] all right. i have a way that we can make craig's mom happy. no. no, no, no. i'm sorry. thank you, eric. i screwed up everything, but now everyone's happy. thanks for covering my ass. you're welcome. ♪ and she flew and she flew away into the sun ♪ ♪ and then she di-i-i-ied