goodnight, andy. huh? yeah, see ya. [screams] what! [screams] [on the verge of tears] narrator (on pc): [non-english speech] i hope you got sound on everything. i'd love a dvd of that. [horns honking] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your hosts, desi lydic and jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. >> jordan: and i'm jordan klepper. we've got so much to talk about tonight. the white house is at war with the media, donald trump tries out social distancing, and we find out who's going to win the black vote. >> desi: so let's get right into the headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with the big story of the past week, a national crisis with global implications: somebody shit in the bed in gwyneth paltrow's guesthouse. >> according to "the daily mail," a houseguest of gwyneth paltrow's hamptons guesthouse suffered, quote, "catastrophic diarrhea in bed. the houseguest then blamed the disaster on ozempic before fleeing the property." >> desi: wow. is one of the side effects of ozempic not caring about cleaning up the diarrhea you get

from ozempic? why would you run out after that? if there's anyone who would be sympathetic, it's the woman who tells you to squirt coffee enemas up your butt. and pardon my word choice here, but i want to sit in this mess for just a minute, because it brings up an interesting question: when you shit the bed as visibly and as nationally as this guest did, should you stay in the house, or is it time to leave? i know some people would say that the guest just a bad night. he's a decent man with a lifetime of service as a houseguest, and he's earned the chance to stay and clean up his mess. but the thing is, we all know he shit the bed. we can't un-see him shitting the bed. and now every time we see him, we're going to be wondering, is he going to shit the bed again? >> jordan: uh, are we still talking about the houseguest?

>> desi: all i'm saying is, gwyneth has every right to be skeptical about inviting this houseguest to stay over again for the next four years or so. >> jordan: i mean, it might be too late in the summer to get another houseguest. >> desi: there's plenty of time to get another houseguest! >> jordan: okay, okay. but who's to say that another guest might not shit the bed even worse? i mean, sometimes the bed-shitter you know is better than the bed-shitter you don't. >> desi: maybe. maybe. but we should at least be honest about the bed-shitting instead of pretending that the bed was never shat in? otherwise, we're going to delude ourselves into thinking this is the best houseguest we can get, and now all of a sudden, it's january, and there's a houseguest that nobody wanted, and nobody in the house is allowed to get a goddamn abortion! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i'm almost certain

we're not talking about the houseguest. >> desi: no, we're not. >> jordan: okay, gotcha. so joe biden shit the bed. and now his campaign is trying desperately to change the conversation back to joe biden's opponent. >> new reporting today on a plan from president joe biden. it's a plan to tie donald trump to project 2025 and focus on what a second trump presidency could look like. >> democrats have been shouting from the rooftops that this project 2025 is a blueprint for trump to gut democracy if he wins. >> the dnc purchased five new billboards in miami tying trump to project 2025 today. >> the current president, joe biden, just tweeted, "google project 2025." >> jordan: he wants us to google it? kind of phoning in the attack, there, aren't you, joe? although, i'm not entirely convinced biden wasn't trying to just google project 2025.

[cheers and applause] i mean, his next tweet's going to be, "alexa, how do you win a debate?" [audience reacts] >> desi: but yes, if you haven't googled it yet, project 2025 is a 900-page blueprint for donald trump's second term. it's basically conservative fan fiction, which could very well become fan reality. and it's full of terrifying proposals that range from burning more fossil fuels to outlawing pornography. which is bad news for people who like to masturbate, and horrible news for people who like to masturbate to our flourishing coral reefs. maybe it's just me. i don't know. the people behind project 2025 were some of donald trump's top aides. but apparently it's getting a little too controversial for trump because now he's running away from it like it's a disabled veteran who wants a

selfie. >> donald trump chose today to try to distance himself from project 2025. on truth social today, trump wrote, "i know nothing about project 2025. i have no idea who's behind it. i disagree with some of the things they're saying and some of the things they're saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. anything they do, i wish them luck, but i have nothing to do with them." >> jordan: [laughs] really? you expect us to believe donald trump didn't read a 900-page -- okay, now that i'm saying it, i hear it. yes, i do. but this is just textbook trump. he hides his dog whistles next to some plausible deniability. every tweet is like a cheesecake factory menu -- there's something for everybody. and he doesn't mind if it's full of contradictions: he hasn't read project 2025, but he likes parts of it. he has no idea who's behind it, but he hired most of them. he thinks it's abysmal, but he wishes them luck. he's got one hand in his pocket

and the other one's giving a high five. by the way, if trump saying, "i don't know who these people are but i wish them luck" sounds both odd and oddly familiar, it might be because of this. >> president trump was asked late today about jeffrey epstein's alleged co-conspirator, ghislaine maxwell. >> i don't know. i haven't really been following it too much. i just wish her well, frankly. [audience reacts] >> jordan: here's a tweet idea for joe biden: google ghislaine maxwell! >> desi: but yes, the biden campaign would love the media to start talking about project 2025, so they can stop talking about things like this: >> news broke today that a military doctor specializing in parkinson's visited the white house eight times in eight months. >> desi: eight times in eight months? that is shocking! i can't get one doctor's appointment in eight months. i had to go to the cvs minute clinic to get my tubes tied.

now as it turns out, this doctor only examined biden during his annual physicals, and the other visits were for other people at the white house. so this story might have blown right by, until this happened. >> the white house today facing repeated questions about president biden's medical history. >> has the president been treated for parkinson's? no. is he being treated for parkinson's? no, he's not. is he taking medication for parkinson's? no. >> but the press secretary refused to confirm that dr. kevin cannard, an expert on parkinson's disease, visited the white house eight times from last summer to this past spring. >> hold on a second. >> that much you should be able to answer by this point. >> wait, no, no, no, no, no, no. no, wait a minute -- ed, please, a little respect here, please. >> it is. you're asking me -- >> did dr. kevin cannard come to the white house? >> i also said to you -- ed, i also said to you, for security reasons, we cannot share names. we cannot share names.

>> desi: look, i know she's trying to protect peoples' privacy, but anytime you're being that cagey with information, it just makes you look like you're hiding something. it almost would have been better to just make something up, like joe and jill and dr. parkinson's are in a throuple. i mean, do you want the youth vote or not? > jordan: for more on the questions over joe biden's health, we go live to the briefing room with our senior white house analyst, michael kosta. [cheers and applause] michael, why is the white house being so cagey about the president's health? >> guys, i've been talking to white house officials, and it turns out, the media is blowing this way out of proportion. so a parkinson's doctor visited a few times. big deal! an std doctor has been here every day for a week, and no one's asking if the president has an std! >> jordan: wait. does the president have an std? >> [laughs] that would be pretty cool, huh?

>> desi: no! >> jordan: no! >> desi: no! does he have an std or not? answer the question! >> guys, calm down! he definitely does not have hepatatis a, if that's what you're asking. >> jordan: no! does he have hepatitis b? or c? >> d, e, f, g! sounds like a preschool in here! i mean, this is what the white house is talking about. the media needs to calm down. >> desi: no, the white house can't drop concerning information and then be angry when the media tries to report on it. >> there's nothing to report on. biden's fine, but even if he isn't, which he is, the white house has a great medical staff with tons of spare organs. >> desi: does biden need organs? >> no one said anything about him getting organs from pigs! why would he even need that? biden's in great shape, he's got the heart of an ox! >> jordan: wait, okay, are you talking figuratively or literally? >> [laughs] i know, right? >> desi: michael!

>> jordan: no! answer it! >> desi: michael! come on! this is infuriating! >> hey, hey, hey! a little respect, please. a little respect. >> jordan: sorry. >> desi: okay, sorry. continue. >> thank you. let's be calm and let this family grieve. >> desi: what? >> jordan: what? >> desi: who is grieving? >> i can't share names about which family is grieving which sitting president of the united states, which they're not, but they could be one day, which might be today. >> desi: oh, my god. michael, answer this one question clearly, without raising any further questions: where is the president right now? >> the president is at the nato summit. >> jordan: great. >> desi: great. >> jordan: okay. >> and he's in all of our hearts. >> desi: kosta! michael kosta, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, josh johnson finds out what black voters think. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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when the sawdust settles and the engine roars the thing you care about is a job well done. but when you get your tools from harbor freight something about the job feels different - your wallet. whatever you do, do it for less, at harbor freight. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> jordan: welcome back to "the daily show." if joe biden has any hope of winning the presidential race, he'll need the support of black voters, which means responding to their interests and not calling them all barack. >> desi: but it raises the question: what do black voters think of the presidential candidates? our own josh johnson went to find out.

>> what outcome a world? it is josh johnson, full-time "the daily show" correspondent and full-time black guy. but also that, i am a part-time boater. black voters have been the backbone of electing black voters since bill clinton went on arsenio. in fact, 91% of voters voted for hillary clinton and 92% voted for joe biden last election. so why does this year feel different? >> new polling shows 23% support among black voters for former president trump. that is up 19 points since the 2020 election. >> contrary to popular belief, not all black people know each other, so in order to find out how all black people felt about trump, i got six from the tri-state area to ask, do we [bleep] with trump? >> okay, so who will you be voting for in 2024? >> do i have to say his name? i don't want to. but more than likely, it's going to be trump. >> yeah. >> who are you going to be voting for? >> biden. >> i'm with her.

>> biden. >> trump. >> biden. >> trump. >> we are an even split. which, yeah, i didn't see that coming. [laughter] so what do you think there is going to be a big shift? >> i think there is going to be a big shift. >> me too. >> me to. >> for me, i have always been a democrat, and it is like, for the most part with the democratic party, they always make a bunch of promises that they can't deliver. >> they use the issues of the african american community as a soapbox to stand on and make promises, you know, just to get us to come out and vote and then once we vote, and everyone is in place, it is like, what happened? >> would you say it is anything like somebody is in your dms and they are really laying it down, i will take you over here, i will take you to the top, you know what i mean? then you finally go on the date and it is burger king. [laughter] if the polls are right and trump

is going up with black voters, what changed? >> i wish i knew. i am not a huge fan of trump. he don't respect the black person. >> and biden does? has biden issued an apology for things you have been caught saying? >> he said if you don't vote for me, you are not black. >> they have both said we are questionable and unsavory. but when you start looking at facts, it is like, biden, you done dropped the ball, brother. >> okay, so some black voters feel let down by democrats but i wasn't sure if they knew about how trump likened himself to black americans so i showed them some footage of trump at the black conservative federation gala. >> i being indicted for you, the black population. >> i want to play a little less. this is going to be fist or finger. if you like what is happening, you are going to put up your blacklist. if you don't like what is happening, there is a finger. ♪ ♪

y'all ready? okay. >> good. these lights are so bright in my eyes that i can't see too many people out there. but... i can only see the black ones. i can't see any white ones. you see? that is how far i have come. that is how far i have come. >> [bleep]. [laughter] >> he had -- >> these sound bites. [laughter] >> okay -- >> i will play the next clip for you real quick. >> black conservatives understand better than most that some of the greatest evils in our nation's history have come from corrupt systems that try to target and subjugate others. you understand that. i think that is why the black people are so much on my side now, because they see what is happening to me happens to them. >> he messed up. >> he messed up at the end.

>> okay. can we get our signs up? the same, okay. okay. let's go to the next clip real quick. >> but i got indicted for nothing, for something that is nothing, and a lot of people said that that is why the black people like because they have been hurt so badly and discriminated against, and they actually viewed me as i am being discriminated against. it has been pretty amazing. [laughter] >> all right, so kind of still along the same party lines. now you think trump is being discriminated against? >> not at all. it is not one side. it is the legal system. no matter who you are, if you do these things, you get charged for it. that is it. >> yeah. >> all two systems of justice, we cannot get away with the same thing white folks get away with. >> but with this different sort of accountability system, does

it feel like trump is bad at being white? [laughter] he is 91? >> i noticed how when i was incarcerated, right, how the white incarcerated people seemed to be more angrier than the black incarcerated people. trump is like the same guy, like it's not supposed to happen to me, i'm not supposed to be indicted, people are not supposed to tell me i committed a crime because i am privileged. >> damn. i had no idea the appeal process for incarcerated white people were like that but trump is facing close to 100 felony charges. how much of a criminal is too much of a criminal? >> if more charges get racked up, maybe things that started to become a bit more egregious, is that going to start to weigh on whether or not you will change your vote? >> you pay attention, you listen to the facts -- not the fluff, and you actually have doing some research to make sure that what is being presented to you as actual facts.

and it takes some digging. >> okay, so if you dog and you did your research and you found out what josh just said is true, with that's what your vote? >> probably not. >> i definitely did not sit down with this panel to change any minds and i clearly have not. >> [laughter] >> really? >> so yeah, i guess some black folks do [bleep] with trump. what was there anything i could get this panel to agree on? >> can we keep these? either so useful in everyday life. [laughter] >> i was thinking the same thing. [cheers and applause] >> desi: thank you, josh. when we come back, aasif mandvi will be joining us on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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♪you're so unbelievable♪ now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." you may know our guest tonight as a former "daily show" correspondent who currently stars in the paramount+ series, "evil." >> what is that? >> i am not quite sure. ♪ ♪ >> get out! >> what is it? >> get down! >> what the hell? >> are you okay? >> are you all right? >> ben, jesus. >> desi: please welcome back aasif mandvi! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> desi: oh, boy, boy, oh, boy. welcome home! >> jordan: really eating it up over there with the entrance. >> you know, it was the entrance i always wanted when i worked here and i never got. >> desi: yes. >> jordan: i got to work with you for a little bit. and i want to go back and watch some old pieces because i really remember so little of your work. just not memorable in any real sense. >> i don't remember that. >> jordan: i was able to find a little field piece from you with then-governor of florida rick scott. >> yes. >> jordan: do we have that? you had a simple request for the governor at that point, i believe was making similar requests to constituents of his

own at that time. can we play that? >> governor, you benefit from hundreds of thousands of taxpayer dollars every year, so would you be willing to pee into this cup to prove to florida taxpayers that you are not on drugs, not using their money for drugs? >> i've done that plenty of times. >> you have? >> i have done it plenty of times. >> would you pass this up there? [cheers and applause] >> desi: there it is. >> jordan: now begging a politician for their urine. high point, low point? how do you view that? >> i love that moment, because we were actually at rick scott's press conference, and so all of the reporters from the entire state of florida were in that room, and when i asked him to pee in the cup, you could see there was just this silence that went over the entire room, and people were like, who is this, what is happening? nobody knows. and then you see the piece and he doesn't do it and i passed the cup down and the poor guy in

the front row, he is left holding the cup and he puts it on the floor. but then when we left that room, every reporter from the state of florida came up to me afterwards and was like, "oh, my god, we wish we could do that!" >> desi: you have gone from battling demons in d.c. to now battling demons on paramount+ with your show "evil." [cheers and applause] >> yes. >> desi: now in its fourth season. >> four seasons. >> desi: it is such a good show. >> thanks. >> desi: it is so fascinating. it is a horror dramedy, but the kings, who created the show, brilliant writers, are known for really exploring political and societal issues. is that what interested you in working with them? >> well, i mean, many reasons. a, they are incredible writers and incredible creators. they created "the good wife" and "the good fight." "the good fight" was one of my

favorite shows, just their take on societal issues and politics and the absurdity and the satire that they use in their shows, and so when i got this script, it was just a great script and a great premise and it turned out to be such an amazing experience. >> jordan: well, i would love to say you should come back any time, but i talk to people around here and that isn't the sentiment. [cheers and applause] but this has been fun. >> this has been really fun. >> jordan: so fun. >> desi: this will be the last time we ever see each other. >> let's not spoil it. and that's it. >> jordan: that's it. >> lovely to see you. have a great life. >> jordan: yeah, you as well. [laughter] the final season of "evil" is streaming out on paramount+. aasif mandvi. we're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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but when you get your tools from harbor freight something about the job feels different - your wallet. whatever you do, do it for less, at harbor freight. ♪♪ ♪ ♪ not every decision you make will be as good as getting a volkswagen at the savvy vw summer sales event. 2024 volkswagen models cost less to maintain than honda. get 1.9% apr financing or a $2500 customer bonus on the new 2024 tiguan during the savvy vw summer sales event. >> jordan: that's our show for tonight. >> desi: now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> i don't care if he's pooped his pants. i have poopy days all the time. i step in so much poo, you even

imagine. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> sorry. - ♪ mtv ♪ [rock music] ♪ ♪ - so we know that the inverse angle is the same as the-- [drill droning] beavis, what are you doing? - uh, nothing. [drill drones] you must have heard something else. [drill droning] - beavis, put your drill away before i confiscate it, mm-kay? - yeah, beavis. some of these dumbasses are trying to learn. [chuckles] - okay, yeah. it won't happen again. - [sighs] okay. so the inverse-- [drill droning] - sorry, sorry. [chuckles]

i'm--i'm just gonna put it away. [drill drones] see? i can't even reach it. [drill drones] okay, go ahead. yeah. you were saying some angles or something. [snickers] - [sighs] so the inverse angle is the same-- [drill drones] - oh, sorry, sorry. i forgot. [chuckles] it won't happen again. - he means it this time, sir. [drill droning] - i'm putting this in my desk, beavis. you can have it back at the end of the week, mm-kay? [school bell rings] - um, butt-head, how're we gonna get the drill back? [chuckles] - uh...whoa. i got an idea, beavis. we can go, like, hide in that box until school's closed, and then we can go get the drill. - yeah, yeah. good idea. yeah. [chuckles] - [chuckles] [both snicker] - this is gonna be cool. - scoot over. [chuckles] - we're beating the system.