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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  July 17, 2024 11:00pm-11:35pm PDT

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- can you hear me? hey! [cans rattling] - hey, butt-head, look. look at those hot chicks. - aww, look at those two old guys who just got married. - oh, look how much they love each other. - you see that, beavis? they can tell we're back on the market. - yeah, turn around, butt-head. - it's too soon to get tied down again, beavis. we're good just the way we are. [rock music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from the most trusted journalists at comedy central... it's america's only source for news. this is "the daily show" with your host, ronny chieng! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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[cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm ronny chieng. we've got a lot to talk about tonight. republicans leave unity on read, the trumps make nepotism great again, and we try to find a reason why j.d. vance won't suck. but let's start things off with the republican national convention in our continuing coverage of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] last night was night two of the rnc. and it's been a very unusual convention because someone shot the candidate four days ago. and the media consensus after this was that this week would be about healing. >> the attack on trump has changed the story line and the tone of this convention with the former president calling for unity. >> something has fundamentally shifted here. >> this is going to be a
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different tone. >> this is going to shift what we are hearing from every single person who takes the stage. >> it is about unity. it's about coming together and supporting one another now. >> more trying to lower the political temperature here. >> it's like a wholly different convention that we're going to see. >> i think that bullet grazed his ear, but it impacted his heart. >> ronny: it impacted his heart. it opened his eyes. it lowered his cholesterol. it engorged his penis. but yeah, word on the street was the rnc speeches were going to be civil and polite now. so bring on the good vibes. >> the democrats' disastrous record on crime, trade, and regulation has ruined the lives of countless minnesotans. >> your family is less safe. >> biden's violent crime crisis. >> our children are dying. >> war on families. >> woke indoctrination. >> trampled underfoot by the radical left. >> biden and the democrats are doing everything they can tear down this great country and
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>> america cannot afford four more years of a "weekend at bernie's" presidency. >> ronny: ♪ kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya ♪ i mean, i guess this is toning it down? and for the record, it is totally unfair to compare joe biden's presidency to "weekend at bernie's." for one thing, bernie could pass as an alive person. also, that movie got a sequel. but it wasn't all death and destruction. there was also a lot of ass kissing. like from the co-chair of the republican national committee, lara trump. yes, lara trump. i wonder if they're related. >> i know that i am lucky enough father-in-law. my father-in-law. my father-in-law. my father-in-law. my father-in-law. and if not for the support and encouragement of my father-in-law, i would not be where i am today. >> ronny: yeah, we know.
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we kind of figured figured that. but hey, i'm not hating. i'd love to have a father-in-law who gives me a career. all my father-in-law gives me is anger that i haven't given him a grandchild. like, chill out, man. i'll hit it raw when i'm ready. but the rnc has to win over more demographics than just daughters-in-law. so when former the presidential candidate and indian tintin, vivek ramaswamy, took the stage, he made an appeal to young voters. >> our message to gen z is this: you will be the generation that saves this country. you want to be a rebel? you want to be a hippie? you want to stick it to the man? show up on your college campus and try calling yourself a conservative. say you want to get married, have kids. >> ronny: okay, you know what? [bleep] diversity. bring back the white people. he expects us to believe all the cool kids are hanging out behind
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the bleachers, like, "after we finish not having sex, let's fund offshore fracking." and as an asian, i want to make it clear that vivek ramaswamy does not represent me. because indians are not asians. but if vivek didn't convince young people that it's cool to be republican, check out this sick beat. ♪ if the mayor of maga ville ♪ ♪ you know who we are going to vote ♪ ♪ we are voting donald trump baby ♪ ♪ donald trump, baby ♪ ♪ america needs safe ♪ >> ronny: i didn't think it was possible to dishonor vanilla ice. but they did it. i wish i got shot in the ear so i don't have to listen to that shit. do republicans not remember they have kanye? like, i know he's a bit of a nazi now, but i really don't
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think this room will mind. now the main theme of night two was "making america safe again." which got off to a bad start when rudy giuliani did an impression of his net worth and plummeted to the ground. don't worry, everyone, he's fine. fortunately, the only thing that can hurt rudy is garlic and holy water. but the theme was meant to highlight crime and drug use. and some speakers came out to talk about how much real tragedy they've suffered these last few years. >> my son murdered with a knife on the streets of new york city. >> my beloved sister rachel murdered by a suspected illegal immigrant. >> i was insulted as a guest at the white house correspondents dinner.
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[laughter] >> ronny: okay, one of these stories wasn't quite as tragic as the other ones. and hey, i'm not saying it wasn't painful that someone made fun of you while you had a free dinner, but maybe next time, just go before the widows and orphans, so there's, like, an escalation of tragedy? but you know what, sarah huckabee sanders was probably just ramping up. i'm sure she suffered a much worse tragedy. >> my family was denied service and kicked out of a restaurant. >> ronny: okay, lady, you heard the speeches before you, right? there are people who are like, "my whole family is addicted to fentanyl." and you're like, "i know, right? and chipotle totally skimped on my guac!" come on, you gotta give me something tragic. make me tear up! >> and a parent at my three-year-old son's preschool spit on my car.
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>> ronny: okay, sarah is like, "what is happening to america? when someone can just walk up to my car and "hawk tuah, spit on that thang?" [cheers and applause] don't applaud it. why are you even mad about that? you're in arkansas, isn't that just a car wash there? for more on the second night of the rnc, we go live to milwaukee with michael kosta! [cheers and applause] michael, michael! how is it going over there? >> thanks, ronny. it is great to be here in milwaukee. i know we canceled all our shows here this week, but i'm glad i got to stay here in milwaukee, which is where i am. >> ronny: okay.
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so republicans and the media were really talking up how this country needed unity. what happened? >> it's boring, so they stopped. back to you, ronny. >> ronny: wait, that's it? all that talk of bringing the country together and lowering the temperature, and they couldn't do it? >> yeah, you know, old habits are hard to change. it's human nature. i do it. i'm always telling myself, "michael, you gotta read more books." day one, i'm cracking open "war and peace." but day two, i'm like, you know, pornhub has a comments section. that's reading! >> ronny: i know it's hard, but isn't it worth making the effort to try and bring the country together? >> no, it's not. it's actually un-american! division has always been a core part of american identity. hamilton versus burr! the north versus the confederacy! tits versus ass! still dividing families today. we are a nation built on disagreement! where did this idea come from that the united states has to be
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"united?" >> ronny: okay, i don't think that's right. i feel like america's been united before. what about after 9/11? >> oh, yeah, how did that go? we united around invading the wrong country. it's like my parents always told us as kids, "we're not good together!" [audience reacts] we need one half of america to hate the other half. >> ronny: okay, so you don't think this assassination attempt is an opportunity for us to maybe change? >> it's the opposite, ronny. i don't want some 20-year-old gun nut forcing us to change who we are as a nation. think about it. if we put our differences aside and build a better future, well, then the terrorists have won. >> ronny: okay, you know, that's the dumbest shit i've ever heard. >> that's the most american thing you've ever said. i [bleep] hate you dude. >> ronny: michael kosta, everyone. [cheers and applause]
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when we come back, we'll discuss the g.o.p.'s new vice president. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ musical do you guys think we come here too much? ♪ your cousin from boston ♪ summer ale! octoberfest! winter lager! cold snap! nah! it's sam season have you tried these new febreze car vent clips? the new intensity dial gives you total control. i can turn it up... that smells good! or turn it down...
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>> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show." tonight, ohio senator j.d. vance officially accepts the nomination to be vice president of the united states. but to much of america, vance is still largely unknown. >> former president trump's new running mate, j.d. vance, has had a meteoric rise in the republican party. >> the freshman senator was first elected in 2022. raised in poverty, vance enlisted in the marine corps and was deployed to iraq. he later graduated from yale law school and wrote the best-selling memoir "hillbilly elegy" before turning to politics. vance is largely aligned with mr. trump's maga makeover of the g.o.p., opposing abortion rights and aid for ukraine. >> ronny: wow, i'd be kind of worried about this guy becoming president, but the good news is trump is unkillable, so the point is moot! the question is: is he the right person to be donald trump's running mate? for analysis, we turn to desi lydic in washington, d.c., and jordan klepper at the republican national convention. [cheers and applause]
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jordan, let's start with you. trump just picked another white guy when he could have brought some diversity to the ticket. do you think this was a smart pick? >> wow, i don't want to put you on blast, ronny, but j.d. vance does bring diversity. he would be the first vice president in over 100 years with a beard! a kickass beard. a broseph, strong, chisled, alpha beard. the face-pube ceiling has been shattered! huzzah! >> ronny, i'm sorry to interrupt, but jordan couldn't be more wrong. j.d. vance is a terrifying prospect. >> ronny: oh, is it because of his views on women's rights? >> yeah, and also because he has a beard! i'm sorry, but i do not trust a man if i don't know where his neck ends. >> wow, wow! how dare you! you have no idea what it's like to have a beard. >> oh, believe me, i know what it's like. i've been a beard for more men than i can count.
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[cheers and applause] i don't trust this guy. how can a man have empathy for the working class when he doesn't even care about giving me 'stache rash? >> oh, shame, desi! shame! that is discrimination against the forgotten bearded americans! the lumberjacks! the metal band bassists! travis kelce! jason kelce! anyone involved in and around the brining of pickles! they deserve a voice in the white house! >> oh, come on, are you that superficial, jordan? if i just slapped a beard on, would you vote for me? >> oh, my culture is not your costume, desi! >> ronny: okay, guys, guys, come on. just to be clear, jordan, do you agree with desi that j.d. vance is a dangerous ideologue? >> i do. >> ronny: okay, but you still support him because he has a beard? >> 100%. look, i can't turn my back on my people, ronny. you don't know what it's like. you're an asshole. you always get to vote for someone who represents you. look, we can't miss the opportunity to see a bearded man
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in office. we're tired of living in the 5:00 shadows! we'll finally have a straight talker who won't kowtow to the clap trap from the fat cats at phillips norelco! [cheers and applause] >> straight talker? beards hide things. black heads, white heads, lack of chin! too much chin! and he's open about all his horrific policies, so if that beard is hiding something, it must be really bad! >> oh, this is ridiculous! beards do not hide anything! >> oh, really? not even a sharpied dick that never fully washed off? [audience reacts] >> i told you that in confidence! and that is rich stuff coming from someone who wears a shirt at the pool to hide a lower back tattoo of daria. >> i told you that in confidence! >> ronny: guys, guys, listen, we here. have to lower the temperature here. >> oh, shut up, ronny. you can't even grow a beard!
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let me put this in perspective. if i may quote martin luther king... >> no! >> ronny: don't do that. >> fair enough. fair enough. fair enough. but as abraham lincoln once said, "a government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth!" >> ronny: what does that have to do with beards? >> lincoln had a beard! the hair that unites the north and the south of the face! that's where he got the idea from! and if a beard made lincoln one of this country's finest leaders, who knows? maybe a beard will make j.d. vance not as terrible as i'm pretty sure he will be. >> ronny: okay, let's hope so. jordan klepper and desi lydic, everybody! when we come back, scott galloway will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]
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♪ i am, i said ♪ ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: welcome back to "the daily show!" my guest tonight is an nyu professor, entrepreneur, and bestselling author whose latest book is called, "the algebra of wealth: a simple formula for financial security." please welcome scott galloway. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> ronny: thanks for joining me, professor. >> thanks for having me. >> ronny: "the algebra of wealth." what is "the algebra of wealth"? >> so it is a retrospective on all the mistakes i made --
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>> ronny: i mean, what is the formula? how do you make money? >> i wanted to insert me into the story, ronny. >> ronny: [laughs] >> so the algebra. the first is, focus, try to find your talent, not your passion. anyone who tells you to pursue your passion is already rich. find something you are good at in an industry that has an employment rate above 90%. side hustles mean your main hustle isn't working. go all in on something. then, you want to talk about stoicism, control the things you can control. you can control your spending -- >> ronny: this is complicated. how do why -- >> how are we doing so far? >> ronny: [laughs] why are people poor and who should we blame? whose fault is it that everyone is poor? is it baby boomers? is it [bleep] foreigners? is it bitcoin? is it the government? whose fault is that? >> yes. >> ronny: that we are poor? >> well, i think that essentially every fiscal policy in america the last 20 or 30 years has been nothing but an elegant transfer of wealth from the young to the old.
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we transferred $1.5 trillion from young people to the wealthiest generation in history, seniors. >> ronny: you can say boomers, you can say [bleep] boomers. >> the two biggest tax deductions, capital gains, and more mortgage interest, who owns stock, people my age, earnings and rent, people their age. so i think everything we do is nothing but an elegant transfer of wealth from young to old. people call them entitled. i think they are actually entitled to be enraged. >> ronny: wow, okay. [cheers and applause] [laughs] i love how you came in here, like, yeah, it is my fault that i'm rich and you are poor, [bleep] you. there's nothing you can do about it. what can people do about it? first of all, kudos, you are the first boomer i've heard in the last decade to give young people some props, to be like, hey, because all i have heard for the last decade is boomers yelling at millenials being lazy and eating avocados.
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so you are a refreshing voice. >> look, the average 70-year-old is 72% wealthier than they were four years ago. the average person under 40 is 24% less wealthy. the child tax credit getting stripped out of the infrastructure act, $40 billion, with $120 billion increase, annual increase of the cost-of-living adjustment for seniors, flies right through. >> ronny: anytime i want to say [bleep] boomers, i will link to this part of the video. what this guy said. >> 100%. >> ronny: i love that you are making the case against boomers but i want to figure out, what can we do about it? >> there is a variety of things. one, lower taxes on -- put more money in the pockets of young people. education has gone up four fold. [cheers and applause] that was pretty popular. housing has gone up 4x, education has gone up two next, meanwhile, minimum wage, if it just kept productivity, inflation would be 23 bucks an
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hour, but it is $7.25. we need a series of policies that make it easier for people to get ahead. 60% of people aged 30-34 used to have kids. now it is 27%. they are literally opting out of america. they look up, they look down, they see prosperity everywhere, and 210 times a day, they get a notification of someone vomiting their faux wealth in their face. it is no accident that we are raising a generation of the most obese, anxious, depressed, suicidal generation in history. >> ronny: you were doing so well there with praising the young people, and then you took a hard turn. i just wasn't ready for it. i am sorry. are we good or not? is this all our fault or not? >> i do think it is. >> ronny: besides being civically engaged and caring about the world, what can a young person do to make money? >> again -- >> ronny: nobody got that one. because what you are describing
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is policies, right? i think a lot of people feel disenfranchised in voting, so besides -- >> agency. everyone needs to have a sense of agency. you do have agency. one, recognize how fast time is going to go. between the ages of 20 and 30, if you save 3-6% of your salary, you will end up wealthy by the time you are my age. recognize that time will go faster than you think. diversify, and recognize that your 20s is about workshopping. don't be so hard on yourself. also recognize you will live a lot longer than you think. so try to develop the savings muscle and put a little bit of money away in case you don't go double platinum or sell a business. most of us, because our species hasn't lived past 35 for 99% of our time on this planet, we have trouble believing that you are going to be my age, that is why we are so horrified when we look in the mirror past 35. we are just not used to seeing it. >> ronny: i am kind of horrified looking in front of me right now. [laughter] >> you just made my wife your best friend. [laughter] this is essentially, start early, so you can save, you can
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control, control your spending, spend less than you make, develop a savings muscle. really lean into your strengths and try and become great at something. pick a nonvanity industry that has greater than a 90 plus percent employment rate. >> ronny: as someone who speaks boomer, when you talk to your fellow boomers and you tell them, like, you are kind of taking away the things that you benefited from. can we put them back in? how do you convince these [bleep] old people to do it? you know what i mean, like? >> the key to progress, whether it is fdr or teddy roosevelt, is having a series of class traitors. if you don't make these forward-leaving investments, the reality is, you have your older friends, kids, when something is off your track with one of your kids, the whole world shrinks to that kid. the question is, are we willing to make the same sort of forward leaning investments that your father and our grandparents made in america moving forward? we have lost that sense of comity of man. one solution that will help us get back to that is we need mandatory national service to
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develop more connective tissue. young americans can meet people from other ethnic groups, other sexual orientation, realize that they can build something great in the agency of others, not see each other as republicans, not see each other as democrats or trans or nontrans, but see each other as americans and start making these forward-leaning investments to make america. [applause] >> ronny: well, as a young person, thank you for trying to look after the next generation. i hope more old people can be like you. >> i appreciate that. >> ronny: "the algebra of wealth" is available now. scott galloway. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪
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(¡sí tú puedes!) can i kick it? can i kick it? can i try? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!) ♪♪ can i kick it? (yes, you can!) hey, can you guys... make room for one more? of course! sam adams summer ale. light and citrusy. perfect for summer. marco! polo! [cheers and applause] >> ronny: that's our show for tonight. tune in tomorrow, when we'll be live at 11:30 p.m. no matter what! now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> if baby doll can come on out here. [cheers and applause]
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now, as the world watches, you didn't really expect that, did you? you? >> sorry - ♪ mtv ♪ [both chuckling] [rock music] ♪ ♪ [both chuckling] - it's gonna say "boobs," butt-head. it's gonna say "boobs" in the sky. - shut up, beavis. we're gonna miss the moment. [tires screeching, horn honks] let's get closer so "boobs" will be easier to read. - yeah, i want to get a good look at "boobs"... in the sky. [chuckles] - okay, he's done with the o. and now for whatever letter b is. - oh, yeah, yeah. this is gonna be good.
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here he goes. - just one more letter, and it will say-- aah! - it'll say "aah"? i thought it was gonna say-- aah! [body thuds] [both groaning] - [echoing] eh... - [echoing] butt-head, where are we? - eh, wait a second. here's some words. [chuckles] eh, de--de--deb, uh-- deborah-ment... - saint boobs or something. - deeb, uh... - boob... - apartment of sa... - boobs. - sata--satan. - whoa. [both chuckle] - beavis, this is the apartment of satan. do you know what this means? - uh, no. - we have died, and this is hell.

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