i had cake for lunch. no, you know what, i've been good. i deserve this. oh. [groaning] what am i doing? come on, deangelo. hey. no! uh-oh. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from chicago... the city named after that broadway musical... it is "the daily show"'s "indecision 2024:" the democratic national convention with your host, desi lydic! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic, and we are in chicago! [cheers and applause] oh, i love this city! i am seeing so many famous chicago places from movies and tv! i ate at the restaurant from "the bear"... [cheers and applause] i went to the museum from "ferris bueller"... [cheers and applause] and tonight after the show, i'm going to go rob the house from "home alone!" chicago's the best! [cheers and applause] but of course, we're here for the democratic national convention. and last night was so jam packed with speakers, that even music legend james taylor got bumped for time.

yeah. but good news: we've got him on our show tonight! [cheers and applause] yes. james taylor will be here! but first, let's get right into our coverage of "indecision 2024!" [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] it is day two of the dnc! all of the delegates are gathered from across the country to participate in this most hallowed and sober-minded democratic process. so let's go live with our own ronny chieng! [cheers and applause]

ronny, a lot of major players there tonight. who are you talking to on the ground? you got barack obama? bernie sanders? doug emhoff? >> no one, desi. no one would talk to me at all. it's like they're not even taking me seriously. >> desi: why do you think that is? >> it's pretty obvious. duh! racism. >> desi: yes, yes, definitely racism. thank you, ronny. ronny chieng, everyone! [cheers and applause] okay. that was immensely unhelpful. so let's go back to night one. last night was all about president joseph retirement biden. and everyone came forward to toast the man of the evening, including a surprise appearance from the woman who's been taking measurements in his office, kamala harris. >> and i want to kick us off by celebrating our incredible president, joe biden. we are forever grateful to you.

[cheers and applause] >> for president biden's lifetime of achievement, we owe him a great debt of gratitude. >> thank you to joe biden. >> thank you, joe. >> thank you, joe. >> thank you, joe, and god bless you. we love you. [crowd chanting "we love joe!"] >> desi: aww, that is so nice. even nancy pelosi was chanting "we love joe," and she's the one who pushed him out of the race! it's like the iceberg waving goodbye to the titanic. [cheers and applause] "bye! thanks for everything!" now before president biden came out to speak, we got to hear a powerful speech from hillary clinton. [cheers and applause] yes, hillary clinton, the former

secretary of state, and the reason you have a trauma response every time you hear "this is my fight song." she made a case for kamala harris while making the case against donald trump. although, there was one moment where she also sort of... became him? >> the first person to run for president with 34 felony convictions. as vice president -- [crowd chanting] as vice president, kamala sat in the situation room. [crowd chanting "lock him up"] [cheers and applause] >> desi: well, well, well. looks like the lock-them-up-ee has become the lock-them-upper. look at that smile. that's the smile of a woman going, "i get it now.

sometimes it feels good to be bad." [laughter and cheering] i thought hillary's whole speech was very moving. in fact, she killed it. although, it will be ruled a suicide. [cheers and applause] on the other hand, over in the right-wing media world, they had a major complaint. >> hillary clinton. she's the most joyless person i think was ever walked on this earth. that speech of just like her kind of, like, stalinist negative half screaming to the crowd. >> desi: come on. criticizing hillary for being joyless? why don't you go post a harambe meme on vine, you 2015 piece of shit!

[cheers and applause] but if conservatives hate hillary not smiling, i'm sure they'll love kamala, who was all smiles last night. >> kamala harris came out on the stage. all the laughing. it's like she got into the sherry or something. >> desi: come on, guys. hillary doesn't smile enough, kamala smiles too much. you know what? you don't get an opinion on this. okay? you get to control one hole on women's bodies, not two! and you picked one already! [cheers and applause] women can't win! this right here is exactly why i'm going to have that plastic surgery where they remove your mouth entirely. it's just easier. it's just easier. but let's move on, because remember, this is joe biden's night. and it's actually starting to get a bit late, so let's get to joe biden! >> please welcome former

rhode island governor gina raimondo. >> robert garcia. >> dick durbin. >> doris johnson. >> jesse jackson. >> tony goldwyn. >> steve kerr. >> shawn fain. >> in the words of the great american poet, nelly, "it's getting hot in here." [cheers and applause] >> desi: okay, yeah, i guess we had time for a dad bod strip tease. guys, it's really getting late now, so let's wrap up the other speakers and bring out joe! please welcome congressman jim clyburn. >> raphael warnock. >> kathy hochul. >> alexandria ocasio-cortez. >> jaime raskin. >> jasmine crockett. >> chris coons. >> and i want to talk with you for just a few minutes. [laughter and applause]

>> desi: jesus christ! is this still going on?? no disrespect to chris coons, but [bleep] chris coons. it's almost midnight! mama's got to get to bed. and you know who else has to get to bed? joe biden! for the love of god, let's hear from biden! >> please welcome ashley biden. >> desi: not that biden! it is 11:00. you can't be introducing new bidens right now! do we have to go through the whole family? is commander biden going to come out after this? [cheers and applause] it was so late by the time biden actually got on the stage, even the right-wing pundits were insulted. >> a sitting president pushed out of prime time. >> it was incredibly disrespectful. i mean, no matter your politics or how you feel about the current commander in chief, he is the current president of the united states. >> i almost felt badly for him. >> it was the ultimate slap in

the face. >> is this really how you treat someone that you love? i just think that's disgusting. >> desi: i'm sorry. i'm very confused here. do you guys hate him or not? "joe biden is a corrupt leader of a crime family who stole the presidency, and how dare they keep him up past his bedtime! the nerve!" the nerve!" [cheers and applause] but finally, joe biden took the stage at 11:26 eastern time. which is late, although i will remind the east coast media elites at fox news that there are other time zones. and i'm in one right now! [cheers and applause] i like it here.

now you might expect that by 11:26, joe biden would be coming to the stage in pajamas and an old-timey sleeping hat. instead, he gave his most high-energy performance in a long time. >> putin thought he would take kyiv in three days. three years later, ukraine is still free! [cheers and applause] china would inevitably surpass united states. they haven't noticed. no one is saying that now. he never built a damn thing. who in the hell does he think he is? who does he think he is? not worthy of being a commander-in-chief, period. not then, not now, and not ever. [cheers and applause] >> desi: woo! excuse me! is it getting hot in here? aside from bringing the energy,

he also brought all the feels. >> i've made a lot of mistakes in my career, but i gave my best to you. for 50 years, like many of you, i've given my heart and soul to our nation. and i've been blessed a million times in return with the support of the american people. but i hope you know how grateful i am to all of you. it's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. i love the job, but i love my country more. [cheers and applause] >> desi: this was one of joe biden's finest moments. he was forceful, he was selfless, he was patriotic. honestly, it almost made me wonder if maybe we should go

back and... jesus, nancy! i take it back. i take it back! for more on biden's big night, we go live to troy iwata! [cheers and applause] troy, after biden gave that great speech, do you think democrats might have any regrets? >> no. i mean, no! not at all. they appreciate everything joe biden has done for them, but they're also happy he's gone. and that's why i'm here at the greeting card store. i'm looking for something that says "we love you" while also saying "do not come back." nancy pelosi gave me $1,000 to buy one with just the right message. >> desi: wait, nancy pelosi gave you $1,000 to buy a card? >> yeah. she doesn't know how much things

cost. [cheers and applause] you know, also, i think she thinks i'm her assistant, steve. >> desi: what makes you think that? >> she keeps calling me steve. so anyways, here's one: it says: "thanks for the memories! and just to be clear, we're not going to make any new ones." or there is this one: "you've done so much for us... and we're all good now. thanks!" >> desi: wow, hallmark's making very specific cards. >> yeah. how about this one? it says: "don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened. but just to reiterate -- it's definitely over." >> desi: i don't know, troy, that seems kind of mean. >> yeah. well, here's one! "to my dear president, thank you for your years of service, but what i'm most grateful for is your statesmanlike surrender of power. you will be enshrined in the

history of our nation." [cheers and applause] >> desi: wow, yeah, that one is beautiful. it sounds perfect. >> yet, but it is in comic sans font, so... >> desi: troy, we need you back at the studio. so just pick a card. any card. >> desi: all right, calm down, david blaine. forget the cards. i'll do what i normally do to thank people, and just venmo him $20. >> desi: troy! nancy pelosi gave you $1,000! >> okay, fine. the best i can do is $25. >> desi: troy iwata, everybody! [cheers and applause] when we come back, the best [bleep] news team hits the convention floor. and coming up: the great james taylor! don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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happy-go-lucky attitude. so let's go talk to some left-wing nerds here at the dnc. every convention has a theme, and this year's democratic convention is all about the vibes. >> what is the vibes here at the convention? >> up to be at. >> sparkling. >> positive. >> i'm all about the motivating vibes. >> are you feeling electric? >> i do feel electric. >> i will shock you! it's a little electric. >> woo! >> what are the vibes? >> electric, top-tier. i went viral last week. >> for having good vibes? >> just walking down the street, there are people who have nothing to do with the dnc, nothing to do with a campaign, and they are talking about the campaign. it just feels like -- it feels like we are going to do this. >> oh, god, i feel so good. it's almost as if the democrats will not [bleep] this up. >> can you or member a time when the vibes were so high from a political event? >> no. >> not really, no. >> for me, it was when

patti labelle could not find her background singers at the 1996 -- >> yes! >> where my background singers? >> thank you. >> i am hoping for another one of that to happen here. >> let's do it together... ... >> where are my background singers! >> the vibes are great but should they be? the country is in serious trouble and we don't know how kamala it's going to fix any of it. maybe the democrats here will want the chance to drop the vibes and talk policy. >> manufacturing jobs may be disappearing. >> jobs are not disappearing. i don't know what you are reading. you are reading fox garbage? >> wow. okay, forget the policies, let's go back to the vibes. >> who do you think kamala should pick for the secretary of vibes? janet yellen? sabrina carpenter? >> ooh! sabrina carpenter. >> would you say vibes are more important our policy >> absolute the policy. >> i don't know if you understand politics. >> do you mind if i pop some of your vibrate now.

>> which one would you like? a patriotic one? >> besides, some of these nerds here, maybe we don't want to talk policy. >> sing it together. harmonize with me. >> vibes -- >> vibes -- >> we are going to get there. >> with joe biden and kamala's border policy? >> i really appreciate the way she spoke to it at a rally in atlanta. it's an economic issue. i know it's extremely important and i feel like she has put forward meaningful policies and republicans have shot them down. republicans are all about politics and red and blue but public policy major, i want to find solutions. we literally had a bell on the table and republicans said no. >> you are really killing my vibrate now. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> desi: when we come back, congresswoman lauren underwood will be joining me on the show, followed by a performance from james taylor. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: well, well, well. you got a lot of fans here. >> thank you. >> desi: thank you for being here. >> i am so excited! welcome to chicago! >> desi: well, thank you. it's great to be here. they love you, you know that? >> thank you! thank you! [cheers and applause] >> desi: as they should, as they should. you actually have a combined 18 pieces of legislation that were signed into law since you entered in 2018. >> that's right. [cheers and applause] >> desi: 18 is a lot, by the way. a lot. it's incredible. so many of them were health focused, health care, maternal health specifically. what inspired you to want to focus so much of your work on that? >> i had a good girlfriend die in 2017 after delivering birth to a beautiful baby girl. so i knew that when i decided to run for office, that

if won, this would be an issue that i wanted to work on. so in congress, i have been so honored to partner with great leaders, like then senator kamala harris, to introduce groundbreaking legislation, historic legislation called the momnibus, designed to address every clinical and nonclinical factor, contributing to preventable maternal death in this country. we have been successful. we had one of our bills signed into law. [cheers and applause] yes! >> desi: it is an issue that doesn't just impact women. people talk about these issues like these are women's issues. these are family issues. they impact everyone. >> if we want to make sure that we can all access to high-quality, comprehensive health care, including reproductive health care, we have to go vote. because by staying at home -- [cheers and applause] by staying at home, we are allowing the extremists to win and we know the path that they want to take us down. >> desi: speaking of extremists, j.d. vance --

>> yes. >> desi: [laughs] and others have been responsible for quite a bit of antiwoman rhetoric. >> yes. >> desi: what do you make of all this? >> you know, it is so clear to me that j.d. vance has a deeply rooted pathology when it comes to his hatred of women. [cheers and applause] i really hope he is going to therapy. i really do. it is so clear that he needs therapy. it is clear to me -- [cheers and applause] that, you know, we might laugh, but he does not belong in the white house. you know, i grew up -- now j.d. vance has told us about his dangerous, extreme policy agenda for american women and it is up to us to believe him right now and to reject it and to make sure that we go out and vote. [cheers and applause] >> desi: oh, my gosh, it is such

a delight to have you one. >> thank you so much. >> desi: thank you so much for all of the work you do. it is truly remarkable. >> thank you. [cheers and applause] >> desi: congresswoman lauren underwood! [cheers and applause] we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this with the one and only james taylor. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ with so many choices on booking.com there are so many tina feys i could be. so i hired body doubles. mountain climbing tina at a cabin. or tree climbing tina at a beach resort. nice! booking.com booking.yeah.

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." tomorrow night, your host will be jordan klepper. just a quick apology: we ran a little long tonight, so i'm afraid there's no time for james taylor. sorry, james, big fan! now here it is, your "moment of zen." [cheers and applause] >> you know what, let's just take in for it like a minute that sound check if we can. and then we will bring back our experts. can we do that, guys? ♪ ♪

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