a document in the tides in dallas during those really difficult times, my boat, myself arrangements for link. it's about to apply the spice and i called it my problem is on the spring and miss with it. so i promised myself that on that day, i wouldn't take my own life and didn't talk monday. miss nemo students, i still make that for almost every day. and that has a very special meaning for me is to give a thought to him for his disability. yeah, it's been my name associated that i'm 22 years old. yeah, and i still do psychology at mazda of university is inside of me every day i face lot decision leave. every day i choose life is to and i'm actually a very cheerful person. but if i had to describe myself in the policy, let's say i was someone suffering by the depression, it's amazing disorder as strongly as

i think i'm on the right tall, big or fenced in a long way to go. but i do believe i'm home. don't wright's office in the, the coming away from the, from yet does minutes. since i get to dollars when i was 16, when i had kind of come tax and i often didn't even realize that i was crossing myself. because as i've seen, that was a way for me to deal with my emotion, these including ones. i didn't want anyone to see what's on dish. we might have seen less than 1000000 self as might sound contribution of the behaviors. save my life. got them on this. i don't mean to say that it was right or a good way to deal with emotion would have just inside. it was 2 adults with the right away. this little to turn to someone on the, and in an emergency to go to a clinic of other months, solution cx is always up to be fine if you're choosing between the desk themselves,

home mumbles, and you know, hope out on the list for other people. if you took your own life and you draw the choose the option that can come where you might end up in hospital, but you're still alive. how many miles? and that's what i did. that's i was to most you might help. you can help chop to sophia, i didn't buy any. you can come fresh. do you have anything else you can put on it? otherwise we still have oh yeah, yeah. well good, really, this one here and then me lives here with 5 of the go. so it's a single person to part and we're like little family, very close. emily hughes. and i feel very comfortable here because there's always someone to talk to it. and i don't know much more. there's always someone that

you've faced of, i'm just really, it's just a nice feeling to have phone and just great people that lived with us. i'm one of us would like me to feel comfortable here. so you don't take that around. it literally says percentage to revise in a whole, we wanted to have a toast and we need some glasses please. oh, okay. first and for us to successful weekend to our while to the apartment looking the way it does again, in all the chaos we overlooked. the fact that sophia has been living here for a year to the apartments of food in beacons. glad you found your way here. thanks for letting me loose gloves as a fashion here. i'm going, sophia moved in here. she was already in a relatively good place for lots of good art vice cups. and otherwise,

i don't think she would have made the decision to move in with strangers so far away. so, you know, and make such a big legion to a completely new life for my husband, i'm a single shows on demand or kind of decisions you made down mess with some things you really wanted to do or, and we just reinforce digital, small prophetic, tom mazda of these, he'd already made that decision for herself, and we supported her the note on touch to me choosing life simply means i want to feel higher. i want to experience joy and the sadness, every thing. it's all part of life. so i can definitely start that in sylvia as a feel for you and fire. yeah, just as we typed in the country, i should also have the account when i was deep into my eating disorder on for me, guessing i don't have nothing disorder was about to choose online. specifically, i wanted to share of what i was going through. that's including the reviews that life goes on to that nice the way i want it and other people i to hear about 2 months of payments. but this, i know the most of all the consumer wants to know anyone who they believe the couch

in the next 2 weeks from an excel. larry, send me a line, live on a quick. well, i think it would be cool to live alone. just felt like this, i know i'll be able to do is at some point right now i feel a bit too insecure of this. you know, there's also to you do have to try to use it online, but i'm always on a bit of a tight road. so i wonder, what should i try? what am i capable of the tone? when should i believe i myself and what is the deal too dangerous status of a surprise? i know i'll get the stuff i will be able to live in the top is possible kind the best as much. is the toughest positive. i think i was like, you know, what's in the next for 11 and a half months. so about a year. i always wanted to come across as perfect that i had a public prolong. if not everything was great. and that was destroyed by the fact

that i ended up in the clinic meeting account. it's got kind of extended when i was deep into my eating disorder. there wasn't a 2nd in my life that i was free of it. i was constantly thinking about it dominantly did i? oh, i couldn't stop back. i would not all you awake at night thinking about food as would it be felt like everything happened sprinkled with corey's father. instead of asking some gift was playing a good nose on the same goes for depression, and he's when it takes over everything in your life when last a face to face. and you can no longer enjoy a move and feel fulfilled. you feel like a shell, a food fruits, and then when that's the case, it makes complete sense to things like, okay, that's nothing makes. it has been, this is where i'm getting my 1st talk to today and it's going to be the lessons m c l 5th for the 1st time instead of me choosing my life, which also ties into the,

into the challenge with i'm saying, oh, okay. so you know, high res, you ok is madeline called me. yeah, you can see that. okay, if it is right, the left is m c l lowercase it is on august, august fever. hm. okay. okay. what size also can be fine. mm hm. which by the tosh, i just have it as, as far as the release, those are coming out. it's about 9 months. again, i was scared or the beginning and she came on this question because one of the seems to turn off was mom and i was conscious of my arms and legs and i'll find time for doctors, you know, within 2 or 3 months of doing it every day it's changed, can i present low cost the end of the $5.00 to nominate? people see the scholars have been not the home. and then the, on my mind, anybody,

i maybe want to hours have some mustang of political subscripts as well as elizabeth bits of them heard of don't. and i couldn't look at myself in the mirror for a while and because i hated myself as best as phone and you'll all have scholars for the rest of my life. my god. when i have children, all the, the mom with the sick on. so it's an outline what as far as the interview and i was going in and, and feeling this isn't the healthy part of me, doesn't want to have the skills and does he want to identify with that part of it or the other paul to absolutely wants to have the calls and one by the identify with them that both of my thoughts as me and i showed with these questions. it's crazy look. that's how this forever we're creating your to, to and we can make small lines for okay. well, it was easy move assumption, moments of realization as standing here and can proudly say,

so i've chosen life. so that starts with i'm gonna lose it myself. i never would, i be able to guess attached to because i never thought i wouldn't get it to this phone so you can get out to these like condos, which i've done to, to help them kind of still your, those the also listen here. my heart is racing and i'm shaking a bit off. i'm nervous just because a lot of happiness here that has negative association as well. yeah. and we've got to, you've also been the lo darling while ago this time. so what i meant by, you know, the worst moment was here in the clinic. when you have the address is, you know, there, i say, i saw my god, how emaciated you were in the veins. everything was blue, they couldn't take your blood vain. and so alice plow, you haven't got it, dick, i can pull it up there, but yeah, i have to pump pension the toes up because of the blood had retreated them to your

torso. so with that, so your body within this narrative emergency alarm system, because after that i really light on coming here. i just couldn't hear gunning cool . you have a say. yeah, exactly you. it was like okay, usually slaves now. so for me it was how you started you take and quit typing. no, i don't take as if i don't you don't know something else and i'm yeah, my dad was also diagnosed and depression some time ago. the are close to to sign type when you saw part of myself and car. so what i saw how withdrawn g, look, we've got this up as can knew what that feels like with me. i'd hope that wouldn't affect her, but when it hit her, it would not be able to me. i'd zip off. i mean there's always guns cuz i have you spoken to the doctor about that like we have it. we have an appointment. sonya we've been isn't what are you okay to look at some stuff that might come up for you about them into this moment? yes, i know that all the time, 1030 is also the as is, well i don't take anything else so we don't sleep as much that one by i was down the road a of the on the other side just i'm glad you mean the ground floor you have to show

long has been a while to thank god for years ago. this is because i feel yeah, as i said, the feels good. we're good. good. is confusing shipping for me to have someone look feels good. sorry. no, that's okay. what's the season? what can i say? it's the way it is expensive, i'm down, it's good. it's launched in my oven. there used to be a certain amount around having difficulties. and so if you feel about it on social media, i'm going to, i'm not doing all the different generation on, on those of what has also been a shift and that is id and social awareness. so when i say topic has become socially acceptable done and, and emissions about discussing it have dropped significantly on team about the status of the mtv to talk about. so even if it's the same type, so or no, yes, yeah. let me just happens. it's been a good thing for me to if i could finally let go and talked about it last lesson. what i mean by them was able to cut some about 5 minutes out of one o'clock's job.

but what sort of comments kind of do? because i skipped so concepts can see this is what having a completely different conversations now, both squared and alone. and so that's one relationship with each other, fuels and the government started doing but had to hold at some point just feeling so alone for so long. if there was so many people out there who feel the same way and i wanted to share of what i was going through, include things like life that life goes on fights. i guess it's such a serious where there's nothing for me to get myself to know drawings and oh my gosh, there's lots of times, but i wanted to share my experiences. i wanted other people to hear that be comfortable. the feedback i go from this account was so encouraging that then i stopped posting for one thing i started to feel people expected me to perform. i heard us on fossil. no one gave me that feeling on that post most. it was pressure,

i put it on myself, the english mentioned doc teacher games and then just went to the old of those adults because i realized i have to go with the cost of my boss and backed up does . he didn't time and i think i had a little just felt right, was to close that chapter of my life if we just move on of this into the real value in ingle opposite reason and just sort of assuming that the item that i thought i'd just leave the search find i didn't really want to go to entire skin of i to in my mind all to them therapy was something and the crazy people have to tell that it's and, and when i was a message with a shot, i was immediately assigned to a therapist and he liked off now and i soon became a great for, for the session cost. i tried to co operate the buffers, tell people come up and how for example, i always write down everything that we discussed on thursday of each month. so that

i wouldn't forget to, especially i kept thinking about this thing on rice in developmental finance. when i wrote an incredible amount in my diary during that time, that side it's done. and then i would say it's good for the election. yeah. it has a little tough here therapy, so i'm going to because of my healing personal items portez, one of the most imposing ty would either be maybe not the most important. one of the last i go to the 600 we went for so many walks and we'd always donaldson and take a look back. leave went home to look at those. those 2 stuff was nicer to look back and it's important to remember everything that just happened and everything you've already most time to talk to you the other. my husband and what she did, she, sophia, assigned to sophia, is someone who likes to laugh away. her difficulties,

i didn't think she was smiling when i 1st met her and to me. so here there was something looking beneath the surface in touch with, i'm the looks of this philosophy and i were always on an west to be searching for the right words and to express how she was feeling a defence this guys and i was clicking took over time she became a master and outside of the show. i know my stuff and i always say it's like in the danverse thing. so our river starting to flow to withdraw him and his force and flu standards please him to come with an ongoing craft. and then came bernard guns, then i became bender of lou, the bad, the hanging around the phone sitting down with a full, full level the splash image of depression, even close to a huge dog lying on your chest or 6. yes, exactly. and then you rock isn't commands like zip down and stay. yeah. yeah, yeah, that's right. the system and vice enough to have to stop and you have that other

character when you have the eating disorder. so i think we're gonna call this the calorie count or howard they're kind of you know, okay, now that kind of being said that i said that you remember the line, my cousin just put the paper type and he did. oh yeah. and so on, move on, we set up a kind of early warning system to allow saffir to recognize when it's getting dark and cold again, we've done decades to counteract that with the help of therapy position in terms of partition context. see these days, hoyt, she has much more resilience, decision spending come her slightly different mind citizens under the full vows that songs you have towards just come to know that even the deepest emotional events because it is very difficult situations can be overcome. but the hand experience that no one can take away from her and it's something she now shares

with others is tied cl from it. and then we have all thomas, once we do not find the ones, it would be like if i became a 3rd person to you and she always said that we could do it together. something really touching me. that's huffmans, you'll see i've it'll still so it isn't in my mind because she buys to me when i didn't believe it myself. so told you i'm super sick and she said we do it some day and now here i am studying. so i don't want to do is crazy because it costs the pharmacy nowadays i look forward to coming home. it's also nice that i can be this happy again, because for awhile it was difficult for me to come home because it had nothing to do with my family and it was my room. so like then when i was feeling that i was usually altering my room this last month to month. yeah. and so

even if so if i have my 1st sounds of depression, when i was 11, no 12 and solve what stopped me. humming myself, this was the only as a light switch in disorder, it's up to this taught and then so fun in replacement using disorder i was just was i always needed something like a mechanism to deal with what was going on and the side of the feeling is that sense of emptiness in the, in the so the and then they call sophia, by months they often use the field was always a very bright child. she wasn't afraid to because she would try anything. she had friends, she did well at school. hope she enjoyed her hobbies all. i took the mocked when the shop, i've often wondered how we could have some thought if it's something was wrong. that's an issue. i asked for many times if she was okay us on this board,

so fee for bed. i would go to the mines to mountain top estate always say, or guess mom, everything's fine. yeah. yeah. moment i was reassured or to get into the fleeting, but you constantly reproach yourself for having overlooks. i'm saying this for bill, for this one of us about saying what, i don't know why doesn't tell you have to do this since the last guy was a fall called i made chocolate rose yesterday. have to on the i was afraid for her life as well. as getting pulled the rug out from under my feet. convicted so yeah, i was scared for her. i'm so scared to death. so yeah, you love it when i do this for your birthdays. so that is why we did this. you. why, since you didn't want anything, you weren't there to protect the whois. i'm sure i don't know whether i want to modify this my go,

your son little bag. can you to the to the is it helps with it this? yeah. just to, to have somebody. yes. so it is, i say to them my family and friends, i wouldn't be here anymore. they i'm speaking. yes. hi, lindsey it's left a makes me happy every time she lives now because it's not something i take for granted. that's awesome. i'll be the shooting. always nice to see are in a good mood. i'm gonna have to have a good time together i time because i just wasn't possible before about some dispute. so we lived together and our relationship keeps getting better and stronger. i'm very grateful. i'm just gonna use my bitch don't shop you in the com . so i have a card hanging here that says everything will be good in the end. and if it's not good yet, and it's not yet. and as i keep telling myself to do with things as they come to always move forward from, it's going to support her and give her what she needs to investigate, but also to step back food and stay out of it. when she doesn't need to finish the boxes on the list for funding to are from

the hi, how are you? good. you know the coffee over the by that french one could hear me. yeah. you have the blanket. right . that, you know? yeah. good. his heart was worried, we didn't have one. we excuse either mind that maxime is one of my best friends and one of the most important people in my life of the and 5, we've been close for a very long time now. almost 10 years a. yeah, i'm very grateful for this is this, the cell phone is is in line because when things are bad, i might possibly talk to her about because it was difficult because we have to

continue to choose life and time because it has to be an active decision every day as the and i didn't really feel that my wife was was living in canada. but i had to make the decision that i wanted to the success of those. that super difficult. it's super, she's a, if we'd spend a day back then like to the some driving to this me having i'm taking a toll king. las vegas is maybe playing pallets or something you the time would've been 9 costumes. peter as a full service of and wouldn't have given mean anywhere near the energy assistance for life and how that i feel right now and then slide onto the part is just kind of screw. 2 this and send you the comments lovely on things, but single. let me know for me. mm hm. well monday, when should they go to maybe launch it for existing is low cost, but as i'm crazy, just 4 years ago, i would have nothing on the slow months, oil on them, and now i don't have to get new muscle use of synchronized. so i thought that too

much these young are so nice and most also look like i'm does, i'm happy to the old a different issue. it's just something here. i don't even have to think about them . and that way you know what i'm so sure. as long as i remember the 1st time i was in hospital with you, what did you have to like to get some of those uh for a levels of miss not just use it was a far as i remember sitting there thinking sophia just opened them spinning as well as just to pieces, at least for them, so they don't get upset. i'm just thinking of that. i just couldn't do it. we just knew you always have for the small things like that was the crazy dining rooms that it makes it all the nicer that we can be here now. but it's no longer in issues. the scripts we can just sit here, eat together the carefree, and so i'm so grateful to help us here's to keeping it that way, keeping it that way too. well, let's do sophia. now she's still much stronger than she used to be dead. stop. i think at some point she discovered the fighter within her head that you can really

see that. let me take money that's from just push the start off. that's it. i'm not moving my. my board was a huge, locked out of these and slips and you see, i mean, she's so strong, the star full of life now obviously go to swat. the hope shall always be able to draw on the fighting spirit within her and us, off and made and when times change and things get worse flushed of it, this is it. i hope she keeps it with her. the studies went wrong and darryl, to keep asking for help, bye to him, even when she knows she could do it by yourself of words. i shall steps cuz i want her to be and remain happy life. i want her to fulfill her dreams and i want her to come out of all of this feeling stronger the extinguished kolscott, the type of coverage for. so i don't think you can imagine if you haven't experienced this placement of how on the match level. it is to see yourself in the future sitting somewhere. nothing has trudy being in the movement enjoying the day and not

thinking for guy don't feel anything. this doesn't smoke anything. i mean the scottish scenarios today. i can say that i feel single so deeply and i'm ever so grateful for things. i never thought this day would come to a tech come that's. that's why i'm convinced that absolutely convinced. i'm on the right and con, mostly sign. alright. the of the

knowledge, thousands of years. what's kinda tell us about our future to new fans is one of the earliest known sam's using researchers are able to reconstruct a parcel of fragments and record time. what secrets do these ancient documents review tomorrow today? next on dw, the,

we are all set and we'll talk soon closely for him to bring you the story behind the news. we wrote about unbiased informations before, we might get ready for any exciting auburn toyota. look surprised. hi, irish. and i'm ready to dive into the hands of human to do you have you have a one to talk to me before you can respond and unexpected side supplies in this, the shadows of these pod costs and he has head lice. and the dog is devastating. colonial har is infected by germany across and he employed discourses good

farms and destroy side. what is the legacy of this wide spread races, depression, today? history. we need to talk about here, the stories, shadows of german colonialism. the thought to these structures having coleman exactly that rule made of clay for thousands of years, people built the homes from natural materials, found floods, find construction with a sustainable and efficient and it's the right technique for use. these buildings can even withstand of quakes. how you go about making them exactly as a nearly forgotten research, as an architect, i know, thinking about the role ancient building techniques took place in the modern world that and all the efforts to decipher the secrets of.