mostly boys and girls succeed in adolescence, and the reasons here are very different: conflicts in the family, not enough, or vice versa, excessive attention from parents, bullying at school, unfortunately, violence, or the banal search for adventure, independence and freedom. the children's search service has prepared a series of advice for parents from a psychologist about the first things you should do to prevent a child from running away from home. one of these tips is the parents' respect for the child. show respect for the child's personality, his personal space, and his belongings. often we do not notice how our children are growing up, and what was normal in behavior with a small child is completely unacceptable in behavior with a teenager, for example, and we can't go into the room of the teenager without knocking, even more so, we can't go into the bathroom when he is there, you can't rummage through his personal things without permission, you can't read his correspondence, it all violates his privacy, violates boundaries. makes him feel insecure and

prompts him to run away, prompts him to seek safe places somewhere outside the home, do we need that? hence, building healthy relationships between parents and child. the child should have his own space, where parents should not interfere without consent. and most importantly, respect in adolescence is extremely important. we 've created a resource where you can. report any crime against a child in any city, at any time, just go to the site and report, and we will launch all possible mechanisms to punish the criminal. stopcrime ua. there are discounts represented by coco may discounts on dolgid cream 150 g 20. in

the pharmacies plantain bam and ochad there are discounts represented by coco may discounts on eden 20% plantain bam and oskad are available in pharmacies. vasyl zima's big broadcast. this is the great ether, my name is vasyl zima, and we are starting. two hours of airtime, two hours of your time. we will discuss many important topics today. two hours to learn about the war, right now we will talk more about the war, serhiy zgurets is with us, and how the world is, now yuriy fizar will talk in more detail about what happened in the world, yuriy, good evening, please have a word , two hours to keep up with economic news, time to talk about money, during the war oleksandr morchivka is with us, oleksandr, congratulations, please, and sports news, a review of sports events from yevhen pastukhov, two hours in the company of favorite presenters, thank you very much elinia chechenna for information about cultural news, presenters that many have become morons. natalka

didenko is already ready to tell us about the weather on the day of her arrival, as well as the distinguished guests of the studio, andrii parubiy, people's deputy of ukraine, who was also the chairman of the verkhovna rada of ukraine. events of the day in two hours. big vasyl zima's broadcast, a project for intelligent and caring people. espresso in the evening. events, events that are happening right now and affect our lives. of course, the news feed reports about them, but it is not enough to know what is happening, one must understand it. antin borkovskii and invited experts soberly assess the events, analyze them, modeling our future. every saturday at 13:10 with a repeat at 22:00. studio zahid with anton borkovsky at espresso.

hello, this is svoboda ranok, an informational project of radio svoboda, top guests every day, this is the shipping district, kherson, live inclusion, we are somewhere in the vicinity of bakhmut, we tell the main thing, on weekdays at 9:00.

hello everyone, my name is solomiya chuba and today i invite you to my author's program. "i hear you, i have such a tradition, i invite everyone to my therapeutic balcony at home, overlooking the forest, where we can drink fragrant coffee or tea and talk about what hurts us, and today

i would like to you to talk about the topic of dodgers and feelings of guilt, and i think that today you will hear about why we despise dodgers, who are dodgers and in general, whether you need to feel guilty when you, for example, went abroad, there is a war in your country, and in general, should you attack cheaters, and how is it possible to give such advice to people who have lost someone in the war, and there is a cheater among you, like deal with it? what to do with it today i invited pavlo dzikovsky, a psychotherapist in the direction of psychoanalysis, a clinical psychologist, to my studio. and we will talk about a topic that, in principle, it seems to me, has become quite painful, and in general, already in ukraine and abroad

dodge and guilt. i would like to start with the question of what, what, who can be called dodgers and... is it really hurting ukrainians so much now? well, our whole society, we are all in the reality of war. and the reality of war is completely different from the reality of peace. our, for the most part, our peaceful life ended in 22. well, for many it ended even earlier, but it ended actually in the year 14, and we are... a society that is at war, and for us the question of war is a question of our survival, it the question that generally forms for us the basis of our experiences, the basis of our thoughts, and

accordingly, based on the reality of the war, it is the case that the male, mostly male... of our society, it has, so to speak, divided into two categories , this is so, this is a fact: on those who are actively involved in the war, on those who fight, on those who help, on those who provide, and on those who are not very actively involved in it, for those who wait until it's all over, for those who, well, don't think so, or, well, aren't ready engage' to get involved in our so-and-so business and these are very different people, and formally we can call those who evade the draft, avoid going to war, that is, when

the summons came to them, and they, for example, ran away did they not take it there, and several of those summonses have already arrived there, in principle we can call them evaders, well, i think that from the point of view it is like... but from the point of view of forces they are trying to avoid mobilization, that is, those who there they decide that there is an urgent need for such a psychological, probably people who are all you have to write a dissertation, and either they mention their illnesses, or they have, excuse me, a third child, or they have a third child, or they fall in love with disabled people of the first or second group, yes, there are such, i didn’t know about it, well, now it is, as if they say that women and disabled people. in fact, in fact, we can tentatively call those people evaders, but i have another question, i am interested in those who managed to escape on february 24, before the borders were closed

, there were a lot of people, you know, especially from western ukraine, who crossed on the 24th until the borders are closed or do they also think? okhlyaants, then there are a lot of summonses hanging in their homes, and they don't come back here, or you can call them too, well, i think so, that is, they. those people who left before the war, clearly before the war, those people who knew that the war was coming, and those people who chose for themselves the path of leaving, and they know that there are calls for people to return and somehow, fulfill their duty, if they don't do it, well, formally we can call them dodgers, but again, i want to emphasize that i'm a psychotherapist, i'm a psychoanalyst, and it's so important to me... this label that we hang, calling it dodgers, how important the

meanings that we put into this concept, the meanings that are and for those people whom we call holyants, and for our society, and in general, what do we mean by that word, because actually we are what i wanted in this program, and that we simply understand them, and that we do not put it a stigma, such stamps, and... and just to understand, and so that they, too, could be heard. again, in i have a lot of friends who managed to cross the border on the 24th, or, for example, were abroad and never returned. i know that they are in a very severe depression there, for example, they are torn apart by this, the family, or to be a family, and the wife says, you have a child, or you have several children, i will not be there, you know pulling only on myself, and... as far as i know, those men are from my environment, they, for example, could not find themselves abroad,

in general, it's simple, and they cry, sometimes i came to them there, and they just cried, but for example, there is a wife who very clearly keeps them there and says, no, i will not give you there, because you have a small child, because you have a duty, yes, but the husband has a sense of this duty, that he this feeling of guilt arises in him that here... they are fighting, plus it seems to me that there is such a thing, we are very heroic, and the military now, especially, well , they are real for us, i don’t know, cyborgs, all of them supermen, and he does not feel it, as, as then, for example, now let's touch a little, how to be with this, how should they be there with this, and so that we understand them, and these posts, which are there on facebook, on tik tok, on twitter, oh you are there. you're sitting abroad, and mine is here fighting, and these accusations, they are even more and

reinforce this feeling of guilt, uh, you know, maybe before going into the direct, like, on that topic, evasion and, as we called it, i would i would like to say two more words about the context, about the context of the war and what is that war in general, we, for the most part, all of us were born in the post-war period after. world war ii, and we were generally formed, grew up in enough of this, in enough of that a peaceful period, and when it seemed to us that this peace would last forever, that it was in such hothouse conditions, in such a comfortable, such a post-war world, such a slightly postmodern world with such liberal values, with tolerance, with the values ​​of self-realization, with the value of... freedom of choice, and it's as if we're used to living in this reality, and that reality works well,

but it works well when, that psychological reality, when everything is fine, when, when, as if survival values ​​are not actualized, but when are updated survival values, when war begins, it is a completely different psychological reality, it is a challenge, it is an existential challenge, war is something that does not ask us, that is not asked, our permission, it is not asked about our attitude, it is a certain a fact that life throws us into. it is a little, you know, it resonates a little with such, with such, with such an existential approach, such philosophers, existentialists, yes, who generally believe that our whole life is a challenge, we find ourselves, we are thrown into this life, and nothing good awaits us that life, there at the end of that life, and and so this is a challenge that we must accept, and war is a challenge that

each of us must respond to, this is a certain price that we all have to pay, and everyone pays their price, some lose their homes, some lose their loved ones, someone goes to war, and accordingly, well, he loses some of his comfort, well, he also loses almost everything. the risk of losing one's life and as if in this reality of war, someone does not accept it, for someone it is scary, someone is not ready. and he becomes what we call dodgers, but dodgers pay their price too, and that price is shame, that's guilt, well, if we 're talking about people who, who have some kind of that, if we're talking about some people like that, rather some such, well, one hundred percent narcissistic structure or such a structure so sociopathic, then everything is the same for them, they,

they do not have a sense of guilt, they do not have such a tormented conscience. yes, if everything were equal to them, it doesn’t matter to them, but people who, well, conventionally speaking, if such neurotic structures are such, then they pay that price, and this feeling of guilt, this shame, this depression is the price they pay for the war, and we have to understand this in reality, that they also pay some kind of price, not only can we there to say, oh, you're so handsome, but on the other hand, i might not talk like that now. i understand that you call for tolerance, i do not call for tolerance, it is possible to say, i may say such things, such may be such, are we ready, such is not really the point that if we as a community, we as a society, we are in such an extreme situation, in a situation of survival, and it is clear that in this reality society respects more those who

go to give their lives for the survival of that society and... it's nice that, that's society reacts quite negatively to those people who, by the way, i'm wondering if it's that, so ukrainians have the right values, it turns out yes, these are the values ​​of survival, and they, we can generally say right, wrong, or here in this context we can't do it use, does it simply not exist, i would not evaluate it from the position of right, wrong, we do, and in our psychoanalytical approach, we simply try to understand what is, we do not try to stretch well, the reality in which we are, under certain, under certain patterns and under a certain assessment, whether it is right or wrong, this is what i see in our society, and this is what i i feel the same way, because i am a man, and i am here, and in addition to the fact that i speak from the position

of a psychotherapist, i also speak as, as a man from the position of a man who is not currently at the front. and how did you also have this feeling of guilt, how did you cope with it, was it not there, i’m a living person, yes, well, i’m curious, it was too, and how did you, for example, cope with it, or maybe some advice , how to deal with it, what to do at this moment, you know, we are the concept of guilt, and there is the concept of guilt and... we in psychotherapy consider such a neurotic feeling of guilt, when i feel myself guilty there in front of everyone, in front of everyone, there, i don't know, in front of other people, there, if i say no to someone, then i feel guilty, but, well, this is such a neurotic feeling of guilt, yes, and this, this is considered something that prevents me from living, but there is

still the concept of some such existential guilt, when i did something, but did not do something did when there, i don't know, i walk by the river and see a child drowning there, i got scared, i didn't save her, and the child drowned, well, it's like i didn't formally do anything, but i will live with that sense of rightness, and i will live with tim, but it's not just my neurotic sense of guilt, it's real existential guilt, uh, and it's the wound that, it's the if those who fight, they pay with their rings, they pay with their lives, they pay with their ptsd, ptsd, and their families. that guilt, they continue to live with that guilt, and with such, perhaps, contempt in society, this is such a reality, it is so, i would generally like to talk to you

about my contempt, today i also have a father. my son alexis, he used to have a lot, we had a lot of weapons at home, a jeep, and he used to go to the mountains a lot, that’s all, he was such a hero there, he shot birds, and then she came war, and he was called up for this war, and he did not go, and he did not take the little one with him, since we are separated, and i asked, i say, take oleksa with you, at least for a little bit, and... i am asking you very much and, because i couldn't cope either, and so from the first full-scale invasion , i went very deep into volunteering, went to the boys for... two, that is, i helped as much as i could, but i don't know, i had such a simple need , i somehow understood that it was possible if i didn’t have oleksa, well, with his asperger’s syndrome and with special features, i

sure, probably, well, something would be there, uh, maybe, i don't know, although i'm a very comfortable person, and i remember my simple feeling of wild contempt for the father of my child, i couldn't... cope with him at all , that is, it haunted me, this contempt, and i just didn't know what to do with it, how can i deal with it, we have to deal with it, i say, you have to heal me, maybe, maybe you will heal me in 15 minutes, as i it is also possible for other people to cope with this feeling of contempt for a person, by the way, to the people we saw who were such machomen, and who shot there, who went hunting. who, i don't know, were ready to hit, excuse me, everyone's faces, well, you know, there are those, here they are, and they played dances, played airplanes, they were like that, i remember how

one of my acquaintances, he time conquered the world, so virtual, fought, captured lands, here comes a real war and everything, a person hides, instead of a person his wife or girlfriend goes to the store there, and he is even afraid... to go somewhere and even with his own as a child and does not go to his parents there for easter and christmas, what should we do , what should we do with that feeling of contempt, well, you know, the question here is what should i do with my feeling, so eh, well, of course, we can’t do that person, you know, ugh, but just like we can’t do that person, we can’t do it, so we can’t do it ourselves either, so, you know, so on... everyone is very i would like to control my emotions, my experiences and set myself positive experiences and not have negative ones, but at least our approach, psychodynamic,

the psychoanalytical approach says that we don't have power over our own feelings, seriously, i thought i had power, no, my god, you're shocking me today, it's just that we too, you know, a person is a whole, a whole being, we have sense. we have our emotions, we have our body, we have our needs, we have our social life, and when we say i need to do something with myself, it's like one part of us wants to do something else with another part us, as if we are divided in ourselves, but you know, in psychology sometimes they work the same laws that work in physics, that is , the force of action is equal to the force of opposition, the more we want to do something with ourselves, extinguish. some feelings, to change them, to throw them out of ourselves, the more the part of us that we want to get rid of is gaining weight, by the way, i felt it in myself, the more, i tried, well, since we, most of

us , well, i, for example, there are christians, but i understood that we are all god-lovers, and, that is, that i have no business in principle somewhere to disrespect, this, i had the greatest pain that i conveyed this disrespect on that and to my son, but thank god that my son has been going to a psychotherapist since he was three years old, since he was three years old, he says: mom, my relationship with my dad and my relationship with my dad is my relationship with my dad, your emotions, i need to go to a psychologist, because i was just torn at one point, but it was so interesting with myself, you know, this struggle with myself was, and i think that many people have it now, but you said here the key phrase now, like how you. you gave up on it, you let it go, i let it go, you stopped it to control and that's probably the only thing we can do with our emotions, i 'm not talking about showing emotions now, i mean if i

feel people, that doesn't mean i have to go and punch somebody there, yeah, but if i feel people are there or contempt or shame or guilt, i have nothing to do with it, i have to give it space and let it go, if it comes, then it is me, it is a part of me, let it be. that is, to allow this feeling in principle to be, i feel this way, i'm real, i said, but i feel disrespect, listen, i don't respect, i don't know what to do with it, uh, here i have another question for you, what should men do who, for example, were abroad, had a bad time there, fell into a deep depression, started taking antidepressants, thought they would come here, they are here... it will get easier, but it didn't get easier for them, that is, they are further, you know, we will not look at depression there now, because it will be a separate topic of our some kind of, i don't know podcast, actually about how they

can cope now, they got here during these shellings, but then they don't do anything, that is , they don't volunteer, antidepressants, you can't take forever, and what should they do, a healthy man who used to go skiing there, who used to go to the mountains, everything is fine with him, but psychologically he cannot cope with what he is, and he says, for example, or well there were several, i'm just scared, i'm scared to go to the front. but here i also feel bad, what to do in such a case, to do something, to do something, what if, if a person is afraid to go to the front, he can go to volunteer, he can give most of the money there for some volunteer needs, yes , but as from depression, because we know, well, i was clinically depressed, i remember just my god, oh my god, another new day, i don't want to see anything, i don't want to

just live, and also... these news, and here everyone on looks at you, and this person there does not even see anyone, does not meet, that is , does not build his life at all, he just kind of froze, and maybe this is the dying of this waiting, how about this, how in general, how to include this person, you know, this click, uh, uh, you know, you now too, you, you now said the key phrase, you said clinical depression, uh, if we're dealing with clinical depression, when a person really can't get up. when a person can't do anything, when he is paralyzed, when his will is paralyzed, when he is in such a really depressed state, that person can't do anything, just as the close and relatives of that person can't do anything, here the help of a psychiatrist can be and a psychotherapist, that is, in principle, we can advise this friend or, i don’t know, there is someone from our family there, just advise to turn to such a person... when we

we are talking about clinical depression, clinical depression, it is treated with medication and psychotherapy. and how in general, are there any, i don’t know, opportunities to overcome this fear, and well, i know that go into your fear, we all say, but go into yours, it’s very fashionable now, go into your fear, well how , how to go into your own, well, go into your fear, go, go into your fear, it's scary, how it is to go into your fear, go into your fear, it's scary, i know, it's just me today. even this author's podcast, author's podcast, i went into my own fear, i know what it's like to go into my own fear, to go into my own there is fear to do something, and you are afraid to say, yes, i have a son with autism, and to go in fear, or to say, i did not manage, there i divorced, i went in fear, well, they said that i am very crazy, but here is the question , and if someone is not like that, well, you have to have a character like yours, but here, here again, here...

again, life presents us with a choice, we have fear, and if we retreat under the influence that fear, we will pay for it, we will pay with shame, we will pay with the collapse of our self-esteem, because we backslid, that is, if we don't go and in this somewhere fear, we don't become brave, there is always this, we pay, yes, we pay, and here, ugh. here you can't not pay, it's as if the question is how not to get scared and not pay, but it won't work, ugh, because it's like we live, we pay for it with death, we love, we often pay for it with pain, oh, i don't know that, because i already talked to you about this topic, about pain and love, okay, i'm next, can i

invite you to this program about love? this is very interesting, i will write it down because...