>> no. >> the great ivanka trump doing that. i think we like her a lot. no, but can you imagine eric, don, the concept is incredible. he is getting a half million a painting and nobody can even check it. they haven't really checked it. i hear the numbers are staggering. >> unfortunately that's all the time we have left this evening. as always, thank you for being with us. please set your dvr so you never, ever miss an episode of "hannity." next week, live audience shows wednesday and thursday. tickets are free. hannity.com is where you get it. meantime, let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld a smile on your face this friday night. have a great weekend.

[ cheers and applause ] >> kat: i'm kat timpf in for greg gutfield. it is friday. you know what that means. let's welcome tonight's guests. in his free time he enjoys reading, cooking, burning villages with his cult. fox news contributor tom shillue. she won't shoot off her mouth, she follows gun safety rules. fox news contributor katie pavlich. hip material makes audiences think this man is not well. actor and comedian scott capurro. and he looks like every guy ever inside your local cigar lounge, tv writer and producer rob long.

okay. before we get to some news stories, let's do this. >> greg's leftovers. mmm. >> kat: time for leftovers, i read the jokes we used this week. like greg, it is my first time reading these. let's go. last week, new york representative george santos was expelled from congress. george taste says he plans to r to new york where he lives with his roommates, elvis and big foot, because he lies. in an interview with rachel maddow former gop congresswoman liz cheney says the two of them sitting down to talk showed americans facing a five alarm fire. here's a warning, rachel. never sit next to a cheney after they say fire.

he shot a man. okay. former speaker kevin mccarthy announced he will resign his house seat at the end of december. he said he is looking forward to spending more time with his family, currently in their 15th vote to sdecide if they'll accet him. in his new memoir, mike the situation sorrentino said he slept with a minimum of three women a night at the height of jersey shore fame. i am as shocked as you are that he wrote a book. a 50-year-old canadian man identifying as a teenage girl reportedly competed in a swim competition last week. concerned parents were told not to worry as the more time he spent in the water, the smaller his penis would be. an ohio lawyer has been

suspended after he threw a poop filled pringle's can out a window, or as greg calls it, a great way to spend a day off. and finally, doctors say although it is rare, it is possible to die from laughter. wait, seriously? said one woman. thank you. that feels good. now to the news. he loves snorting lines but didn't submit his w-9s. hunter biden was indicted on nine new charges, three of which were felonious, not to be confused with his favorite word fellatio. charges stem from taxi aggravation scheme where he dodged paying at least $1.4 million in taxes while living the high life. literally, high during his life. so where did all that money go

other than up his nose? nearly 400,000 for clothing and accessories, which is weird. seems like he hardly ever wears clothes. nearly 900 grand to adult entertainment and, quote, various women. which i'm going to go on a limb say wasn't for dave and buster's or a battered woman's shelter. the indictment says he falsely identified personal expenses as business deductions and allegedly claimed money paid to sexually romantic partners were wages in order to reduce his tax burden. and if he's convicted on all counts, he faces maximum penalty of 17 years behind bars. if he does end up doing time, he'll find out the big guy means something very different in prison. [ laughter ] all right. so katie, this is tough for me. he broke the law, but i don't believe in taxes.

i also believe in your right to bear arms, the second amendment. joe doesn't feel that way about those things. >> joe likes people to pay their fair share. hunter biden didn't pay any of his taxes. this indictment is very entertaining if you go and read it. i loved going through all the things he was doing. he was a nice boyfriend to all these gals. i wrote down one of the business expenses, i wanted to be sure we got this right. he had a 15 hundred dollar venmo. filed it as artwork purchase. the exotic dancer hadn't sold him any artwork. paying for a hooker on venmo, you pay cash. >> paying the stripper is the art. >> very nice compliment. >> scott, do you think we're all jealous of hunter, that he is able to party so hard for so

long and be fine until now? >> seriously, we all avoid taxes, i am a comedian, haven't paid taxes in years. i have to save money. this look doesn't just happen. this nose cost a lot of money, right? yeah. i mean, you need to look at what you're paying for really. paved roads, educated children. potholes, keep my money, spend it on penile enlargements in case i have to go swimming with young people. >> kat: rob, do you think, first of all, you can comment on any of this. >> i would like to switch seats. >> kat: i feel like you're too old for him. >> that's true probably. i disagree with everybody on the panel. i believe it is important to pay your taxes which is why i pay them in full every year. no need to look into anything. these are not the taxi rax evad

you're looking for. what's weird, the only reason he's indicted is because the plea bargain was indicted in the summer. it was thrown out because he said he pled guilty to the gun charge, that was that, and the plea bargain was thick, and the judge decided unusually to actually read what he was bargaining away. as she read it in court, you could see her, what the -- no. she did this unbelievable thing of throwing it all out. that's why we're here today. it is not like the wheels of justice were turning and this is what happened. this is a system that copped out his plea bargain. he is in trouble because of one judge, not because the system puts sons of presidents behind bars. it is like a good thing that we're indicting him but also, we almost didn't because he was powerful. i think that's not funny.

but it is true. >> kat: that was wild. said they had never seen a plea deal like that and it happens to be the son of the president. what do you think? >> they thought they were getting away with it. joe biden still thinks he is getting away with it. he was in front of the press the other day, his answer was liars, liars, liars, it is all lies. then wandered away like he always does. but i think he thinks he is going to ride this out. maybe joe will be able to, but that's the whole thing. hunter biden is probably as he gets indicted, he will probably look more sympathetic because as we know, the american people seem to have sympathy for people that are indicted. it has been happening. it happened with bill clinton when they went after him, everyone was appalled by what he did. when the process continued with bill clinton, he ended up getting sympathy. i hope hunter biden doesn't get sympathy. the idea is you press him because you're trying to get to the big guy. that's what you do with

mobsters. arrest the guy below the don to get to the don. they're never going to get to him, he is never going to turn on his dad. >> i would never, but i also don't do drugs. i think the bidens are terrified of hunter, he is a loose cannon. he knows about the bodies buried, payments, which company was sending money to joe biden's bank account. if he doesn't get a pardon from joe biden who said he will not pardon his son, he is willing to sing so loudly. he is not going down alone. he knows everything else. to add to your point, it is the judge also, but whistle-blowers that came out a month before the plea agreement fell apart in court, the irs whistle-blowers, they were career agents saying this case was handled improperly. and then the special counsel comes. initially started with whistle-blowers who have been intimidated by hunter biden's attorneys for speaking out and getting to this point. he is facing very serious

charges. don't forget, the attorney on this case, the special counsel now, let the initial charges of tax evasion and statute of limitations actually run out. he should be facing even more time in prison as a result of that. >> it would be a nice prison, pill pilates and sandals. >> you know, prison at this point looking at the indictment, would be a nice break for him. >> he is probably tired. >> he is going to work out, eat better. prison i think will be a powerful benefit to him. >> group hugs. not sure about hugs. there will be group activity. shower massage. also, maybe he is tired of being a biden. maybe he is tired. his dad is old and tired, fell off the bike. maybe needs a new prison look. >> probably a sad moment for the

crack head community. they probably looked up to the guy. name a more successful crack head. >> true. so far. maybe you, you're skinny. >> i actually don't do crack. i know. >> you should force yourself. meet me in the toilet afterward, we'll have fun. >> oh, my god. >> then she was never seen again. up next, they want trump out of the mix because of january 6. >> if you'll be in the new york area, want tickets to see gutfeld, go to

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(car engine revs) (engine accelerating) (texting clicks) (tires squeal) (glass shattering) (loose gravel clanking)

you're probably not easily persuaded to switch mobile providers for your business. but what if we told you it's possible that comcast business mobile can save you up to 75% a year on your wireless bill versus the big three carriers? did we peak your interest? you can get two unlimited lines for just $30 each a month. there are no term contracts or line activation fees. and you can bring your own device. oh, and all on the most reliable 5g mobile network nationwide. wireless that works for you. it's not just possible, it's happening. >> kat: trump offends their pallet so they want him off the ballot. "new york daily news" reports new york state senators are

banding together to boot trump off the ballot because of alleged incitement on the capitol. it is nice to see lawmakers on something other than letting thieves and murderers going free. democrats celebrate that date like beavers on arbor day. according to the daily news, democrat lawmakers sent a letter to the board of elections arguing trump tried to overthrow democracy which in their eyes violates the constitution insurrectionist disqualification clause and therefore he shouldn't be on the ballot. why are they trying to stop trump from getting on the ballot? new york is kind of as blue as it gets. last time new york voted for a republican president was ronald reagan in 1984, when greg was just 50 years old. so this whole effort seems silly.

like stealing the rock's hair brush. because he's bald. right, rob? i don't think that new york would probably go to trump anyway. >> if biden won new york 60%, trump didn't get 30%, got a little above 30%. no way he will win. do a favor for trump, take him off the ballot of every state he won't win, concentrate on states he will win, how you win the presidency. don't waste money trying to win california, if you're republican, spend it on swing states. i'm not sure what they want to accomplish other than we got him off the ballot. so silly, like it is a game. it is actually like a lot of things do to try to hurt trump, it actually helps him. it is like stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. >> i agree with that, tom. if anything, people say look, they're going after him.

this could make him more popular. >> trump will love it. he would love it. if he was on the ballot in 49 states, 48 or whatever it happens to be. he would say watch me, i'm going to win the election with my hands tied behind my back. everything they do makes him more popular. probably covered the bill berth thing, he was on with jimmy kimmel. he said you made him a martyr. that's the big deal. i think people, obviously democrats hate trump no matter what. obviously trump has people loyal to him no matter what. people in the middle are like doesn't seem like he is getting a fair shake. take him off the ballot. rob reiner tweeted, he said unless you vote, talking about jill stein and kennedy, he said unless you vote for joe biden, democracy will vanish in this country. i was like are you kidding me? they don't seem to see the irony of that. saying there's only one choice

or democracy is dead. >> if you don't vote for who i tell you to vote for, you never get to pick who you vote f for ever. katie, do you think it happens? >> maybe, and won't spend resources trying to fight it. the democracy died in darkness people struck again. trump was in court in new york city trying to battle for his business, there's no victim for the fraud the government says he committed against all these loans which is crazy. he was saying they're acting like marxist dictators. other businesses should look and see whether that's the business environment they want to be in. this proves that. they accuse him of wanting to be a dictator, they're going to jussie lit eliminate a republic candidate? i guarantee other democrats around the country will try to follow, seeing trying to make it happen in colorado.

they are not allowing anyone to run against joe biden, trying to kick his political opponent off the ballot. seems not very voter like. >> scott, what are they trying to accomplish? >> they're trying to get rid of trump. i miss trump. and the punch lines. he writes more jokes than anyone. his timing is brilliant. the thing of rushing the capitol, making it wrong, the point of this country was in you are genessee, taking down the seat of power. george washington would think why are they going after this guy. the point of this country's protest. without that, we're nothing. without that, we are palestine. >> you are placing yourself firmly in pro-january 6 camp. >> i am a big camp. what i do like is choice to express yourself, like tom is saying, to have your vote and yell it out loud. i don't like people being hurt, you know. i think supporting your side is

your fair share. i mean, i support, like in the middle east, i get in trouble, i support israel because they book me. i would love to play gaza, but i don't want to bomb. >> kat: hey. >> but those remarks, the tour cancelled in singapore, but that's okay, it is my choice to express my opinion and who i am and what i think. it is dangerous to quell much protests. injuring people, breaking the law is one thing, taking trump down because he didn't like who won the election, well, half the country didn't. why is it his problem. >> i think you're right. i think people want to be able to go and say see what we did, got him off the ballot, tell their friends. >> a lot of high fiving. that's what it is all about. i am not as crazy about. i think people should be quiet, keep to themselves. not crazy about the protests.

i am tired of hearing about, i don't want anybody's opinion about anything. i feel like i hear it too much. we all need to go through a period of just shutting up, staying home, closing the windows, not tweeting or telling anybody what we think for about a year. let everything cool down. meantime you want to get trump a gift, keep pounding him. >> one thing we don't say enough about january 6, it is my dog's birthday. >> important day. >> happy early birthday, carl. >> we could stop shopping at whole foods. the liberal people want to go on and on about the problems and the issues and stuff while they're playing $12 for a grape. i think people most concerned are people that have the least to lose, people most pampered

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pick an order print everything you need slap the label on ito the box and it's ready to go our cost for shipping, were cut in half just like that go to shipstation/tv and get 2 months free >> kat: they want trader joe's shamed over food names. the popular chain trader joe's is being smeared as racist by a new generation of gen zers. they have a tongue in cheek name for products for certain parts of the country they've come from. something they've been doing for decades. in 2020, everyone lost their mind over trader jose's, in store brands for foods south of the border. also the one for italian food, i don't know how to say it.

a petition started demanding an end to the naming position. trader joe's refused to cave. now tiktok is collectively freaking out over the frozen mandarin orange chicken sold under the name trader ming's. if you're obsessed with chinese food, why are you shopping for it at trader joe's? tom, i am going to read a question someone on the staff wrote. >> here we go. >> says tom, as a racist, how do you feel about this? i didn't write it. so i don't know who on the staff thinks you're a racist. >> those aren't greg's comments, it is someone on the staff. >> greg might have come up, came out of his flu haze to send an email to make sure you call tom a racist in c block.

>> to be fair, it could be more than one person. they watch the show. they get it. >> look, this girl is too young. doesn't remember anything. it was 2020 when we went through the trader jose's thing. she was watching paw patrol at the time, she was like 13. you have to wake up. you can't just get political when you turn 17 or 18. look back, find out what we've been talking about the past few years. >> yeah, figure it out. >> scott, do you shop at trader joe's? >> no, i don't do carbs. >> obvious. >> i like the name, trader ming is my trade name. i don't get worked up about food names, i have other stuff to worry about. >> i can tell. rob? >> i just want to be there when this young woman learns about

the freet oh bandito. >> it will be a big tiktok situation. i'm kind of excited about it. also, like i don't get it. trader jose is kind of funny. trader ming, kind of cute. trader jacques. is she saying that isn't an asian name? >> is she of asian descent? >> yes. >> that adds a little more validity. >> the fact of something doesn't make it hateful or racist, the fact of it. the fact there are people in china named ming, also a dynasty. >> the cute little hats. i have an iphone, what's the problem? >> this video drives me nuts, not for the reason many people think. it is a video of her talking to the camera. everyone does it pov. that's not what pov means, this

is your point of view. >> it is like could you hold it properly so i don't have to look up your face? just figure it out. there's a great mexican restaurant not owned by white people, people there wear t-shirts, say if you have a taco emergency, call 911. they love it. i'm very confused what the standard is here. they took aunt jamima off the bottle. there are no longer blackfaces in the grocery store. i like cultural food. i like traveling the world and experiencing different things. you can't be diverse and if you're never experiencing it, especially if they're food. two things don't work together. >> this could be the end of trader joe's. >> i'm still going to shop there. they have great stuff. >> the interesting thing about

trader joe's when this happened in 2020, somebody wrote about it on instagram or whatever was happening then. they caved immediately. then right wingers got so mad. they were like they started a boycott of trader joe's and trader joe's came back the other way. shows you right wingers should get involved like happened with bud light. we used to sit around and take it. it is admittedly stupid to engage in this nonsense, but you kind of have to do that as they are equally idiotic with their boycotts s boycotts. >> on college campuseses, certain restaurants shouldn't sell cultured food because it isn't authentic. yet college campuses are the place they want everything diverse as possible. if you don't let us experience them because it is racist, we never experience each other's cultures. >> the only thing i don't want, the rainbow thing, stop the rainbow cupcakes. you ruined being gay anyway, it

is all legal now. used to be fun when it was wrong and bad. could really get a lot done. now there's rainbow crosswalks and cakes and this guy. gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. can they pull back? >> a lot of gay people, a cupcake is wrong and bad. >> regular old mom and pop cupcake. >> how about that. took cupcakes, too, tom. >> coming (♪) my plaque psoriasis was so bad... i couldn't get my hair done. my psoriasis was all over. then my joints started hurting, found out it was psoriatic arthritis. who knew they could be connected? for me, cosentyx works on both. 5 years and counting. did you know people with psoriasis on the scalp

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>> welcome to mailing it in. all right. trifle asks what calms you when the world seems to be on fire and headed off a cliff? first of all, whoever asked this, i hope you're okay.

>> i get calm when other people are stressed out. so anything, if i can kind of push harder on the stress situation, like when i'm driving, the gas gauge is low, starts to glow orange, my wife is like we have to pull over, get gas. i am like a couple more exits. >> that's why you tour with greg. >> yes. the more he freaks out, the calmer i get. >> makes perfect sense. katie? >> my dog. >> i bet that's not your answer, scott. >> no, i turn on streisand, sing out loud and loud, "evergreen" until my husband's ears of bleeding. anything that will calm me down, has to be loud, busy in the background. then it kind of soothes me. >> die meth i will trip tow feign. >> i don't know, for myself, i

wait until i exhaust myself by freaking out. i'll tire myself out. >> i was going to try the horse tranquilizer. i heard it can make your leg fall off, get weird. >> it is a dosage issue. but also like come on, the world has always been falling apart. they're all in this calamitous nonsense. we're all going to be fine. may not be great, we'll all be fine. the idea that everything is a giant calamity, everyone is running around having panic attacks. young people in this country go around saying things like i have anxiety. what are you talking about, for what? you don't have to earn. >> some of us do. >> if you're on the edge, call a friend whose life is worse. and you hear how badly you're doing, i'm not such a loser,

they're really going. >> that's true. next question. what is your favorite christmas memory. i'm going to go first actually. this one time i was supposed to go to florida with my family for christmas, i accidentally got on a plane to new york. my family was in florida, i was in new york. then i used my dad's credit card to book a room at the plaza hotel, president trump was there, he wasn't president yet. i went to this toy store. on my way back, two criminals ran into me. they got out of jail because they had tried to rob my house in the suburbs of chicago the year before that. then i got away. there's a lady super into pigeons. >> it sounds, rob, sounds like "home alone 2." >> never seen it. >> a little bit. yeah. you do look like mccaulley culkin. i think that's fair to say.

>> i look like mccan you's culkin with a wig on. never see us in the same place. what's your favorite christmas memory? >> when i was a kid, me and my brother got a gift from one of my father's co-workers, we shook them, listened to the gift like that. as a joke, said soap doesn't water before you open them. we didn't understand terrorist humor at the time. christmas eve, we forgot to soap the presents. we filled the sink, soaped presents, put them under the tree. next day it was soggy. there was red dye all over the floor. my father was like what are you doing? you said to soap, we soaped. he was kidding. thank god it wasn't a puppy. >> that would have been rough. >> my parents one year built us a basketball court which i'm not sure helped with my basketball skills but they at least tried,

that was pretty cool thing. >> wow. that's incredible. >> outside. yeah. >> you have a wholesome memory? >> my father bought us each a game. he would get the game out and beat us at the game. >> at the game. with the game. >> boom. and then we'd all cry. and he would drink a bit more. happy holidays! and that's why i'm a disaster. that's why. at least i know the reason. >> same time next week? >> rob? >> tempted to say the favorite memory is the birth of my lord. >> this isn't "fox and friends." >> one year the grownups decided to do secret santa. the previous year there had been not as many presents for me as i

liked. i organized secret santa, passed around the hat. said keep that secret santa quiet. i had written my name down 8 times. it was the greatest christmas morning of my adult life. >> yeah. i'm sure it was. >> fantastic. >> animals are great asks what do you procrastinate the most and why. katie. >> it is so lame, these questions. folding laundry. >> mine is different. mine is having children. >> that too. >> we're in the same group. >> i would say meals. lunch, i'm like i'm just going to go home, there will be another meal, i'll wait until then. >> gee, that's relatable, tom.

tom is sad. he skips meals, doesn't remember to eat. >> are you hungry? >> i am now! >> i think paying my taxes obviously. also i think calling my family on the weekend. i'm supposed to call my sister but she's out of her mind, so might smoke a bit of weed, hang out in my bedroom. i don't really want to call the family. eventually i do and hear how awful their lives are and i feel great. >> i was going to say, i thought that was your stress activity. >> it is my shtick. >> i think procrastinating is easy. file this claim, i won't do it. things that take ten minutes, i won't do it. >> good to have that. i have one thing easy to do, i will do the hard stuff and then save that like a treat.

that's a gift to yourself, once you read that. i read through greg's book. i have gotten through that, now do my -- >> hard things are easier for me. ex- exercise, i will get up and do that. >> again with the bragging. >> i hate to eat, love to exercise. i am tom shillue. >> sometimes i just heal people. it's happened. it's happened. but the little things. i was agreeing with katie, sometimes the little things like writing a thank you note, i've never done that. >> wow. >> you're a monster. >> i almost died once and put that off, there's that, procrastination around death. >> i am procrastinating a colonoscopy. i am 58. shouldn't be doing that. i'm like eh, not today. >> greg is excited for his

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goli, taste your goals.

>> story in five words. there's a micro nation in nevada. it is a population of 38 people in rural nevada. 11 acres of land. i am wearing this beanie. it is my merch. also, because in my own micro nation of katistan, it would be fun if the beanie was for the military forces. truth swearing beanies. >> i don't understand. this guy is interesting. >> no onion, no spinach. >> i like that you wears the

uniform. he went for complete dictator look. all the patches, badges, everything like that. i have a micro nation. it's got three other residents in it. everyone has to, called my house. act like everything i do is normal. >> i thought your pull was bigger. >> they're not here now. but they might watch this later. yeah, they indulge me. when i say sing this note here, sing this note here? now you sing down here, you sing down here. they have to do what i say. >> wow. that sounds fun. katie, what about you? >> i like this place because the u.n. doesn't recognize it. that's fantastic. good thing if you want to be a country without the u.n. bothering you, sending money, terrorists, for example, good place to be. there's no people there really. if you just want to be your own

president and have a first lady, start your own country. also lots of dogs around which i appreciate, lots of dogs for people in new york. yeah. i'm glad the u.n. hasn't decided this place has to adhere to its tenets yet. >> the republic banned people from being onion, spinach, catfish, walruses into the country. i want to know what happened. >> how did a walrus hurt you. >> yeah. >> feels to me like they could be not only in the u.n. but on the u.n. human rights committee at this point. does that mean that when i said something with a stamp that he prints his own stamps, people would go to monaco or one of

those tiny places and get a stamp because it is cool. is this guy offering you anything or no spinach, no onions. >> i'm not entirely sure. i didn't read the story, thought you might. >> i don't do research. >> you look like a guy that does research. >> that's why i don't have to do research. >> do people just call you professor? >> they do all the time. >> scott, what's your nation look like? >> i would ban people that skip meals. you'll be fine. ban people that exercise, you would be the president. i would ban elections. i think they're mean. i ban vegans because they go on and on about themselves. i ban the color mint green because it looks bad on me. and i ban people under the age of 50 because they look great and i look terrible next to

them. i want it to be what's good for me. i want soft cushions, people in bare feet. >> okay. what? get back to the bare feet thing? >> i like bare feet. >> that's still not weirder than the walrus walr. don't go away, we'll be right back. my a1c was up here; now, it's down with rybelsus®. his a1c? it's down with rybelsus®.

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this would be an incredibly important time for all of the friends of the international fellowship of christians and jews to stand with our friends in israel. let them know that we are not only praying for the peace of jerusalem, but we're also praying and acting in their interest because we believe it's what god would have us do. i simply can't stress enough the urgency of this situation. it's more dire than ever before. this is your moment. this is your opportunity to make a life-saving difference. it's your prayers and gifts that give hope to the people of israel. call, scan, or visit our website now to make your life-saving donation. shipstation saves us so much time it makes it really easy and seamless pick an order print everything you need slap the label on ito the box and it's ready to go our cost for shipping, were cut in half just like that

go to shipstation/tv and get 2 months free >> all right, final thoughts,

tom. >> my show spontaneous combustion is coming to a town near you in hartford, connecticut, stamford. i was in san francisco and scott, you came to see my show. >> it was great. it was fantastic. >> and he is playing in -- what town? i will be on january. >> i thought you were talking about overseas. >> i will be in israel, right? >> of course. the uae is the best. i worked there all the time. no, it is great. look around because you know what is going on. >> well, thank you, tom shillue, katie pavlik, and the studio audience. trace gallagher and shannon bream is next and be have a wonderful weekend. >> happy friday, i'm laura ingraham