the worst part is me being on screen. the best part is when you are on screen. john schneider, great to see you my friend. jingle smells.movie. >> merry christmas everybody. take care and god bless. unfortunately, that is all the time that we have left for tonight. remember you can catch me weekdays at noon on outnumbered. i hope you'll check it out. we have a lot of fun on that show. i hope you'll check out my book serenity in the storm, living through chaos by leaning on crisis. we have a lot of chaos. when i wrote this there was only one more in ukraine and now there are two. we have one in israel. and the border, it's a war zone. a lot going on and a lot of chaos and joe biden's america. thank you for watching. next up is trend got billed next. have a great night.

yes! yes! that's right. it's friday. so you know what that means? let's welcome tonight's guests. he's hear on a day pass from the halfway house, founder of the leftists party, michael loftus. she's my third favorite charlie after chaplain and horse. charlie are no. she loves pranks, giving thanks and getting restraining orders because of your cousin hank. new york times best seller, kat timpf. and the only thing he hates more than snow is child support. new york times best-selling

author, comedian and world champion nwa whatever. all right. this audience is out of control. but before we get to some new stories, let's do this. greg's leftovers. you know it. it's where i read the jokes we didn't use this week. that's why they are called leftovers. as always it's my first time reading them. if they suck we will take joe on a helicopter ride and drop him into a volcano. all right, southwest airlines is being praised by plus size travelers that allow overweight customers an free extra seat as an in-flight meal. ikea is holding a holiday contest where they will give away 30 giant meatballs the size of a turkey. it weighs 10 pounds and takes

four to six weeks to assemble. in response one happy customer replied put me down for a dozen. in recent tv interview hugh grant said he won't do wrong, anymore claiming he's too old and fat and ugly. nonsense. he just needs to be paired with the right costar. photos show sparse attendance for a dylan mulvaney event at penn state. apparently ticket sales suffered when students realized it was for dylan mulvaney. students are calling hillary hillary clinton's columbia university class a huge disappointment. but it hasn't stopped bill from holding office hours under his desk.

researchers in england have unearthed an ancient creature that stocked the watters off england's coast to millions of years ago and had a six-foot skull. or as john kerry calls it, dad. mcdonald has reintroduced the mcnugget buddies. six collectible characters that come with your happy meal. just like mcnuggets, they are also not made of chicken. according to a story in the bangkok post, a local man escaped prison hours after surgery to repair his botched penis enlargement. police say to be on the lookout for a man with a giant penis with a file in it. remember how a file was in every prison escape? put it indicate. california recycling used toilet and bath water for drinking

purposes. we've been doing that forever said dogs. trains at newark penn station were delayed on thursday after a wild bull ran on the tracks. to be fair the bowl took a shortcut since it was late for work. images went viral after firefighters hoisted a cow out of a waste filled cesspit in england. luckily they were able to transport it in time for work. antiaging drug for dogs has moved closer to gaining fda approval. customers are already waiting in line. its nothing personal. we just save money using the same picture three times.

an indiana high school student won a major national award for creating an app that helps users find nearby bathrooms. who needs that when you have pants, said one man? a drunken florida man was arrested after he sexually molested a manati mannequin inside a restaurant. when asked about it, he said i was drunk and didn't realize it was a mannequin. thank you. you should have enjoyed that more. according to december 11th is the day that most couples break up to avoid buying christmas gifts. that reminds me, it must suck to be jesus. having your birthday and christmas on the same day.

reports artificially generated news anchor, which is weird because at box we already have one. in-your-face, jesse. finally a new study finds that being too optimistic causes people to make poor financial decisions. and in some cases it can lead to homelessness. now to the news. dancing buffoons who support marxist goons. the only thing worse than their political stance is how this vomit inducing group dances. now you are probably gouging your eyes out after seeing this bizarre interpretation of the nutcracker inside the white house. but watch. ♪ music playing ♪

♪ ♪ >> at least we know all that cocaine in the west wing has been put to good use. the crazy part is it was paid for with everybody's tax dollars accept hunter because he is a tax cheat. apparently dr. jill invited the door and stance troop to perform the beloved christmas classic. she originally asked antifa but they were already perfect for kamala harris's christmas party. stop. after all, it was their turn to bail her out. it was worth it. but the dance moves aren't the only thing that's nauseating. it turns out the anti- studio promotes marxist things like

blm. who would've thought. michelle dorrance promotes her so-called anti- race ideology and talks about understanding her white privilege and in the never ending struggle against white supremacy in this country. turns out their definition of nutcracker is cracking the nuts of crackers. even ebenezer scrooge is calling this brought a buzz kill. if you check out their website you find an entire page dedicated to links to banning prisons, blm protests and organizations that want to defund the police. and sadly not a single kick ass recipe for peppermint bark. and yet dr. jill invited them to perform in america's house during the most holy time of year perhaps because hamas was busy. at this point it's to be expected. if the north bull had a national anthem they would kneel. i can't wait to see the nativity scene. rachel levine will make an

amazing virgin mary. >> loftis, this is just too easy. it's like this whole thing was created out of the lab for "fox & friends" to go crazy. but i don't know. you are a homeless, non-binary. do you support the white house bringing in this woke dance group? >> i support them shining a light on just the total insanity that is the modern age. like joe and jill now are the crazy guest stars on the great sitcom of america. you know, like the wacky aunt that would come in for an episode and she said you should hug it out and dance her way out of jams. it turns out her life is a tragedy. that's what this is. joe and jill, their lives suck. the kid is a addict and they can't do anything. they ruin christmas with this horrible hunger game slow drive

by of christmas. and the costumes look like it was from a furniture repair shop. you know? how many did jill have when she saw that? i'm going to wear that. i will wear that tomorrow with a big flower on my head with a couch print. >> it made me seasick. a little motion sickness. it was about as christmas themed as a drag queen throwing up on a piñata. >> it was concerning. are they dancing or having seizures. but truly, forget the crimes, forget the corruptions. this display alone should be enough to get joe biden impeached. it was that bad. >> somebody is going to clip that out and think we are serious. gutfeld says biden should be impeached over holiday themed party. >> we know who will call me out on it. there is one name that sticks out. we talked about it for several weeks on this show. but really there is only one thing that would have made it even more disturbing. that would be zelenskyy in a

unitard gyrating. thanks to the internet we have already seen that. but like what you said it sheds a light on a bigger problem. this country and government is doing everything they possibly can to destroy tradition in the name of dei and dystopia nonsense. it was like hooverville on cocaine. perfect for the modern day white house. >> how do you even find an and ty cobb dance company? ball step, ball step, ball chain, ball chain. >> cat, just stepping back, this kind of for me anyway reflects the problem with musical theater and dance troops. it's not entertaining for you. its entertainment for the participants. it's like a celebration of ego. look at me, look at us. that's where the guy was going like this. there was no skill in that. >> i don't know, greg.

you are nailing it. >> that was a brilliant reinterpretation of hamlet. >> more motion in your face. you are almost there. >> maybe i am focusing on the wrong thing. i feel like they can't be the only one who doesn't understand why the executive branch of our government needs a dance team. at all. there is people struggling, it's the holidays. our government insists that they can't ease the tax burden on us at all. they can't find anywhere to make cuts. no one said what about the white house dance team? i just think it's so--this is so weird to me. as citizens we are forced to give our money to pay for our own ruler's promotional materials. it's absurd and wrong. >> that's the worst part about it. you are right. people are struggling paying their bills. and they expect you to like

this. if you criticize this, it's on you. i think it [ bleep ] sucks. who do you think picked this? who did the vetting? was it dr. jill? >> no, it wasn't. a lot of you don't know this. i've had a lot of jobs, but my dream was to be a choreographer. the white house came to me and said i know we don't agree on much but we agree on one thing. dance cures everything. i just so happen to have a script i had been working on, and this is it. how dare you, gutfeld. it was for me, greg. it was all for me. okay. why are we surprised? this is the move. big pharma, every medical new drug that comes out, they have

it with dancing. everything is dancing. the world is falling to [ bleep ] but guess what, we are dancing. so no one is mad. ozempic, type two diabetes. she is dancing her ass off. here it is. not yet. you've got to wait for this one. you want something to quote. i will get you off the hook. if her ass was dancing all the time she wouldn't need ozempic. >> she's the one who was lowering her a1c? >> six outfits and each one gets brighter. they just bring dance in. listen, china just bought half of america. >> i'm not going to live. i'm excited about that now. >> we've got to move on.

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could the first son be on the run and could donald trump be hunter's lord and savior if he pardons all his bad behavior? political reports hunter biden has confided with family and friends about potentially fleeing the country if trump becomes president again. he must be serious because he is already checking to see how much coke he can hide up his ass. insider say hunter is growing increasingly nervous about the charges against him and fears how trump might enact his new authority to punish the bidens family decades of political corruption. and indeed hunter should be worried.

he's looking at 17 years if convicted on all counts. and the way the judicial system works today that could mean 12 to 15 minutes of community service. but it's the first time that hunter has heard 17 years without it being followed by cluster t its are real. thank you. in addition to the four felony and six misdemeanor charges, hunter also could be found in contempt of congress for failing to appear for his deposition. just like the daughter he ignores, hunter's instinct is to run away from his problems. here's a thought. would've trump arm promises to pardon hunter if he returns to the white house? does it change everything? perhaps it makes them more outspoken about replacing joe since he no longer has to stick around to pardon his offspring. but when trump even go for it? remember, when trump first took office he did declined to further prosecute hillary.

and she killed people. with her astute political analysis. see what i did there. >> clever. >> thank you. what if trump promises a full pardon? if joe might be sticking around to protect his family. now he low longer has a reason. >> i do not see this happening. no way, know how. i would plead with donald trump not to make this move. these are the people that are trying to get you locked up for life. these are the people trying to rip apart your family, destroy your business empire. he cannot let this happen. like you said, he threatened to lock up hillary. he didn't do that and see where it got us. he needs to go full press on the biden family. i think it could do good putting them behind bars. they can share war stories with the other crooks who are locked up. if nothing else, it forces hunter to get sober. >> interesting.

is there anywhere left in the world to flee? where do you flee if you are hunter biden? >> i thought you said me. i'm not going to say it here now. i definitely have some ideas. >> transylvania. >> i don't know. i think it would be tough. it would also be easy for the same reasons. because he is so connected and well-known. >> he could go to china. >> the thing with trump, if he did this, if he did do this, it would kind of take away the democrats entire platform. if he went and said i will do this nice thing and this shouldn't happen and i feel bad for you hunter. i know you struggled. i would pardon you if i was president. i think it would be a lot harder for his dad to go out and say he's this evil dictator. what would they talk about? that's pretty much with the platform is. biden said he's only running because of trump.

that's the whole thing. iffy made it hard to say that, what would he say? >> if trump is watching, listen to the little lady in the white leather jacket. she just pointed out why this is genius. you have to do this on monday. the biden family will implode. although there is one downside to this. they will replace joe with somebody more effective. you will see gender newsoms show up. i'm going to keep using that. >> that was a great idea. but this is all a set up. this is an excuse to run. i can't stay in a country and take a chance that trump will be president. but the real story is dad knows eventually you're going to have to talk. 17 years to a man like hunter is an eternity. even the idea of showing up to court is going to scare him. so he's going to sing.

so maybe you need to run. epstein's island is available. or the clinton foundation is going to take you on a humanitarian mission to el salvador. where you are going to help minister to the many peoples out there. in ecuador. i thought you said el salvador. it's one of the e. oh, no, hunter slipped and fell. china save the llama from a cougar. why did this happen? no. he's the safest place for him is probably jail. not in the epstein sell. in a word hunter will get this. if he was at this table i would say brace yourself. you are [ bleep ] . >> he will have a lot of time. >> but he's going to run because he can run with the evil empire that is trump coming down on

him. there is the excuse to run. >> you are an experience person writing the rails, boxcars and such. would you advise hunter just to flee in that manner? hop on the nearest railroad car and get a can of beans? >> a can of beans will do you right when you are sleeping next to a railroad car. >> pour out the beans and you have a handy cup for your water. and recycling. >> or you could boil some crack in its. >> i want trump to pardon hunter, but only if he does run. and then you turn it into the most popular game show in the history of america. where in the world is hunter and his crack pipe? he has to hide and we have to find him. everybody in america gets to guests. he's in bolivia with a trans and

a monkeywrench. if you are right for the next four years you don't get charged with any of the crimes hunter didn't get charged for. you don't have to do your taxes. you can leave rental cars full of crack in the desert. nobody comes at you. >> we should do this as a segment like where's waldo. where is hunter's penis? >> i think i speak for everyone. we don't want to know that. >> did you pick a? you may have already won. all right! this is great. up next, should stolen murch on sale keep thieves from jail?

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two colorado thieves tried to get their felony charge dropped to a misdemeanor arguing that what they stole was on sale. so it would fall below the $2000 threshold required for a felony conviction. the jury didn't by it and convicted them anyway. but you've got to respect thieves that appreciate the value of a dollar. >> yeah. you know what? i bet you also while they were in that hearing they were the only people ever to really wish they had coals cash. i didn't even know they were still around. ice to fight in coals with my mom. we would get into the worst fights about how i wasn't allowed to get short shorts. you don't love me. it would escalate from there and i would be grounded. but i still get e-mails. you have cash. if they would have had one of those e-mails they would have been good. >> you know what's interesting, tyrus. could you apply this logic to

murder? hear me out. downgrade homicide because the victim is older so somehow there was less remaining life stolen. >> right. why did you kill everybody in the house? they was home. she was old. she was asking for it. it just goes to show how stupid we become i want to know who was their attorney? i want that [ bleep ] name. because if i am ever in trouble and i am sitting with my war team and this is what they came up with, i think you should just say you thought it was a sale. by one, steal one free. okay? i think that's going to work with the jury. they are just giving lawyer

ships away these days. the bar is clearly free now. the bar is this low. that was your attorney. while. >> theoretically thieves should wait until thanks are on sale before they smash and grab. they would be like everybody else. apparently coupons only apply to people buying things. do you employ this logic when you are shoplifting? when you go to your local drugstore and there is that heavily discounted card table that sells markdown lotions and old calendars. come on. every drugstore has a little table with stuff. >> now just $1. its toothpaste from 1978. that's a deal. just got to make sure you don't go over the $2000 limit. i am waiting for the middle aged white guys to get together and say let's go to the store and get new putters.

i like the creativity of criminals. when they have time to reflect, like when the chips are down, they get really creative. it was on sale. if you apply the sale, that's the kind of outside the box thinking we need more of. we should put criminals in charge of more stuff. seriously, you hand them an old apple they will make a box of wine. how do they even do that? they can make a crossbow out of old mouse whiskers and cubes. why are they not running nasa? you give them a juice box and of the glider we will be on mars tomorrow. >> how great would it be if one of their buddies showed up to bail them out with coal's cash. >> there is one in louisiana. if he wanted to forward me that

cash, i will get the shorts you were never allowed to get. merry christmas. >> i am so old i remember those green stamps. s and h green stamps. my mom would put them in and i would sit and put them in the thing and i wouldn't even know what you would get. i think she did that to keep me busy. there was a sedative on the thing. click all of these, greg, and take a nap. >> probably what it was. >> green stamps make me sleepy, mommy. i heard when they were making their getaway they asked the cashier if they validate. >> of course they did. they should have been smarter. they should have brought someone like me on them because i can find all the good deals. i definitely feel like i could have kept them under $2000, help them to avoid a felony charge. i have to say i respected a little bit. it was a 50-year-old guy and a

37-year-old guy. it all the things in kohls they decided to lift a kitchenaid mixer. would any men still that of all the things in the store? >> that's the brilliance of the plan. >> that's the stupidity of men. they did it for a woman. >> when are we going to see the game show smash and grab? that's what you do with these department stores. >> i will get arrested when i try to buy her shorts with kohl 's cash. on the news you will see me with a small child shorts from kohl's >> a lot of us didn't even know it was open, but now we do. >> it's like hobby lobby. you can't miss it. >> all right, coming up isn't a work of fiction or a good silver war be a real depiction?

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today's video of the day is the trailer for the film civil war. the united states in the throes of an internal violent insurrection. roll its. >> 19 states have seceded. >> the united states army ramps of activity. >> the three term president assures the uprising will be dealt with swiftly. citizens of america, the so-called western forces have texas to california. they have suffered a very grave defeat at the hands of the united states military. do you have the use of airstrikes against citizens? there is some misunderstanding here. >> what kind of american are you?

>> one nation, under god. indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. >> california and texas have seceded from the union together. i guess they will take on the government with texas endless supply of guns mixed with california's endless supply of human feces. tyrus, any prediction on who will be the bad guy? >> this message was paid for by the biden administration. >> it should be if trump is elected. >> so stupid. 19 states seceded. but the real story is how the journalists, the media, charged into the war. even at one point the army guy, the soldier who is trained for battle says stay back on the reporter goes i am going in.

i will not be watching this movie just for the fact that it's so fake that it makes d.c. movies look good. this is ridiculous. the media, who gets their sources from tech send facebook, all of a sudden are going to be johnny on the ground running to get the story. one is just a joke. of course it is all every journalist in watching the clip is a representation of a different minority group. it's the gender against evil. texas and california don't get a long with [ bleep ] . the fact that they would even come together is ridiculous. and 1000%, i'm share the president in the movie they won't say maga. i'm sure it's l.a. ga. and his name is david lump.

>> michael, do you hope in the movie there is a sympathetic homeless character that somehow is able to help citizens? you know the ins and outs of the sewage system. >> yep. that's what you want to know when it goes down. how can i crawl to the library? which is actually what you want to do because they have the maps. anyway, this whole civil war movie is like a trailer for liberal porn. it's going to be the white journalism girl who saves everybody. help me, white liberal lady. and then for some reason you've got nick offerman as the president. i think reprising his role from parks and recs. he was the libertarian character. i am super confused about the

whole texas/california getting together. they have barbecue in common. it's like a civil war over taco trucks. i don't understand it. if it is a civil war over taco trucks i will take new york. new york will kick their ass. >> what do take? is this a reflection of the mental state of our country that we are all divided? >> of course. they want to suggest that by 2024 win hopefully we have a brand-new president in office, donald lump, david lump. this is the thing that will happen. but to your point i was imagining before i watch this trailer of them putting something together that seemed believable. but suddenly california and texas have teamed up together. that notion is completely out the window. but also california doesn't even want their residents to have

guns. not the type of ally you want in a wartime scenario. i also thought to myself, and you may be saw something i didn't. i didn't see any minorities in the trailer. >> he is really light-skinned to like me. i will tell you one thing. he's the guy that will get killed. certain things you don't break. he's also the only one who wears a mask outside the movie. >> i didn't see him. i will have to take a second look. i was thinking to myself that this movie out of the running to win an oscar. there is too many white people in the trailer. to make it will win an oscar and get mysterious votes the night before the announcements. >> who knew kirsten dunst. >> the guy with the rifle and the camouflage and the glasses. if you guys haven't figured out that was a bad guy. what kind of american are you? i.e. babies. >> half the extras are fbi agents. how many times have you said

there are too many white guys in this trailer? >> never. >> that is a joke. >> i haven't really hung out in a trailer that often. >> he met movie trailer. please tell me you meant movie trailer. i need this job. >> i didn't. i'm not going to see this movie. it doesn't look very funny. >> it doesn't. there is no adam sandler. they spent $75 million producing it. >> that is considered low-budget these days. do you think its possible for a civil war? >> i think there is already one going on emotionally. but i also feel like people want to stay home. they don't want to do it on the internet. why get up and go out and do a civil war? >> civil war from your sofa. >> people are doing it every

day. we engage online. >> download the civil war app today. i am droning my neighbor. all right. up next, how cosco sold a ton of gold. we're partnering with farmers to develop these fuels using everything from plant by-products to cow manure. and then using those fuels to help lower the lifecycle carbon intensity of the transportation industry. driving the world forward today, while forging new roads to the future. that's energy in progress. the all-in-one and done symptom relief of mucinex is delivered fast with doordash, so you don't have to leave the couch. oof! that was fast. mucinex. available on doordash. it's comeback season.

[ music playing] it's late on a friday night. no one is watching so we will talk about whatever we want. in this case it's costco who sold $100 million worth of 1 ounce gold bars last quarter on their website. 1 ounce gold bars. you still can't even lift that. >> no, i can't. i guess people are not thinking everything is going very well. you are out of gold at costco? that's another level of pessimism that is completely it's own category. i didn't know we were there. i've been there for a while. spec that's a message. you live off the free samples at costco. do think they will be doing free samples with the gold? >> i don't think so. but i've got my fingers crossed

for pizza rolls on thursday. i am with cat. the government has that waffle house index where they know how bad a storm was by how many waffle houses are open or closed. the people at costco know something that we don't. the crash is coming. i will by some gold and by a new sofa and by that ceramic parakeet. it's weird at costco. you by odd things. statement charlie, is this why we no longer see william deveined on our network? now he is doing medicare. he's no longer selling gold. >> osco is having a moment right now. everyone talks about the double income couples with no kids. they are at costco buying all the snacks so they don't have to have kids. >> i do that. >> you don't. also know that costco is selling gold and might be time to move out of the city into the suburbs. >> you have to buy gold and get a gun or by a gun and get some gold.

you know what the weird problem is, tyrus? they always say now has never been a better time to buy gold. but they say that in every new ad. >> because there is never a better time. i could do that add. first of all, he wouldn't go to costco. everyone knows you like kohls. beyond that, if i saw this and i go back to attorneys i would be saying that's where you've got your gold bars from? costco. that is brilliant. i didn't know costco was selling gold. i'm a little upset about that. i probably would have bought some. i'm a little miffed. usually-- >> was there a good deal on gold? >> that's the mystery of costco, ladies and gentlemen. is it really a deal? you've got to go in there and haul that [ bleep ] out yourself. you have to put it in mismatch boxes. nothing fits. the lines are forever and there is always the same women buying

clothes that you know they can't possibly fit. then they end up-- >> i don't give a [ bleep ] . >> costco in la was always terrifying. because everything is stacked up a million miles high. >> if it hits, here comes a washer and dryer down on you. >> if you don't have your id your ass ain't getting in. we might want to think about putting costco on the border. no id, no entry. >> don't go away. we will be right back. i love that my daughter still needs me. but sometimes i can't help due to burning and stabbing pain in my hands, so i use nervive. nervive's clinical dose of ala reduces nerve discomfort in as little as 14 days. now i can help again. feel the difference with nervive.

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