♪ over the hills and everywhere ♪ ♪ go tell it on the mountain ♪ that jesus christ is born ♪ go tell it on the mountain ♪ over the hills and everywhere ♪ ♪ go tell it on the mountain ♪ that jesus christ is born ♪ that jesus christ is born - yes, amen. ["go tell it on the mountain" piano music] >> hi, i am greg gutfeld

along with harold ford and dana perino. "the five." ♪ >> yeah, merry christmas, america! >> get ready because we have a santa size show ahead including our naughty and nice list. oh, they're filthy. buckle up to gift exchange, we'll melt your minds into a puddle of syrup. first, time for the fastest. a new survey says 48% of people have gone to a holiday party just for the treats. among the top flavors of this time of the year, ginger bread, salted caramel and peppermint. we have a holiday spread here, peppermint stick and

chocolate world from the cheesecake factory. you know that's not a factory. i found it out when i went on the tour. >> candy cane blizzard from dairy queen, which is our royalty. harold, i don't understand how they make choices when it comes to holiday sweets. for example, no one likes fruit juice, right? no one bites into those chocolates. they just leave them there. why do they persist an including such terrible sweets? >> well, in the christmas spirit -- it is important to know that some people may like those things. they are part of the decorative that we look for. i don't eat sweets. i like the decorative and as aesthetics of it all. >> of course, you do. you know harold -- >> jesse. >> i enjoy sweet, could you

argue this is a war on diabetics? >> when i saw these surveys, i thought, man, these people arover weight. who goes to the holiday party just for the food? [laughter] >> okay, well, that ex plainiplains it. we need discipline. you don't have to have the whole piece. you can have a few bites. that's a good life's lesson. >> it is, moderation. >> who says that? >> ben franklin? >> is it? >> no. are you a pumpkin spice person? i find that to beover rated? >> i like everything sweet, everything spicy, i love peanut brittles. at christmas times, i will find where the kids are and raid their stockings. you know the popcorn balls, they were hard and glued

together. we wait them. i love that. remember the ribbon candy? >> yeah, i remember the ribbon candy. >> your grandparents would have them in a dish, usually an ashtray. >> they would stick together. >> dana, you know i never had eggnog in my life. >> really? >> it looks like pancake batter to me. >> it is good. >> it is disgusting. >> it is good to be back around the table. >> yes, yes. >> merry christmas. >> eggnog, it comes in a carto cartoon? i didn't know you are supposed to put alcohol in it? i think this blizzard was pretty good. the best christmas tree i had this season, caroline, my assistant, made christmas cookies for the holiday party. those were good.

the cookies were excellent so i indulge a little bit. >> did you give me some of those? >> anyway, i can say that because i don't care. >> up next is the season of giving but not everyone is into that idea. a new poll finds 60% of holiday shoppers will be buying gifts for themselves and not necessarily others. jesse, this sounds like something like you do. >> i participated on this. this is where we'll use on "the five," i don't see anything wrong going shopping with people or getting yourself something. if you are going shopping for other people and you forget about the other people and you get yourself smomething, that's not right.

>> they'll never know and sometimes there will be things in my pantry, i will put it in my baskets. >> like baked beans. >> those are organic baked beans. >> you put it on toast and you make it a british basket. >> anybody else at the stage now where you are getting things that you forgot you ordered? >> oh. >> this was supposed to be for her. i guess i have to keep it. they should do a gift basket with masks and little pfizers. >> give it to my mother. >> and k-95 and all that good stuff. what are you not supposed to eat when you have covid? did they say we should not eat anything? >> no. >> nobody had a sense of taste. >> that's where the big

things were for. >> we are trying to keep it clean, this is christmas after all. you can leave your fart humor for whatever you do after the show. >> i see you having people shop for you. >> i do a lot of shopping. >> it is christmas. there should be a lot of joy. >> i get asked what it is like to be with people around the state, it is a joy. merry christmas. it has been a great year. we'll have a better year. i love shopping for people. i have not bought a gift for myself in years. i will go out. i let people walk up to me, you know jesse waters? you know judge janine? you know greg, which happens often. >> i love going to kid stores. >> i am not allow to go in a kid store.

when you are standing still in a department store, do people look at your clothes? >> what's the price on those? you are a mannequin. >> you got ris. >> it is very ai-ish of me. >> all right, let's look at this clip. >> a machine gun. >> all right, "die hard" making usa today. that still exists? >> yeah. >> a list of the best christmas list, including "scrooge" and "it is a wonderful life," and "elf" and "love actually." >> yes, i still enjoy it. >> the newer country christmas songs, those are good. >> oh, we don't care.

>> okay. >> it is been 13 years we talked about "love actually." >> why do christmas movie only have to be in christmas? why can't you watch them year-round? >> somehow they don't feel right. i does not feel right watching "home alone" in july when it is 90 degrees and you are on your way to the beach. i have never seen "love actually." >> there is not a lot of shoot them up crime christmas shows though. >> yeah, there is. >> we saw one. >> that's a good one. >> i always saw "the god father." >> you can watch it with your family and everybody sits around and they're eating a lot of food. good fellows and great christmas movie. remember he was making a meal and it was christmas and he was trying to get the drugs. >> harold, you were saying in the green room, not a lot of

good adult christmas films. [laughter] >> i was like shocked. i didn't know what you meant. you mean movies for adults and not for kids. >> i was saying adults and then said christmas. my favorite christmas movie is "shredding places," it is a philly movie. >> yep. >> it is around christmas time, one of the great lines when eddie murphy is outside the club with liberty and justice for all. members only. >> i love that movie. i had that running a lot. >> do you have a favorite christmas list? >> i like "home alone." was that not on the list? >> yeah. >> too much eggnog. >> coming up, best gift exchange. first, who made our naughty and nice list. that's next on our "the five"

christmas special. ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ you answered the call, risked everything to stand for something. so what now? what's left to stand for? maybe it's not what, but who?

maybe the best way to stand for something, is to stand for somebody else.

♪ ♪

>> welcome back and merry christmas. it is time for our "naughty and nice list." who deserves a lump of cold or extra gifts this year. jesse, let's get started. >> you know, i didn't need to take antibiotics or get the shot. the dog that bit me determined was a democrat, the owner rode a subaru with a coexist bumper sticker. my naughty list was the democratic dog that bit me. would you like me to do my nice list? >> yes, go hed. >> johnny is on my nice list. he's doing all the work so i don't have to. i am very proud of him. he's never allowed to leave.

i will keep him at my side for eternity. >> my naughty list are all of these weed smokers that throw their joints on the ground and the dogs are eating them. the poison control for pets are up 800% this year. it is dangerous. i don't care if you smoke weed, put it in the trash can when you are done. on the nice list. trey parker and matt stone created "south park," they saved my favorite restaurant in denver. i got to go there with my sister. her husband, my brother-in-law, ben, and my dad, too, we went there which was saved. >> yeah, old fashion. >> i am not going to say anything about them. >> my naughty list is these presidents at universities facing criticisms for not being able to create safe

spaces for kids to have really stimulating disagreeable passionate conversations. there is a line that you cross when hate and anti-semitism and when you feel unsafe having the conversation, i hope we are able to clean it up across campus. i hope they look at how this may come about the next 20 years. my nice list is the great dolly park. she created this library back in 1995. they sent 200 million books to every child born in the state of tennessee until the age of five regardless of economic background, all in an effort to try not only open kids eyes but their family's eyes to worlds they may not be on.

mrs. parton, thank you for all that you have done. >> any naughty side, the protesters shutting down bridges and freeways. the cause is irrelevant. one month is bom and the next is palestine. if you ask them about the facts, they know nothing. it is all attention-seeking behavior. it is just an organized tantrum. they make lives harder for everybody else. it hurts the cause which tells you they don't care about the cause. they just care about me. a bunch of babies. for the nice list, i am going to give it to elon musk. a lot of billionaires don't set out to save the world and he is. he actually by buying x and creating community notice doing more for free speech than anybody in modern history. you can dislike what you see on x. the fact is it is out there and people can make decisions. he stroke a blow against the speech restrictionist and

for that he's on my nice list test. >> good choice. >> for me on the naughty list is biden's dog commander who bitten 11 people. most of them service agents, sending one to the hospital. it was interesting that one of the more serious incidents occurred when joe biden had the dog and he let commander off the leash. commander immediately went for secret service agent. i don't know why because they took the gun out of the garbage can and all that stuff, harold. >> you are about to get on my naughty list. >> okay. on my nice list, there is a tv judge whose name is frank caprio. the name of the show is a real tv show called "in providence," this man has an incredible balance of mercy and good judgment. he runs his courtroom and he's a kind individual who's just been diagnosed with

pancreatic cancer. he ask each of us in our own way to pray for him. he's 87 years old, he's in need of prayers. to you, frank caprio and all the good things you have done and for giving your heart to so many of them in some of the most difficult situations, we pray for you and wish you a wonderful holiday. >> amen. >> coming up, our secret santa reveal that you don't want to miss. first, we are batting it out in a christmas rendition of supermarket show down. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] the day you get your clearchoice dental implants changes your struggle with missing teeth forever. it changes how you eat, how you feel, and how you enjoy life.

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dad: hey boss. you okay? son: yeah, i'm good. dad: you sure? son: i said i'm fine.

howie: since i was little, it was only like me and my parents. kamauu: do you think you created family out of characters? howie: yeah. of course. kamauu: i'm gonna take that and make it into a song. ♪ ♪ ♪ put me to bed ♪ ♪ see you in the morning ♪ ♪ with the frosted ♪ ♪ superman, but it wasn't honest ♪ ♪ and we lost it ♪ ♪ m.i.a., m.i.a., m.i.a. ♪ ♪ where you at, where you at ♪ ♪ on the way, ahhh ♪ ♪ m.i.a., m.i.a., m.i.a. ♪ dad: hey son. son: hey pop. dad: talk to me. son: it's been really, really hard for me.

>> welcome back, everybody. who's ready to play? jesse's supermarket show down christmas edition. ♪ >> yeah, look at that. >> look at that. all right, i will be playing but i don't know the answers. >> all right, sure. >> yeah. >> we are using walmart prizes. the winner gets a new car. we have a two-rider red sled that you see here. this is 100% plastic. i don't know how two people could fit in there unless it is children. >> it is like a hospital large bedpan. >> large. >> everybody praises up. >> $5? >> oh, wow.

okay. you are -- greg is right. >> 22? 21 $99. >> that means i get it. i get it and i don't even have kids. you know what i am going to use it for? >> bed pin. >> it is better than a car. >> what's the markup? i want to see the markup on this. >> this is made in china. >> this is bidenomics. you have to add $20 on each shelf. we have an elf on the shelve. you know what these are. >> little elf on the shelve. it is a christmas tradition. you don't hide them, they move magically. >> it is not a shelshelf. >> they said i can open it. >> oh, look at that. >> $12.99.

>> i am going to scream. >> i am going to go with $19.99. >> $30. >> $32.95. >> really? >> i won. >> i had $30. >> it is a win for waters. >> you are up for two. >> how could this sled be more expensive than that elf? >> i don't know. talk to santa with that, parino. >> this is southern comfort eggnog. >> there is no alcohol in it. >> it is non-alcoholic. say ultra pasterized. >> price is up everybody? >> dana? >> milk prices -- those dairy tariffs. those taken a toll. $3.36. >> i won.

>> greg, again with the under. >> greg is winning. >> is that what you do at night, greg? >> you got it. >> next, we have the ugly "home alone" sweater, kevin! anyone want to model that one? everybody's prices are up. $69. greg went the with the over. how much is the ugly "home alone" christmas sweater? $29.99. >> you have the answer in front of you. >> which is not rigged. >> jesse, you can't post plays. >> white christmas. >> that's like being the secretary of state while you are running the election. i have been there before. >> 66 foot string of l.e.d. -- 66-feet of led

christmas lights. >> you guys want to hear an idea? >> no. >> why are there companies that come in and decorate for you? >> they do, greg. >> yeah. >> how did they do that? >> you want decorations? >> well, i don't want to do it. it is too late now. >> what did you say? >> $60. >> it is l.e.d., right? >> [laughter] >> $18.99. >> $14. greg got it to the number! >> i know you are. up next, we are putting our holiday knowledge to the test in a festive trivia challenge. liberty mutual customized my car insurance and i saved hundreds. with the money i saved, i started a dog walking business. i was a bit nervous at first

but then i figured it's just walking, right? [dog barks] oh. no it's just a bunny! calm down taco. sit duchess. stop! sesame no no. archie! walter don't, no, ahhhh. ahhhhh! you're lucky you're so cute. only pay for what you need. ♪liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty.♪ (son) dad. you ok? (dad) it's our phone bill! we pay for things that we don't need! bloated bundles, the reckless spending! no more... (mom) that's a bit dramatic... a better plan is verizon. it starts at 25 dollars a line. (dad) did you say 25 dollars a line? (sister) and save big on things we love, like netflix and max! (dad) oh, that's awesome (mom) spaghetti night -- dinner in 30 (dad) oh, happy day! (vo) a better plan to save is verizon. it starts at $25 per line guaranteed for 3 years and get both netflix and max for just $10/mo. only on verizon. we're traveling all across america talking to people about their hearts. who wants to talk about their heart? [honking]

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first day of school. cute as a button. nichelle: so long ago. grandma ruth: oh. here's grandma florence after that flood wiped out the whole neighborhood. sandra: sometimes i just cannot believe all the storms we've gone through here. grandma ruth: i can only hope that we'll be able to leave this house to you one day, baby. you're our legacy. nichelle: planning for these disasters will make sure we're safe and is the best way to protect that legacy. pop pop: ah, those beans smell heavenly. nichelle: you know what? we should make an emergency communication plan. that way, we're ready this year. pop pop: great idea. nichelle: at my dorm we have emergency kits for earthquakes and wildfires but i'm sure there's something more local i can send you with a link. pop pop: smart. sandra: i'm coming to stay with you guys.

>> welcome back to "the five," it is time for your challenge. we'll test our knowledge of interesting feedbacks of the holiday season. i do not know the answers just like jesse didn't. >> which of these actors have not played santa before? >> kirk russell or liam nees neeson. the answer is c. liam neeson. >> your c is low t. >> which president started the tradition of having a christmas tree in the white house? benjamin harrison or

teddy roosevelt or john adams. >> put the names backup again. the answer is - jesse, we are doing terrible. the answer is benjamin harrison. >> how many times does the sunrise at the north pole each year? 356 or 12 or 1. >> who cares? >> i will say a. what's the answer? c, one time a year. >> that's it. >> i didn't know that. >> that's very interesting. >> we should go that day. >> that would be amazing. >> on average, how much do pet owners spend on their pets over the holidays. a, $26, or b, $122.

. >> the answer is b. $122. in spain, it is a tradition to eat what food at midnight on new year's eve? bananas, grapes, or fish? >> this terrible at night. >> i know, who's going to kiss you? >> it is grapes. it is grapes. you eat 12 grapes at midnight. >> i didn't look because i know because i know about spain. >> did you go to spain? >> i am there. [laughter] >> i am there in spirit. yes. >> what gift to give on the ninth day of christmas? >> i am going to go with c. it is ladies dancing. >> we sang it last night with my kids. we do a big thing with in-laws and everybody. >> surviving the rest of us.

>> what u.s. state has a town called santa claus? >> i am going to go with pennsylvania. >> yeah, pennsylvania. >> indiana. >> i got it, i got it. >> i have been looking at states. >> should they change the name? its got indian in it. should it be native american? >> the wait is almost over. our spectacular secret santa gift exchange when we come back.

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>> merry christmas, it is the moment we have been waiting for. our secret santa gift exchange. before we go around the table. greg, i understand you have a special holiday gift. >> yes, i do. >> will you take one and pass it down? >> yes, i do. >> i like the paper.

>> just open it, dana. >> yes. is it enough for all of us? >> yes, i got it for everyone. >> did you wrap it? >> the calendar is all in beautiful places. [laughter] >> yes, this is great. >> what do we have in may? >> look at may. >> there you go. it is in every beautiful area there is a dog pooping. >> there is one in tokyo and october. >> oh, i can't wait for august. >> august is going to be a good month. >> greg, that's so special. >> thank you for being in beautiful places. >> i can't wait to put this on my wall. >> look at may. this dog looks petrified. >> the dog is looking at the camera, honestly, can i have a moment? >> thank you, greg! >> let's start with secret

santa and i will go first. this is my first gift here. >> i don't know if you will be able to guess. >> oh, that's cute. >> harold, what am i? >> you are just so happy to be around the table. >> would you look at your hair, judge? fantastic. >> that was today, actually. >> where are you? >> did you take me off? >> yes, it is a sign. >> you colonizer. >> this is my second. this is a yard sign. >> i can't imagine what it says. >> it starts now. >> it starts now. >> yeah! the colonizer harold for junior. >> i am going to put it up. >> my third gift, thank you,

greg. >> my third gift is - oh, a little prince guitar. >> prince? >> a little purple. i like that. >> yes, you can put it up on your desk. >> this is going up my office like the book we got last year. my fourth gift, i got album cover here. >> it says "i am still in love with you." >> it is one of the greatest albums of all time. >> oh, yeah, you got a little stack here. >> that's some soul jazz record. one of the best labels in the world. >> you got me memphis. i like this. >> yes, curtis singing the great memphis hit. >> where did you find this one? >> stranded record which is on the lower east side. >> this is really interesting. i know you like memphis. this is cleveland from thes

is' 60s and early '70s. >> what you got me last year, i can play it on my record player. thank you, brother. love you and merry christmas to you. >> it is like when you make somebody a mix when you love. >> i am like john cusack in saying anything. >> oh, rapunzell. >> the first one is a big one. let's do this, america. >> oh, i don't fit into this. >> oh. a little dog travel. >> that's right. >> who got me this in >> oh, the judge. >> she knew. this is amazing. i think he still fits in there. if not, i will use it myself. that's number three. number four, number two. if this is a taylor swift's album, i have to throw it at

you. >> oh. look at this. it is little pictures -- >> do you see how good looking that is? >> aw, look at that, i can put a record in it. >> he's pooping on the back. >> number three. i am beginning to think that this may be a vape. >> yeah. >> it is a tiny little box. that's in here? >> it is ear plugs. >> you get a little passionate, judge. >> i know what this is. i can feel a frame. it better be you. >> registration deed. lord, greg gutfeld. oh, noble title from the royal family. >> since you were "king of

late night," we are taking you into international. >> nice! >> that's your first step. >> yeah, well, never mind, i was going to say something disgusting about prince harry. [laughter] >> merry christmas. >> thank you, dear! >> those are good. >> yeah! >> i am up. >> number one here, is this is a bracelet? >> those are spanish earrings because you went to spain. >> i went to spain and yes - oh, thank you, now i got hoops. >> oh, they're great. >> >> nice hoops! i goat hoops. >> they are nice. >> number two is here. it is a calendar. for organization?

>> oh,i know what's on the back. >> dana says she could not get her schedule together with peter, so we got her a full calendar so you guys can get on the same thing. >> and you can erase it. now, he won't ask me are you coming home for lunch? he'll know. that's when he'll know that you are away. >> that's actually possible. >> better get to work early, dana. [laughter] >> and a calendar for us. >> an actual calendar with the first day on the beach. oh, this is where peter won me the seagull. >> number four here, >> a lot of calendars. >> i am going to be so organized. >> oh, did he sign that? >> oh, the gravel and gold a bum. that's awesome. >> we'll go to a concert

together. >> i love it. thank you. >> you are going to keep it under your pillow. >> i am going to put it on my calendar. >> thank you. >> welcome! >> okay, up next. number one from santa. it is cold. what is it, ice? >> oh, god, it is oreo cream. you know i will eat it. you know it is cold. is this from you? >> i will eat that. >> i don't care, i will eat it directly from the bag. >> like cup cakes? >> three of the things you like in your home. >> oh, i love it. >> thank you. >> mimic ki model. >> oh, there is a white one. >> oh, it is salt and pepper. >> this was sir lance alot.

>> oh, i love it. >> one of the things you know so well -- shoes. >> i love it. what a great book. oh, is there shoes in there? >> oh, it is a book. >> of the museum. this thing must way 30 pounds. >> parachute? >> rendezvous ribs from tennessee. >> you always talk about ribs and i am always hungry

for ribs. oh my god. >> that's great. that's fabulous. >> how thoughtful? thank you, harold, i love you. whatever i said about the democrats. >> she's for sale. >> you got two slabs. >> some good fellas. >> bring in the meat. >> thank you. thank you! thank you so much. >> by process of elimination. >> oh my god - >> yes, this is a smart sleep assistant. johnny, you are fired. usually johnny would roll me over. you know how i like to get in here at 3:45. >> like dana. >> p.m. >> yeah, it looks nice. oh, you know how much i love trophies and plaques. >> you deserve this. >> this is because you did not cheat in the egg and

spoon race. >> that's right. [laughter] >> take that pearce more gone. >> trump is really the president. [laughter] >> congratulations. thank you very much peter, suck an egg. >> there is one more gift that does not fit on the table. i think they're going to bring it in. >> oh! >> what do we have here? >> i hope it is not the dog you gave away. >> it is the dog i gave away. [laughter] >> what? >> thank you! >> thank you, thank you! i love you, i love you. >> it is home. it is home. >> this one will be nice and healthy for you. >> no heart issues. >> my own bernie-doodle. >> you can have doodle for any weekend you want. >> this is nice, i am going to keep it on the set with

you. >> didn't greg do that? >> open for business. >> we'll take a quick break and more of our christmas special when we come back. >> merry christmas. >> merry christmas. ♪ ♪ ♪ the all-in-one and done symptom relief of mucinex is delivered fast with doordash, so you don't have to leave the couch. oof! that was fast. mucinex. available on doordash. it's comeback season.

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>> greg: hey there, merry christmas. what is your favorite one. >> dana: dierks bentley signed album. >> greg: all right, jesse. >> jesse: i love the stuffed animal. so sweet. thank you so much, dana. i'm going to get a lot more sleep now that i have my aid. >> dana: jesse jr. is going to live on that dog. >> harold: al greene i'm going to play on the record player. this one right here is special. dana, look at you in this chair. >> dana: i look good. >> harold: look at judge judge

jeanine. >> harold: look at jesse and greg. >> greg: i told them i had to be the best-looking. >> dana: they look a lot alike. >> judge jeanine: shoe book and jonathan. ribs i can't wait to make for the holidays. the oreo stuffing i'm going to hang myself if i eat it. i won't fit into anything. did you like that. >> greg: i love this. this is going to be great. that means i actually have no excuse anymore to travel. >> judge jeanine: the handle lifts, actually. >> greg: tilt. >> jesse: not bad that will work. merry christmas. >> merry christmas. >> greg: that's it for us. thanks for joining us. merry christmas, everyone. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> christmas is supposed to be a time to come