♪ >> sean: unfortunately that's all the time we have left. thank you for joining us from our new permanent home, the free state of florida. please set your dvr. time never changes, 9:00 eastern. join us, don't ever miss an episode set your dvr. in the meantime let not your heart be troubled, greg gutfeld standing by to put a smile on your face. have a great night. ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> greg: we're going to have a good time. yes, yes, keep going. don't stop you bastards. all right. thank you. happy, happy new year, everyone. wow. it's been quite a year, cue the nexio. >> 2024 a look back. >> greg:. >> greg: it's been some year that 2024. it went so fast. so let's look back, shall we? well, first there's this from last year's new year's eve. ♪ i'm not a part of the maga agenda ♪ >> greg: i didn't know green day tribute bands were a thing and they all and to be middle-aged lesbians.

you go girls. anyway if there's one thing we learned about 2024 is these so-called punks are about as punk as brit hume in leather khakis. the real rebels don't mimic the establishment they threaten it like trump or vivek or yes even me. fact is billy joe armstrong is about as rebellious at your 401-k. hell, barbie has more balls than him. of course that same night joe had to be reminded of his favorite foot. >> i'm curious, what sort of holiday foods have you been enjoying the last several days. >> i've been eating everything in front of me. i've eaten pasta which i love, eaten a lot of chicken, chicken parmesan all italian foods. >> and ice cream. >> and ice cream, chocolate chip ice creams. >> now he needs food cards. it's funny joe forgetting he likes ice cream is like hunter

forgetting he likes crack. did you see jill's dress? looks like a jewel smeller had explosive diarrhea all over her. i think we know where she's getting her fashion advice. yeah. i can only hope she shaves her head. speaking of, harvard president claudine gay finally resigned. she made so many copies xerox should sue her for plagiarizing. of course she claims her resignation is due to racism. sorry babe you weren't fired because of racism you were hired because of racism. [cheers and applause] >> no white person -- thank you. thank you. as a white person, i can state that no white person ever could have gotten this far on her trumped-up credentials. no wonder reportedly the only thing keeping gay in her job was barack obama but you don't have to be a genius to figure this one out. i mean, take a look. [laughter] seriously you never

see them together. maybe that's what they meant when they said he was gay. [laughter]. >> greg:. >> greg: thank you. yeah, uh-huh. just asking questions. now you'd think after last year the media might learn their lesson but nbc started 2024 off in a typical fashion. their new year's resolution let's create more racial hate. the nbc feed quoted a new study outlines how white people's migration during and after the civil war bolstered white supremacy and institutional racism in non-slave states. got that? we fought a war to end slavery which caused white supremacy. this is a good time to remind you the media is now a mental illness. because that thesis is more upside down than a sleeping bat. here's what's weird. that article was from last june.

so the first thing nbc pushed at 7:00 a.m. to start the year was a race-baiting piece that was over a half a year old. thanks for that nbc. we're off to a great start. guess one civil war wasn't enough for you. jackasses. anyway. that leads us to the perpetual protester. last week these hamasholes hit both -- [laughter]. >> greg: hit both the world trade centerer and the holocaust museum. my advice don't let them take pilot classes, please. they also started off 2024 by blocking traffic at new york airports on one of the bigiest travel days of the year. so we know what they are, they're losers, they're bad people and yet we ask over and over again why do they continue to alienate the public which is the opposite of winning hearts and minds. 's the wrong question. hearts and minds respect what they're after. the audience isn't you or me but planet smart phone. smart phone.

talk about a misnomer, nothing screams intelligence like watching a tik tok clip two00 times of a yorkey pissing on someone's christmas tree. but by using social media and blasting their visuals worldwide they give the illusion that they're having a real impact foe meanting at infa at that time a which generates more protests, it's organized to mimic an organic global uprising sorry people your anger and frustration are of no important unless you tackle a protester of course restricting your right to travel, then of course you'll go to jail. but if you miss your mom's birthday or job interview or can't get your wife to the hospital, who cares. worldwide the pro hamas population gobbles it up like and a navarro over a bowl of cookie batter. it's global brain washing and it works at least among the west badly educated naive students who wear table cloths from pizza hut over their heads. they don't realize they're hated by those they champion who think

of them as useful idiots. my suggestion the next time the clones go to jfk put them on planes to the middle east. tuck the chant from the river to the sea when you're falling off roof. and what of the border? as democrat mayors still moan about their overrun cities they blame texas governor abbott instead of biden. but how rich is that, that these idiots describe these migrants as coming from texas. they aren't they're coming from other countries you [bleep]. why is it wrong when texas sends migrants to chicago, but not chile sending migrants to texas. despite that get ready for good news as the media tries to lift joe biden's sagging campaign. suddenly crimes will be down jobs up inflation imaginary and illegal immigrants will dwindling. murder victims will come back to life just in time to vote. ukraine will drop out of sight like joy behar's feet.

[laughter] >> greg: suddenly dems will start sounding like republicans while call actual republicans nazis. in campaign politics this is known as narrative spin. but to the rest of us it's known as utter [bleep]. so that's the year in review and it's only a few days old. but why wait until 2025 to reveal 2024. after all you don't need to hear more about 2023, that year is as over as claudine gay's career. until she ends up on a show on msnbc. so hide your scripts, joy reid. [cheers and applause] >> period! >> greg: let's welcome tonight's guests. his new year's resolution is to leave some women for the rest of us. comedian joe machi! [cheers and applause] >> greg: he puts the oblong in rob long. tv writer and producer rob long. clever. as a judge and comedian he's two

things that joe machi isn't, actor and commodeian vince august [cheers and applause] >> greg: you wrote that by the way. and her new year's resolution is to pretend these intros are funny. new york times best selling author and fox news contributor kat timpf! [cheers and applause] >> greg: all right, joe. are you looking back at 2024, how's it been for you specifically and for the country? >> joe: wow. what a year it has been so far, greg. it has really caught me off guard. if you'd have told me in 2023 that i was going to ring in the new year with green day and paul ave anka i would have said aren't they all dead but i'm not going to be cut off the rest of 2024 so i made predictions of what's goes to happen. first i think joe biden wins the presidential election at the villages retirement community. [laughter] >> joe: taylor swift and travis

kelce will be splitsville because they got sick of themselves. and it's bad news for meghan markle and prince harry. they're going to remain harry. [laughter] >> greg: excellent post predictions of 2024. it's very confusing, rob. you had an eventful 2024. you had a very successful show on fox nation. >> rob: thank you, on january 8th, back on january 8th to keep up this stupid bit you had. whatever, had a show on fox nation called history of the world, it's very funny and a lot of fun. >> greg: is that why you grew the beard to look more like a history professor. >> vince: i grew the beard because i have horrible skin condition but thank you for bringing it up. i guess in 2024 you work through a lot of stuff. that was your thing. >> greg: yes. i'm still cruel. >> rob: oh, good, you kept that. >> greg: yes, yes. how do you feel about claudine gay's resignation?

>> rob: i feel like the rest of america, more harvard president news screams america. who cares. >> greg: i care. >> rob: do you really? >> greg: yes. i'll tell you why. >> rob: okay. in anticipation. >> greg: it's emblematic of the destruction that dei and msg in all entities it infects. she was not qualified for the job. >> rob: here's what i think about her. >> greg: i agree greg. >> rob: sorry. boy it's been a really big year for you, lot of changes. you know, she's not -- this is really diversity. >> greg: yeah. >> rob: her melatonin level is sort of high, right, because her parents were haitian immigrants but she went to the second best high school in the country and then stanford or harvard. she's not like -- this is not disadvantaged youth they gave a shot at. she's not the reason the people who started affirmative action started it. it's incredibly distorted until

now we have women -- by the way i'm kind of a smart guy, right? so i actually tried to read some of the stuff she wrote. have you read it? it's like. >> greg: it's impossible. >> rob: it's impossible. i don't understand a word of it and i feel like no one read it. >> greg: yes. >> rob: until a few months ago. everybody said okay yeah you're a ph.d. nobody bothered to read the sentences. >> vince: i actually read it the first time it came out when it was written by the original author. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> greg: they live in the same loop where they're basically log rolling, right? they're like, you know, if you're doing gender studies or whatever like that, you know it's all [bleep], right? how do you feel about this? were you shocked? >> vince: i'm looking for her new books you can't joke about that and the king of late night. so i guess there was just a point where harvard looked and said, look, you have to fall on the sword. our numbers are down, we're not

getting in money and in the end that's all it's about. it's about admissions and keeping that money going and when your top donors are like yeah, i'm not going donate money to you, it's time for you to go. >> greg: yeah, she cost harvard a billion dollars in one quarter. >> vince: and that's all that matters, yeah. >> greg: she should call pelosi to get that money back. >> vince: they all have high morale standards, ethical standards all about dei until it becomes about money and then it's like oh, you know what? it's actually not that important anymore. >> greg: yeah. but they stood by her and i'm telling you, they wouldn't have -- if it was you, rob, white guy they wouldn't have stood by you they'd throw you out on your bearded butt. >> joe: i'm diverse. >> greg: i forgot >> joe: that's true you have a tail. quite adorable. >> joe: it completely works. >> greg: all right, kat, what are your thoughts on any part of the monologue? do you want to start with

claudine? >> kat: sure. i wish i could -- i also wish that people let me interview people. because i would love to ask her, okay, what do you think plagiarism is. because she's doing this grand thing of racism and i didn't do this and i stand by the integrity of my work. how much worse would it be if she was actually right and she actually never bothered to learn what plagiarism really was and she was just expelling all these kids and she was like, yep, you did a plagiarism. she didn't realize she's been doing the same thing all along. because you can't just turn in someone else's work whether there's quotes around it or not you're supposed to provide something new to the conversation. so people get so wrapped up into she plagiarized she should have been fired, no she shouldn't have, the race, this, that. what do you think you did then. what is plagiarism and how is what you did different. no one ever asked that. >> greg: they tried to substitute the word with

duplicative. >> duplicative. i'm here. >> the head of harvard is held to a higher standards of comedians because if someone steals a joke we trash each other we're all over it you get called hacks. but if you're in higher education we'll let it slide. let that degree pass through. >> greg: it's true. >> she did it a dozen times, not like she made one mistake she did it a dozen times practically this was a pattern. when robin williams would inadvertently use someone's material, he would give them money, like 20 grand, he would give you cash, he would say i'm so sorry i heard your show and did your joke. i don't know many standups that are like well, i'm still mad at you. you take the money, you do the right thing. >> greg: yeah. all right, we'll move on. i would be broke. up next why the clintons aren't smiling after epstein court filings. ♪ >> if you'll be in the new york area and would like free tickets to see gutfeld go to foxnews.com/gutfeld and click on

the link to join our studio audience. try new robitussin lozenges with real medicine and find your voice. you know? we really need to work on your people skills.

air bus [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you. so good to be back. i bet you will never guess who flew on the lolita express. former president bill clinton will reportedly be unmasked as doe 36. in jeffrey epstein court documents expected to be released this week. this of course comes as a total surprise to absolutely no one. and by no one, i mean her. according to abc news clinton was mentioned in more than 50 of the redacted filings. only 50? someone needs more balance of nature.

i know what you're thinking that's a lot of frequent flyer miles to peed 0 island but many of those instances pop up only in conversation specifically whether or not to subpoena clinton as part of an old lawsuit. however one of epstein's victims says she actually saw bill clinton go off into the night with a beautiful woman on each arm. hmm. a beautiful woman on each arm. well i guess we know it wasn't hillary and chelsea. yeah, when they go off into the night it's on a 2-seated broom. for his part, bill has always denied being on the island, but he also denied many things leak having sexual relations with that woman. and hating his wife. you don't deserve that joke. we actually obtained some of the court documents though and here are some names that only got partially unmasked.

like this one here. [laughter] >> greg: i wonder who that could be. i don't know. then there's this one. [laughter] >> greg: this is a puzzler. [laughter] >> greg: this one. apparently he was only there for the snacks. [laughter] >> greg: and i don't know what this one is. let's see. i have no idea. that is clearly a typo! rob, what are your thoughts here? do you think the shoe has dropped? the good thing about this is, is that we saw so many fake list ons twitter so now we're going to get the real thing. >> rob: nobody's surprised bill clinton ton was on that island, like fox news alert. guess what, the names on the list are people we know. there is a a difference of people on the island and people on the plane. names of people on the plane that include some -- >> greg: you're saying the plane

went somewhere else like -- >> well, donald trump was on the plane once or twice coming back from miami or coming somewhere, so these things -- this is all going to come out. the reality about this stuff is what's amazing to me is this is a really really rich guy, nobody's ever explained to me where money came from, nobody knows where the money came from and all these other rich people go on the island and nobody ever asked, what did he invent? what did he make? nobody knows, knew anything about this guy. would you actually go to somebody's island who you didn't know how they got rich? that's like a bond movie. >> greg: absolutely i i i would never do that. >> greg: if i knew they were footing the bill i would be there. >> rob: it's like you're hunted by game. >> greg: that's my dream. >> i think the better question is how did they get bill clinton off the island? i mean, once he was there -- >> greg: right. >> vince: right.

it's like bill you have to leave sooner or later, bill. >> greg: do you think epstein killed himself? >> vince: you know, the evidence is so overwhelming that he was by himself in his cell and there's no one else in around and he was so distraught after all those years of molesting kids he called down to the guards and said can you help me kill myself. no doubt about it. everything in the jail breaks that could see this guy and next morning he wakes up has a broken leg broken arm strangled himself to death, there's a gun somewhere. come on. that was a nice clinton almost murder. >> greg:. >> greg: yes. kat, what do you make of this story? what do you make of these revelations? never mind what rob long said about it not being a big deal. we work at fox let me remind you >> kat: well, i think maybe we might have been a little hard on hillary clinton for not being able to be relatable when she

was running for president. because, like, it's not what my life is like. like what was over christmas she was probably like sweetie, grandpa's a little stressed out right now 'cause all the speculation he took a private jet to a place ca known as pedo island. that's not what my life was like over the holidays. most people wasn't like that. rob is right where this has been discussed so many times that for most people, for average people it's just this crazy salacious thing. but like they knew this guy. they hung out with this guy, you know, maxwell was at chelsea clinton's wedding after he was convicted of the sex crimes with minors the first time. so i don't know how you can like get -- of course she can't get in front of a camera and be like i'm just like you. no, you're not. >> greg: did epstein refer to it as pedophile island? that's terrible marketing?

>> yeah >> kat: depends who you're talking to apparently. >> greg: exactly. some people it's like it's happy island and the other one is like pedophile island. joe is it true that you frequently visited epstein's island? >> joe: no, greg, that is not true. if i were on epstein's island i would have blown the whistle on that whole operation immediately the second i saw a bunch of unsupervised teen-agers hanging around a swimming pool. okay? that is a recipe for horseplay. >> kat: horseplay. >> joe: and the only chicken fights i like are ones over leftover popeye's. i'll say this, greg, it seems to me like bill clinton, what's the point of getting rich by bilking haiti with your fake charity if you're going to take free rides on other people's planes. you know? and, yeah, i get why people are curious about this because there were all these pedestrian files visiting this island and they have one mysterious dead guy and

one conviction. >> greg: yeah it's crazy. >> my question is, how was the island? was it nice? >> greg: it's overrated. you know what you guys want to do, after the show, read my yelp review. i only gave it 2.5 stars. they were rude to me. anyway, up next, some biker punks attack a tv hunk. [cheers and applause] so... - we're engaged! - we're engaged! congrats carol! your youngest finally popped the question. but now, you're really going to have to get those new dentures.

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♪ it's coming your way, hey hey, it's video of the day ♪ >> greg: yeah! [cheers and applause] >> greg: some tiny bikers wanted a go at a guy from 90210, today's video comes from america's anus otherwise known as los angeles. actor ian the blond guy from beverly hills was attacked at daylight by a group of bikers

while he was stopped at a red light. roll it tmz. >> watch the car. watch my car. >> greg: ha ha, his pants fell down. who are these pikes for? they're so tiny. was there a reunion of little people big world? and one of the bikers is wearing a pink barbie jacket. are we sure that's not dana perino? she does run with a bad crowd after falling in with kat. he said his 10-year-old daughter was with him in the car when approached by the gang. thankfully he and his daughter were unharmed but to understand what happened we should bring in the experts. >> tuesday night fights with

tyrus. >> oh, no, it's the helpless angels. no, it's a tricycle squad of mystery attack -- oh, they're taking a swing and they've messed with a wrong one. this is a veteran from back in the day, star of 90210, he has one down, here comes the girlfriend, she's not there. swing and a miss. he doesn't miss leg days because he's uphills from in the hills you may have to change his name tom [bleep] around and find out. these bikers fight like they still have training wheels on. no more mustard top. this might have been the worst case of bikers attacks i've ever seen in my entire life but thank goodness he's okay. [cheers and applause] tuesday night fights with tyrus. >> greg: all right, vince, there was contention on the five over whether this was self-defense because he didn't really need to get out of his car. i contend that as a dad he had

to protect his daughter and he had to get out and fight. the judge jeanine said i was wrong. >> rob: regardless of whether you were right or wrong this is the best episode of 90210 in my life. if this was on i would have watched it. this is the thing, put your lawyer hat on, if you're in your car and safe technically you're not supposed to get out of the car. he said he got out to see what the damage was and while he was on his way to survey the damage he threw a punch at one of the people. listen, if you're in that situation stay in your car don't get out especially if you have a 10-year-old kidney the car no point getting out. and when he did get out he runs across the street and further abandons his daughter. yeah, i think he's going to be charged with endangering the welfare of a minor by his own kid. >> greg: do you think he was trying to draw the gang away from his daughter? i. >> vince: but you don't leave your kid behind.

>> greg: that's what bill said about pedo island. >> vince: right. i'm not going to justify what the kids did on the mopeds they're just trying to deliver food or whatever they're trying to do and i guess he's got a thing against hey look i don't want domino's on time i want that pizza free. i don't know what the hell was happening there but look stay in your car don't get out of your car because it's not going to end well for anybody. >> greg: kat you're in the car and either your dad or cam, what would you tell them to do if your car was being surrounded by these malignant thugs on their tiny little bikes circling it, circling your car? making noises >> kat: i probably wouldn't notice because i would be on my phone. i don't -- it's just very interesting how bad they all are at fighting. could we like roll it again. i was watch -- like there's many more of them than just the one. they're all kind of haphazardly

doing this. >> greg: look at your flailing arms >> kat: i know exactly. >> greg: you just reminded me of those things >> kat: inflatable things at the car, i have gotten that before. >> greg: you should be at an auto parts store >> kat: i know i put in my application but that thing is not to be paid minimum wage. did any of them really want to hit him because they get to him and they're like, i don't know, there's something weird going on here. >> greg: i feel, joe, that he was an inspiration. the dads are finally waking up to america's crime problem and he's had enough. he's a message to the rest of america. what say you, members only man? >> joe: yeah, you mess with that guy you're going to have to mess with gabrielle cartares. >> greg: wow. meek me at the peach pitt. >> wow. >> joe: this vindicates me by only traveling by roller blade. most of the attacks i have to worry about are just from

homophobes. but this was more embarrassing for the scooter gang as i like to call them because imagine having to go tell your friends about that later. hey we got into a fight from a guy from 90210. did you win? not really. was it jason priestly? no. i bet like a lot of actors were still jealous because that was a lot of screen time that he got. you know, brian austin green has to get divorced to be on tv that much. >> wow, you're a 90210 fan. >> joe: no. >> rob: i wasn't there. >> greg: no, you weren't. >> rob: i don't know what happened looking at that tape. two words. >> greg: what? >> rob: jussie smollett. it's a little bit like he runs away and there's a lot of slapping and now i'm thinking to

myself i haven't seen ian in a while. >> greg: sharknado. >> joe: it's been a while. action figures. you could see people in my business saying, let's get ian here to read this. >> greg: i think this is a real fight i don't think you can choreograph that. and i have to say as a 59-year-old, i'm 59 as well, i was quite impressed with his stamina to throw these people around, you know? no. >> i think he's a talented actor and there's an enormous amount of training that goes into making a fight look good. i agree you would have turned tail and run in a second. >> greg: i would agree? i didn't say that. >> rob: and your kids would be -- i guess he left his kids, too. but all of your loved ones you would abandon in a second. >> greg: i don't dispute that. >> rob: mostly because you don't have any loved ones. assuming you had any human connections, they would be gone. >> greg: wow. that didn't end well for mow.

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♪ [cheers and applause] >> greg: thank you. stop it. he wants to teach gym class while sitting at home on his ass. but should a school care if its gym teacher is too fat to climb stairs. a 400 pound michigan man is suing wane state university for a million dollars for not allowing him to teach phys ed remotely. apparently he was a student in the school's kinesiology program and the only thing to complete was the student teaching requirement. he has a doctor's note though saying because of his diabetes hypertension and asthma he couldn't stand or walk for prolonged periods. hmm. but he said the university discriminating against him by denying to accommodate his health issues and let him teach from home. is that possible?

how can he teach physical fitness from a couch. fact is, whether you like it or not, there's something to meritocracy you need to be able to do the job in order to be considered for the job. unfortunately in today's world that's not the case, a housebound obese man teaching pe? what's next? kamala teaching public speaking? [laughter] >> greg: stevie wonder teaching driver's ed? lack baldwin teaching workplace safety? lia thomas teaching women's study. brian kilmeade. a chick teaching math. >> a sexist would say. >> greg: hell today you can be a fitness instructor even if your idea of doing crunches is this. and sorry, when you say you do 50 squats a day, they really don't count if they're over the toilet. j

joe. kat, is this unfair to him. i mean how can you teach kids fis ed if you're not capable of teaching it >> kat: i don't know. gym teachers respect usually in good shape. they're people that have been in good shape and that's the only way they can cling onto their pass when things were going well. also i think he can be a better gym teacher you can just put him on the camera and be like run kids. do you want to be too fat to go to work some day? i would probably run faster. no, obviously you have to be able to go to work to do the job but that could be maybe a different kind of gym class. because that might scare you if you don't like moving around looking at that. you might want to. >> greg: yeah, but he can get out of his field of vision and do terrible things like they did to me in gym class. we won't get into that, that will be for my special on fox nation. joe what if a comedian sues a comedy club who won't let him perform because he wants to do

it by zoom and not tell jokes? >> joe: that would ruin my retirement plan because i really want to take it easy. but like kat said, a lot of gym teachers aren't very healthy. some of mine were either fat or smoked cigarettes and the gym teachers were usually like the dumbest of the teachers, too, but there was things you could learn from them like if you're fat and unhealthy, don't be a gym teacher, be a comedian. [laughter] >> joe: my advice to him is it's not the problem of being accommodated, he's asking to be accommodated? what he should do is ask for a golf cart. >> greg: right. >> joe: then he can just drive around while the other people are comprising. >> greg: you just solved the whole problem. >> joe: uh-huh. yeah. >> greg: wow, rob. [cheers and applause] >> greg: but, you know,' interesting almost all problems can be solved with a golf cart. >> rob: really true probably have his lunch trailing behind it. i don't know how you could

really do the job of being a gym teacher on zoom. how are you going to believe the gay kids. isn't that the job of a gym teacher, pick the vulnerable ones and make fun of them. how do you do that? you have to show up to do that. you have to put in the time greg. or just the ones, i'm sure, we don't have to get into it. i'm sure you didn't love gym class. >> greg: i don't think i had gym class. well, we called it pe. >> rob: yeah. did you get a note. >> greg: no i participated >> kat: i hated it. when we played dodge ball i would get hit on purpose so i could sit down. >> greg: it's hard to hit you because you're skinny >> kat: i would run right into it. >> greg: there you go. vince you're a judge which means you were also a lawyer. does this guy have a case. he's a 400 pound man we haven't even talked about that. he has obesity-related illnesses and he's kept from teaching pe. how can that be the school's fault? >> vince: you have to actually show that that's the reason why

they didn't hire him. he can't just say that that's the reason why. i mean, it's like going to a club and saying you don't like me because i'm bald it's like no, you're not funny. you have to prove the thing first off. with regards to everything we're talking about, you need to do all the qualifications. look, we see coaches in all kinds of young sports that can't do the thing. how many dads are out there coaching little league that they were never good at it and they're yelling at kids. so i don't think you need to do it like great but you should be able to stand up and actually go to work. like there's that part of it. you should have to go to the job. the job shouldn't have to come to you every time and you should meet a lot of the qualifications. you can't say look i want to be in the navy but i want to be stationed in north dakota. i don't like water. i don't like boats. i'm more of a land navy guy. so, you know, you have to check some of the boxes. >> greg: yeah. i want to just defend my home without making me part of the

military. i come here every night to do this show, you know, and i have a lot of obstacles in order to get here. but i still get here. i could do this from my housement i could. but i don't because i love all of you. [cheers and applause] >> greg: except for you. i don't love you. wasn't that beautiful? no one cares. up next, you'll sleep like a log on a bed for a dog. [cheers and applause] ucing the d edition disney collection from blendjet. nine exciting designs your whole family will adore blendjet 2 is portable, which means you can blend up nutritious smoothies, protein shakes, or frozen treats, just about anywhere! recharge quickly via usb-c. it even cleans itself. order yours now from blendjet.com and bring a little disney into your life.

♪ a story in five words ♪ >> greg: five words. a dog bed for humans. show this thing. all right, vince, a company created a human sized dog bed for people that cost $500. is this perverse? >> vince: this is probably the whitest story i've ever seen in my life. call tyrus, get me charlie payne. let me tell you something. china attack now. this is when you want to attack. this is it. we've hit rock bottom as a country, open doors come get us. >> greg: yes. what do you think joe? this is probably better than the bed you have right now? >> joe: it's not better than the bed i have right now. but i don't understand why it's

$500? does michael jordan sleep in this bed after he wins the basketball game? that's not the dog product -- >> greg: what? that's a hell of a reference. >> joe: i don't understand like all the products for dogs the only one i'm interested in is the milk bone that cleans your teeth. >> greg: it's true. they don't have a milk bones for adults we wouldn't have to brush our teeth. >> joe: that would be perfect. i'm busting my ass over here. [laughter] >> greg: you just invented somebody and if you weren't so lazy you could be a billionaire. rob, it maximizes comfort and fosters a sense of security. >> rob: so does bourbon. >> greg: yes. >> rob: i think the whole story summed up in the look on that dog's face which is get me the [bleep] out of here. >> yeah. >> rob: i want out of here so bad. sos, torture, blinking.

i actually -- i shouldn't even make jokes. i love the direction we're going in. i cannot wait until they come up with a $500 dog crate for humans. i'm investing in that one. >> greg: yes. you can keep your gimp in there. >> what? >> greg: kat, i sleep with my dog but it's my bed and it's not his bed. this seems like it's crossing the line into the animal kingdom. although my dog is a male so that might make me gay. but i don't know if that counts >> kat: no, that doesn't make you gay. >> greg: okay. >> kat: not that. [laughter] >> kat: no, this is sick. like people -- the fact that people bought this and they want -- like why? why? like i'm never jealous of my dog's bed. >> greg: no >> kat: which is -- my dog also sleeps in my bed because my bed

is better and even dogs know that. >> i'm tell you a hundred percent the look on that dog's face is the same look on one of those girls that bill clinton ton walked away with. >> it's a sleeping bag get me out of here >> kat: if i walk in someone's house and they have that i'm turning around and walking right out. >> greg: what's that doing right in the middle of your living room >> kat: it's my dog bed where i pretend i'm my dog. >> greg: there's only one thing you can do in that and it's spoon and that's just perverted. don't go away we'll be right back new pronamel active shied actively shields the enamel to defend against erosion and cavities. i think that this product is a gamechanger for my patients- it really works.

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the combat symptoms and boosts immunity. biovanta really works. >> greg: out of time. thanks to joe machi, rob long, vince august, kat timpf, our great studio audience. fox news at night with dreamy trace gallagher is next. i'm greg gutfeld, i love you america! [cheers and applause]. >> trace: good evening and happy new year. i'm trace gallagher, it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast, 8:00 here in los angeles and