>> ♪ ♪ >> sean: unfortunately that's all the time we have left this evening. thanks for being with us and making this show possible. set your dvr to never miss "hannity." let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld is standing by and will put a smile on your face. have a great night. we will see you tomorrow. >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> ♪ ♪

>> [cheering]. >> greg: yes! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: happy thursday, everybody! ha, ha, ha. okay accident all right. they use their might to spy on the right. a new report from the house judiciary committee reveal that during the justification of january 6th the feds searched for home grown violent extremists. jim jordan asked the banks to conduct the search using terms like trump and maga. to it track gun purchases they asked the banks to query terms like bass proshops and dick's sporting goods. in other words, you if bought

a jockstrap at dick's, you could have ended up on a federal target list of domestic violent extremist. i knit my own. it takes 2 balls of yarn. domestic violent extremist ises a mouthful. what the democrats really mean is republican. they justify this by investigation january 6th. i don't think anyone got more out of a single date than meghan markle went home it harry. the excuses are as weak as joe's

urine stream. they said the searches were begun under the previous administration. you are already in a hole. two more shovels full and joe and hunter can talk to their chinese partners face-to-face. if they were using trump and maga while trump was in office they were investigating the supporters of the sitting u.s. president. like john kerry after botox, that's not an improvement. our president heads the executive branch. the treasury is under that branch? >> so they were investigate their own boss. that's like kat was investigate me and no i wasn't licking the hair off your extensions. bank of america made them a list of folks who made credit card

transactions. customers who purchased a fire arm within a given date range. always use cash when participating on insurrection and sleep on shannon bream's couch. bank of america did this without of a warrant. they are more like stank of america. i don't use that bank. i h i have a nigerian prince who handles my mom. they are doing searches that turn up more innocents than targets. this is a valid use of the nation's investigative resources months after our cities practically burned to the ground during the 2020 summer of

brotherly love. bank of america said they were reacting to the treasury. an ice cream cone is the secret service name for joe biden. it's like if trump asked planned parenthood for the records on all women who had abortions. steve jensen ordered this purged. let's ask the fbi a question. you guys are investigate anyone

who had a previous gun purchase. did the name hunter ever come up? i should clarify. i mean the name hunter and not the noun hunter. or else you would have arrested this guy instead. yeah. that's donald trump, jr., on the right. according to fox digital the fbi declined comment. that's fed speak for lets get past november 5th. that won't cut it. this is like anal warts and joy reed, they just don't go away. show her picture. in the meantime there are lesowners -- lessons for those of us who disagree with the

administration. if you stood for the national anthem, watch your back and make sure your tax return returns are perfect. or live your life under the radar. assume an identity that is safe. register democrat and send a donation to planned parenthood or change your name to biden. hell, you won't even have to pay taxes. but you will have to pay 10% to daddy. tonight's guests. he looks and smells like a cashew. his tour starts in february. comedian jim norton. piers morgan. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: and she's been eating well since most birds through

south. kat timpf. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: and he triples his beard with a flock of sheep. world champion. jim as a noted legal scholar do you find these revelations about the doj using these search terms disturbing? do you worry about the feds looking at your search terms in private transactions? >> no, because i put what i am actually doing on the memo. like put down hooker. you mentioned anal warts. who hasn't had a few cases of those. >> greg: i ordered them on amazon. >> don't laugh.

they are delicious. is this crazy. i am starting to not trust the government. i don't like to feel that way. it's disgusting. whoever that fbi agent was that got rid of that supervisor, he did the right thing. not surprising. it's disgusting. >> greg: piers morgan, we see this overstep and apuce of power in your country. >> well, we had a great example of this. i wish i could take the high moral ground. we have a case involving nigel in the u.k. he was banking with the queen's banker. suddenly his account got deleted. gone. he asked why. wasn't told. eventually the reasons why leaked out. it wasn't for the reasons they say which he didn't hit a certain credit level.

it was because he was nigel a conservative with conservative views. he was obviously a racist. he won that case. the boss at the bank had to resign in a huge scandal. it's not just a problem here. it's a problem everywhere. the common thread is banks know everything about all of us. you think about everything you do a daily basis, all of it funnels through your bank. the feds here and banks in england behave like this is a shocking invasion of our lives and way more than we realize. >> greg: i keep my money in tyrus's socks. $80 million! kat, can you gloat all you want. this is what happens when you assume the government can be trusted in the area of surveillance so greenwall and julian was right all along.

comes back to the american citizen. >> of course. i am not surprised. there is no 4th amendment with financial records. the federal government did away with that decades ago with the justification of abuse of foreign bank accounts. they say that they need to protect you from this. law enforcement doesn't need a warrant to access your bank records. you can't expect privacy because you gave the information to a third party meaning the bank. try going through life without a bank account. that's why i am a libertarian. the main parties don't take the 4th amendment seriously. they will always use this for political reasons. don't give them that power.

when they say, security, safety, that's when you need to think okay, what are they trying to make me afraid of? what do they gain if they win? often this is what is going on. >> greg: thanks for the pre-applause. the banks after the beverly hillbillies. mr. drysdale. change your identity to become a liberal. >> in terms of parenthood they still find you. >> greg: [laughing]. maybe you should not do a national popular tv show. >> there are so many tyruss. it's a common name. we forget one thing. the government. the problem with the government is that people run it.

dirty people who decide they are saviors and know more than the taxpayers into. that's the problem in america. your story was great. somebody did something wrong to a conservative and they went to court and it was the law and the bad person lost his job! we have not got there yet in america. we are just rob the conservatives blind and that's it. you don't need to have fbi to check out what maga is buying. we all buy the same thing. a bunch of water. >> greg: [laughing]. >> ammunition for rifles. diet coke for those who are trying. and camouflage hats and a [bleep] ton of american flag. i love bass pro-shop.

i go there just to look at the alligators. i am having a great time. i will take endorsements but it's a great place. bring your kids to the bass pro-shop and see all of the stuff. kat is so right. we need to stop saying government and call these people out by their names. bad people hide behind fbi. say the names of the son of a bitch who is doing this. then we know where he is. >> greg: up next will cities crumble when populations tumble?

wowwww... this new charmin ultra soft smooth tear is soooo soft and soo smooth, i'm starting to get tearied away! ahhh, thank you mr. smooth bear. designed with smooth tear edges, new charmin ultra soft smooth tear has wavy perforations that tear so much better for a smooth more enjoyable go. mmmmm. huh? mom, you ok in there? i'm tear-ific! enjoy the go with charmin.

i bought the team! kevin...? i bought the team! i put it on my chase freedom unlimited card. and i'm gonna' cashback on a few other things too... starting with the sound system! curry from deep. that's caaaaaaaaash. i prefer the old intro! this is much better! i don't think so! steph, one more thing... the team owner gets five minutes a game. cash bros? woo! i like it. i'll break it to klay. cashback like a pro with chase freedom unlimited.

how do you cashback? chase, make more of what's yours.

>> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: ha, ha, ha. it's a scary future ahead when all of the cities will be dead.

a new study predict thousands of american cities will be ghost towns as young adults move out of rural towns leaving aging populations behind. balance of nature will be available on every street corner. scientists used existing population trends from the past to model the future. like madonna after standing too close to a space heater it's not looking good. half of 30,000 cities will experience a population decline which will bring challenges. they could use basic services like internet access which could result in every american's worst nightmare: no access to porn. smaller cities in the northeast and midwest will experience for depopulation.

the only ones not leaving new york are the rats. washington, d.c. would experience no loss of people at all. which is great news for their number 1 industry: carjacking. piers morgan, isn't the answer that maybe cities are no longer necessary? >> i quite like the idea of a ghost town in it new york. the people annoy me in new york. by the time it's a ghost town i will be 133. my general mobility around the ghost town might be limited. there is a serious point to this. a long running debate about whether we are over-populated or under-populated. elon musk has going against public opinion and saying we need more people.

this is why. he said we get to where it goes south quickly. that number of people removed from cities. the infrastructure, that starts to crumble. there is not a population element to this we should not disregard it. >> greg: we can disregard it, kat, because we will be dead. party! my head will be in a tank with nutrients feeding it. >> kat: i promised that would happen. i would not mind the decline of the city if they get a do is count. -- discount. the amount i pay in taxes you would think at the least i would not have to it pay such careful

tension to not step in [bleep]. >> greg: you should have a lower risk of getting knifed. >> yes. i don't know why people still live here that don't like have to live here for work. people, it's a big fun city. maybe if you are young. everything is so expensive. if something costs a lot i want to have fun. >> greg: true. we are paying for the misery, tyrus. you get it leave and go back to your home in a state i won't mention. >> louisiana. >> greg: okay. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: we are stuck here. you don't spend more than one moment in this city. >> you can't give me 6 seconds longer than i have to be. they have tried. greg is like there are cakes and prizes at the party friday night. [bleep]. when you hear studies like this. by the time it gets out to us

which means our government officials especially the woke, you can connect things. their war to the people mass exodus from big cities is illegal immigrants. they will flood them out. keep bringing people in. we have a human population problem. the places that can't sustain people have more than they can deal with. the places with a lot of people are getting robbed and raped and they are all leaving. cities will die because of lack of morality and supporting law enforcement. you create jobs you want a story i came to new york with a nickel and hope. the next story should not be that i was raped and i left. now i am running this. it costs so much just to

maintain. kat will have to go work for another network to get medications. i have 4 kids and i pick a favorite. you get new clothes this month. they audition for my love. times are tough. i am working for fox news and not fox. >> greg: oh! >> it's sag. this is a news network. no matter how funny you are they don't follow the same rules as sag. that's why i cut grass on the weekends in louisiana. >> [applauding]. >> greg: jim? i believe you love new york. we can live the life we saw in all of the apocalyptic movies. >> i drive around the lincoln tunnel and they don't stand there anymore. [laughing].

no many good times. this is not going away. you look at a driving city -- san francisco. >> [laughing]. >> beautiful! so nice to watch someone shoot heroin outside of the barbershop. at times square, where can a nice family come to be assaulted by a cartel member dressed like tickle me elmo. there is the tradeoff of crime. it will never cease to exist. in the '70s it was times square. it sucks but the cities will never go away. >> greg: there is a happy note from our friend jim. coming up why matt is perplexed with the female sex. works fast to eliminate migraine pain

treat it anytime, anywhere. without worrying where you are or if it's too late. do not take with strong cyp3a4 inhibitors. allergic reactions to ubrelvy can happen. most common side effects were nausea and sleepiness. migraine pain relief starts with u. ask about ubrelvy. learn how abbvie could help you save.

>> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪

>> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> [laughing]. >> greg: nice! welcome to chick science. why jack is better than jill finding the hill. a new study finds that men are better with directions than women. true if columbus was a woman he will have discoveredant artica. the reason may surprise you. previous theories suggested evolution played a part in man's spatal awareness.

they had to go far from home and women stayed closer to home as gatherers. but this new research claims it comes down to how kids are raised. society encourages boys to play outside more than girls allowing them to develop navigational skills. they claim biology doesn't matter and everything is the fault of evil male patriarchy. do parents say billy go outside and play but bonnie stay inside and fire up that easy bake oven. it was the reverse where i lived. they hoped to find a different result that women were better at men than directions. they didn't and they shifted to blame a male dominated society. in science it's important to retest any theory.

we did just that. >> kat and tyrus your task is to find the office kitchen. go down that way. make a left and go down the stairs and make a right. >> okay. >> where the hell is kat at? >> [phone ringing]. >> kat? >> i am on my way. >> where are you at? >> i got caught up. >> [laughing]. >> [applauding]. >> [cheering]. >> we are ready for our cop movie now. >> greg: kat with you a stereo typical woman with directions. >> i played outside more than

anybody. i did only boythings as a child. my spatial awareness is so bad. i don't think it's my gender. i think it's a disability. i worked at ruby tuesday in the mall. i grew up there and took a different parking lot exit out. i kept going and i was like in a boating town before i realized. i was looking for my old high school. then i saw the boats. no! i probably is a disability. >> greg: i am the same way. i have no sense of direction. i get lost doing a cross word puzzle. that's how bad i am, tyrus. blow a hole through this research. >> if you were in my clan, we would have killed and eaten you. this is what happens when scientists were afraid of the woke.

it's a natural thing for males species of anything, they want to go forth and get away from mom and sisters. diddling them you get cross-eyed babies. sorry, kentucky. your urge is to get away. take people and genders out of it. lions drive out the males. get the hell out. as soon as my son is 18, his ass is out to learn to be a man. nobody says that when the daughter is 18. she is up on a pole trying to go to college. they are so afraid of the woke. there are differents between men and women. the way we think and the way we are designed. we all have purposes. society changed to where we don't need them as much but they

are still there. when somebody breaking news into the house the bigger and stronger man is supposed to go beat them up. not go at his wife and go it's your turn. >> greg: yes. jim, before you got married, if wasn't for women who were lost in town you would never get lucky. >> [laughing]. >> greg, i want to thank tyrus for explaining why i am cross-eyed. >> [laughing]. >> i don't know if it's biological. i don't know the answer. it could be that men spend a lot of time focussing on directions. we always get lost looking for the gpositive shot. -- g-spot. it's hunters and gathers. there are differences. i don't know enough -- was i kid that i would find things? my directional sense sucks.

i don't know if it's in my biology. my first answer was men are smarter and women are dumb. >> oh! >> i didn't say that. >> i was about to say the same thing? >> that's really stupid! >> greg: piers morgan, what is the point of this research? do you think there was an initial point to it? >> unfortunately today is one of the days of the week where i identify as a woman. i am here as a her. tomorrow i am back to being a guy again and i will be fine. i don't believe a word of it but it's fun. i ran it past my female staff. i think there is merit to this. a lot of office chairs threw to my head with accurate skills.

i don't think it really works. in your new car you have have a male voice or female voice or american or british voice. i go for an american woman and do the opposite of everything she tells me. i go from a to z quickly. >> greg: that's funny. i was going to ask female members of my staff about this but they were too busy mopping. i am glad we all learned something there. sexism exists for a reason. coming up. the swiss alps. fred! how are you?! fred... fuel up to 7 brain health indicators, including your memory. join the neuriva brain health challenge.

we're travelling all across america, talking to people about their hearts. wh-who wants to talk about their heart!

how's the heart? how's your heart? how's your heart? -it's good. -is it? aah, i don't know. -it's okay. - it's okay! yeah. good. -you sure? - i think so. how do you know? it doesn't come with a manual, and you like ooh, i got the 20,000-day checkup, right? let me show you something. put two fingers right on those pads. look at that! that's your heart! that is pretty awesome. with kardiamobile, you can take a medical-grade ekg in just 30 seconds, from anywhere. kardiamobile is proven to detect atrial fibrillation, one of the leading causes of stroke. and it's the only personal ekg that's fda-cleared to detect normal heart rhythm, bradycardia and tachycardia. how much do you think this costs? probably in the hundreds. $79. oh wow! that could be cheaper than a tank of gas. this year, make a resolution to take care of your heart. don't wait. get kardiamobile today for just $79 at kardia.com or amazon. (vo) if you have graves' disease, your eye symptoms could mean something more. that gritty feeling can't be brushed away.

even a little blurry vision can distort things. and something serious may be behind those itchy eyes. up to 50% of people with graves' could develop a different condition called thyroid eye disease, which should be treated by a different doctor. see an expert. find a t-e-d eye specialist at isitted.com >> ♪ ♪ >> video of the day! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: they are trying to shame the human race by letting

a nut cough in their face. video of the day from the world economic forum where leaders took a break from caviar and hookers to discuss climate change and how it will affect supplies of caviar and hookers. a tribal chief closed the cession. roll it, ricky. >> i want my. [speaking foreign language]. >> [blowing in hands]. >> [laughing]. >> greg: after a stranger in

a head dress kisses you and rubs spit in your face, put on your mask. it's a good thing we didn't just experience a global pandemic otherwise that behavior would be bad. after the chief finished her plea to heal the planet. she hopped in a private jet that pulverized endangers geese. tyrus, do you think this was a prank? >> no, that would be good. they took this poor woman. flew her out here probably without pay. he will talk about the needs of the amazon. we need you to do a ceremony. she did it and she wanted to speak to tell people why she was

there. no, we are good. all we got from that the safe word for that weekend for psh. they do this crap ask look what i did. i took the breath from a native-american from the amazon. 15 tried to order her from amazon that night. >> [laughing]. >> check their search history, fbi. >> greg: all of the guys that came in for the cocaine and orgies, this is not the blow i had in mind. piers morgan, is this the answer to the climate crisis? >> here's the question for everybody: did anybody know what she actually said? >> greg: no. >> she will be known as the coughing lady who may have been spreading ebola and committing

mass murderer. nobody has any idea why she was. it may have seemed a good idea at the time. it's pointless. it made a mockery of this poor woman where back in the amazon rain forest that's a tribal ritual and is taken seriously. instead she on comedy shows from here to london and that's ridiculous. >> greg: maybe we should send a gender studies lady to the amazon. doesn't that remind you of ruth buzzy? >> it looked like something in gilligan's island. it's like my wife at the drive in. it's silly and fun watching these people uncomfortable pretend they are not. nobody wants their head held and

the red stuff. that's awful. you have seen that in the mirror. >> you know they are all worried about covid. they being exploded on. >> maybe this is gret's replacement. she is getting holder. no one is buying it anymore. >> i saw this woman on amazon. get her. already got her. >> greg: it occurred to me i wonder if jeff bezos is there and the amazon lady could do that to the amazon owner. >> i love her. the ultimate girl boss. are you kidding? like a religious leader. i am listening. >> what did she say? >> it doesn't matter! every single person on that stage is because they are a powerful person.

you are way more powerful person if you go walk and spit in their face! >> [cheers and applause]. >> they sit there like yes, thank you. the most powerful person at the whole forum. >> greg: people go there for ego inflation. they go there because they are rich. they can't flaunt their richness this is a vehicle to advertise their virtue. but it allows them to proclaim their wealth and status and this lady spits in the face. >> i wonder if that was part of it. >> it would be great if she went off script. in rehearsal she never did that. >> he said i won a contest. i get to spit on a bunch of

white people. >> she will be booked. every virtue signaling, sorry piers morgan, liberal party she will be at. she breathed on me and my eyes were wide open. i am so alert now. my new name is ocelot. >> greg: a state tried to embrace tourists from outerspace.

>> a story in 5 words. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: 5 words. kentucky asks aliens to visit. piers morgan they beamed up a message to space targeting alien life forms and sent

pictures. what would you send ahead of meghan markle? >> i would definitely send meghan markle because it takes 40 years to get the message to the aliens and send it back. that's 80 year get out of meghan markle free card. it's a fun idea. we used to put things in little bottles. the 80 year gap is the problem. you won't get any pleasure from what you do. none of us will be around for the return if aliens send anything back. it's a fun idea. >> greg: jim, some say you look like an alien. >> i find that hurtful. >> greg: [laughing]. this is awkward. [laughing]. i don't know what to do now. >> wouldn't it be great if 80 years from now nobody saw it coming and they attacked and killed everyone on the planet

because they didn't like kentucky? >> or meghan markle. >> [laughing]. >> greg: where we come from bourbon is an insult. send zimma. people are moaning about it, kat. lexington is a beautiful city. >> i hate this because of the kentucky spokeslady said i am glad you liked our quirky ad. people who describe themselves as quirky are the most boring pictures. it's like a pretty girl posting with a silly face. i am so quirky. shut up, you never had a problem in your life. >>. >> greg: tyrus what would you send? >> i can't say that to my wife

tonight. nothing. this has nothing to do with sending stuff up. they searched the wrong dude. aliens like to do the anal probes. they picked wrong dude in kentucky. we are going to get it back. send them bourbon and drugs. when they show up it's our turn to check them. this is a big trap. he will wait all 80 years for them to come back. hopefully a little tipsy with an open mind. >> greg: we should send things to them that throw them off. >> we don't have to. they have been here. they were here a short time and then [bleep] us. if we can't eat it, we kill it. who wants to live in that neighborhood? they packed up the saucers and said keep the temples. we are out. they ain't been back since.

any time anything flies by they get a text: don't do it! >> [laughing]. >> i would send a picture of the same thing i send to other people. what is this small thing that barely clears the knuckles. >> [laughing]. >> thumbs up, right. >> [laughing]. >> greg: he is talking about a doorknob. >> [laughing]. >> greg: we'll be right back. >> [cheers and applause]. gain? so congested! you need sinex saline from vicks. just sinex, breathe, ahhhh! what is — wow! sinex. breathe. ahhhhhh! oooohhh, it is cold outside time to protect your vehichle from winters wrath of course the hot sun can be tough on vehicles too you need weathertech all year round! come on, protect your investment laser measured floorliners and cargoliner will shield the carpeting from sand and snow

for your interior, there's seat protector and sunshade plus, mudflaps and bumpstep for the exterior order american made products at weathertech.com surfs up yeah, right >> i am elmer heinrich. our company sells an incredible nutritional supplement called immuno 150. now it contains 70 minerals and 80 additional nutrients. i suggest you try immuno 150 if you want a chance to be in good health and feel good when you're 89 years old like me, with no arthritis, no heart problems, no diabetes or high blood pressure, dementia or aches or pains of any kind. now immuno 150 contains eight times more minerals than the average food. our foods lack minerals, so we lack minerals . no wonder the world is sick. now look at the two videos on our website. you will see immuno 150 is a concise and complete, no-nonsense, no-hype product, so place your order online

or call 888-497-4535. that's 888-497-4535. >> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪

- [female narrator] five billion people

lack access to safe surgery. thousands of children are suffering and dying from treatable causes. for 40 years, mercy ships has deployed floating hospitals to provide the free surgeries these children need. join us. together, we can give children the hope and healing they never thought possible. it's a mission powered by love, made possible by you. give today. >> ♪ ♪ >> greg: out of time. thanks to jim, piers morgan, kat timpf and our studio audience. i love you, america. >> [cheers and applause]. >> trace: i am trace gallagher. 11 p.m