>> ♪ ♪ >> sean:un fortunately that's all the time we have left. thanks for being with us and making show possible. set your dvr so you never miss an episode of "hannity." we will broadcast from new hampshire monday and tuesday. have a great weekend. let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld will put a smile on your face. see you from new hampshire monday. >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause].

>> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. agreeing crazy! >> greg: crazy! put your tops back on. except you grandmother. it's friday. let's welcome tonight's guests. he is married to another dave which saves on mono-grammed towels. dave rubin. voted sexiest men alive charlie herd. "new york times" best selling author kat timpf. he's got a lot of influence over helicopter flight routes.

"new york times" best selling author. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: all right. before we get to some news. ignore my new glasses. let's do this. >> greg's left overs. >> greg: all right. it's where i read the jokes we didn't use. it's my first time reading them so they suck. scientists in china have been able to keep a cloned monkey alive for 2 years. that's nothing. we kept our alive for fritsch. -- 45. [laughing]. monkey. this week green day performed a surprise set in new york subway with the show host jimmy falon. commuters shouted requests like please stop. >> [laughing].

>> [applauding]. >> [bleep]. >> greg: a source in hollywood said a movie about plaggarizing claudine gay deserves closer inspection but it was in gay's hand writing. whenever i see her i think of the humpty dance. men have better naviational skills than women. most women don't know about this study because they went to the wrong website. >> [laughing]. >> charlie! >> greg: charlie is a sexist. a new study shows by the year 2100 many u.s. cities will be populated by the elderly. which means the late night shift

at strip clubs will end at 4 p.m. the doj determined a white substance found on hunter biden's gun was likely to be cocaine. prompting hunter to ask when he could get his gun back. chinese scientists say they killed a new strain of the coronavirus that kills by attacking the brain. guess i am safe said one woman. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you. thank you. a woman went viral after revealing she makes 6 figures milking cows while wearing bikinis. why make a cow wear one? a few madonna fans filed a class

action lawsuit because she starts her shows late but her face arrives an hour early. >> [laughing]. >> greg: officials in florida say a woman used dog urine to beat a drug test. someone should have told her, she didn't have to drink it first. joy behar said members of generation-z need to shut up and get a shop. they are looking for people to toss sardines during joy's 12 o'clock feeding time. ed board of ben and jerry's demanded a peace fire in gaza. they prefer people to die

slowly. target and wal-mart are locking up underwear and socks. who has to shoplift under wear and socks? [laughing]. kim is selling her car. it sits one giant ass. the language here. a mistake people make after sex is looking at their phone for any missed messages, especially if the message close your blinds. >> [laughing]. >> greg: hugh hefner's velvet shocking jacket is up for auction. the lucky buyer also receives

gonorrhea. i love that joke. >> i still want the jacket. >> greg: last saturday during a pro-palestinian protest at the white house many protestors chanted f-joe biden. it's overrated said one woman. >> [laughing]. >> greg: now to the news! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you. all right. is our navy sinking with deithinking. >> video of the day. >> greg: today's video of the day comes from a doctor the ex-director of the navy's diversity program. an old training video

resurfaced. barber may no longer be there but the navy has a program dedicated to de i even as they ditch this project like jimmy falon's jackets. it's still up there on the navy website. watch how he explains ddei. >> diversity within the work force. equity. you need to think about equality. those are used interchangeably. when you think about equality, think about equity as the route we take to get there. how do we assess different

barriers and have schedule -- equal access and... >> greg: what the hell was that? i have no idea what you just said. you are the expert. it's like somebody poured something on chat gp t's mother board. he said equity is the path to quality. that's [bleep]. equality is about the starting line with the same chance. equity starts at the finish line. we all hand in the same spot is work backwards. how easy is that?

equality is possible and equity is impossible. equality is putting me and tyrus in a wrestling rink and watching me die. equity is putting me and tyrus in a wrestingling and i have laser guns and still watching me die. >> [laughing]. >> [applauding]. >> greg: it's impossible to create equal outcomes in a universe of individuals. that's why you don't see a virtual tie in a foot race. dei assumes there is no diversity among individual talents. that's why they hamper excellence by promoting m mediocrity. this must be the only place left that depends on that.

if you look around the rest of america's storied institutions accident we ditched that gold standard. why should the military be any different? i want the deadliest military on earth. i don't care if our soldiers are straight, i just want them to shoot straight. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: david, it's so weird. right now everybody is running from dei. even democrat candidates are running from it and this is still on the navy website. does this scare you? >> can we talk about your glasses first? you look like a middle aged lesbian poet. that might be dei for fox. >> greg: i am a diverse hire.

i identify -- i don't know the name. >> like a furry jacket and big glasses. you would be in the lesbian poetry places. >> greg: now i am thinking of getting a few cats. >> like rosie o'donnell. >> greg: yes, i feel like her in this show. wow! >> [laughing]. >> they are touchy on their references. >> greg: i know. >> they don't like talking about anybody not here. >> dei is the reverse of everything that america was founded upon which is quality and opportunity. nobody in america cares about this stuff accept the people bludgeoning with us. if we get back to not caring about whether your doctor or pilot is black-and-white. we will have planes falling out of the sky and doctors not

knowing how to perform surgery. >> greg: it would be a lot of fun. russian roulette in everything. dei will maintain its survival by filling the spaces in the dei department with dei hype. it's the self-licking isotone. >> you want it to be fun on a college campus. where you can't have fun is in the military. like your point. it's the most important one. the military was like this hold out. it was all about mission. could you perform the mission? it was a wonderful place. it wrung out all of the differences that humans makeup. all that mattered was mission. my man here doesn't know the actual difference between equity and equality and go on to lie about how it helps everything. this goes to euphemisms.

they destroy anything that is important. the department of defense should go back to being the department of war so everything is clear. >> greg: that sounds so much better. >> it's a warning too. we are not doing this to it nation build. we are doing this to kill you. and remind everybody. >> greg: if i were president i would start the department of war. >> it was originally the department of war. someone want to soften down and renamed it didn't of defense. >> greg: that it would be funny if you made that up. kat, i am not dei in our navy. see what i did there? i went from old to our. just changed it. >> you had it gutfeld.

don't explain it. continue. >> first of all go army. there is the idea that individualism is every man for himself when it's the opposite of that. if we are all individuals with different strength and weaknesses, acknowledging that is a great argument for needing to work together than anything else would be. if everyone is good at everything you would not need anybody's help. individualism is acknowledging your strength and weaknesses. that's what it rather than a bunch of buzz words. >> it's like watching oceans 11. you have the safecracker and the

leader the genius hacker. [bleep] movie has a genius hacker which is a young person. >> i am picking up you don't like the genius hackers. >> greg: they run into a road block and instead of coming with an answer. they give it to him. we are in! >> if that doesn't work -- >> [laughing]. >> if that doesn't work the british scientist will solve it for you. >> greg: exactly. >> you have heard british people talk lately? they are stupid! >> [laughing]. >> i always laugh when you hear culture. we need to it incorporate culture. the navy has a culture. it has a tradition. you either get involved with it

or leave. the whole point is to keep unqualified people not fired. don't worry about doing the job. we just need the numbers to put you in there. can you just imagine you have a bunch of equity hires working the landing strip on the ship in a fog storm. missiles shooting at people. major tom is like ground control i am coming in hot. i have one engine left. ground control my pronouns are... say it. my other engine is out. until you say my pronouns... i am the first to do it. it's not my fault. i killed one of our own crew members because you didn't tell me my damn pronouns instead of doing my job. i don't give a damn what color you are.

all i care about is how competent you are. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: oh, boy! you guys are in for a treat. we got upcoming the man in boxer shorts. underpants man. >> [cheers and applause]. methin. ♪when you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion♪ ♪upset stomach, diarrhea♪ pepto bismol coats and soothes for fast relief when you need it most. directv sports central brings your games stats and scores together and now you can get it without a satellite. one more reason to finally get rid of cable. but getting rid of the cable guy...

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>> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: quiet! quiet! silence! who was that dude who wandered in nude earlier this week we showed you a clip of a man who video bombed a tv interview with dick morris. let's see it again. >> i think trump will score a huge victory.

i think the media will try to down play it. >> [laughing]. >> they are supporting nikki haley. >> greg: we had so many questions. >> [laughing]. >> greg: dick morris declined to comment so we were left to speculate. who was that man in his underpants? could dick morris have been taken hostage by a retired plumper and why can't he afford a sport's bra. >> just going to work out >> is that like the garage? >> greg: i don't know what is going on. looked likes he just worked out but for the first time ever. >> [laughing]. >> you only put on this type of

shirt when you are about to be arrested. >> [laughing]. >> greg: after we did the segment. the man, the myth. the legend got this touch with me and joins us tonight to tell us what happened. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: please welcome doug. how long, how is your week going? >> [laughing]. >> it's great. it's just great. i love it. they were not underwear. they were shorts. i am in florida. you wear shorts and a tank top. >> [laughing]. >> greg: okay. how did this happen? what happened? >> all right, so i am with dick morris all the time. i set up the back drops for him. when i set it up, he was going to do the poll thing with iowa.

i said you have to put the camera on an angle. put it on an angle because i will be coming in and out of the house. of course when i walked in i openeded door and saw he was on. i could shut the door and it would be like a freak dude opening and shutting the door. >> that would have been better. >> i just walked in. >> [cheers and applause]. >> first of all, the social media put me out this as this guy is dick morris's gay friend, the pool boy. es upstairs with my girlfriend -- i have to say that. she is frigging hot. i was upstairs having a nice time. it was great. working on my motorcycle. i got to work on my motorcycle. i walked in. all right, dick. dick morris -- you guys know him. he is a genius.

but he is like rain man. can't screw a light bullb. but my best friend. i told him put the camera onang angle. he didn't. this is life. >> greg: yes, it is. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: was dick annoyed because i kept calling him all day? i called him 7 or 8 times. >> i was there when you called. he said you called me 5 times. i have a contract with news max. i said dick, you could have beeninizer. all right. i called you because the social media. they just went -- and my friend from manhattan called me up and said dougie, they are talking bad stuff about you. you have to do something about this. i said what is the big deal? what are they going to do?

>> [laughing]. >> greg: if i never heard your voice, i would predict this is how you would sound. >> no! >> greg: you have thought about turning this into a commercial for profit venture? i could see coffee mugs and coasters and t-shirts. >> i have the perfect face for radio. i am on the dick morris show on sunday 12 to 2. the dick morris show. i am on with them. >> greg: okay. >> we have a good thing. >> greg: do you plan on intrudeing in other zoom tv appearances. you should make it a regular thing. >> i think i will do that. i will bring different people in. my tall friend and short friend. different people.

that will be good. you can tell my accent i am from yonkers, new york. >> greg: [laughing]. you have ever met trump team? you worked at mar-a-lago, right? >> yes, i am his artist. i have been restoring all of the murals at mar-a-lago for him. we talk a lot. i have not seen him in a while. last year i was there a lot. i would see him almost every morning. dick morris says he likes you because you talk like him. he won't like that. [laughing]. >> greg: doug, we would love to have you on again. you could be our fashion correspondent. >> well! >> [applauding]. >> with the wife beater. by the way, your glass, did you get them from mr. mcgoo?

i'm sorry. >> greg: i deserve it. you took this with such great humor. scared when i saw the phone message. i heard you laughing. okay, this guy got it. thank you, doug. >> you are like the genius hacker! with the glass. >> [applauding]. >> greg: thanks, doug. talk to you soon. up next will gwen-z go far if they can't drive a car? en-z go they can't drive a car?

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>> [cheers and applause]. >> a story in 5 words. >> [cheering]. >> greg: 5 words. brats don't drive anymore. according to the federal high

way administration just 25% of 16 years old have their driver's license. they are blaming environmental concerns and flation? what say you? >> i would have government scientists study this. there is a real problem with people who don't want freedom when they turn 16. i don't know if they are over-medicated. you turn 16 and you don't want to get a car ask drive far away from your parents there is something wrong with you. >> greg: yes.nd drive far away from your parents there is something wrong with you. >> greg: yes. >> greg: tyrus, if they don't have cars why can't they have sex with the teacher? >> the teacher has the cars

because the gen-z sleep with the gen-xor's. i am horrible with the alphabet. what you are missing, chuck, why go out and search and hunter-gather when everything is right here in in little box? you can sit like this and everything comes to you. relationships and fantasies and money. if you are spending all of your money buying tickets and coins for your jewels game. that will interfere with your gas money. for those of us 16 and trying to get away, money was short. we would pay for gas like this. let me iron this out. how much will that get me? 1 gallon. good, we can get to the party. there is no need to know a frontier's man or woman. mommy and daddy drive them.

you can't drive and hold your phone at the same time. they might miss a picture of somebody's food on facebook. think about that. if they don't like it, that's a whole other thing. that's more important. >> greg: kat, you can't text and drive. they decided to eliminate the drive part. >> this is huge news for ugly kids. only 25%. if you are the ugly person all you need to do is learn how to drive. everyone will want a ride. >> greg: yes! >> you are not motivateed to drive if someone else can drive you around. it's a lot better. if you are really, really ugly get your driver's license so people will talk to you. >> greg: wait, kat. i was the one driving people around. >> hold on! no! don't clap an his ugliness. stop that!

it wasn't because you are ugly, greg. you were the well off white kid. i had one in my crew. they the car and coolest houses to spend the night in and extra money for the movies. >> greg: that was so not me. >> my parents didn't want me to get my driver's license and i didn't so i had dudes driving me around. >> greg: is this a harbinger of doom? >> yes, but the previous segment you brought a random man to the show to explain he was straight. >> that's the world we live in now. i was upstairs with my girl. i was fixing a motorcycle. i will show you how straight i am! >> greg: [laughing]. >> it's related to this segment. nice to see a straight guy hanging out with another straight guy in their underwear. kids are mixed up.

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tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. get back to better breathing. get back to what you've missed. ask your doctor about fasenra, the only asthma treatment taken once every 8 weeks. if you can't afford your medication astrazeneca may be able to help. >> ♪ ♪ >> ♪ ♪ >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: welcome back to greg's animal friends. each guest brought an exciting animal video to share. kat. >> i have a video of a cat. can we put it up. this kiddie doesn't want to go

outside for a walk because it's a cat. i love cats because they don't do anything that they don't want to do. look. hold on. wait for the face. >> [laughing]. >> stop it! i am a cat! get a dog if you want to go for a walk. i am a cat. that's like a bengal, a fancy cat that cost money. mine was found in the money. when cats love you it means something. >> [cheers and applause]. >> and he hits me in the face if i don't cuddle with him. that's so special. he really loves me. he is devastated without me. no man has ever loved me the way this cat does. >> i don't think you want that kind of love from a man. >> no. >> he huits me because he loves me. >> because you are

a libertarian. >> he will bite cam's arm. get off of her. >> greg: tyrus? something predator? >> i have new puffer fish. these little bastards are the evil things. their teeth are razorsharp. that's a snail shell getting destroyed. they are working the room. he bites on the metal forceps and it doesn't affect their teeth. they are in my most aggressive tank. if the fish are not careful they will have no fins with these little [bleep] around were they come up like you are buddies and then take a bite of your fin. they are vicious.

>> greg: reminds me of trump in iowa. >> there goes nikki haley. >> [laughing]. >> got desantis. >> greg: there is asa hutchinson. rubin? >> i have a video coming to you from argentina with an animal that appears to be like anent eater with mixed with a raccoon. this is like going to dinner with you. watch what happens. he enjoys stealing food from the people and running. i don't know what that s.>> it's like a mexican raccoon. >> [laughing]. >> greg: how much for the mexican raccoon. for both $75. >> they are related torah coon.

>> charlie? >> i have a video from arizona. another reason you should get your driver's license when you turn 16. this guy riding down on the road on the bike. but i love the taste of deer meat. wipes him out. i don't know whether i dislike cyclists more than deer meat. the deer was fine. >> oh! >> if you are in truck you get dinner. >> greg: you don't enjoy the taste as much if you hit it with a car than if you shot it. >> road kill is road kill. >> greg: you don't shoot people? >> you can get good road kill. you want to get it fresh.

you would like to hit it yourself. >> greg: all right. get your driver's license, kids. up next our fans never fail when they send us our mail. >> [cheers and applause]. [sneeze] dude you coming? because the only thing dripping should be your style.

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>> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: yep. you are watching mailing it in.

>> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: welcome to mailing it in. this person asks what was a favorite poster on your broom wall growing up, tyrus? >> heather lockleer. i ordered so many fake books to cover-up that poster. gen-z would not know this. we had book fairs. you checked off books and your mom gave a a check. i wanted a heather locklear poster so bad i ordered intellectual books. wow, you are in beetov dlchlten. i would.

>> greg: favorite poster. >> i don't know this is going to be much better. i think jake the snake roberts. >> greg: a wrestler? >> yes, he had a big snake. he did. >> greg: that's a fact! he is a big penis. i don't know. why would i say that? >> because you are weird. >> greg: i have problems. charlie, i bet you never had a poster growing up. >> not true. this will be a huge disappointment. heather locklear and expensive gifts. >> greg: you put ice in the glass and the bikinia falls away. >> do they exist anyone? >> greg: i don't know. they got taken over. those damn goths ruin

everything. >> that was a great poster. >> and my mom got smart because i never opened the books i ordered. >> heather was wearing a bikini. had you to put a tarp over that -- a wall blanket. >> greg: do you live in an abandoned bus? were you kidnapped? >> the tapestries. >> i was with you until the weird stuff with the blanket. >> you have a lot of weird internalized shame for no reason. or there is a reason. >> greg: he took his wall blanket. >> 4 pieces of tape. woman walks in what the hell is this? i don't know it came free with the books >> or at the beach, he puts the

blanket up over. >> greg: kat? >> blank 162. >> greg: they are a band. >> i take like blink 182. >> greg: none of you are old enough to remember lance lot link. he feels a detective chimp. he would hold a big mug of beer. the poor monkey was probably suffering. time for another? kat asked can you name something you experienced good or bad that you wish everyone else could experience? charlie? >> i would say hunting. killing a deer. killing an animal. >> greg: [laughing]. >> feeding it to our family.

>> greg: kat, chapter 5 of your book? >> i don't want to have emergency surgery. it got reversed. not to brag. anybody could experience having this surgery reversed. it's a painful experience. i don't know. a safari in africa. >> greg: oh! >> i would say sitting in the chair at the greg gutfeld exclamation point show. >> [cheers and applause]. >> you never know what is going to happen here. sometimes we finish the show and you turn to me and go that sucked! >> greg: [laughing]. >> sometimes you go that was awesome. everyone in this audience should sit in my chair. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: tyrus?

>> i think everyone needs to share a table with raymond arroyo at an awards ceremony when he sings the song the performers are singing louder than him. when they sing he googles them to see if it's really their song and keeps telling me about it. >> greg: [laughing]. i can't say what i want to say. >> come on! it's your show. >> greg: i will say -- don't go away. we'll be right back.

can neuriva support your brain health? mary, janet, hey!! (thinking: eddie, no frasier, frank... frank?) fred! how are you?! fred... fuel up to 7 brain health indicators, including your memory. join the neuriva brain health challenge. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you all. studio audience. i love you, america! >> [cheers and applause]. >> trace: i am trace gallagher. 11 p.m. on the east coast and