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tv   Gutfeld  FOX News  January 27, 2024 8:00pm-9:00pm PST

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kidding those chargers are bogus you are the real deal girlfriend to be sure to send your ask cabbie questions to f and saturday night fans@fox.com. remember we love your video questions. thank you for watching fox news saturday night with jimmy failla. set your dvr every saturday night right fox news but do not forget to follow us on social media fn saturday i prepared about cancel culture dictionary right now before it hits the shelves january 30. big week for me. check out my cancel culture special on fox nation. dropping tomorrow i'm coming to a city near you on my everybody calm down to her. tickets on sale now. so long from new york city i am your main man jimmy failla reminding it you can be a republican, you can be a democrat, just don't be ♪ ♪ monday.
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hello everybody ingo it's friday! it's friday! that wasn't loud enough for me. but it's friday so you know what that means. let's welcome tonight's guess. he crashed dick morris in his briefs, but we love his beliefs. artist restoration guide for president trump and the man responsible for the best and ever. viral sensation dug doug d pierre. if she's here, it means her children are safe. fox news emily van harris. she still can't decide between
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the hatfields or the makoti is. co-host of the bottom line devon mcdowell. and skeletons find her in their closet. new york times best-selling author and fox news contributor kat timpf. okay, before we get to some new stories, let's do this. greg postel a leftovers. i hope these are good. its leftovers where i read the jokes we didn't use this week. as always this my first time reading them. if they suck, we will marinate joe mackey and olive oil and toss them into the woodfired oven. all right. this week on cnn van jones advised president biden to stay hidden during the campaign. to which joe responded, while, a band that talks just like the car and night writer.
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during his speech this week the president implied that terry mcauliffe was the rightful governor of virginia. but he later clarified in his remarks saying, [indiscernible] the publisher of sports illustrated announced they have laid off most of the staff. the worst part, they were all notified on their football phones. remember those? they come with a subscription. for people born before 1980. a new study finds that the trick to a great vacation for married people is to travel without your partner. translation, the trick to a great vacation is not to be married to. scientists have discovered skeletons with the oldest dna evidence of syphilis in brazil.
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wow, how did have get to brazil. funny because he is dead. while appearing on a podcast aoc claimed trump voters are insecure about their masculinity. no wonder i am voting for biden said randi weingarten. joe looks like gary shandling. this week a delta flight was grounded after one of the front wheels fell off. on the upside, the wheel was booked on the next flight to fort lauderdale with two free drink tickets. good for them. california state senator scott weiner has proposed a bill that would require vehicles from not going more than 10 miles per hour above the speed limit. most states already have that. it's called a wife.
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sexist people. in chicago 47 migrants were arrested for retail f and burglary. at least they are assimilating. dunkin' donuts is being sued by 10 plaintiffs who are lactose intolerant for being charged extra for nondairy milk. when reached for comment the ceo of dunkin' replied they can blow it out there ass. michigan governor gretchen whitmer was mocked for appearing in a sketch with a giant potato to pitch taxpayer-funded community college. that was some of my best. said one man. oh man. democratic congressman jamaal bowman has proposed a
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$14 trillion reparations plan. he hasn't worked out the details yet. he just wants to sound the alarm. i feel dirty. i feel dirty. transgender golfer haley davidson is pushing back against critics of her winds on the women's pro tour claiming any strength advantage is negated by the extra time she spends at the ball washing machine. now that is good. terrible. the san antonio zoo is offering hippo scented candles for valentine's day. i put a lot of work into those candles said one hippo. terrible. terrible people. how dare you clap. applebee's has introduced a subscription plan that allows couples to have 52 date nights
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for only $200. that works out to $4 per meal spent regretting the man you married. american airlines flight was forced to turn around after one of the passengers parted excessively. but i say why turn around? that would have been the perfect flight for the rest of us to get away with forwarding. interesting. and finally, earlier this week the double big mac returned to mcdonalds or in related news, so did chris christie. now to the news. republican governor showed texas some love. 25 republican governor signed a letter of support fully backing texas in its fight against the federal government to protect
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the southern border. as the feds got the green light to take down razor wire meant to secure it. to show support for the lone star state they signed a letter using barbecue sauce. , quote, "we stand in solidarity with our fellow governor greg abbott in utilizing every tool of strategy enclosing razor wire fences. stand in solidarity? poor choice of words, don't you think. they should have said let's roll. i love him! i love him! but they rightly point out the biden administration have left america, quote, "completely vulnerable to immigration. texas has every legal justification to protect its sovereignty. 25 gop governors support texas and predictably not a single democratic governor signed the statement. perhaps they were too busy trying to find shelter for thousands of illegal immigrants
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or to steal a word from the illegals they lack the cojones. independent presidential hofer jfk jr. lent his success saying biden's failure leaves states but to leave it in their own hands. a country without borders is not a country at all. what's next? a civil war with democrat versus republican states? millions could die, specifically the ones in democrat states that will be stuck defending themselves with men's tampons and preferred pronouns. please don't shoot. i made they. the fact is if biden decides to attack the alamo he would still managed to lose even though it's a museum. my money is on the gop. they know how to chug beer, fire guns and make suite love to the music of lee green world while dems are only able to kill the american dream, late-night late
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night comedy an innocent crew members on a. all kidding aside, there is one upside to a civil war. at least this time when the army leaves billions of dollars of equipment behind it will be in america. a thoughtful provoking way to and that comment your kat, what would you do if you were president? i know that's a fantasy since you are a female. >> okay. i would simply do less. such as not interfere with state's rights and that kind of thing. i know it's so unlike me to be cynical, but i can't help but notice this was a letter of republican governors which doesn't actually do anything. republicans or anybody in congress actually, it could be as simple if they didn't want biden to do this they could just
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not fund it. congress so rarely does anything. they have the power of the purse. they could say that's not how it's supposed to be set up. we will not fund it so it will not happen. we don't see anybody moving to do that. >> don't fund the feds? >> if they wanted to on any issue congress to move to not fund anybody unless they rather complain about it. >> i just learned something and i've quickly forgotten it. what do say? do you think there is a possibility of a civil war? if so, are you looking forward to it? >> that's why you booked me, isn't it? >> are you still in your militia? you are wearing a sleeveless shirt. >> it is the militia first region of state. where do you want me to start on the civil war. we can go back to the tariff of obama nation.
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i have a deep personal admiration for governor abbott and all the people who are standing with him. when somebody comes knocking at my door when i am blasting my allman brothers and tells me too loud, too loud. i say, what are you going to do about it? are you going to come in and make me stop? that's essentially what he is saying to joe biden. it is so astonishing that biden has sent desperados to talk about all the democrats. biden has openly violated the laws of this country. when someone tries to enforce them, they are like, no no no, we need more death and destruction, societal and financial hardship. we want people pouring across the border. the only way to stop it is for biden to militarize the national guard and go in and sees the
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border. do you think he is stupid and dangerous enough to do that? again, what are you going to do? >> the answer is yes. >> are you going to come in and stop me? tonight it's an amplified version of an episode of cops. cop show up and knock on the door. you are playing the allman brothers. >> we feel bad for the people getting arrested on that show. >> i sympathize with the guy with no shirt on. >> welcome to the show. i am glad you wore pants. >> i didn't shave my legs today. >> i was looking forward to seeing your legs. joe has gone from calling half of america worthless to now maybe contemplating going into a state. >> if he's not going to take care of the border, the texas guy abbott has got to take care of it himself.
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it's basically razor wire versus wire cutters. it's basically the law. whoever who has got more. the guy has more razor wire for the thing or they can cut it out. i will tell you, if the government wins this, abbott will be defenseless. i thought about that. i stumbled on it. >> i got it but it took me awhile. defenseless. that's a great title for ann coulter's next book. a conservative book about the border and it's defenseless. somebody is on the cover like this. >> this is the universal post where i am about ready to say some reactionary [ bleep ] . >> speaking of, where does this all end? is there going to be some kind of resolution or are we on the verge of civil war? isn't this happening in an
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amazing time in 2024? >> this is a bad time for biden. he screwed up badly at the border. more power to the governors even though they have no power. it's the u.s. constitutional right of the state of texas to defend themselves. they administration isn't doing jack about it. i think they should go a step further. i thought the wall that trump wanted to build was a bit realistic. there is eminent domain. you can't build a wall across the entire border. the barbed wire fences are week. they should go with an electric fence. i hear those work well to contain the dogs in your yard. you can keep them out. i also think they should hand out welcome gifts like the ball washing machines. >> we are giving free sex changes. why not give the ball washing machine with the sex change? a swag bag, if you will. >> this issue alone i honestly do believe is what is going to
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lose the election for biden. he was supposed to assign his vp to figure out the crisis at in the root of this and she hasn't done a darn thing. will he pick a new vp? she sucks. >> i think they have to replace both of them. >> i'm saying she is not going to help them up again. >> we must move on to the next block which means there is a break. up next what a world without journalist bill be bad or totally rad? here's to getting better with age. here's to beating these two every thursday. help fuel today with boost high protein, complete nutrition you need... ...without the stuff you don't. so, here's to now. boost. to advance the future of golf, pga of america chose t-mobile for business. with a 5g powered innovation hub to analyze player
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it's video of the day. >> journalist panic as their jobs vanish. our video of the day comes from the washington post taylor lorenz. remember her? she outed the person behind the tiktok private citizen and cried when people came after her for doing so. this week she lamented the death of journalism as she knows it. roll it. >> the journalism industry is in a freefall. the los angeles times laid off 115 employees and wiped out the entire d.c. bureau in an election year. buzzfeed news has completely shuttered the news operations. time magazine laid off a ton of people and sports illustrated basically shut down last week. pretty much the entire digital media ecosystem that myself and others have come up in has been completely hollowed out. hundreds of workers at the
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parent company of every major magazine from gq to vogue to the new yorker and vanity fair are on strike because they are also facing impending layoffs. even if you do get a job journalist salaries have been stagnant and declined. we don't make that much to begin with. people don't understand how bad the world would be without journalist. >> she is right. without journalist we would arrest criminals are put out fires or build our roads or take care of the sick or deliver male or pick up trash. keep our water and electricity going and defend our country. thank god for journalist. look, crazy lady, everyone understands how bad the world would be without journalist because we haven't had any for decades. look at all the hoaxes our so-called media pushed while missing the biggest stories of the century. it's only our treasured journalist could fake a scam involving russia to undermine
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the incoming president without consequences. only our treasured journalist could have a virus for years and suppress anyone who dared lie the questioned experts. only they would disseminate the government talking points word for word on everything from hunter's laptop to crime stats colluding and rides. only our treasured journalist would protect a vegetable who can't leave his basement or finish a sentence and help him get elected with president. then eggs on attacking his political enemies while celebrating the imprisonment of those who didn't vote for him. only our treasured journalist would want us to hear about the tragic plight of our treasured journalist. so yeah, i don't think the world would understand how bad the world would be without journalists. i have aphelion millions of us would like to find out. you know what i love about this? she is so stupid and clueless she thinks that would garner sympathy. everyone listening to it says
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that is good. >> she is crying and whining. help me please. she wants to be in the club and the club doesn't want her. that's what the problem is. she she's looking for the on ramp and she's on the gangplank. >> she's like the hood ornament for feelings as journalism and she's mad that nobody cares about her feelings. >> isn't that the way she acted when she was interviewing people? she was going after them and now they are going after her. she is not in the club. >> you are always in the club. >> i am. i love the club. >> do you feel bad? >> no. >> in general you don't feel bad? >> no. millennials these days don't know what journalism is. she doesn't even know what journalism is. she has no idea. she's probably never even read a newspaper. she's complaining about the newspaper but has probably never
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picked up a newspaper that reports on news. she has no idea what journalism is and neither do any millennials quite frankly. the other thing that bums me out as a journalist, because that is what i am in case you forgot. we paid our dues. i paid my dues. these people that come in are entitled and expect to be paid and come in with no experience and any knowledge whatsoever and what the business is about. we haven't seen journalism and over 20 years which is around the time that i got into the business. i think it all went to [ bleep ] after i started. >> it is your fault. >> i brought it down. >> you broke the glass ceiling of confidence. you know what kills me? when she speaks she is the hood ornament of this problem. she was the arrogant tapir yorty complex of the new media that julie is talking about. they portrayed their feelings and outrage as journalism. now they wonder why no one
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cares. >> i think it's very gracious of her now, this middle-aged lady. to appoint herself, the industry 's spokes turned. >> that's an idea. >> i like spokes turned. >> to explain how it is swirling down the toilet bowl. is why in front of you. i think that it makes you ponder the age-old question of why is there always one lump that won't flush? >> that's a visual i can't get out. spent that's a great idea for a children's book. the one lump that won't flush. >> i will get on it. >> you should write it.
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>> i love talking about and writing about. >> kat, how did you like her performance? she's like a walking vocal fry. >> i am a millennial. i don't talk like that, though. >> i think the tough thing that she has to learn that we all do have to learn some day is whether it's. or anything else and you can't make somebody want you. the harder you try the worse it gets. the landscape is changing. obviously. you have to figure out how you fit in that landscape. you can't beg and say but it's so hard. now people also think you are pathetic. that will make things different. anybody who is going through a real problem in their life sees this they will not watch the entire thing because they are so turned off by it. sometimes thanks change. it is hard and it sucks. you have to find a way to figure it out. spent the two most consequential words of the last decade is fake
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news. it literally redefined what we were getting every day and we just needed a phrase. it's like junk food. suddenly that word came into being. that's how you describe snacks and burgers. you can't live on a diet of junk food and we are rejecting a diet of fake news. up next, when biden flaps his gums, we get mor my dry eye's made me a burning, stinging, 5-times-a-day,... ...makeup smearing drops user. i want another option that's not another drop. tyrvaya. it's not another drop. it's the first and only nasal spray for dry eye. tyrvaya treats the signs and symptoms of dry eye disease fast by helping your body produce its own real tears. common side effects include sneezing, cough, and throat and nose irritation. relying only on drops? not me. my own real tears are my relief. ask your eye doctor about tyrvaya. ava: i was just feeling sick. and it was the worst day.
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a story in five words. >> five words. check out joe's latest nonsense. >> thank you for the introduction. i got to meet his twins and his wife. no wonder he is here. i tell you what, they will keep him here. thanks to the outstanding senators tammy baldwin of wisconsin.
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and amy klobuchar. the state of minnesota. if i have all three of them on my side i don't worry about anything. 14 million new jobs since i became president. 169 new jobs in wisconsin. my professor, i won't get him my professor. my predecessor, though, used to brew beer here. thanks to the great lakes. >> oh my god. the last time i heard somebody making that much since he was sitting in the subway wrapped in urine soaked newspapers. julie, it's only january. by june what is left? >> he did not do dry january.
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i don't know. didn't at some point hug one of them? did you ever do that on a winery? you want to marry it. this poor guy needs to sit down and lay down and take a long nap until november. spent that's what they want. they want him to take a nap. i feel bad for him. remember when you see that video of old russian circuses where the guy has a whip and he's forcing a bear to ride a bicycle? that's like dr. jill and joe. go out there! like that. yes. >> it's exactly like that. i'm actually looking forward to the next stage of this. my dad is 87. i know where this goes. at a party over the holidays i overheard my father say to someone, dear god your job
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sounds just awful. what happens is people start saying whatever pops into his head. kamala harris, what are you doing around here anyway? who the hell are you? >> are you stealing from me? i think she is stealing from me. >> pour he leans on the lectern and goes get a load of those jugs. i can't wait. >> kat, is this cruelty to the elderly? do you have any advice for him or the campaign manager or anything? >> i mean, the thing is i think he also seems to think he is doing okay. >> generally in that mental state you are. >> it's like the person who is drunk and comes to a party and thinks they are really funny. i'm so much fun. when they leave you just side.
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i don't know. i created 169 jobs in wisconsin? where did that come from? it's confusing to watch. i also want to know what are people telling him when he is done? are they like, good job buddy? like a kindergarten church choir vibe is anybody being honest with him. does he enjoy himself? i have so many questions. we will never have answers because everybody keeps gas lighting as we ask about it. remember the oil cancer when he said he had cancer from oil? there is never any answers. the president is saying we've all been very deeply affected by cancer. but that's not what he said. we will never get the answers. i'd love to see a document or. i hope we can watch one down the line after he gets off stage after a babble fest.
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>> do think he will be the nominee or what? >> this is me. i think he will give his delegates to michelle. she won't have to do anything. she won't have to debate or do anything. it will be so close. the convention is in july. she's got august, september, october and doesn't have to say anything. although millennials the useful idiots will say michelle is the big reveal. that's why we've got to get out now and say. she might not, but she will do this. watch out and she will have to answer questions. blm, antifa and all this other stuff. if we do that now it will water down her big reveal when she comes out. >> that his jesse watters theory too. that's why i don't believe it. >> i think by then, by the way, the first part of that, i think
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you are watching mailing it in. >> welcome to mailing it in. the question comes from a person who asked what is something that really bothers you but doesn't seem to annoy others? conversely what is something that seems to irk everyone but you are immune to it? it's like a double-barreled question. >> first, the left or babies. >> you don't like babies laughing. >> either laughter or babies.
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i am joking! i hate feet. i hate shoe feet. i hate feet. >> are there any alternatives? >> no, i don't even want to see them or think about them. stop talking about them. >> you shouldn't bring this up to joey jones. why are you blowing me? i am pro- feet. >> i love some self checkout at the cvs, target. most people hate it. i love it. love self checkout. >> i feel so good when i hear the beep. it's like a dopamine hit. i did it. it keeps you from buying loose fruit and vegetables. i hate having to way it. i can't do that. >> no, that's the challenge.
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go into whole foods and by nothing but loose fruit and vegetables. >> kat, something bothers you that doesn't seem to annoy others? we could be here all day. what do you like that irks other people? >> i guess the first one would be any sort of paperwork. i have a melt down. i can do it. basic human things make me not function. but something that doesn't bother me that bothers up for the people is to talk about my feelings. >> that is true. we don't want to hear that, kat. >> but i am open to share. >> yes. i don't know where to go on this one. doug, what do you say? >> i can't stand when somebody talks about their feelings. >> i actually can't either. i am with you. >> i can't stand somebody saying
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thank you and you say no problem. that implies that they did some big thing. that bothers me. >> something tells me that you say you kill them. no matter what he does. i'm telling him he did a great job. >> you know mattie from the bronx? you guys don't even use phones. >> you guys? >> julie? >> i don't like to hear about people's feelings at all. that is all kat talks about. i do not like people who smile or small talk. those are my biggest pet peeves. and also happy greetings like good morning. i don't like when people say good morning. it's one of my biggest pet peeves. don't say good morning to me. no such thing. >> i agree about smalltalk. tell me you would die for me are don't talk at all.
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>> exactly. and also crying or smiling or laughing babies. >> when people say how are you doing and you are obliged to ask them back? >> i don't care. you ask me how i'm doing just so you can tell me how you are doing. how are you? okay, good. i am so glad you'd don't want to know how i was doing. >> that's like etiquette at a bar. when somebody buys you a drink. do have to buy them a drink back? the commitment level when somebody buys you a drink is so strange. it's like somebody over there. you look over and now are you obliged? i hate that. usually i will take the drink and throw it at them. take that, grandma. >> i don't want your water down stupid. >> take your walker and get out.
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>> that's my demo. who is the most notorious person you ever met? i want to go to you first but i want you to think about it. i have a feeling there is a more than a few in your life. >> i don't know. i really don't. >> come on! you are from detroit. >> i don't know. somebody in jail? whatever happens? i don't know. i try not to think about it. >> i will come back to just like in a game show. >> good notorious? >> i would say i know donald trump. that's notorious. >> i would say that. >> but i already took it. >> i know van morris. >> you win. talk about feet. i am sorry. >> thanks for that.
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>> that whole visual. >> i met mike tyson. he was lovely. i don't want to offend mike tyson. >> he is supposed to be a very nice person. >> julie you have been around the block and i mean as a journalist. you probably met some interesting characters. >> this will sound really willard but bob dole. >> he is notorious? >> i was in college so i was impressionable. he was the first politician i met so i stuck with him. i hate politicians now. >> i will change mine. i met martin milner and kent mccord from adam 12. it was at an autograph signing. thank you. that was at the cow palace at an auto show in 1976. >> that is so sad.
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>> i still remember that. they signed my brochure. that thing with the car on it. >> hold on. mike tyson. i didn't meet mike tyson but i am good friends with chuck zito. >> he is scary. >> i called him one time when a friend of ours passed. i said i am sorry. i said where are you and he said california. i met mike tyson's house. i said really. the one question i didn't ask him. say hello to mike. the one question i didn't ask which i asked when i saw him later on is mike tyson's house really clean and swept perfect or is it upside down? i needed to know that. >> that's an interesting question that you didn't ask. >> i didn't want to ask him on the phone. tyson might have asked who is that guy. >> up next, doug talks fashion
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♪ ♪ [applause]
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>> greg: he's the man with a flair for great underwear. yes, welcome to doug's corner where we pick the brain of fashion icon doug d pierro! first of all, you got big foot by me over there. what is that? >> greg: that's you! obviously you are known for walking into the screenshot on newsmax, an interesting pairing of clothing, and we figured you would be the expert of what you might wear next time. can we go to the first pair? this is underwear that's like jeans shorts. do you think you could pull this off? >> definitely not. i don't like the red button. [laughter] >> greg: yeah. >> that's the last thing i want. i'm not picking that at all. this is kind of stupid, but i'm going to do it.
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[laughter] >> greg: you are a republican, so i assume -- >> snuffleupagus? >> greg: i think it's kind of cute. that'll stop traffic. maybe he's blind in one eye. that's one of his ears. look at this one. it's like a loin cloth. >> goodness gracious. why am i doing this? >> greg: why are you doing this is a good question! [laughs] >> by the way, those are not underwear. >> greg: you weren't wearing underwear. were you wearing? >> black shorts. it's florida, it's like 80 million degrees. >> where they spandex? were you working out? >> where you going cycling? [laughter] >> he has a motorcycle. >> i meant cycling like a peloton! >> greg: you are amazing in that picture. we forget -- we don't even look at morrison's face face. >> why would you?
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he's a great guy. >> how about this one? they go. you're a patriot. >> i'm going to call it the eagle. >> you would do that. we're going to see that on your next cameo. newsmax should just have a show of you in your underwear. >> i'm going to show up. >> greg: i'm telling you, man. >> maybe one of trump's speeches. >> greg: all right, don't here's to getting better with age. here's to beating these two every thursday. help fuel today with boost high protein, complete nutrition you need... ...without the stuff you don't. so, here's to now. boost.
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marlo thomas: my father founded saint jude children's research hospital because he believed no child should die in the dawn of life. in 1984, a patient named stacy arrived, and it began her family's touching story that is still going on today. vicki: childhood cancer, it's just hard. stacey passed on christmas day of 1986. there is no pain like losing a child,
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but saint jude gave us more years to love on her each day. marlo thomas: you can join the battle to save lives. for just $19 a month, you'll help us continue the lifesaving research and treatment these kids need now and in the future. jessica: i remember as a child, walking the halls of saint jude, and watching my sister fight for her life. we never imagined that we would come back. and then my son charlie was diagnosed with ewing's sarcoma. vicki: i'm thinking, we already had a catastrophic disease in our family. not my grandson too. marlo thomas: st. jude has helped push the overall childhood cancer survival rate from 20% when it opened to 80% today. join with your credit or debit card for only $19 a month, and we'll send you this saint jude t-shirt that you can proudly wear to show your support. jessica: for anybody that would give, the money is going towards research, and you are the reason my child is here today.
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charlie: i was declared-- this will be two years cancer free. but there's thousands and thousands of kids who need help. saint jude, how many lives they do save is just so many. marlo thomas: charlie's progress warms my heart, but memories of little angels like stacy are why we need your help. please become a saint jude partner in hope right now. [music playing]
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♪ ♪ charlotte! charl! every day can be extraordinary with rich, creamy, delicious fage total yogurt. >> greg: we are out of time! watching. see you tomorrow. ♪ ♪ >> hello, everyone, i'm tomm

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