>> ♪ ♪ >> sean: it appears that the overpaid prosecutor nathan wade reached a diverse settlement with his estranged wife. tomorrow she was set to testify. wade was going to be questioned about his alleged improper relationship with fulton county d.a. fani willis. that's all the time we have left. set your dvr so you never miss "hannity." let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld is next to put a smile on your face. >> [cheers and applause].

>> [cheering]. >> greg: happy tuesday, everybody. i love it. all right. here's something that said piss the poop out of you. not only were a dozen members of the u.n.'s palestinian relief agency involved in the hamas terrorists attacks. 10% of the staffers in gaza have direct ties to islamic terror groups. i am with hamas t-shirts were a dead giveaway. more than 100 people on the u.n. payroll. two were tracked to the hamas massacres. others supplied weapons and

seven are school teachers. what is on their summer reading list? these [bleep] work in schools teaching kids. the funding is going to terrorists training schools. what i call an explosive device they call arts and crafts. an senior israel official said it's not just a few bad apples involved in the october 7 massacre. the white house says the opposite. >> do you have any reason to believe that that might have been more widespread, it was beyond those 14 people? >> i have not seen any information that affirmatively makes that case it's more than 13. you have 13,000 unrwa employees

and 13,000 in dasa. -- gaza alone. let's not impugn the whole agency. >> greg: this is from a white house that calls half of american voters deplorables. but this is a small numbers. let's give them the benefit of the doubt and the [bleep] load of our tax money. let's impugn the [bleep] out of them! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you. this outfit is supposed to be a relief organization. they relieve you of your family members. they helped start that war directly participating in slaughtering civilian, kidnapping kids and raping women. but let's not impugn them. the u.s. is halting the funding to the agency temporarily. like this is a hiccup.

no, it's a cancer. why the hell were we funding these murderers in the first place? that's a damn good question and i am glad i asked it. president trump suspended funding for these creeps in 2018. took american taxpayers off the hook. based on this report, we know that once again he was right. is it me or was he right about all of the big things compared to this brain dead ass hat who pretends to run things now? who resumed that funding? i will give you a hint t. rimes with worst president ever. trump made a decision, it must have been a bad one. even if he decided not to take money out of your paycheck and give it to a pack of child murdering savages. here we are another example of poor decisions based on doing

the opposite of what trump did. this led to one of the worst terrorists attacks in history. they reinstated the funding because big orange satan man turned the spigot off. now the u.n. claims to have fired them. they should be fired into a pit of boiling oil. it's not just the white house claiming it's a few bad apples. other democracy -- dems agree like this dummy aoc: i am sure there is a bar tending job opening up. give them a call. you can serve them molatov

cocktails. the u.n. group itself doesn't want the group to end. quote: yes, especially at a time of war. a war your employees helped start [bleep]! the balls on this guy! i know a bunch of my guys killed people, but you can spare a few more bucks to keep this [bleep] going. for people who hate the jews they have hudspa. we will only fund one attack. why are we funding any part of the u.n.? why do we allow anti-semites to gather there. move the u.n. i will pay are in the tickets.

wouldn't it be nice to have a president who knows what is going on and doesn't make the white house smell of pine soland death? wouldn't it would be pert to have a functioning democratic party whose sole function is do the opposite of trump? what do you have. an invalid married to a fake doctor. tonight's guests. 10 feet of sass in 5 and a half feet of woman. >> 5 foot 9. >> kennedy! >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: writer and comedian joe. like a strand of spaghetti.

pale and skinny and fox news contributor, kat timpf. he wishes he could pick on someone his own size. tyrus. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: kennedy, this is a pat erne. -- pattern. anything trump does get rid of it. >> the left he is literally hillary clinton. -- hitler. cut taxes for old ladies. but he should die. this is like the proud boys in blm. here you have people. this is a bad organization because they are horrible at

vetting people. either bad at knowing they have terrorists working for them or they don't care. it's a magnet for terrorists. but remember this outrage. this is how libertarians feel all the time. we look at the failures of government on the international stage, this is why we should not be funding these organizations. >> people in the u.n. helps hamas. the u.n. helped somebody? >> greg: [laughing]. that's a change. we should shut the whole thing down the u.n. >> trump said bad things about u.n. people were like... people conflat funding with money going to helping people. throwing money at something can make it worse. it makes you feel like we have

that handled. it doesn't mean anything is handled. it's rare -- am struggling to think of an example. >> greg: i feel that way about raises. >> i know. >> [laughing]. >> greg: i feel like a hypocrite criticizing the u.n. over vetting when i have you here, joe. >> yes, i slipped through the cracks. >> greg: how did you get in here? >> he is clever. >> i can't believe people are shocked by this. i would be shocked if they said we need to leave early for rosh hashana. kat, this may be the first time they had a successful program through the u.n. i don't like them in new york. during u.n. week all the parking spots are taken up by

prostitutes. we should defund them. why don't we have the taliban judge a wet t-shirt contest. when trump was in charge, we didn't have these issues. the same people said trump will start a world war. he didn't but he had the bad guys afraid. the bad guys looking at joe biden shuffling around like it's snowing and you wore the wrong shoes that, doesn't scare anybody. >> greg: that's true. you have the old crazy guy on the corner and the benign dude. you walk where the benign dude is. trump is the crazy guy on the block and it worked. >> it's a ridiculous crime that all of the parking spots are

occupied by the prostitutes and all of the prostitutes are occupied by the u.n. members. >> [applauding]. >> what are the red blooded american perverts supposed to do? >> greg: you can't get a reservation at a restaurant or a hooker. >> and somehow we are getting screwed. >> [applauding]. >> i are the a lot of questionable men into my life but even i know terrorists. no terrorists. >> boundaries matter. now that the fun is over. in my lifetime, you hear conspiracies and look at things. this is america now. not only are we funding the terrorists, we are asking fur the ceasefire.

we cut their monoff. 157-million dollars is best guess. on "hannity" it was closer to a billion dollars of the money that went. they have done the deed. it's not the democrats -- that they are marxists. it's funny how they use the language to destroy stuff. the reason to defund the police department too many one bad cop in one city and they all need to go down. when it's on them. just a couple of bad apples. they cut the head off babies. your institution is done. we are backing them up. the feeling of being american no one looks to us for help now. we are a voke. -- joke.

our president has no idea what is going on. what was the response? in the news today, i will let you know. ladies and gentlemen, no response! >> greg: yes. that was upbeat. we have more fun stuff. she put her life on the line to save her canine. >> [cheers and applause]. get help reaching your goals with j.p. morgan wealth plan, a digital money coach in the chase mobile® app. use it to set and track your goals, big and small... and see how changes you make today... could help put them within reach. from your first big move to retiring poolside - and the other goals along the way. wealth plan can help get you there. ♪

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>> [cheers and applause]. >> ♪ it's video ♪ ♪ of the day ♪ ♪

>> our video of the day is from downtown l.a. where a woman was filmed clinging to a hood of a car after thieves swiped her french bull dog. the car rips down the street. on-lookers were amazed. to see traffic moving. >> [laughing]. >> greg: another woman approached and grabbed the leash and hopped into a get away car. there were 4 others inside. at least they were car pooling. she jumped on the hood as it took off. she may have watched too much tj hooker. a sharp turn threw her to the ground but her fall was broken by a large pile of human feces.

thank you homeless people. what kind of woman would do this for a dog? >> i would scratch their faces off. the law needs to be changed. our pets are not property. they are family. >> i would kill them. >> greg:y would scratch their faces off. dana is tiny but she can eat you alive. under the law stealing a dog is no different than stealing property. the dog has to be over worth $950 to be punishable by 3 years in prison. kidnapping a child is punishable to up to 11 years. shouldn't the penalty for dog napping be harsher because of their shorter life span?

it should be 77 years for a dog. the judge can say he's in a much happier place at a farm upstate. i fell for that when they took my dog away. kennedy you have frenchies? >> i have one. he is big. 38 pounds. you could split him in half and have 2 succulent dogs. >> greg: you don't advise that? >> no, i like him. he ate 2 pieces of pizza and 3 pieces of corn bread. he is a bastard but i would throw myself on the hood of the car. i have children. i would do the same thing for my children. dana is right they are members of our family.

>> greg: it has to be something about a change in law. tyrus, a 2 part question. >> i get to give you 2 answers? that's a different fee. >> greg: i will pay you for 2 shows. what is the best way to hold on to a moving car? >> come on! here's the sad part. that's a brave woman. jump on a car like that, she really loved that dog. the sadness is if you run the tape back, everyone else -- the guy on the bike didn't get a picture of the license plate. maybe you pump your brakes. stop so they can't go. or follow them.

we are so desensitized. this is what california became. you defunded the police. this is the only time in american history where a white woman screaming on a car and no one helps. in my community if we wanted help white woman in trouble, help! police, fire department, helicopters. now a white woman is in trouble and nobody is there. >> greg: that's so true. >> no one does anything anymore. >> greg: joe, do you have a dog? >> no, i don't know how you asked tyrus how he would stop a car? put his hand out. >> greg: would you jump on the hood of the car if someone stole a plant? >> i am not a dog person. it shows the difference. someone does that for a dog.

if you have a pet cat, they just leave. they go on to a better deal in the neighborhood. i don't know. when you get your designer dog with the chip, get an apple air tag so they can track him. or get a pet no one wants. snakes or ferrets. >> greg: anyone tried to steal one of your snakes? >> no one has ever tried to steal anything from me. >> [applauding]. >> greg: we have many fans who try to steal your heart. >> that's true. ladies, it's not in my back pocket. >> greg: [laughing]. i got an air tag for my dog. you never put it on. >> they would hold your dog for ransom. they have will illusion you make a lot of money. his gambling is disgusting. >> greg: true. i live day-to-day in a truck in

a parking garage. i have a roof over my read. you have carl and jeans the cat is getting up there. >> 14 in june. can somebody stole jeans the joke is on him. he loves me but he is not a nice cat. you don't pick him up. he draws blood. i am not joking. carl would be the opposite. he would go along with any family. he doesn't understand violence or pain. jeans killed before. he kills vermin. he would die without me. after i came home from the hospital, chapter 5 in my book,

he started to get ulcers on his face. the vet was worried i was going to die. it was eating him alive. that's how co-dependent we are. >> the cat was batting at your intestines? >> it's scary to see that. >> people don't wait until sun set to rob you. didn'tlet her finish her foot. >> downtown l.a. is a dump. lady ga-gashould donate a million dollars to getting this dog back. she had frenchies stolen from me. >> when they realized they had lady ga-ga's frenchie, they were like [bleep]. >> greg: a thief will get

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>> [cheers and applause].

>> greg: she is a civilian broad that pockets millions in fraud. she will still be allowed to retire with full benefits saying she earned it. that could have paid for 3 sex changes and 40 million men's tampons. she was arrested last month and charged with mail fraud and identity theft. she is out on bail. she spent million dollars to buy more than 30 homes. luxury cars and jewelry during a 7 year scheme. 30 homes? who does she think she is? bernie sanders? 30 homes? i get by with 6. maybe she needed homes for the parking spaces for her 78 luxury

cars and motor bikes. really what does a woman need 78 cars for? they can't even drive one. >> a sexist would say! >> greg: investigators said she created a bogus business to help military families but funneled the funs to herself. screwed over people in need to line her own pockets. that's like when i eat meals at the soup kitchen. federal law protects her retirement benefits. so the government still has to pony up her pension. you think $100-million would set up alarms among the military but they haven't counted the missing tanks from afghanistan. that's the story, joe.

>> yes. do you know how she was caught? the irs caught her. $100-million spent through the army and nobody noticed. she was $600 off on the irs pavement. if you are a freelancer and there are helicopters landing on your roof. you don't give any money to someone whose eyebrows look like that. either she is mentally ill or spent million dollars on sharpies. she was a financial planner. did a hell of a job. >> greg: that was a financial plan. almost got away with it. >> maybe working on ukraine too. missing billion dollars over there? >> greg: they lost $40 million was strollen in ukraine which

and our money. >> this is our money. the army gets money from us! i hope she collects her pension but doing life so it works out. is this some kind of fine? the story should not be that she might get her pension. she will be in prison so long, and that should have been the story. i am confused and worried that she -- she should never see a dollar from her pension. shouldn't the irs get that? this story is worded funny. i sense some debauchery in this story. she should not be free. >> greg: that's what i don't get. >> what was the bail? what she stole, $100-million.

>> greg: kat, a libertarian you go $100-million goes missing what do you expect. no one thinks this is their money. >> exactly. it's my money. as a half veteran i am especially upset. >> greg: [laughing]. >> she said she earned it because she thinks that way. that's how con-artists think. they are wronged by the world and she is a victim. she deserves all of this because she works so hard. con-artists don't think they are evil. they think everyone else wrong them and i deserve it. >> she is the hero in her story. >> greg: kennedy going to a women's prison and having a pension doesn't sound like a bad life. >> ask martha stewart.

they joined her sweater. she is on the right side of history. i have a different take. yes, 78 cars. military is wasting all of this money and stealing it. i will start a fund. she knew she was up against the clock. she knew she would get busted. they are coming next week. i will buy another house. let's get a car. we can race in the mountains. >> greg: how do you buy 30 homes? >> online. >> it's an easy program.

>> greg: i said read these stories. >> she is not a flight risk. she has 78 vehicles. >> and a submarine you don't know about. a hover craft somewhere. a rocket to mars. you want her on the show. >> greg: yes, make a motive about her. j-lo would pay her. >> with that $70 million bootie. >> or ronald mcdonald with the eyebrows. >> greg: elon enters your mind with a chip he designed. i see inspiration right through my glass. so when my windshield cracked, it had to be fixed right. i scheduled with safelite autoglass. their experts replaced my windshield and recalibrated my car's advanced safety system. ♪ acoustic rock music ♪ >> woman: safelite is the one i trust. they focus on safety so i can focus on this view.

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>> technology. software. hard data. let's experiment, honey. in the science corner. >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: thank you.

is your brain musk's domain? elon musk announced that neuro-link implanted a computer chip into the brain of its first human test subject. it's not adam schiff. results show promising neuron spike detection which means the patient got a boner. i am kidding. the brain chip with 1,000 electrodes allows people to wireless perform computer functions by just thinking. the long-term goal is to make the chip available to billions of people and go beyond biological capabilities. great, now i can fire people with my mind. >> [laughing]. >> [applauding].

>> we could murder someone with our mind. >> greg: but in the short term, they hope it will help people with neurological disorders. folks with head injuries or dementia could benefit from the chip. just let me die says one man. [laughing]. kat! what do you make of this? isn't elon musk amazing? every part of life he targets to make better. energy, space, technology, health. >> it's exciting for people who want this. people are in situations where this would be beneficial. we are going to end up we won't have a choice where we want an implant in our brain because people without them won't be able to compete.

like now if you don't want the internet or a cellphone. okay live in the woods and kill your own food. you can't function in society. the amount of secrets, if they could see in your mind. this is the one place i have where i can do whatever i want. don't take that away from me. >> greg: we won't. not yet. is kat makeing a good point? >> kat is 1,000% right. elon, no! don't do this. you are thinking about leaving at home and she is put your thoughts up on the screen! i don't want to. boom, someone sits next to you and looks at the wrong thing in your mind. it's the scariest thing.

every man in the world's life will be ruin. catching your phone but you are falling asleep and they link something up to your ear and put their morals into you. we will be big men slaves. horrible! they will rule us all. >> greg: kennedy, is this going to advantage women if you will be able to see what we are really thinking? >> i will have an army of new men doing my bidding. my every whim! i will have scented candles up my nose and other things up other places we can't talk about but can think about it. i think is great. i am a big fan of right to try. there are so many tragic stories about people who died because they could not get treatments and drugs that might have saved

their lives. if you have a paralyzed person under 40 who can't feel, they have the right to be a part of this the study. >> greg: that's interesting. this is all related. if you take something like steroids were invented for an illness but used as performance enhancing drugs. now that person can go on jeopardy and win without trying. >> it won't stop there. the last thing i need is another implant. >> greg: [laughing]. >> there is no way they put this in your brain and leave you alone. you get the ads unless you go

for premium. i say leave this alone. we are already caught up. the greatest chip invention was the scoop. george fore man grill and elevator door close button. >> we all need to stop this. when someone mentally texts you. i know you are there. i am in your brain. answer me. you can't turn the phone on silent and say i didn't get the call. are you mad at me? i will be pulling the implant on. >> greg: there will be an on and off switch? >> why did you turn it off? >> you can't leave your own brain on read. >> is someone messaging you?

is someone thinking about you. >> greg: this is fun. when a story needs a lift add taylor swift. directv sports central brings your games stats and scores together and now you can get it without a satellite. one more reason to finally get rid of cable. but getting rid of the cable guy... ...might not be as easy. oh yeah, touchback! visit directv.com for up to $200 reward card.

>> greg: taylor swift. >> taylor swift! >> taylor swift. >> taylor swift! >> taylor swift. >> taylor swift! >> taylor swift, taylor swift! can we please never stop talking about taylor swift? >> [cheers and applause]. >> greg: [laughing]. she is a keeper. a taylor swift story went much deeper. can we please never stop talking about taylor swift. pick a news story and link it to taylor swift. tyrus. >> i am being forced against my will, ladies and gentlemen. in the highlights i never mentioned the name i shall never speak. apparently i dont get paid unless i do this. toyota issues a do not drive

advisor for over 50,000 deadly issues for airbag issues because the car won't operate unless you download taylor swift's albany. just the sweet sounds of her music. there was a couple of accidents because they tried to use other singers. john mayer and jonas brothers and west. none of those worked. they dated her. >> this first i am hearing about this young lady. in georgia there is

a controversy. a drug company opened up a fresh marchy farm. -- monkey. 30,000 monkeys and you put them in a room with type writers they will have written a taylor swift album. >> [applauding]. >> greg: don't try to date her. >> imagine you date her and back her and then it's a hit song. >> greg, the ups slashing 12,000 jobs to save a billion dollars. they had a horrible 2023. it's been bad the first part of this year. it's because all of the people who spent thousands to see taylor swift, they could not afford christmas presents to send to their families. they stopped going to ups.

instead of sending presents they sat around for so long, these people are starving. they are eating the christmas presents for beloved family and friends. ups is saving a billion dollars. how much did taylor swift make from her tour? $1 billion? >> greg: a coincidence? i don't think so! close it out, kat. >> coastguard seized 55 million bucks of coke and weed and taylor swift gave everyone who worked on the tour 55 million dollars in bonuses. >> greg: really? >> my brother and i, our birth days are 10 days apart. let's pool our birthday money together and get something big.

that's what they did. this is not that much money. if we buy 10,000 pounds of drugs and sell it, then it's way more. they tried to create a small business. bigger than small with that amount of drugs. it didn't work out. >> greg: that's a great story. >> exact same amount. >> what you need to get through your tour. >> greg: [laughing]. this is my favorite segment of all time. we'll be right back. >> [cheers and applause]. the world's #1 sleep aid brand. and wakes up feeling like himself. get the rest to be your best with non-habit forming zzzquil. ♪ ♪ (ella) fashion moves fast. (jen) so we partner with verizon to take our operations to the next level. (marquis) with a custom private 5g network. (ella) we get more control of production, efficiencies, and greater agility.

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