unfortunately this friday superbowl weekend, that's all the time we have left this evening and we hope you set your dvr so you never ever, ever, ever miss an episode of hannity. thank you for being with us and making this show possible. we'll look at the worst and best advertisements on monday with a good friend of mine. anyway let not your heart be troubled and greg gutfeld is up next. have a great weekend! ♪ ♪

>> hey, you doing everybody? aha. it's friday so you know what that means? let's welcome tonight's guests. like a genie she can also fit in a bottle. co-host of america's newsroom, dana perino. hide him from your wives because he'll probably kill themselves. comedian joe matchy and my thirty favorite lou. mr. that joke is not funny anymore lou perez. she does her best lifting at the gym. bestselling author kat timpf. [applause] >> alright. yeah. okay. before we get to some news stories let's do this.

♪ gregs left overs ♪ >> it's left overs where i read the jokes we didn't use this week and it's my first time reading them so if they suck we'll throw mackey in a meat grinder and make meatballs and force feed them to steve doocy. up first. medical researchers say nose picking can lead to memory loss. [lau [laughter] >> i really don't have to say anything. this is easy. speaking of joe, yesterday special counsel investigating joe biden's counsel called him an elderly man with a poor

memory. hate to be that guy, says one man. [laughter] [applause] >> meanwhile a new study shows erectile dysfunction medications might lower is the risk of alzheimers in elderly men. there's only so much i can do, says one woman. well, earlier at a campaign event biden claimed he spoke with m.i.t. helmet coal who is also dead. had aids in a panic but dr. joe just replaced his i-phone with th this. and in last night's presser president biden mixed up mexico

and egypt. it's an easy mistake to make. they are both countries. meanwhile on cnn jeffery tube said the comments about joe biden in the report with inappropriate and i know inappropriate, he said. while feverishly masturbating in front of his co-workers. one after the other. now as you know joe said he's not going to do that traditional superbowl halftime interview but cbs found a replacement that's just as articulate. >> so many people are wondering how is vice president kamala harris reacting to joe biden's performance. now we go live to the vice president.

[music] i think we can probably move on. i think we can move on now. so delta airlines announced plans for new airport lounges only for premium members and alaskan airlines invited all fliers to enjoy their open-door policy. yeah. manhattan d.a. alvin bragg declined to answer, wow. settle down boys. he declined to answer why seven illegal immigrants that attacked co cops were released without bail. he was also asked why his lawn and hedges looks fantastic. this week king charles was diagnosed with a form of cancer. doctors say the cancer has been

around for eight years and is 5 foot and 6 inches and has dark brown hair. [applause] squattered took over 1200 homes in atlanta and opened illegal strip clothes and in related news, hunter biden moved to atlanta. finish air, otherwise, known as thin air will start weighing passengers, if this catches on here there ghost abc's travel budget. speaking of the view sunny austin appeared on a program and found out he's a descendant of slave owners. yeah, i know. not to be out down joe be har

found out she's a descendant of slave ships. funny because they are big. a drunk and fully naked florida man was arrested after strolling naked through an airport terminal. luckily, he only had one bag to check. disgusting. sorry dana. sorry you had to hear that. but if i said one testicle to check it would not have worked. disney is reportedly considering replacing johnny depp's character jack sparrow with a female but we heard amber herd is free and she knows how to swab a poop deck. [applause] >> worked perfectly.

torrential rain has brought record flood together california. hundreds of residents have been able to stay dry by taking shelter under kim kardashian's ass. that's not a mudslide. yeah. took it too far. finally, during recent interview actor kenly calve said he's not fan of sex scenes and joins many other people that hate them, especially those that don't have sex at all. sorry joe. you're getting some sympathy love after this show. now to the news. biden addresses the special counsel's report as his job appears to be on life support. the president surprised everyone last night when he gave an

impromptu press conference. it was hours after special counsel announced no charges in joe's classified document scandal and it described joe as a sympathetic well meaning old man with a poor memory so last night he tried to convince america that he's just fine. [laughter] but in reality he did the opposite when he confused two countries on opposite sides of the earth. >> i'm of the view, as you know that the conduct of the response in gaza, in the gaza strip, has been um... over the top. i think that um... as you know, initially the president of mexico did not want to open up

the gate to allow humanitarian material to get in. i talked to him and convinced him to open the gate. >> well at least dr. jill didn't refer to the leader of egypt as a breakfast taco. you have to wonder why did he do the presser? who told him that was a good idea? bud lite? [applause] >> the white house press corp. even yelled out questions he didn't want to answer. it was almost as if they were actual journalists. so this is always happen as tucker carlson interviewed russian president for two hours and all the reports of putin's poor health are as phoney as biden's good health. he went on and on rattling historic facts and this as our president decomposes in real

time. to find a bigger contrast you would have to get me to stand next to someone ugly. thank you. thank you so much. now you can call pew entertain murderer, dictator, propagandists but you can't call him incapable unlike joe. last night the universe served up one help of a contrast. we have a cunning adversary in putin and we have a confused befuddled one in biden. another one sniffs hair and talked to the dead. [laughter] but you got to thanks the media who shielded the public from the truth about joe for so long. this as they wrote countless articles about putin's shaking

and with joe we should be so lucky. but it raises the question how can biden stand up to putin if he can't even stand up to gluten? [applause] thanks to joe, as a country, we're nearly as divided as russia and ukraine. one says half america first and the other says half america sucks and putin just cares about the necessity of a national identity but after last night maybe it's clear that we should too. [applause] dana, there's so many questions i want to ask you about last night but let's stick to the press conference. >> exactly. hot tubs are something else.

[laughter] >> was that his decision, if it was his decision? did they say go for it? what do you think happened? very >> as press secretary i would have threatened to resign. i've done all i can and i can't lie, so i can't go out there. even if it was a staff decision, everything comes from top so i'm not buying the excuse that staff did it. here's what i thought was a good decision for them to have him come out and say something otherwise, just having a vacuum there, it would be filled by somebody like by you for example so i thought it was smart. come out and give a nice tight statement. i never thought he would take questions and neither did the press. they freaked out because they never get to ask a single question and he starts to attack the press and then he pulled a column bow.

he's walking out the door and he takes one more question and he walks back to the podium and that's when you know all the staffers started to have a heart attack. because up to that point and then when he said mexico, i was like, there's pyramids in mexico? [laughter] >> i think i would have said, sir? go out and give a statement and tomorrow morning after the oatmeal when you are fresh you can do your press conference. >> it's funny you said that we're tight and the thing is, the real problem is not the words but the spacing between the words. you could drive a semibetween his words. joe by the way congratulations on that brand new members only jacket. are you now kind of their

official spokesperson or model? >> yes, greg, expect their sales to plummet. >> you are going to be their dylan dylan mulvaney. joe? who is running the country? >> things are going terribly, so joe biden. yeah that press conference was a bigger disaster than the special counsel report. he mixed up mexico with egypt and then he mixed up america with china when he said he got a country back on it's feet. this next joke is kind of intricate. [laughter] biden defended his mental acuity greg while he seemed sleepy,

grumpy, dopey, and then happy when it was over. he represented all of the seven dwarves when he went to see the doc. [applause] lou? what do you make of this situation and how does this look to the world? is this crazy or what? >> i want to see how far we can take it. like i want biden 2028. i just want to keep going and also, like i just got to say, we have all these americans here all on their high horse. i can't he get this wrong. did you goes really know there were presidents in egypt and mexico because that was news to me. we called mexicans spanish egyp egyptians.

so i can see the mix up there. >> true. true. kat? >> i know we pretty much scraped the bottom of the barrel on biden jokes but he keeps giving us more material. >> so he did this yesterday because he had to do this, okay? this was like the hail mary pass. this was billy madison challenging eric to the decathlon and "happy gilmore" and adam sandler movies are all i watch but when things get desperate, let's try something crazy which proves they were freaking out that this came out. we've been in this so long that it's easy to forget how crazy it is. we're having a presidential race coming up and sorry nicki it's going to be between two people one of whom is not senile but being charged with stuff and

another that's not being charged with stuff because he is senile. what are we doing here? [applause] >> my goodness. >> i thought things were supposed to return to normal. >> no. >> kat, when you mentioned billy madison movies i thought they were going to get to prove biden was smart by getting him to pass the first grade. >> alright up next if elmo carried mace he wouldn't get hit in the face.

if you have chronic kidney disease you can reduce the risk of kidney failure with farxiga. because there are places you'd rather be. farxiga can cause serious side effects, including ketoacidosis that may be fatal, dehydration, urinary tract, or genital yeast infections, and low blood sugar. a rare, life-threatening bacterial infection in the skin of the perineum could occur. stop taking farxiga and call your doctor right away if you have symptoms of this infection, an allergic reaction, or ketoacidosis. ♪ far-xi-ga ♪

alright. yes. settle down. larry david knocked a muppet out and a whiney b-cries and put as. larry david was on the "today show" with elmo and elmo's dad. i thought he grew up fatherless. no, i'm thinking of mackey. anyway shenanigans ensued and this happened. >> let's go over to alfred and check on the weather. >> wait, wait, wait.

oh! >> you love elmo, don't you? >> i'm not know you before. >> ask permission before you touch people. >> ask permission before you touch. who do you think you are? mat laur. lucky for larry this happened in new york city where assault is totally legal. but obviously anyone with a sense of humor could tell it was all in a sense of fun. >> larry? >> i want to apologize. >> thank you larry. i'm accept your apology larry. >> i'm really sorry. >> the whole thing didn't sit well with one actor named will

wheate never saying what the f is wrong with that guy. he's the best friend to multiple generations of people. he's caring for others in the spotlight and larry [bleeped out] did that and thought it would be funny, what an stupid tone deaf ass hole. read the room and understand what's happening in the moment. understand there are larger things in the world than you and your garbage ego. like my ego. by the way i have not seen language that profane since i stole judge jeanine's photo of artist and this was called larry's attack undespicable and how it reminded him of his father's outbursts as a kid. how was harry supposed to know

that kid so this reminds someone of child abuse? you know there's an adult under that red fabric? wait until he finds out elmo has a grown man's hand up his ass. [applause] >> joe? you are equally as emotionally harmed by this, weren't you? and it's touched you? >> i was traumatized because michael strahan's teeth reminded me of me before orthodontic work. but this did bother me because will wheaten took this joke and decided to make it about himself and he's not the center of anything, especially a star trek episode that wants to be good. i hate it when people tell

canadians how to make jokes. you don't tell the beatles how to make songs. that's arrogant me comparing myself to the beatles. i'm going to fix that. that's like someone telling the rolling stones. >> it is pretty funny like this is, what he is, lou, is kind of a textbook example so he lived almost his entire like public life on twitter and social media so he had this where people expect you to know about their inner turmoil. i just saw dirty harry on t.v. and somebody shot me in the street while eating a hotdog in the 70s. we didn't know that. >> i haven't been reading will wheaten's diary to know what he's been through his entire life but i think you pointed it out. i don't think his probably is

with david but with louis, elmo's dad who did not protect him from this attack. i'm a father of two so a daddy louis, as well. i'm saying don't put your hand on my sons or we're going to have trouble. i wonder what it would have happened if it was oscar the grouch because i think larry david would be stabbed and pleading in that room right there. >> ernie would have been out of control. >> nuts. >> harry david should have responded by strangling big bird. >> just the fact that he said that, larry david was being sell centered but really he's like because of what happened me that nobody knows about. that's self-centered and also, like self-centered like, that's kind of larry david's brand, right? has this guy ever seen curb your

enthusiasm. oh no my reputation has been destroyed, right? i'm glad you pulled the word unforgivable out you can be sad and not like a joke but he said that was unforgivable. people don't think about that when they say that. what? should he be shot or go to skral? what should happen to him. >> does he really spell will with one l? that is an ego stroke, you know what i mean? [applause] no, no, no, it's one l. can you imagine at the bank and everywhere he's like, you spelled my name wrong on the check. that's why i had two g;s on greg when i was 13. >> did you do that?

>> yes. >> being a boy wasn't enough for you. >> it wasn't. i needed the extra g. dana if you live in this fake world you think people will agree with your fake outrage and in a way it reminds me of bud lite hiring dylan mulvaney based on an illusion of opinions. there were activists there and the trend was the next big thing. the same thing. he lives in that world and it's not real. >> well gregg. [laughter] [applause] i have a feeling that will also believes that the wwe fighting is real. >> you know what? you are so lucky tie russ not here. [laughter] >> i only said that joke because he's not here. and i'm hoping he doesn't watch

on fridays. >> he'll find you, trust me. you will again be stuffed in a locker. which is really easy because that's where you ly most of the time. >> it's nice. >> up next a dna twist you can't resist! meet the traveling trio. the thrill seeker. the soul searcher. and - ahoy! it's the explorer! each helping to protect their money with chase. woah, a lost card isn't keeping this thrill seeker down. lost her card, not the vibe. the soul searcher, is finding his identity, and helping to protect it. hey! oh yeah, the explorer! she's looking to dive deeper... all while chase looks out for her. because these friends have chase. alerts that help check. tools that help protect. one bank that puts you in control. chase. make more of what's yours.

♪ video of the day ♪ [applause] >> thank you. austin's obsession with race gets thrown in her face. today's video is from sunny hall stop. she was on pbs finding your roots to talk about ancestry. she's a staunch. supporter of reparations and has made a fortune spewing nonsense about

white privilege and racial justice. turns out she's not as oppressed as she thinks she is. here's how she took the news she was descendant of slave owners. >> wow i'm in shock. i thought of myself as half puerto rico. i didn't think i was, my family was originally from spain and slaveholders. >> yeah. so how are you feeling my friend? >> i just, i think it's actually pretty interesting that my husband and i have shared roots, so i do appreciate that and i think it's great for our children to know this information. i guess it is a fact of life that this is how some people made their living on the backs of others. >> fact of life?

interesting change of tune. for more chief correspondent for a reaction. [laughter] >> lou? is this karma or what? >> first i want to go on the record to let everyone know that i'm very much against slavery. okay? very brave to say that on this panel. you know karma definitely. it's going to be so awkward on new episodes of the view when she tries to pull the race card

and she's like america is racist and they are like you might be racist but they are not like, slave owner racist. like somebody we know. [laughter] >> you know? >> i'm going to milk this until the end of time. you are right. every time she says something stupid i'm going to yell, slave owner. kat that's the second time i've watched that. she was tipped off beforehand. they had to tell her before so she had time to regroup. they wouldn't just surprise her? you think? >> i don't know. i feel like she could have maybe have done better. here's the thing. one thing and i would have not given her any [bleeped out] she said i guess that's what they did back then. she should have followed up with saying, i understand that's a departure from the way i've talked about this before. that was like, to me the one thing that was missing, right?

because now that you have this information, have you had any personal growth. you have to acknowledge that. it's okay to change your mind but you should acknowledge that's happened. >> exactly. if she is shaming descendants of this, will she continue to when she is now one of them dana? she's so wrapped up in identity and she had no idea who she was. >> now we understand why she makes whoopie get the coffee. [applause] >> oh. >> i don't know. that's not true. but you think about things she said and how offensive they are, well karma. >> that's someone descended from the keebler elves.

[laughter] >> you make a mean cookie and now we know why. >> 23 and me was so confusing. >> your family lived in a tree trunk. joe, your great grandfather was actually i knock owe. what is it when you get insulted people feel bad? >> because they love me, greg. [applause] >> greg? you know, in her defense, everyone has ancestors that did unspeakably horrible things but not everyone's ancestors have records tied to their dna about it but i'm more worried for s sunny's progeny in the future that find out they were related to a cast member of the view.

and they are like, ah, it all make, so much sense now. why am so stupid and fat. [applause] >> alright. terrible. terrible. terrible! this is awful. coming up they'll dance on your laugh but don't put one crap. >> if you will be in the area and would like ticket to sees gutfeld visit our website and click on studio audience. mucinex dm. it's comeback season. now try mucinex instasoothe sore throat medicated drops.

alright. security is the goal for girls working the pole. true? they just want protections. while giving men erections.

washington state exotic danceers are advocating for a stripper's bill of rights. what would that energy tail, workman's comp for dollar bills. making sure every pole is room temperature and a right to bear arms and anuses. no. we're being serious here. strippers face sexual harassment while on the clock and the proposed legislation procedures for handling violence and assurance they'll never have to give a lap dance to jerryed in aler but most strippers performance as independent contractors meaning they are ineligible of work benefits. on top of that you have to raise

hunter biden's kids. kat? there is a strong argument because stripping is an industry that has not been updated since it started. men come in and they throw dollar bills at naked women. should they update it? >> i feel like they are not asking for enough. i read this and i was like, i don't think there's controversy here is there? like, yes i completely understand why you would want security and the other thing is like we want to keep more of our own tips. after you do that you should keep all of your tips. i'm on their side. >> i think so too.

everyone else was like i don't want to clap for that in public. >> strippers want upward mobility but isn't that what the pole is for? >> and by pole you don't mean congressmen. i was surprised as a stripper p strip and something is wrong with this and gavin newsome should get on it. >> he has. get on it. you know what it is? energy ever you go to a hair or nail salon those women have the same deal. they are renting that chair. you know this. you stripped in the 90s. talk about a members only. i don't even know what that means. what was your stripper game? >> joe mackey. i have no shame. but i agree with these

strippers. they need better security. back when i was stripping i was kissed by so many old women it must've been how guy richie felt when he married madonna. [applause] >> anything else, joe? >> to dana's point i have to pay a fee and buy my own break away police uniform? >> lou? you i'm a big defender of the bill of rights. especially second amendment when it comes to strippers and i think it's a big business opportunity because you get to pay more to see where she's concealing the gun. >> she has to have the holster on for a long time. it's not something you choose

for a long-term career? you know, how long did you strip joe? >> i thought that was your inner monologue there for a second. >> screw you joe. up next viewer mail that's never stale. for long-lasting cough and sore throat relief. try new robitussin lozenges with real medicine and find your voice. you know? we really need to work on your people skills.

when barbara switched to turbotax... i broke four generations of family tradition with five little words... ma, i wanna make perfume!

( ♪ ) getting my business off the ground was a full-time job. so i made barbara's new side gig count by guaranteeing 100% accurate filing and her maximum refund. make your moves. we'll make them count. intuit turbotax. 100% accuracy, guaranteed.

yep you are watching mailing it in. >> gutter bowl turkey asks if your pet could talk what is the first thing you think they would say to you, dana? >> perhaps who's this jasper you keep talking about? because i accidentally call him that before i call him percy. he might task me for that ball e lost all over the apartment. i threw it away because peter thought he'd swallow it. >> it's not very funny, is it? >> joe you have pet? >> i currently have a dog and many parakeets and a lot of them could talk and they said joe mackey has a great body because i guess they learned to mimic it

from hearing so many women say the same thing. >> lou? what do you say? >> i think my dog would turn and say, why did you get to keep your balls? >> yeah. >> kat? carl or your kat? >> your kitten has a cardiologist. >> he'll be 14 in june. he'd probably ask me for money in exchange for repeating not all the things he's seen. >> that's so true. cheese could blackmail the hell out of you. >> cheese knows it all.

i got cheese when i worked at boston market and a lot has happened and he's seen every second. >> gusts would say, please close your robe. it's my house. don't go away. we'll be right back. p it ain't my dad's razor, dad. ay watch it! it's from gillettelabs. this green bar releases trapped hairs from my face... gamechanga! ...while the flexdisc contours to it. so the five blades can get virtually every hair in one stroke. for the ultimate gillette shaving experience. the best a man can get is gillettelabs.

when migraine strikes, do you question the tradeoffs of treating? ubrelvy is another option. it works fast to eliminate migraine pain. do not take with strong cyp3a4 inhibitors. allergic reactions to ubrelvy can happen. most common side effects were nausea and sleepiness. ask about ubrelvy. >> joe! our studio audience. i'm greg gutfeld and i love you ame america! >> good evening and i'm kevin in for trace gallagher. 11:00 p.m. in the east and 11:00 here in the east and this is fox news at night. breaking to night the white house in damage control after the disastrous special counsel

re