eople sign up? to schedule your free inspection. call 833-leaffilter today our agents are standing by. or visit leaffilter.com. ♪ ♪ >> quick programming note, tomorrow we will be at shelby park, eagle pass, texas, to interview former president donald trump at the border about the border crisis. governor greg abbott, ted cruz will be with us, as well. that's all the time we have left. please set your dvr. in the meantime, let not your heart be troubled. greg gutfeld here to put a smile on your face.

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> greg: that's all me! that's my fault. my fault. all right, all right, all right. happy wednesday, everybody. tomorrow, both president joe biden and former president donald trump head to the texas border to duke it out on america's current migrant crisis. the sad part is only one of them will know where he is. [laughter] the other will think he's on a beach in delaware during cinco de mayo. for biden's part, this is only the second time he's been to the border during his presidency. the other time it was to pick up a package for hunter marked "baby powder." [laughter] of course trump has been to the border numerous times, and it's obvious why he's been talking about it for years. it just took forever for everyone else to catch up. the truth is that trump, that

terrible knuckle-dragging vulgarian who they love to hate, shows he knows the pulse of america better than his opponent, who may not have a pulse himself. i know. too far or not far enough? sure, trump is a billionaire, but in the end he's a guy who puts catch up on his stakes. joe put catch up on his pancakes thinking they are steaks. trump cared about the border before it's cool. now dems are copying him. biden will show up in an orange wig with stormy daniels on his arm. but he's known all along the border is a big issue to most americans, that an unending wave of morgan's less vetted than a harvard president isn't a dream, it's a nightmare. as we gear up for the showdown at the southern border, trump has got the home-field advantage, because he was their first when it was patriotic and not political. he was bouncing now because it is political?

biden. it took the death of a young woman before they were forced to book flights to el paso. it's like all of us had harassed miss training presenting to make pretending to care. the media accuses those who force the issue of seizing. >> republicans seizing on this horrific tragedy at the university of georgia, seizing on as an example of biden's failure to protect the american people and secure the border. >> riley's death igniting a political firestorm, john burns indicating the house will take steps on illegal immigration. >> as if the initial fact were not horrifying enough where the sense of loss not deep enough by now and it's all been compounded by the revelation the suspect was in this country unlawfully, and how quickly that fact became politicized. >> greg: so solemn. every seizing? damn right we are. why aren't you seizing, anderson? still hung over from the shots on new year's eve? a young woman had her life still

in and as the rest paperwork shows, and the most brutal way possible. it's not that we are seizing on it, it's at the media misses it every time. the only way they react to the real news is if we shove it back in their faces, or in their words, seize, which is the new pounds. when they use that term it means "please stop, you are humiliating us." that's worse for them then missing the story. this morning and illegal is busted in connection with the murder of a 2-year-old boy. last month and illegal shot at cops here in new york, and in louisiana a honduran man was arrested for attacking the 14 euros at knife point. remember how they said laken riley's murder was evidence of the dangers of running alone? maybe that's how they will cover these stories, too. that killing a child highlights the risk of having kids, or a cops murder highlights the benefits of defunding. teen rape highlights the risk of puberty.

it's the same logic trying to live in a free society that makes us at fault. so yeah, the dems and the legacy media are on the ropes. sure, you can all get together at the white house correspondents' dinner and laugh at trump's hair, but don't you realize your day is done? the legacy media is like a former star high school quarterback who now sells shoes for a living. except, unlike al bundy, their glory days were never glorious to begin with. today those bastards the longest at the national agenda. you do. and like that crazy ex to keep going back to you, donald trump always has. it is not so much that today's border cast shows that trump was right all along, it shows that you, america, were right all along. no one voted for open borders, and neither party supports it. trump was just willing to listen. the fact is, his willful blindness on the border strikes most americans as far more vulgar than anything trump has said about anything. if you remember, it was trump who said back in 2016 that we have some bad

vulgar than anything trump has hombres and we are going to get them out. they were willing to pounce on that because it was racist and xenophobic, and, as it turns out, common sense. like so many promises, he kept this one, too, by rounding up ms-13 members in long island. but the dems can't get over the rhetoric and the oh so precious feelings of the illegals. here's the mayor of athens, georgia, addressing bastards' murder today. >> we center our work here in people's humanity, and part of everybody's humanity is the expectation of human dignity. 2019 was not that long ago. you might remember the dynamically reliving in in the late teens in this country, where you had the president of the united states speaking in the most vile terms about people who were foreign-born. and you had that metastasize. >> greg: how do you say

asswipe in spanish? did he forget he was there to focus on a young woman's heinous murder at the hands of someone who shouldn't be here in the first place? and all they could do was focus on trump most vile terms not that long ago? [bleep] you. trump's words may not have always been elegantly phrased like that one, but he is honest, accurate, and relevant to the actual lives of americans. if the polls or any judge, americans want the hombre he's been willing to seize all along. as hopalong joe limps into town to fix a crisis he created and now blames on republicans, it is no surprise that many texans are saying too a little, too late. we need a new sheriff in town, one with a six-gun in his holster, not melted soft serve. let's welcome tonight's guests! he gets a standing o whenever he

cancels a show. actor, writer, and comedian, jamie lissow! [cheers and applause] he knows free speech like i know a nude beach. nicholas giordano! raccoons complain she's been going through their trash. "new york times" best-selling author and fox news contributor, kat timpf! and when he gives you a piece of his mind, it gets delivered on a forklift. "new york times" best selling author, comedian, and former n.w.a. world champion, tyrus! [applause] >> tyrus: i just raise the roof. >> greg: jamie, always a pleasure to see you, and i mean it this time. i didn't write this question. jamie, can you relate them visiting the border to you visiting your kids who were taken away with everything else in life by your ex-wife, leaving you as a sad and broken comedian from alaska? >> jamie: completely. wow, that was right on the nose.

>> greg: [laughs] >> jamie: the last thing you showed, where biden was eating ice cream, i was looking and i was like, i don't know if we can say definitively that's ice cream. because that's how they serve him all his food. that could have been a bologna sandwich. somebody says, can i get an extra straw for my steak? i hope when trump becomes president he builds a wall while joe biden is in mexico. [laughter] so trump went to -- could just quickly on pouncing on stories, you talk about things when tragedies happen. that's why it comes up. it is not necessarily politicizing it. of course trump has been there before. he's going to eagle pass. biden is going to brownsville, which i have a feeling every time biden doesn't get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, he wakes up in brownsville. [laughter and applause] >> greg: nicely done. shall he stop there?

nick, i always love how, whenever there is any kind of political issue, you will hear a democrat or a liberal say we need to have a conversation. it is good that we have a conversation. but then when you have an opinion on a conversation, they accuse you of pouncing. >> nick: well, they try and turn the issue around paid the media is soulless. that's what they become. they are more angry with the fact that they got caught trying to sweep the murder under the rug, and now they have to report it. it's an illegal immigrant who shouldn't have been in this country, than they are of the actual murder of an american. it shows you where this country has gone. we have political officials that have completely abandoned the american people, and they should be held accountable. their policies are destroying the united states. our adversaries get to sit back and watch us implode, and i just wish the former president tomorrow would actually show up in brownsville instead at the same time biden is there, they roll out to podiums that have a debate on illegal immigration right at the border. it would be a genius idea,

pay-per-view event. [applause] >> greg: that's an amazing idea, because if biden refuses to debate, all trump has to do is go to places that represent an issue, so we can go to a supermarket about inflation. >> nick: he's great at trolling, he should do it. spewing that causes joe to show up and then they have to debate. i'm glad i thought of this. thank you. we will clip everything you set out and pretend i said it. kat, do you think the only reason biden is going is because trump is going? >> kat: yes. i do have an analogy. biden is a guy who doesn't really want to commit, doesn't want to get married, and trump is all of his girlfriends' friends. because all of his girlfriends' friends are getting married, and he can only be a smiling bridesmaid at so many of those weddings before she goes [bleep]

crazy. the champagne toast is nothing compared to the sobbing meltdown in a hotel room after every wedding. so eventually has to propose. this is actually true, i was going through this. he gave his girlfriend and engagement bracelet to try to buy some time. you want to hear the worst part? she accepted it. she waited around more, and then they actually got married and then, can you guys believe he cheated on her? [laughter] >> greg: engagement bracelet, that's going to be a thing now. >> tyrus: if the story ended differently, then he got his money together and got a beautiful ring. but i thought would happen. they got married, he cheated, divorced, and she was sick with a bracelet. probably an impending doom gift, to be fair. one fan in the crowd tonight. thanks for coming. you finish the show.

>> greg: what do you think joe is going to do at the border, and what are the odds of him maybe not showing up? >> tyrus: what is joe biden going to do at the border? i'm not good at impressions but i have an idea three things will happen. he will walk the runway, face the wrong side of the fence, because he will be standing in front of the fence, the cleanest, most beautiful -- if i was the mayor of any city, i would rather have biden coming to my city to speak of the border. because nothing's going to change after the speech, but it's going to be clean. it's going to be gorgeous. trump is going to go down the road, there will be all these people and fans and supporters that show up, litter bugs, balloons, confetti, and it'll be this this magnificent thing and the electric bill for the city, all the plug-in cameras and people showing up, and he's actually going to be in an area which is heavily traffic by illegal alien crossings, so there might even be some action. i'm willing to say he'll be up

there like, "there's one right there, look." [laughter] somebody get a picture. when i get in, i'm getting you. something like that. now we are all impersonators. the ugly thing of it is that conservatives aren't against people coming to this country. we are against people coming illegally. there is a magic word, illegal. [applause] and invasion. that's the issue. pouncing -- there's always a new term. pouncing is something cats used to do two things they were going to eat. now it is from one network the decides to tell the truth and the other didn't want to. you are pouncing, picking stories. i don't even want to get into the horribleness of the story, but it's not pouncing. it is telling the news, and maybe if they got back -- anderson cooper is supposed to be a news man. instead all we hear is opinions.

jake tapper, someone i respected, i can't make that argument anymore because they are so bought into, just say what you want to say. if this is the way we want our country run, we break a few eggs, guys. we break a few eggs. >> greg: i think cnn has invented what is called the cnn face. have you ever noticed that? it is just a look of, like -- [laughter] >> tyrus: resting cnn face. >> greg: it is resting disappointed face. all of them do a variation of that invented by mr. anderson cooper. all right, up next, a club that can't take a joke if the comic isn't woke. do you remember the pain, the worry, the canceled plans? and look at me now. you'll never truly forget migraine but qulipta reduces attacks making zero-migraine days possible. it's the only pill of its kind that blocks cgrp

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♪ ♪ [applause] >> greg: they told comics to skedaddle at a club in seattle. pretty good, huh? i speak of a comedy club that canceled performances of four comedians apparently they deemed problematic, leaving seattle resident serious because this gives them four fewer victims to rob. the list includes luis gomez and three guys you have seen on this ratio, kurt metzger, dave smith, and jim florentine. what exactly was the clubs issue connect besides that there pronouns are he, him, and his. an email sent to the comics cited discussions with local comedians and neighborhood groups, and reads in part, the "capitol hill is known for its progressive values, and we have received significant feedback expressing concerns about the alignment of these upcoming shows with the neighborhood's ethos. this feedback includes concerns from local advocacy groups that are deeply embedded in our

community and work toward upholding its values." so, they were concerned about aligning with their neighborhood ethos, and what neighborhood is that? well, the club is located just around the corner from the former capitol hill autonomous zone, or chaz. what to mike which i'm pretty sure is latin for hellhole. remember that communist paradise paradise? it's where they took over the summer of 2020, the summer of love, the site of multiple shootings, two debts, arson, and alleged sexual assault. imagine the gaza strip but with more human feces. it cost the city millions in damages, but thank god they are protecting that from unwoke comics. the only thing they will assault as your precious feelings. to sum it all up, these guys are bad because they are actually funny, and you can't have that in a woke environment where crime is preferable to comedy. they prefer criminals killing on

the streets, not comedians killing on stage. which is why they wanted to get jamie lissow, but he was busy babysitting his kids because his ex-wife was on a date with a hotter looking guy. >> jamie: mm-hmm, facts. >> greg: [laughs] kat, i am theorizing here that the clubs knew they were hiring. they knew these people, so they canceled it because they found out about the comedians. they had to cancel because they were threatened. right? what's going on? >> kat: they just did these guys the biggest favor they could ever possibly -- if you know who any of these people are, i can't imagine anything better for their careers than to get a cancellation happening to them. i mean, like, luis gomez and dave smith? wait until the fans of the podcast, "legion of skanks,"

find out people think they are offensive! it is so absurd, and the buzzword more than anything is "local comedians," as in people who go to open mics and are not successful and are very upset, not so much at the content of what these guys are saying, but at the fact that they are not as successful as they are. i think that is what so much of this stuff is rooted in. "maybe if i can become a nationally known comedian i can take one down." but really you did is lifted them up. >> greg: i didn't think of that. the local comedians, what do they like? >> tyrus: i know exactly what they like. they come to the stage, and the first thing they have to do, everybody right there pronouns on a piece of paper, there's a pad and paper and the number two pencil with a special eraser in case you are triggered by ru rubber. and then we will begin the show. the problem is that takes an hour and 45 minutes,

because -- listen, i think the club -- at first actually wrote on twitter, until jim florentine steps in. i have a perfect example. last weekend -- thank you, but not yet. hold it steady. last week i was in andover, massachusetts, and i did a stand up show, 1500 seats, sold out. it was like 200 people wanted to come in standing. it was crazy. because 40 miles away a club in boston said, "well, our community -- we are not sure tyrus is a good fit." the only thing i said was to find me the closest club close to it, and we did that. my advice to them was do the same thing. find a club, you four get together, because i book my own [bleep]. no agent, my wife does it all. a book wherever i want to. they should do the same thing. you get way more money anyway if you do it yourself, trust me.

but they need to do that, because the point is, let them have it. the only other thing i was going to say is the crime is so bad there, the club is already on its way to going out of business because of woke comedians. or they tell the guys don't come because they're afraid of getting there [bleep] burned down. that's the other side of it. that's why you never get mad at the club. i say cool, thank you. gps me something close, just to make a point. so make the point, but it also could be that they are scared of doing anything because there's no help from law enforcement, no help from the government, they are bringing these guys and getting threats, and they've been living in this [bleep]. they live it every day. so maybe don't take it so personally and be like, maybe this was just a thing for all those guys. and they can book an event and get people to come. [applause] it is pretty interesting that no comics torched a business or attacked a police station or

rioted in the know-go zone, but they are the ones. >> nick: this is why comedy isn't funny anymore. you have these comedy clubs who want to go woke. no one wants to pay for virtue signaling. you need to hear that? does turn on the news are going to a college classroom, you can hear it all the time. it used to be that conservatives were the uptight ones, but you look at the numbers now, a third of americans think that freedom of speech goes too far, and if we look at the age group, 16-29, over 50% believe it goes too far. so they are the uptight ones. you got to push the envelope. there is no boundaries. it's all about free speech. i grew up in the era of eddie murphy and richard pryor, george carlin. i was eight years old. you had to watch what your parents watched on tv back then. they didn't coddle you. you just watch and laugh. that is what made it fun. now we have you, we have jamie, we have chappelle.

>> greg: in that order. [laughter] >> nick: tyrus, of course, kat. when you are looking at it, those that push the boundaries are the ones that win. they are the ones that are funny and bringing in the crowds, and hopefully this comedy club does go out of business because of it. >> greg: i think this is a perfect sent for you, jamie. the next timely dishes get canceled, which is probably tomorrow, say that it was over threats over your too hot to handle material. >> jamie: yesterday they canceled the show because no one was coming and i was like, the five of us are out of here! i was so upset when the story cannot. i called the club and said, can i work there? [laughter] i was so jealous. you are right, kat. when i saw the story, all four of those guys are incredible comics. they are all hilarious. if you are big with neighborhood groups and open micers, i guarantee you are not fun if you are a favorite of those guys. but i was so jealous. let's say their goal is that people don't hear this unwoke

comedy. i know so many people that google and youtube these guys today, they did the opposite of what they wanted to do, and makes me happy for these guys. i think they did book a club down the road, the tulsa comedy club. i was there maybe four weeks ago, it was sold out pages massive "gutfeld!" fans pack the place. i'm down with -- i just did a college, i said i would never do them again, and it was good money, so i got hired at this college. before the show, a girl comes up and goes, "here's a list of the things you can't talk about." i'm not kidding. if you had dropped her list and my set list, they were the same. [laughter] but i'm happy for these guys. it's not a big deal for them at all. happy for them. >> greg: then i'm happy for you, jamie. >> tyrus: you should be! he's in a wonderful relationship, his career is going well. stand up to him!

you're not divorced loser guy anymore! you are happily rebounding guy getting through it! >> jamie: god, if you like my parents are fighting. >> tyrus: you have black parents? hold on! black history month. in my not alone tonight? we got an extra day. don't clap. [laughter] >> greg: up next, brats expected a chocolate river, but willy wonka didn't deliver. [applause] hey. you seein' this? wait... where's the dish? there ain't one. you're tellin' me you can get directv —

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but. now the chocolate experience had billed itself as a fantasy like never before, we can capture the enchantment. but trust me, when someone promises a fantasy like never before, don't you buy it. i'm still healing from larry kudlow's slip and slide party. [laughter] there is no slip and slide, just a jar of ky. it was also supposed to be featuring an enchanted garden with giant sweets and bloom's magical surprises, which is the same language brian kilmeade uses to get people to his van. they also promoted their imagination lab with mind-expanding projections and optical marbles, and a twilight tunnel with enigmatic sounds and a dimly lit passage. which reminds me, i'm overdue for a colonoscopy. [laughter] but there was none of that. instead they got a dingy warehouse. look at that. it looks more like a molester

hideaway, not a chocolate factory. it's so seedy, even kat won't stay there. for longer than six months. look at that [bleep], it's not even suitable enough to house migrants. i have seen crack dens with ambience. no candy coated magic whatsoever. and there is a rainbow, some dimestore wall art, if you candy canes and lollipops and some toadstools. not un an oompa loompa insight except for this sad faced little person. is that meth? i don't think those are bonbons of the speakers. the entire thing was shut down in the company apologized and promised full refunds. but it was so bad, apparently, the scottish parents actually called the cops. i believe we have that 911 tape.

>> 911, with the emergency? >> i'm at the willy wonka chocolate experience, and its absolute [bleep]. where are the gobstoppers? i'm freaking out! >> calm down. >> how can i come down when they're not giving life lessons in the form of song? i paid 35 pounds for this! i expected to be an elevator that goes sideways and slant ways and longways and back ways and square waves and front legs and any other ways i can think of. >> this isn't really a police matter. >> the chocolate river isn't even a wee bit edible! these people should be behind bars. >> wonka bars, maybe. >> do you have some? are they scrumdiddlyumptious? please! >> it was a joke. stop, don't. come back. [applause] >> greg: nicholas, you have

kids. is there any lesson here for parents? >> nicholas: i wish i could have taken my kids to this. visited cheap price to make it to teach them about discipline. expectations don't match reality and have to handle real-world situations. they also get the lesson on buyer beware. so i would look at the positivity of this as opposed to the negativity. let's face it, the parents, they coddle their children too much. we have all been to these horrible events of they have to bring our kids through and we have to suffer through it, so why can't we take our kids to an event where they have to be disappointed? i think this works all around. >> greg: yes, crush their innocence. >> nicholas: exactly. and i do have experience with the polar express righted paid a lot of money for that didn't match expectations. >> tyrus: the train show? i paid for that [bleep]! i was mad as [bleep]! we had already read the book at home. i was like, my kids are having a good time because i raised them

poor. [laughter] that's the thing, i'm going [bleep]. i would have took my kids to this and they would've had a blast. "daddy, look, rainbow!" that would have tore it up. >> greg: it looks like a really bad art museum. >> tyrus: it looks like events we have to go to. i grew up poor and broke. we went to the fair and you paid the extra money to go see the headless cow that was jumping and frolicking, and it's in a jar. you know what i'm talking about. the two headed baby, the mermaid thing that clearly was so [bleep] by just watching all this, and they had one really huge -- by today's standards, not that big anymore, but back in the day, now she would have to get to jobs, be the big girl and the bearded lady. and the guy walking around he said he's a world strong as man, but i was bigger than him, so i was like, i don't believe this guy. and you had a guy, they lift up

the curtain and they are like, look, crackhead. and unfortunately greg stayed around a little too long and went and investigated and saw the crackhead smoking cigarettes, which led to why that monologue makes so much sense. you got a lot out. that was greg's childhood in between the staff, all that stuff that was being said. you can find that crazy man. >> greg: it was the allentown county fair sideshow. they will have a guy, "this is what happens when you're on drugs," and i cut them on a smoke break absolute normal. >> tyrus: did you ask for a refund? >> greg: yes! it was $2.50. jamie, you are used to disappointing children. >> jamie: i think you made a great point to got missed a moment ago, they could have pretended this was a modern art exhibit. because you can't mock art. you just have to go, they should have changed it. i'm with everyone else on the panel so far. i don't mind this at all because i judge of experience with my

children as, how long is this going to [bleep] take? [laughter] if we walk in somewhere and they go, "i love it here!" i'm like, oh, no, it's going to be ours. this, a minute or less come in and out. if i was in charge of this, i would've been like, no, this is based on the tim burton one. >> greg: they should have changed a movie and said this is some other movie, or they could have said it's a medical exhibit. you are inside a giant stomach. >> tyrus: that is starving. >> kat: i disagree with everyone. i'm on these parents 'side paid first, this happened in scotland. if you grew up in a culture we have to put on a plaid skirt and sucking just to play an instrument, you might be a little sensitive to people not committing to the bit. >> tyrus: your twitter is going to be ugly tonight. speech he is speaking of twitter, i saw this video that change my mine.

this is unbelievable. >> makes chocolate and lives in the walls! so these people weren't just disappointed, they might have actually thought they were going to die. you're in this empty warehouse with this thing coming out, lunging at your children! i mean, that was unnecessary. >> greg: they should turn this into a movie that is so bad it's good. this could be a hit. the worst traveling show ever. >> tyrus: i believe the working actor described it as weird dreams go to die. >> greg: [laughs] we got to move on. coming up, he thought estrogen would do the trick to steal his buddy's check. lawyering and... liaming. all on my own. count on me, mia. i'll file your taxes for you with 100% accuracy, guaranteed.

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>> a story in five words. [applause] >> greg: bandmate doses pallet estrogen. tyrus, this is an amazing story.

a metal band cut ties with its lead singer after he admits to lacing his bandmate's drinks with estrogen to make him more feminine, so he by comparison would look more manly and steal his buddy's fiance from him. meanwhile the victim lost weight, experience muscle fatigue, got stomach ulcers. do you buy this story? >> tyrus: keep going on. he grew breasts, got emotional? they were little ones. this is a heinous, horrible crime. estrogen -- i know everybody wants to be able to snap their fingers and switch whenever that argument doesn't go their way, but it doesn't quite go that way with the human body. putting estrogen in a man's body is bad news. it is like he was measuring it. "i want to make sure he's safe." he was trying make you miss feminine as possible, which only hurts his chance of stealing the girl. because she picked him when he was at his best, they are

together, and now the normal man things that don't work will start irritating her. they're not going to be there anymore because suddenly he's a good listener. [laughter] help suddenly he's watching netflix and he's the one going "this is beautiful!" and he'll say things at breakfast like "go on. "[laughter] which will only strengthen the relationship. when he goes crying to her not understanding why his erectile dysfunction is happening, she's going to understand. because he won't do a guy thing and pick a fight with her because we are having issues and going to the bar at 12:00 in the afternoon and explaining your woes to a stripper with your wife's credit card. [laughter] he's winning. throwing that out there. >> greg: kat, in the old days a guy would get steroids and get big to enact the grill. this is the opposite. he's giving his rival estrogen so he can remain the same, but

the guy can turn to a lady! >> kat: first of all, thank you for doing your part to educate me about the old days. that's what i learn all about it from. safe to say i think his shot with this girl is over. but also the way he found out was he told them! he got really drunk and told them he was doing this. everyone in the world knows what it feels like to drink too much and be like, i don't know if i should have said that. imagine the next morning. none of anything anyone has ever said compares to getting so drunk that you tell your buddy and his fiancee that you are obsessed with her and therefore you have been dosing it with estrogen so she would like you better. >> greg: jamie, do you believe this? >> jamie: i think i do. i would like to apologize right now, i have actually been putting estrogen in joe machi's estrogen drinks. [laughter] >> tyrus: that actually makes sense. in his estrogen drinks?

[laughter] >> greg: terrible. >> tyrus: i thought it was milk shakes! >> jamie: he's having serious problems. he went to the doctor, they told him his vagina was swollen. [laughter] they are putting it in his preworkout drinks. before my shows, they hand out cream walk out drinks. >> tyrus: i was with you all the way till the end, jamie. now you just kind of -- >> greg: you shoehorned that a joke into the topic! >> jamie: i fully knew it would bomb and still did it. >> greg: do you want another one? >> tyrus: that joke, and his marriage. >> t>> jamie: when i want to fel like i took estrogen i will just hang out with tyrus and feel like a woman. >> tyrus: you can even sit in my lap. >> greg: whatever happened to giving a girl flowers to meg what happened to the good old

days? beside the good old days are gone. i think it is partly a p.r. stunt. if it's real, it shows you how dumb and stupid we have become. we are just on the decline as human beings. sooner or later, robots will overtake us. >> greg: my theory is that it was a publicity stunt from an obscure metal band. if so, it was awesome nonetheless. i think that was a great p.r. creativity. >> tyrus: but they broke up. >> nicholas: now they can reunite and have added tension. reunite and have added tension. >> greg: u up next, the fun won't quit because the animal friends are legit. ef that lasts. that's my babyyy! -ow! get mucinex instasoothe. it's comeback season. were you worried the wedding would be too much? nahhhh... (inner monologue) another destination wedding?? why can't they use my backyard!! with empower, we get all of our financial questions answered. so we don't have to worry. empower. what's next.

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♪ ♪ ♪ if you love all the birds and trees ♪ ♪ all the fishes in the seas ♪ ♪ if you take videos of pets ♪ ♪ it's as good as it gets ♪ ♪ this segment is for you ♪ ♪ we hope you are free dreams come true ♪ ♪ it's time to celebrate greg's animal friends ♪ ♪ celebrate greg's animal friends ♪ [applause] >> greg: jamie, you go first. >> jamie: this is my video. it's this really cute seal. the whole time i read the story i was like, don't make a joke, it's too easy. don't say something like "they got this from joy behar's

vision board." or "this is brian stelter after a fast." i won't do that. i will say it's one of the best looking protesters i've ever seen. >> greg: nick, what you got? live of the video i picked, i think it's a good video because it is fitting. the second i saw it, it is a cow -- but it reminded me of seth meyers watching joe biden lick ice cream. and i think it is time the democrats ditched the donkey and go with the cow going forward. >> greg: kat, what do you have tonight? >> kat: it's just cute, it's not about joe biden. a kitty! and look! cats are amazing, you guys. thank you, thank you. >> greg: close us out. >> tyrus: my take, my prize couple, as you can see them fighting off everyone trying to eat their eggs, had their

babies. the dark when is the woman. her stripes come out when she doesn't want him to mess with her. so i took the babies out, and the female is a blood five, so i crossed them and this is with the baby has ended up looking like. that super color, i'm a pretty proud papa. there's like 20 of them and there's only two because of budget cuts. that is for my maga fans come he's even got the little purple. >> greg: that's maga country over there. all right, don't go away.is we'll be. right back.skyr [applause]izi, i like that. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90% clearer skin at 4 months. and skyrizi is just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine, or plan to. nothing on my skin means everything!

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♪ upbeat music ♪ asthma. it can make you miss out on those epic hikes with friends. step back out there, with fasenra. fasenra is an add-on treatment for eosinophilic asthma that is taken once every 8 weeks. fasenra helps prevent asthma attacks. most patients did not have an attack in the first year. fasenra is proven to help you breathe better

so you can get back to doing day-to-day activities. and fasenra helps lower the use of oral steroids. fasenra is not for sudden breathing problems or other eosinophilic conditions. allergic reactions may occur. don't stop your asthma treatments without talking with your doctor. tell your doctor if your asthma worsens. headache and sore throat may occur. tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. get back to better breathing. get back to what you've missed. ask your doctor about fasenra, the only asthma treatment taken once every 8 weeks. if you can't afford your medication astrazeneca may be able to help. >> greg: we are out of time! thanks to jamie lissow, nicholas giordano, kat timpf, tyrus. i love you, america. [applause] >> trace: good evening. i'm trace gallagher. it's 11:00 p.m. on the east coast, 8:00 here in