>> sean: peta is coming for easter eggs asking them to replace them with potatoes saying it wouldn't exploit any sense in being greg will put a smile in your face now with gutfeld. >> ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> greg: thank you. >> this is for everybody. >> greg: happy wednesday everybody too big surprises donald trump has taken enough delegates to be presumptive nominee and joe biden is still alive. and bidens advance team is full of tour mail and tox says that he in turmoil describe in the presidents underwear. >> greg: who writes this filth? >> you do. >> greg: i know. that extinct willie mast mast is almost been revived using it by using cells from the distant

cousin. >> greg: we apologize to the wooly mammoth. the newest hero is an animated turd speaking of animated turds we didn't even write a punchline. a spring breaker admitted to cocaine use on fox and friends and her friends and family were outraged. that she appeared on fox and friends. a chuck norris turned 84 this week celebrating the kicking the crap out of his water aerobics class. front lien airlines will allow them to pay extra they call it standing. americans are wary of

tipping glad i never started says 1 man. oakland taco bell's closing diving meet -- dining rooms over crime you can buy the food but enjoy your diarrhea in the car. terrorists using fake ids the cost of border have raised red flags for the fbi director. worried they might sneak into r-rated movies. >> it was there. hillary clinton charging $5000 i headed to attained a fundraiser they are asked to bring the heads in a plastic bag. >> greg: you don't deserve that joke it was great. the transcript reveals the president made car noises when

talking about his corp. corvette. to be fair her did pull his finger. >> greg: you remember the jan 6 committee the worst fact finders since oj. he would've got a hearing in tehran wearing gay pride shirt 1 was cassidy at hudgins and you gave them flip-flopping third person testimony that trump attempted to choke out a secret service agency and the presidential limo to drive them to the capital to join the january 6 right. that's despite there being a glass barrier between the front and back seed. as absurd as it wasn't the committee stamped her story is factual evidence and pushed it like jesse does with his ship books -- [bleep] books. now at gop house report with the limo driver disputing all of this.

so like adam shift getting laid in college, the lunch never happened. 3 other actual witnesses concurred with that date a good north bay can ignore testimony like abiding grandchild. like what the committee reported trump and offered 10,000 national guard troops for security that day more testimony the committee buried and so they hit exculpatory evidence that proved trump was trying to prevent riots. the committee missed at the mark more than biden hitting the urinal on your air force one but in this case it was deliberate and then they looked for miss earrings they displace the records may be there in joe's garage who knows. we are not required to get certain materials says bennie thompson. asked the bennie you are and trump faces federal charges as

part of your findings so interviews are what we would call evidence. i guess you would label it burn after reading the wonder kids were crying and must of been from the smoke. so the lies kept coming and as usual the only go 1 way to protect 1 guy while damming another. recall them saying hunter never made any money from china. that was enough hogwash the clean the cast of the view turns out that was his accuracy as the presidents inflation numbers i'd say joe biden is good at division he still hasn't apologized for calling laken riley killer legal we don't mistake or wise for our sisters. it proudly continued the

democratic tradition here's an exchange with madeleine dean and democrat. >> since the transcript is out i'd like you to correct the record on an important point sadly europe or on page 208 says mr biden couldn't come up with the date the year of his sons but death when in the transcript it shows you asked him the month june know what he said? he said oh, god may 30th would you like to correct the record's memory was pretty firm. >> i don't believe that's risked correct with perspective the transcript but i'd be happy to look. mimic a read about your reporting. >> greg: matt. >> greg: liar, she's not making mistake she's just full of [bleep] asking about joe biden's death but as the transcript from the interview shows it wasn't her who brought it up first it was joe so she hadn't clearly read the

transcript like she claimed she lied. then there's this jackass insisting to report exonerated biden. >> the lengthy expensive independent investigation resulted in a complete exoneration of president joe biden. >> greg: let's take note of the word you used exoneration that's not a word. >> that's not my task. >> i will continue of my questions. >> you exonerated him. >> i didn't exonerate him. >> it's my time. >> greg: let me lie! maybe if you keep repeating the light it works. okay i'm 5'7, i'm 5'7, i'm 5'7. >> i'm 125 pounds. >> greg: the lie is too easy to disprove as they said there

was insufficient evidence to charge biden know the criminal act was proven he was just too mentally gone for the jury not to see anything but a feeble old man he was guilty of 2 things really violating the law and the 25th amendment but they don't care because they count on the media to back their lies and assume the public is too stupid to question it. >> it is notable that he wrote that biden couldn't remember when his son died that's not true he correctly stated the date may 30th but struggled to written name of the year. >> he remembered the day in the month he was just peeking out loud what year was that. in a much more conversational way as opposed to really stumbling over what year was. >> he's trying out because he humiliated himself. the only way that guy could be a bigger idiot would be to gain weight.

so once again once again it's lies going 1 direction it's accept both no fact checking necessary and makes trump look like a cross between a cream sickle and lex luther. now to the oval office actually it was behind the door then came the hoax where they smeared trump is a nazi even though he didn't go to harvard although we didn't go to harvard they've he said he was inciting the overthrow the government bison elderly tourists with no weapon 4 years later from college realize you've been had. hunters laptop with his own photos grab rated is russian information they can find

russian hookers that feed on trump. it's pretty easy to pay occurred to say they feed on someone. just today i found 19 that say they peed on the kill me to. and at least 10 of them were lying. so keep making it up as you goad democrats and media keep carrying there water because unlike joe biden we have a memory. what let's welcome tonight's guests. nobody broadcasts the way this abroad casts michele tafoya. makes kids cry in the playground joe devito! she slim graham and probably leap leap your cousin tim kat timpf! and he keeps his toothbrush in a guitar case comedian tyrus!

michele what did you make of the whole thing i loved how they called them irrational and crazy but he was the calmest person of ever seen in this thing. >> 's name is her so every time they said her said or if you listen to her unlike who is she was this person it's h ura had to remind myself. he was so composed and factual and as you said really comfortable and confident in his position that dialog says it all. it's my time see you exonerated him know you didn't thank you did yes i'm done that's the way they did it. remember harry reid when mitt romney was wring for office said mitt romney has not paid his taxes and 10 years a complete fabrication washington post called it a fabrication but later said i don't regret it he didn't get elected did equally

that's the reason they do these things they destroy people's reputations opportunities in futures i thought he handled himself pretty well but it's the other 1 of trump lunging through the monster the beast or whatever to take over the will just try to picture the reality of that like you're sitting in the back of the limo lunging how do you even physically lunge to get at the wheel. so that had my mind screwed up from the beginning and now all this testimony they hide the testimony it comes out leader and we need to hold them to better. part of this is on us we accept our damn lies and don't hold them to account. >> greg: i think we've just grown used to it. >> which is awful. >> greg: to generate 6 hearing is more offensive then genuis 6 itself.

>> they are pushing the actual line. saying he didn't remember the date he doesn't remember the year well the year is part of the date. they didn't ask him what time. so the try to act like that in the thing of joe biden he doesn't have early-onset dementia he has right on schedule dementia. there's a reason why there are 81 years old people who are sharpies not 1 of them we need to stop them from saying it's like when you see a 95-year-old with the road brace good for him but it's not because he had an awesome time it's because he's good enough for that age and joe biden is in good enough or 81. they say these things about trump and michele you are right. the idea trump can lunge and shatter for plexiglass what is he an x-men he's breaking through plexiglass like he still -- stealing a toilet paper at cbs it doesn't make sense what they are saying although i did

learn if you don't want to agree with what someone says you just say it's my time. >> greg: what did you make with that thing? >> a lot of things. it's almost as if these people might not be going into this looking for the truth. >> greg: what? >> they aren't looking to gain a greater understanding and it might just be a circus to get a viral clip out of it. that's what she was doing because listen she figured if i could just say you did say exonerate that will be the clip i will go viral everybody will say what a hero i am because clearly interrupting her for no reason just saying the thing you just said is not true she said stop i'm trying it is it is she wanted to repeat it and have there be enough space i don't know but clearly nobody goes

into this for greater understanding it's all ego driven. what is he is supposed to do she expects him to remain silent while she puts words in his mouth. >> lying about the report and literally looking for the pages. the word exonerate is not on the report unless you route it in. and it's like know i wrote it in the red ink the bigger issue i think is it's not that he went for the plexiglass let's leave that out. effective thought he could whip -- what his securities ass is a problem. and when stuff got hot the bodyguard would tell me to get into the car he had an inclination president trump is a smart man he knows he couldn't put hands on a secret service agent he wouldn't be there anymore. he is 1 guy who was taking selfies that guys neck a be there so you've decided 1 day terrace is not answering the questions where like it so i

will grab them and shake them. how do you think that's going to go. >> not well for me. >> for me either well cnn is hiring i'm good. but that's the point. the story is so far-fetched the longer this goes i think there needs to be more arrests but they are on the left side it started to look like they were the more planners in any right-wing person because they seem to know every angle where they weren't doing anything they always knew the angles where there was something going on. when they were walking around in the police were letting them go and the only was going on ever but he is very casual and relaxed seeing it and it was you have to look here soon my kids do that it's called gotcha you are lying. there's some left-leaning guys who need some spanking. >> greg: now i know.

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>> greg: speculation runs deep on who will be vp as trump and biden clinch nominations. but what rfk the third party candidate considering new york jets quarterback aaron rogers and former pro wrestler in minnesota governor jesse ventura 1 is in elite athlete and 1 played for the jets. >> jesse ventura was a navy seal. both are reportedly open to the idea. he also reached out to rand paul andrew yang and the toll see gabbert who declined yes, and

asked asa hutchinson or mike how can be he's waiting to hear back from ross perot. >> greg: he will still get 18%. trump is considering a dozen potential vps including tim scott, elise, jd vance and former secretary ben carson but seems to me he's overlooking the obvious strong candidate. nobody says you can't pick yourself i pick that all the time. when i'm choosing sick partners. i probably should have just ended it with the picture. >> a big laugh from the wife on that 1. >> greg: is rfk telling us he's not serious or is he trying to be careful not to pick somebody looking like it's right or left. >> he made a big mistake is

suggesting people more well known that he has you don't want to do that because you are vice president vice president to supposed to be that tiny terrier you put on when you have a flat. it said there is an emergency to get you where you need to go that's it's not like you want to have a car with all 4 tires. i mean it's an interesting idea as soon as aaron rogers heard that he jumped for joy and shredded his achilles tendon completely. can we please refer to jesse ventura as jesse the body ventura that's his actual name i feel that the vp is important because we have guys so old this time around we should have younger people so the vp can do what they are supposed to do just go to funerals or people you've never heard of. >> greg: very true. kat you are a huge sports fan aren't you? aaron rogers leans libertarian is that appealing to you. >> yeah, but rfk isn't.

that's just what people say on twitter. >> she lives it. >> my favorite is people saying trump needs to pick a woman to get votes from women as if women never don't like another woman. like never happens you'll never hear woman look at another woman and say i don't like her. some of the meanest things effort in my whole life come from women. >> true. >> greg: and they can 8 you and still want to. [ laughter ] >> greg: tyrus should we be asking aaron rogers to be running for anything? >> yes why not. maybe he stumbles but listen joe makes a great point if aaron rogers was vp it would be on the

cover of everything. is they have no shot. independent thing won't go anywhere. otherwise there would be bigger names because aaron has been in the league a long time only 1 victory not a very good record. jesse the body ventura he would be a good vp but again you can't have 2 crazy controversial people like rfk and jesse the body. we keep talking about him i have to be honest it's cute and cool and sounds good but it's not happening. the more important issue if this whole thing is i have insider information like okay fine it's me i'm vp. i can't go i can't go.

tim scott is going to take it if i can't go. depends on if you will give me those days off. people you don't knows funerals i don't know. >> greg: trump should pick all 4 of them and then have them compete just be like you're fired you're fired. i think his choices were designed not to look partisan because my erie is what if as a third party to get a large percentage. if biden loses they will blame rfk of trump loses they will blame rfk siesta fred they need to worry pick somebody not right or left. >> i know for a fact that aaron rogers received interest from another candidate as well. this is not the first candidate who has talked to aaron rogers it was via vac ramaswamy --

ramaswamy. i think it's the whole covid-19 stance and that the made him popular with a lot of people i lived in minnesota under jesse ventura i wouldn't recommend this. i thank you are right that's just to kind of crazy people i don't think either will change anything but it's interesting unlike in the other parties yes to present his pick to get on the ballot so it's an interesting thing. i thank presidential candidate should go out there before the convention and say here's this and here is my secretary of state here is my team. i think that makes you all the more desirable to a lot of different people if they know who's on your team. he's presenting it in oakland for some reason. who lives in oakland? i don't know. >> greg: i don't know anybody lives in oakland i have a friend

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[cheers and applause] >> greg: don't clap for that it's disgusting. all right. last night we told you about deadspin going belly up after publishing a story that smeared a young football fan with black face accusations what could be

worse than trashing a 9-year-old? watch. >> we could've seen this coming when they actually published an article trying to cancel a 9-year-old. 9-year-old kid i would like to know what where the pitch is rejected. if that's what is getting through this is actually the best they have to offer. it's actually worse than we even know. what were people offering to write that they were saying no. as bad as we see it it being it's worse than we know. >> greg: could you see is your infant racist? >> i guess you could just go younger. >> greg: how much do you want to bet if you are at home if you googled is your infant racist. >> some but he would tell you yes. >> greg: indeed there was an article. our viewers googled my request and lo and behold racist babies. several articles that racial

bias might begin in babies that 6 months the university of research reveals how to raise antiracist babies. and from time your baby is racist and why you can live with that. that time article cited a study that found toddlers preferred to play with adults who look like them over those who didn't. which does improve racism it just proves species jews what's most familiar as a mode of survival and there you have it grade is not just sexy and beautiful he has a right. [cheers and applause] tyrus. >> while. you've a lot of babies were any of them racist? >> all of my kids are racist yes. it's not like it's a worry about i recently went through that at the park is playing if the kid

and there was a toddler in the sandbox and i heard the n-word and i was like he said nana and i was like i heard something different look at how we looking at me. elect down his diaper little swastika right there and it's like get this racist baby out. called me a black lady i don't know what that little boys. this is the stupidest thing in the world there is no racist baby. if there is put some soap in his bottle if you feed him and hugged him and lovely you need to worry about the parents that's the first thing. is that how you hold him? >> not you more like it's moving. >> is this another reason to hate babies? they are racist bad enough that

screaming it also racists. >> i do wonder where they got the babies for this study. i am not a mother that i know. and if i were a new mother, 6 months old baby soaking in all the joys that motherhood has to offer somebody is like can i borrow your baby and i was like why and it was like we want to see if he is racist or not. maybe i would be that desperate for childcare i don't know but i want to know where they got the baby. who is willingly like here's my baby let me know if these racist. >> i think planned parenthood should embrace this and jesse every abortion stops racism. >> well, that is that is a good take a great. >> greg: i was pleased with myself.

never happened before but it also doesn't tell you how many toddlers were in the group so it could've been 10 and this happened was 7 of 10 babies and that makes it 70% sure but that's 10 toddlers so i'm not sure. i would like to know the methodology but i'm with tyrus yes, they can take things younger and younger in the sports world we were interested in college players going to be great pros know you are interested in high school players being great college players now we get interested in elementary school players before you know it we're going going to say it was the toddler that can play in the nba. they keep going younger it's an unnecessary focus. >> it's so stupid. take your baby to disney world

he sees mickey mouse he screams because he is a big rat that doesn't mean he hates animals the first time he sees me he's going to scream the same way. >> greg: the first time i saw santa and he wasn't black he was holding a knife though. >> what is more old white man then santa. supposed to be the most accepting people. joe are you surprised there are actual articles about racist babies week. >> no, and you are all wrong babies are the most racist. was the last time they marched for civil rights. yeah, were look at them skinheads. i will say i don't care for babies racist as long as they shut up on a 3 hour flight. that baby could be sitting next to me reading the protocols of the elders of zion as long as he

shuts up and doesn't take my son chips. >> greg: he has a mind calm coloring book. all the coloring -- crayons are white. now stratus again let's google we said babies google is it possible that your unborn child could be racist and then google can sperm be racist. if we have articles for that we are doing this again tomorrow. coming up it might sound crappy but you can learn to be happy. from chest congestion and any cough, day or night. mucinex dm. it's comeback season. now try mucinex instasoothe sore throat medicated drops. i bought the team! kevin...? i bought the team! i put it on my chase freedom unlimited card. and i'm gonna' cashback on a few other things too... starting with the sound system! curry from deep. that's caaaaaaaaash. i prefer the old intro! this is much better!

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meditation and journaling do you do any of that do you believe this? >> i do those things but i think i've been hurt a lot because when i read the article the first guy thought was i bet it will be crawling with predators. because i think about it. you rarely get an opportunity to walk into a room with what is sure to be vulnerable people right. they sit there taking a class a college class on how to be happy that's like having a live laugh love sign. a clear advertisement things aren't going well for you. >> greg: for a lecherous professor getting vulnerable girls. like you guys are said to. >> greg: hot girls who think they are not attractive won 01. were they happy because there was no yes or homework? >> they were miss rowan there

was no guys in the class was like sex ed in college. it's the same thing at the big nudist's there's a lot of guys they think they will meet aren't. saying happiness will be harder than i thought. >> what i think isn't happiness when you are young overrated if you are happy when you are young you are less likely to be ambitious about improving your life i was miserable when i was young and look at me now. thank you. >> i agree a few my self-esteem was in the toilet the talk to people about this who said this probably why you worked so hard. but i will say this i think right now in this day and age so many people are so unhappy and depressed they don't realize

sorry to get touchy-feely but they don't realize they have in their own power to make themselves happy through things like meditation or whatever and maybe if they sit in the classroom is somebody who really knows their stuff and tells them you do have control over making yourself happy no matter what anybody else tells you. maybe there is something productive and positive about that. shock me up as 1 of the girls taking it. 's. >> greg: see what i mean. >> i think it's good. >> greg: first thing they would say is put your phones down and they wouldn't do it. if the thing that makes a miserable looking at how everybody else lives instagram is like telling them everybody's got a better life. >> instagram is all fake [bleep] pictures nobody's happy there. >> that's lessen number 1. joe are you happy? >> you mean right now?

i've been better i suppose. let's be honest most of the students happiness is not repaying their student loans. what this shows is happiness takes work the bitterness flows naturally. i tried some of these things i journal but at some point it turned into a manifesto right. >> greg: the uniform -- unit bomber used to journal once a got the 300 volumes i thought i should call down but i went to learn meditation, transcendental meditation $1400 i came back and i said it's not working he said it's not a bludgeon against unwanted thoughts i said what do you have that's more like a bludgeon because that's what i'm looking for and he said unwanted thoughts as part of meditation it's like okay will sometimes actually fall asleep and he says sometimes that's a part of meditation. i said can i get my $1400 back?

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>> ♪ ♪ >> greg: 5 more words. >> greg: 5 words easter potatoes instead of a. so peta sent a letter to job -- joe biden urging her to swap the traditional chicken eggs at the easter egg roll for potatoes to promote kindness instead of factor farming what you make of this? >> when i think of potatoes i think of the famine in ireland and that's not very cheerful to me so i think a lot of irish catholics would be offended. >> greg: can they have joe roll down the hill? >> that happens regardless that goes without saying. peta is weird they did this whole letter to her with these puns like this is an appealing idea isn't that dr jill? it's just dumb.

i mean who is speaking up for the potatoes here? they have eyes. the world is watching. according to the potatoes. >> it could be a pr disaster as he wouldn't notice the difference saying these eggs are pretty strong. [cheers and applause] >> what will they do tell them in advance and hope he remembers, come on. >> they pull them aside saying they are potatoes and these like why are you trying to ghastly me. >> he's been scrambling to potato eggs all morning just not going right. this is just stupid. let's play the game. is like telling i woke person let's do tarzan with the black actor see your mind is blown.

you can call him lord of the apes can you? you want to take a lifeless food source with nothing growing in it and replace it with something with 6 eyes that will screen to death and probably is more of a potential weapon because 1 kid will throw a potato and another gives not can it immediately cracked. >> we get if thousands or millions of potatoes. so they embryo eyes and egg with nothing in it that you can eat and the president knows how to scramble at least we think. is this another pr stunt that we pick up on because we think it's funny? >> they have to barge into everything that's fun and enjoyable. michele said with the puns they said why not have a potato role. there is a potato role you put a delicious hamburger on it.

but they say it's easter we have to ruin this thanksgiving when have tofu turkey well how about you just tofurk yourself. eggs are a potato dish perfect food they don't say you want eggs on the side you want your eggs and then to talk about hashbrowns leave the eggs alone they are how god intended them to be. >> they can't afford them, the white house can't afford a. >> greg: there you go. don't go away we will be right back [cheers and applause]

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