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tv   FOX News Saturday Night With Jimmy Failla  FOX News  March 24, 2024 2:00pm-3:00pm PDT

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>> i am jimmy failla and this is
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fox news saturday night. hop in. ♪ >> hello from new york city. most confused migrants in the world. poor people get off the bus called look around and think they've already been deported. [laughter] there like we made it back to venezuela already? is gone a much fill your since we left last month. of course tonight is not about the border or any other hot button issue dividing the country. cable news keg party where every one is welcome, they don't need more republicans or democrats, it just needs less [bleep]. we have enough of those in this country and if you don't believe me, you will after we meet the panel. they are all wonderful. lead actor ron, when harry drugged sally. legendary philadelphia radio host hey girl.
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[applause] multimedia sensation here on f fox. this might be her most challenging team appearance ever because she's at least 300 iq points higher than the rest of us, katie tablets. brilliant. boot on the table. she will not be denied. the good news is you can probably sell be fixed right after the show. he has more alcohol in my backyard than i have. his many appearances in your gentlemen's club. the only comment i know who gets paid in singles, brian joins us now. thank you for coming to new yo york, jenny's parents wanted a company told him to go someplace safer like gaza. [laughter] seeing as you are from philly, our producer asked you to make yourself at home and punch a police force if you are inclin
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inclined. >> a police source and conduct my way and as a matter of fact, i want to carjack your taxi. i learned from philly and product to new york. >> the only thing that doesn't scare you, carjacking because you want a job. i'm over here. as we saw, you have the best boot collection and cable news. we sat you want to join desk but you will not be denied. my favorite thing to do with you, i want to post a picture of us on the graham because i love to respond to your comments and threats as if they are mine. people right, there like you're so beautiful. [applause] thank you very much. then the expletives come racing in democratic keep up my reputation as a general of the ala russian army killing it. >> even a promotion after the. brian is one of the first people i met when we stand up comedy. we talk a writing class, famous
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for his work with the iconic joan rivers and i think you would agree if there was a comedy mount rushmore, jones base would be on it, we have to decide which face. [laughter] the audience should know, you've always been a good friend to me and a great cautionary tale to my son, lincoln. >> i'm honored to be here and i think it's because i know where the bodies are buried. [laughter] >> for america's children, one got a surprise visit from the president of the united states this week. joe biden introduced at an event in phoenix and he wanted to check out the baby as you do. >> i like you all but i couldn't resist a little baby. >> nothing weird about it. the historic nature of interaction, not every day somebody who speaks gibberish is to me a baby.
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you think he went because the baby was the only one who understood him? >> yes and he eats baby food. [laughter] >> it all came together. the dribbling. >> trading baseball cards, i will give you to peach for the yogurt pouch. babies can't walk stairs and joe biden falls upstairs so it works out well. >> is going to be the next select why it works for him. >> i swear to bipartisan show but this happened in your home state of arizona, the people of arizona more surprised he wandered off or he didn't trip on the way? >> there's a prize because he's an in a mexican restaurant looking at the baby like joe, everybody smells better in this place. [laughter] >> the loaded diaper draws his attention. [laughter] >> this is funny to me as a comic, normally when you bring on the headliner you go to the
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green room because he got 40 minutes until he's lit and you got to get him offstage. isn't it weird we have a president you can't leave the room for because he might leave in the middle of his act? >> is terribly unfair he is to do that line performing, and amber alert. [laughter] >> love trump or hate him, he's not living the stage to get a baby. i can't believe they knock you up. [laughter] there's hope for everybody. and of trump, his old friend like this before admitting to taking weight loss medication the new documentary entitled chain claim and weight loss revolution. oprah is publicly battling obesity her whole life which is why i couldn't say anything when she endorsed john fetterman. i know how hard it is to choose the vegetable. [laughter]
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>> fetterman seems to be doing a lot better and to his credit, he has the most outspoken democrat when it comes to bringing back israeli hostages which is ironic because he totally looks like the guy people tied up last for oprah, she claims she will lost 67 pounds on all liquid diet she lost another 230 pounds of unwanted fat and harvey weinstein went to jail. [laughter] photos like this by you should never name your kid after a celebrity because of the goes sideways in the headlines like your kid cash we are going through this with our daughter just plain. a mess. you and me, former that kids lost the weight the old-fashioned way, cocaine which is not true. drug-free. i know it's almost a let down to the question, should they just say was time and tell us whose not on ozempic?
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>> i don't believe her about the liquid diet because i've been on a liquid diet for months. [laughter] >> what kind of liquid diet? >> he's clearly -- that's why you have your life together but how would you be it was somebody like diabetes and you turn on the tv and a celebrity who doesn't her diabetes is rating your stash, would that bother you? >> if you really need it, you can't get it. >> i think yes, it is a problem but if it can help people lose weight because obesity is the number one problem we have in the country which snowballs into other issues americans have then maybe it is a good option for people. >> i agree but it is weird the only time looked me directly in the eye is when you said obesity was a health problem. you look at it like obesity can lead to long-term problems. she said --
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[laughter] >> we are going to talk about it like yellowjacket on the line because one of you will go home with the same price given out in my old taxi garage with the driver but the best chip so a new outfit. fox news, hepatitis c. the court anywhere, just getting started. march madness is here and we are celebrating with our game, foosball. the biden's new state of speci special, the great martha maccallum here to go off the meter and you don't want to miss a second. let's go. [applause]
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which could cause allergic reactions like anaphylaxis. this is the best day of my life!
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♪ times square. what's up, girl? give me a call. it's funny because if you drive in a modern cap you obviously are not checked out by chicks. [laughter] the thing about checker, scott good cinematic side. look at these dudes jumping in. watch this. i totally bottle.
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the kid jumped on the hood of the red light and took a selfie and i leaned in for his buddies camera. hope he doesn't think i'm mad at him. oh yeah. it all goes down. he's brave. you know i have no breaks, right? you know i'm driving and 1960 automobile, right? if i want to stop, is not always my choice. ♪ >> this, a group of volunteers in san francisco reportedly found $50000 in cash, buried in a community garden. they immediately notified police. scientists have a word for people who do this, it's called idiots. i hit the streets to find out what people would do if they found that kind of dough. ♪ >> if you found $50000, $50000,
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what are you doing with the money? >> probably spend it. >> break it down. $50000, what percentage goes to alcohol? >> seeing as i'm smart, probably something the matter what percentage goes to strippers? >> the other 30. >> if you found $50000, what would you do? >> i would spend it. >> of course you would. >> what would you spend that on? >> a new car. where are you from? new jersey? >> no, united kingdom. >> if you found $50000 on the street, what would you do? >> take it and run away. >> give it to trump, save this country. >> that's where you're wrong. i would give it to malanga and ask around. >> i would find in anti- trump
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organization. >> you guys are opposite. [laughter] your the only liberal with a mullet. >> what would you spend it on? >> food. >> come on. 50000 worth of food? is food code word for strippers and israel? >> obviously. ♪ >> he would buy a car. what kind of car? >> i got to be honest, if you buy a lambeau for 50000, you're getting really old lambeau in good shape. you're getting a fiero with a lamborghini detail. how much are you donating to charity? >> yes. >> that was a real long one. i respect that. if you get one of these. >> is going to give it to his mom. my mom blow it on sprinters.
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my mom the last person. >> donate to charity. >> i would donate to charity, too. charity is my favorite dancer. ♪ >> what are you spending the money on x. >> traveling. >> here in new york? >> there are so many things. >> ready want to go? the mark asia. >> that's odd. you want me to save you money? go to flushing, queens. the same experience. you get all. [laughter] what percentage of that is actually orange juice? [laughter] >> i've seen this movie before. [laughter] >> does it and with you reenacting and punching you in
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the nuts? >> good stuff, fellows. ♪ >> still got it. most people not giving it back but what about our panel? did you notice one commonality nobody is giving it back. >> i have some questions. first of all, it's in a community garden so basically a communist central place. [laughter] there may be some human estrogen around. san francisco, you make it fentanyl poisoning so wear gloves before you look through it and it was wrapped in red napkins and sticky so i'm not sure i would take it. honestly. life risk. [laughter] i respect those who would. >> you have a better agent than we do.
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[laughter] >> i'm taking it and killing the person i found -- i'm kidding. >> i would do the same thing if i found $100,000, i give up to 50000. [laughter] >> did you read the article? they are so liberal. the lunar new year. san francisco. bad drug neighborhood. finding a bag full of opioids being like it must be the doctors convention. >> off the grid. i agree but does this concern you? a large enough amount of money that could have a tracking device does atomic it didn't have one? >> i have three kids so weeks worth of groceries in this economy but also, it might have been a payoff. somebody in the state of the union address. >> that's a weeks worth of gel for gavin newsom's hair. i think we -- it was mayor of
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san francisco. >> i saw him last year the party in d.c., the man with long hair joke with a soup ladle. >> whatever you think but i do believe, a stupid taxi if you have that much money and you lose it, you almost don't -- it's like if you are dating a super model, would you leave her alone at the bar? >> if i'm with the supermodel at the bar, it may not be a sheep. >> it is new york. >> long story short, we are all keeping the money. >> hunter biden to asked to launder it. [laughter] >> just be clear and bipartisanship and truth. the trumps need the money right now more than the biden's because of this asset forfeiture the next you could just buy it for 50 grand.
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>> by the golf course looking to make a quick buck, there's gambling. but you knew that on the reason of the season, our game called loose balls. place your bets on who takes home the prize next. ♪ >> tech: at safelite, we'll take care of fixing your windshield. but did you know we can take care of your insurance claim? that means less stress for you. >> woman: thanks. >> tech: my pleasure. have a good one. >> woman: you too. >> tech: schedule today at safelite.com. >> singers: ♪ safelite repair, safelite replace. ♪ frustrated by skin tags? dr. scholl's has the breakthrough you've been waiting for. the first fda-cleared at-home skin tag remover clinically proven to remove skin tags safely in as little as one treatment. ♪ i wanna hold you forever ♪ hey little bear bear. ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm gonna love you forever ♪
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♪ ♪ c'mon, bear. ♪ ♪ ♪ you don't...you don't have to worry... ♪ ♪ be by your side... i'll be there... ♪ ♪ with my arms wrapped around... ♪ this is our last chance to help save thousands of holocaust survivors who are suffering in the former soviet union today. the needs that these forgotten jews have are
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something beyond anything you can imagine. have you eaten this morning? i ate the carrot, so i ate half of it yesterday. and this is what she ate in two days, one carrot. please pray for me! the international fellowship of christians and jews began this ministry to help elderly jews living in horrible poverty around the world. we urgently need your gift of $25 now to help provide one survival food box with all of the foods they critically need for their diet for one month. when you call right now, your gift's impact will be doubled to help save lives. i have a tremendous love for israel and the jewish people. this is why i'm partnering with the fellowship. it gives me a way to authentically bless jewish people in need around the world.
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welcome back to fox news that saturday night with me as you probably know, ncaa tournament is officially underway. what you may not know is this month marks the 50th anniversary of an unusual moment in american history. college students celebrating march madness in 1974 invented streaking. we decided to commemorate this occasion was a game we call loose balls. i know it's high but this show. [laughter] going to read the date and location in history and you will have to guess what kind of events was disrupted by a streaker. you will all caps on freak nuts. [laughter] >> i'm allergic to them. >> this is a peanut free zone i was told. here we go. person across the board, philadelphia. october 10, 2010.
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and someone streaking a 70 sixers game against the knicks or barack obama rally? philadelphia 2010. >> i should know. >> i'm going to go with obama rally. >> obama rally. >> seventy sixers the neck katie and delete on the board. >> look at the pic. >> i don't look good in that picture. >> what you reaching for? [laughter] >> you got to suck it in. [laughter] >> question number two, in los angeles, april 2, 1974. the 46 academy awards or ucla versus ucla college basketball game? the mark academy awards. >> academy awards. >> basketball game. >> you are wrong.
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>> look at that mustache before the guy went on stage, will hold the way on stage he was the one guy got liberals to tack on black on black crime. [laughter] >> question number three, solid is the location, july 23, 1995 at the british open golf tournament or cleaned elizabeth's photo op on summer vacation. july 23, you are first. >> if it was a clean thing, the guys would be dead so i'm going to go clean. >> golf. >> it was golf. the british open. it says 19 whole. >> that's funny. >> brian snuck up on and he said i heard that guy has a good
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stroke. the question number four, april 8, 2021 in granada spain. the soccer game between manchester united and granada or the world flamenco champion ships? >> i was a soccer game. >> i was a limit go because it's very classy. >> you want to get naked when you hear that? >> no democratic out flamenco because it's like flamingo with just swingers so let's go with that. did i say that out loud? >> correct answer was a soccer game. >> retyped now? >> my streaking history is terrible. >> you're getting good at this and that's a hard guy to handcuff and soccer because he can't use your hands. [laughter] >> you will put the handcuffs in his mouth. here we go. [laughter]
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we don't care, we don't care. as a cabdriver, they gave me a tv show. august 16, 2014. turner field, late of georgia, a baseball game for georgia peach eating competition? did they streak where? >> i'm going baseball because you have peaches, it looks like balls song going baseball. >> eating the peach contest so they saw. >> like maybe he is that. >> you need some meet with that sugar. >> i'm going baseball. >> you are all correct. he put the ball in ballgame. >> question number six. durham england, july 15, the year was 2000. was a spice girls forever album launch party? people to get rowdy. west indies first england cricket match? >> i'm really hoping it was a spice girls. [laughter] is what i would do.
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>> spice girls. >> i'm going cricket because spice girls is way too obvious and this is why. >> katie and ryan are died. this is for the when. >> 2018, sport park in the netherlands, dutch football match or amsterdam marijuana championships? >> dutch football. here we go. october 28, 2007, oasis last concert in london for giant dolphins nfl football game? >> oasis. >> katie pavlich no one can win if you go. last question. may 9, 2008, sydney, australia. australia versus new zealand rugby match? >> rugby. >> how is going to say rugby
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also. >> this one is over. it is tied. you both couldn't put the game away. [cheering] >> putting it over there. >> i feel i've borrowed abe lincoln's coat. >> now you have lincoln's coat on, you get two free theater tickets. [laughter] >> i just want to hug katie pavlich in this yellow jacket. mom, are you watching? >> the answer is no, she is not. [laughter] >> now that we have established ourselves as the classiest show, my next guest agree to appear. the one and only martha maccallum next. ♪
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when i first learned about my dupuytren's contracture, my physician referred me to a hand specialist. and i'm glad he did, because when i took the tabletop test, i couldn't lay my hand flat anymore. the first hand specialist i saw only offered surgery. so, i went to a second hand specialist who also offered nonsurgical options — which felt more right for me. so, what i'd say to other people with dupuytren's contracture is this: don't wait — find a hand specialist trained in nonsurgical options, today.
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i found mine at findahandspecialist.com.
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♪ i think when you drive a kat everyday, you do come to realize your like unaffordable therapist for a lot of the people who get into your cab. as his confessional died because they know they are never going to see you again to the give you all are conspiracy theories import talk refugees recipes. you just have to take it. on obama woman told me the president was in al qaeda which was like syria. she got into my cab, eighth avenue heading north, when he against john mccain and she says the president is in al qaeda. i was like i drive a taxi in new york city, i know most of al
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qaeda. pretty sure he's not in it, they would have told me. they love me. unlike their only white friend. >> welcome back, my next guest is part two classy but this program like garth brooks to my friends in low places. the host of the story here on the fox news channel, what happened to democracy 2024. [applause] martha maccallum. great to see you. i hope you like the intro. [laughter] >> make sure you say i am way to classy. [laughter] >> everyone else was saying at home so i echoed their sentiments. >> so excited to be here. i love your show and congratulations on your show. i'm a huge fan so what can i say? should. >> you make my makeup around. every question we ask is not
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related to anything we do here, it's off the meter. who is your first slowly crushes a kid? >> i'm going to go with michael jackson. >> really? it's always a long shot when you fall in love with a celebrity. but in your case -- he's saying all of these great things, the old version. >> unrecognizable but he was so cute, this or durable base. >> the most shocking part looking back is he had a girlfriend. >> a more innocent time. [laughter] >> spring break is here, did martha maccallum have a go to drink in college? >> yes. vodka, one of my favorite drinks but i was never allowed, the
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only time i went away was to like my friend apartment coast college in like six of us crashed on the floor in her apartment. >> that's not nothing go but does that mean you did not have a fake id? >> i did. >> yeah you did. >> you had to have a fake id for my family member, friend or stranger? >> friend. my friends sister. >> was at your left? college bars. is that true? shadow. >> nickel beer night which sounds cheap but you pay for it later. >> we used to have dollar picture night and they were plastic, coca-cola pictures in new york and they go to the top walk around. [laughter] >> way too expensive. >> we had picture night tuesda
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tuesdays. [laughter] >> you got a little warm though. >> you got to learn to drink it. it's a problem. did you have a rival in high school? >> i don't get it, i was between groups, i wasn't like in the popular group for the people who hung out the wall like cigarette cost more people. i had friends in different groups but i wouldn't say i had a real rival. >> ) with pretty much everybody. some girls resented me because i had bigger booths. [laughter] >> nobody had a problem with me. [laughter] >> better 80s hair band. def leppard or poison? >> i will go with def leppard but they were not really my favorite. >> love is a battlefield. >> absolutely. >> that matters.
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hollywood is obsessed with sequels and reboots. which classic from come should never be rebooted because of sacred? pretty woman or love actually? >> love actually. i'm not pretty woman fan but i like a lot. there are a lot of that imitation efforts and that is the classic. it is tragically said. also funny and others, i love you grant, the prime minister. >> it's got range would pretty woman will probably be remade as pretty person. >> depending on how she sees herself election night coat anger bret baier, major headlines on the show. does this require you in the name of equal time to do a biden impression the air? >> i think i would have to work on my biden impression but i do --
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[laughter] the starting.someone so i think i'm probably going to channel made with joe a little bit but one can shovel. [laughter] if you get the body language down you're working on, that your way and. i'm going to work on the voice. >> if you are going to channel jail -- you did it. >> does she not realize every sentence he says is not hyperbole? [laughter] >> no joke i will say hyperbole all the time. >> i am serious, jack. excellent. [applause] >> check out martha's full interview with mark judge.
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♪ hunter biden is the closest i've personally felt to representation in the white house. i can't fix global warming or stop racism but i could smoke back and thank my dead brother's wife. i could do that. [laughter] in my right? you think that guy is guilty of having a good time. hey now. hunter biden is living the life george w bush should. [laughter] >> amazing. our next guest might look like a january 6 protester but is probably liberal and he could never make up that many steps. [laughter] superstar comedian headlining comedy club in des moines iowa march 30. if that weren't enough, his new special dance, patty dance streaming on youtube and it's a banger.
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comedy super dancing tonight. it's a big deal, there's a lot of chubby chasers who watched the show. >> i'm a married man but i will take everything i can get. so fat at this time, i've become non- binary but not by choice. [laughter] if i took my clothes off, he would say i can't identify the. [laughter] >> your 20 pounds away from netflix money. >> i'm 20 pounds away from tlc money. [laughter] >> where did you grow up? >> jersey. >> what did you grow up? >> strong others. we grew up along or just women with our accent. [laughter] the most important thing. >> you take your special, old man in brooklyn streaming on youtube.
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we laughed out loud at the bernie sanders but. you joke about marjorie taylor greene. that's what i love. i want you as a comic, i hope you appreciate that we don't care on this show how anyone votes because as comments, our job is to be funny. >> would you care by not loading? [laughter] >> it just feels like everything is both left and right, no middle like new york has 300 pronouns in alabama you can marry a gun. [laughter] is just to american. [laughter] >> they are registered at cracker barrel. [laughter] >> i want to be marjorie taylor greene's cage mark be seen a video of her doing pull-ups? >> i've got something to look at tonight. [laughter] >> touring the country right n
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now, i think the vibe has loosened up, people want more loose speech out of us because they are tired of pretending. >> everybody is normal the people that get trafficked around social media are crazy people. >> not the ones going to the clubs. it usually happens online. >> for sure. have you noticed that? >> everybody in the club bought to drink centigrade. it's when the video lands in someone's laptop sitting in corporate america trying to hold you to their same decorum's chemical public and the democrat, people don't want to be around their families. [laughter] >> happy you are with your family the more money you make. >> you've done everything to be clear, who is the coolest celebrity he's met?
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>> i haven't even thought of that. i know i have an answer, like what qualifies as a celebrity? >> i have this debate every time somebody asked for an autograph. >> what you think of this? >> have you flown to the des moines airport before? it's like a farm stand, you know the farm stand where they leave the bread out and scouts honor? they make you self higher self down. [laughter] >> we love you, we love the special. please do it again. [applause] >> your questions will be answered next.
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♪ i do noout care how you feel about the vaccine.p i've been up close and personal twosome while the vaccinens conspiracy theories.i i had a buddy, this is mys favorite one. i had a buddy whis mo thought ty vaccinated all of the livestock as an end around to getting everyone vaccinated who did not with a take it. i was like bro, they are upbeatt leaders they vaccinated th we t helivestock you've got to get wl done you cannot get medium rare. you gotta cook out thel do myrnc gogotta cook out the myrnaoo. [laughter] i'm like dude, i'm pretty sure the covid variant is oma crom not oma cow. but okay we had the friend of someone go skydiving and thee parachute does not open it up a
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there like bill gates vaccinatle all the knapsacks, bill gates. but the craziest most bonkers vaccine conspiracy i ever heardd from total moon bats who were out of their minds, there is at group of people who said if you get vaccinated you can't catch covid. [laughter][laugh [applause] [cheering] i mean what a crock of crab that turned out to be. and hey, hey hey hey. i'm not anti- vax i am not anti- science but i am very anti. it's time for ask a cabbie.>> we tap into the wealth and wisdom i acquired picking up lookers, bookers and hookers. if you have a question or just want some life advice and yours truly use the # ask a cabbie e-mail us f and saturday night
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dance at fox.com. igive us sell the video question said it just put on tv.here this lovely lady came to a booko signing. xa jimmy the title of your booky inspired my question. if you can cancel at one thing or one person right now, who or what would that be?? >> this is a good question. you know what cancel?ed who ever invented gender reveal parties. because nobody wants to go to your kids agenda reveal you are destroying a football saturday. were giving an additional gift you don't deserve.fo what to tell us something aboutt the kids future you wait 10 years and have a report cardd reveal party. that will give us some direction for three d's and f. it is a stripper. shoot the arrow and glitter finds out that the target. that's i would like to see friend asks have you everer returned to the garage and found
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some wesettlement passed out inw backseat? the answer to that is no. but police have found someone passed out in the front seat.fr i got no sleep and as a cab driver is driving 84 hours a week. as a ring stand up at night and writing scripts in the morningi when i was really sleep deprived. that being said i'm so proud i never got into an accident as a cabdriver. although i should point ouwhent while i was driving they had noe invented yoga pants yet. i would be a little more distracted in the current market are proprobably the couple vehif homicides. my lastly tom asks since lincoln's 6-foot five and a good-looking kid and not overweight who dog you th think is real father is? hey tom, screw you two. i kid tom i kid. lincoln is my child.e although he almost wasn't we tried to find a buyer on craigslist when he was born. but no one once it is now he is a massive. the grocery bill.
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we love him, he's the best and would love you. thank you seriously thank you for my bloated heart are watching fox news saturday nights. set your dvr to 10:00 p.m. eastern every saturday right here on fot yox news and do not forget tfoo follow us on social media at fn saturday night. for more of me i'm coming to a city near you girlfriend. it is my everybody calm downi'm tour tickets are on sale now fox across america.com. you can alsoam listen to my rado show weekdays from noon until 3:00 p.m. eastern the party isy over. paup gy upet and get out for a d night from new york city i will see you right back here nextlla. saturday. l then remember you can be a republican, you can be a democrat it does not matter.emoc just don't be ♪ ♪ [background noises

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